Forty Deuce

Tweet Responsibly

So Rafa has made good on his promise during Wimbledon to join the awesome heaven and hell that is THE TWITTERVERSE.  Good news?  Bad news?  I genuinely don't know.  Twitter has been a boon for fans, players, and organizations who choose to use it as a medium to show off their personalities.  In some cases, if they have awesome personalities, it's the best thing in the world.  In other cases, if they have crap personalities (or no personality) it's complete boresville.  And in other cases (HOW MANY CASES ARE ON THIS DOCKET???) it's a complete waste because the Twitter accounts are completely corporate and agent run.  Oh, you just posted 15 new pictures on your Facebook page, JJ?  Thanks for the breaking news.

So basically I'm a little scared for Rafa.  This is a 90% you lose, 10% you win situation.  He's such a huge public figure with an established persona.  His Twitter account already has a lot to live up to, whereas most of the players who have greatly benefitted from Twitter (Petko for example) were virtual unknowns when they started.  They had the freedom to brand themselves as they saw fit.  Not everyone can pull off a Novak Djokovic.

And so, as a public service to one Mr. Rafael Nadal, here is a list of tweeters to emulate, and a list of tweeters to...not.

Twitter Idols:

• Dinara Safina (@Dinarik27) - With a few tweets, Dinara was able to shuck her unearned reputation of being a morose, unfun, stereotypical Russian (DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SMILE????), to show the world the "real Dinara".  The one who live-tweets her baking adventures, regularly has dinner with her family, and knows how to operate her phone's camera with, as Serena would say, aplomb.  TWITPICS ARE YOUR FRIEND, RAFA.  That said, whatever you do, DO NOT JOIN FOURSQUARE.  Bad idea pantalones.
• Juan Monaco (@picomonaco) - Why should you emulate Pico?  Because his tweets are just pure joy.  He happily gets into Twitter convos with other players, he celebrates his favorite sports teams, and he just seems like a happy guy.  I don't want to tune in and hear how emo you are all the time (*cough*Feli*cough).  It bums me out.  Twitter is happy times.  Let's all be happy like Pico!
• Novak Djokovic (@djokernole) - We can't all be Nole.  Hell...right now I'm sure you kinda wish you could be like Nole, Rafa.  Not only is his game off the chain right now, he's also got personality in spades, which clearly spills over into his tweeting.  His tweets are irreverent, funny, and self-aware.  Let's face it, given his stature, he's the best tennis tweeter in the game.  It ain't easy to be entertaining when you're a top player.  It would be so much easier to play it safe and keep it corporate.  But Novak's the king.  Much like his tennis game, don't let his Twitter game get into your head, Rafa.
• Laura Robson (@laurarobson5) - Taking advice from a 17 year-old?  A dicey proposition, I'm sure.  But you could learn a lot from Robbo, Rafa.  This is a kid who doesn't tweet a whole lot, but when she does they are well-crafted tweets, infused with personality and self-deprecating humor.  You can do it, Rafa!  I know you can!
• Andy Roddick (@andyroddick) - Funny, snarky, and informative, A-Rod has no problem letting his opinions fly.  Those opinions and the way he presents (usually in a funny way) give us insight into his personality.  That's all we want, Rafa.  Some insight into your personality.  I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
• Rebecca Marino (@rebecca_marino) - I don't know why exactly, but I kind of love Rebecca Marino's twitter.  It's just so...normal.  Like, oh yeah, you're a totally normal person who happens to travel the world playing tennis.  It's refreshing in that way.

Twitter Jersey Shore:

• Gael Monfils - Hey, Rafa?  Please don't use your Twitter to tell the world you're going to sleep EVERY NIGHT.  I love you but even I don't care about that information.
• Jelena Jankovic - Here's a woman who CLEARLY has personality and completely locks it up on Twitter.  SNOOOOOOOZER.  Please don't let Benito run your account.  Thanks.
• Ivo Karlovic - Apparently some people like Ivo's Twitter.  Judy Murray thinks he's HILARIOUS.  I do not.  His tweets are sexist, raunchy but not funny, and he pops off about topics he has no business popping off about.  He basically comes off as an undersexed, ignorant, misoginist.  No bueno.
• Fernando Verdasco (deleted) - Twitter is not your own personal livejournal, Rafa.  It is not a place to go to vent about shit thinking that no one will read it.  It's public, it's out there, and if you act a fool and then delete your account, we're going to laugh at you.  Just like we laughed at Sam Querrey. 
• John Isner - Lord help me if you start incessantly tweeting about WWE RAW, Rafa....
• Caroline Wozniacki - Humblebragging.  Look it up up.  And then don't do it, Rafa.  If I see a "Oh noes!  I'm getting horribly sunburned on my stomach.  I guess that's what happens when you sunbathe naked on a private beach in Mallorca with Beyonce, Jose Mourinho, and Ryan Gosling! #fml" tweet I will punch you in the knee.

So here's the basic upshot:  Let your twitter show off *your* personality, Rafa.  Don't *try* to be anything.  Just be Rafa.  If you're not funny, that's ok!  You know what you are?  YOU ARE ADORABLE AND NICE.  So be adorable and nice.  My guess is that your Twitter will be a cross between Sunshine Sabine's always happy and informative tweets (that include a lot of pics), and Andy Murray's semi-boring-but-they're-not-really boring-if-you-love-him tweets about sports.  Or maybe you can shoot for a Mardy Fish-style (I know, it's weird for me to say that).  But his Twitter has been great.  Informative, classy, and occasionally funny. 

But, like, no planking, dude.  Also, don't "vamos" in every tweet.  That would be the Caro equivalent of winking.  

All I'm saying is vamos responsibly.  Our eyes are on you.

(Pic: Rafa's Twitter)

 

 

Are There Internet Jizz Moppers? There Should Be.

Please watch this video. It is a visual rendering of what it was like to be on Twitter today when pretty much everything that was unexpected and mildly awesome (at least in an entertaining way) happened and we all got to hoot, holler, and snackle together. It was a collective internetgasm, the likes of which I have not seen in a very very long time.

Let me break it down for you.

First there was this:

Welcome to internet immortality, Wendy Deng. You'z amazing, gurl.

Then there was this seemingly impromptu livestream of Pico staring at the camera for two minutes and then doing a phone interview.

I would totally roll in the deep with you, Pico. Particularly if you keep showing your weird bed and pasty thigh. I could watch this video on loop. In fact, I think I will.

And then there came word (confirmed later by Killer) that this was happening:



Why he decided to both shave his head when he was just getting hot again, AND tack on an icky goatee I'll never know.  Look at how hot he was!  And that's coming from ME.

And then, BOOM:

Dinara goes a'huntin for mythical creatures. It's a show I would watch and a quest I would fear.

You played like a champion today, Internet.  Bring Internet the finest cheerleaders in all the land.  It's on me.

Pic This: A Final Look at Madrid.

This hostel's internet is blazin' and I'm abusin'.  Here we go.

That is some incredible CoachFace.

Now *that* is quite the combination.

Back to Good.

News broke today that Dinara was pulling out of RG and taking an indefinite leave from the tour in order to let her back heal properly.  Thanks to Christina, here's the full translation:

Dinara Safina: “I don’t know when I’ll come back.”

Former #1 ranked tennis player Dinara Safina spoke to Sport Express about the reasons behind her decision not only to miss Roland Garros, which starts on May 22, but also to take an indefinite break from playing.

“How long will you stay off the tour?”

“I don’t know how long the break will last, because I don’t want to torture myself and my body anymore. At the beginning of the season I didn’t have any pain or any other problems. But, as soon as I started playing regularly, it all came back. It seems like you’re starting to play better, but then the next day it’s impossible to even turn around. It’s tiring in training to hear the same question from your coach every five minutes: ‘How’s your back? Can you do this exercise?’ I feel trapped on court, because I’m afraid to make any sudden movements. I’m tired of fighting. I want to forget this torture soon.”

“So you won’t even be doing light training?”

“No. Right now I can’t do anything related to tennis. When I can bend over and make sudden movements without thinking about pain, that will be the first sign that I can start training.”

“Is there a particular time you’d like to return to the tour?”

“It doesn’t matter to me when it happens—in the summer during the American tournaments, at the end of the season, or even next year. I want to take as much time to recover as I need, so that I don’t have to think about my back until the end of my career.”

Normally, I'd leave it at that.  But people have been hounding me all day for my thoughts on the sitch, so here are my two schillings:

First of all, THANK GOD.  It was painfully uncomfortable watching her compete on that back, knowing that it would almost assuredly give out at any moment.  Backs don't just heal.  You can't just ice them and do some weird voodoo acupuncture mumbo-jumbo and wake up 100%.  Unlike limbs, which can be isolated and rested while the rest of the body can continue to work out and get fit, you literally cannot move your body at all without somehow incorporating your back.  So this idea of "playing through" a back injury or "letting it heal" while still working out is complete bollocks. 

So rest up, do some PT, and get your back to 110%.  As anyone who watches Dinara knows, she needs every ounce of strength, coordination, and trust in her body to pull off her game.  Anything less and...well...we know what it looks like.

Second, look, let's get real.  I understand that Dinara's comments imply that she intends to come back.  She might.  But she also might not.  That's just the reality of a severe back injury, which is what Dinara suffered.  We may never see Dinara Safina compete ever again.  To the extent that is a reality, I have some additional thoughts.

I get sad when I think about Dinara.  And then I get sad that I get sad.  Why?  Because I realize that all the negative press she's received over the past two years actually had an effect me.  All the "Slamless #1", "undeserving #1", and "big match choker" chatter totally crept into my tiny brain, convincing me on some level that Dinara was somehow a disappointment.  That she underachieved.  That we should look at her and think that something was missing.  That she was less than.

But then I pull myself out of that morass of idiocy and realize that Dinara was actually an *overachiever*.  No one, not a single person prior to 2008 thought that the chubby, grunting, kid sister of ultra-talented Marat would ever be a threat, let alone an Olympic medalist, multiple Grand Slam finalist, or world #1.  No fucking way.  Sure, she had fans back then, but really, did you really really think her career would be as successful as it was?  If so, I'd like to talk to you about some lottery tickets. 

Dinara is a testament to commitment, desire, and work-ethic.  She worked SO HARD.  All you had to do was watch her practice for 15 minutes and you could see that she worked harder than anyone.  She practiced and played with a sense of desperation.  She wanted it SO MUCH.  Were those things probably what got her into this mess with her back?  Probably.  But isn't that what happens with everyone?  That our strengths are also our weaknesses?  Let's not pretend that she's any different.

From the perspective of a tennis fan, I hope her back heals up and she's able to work her way back into relevancy on the tour.  But from the perspective of a Dinara fan, I have to be honest.  I'm kind of ok with her calling it a day. 

(Pic: Forty Deuce)

 

You Do The Meth!

Look, Russia. We need to talk.

Is that guy your team doctor?  I thought I already told you to fire him.  He should have seen the door years ago.  But between some doctor telling Dinara her back is fine and some other doctor (same doctor?) telling Chakky that she's fit to play (she's retired from three straight matches now), I'm gonna go ahead and say you still have Dr. Spaceman on your payroll. 

And while he can be adorably charming and dependably hilarious, we can all agree that he is literally the worst doctor in the world.  But totally hilarious.  Just to be clear.

Pic This: To the Dearly Departed.

We just didn't have enough time together.  Makes me way emo.

Move, Bitch, Get Out The Way.

Like whoa, Masha.  I'll admit that I thought Masha would prevail over Dinara but not as decisively as 62 60.  That was a hitting clinic is what that was.  Clean, aggressive, powerful hitting from the Shriekster that, serve aside, was reminiscent of the way she hit the ball on her way to her 2008 Australian Open title. 

Great run from Dinara here but this must have been a tough pill to swallow.  After playing so well against Sam (can you all just start mentally inserting "serve aside" to anything I write about the quality of play?), Dinara got absolutely blasted off the court.  Masha didn't even give her a chance, as Dinara was repeatedly left frozen in the middle of the court as Masha blasted winner after winner past her.

Oh, and the Bestie Rule, once again, is proven true:  The universe will never allow Ana and Dinara to win on the same day. 

Masha has Peng next, who has quietly had a fantastic 2011.  I can't think Maria will have any problems with her, but then again, this is a woman who was taken to three sets less than a week ago by AMG.  But is it too early to hope for a Glam Slam AO 2008 final redux? 

Davai!  Ajde!  Anyone but Caro!

Dinara Safina, Ladies and Gentlemen. I Think You've Met Before.

Safina d. Stosur, 76 64.

Nailed, Coconut.  NAILED IT.

Did anyone see this coming?  Not just posting up a win over a top 5 player, but playing as well as she did?  In between my moments of absolute disgust over Sam's level of play and my attempts to stave off depression, I was floored by Dinara tonight.  That is, without a doubt, the best I've seen her hit the ball off the ground in over a year.  Sure, she served 16 DFs and was pretty touch and go whenever she went up for that serve, but she moved fairly well, got a bunch of balls back, and played aggressively with success.

To quote Andrew Krasney, the on court announcer, during the post-match interview: "You look like you need a hug.  Can I give you a hug?"  I think the entire tennis world is with you, Andrew.

It was an amazing performance and if the person on the other side of the net wasn't who she was, I would be over the moon right now.  Well done, Dinara.  You so owned it and you absolutely deserved to win that match. 

She'll play her fourth straight match on Stadium Court tomorrow against Masha (who destroyed Rezai in straights), another Russian trying to fight her way out of an injury-sparked slump.  Asked about Masha, "She's coming back from injury, too.  A little higher ranked than me. (pause)  Just 100 spots."  Heh.

After what I saw from Dinara tonight, you'd be an idiot to bet against her.  You'd probably be an idiot to bet on her, too, so let's not be idiots and sit back and enjoy what's happening.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

So Poetic It Brings a Tear To My Eye.

And now, courtesy of one Mr. James LaRosa, I give you Dinara Safina's last two years as visually interpreted by the Russian version of Wipeout.  You can't possibly pick your favorite part. The crotch punch, getting stuck in the mud, or the literal breaking of her back.

Oh, Tennis Gods. You Funny Sometimes.

The desert of Indian Wells can be cruel to some and kind to others.  So far it's been a virtual mecca for Dinara, who's scored back-to-back straight set wins over Parra Santonja and, rather impressively, Dani, 76 64.  You know what's even weirder?  With her next match against Sam (yes, MY SAM) scheduled for Monday's night session, that's 3 straight matches on Stadium Court, two of them at night.

Indian Wells knows what's up.  Put the spotlight on the hamster.

Speaking of cute little animals, I feel like I've seen Sam play a whole bunch this week.  Then I realized she's actually only played one singles match.  I guess I get waaaaaaaay too excited for her doubles matches with Frank.  She looked solid against Pous-Tio, but that wasn't a test in any way shape or form.  Pous-Tio had no weapons with which to do damage and the one hour match was basically hitting practice for Sam. 

Being the Negative Nelly that I am I will just say that the match really should have been 45 minutes.  Sam let her off the hook way too many times.  But I like her attempt to get to the net and serve and volley more, even if the results range between calamity and FUBAR. 

She's played really well in doubles, though, which is kind of new.  For all the talk of her being a former doubles star, which she totally is, she's kind of sucked at the net for the past year.  Don't pretend you haven't noticed.

And so we'll have a night match on Stadium Court between two players who probably should have been Roland Garros champions but aren't and whose careers will likely be defined by those losses.

Was it something I said?

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

 

Pic This: If You Like Adorableness, She Is, a Paradise.

Thanks for the tip, Kelly.

(Pic: Alina Jidkova's Twitter)

Winning.

Dear Mr. Sheen: This is what *actual* winning looks like.

 

Much love to Jelena Dokic for capturing her first title since 2003, beating Fran, Bojangles, and Lucie.  That's a super-high-quality run and one that should make everyone sit up and take notice. 

Watch her get drawn as Ana's first round opponent in IW.  JUST WATCH.

I'm guessing this one tastes pretty damn sweet.

Meanwhile, in doubles...

Dinara Safina: Doubles specialist.

Liezel will be calling shortly, Hamster.  Just say no.

(Pic: Getty)

High Five!

Dinara won in Kuala Lumpur.  Like, a match.  In straight sets.  Winning 12 straight games.  She even threw in a bagel.

Granted it was over someone ranked #125, but considering Dinara's current ranking stands at #117, that's totally the same as like... Caro beating Kim 0 and 2. 

That's what we call "infallible logic", kids.

(Pic: AP)

Pic This: Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice.

Inner Monologue: "What language are they speaking?  Also, WHERE AM I???"

 

It's like she plays a version of tennis that only exists in her mind.  She's like the anti-Neo.

It's cute that you guys all get along, but GODDAMMIT, FLAVIA.

Just wanted to confirm: She's still little.

Nice try, ladies.  But despite what you may have heard, a drunk vagina is still going to get pregnant.  Alcohol and bubbles ain't gonna stop those little fuckers.

As is always the case with Fran, the pictures tell the story.

In case we leave the weekend and forget, Jarka capped off a fantastic swing on her new home soil, winning Hobart, a solid run in Melbourne, and a three-set win over a top 5 player.  Something tells me Australia welcomes you, Jarka.

My favorite picture of the weekend.

(Pics: Getty, Fed Cup Site)

Girls to the Front.

Ah, Fed Cup.  I always always always forget how much I love you and then you remind me every damn time.  I don't know why I thought I wouldn't care all that much about Fed Cup this past weekend.  I mean, for Christsakes I was flying to Hobart to go to a tie (more on that later), but I suppose I always need reminding as to how badass these ladies can be when they play for their flag. 

First off, how about Sveta bouncing back after losing to THE CONE on Saturday (Alize had never won a Fed Cup rubber.  Like...ever) to help Russia come back from an 0-2 hole (Uh...good job, Masha).  But really, much props to Pavs for stepping up after Tarpi benched Masha, to beat Cones and pair up with Sveta to win the deciding doubles tie.

Cheerios!

And then there was Flavia, who drove the business end of her Wilson racquet through Stubbsy's heart by taking her two singles rubbers and continuing her domination over Sam (she's now 4-0). 

The good news is that Sam played two tough three setters and she's not playing poorly.  She's just not 100% dialed in yet and I think she was overusing the slice against Flavia.  I'm confident she'll be alright though, despite being on a 3 match losing streak (Kvitova, Pennetta, Schiavone).  Just as with Masha, the kid just don't play good on home soil.  Moving on.

Belgium destroyed the Americans.  They reacted accordingly.

Funny thing I read: Mel won 7 points in one set against Kim.  Like I said, funny.

Germany did what they do.  They perfectly combine being badassedly adorable.

But how about the Serbian Sisters?  No, no THOSE ones.  The ones that are good at tennis!

Bojangles and wee little AK47 took out Canada, 3-2.  AK lost her two singles rubbers, but she acquitted herself well and teamed up with Bojo to win the decisive doubles rubber.  She actually came back from 0-5 down in the third to Marino, only to lose it eventually, 7-5.  As for Bojangles, there's no way she's not top 25 before the end of the year.  Fantastic stuff in front of a not-even-close-to-sell-out-crowd in Belgrade.

(Pics: Getty, Fed Cup Site)

Pic This: Has It Really Only Been Four Days?

Has it really only been four days?  It feels like a week already, to be honest.  But it's been pretty great so far, even if I feel as loopy as that girl looks.

You know how there are some guys you look at and you're like "Oooh.  I bet you he'd be total gentle and kind in the sex."

Yeah, Lleyton is not that guy.

 

You can always count on some good MaKiri Grit Face when she comes through in a tight three-setter.  Always.  Couldn't follow it up though, and she's out to Iveta today.

The Petko Dance has gone interpretive, guys.

 

She Rules. 'Nuff Said.

What do you say after that?  No really.  I've been staring at this blank screen for the past hour and all I can think is "What am I supposed to say?"  My favorite player came into this tournament with a lot of hope and just played a gutty match against a game opponent, saved match point after match point, showed the world that she's a fighter, and still lost, ousted out of her favorite Slam in the first round.  What really can I possibly say?

I'm sure all the folks who actually cover this sport objectively will have plenty to say tomorrow.  They'll say Ana choked.  They'll say that she's not back.  They'll say Makarova played a good match.  They'll say Ana will be absolutely devastated with this loss.  They'll say things, and chances are, I won't disagree with any of it. 

But that's not what I want to say.  Being analytical of the match?  Sorry, but as a fan, I just can't even get myself into that headspace. Ten minutes after Ana walked off the court I was in the Heineken beer garden drowning my sorrows, talking about anything and everything other than that match.  Hours later, it still stings and I'm at a bit of a loss.

So this is what I'll say.

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those fans who could just focus on the tennis that's played on the court.  On some level, I think that would make things easier. You could make objective determinations about players and matches, you can cite stats, you can talk about forehands and backhands and debate all that technical stuff.  Seriously, when I listen in on those conversations, I'm totally fascinated and envious.  It all flies completely over my head.  It's like listening in on a conversation where you know everyone is speaking English but they're using phrases and reference points that are completely foreign to you. 

As much as I try (self-preservation and whatnot) I'm not one of those fans.  The actual tennis, if I were to be completely and blatantly honest, is not even secondary.  It's sixthiary.  What draws me to tennis and to players is their character, their heart, how they conduct themselves with the press and fans, their personalities, etc.  You know, all the stuff that, really, has nothing to do with winning a tennis match.

Which puts me in quite a predicament.  I end up becoming a huge fan of players who, many times, can and will suck at tennis.  Dinara Safina is one of those people.  Let's face it, she has a lot of absolutely legitimate excuses, but the fact is that she's simply not all that great at tennis right now.  Everyone joked when the draw came out that she'd get absolutely destroyed by Kim.  But did we honestly think she'd get double-bageled in less than 50 minutes?  Maybe I'm naive and a bit of an idiot (you can strike the "Maybe" from that sentence if you choose) but I didn't.  So when it happened, you just absolutely had to feel for Dinara, who works and tries so hard.  Some people may not care about work ethic but I do.  It just bums me out to see her work so hard on the practice court only to find that she's not even close to being a force to be reckoned with.

And then there's Ana.  My absolute favorite current tennis player.  It's never really had anything to do with her tennis.  Sure, that forehand (at least the one she used to hit in 2007) drew me in and forced me to take notice, but that's not why I'm a fan.  I'm a fan because she seems like a genuinely good person.  She works hard, she's honest, she just seems like a pretty normal human being.

Which is why last night's 36 63 10-8 loss to Makarova was so heartwrenching.  On one hand, of course, I was completely devastated for her.  She's never kept it a secret that she absolutely loved this Slam.  It's her favorite one.  And coming off her wins in Linz and Bali, she was raring to go in 2011.  She played well at Hopman Cup, had a good time, and then, as luck would have it, she busted her gut.  No Sydney for her but that was ok.  She would heal up and be ready for her first rounder here in Melbourne.

For a set and a half it seemed as though all that turmoil could be put behind her.  She played a fairly clean first set of tennis.  Nothing spectacular, but then again, a "clean set" from Ana at this point was in and of itself "spectacular" given her slump.  In Makarova's first two service games of the second set, Ana would have multiple break points that she couldn't convert.  So of course, as it is in tennis, Makarova would get the break first and take the set.  So on to the third.

I really don't know how to sum up the third set.  Was it scintillating tennis?  Nope.  Was it crap tennis?  Nope.  As the set went on it became clear that the match was going to be decided on heart and guts.  Who would be courageous at the right moments and who would be able to execute?

Ana saved five match points in that third set.  And we're not talking about a MP here or there.  At one point she was 0-40 and Makarova had triple MP.  She fought.  She battled back.  She stepped up and hit some great shots to save those points.  The two battled back and forth for over 90 minutes in that last set.  Sitting in the stands I kept waiting for either Ana to crumble (she was serving from behind for most of the set) or Makarova to break (Ana kept fighting and saving MPs and BPs, you just had to think Makarova would blink).  But neither did.  They fought, they hit great shots, they hit shit shots, and after the dust cleared it was Makarova who who won the match on a winner.

And that was the scene at the net.  Defeated, gutted, and on the verge of tears, Ana took the time to congratulate Makarova, and have some words at the net.  Hell, to even manage a smile after that one was a Herculean effort in my eyes.

Seeing that display made it all seem, and I know it's a weird thing to say, worth it.  It was just such a display of class and character and I was left standing there feeling pleased as punch that Ana was my kid.  The loss was, no doubt, crushing.  You can tell as much in her teary presser.  But the fact is that Ana got beat, it was a well-played match, and Makarova absolutely hung in there and won it. 

I'm an Ana Ivanovic fan.  Super proud of it.  And if that's what I take away from this match then that's a-ok with me.

(Pics: Getty)

 

Besties 2011: Still Goin' Strong.

Ana practiced this morning and then had another hit with someone who looked an awful lot like Bryden Klein.  But after her practice, Dinara took the court with Dani, Petra, and Aga.  But not before the Besties shared a hello.

Awwwww....Beluga and Elephant.  No need to go to the zoo.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: Coaching Dinara.

Two words: Flip Book.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: Why It Matters That Dinara Is Back On Twitter

AUGH!!! TURN AROUND!!!

Thank you.

Dinara Safina: Essayist.

With 18 days left in the year, Dinara Safina, with one single, yet epic, blog post, surges ahead and grabs, with a vice-like grip, the trophy for Tennis Blogger of the Year.  That's right, the rest of us can just close our laptops, get out of our sweatpants (aka, blogger casual) and keep our little quips to ourselves.  She earned it.

How did she earn it?  By sitting down and writing a 1700+ word, three-page, single space existential rumination on her 2010 season.  It was...amazing.

Please, allow me to walk you through Dinara Thoughts after the jump:

SHE IS RISEN.

So you're sitting in your PJs on a lovely Monday evening.  You're futzing about on Google Reader, catching up on all the 1000+ articles you missed over the weekend while at the same time trying to figure out whether you should plant strawberries or wheat on the new iPhone game you downloaded drunkenly for no apparent reason.

And then this happens:

And when that happens on Twitter, this happens on Twitter:

Oh, and I haven't even started on her blog either. 

Wait for it...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Masha

Sveta

Dinara

Pavs

Fed Cup

February

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

A gazillion thanks to @annie_121 for sending this along.

(Pic: Reuters)

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife...

Dinara's coming to Hobart.

And yes, she still plays tennis.  I think.

Pic This: Are Any of You Happy To Be There?

If I hear the words "Moscow" and "party", I usually think of a pretty kick-ass time.  Booming techno, nutty laser lights, carafes of vodka, and enough organized crime to make you feel nice a cozy. 

What's all up in all the Russians' jocks tonight?  It's a party!  Loosen up!

Well, speaking of loosening up, nice sex hair, MaKiri.  I presume Igor is smoking a cigarette in the backseat of a black Range Rover right now.

Jesus.  Eat something.  Gaunt is not a good look for you.

Flavia was clearly ready to party.  Here's hoping Marat gave her a tour.

Cute monochromatic French boys.

Anyway.

 

ZOMGJUSTINBIEBER!!!

"Later, guys.  I got a thing."

You can see more amazing pics here.

And believe me.  They are amazing.

 

Lumberjack Chic.

Did Andy get his fashion cues from Sam for the Beijing Player Party?  Or maybe from Marat?  The plaid, the frizzed out hair, the forced smiling.  Did I miss this month's issue of InStyle?  Though, I suppose plaid shirts, frizzed out hair, and forced smiling is pretty much my look, too.  See?  MFEO, Andy.  MFEO.

They're all so happy and smiley!  That's the comedic effect of Fer's hair, I guess.

Stop doing one armed pushups on that thing, Sam. 

I don't know what's crazier: Sam's forecep or Caro's crazy eyes. 

Lovely.  The boy knows how to wear clothes.

Also, those are some really tall Asian chicks.

I was really looking forward to the Beijing player party.  But I guess the days of unscripted awesomeness and costuming are behind us.  Sadness.

(Pics: Getty)

Kimiko and the Curse.

 

Ok, at first it was cute.  But now it's just annoying.  Ok, no it's actually not annoying at all.  But goddammit, why'd you have to go and beat Masha when she was trying to defend her Tokyo title and send her plummetting out of the top 20?  Why'd you have to do it, Kimiko?

Oh.  Because you're awesome and it was your home tournament in front of a home crowd?  Ok, fine.  That's a damn fine reason if I ever heard one.

Also, Masha?  Betty Draper sucks, ok?  In particular, she sucks balls this season on Mad Men.  If you wanted to channel some awesome then you'd be dressing more like Sally, not her horrible tool of a mother.  So I fully expect you to come out in Beijing wearing nothing but Jon Hamm's t-shirt.  Take your fashion cues from awesome people, not emotionless hacks played by people who used to date Ashton Kutcher.

I really don't think this is news.

You know what is news?  Ana winning a match, beating Kleybs easily in fact, after her dismal Heinzless showing in Seoul last week.  And dudes, Ana played WELL.  Great serving, fantastic movement, and phenomenal hitting on her forehand side.  It was ridonk and a truly pleasant surprise.

But of course, the laws of the universe kicked in and Dinara lost to Julia Goerges. 

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BESTIES DO.

 

Oh, Besties. Why Do You Torture Me So???

Dinara won!  Ana lost. 

And so it goes.

Seoul Sisters.

The besties are back in action in Seoul.  Here's the draw, which is headlined by Nads.  Vania and Shveddy are also in the doubles draw.  Tashkent is also a thing and, not that Lexi doesn't already know this, Chakky's there.

As for the boys, Marin heads up the field in Metz, which is almost entirely comprised of Team Step Up 3D.  And the tour dirtballers try to pick up some cash in Bucharest.

 

Pic This: Jesus Christ, PUT ON A SHIRT, MOM!

I confess, I don't have many technical observations to offer on the Dinara match, primarily because Lexi and spent a good 30 minutes staring at Rausa to see if we'd get a nip slip.

We didn't.  But it was a glorious 30 minutes of fearful anticipation.

Around The Grounds: Day 1

My day started with a little Dinara warming up on Armstrong.  I figured I should probably soak this in as much as possible all things considered.  I've unfortunately had to apply my Ivanovician "If you don't see her early you may not see her at all" tactic to Dinara.  As we all know, it was a wise decision.

Dani tweeting away as she waits for Dinara to stop wheezing and get off the court.

Sania!  She was absolutely CRUSHING the ball during her practice session and it was nice to hear that she beat Burrito later that day. 

I...I...I can't even deal with that dress.  First of all, it looks two sizes too big.  Second, it looks, in person, like it's made of pleather.  Third, well, Yonex designed it so the first two points were a given.  Fugly dress notwithstanding, she won in front of a rather packed crowd on Court 11.

 

I was way too distracted by Rafa and Sam that I didn't even notice that Gilles was Rafa's practice partner.  In fact, I do believe my inside voice actually muttered "What the fuck is up with Rafa's skinny, scrubby hitting partner?"  Shame on me.

 

Walked by Court 6 right as Kleybs won her match.  Kept my distance.  Didn't know if she'd start shaking the sweat off or not.

 

Ran off to get some food (a hotdog and waffle fries in case you didn't care) and came back to see Ana and Flavia practicing together on Court 5.  My hands were full of food so I literally stood courtside as I downed my hotdog in four bites.  You know that scene from 30 Rock with the sandwich at the airport?  Moi.

My phone was all crapped out all day (assume it's a network issue because it's fine when I get back to Manhattan) and I was having trouble hooking up with Lexi, who was busy boozing it up all over the grounds.  But once she saw my message that Ana and Flavia were hitting, she found me.  I'm predictable like that.

 

Flavia talking to Stefano, her physio, who I rather randomly met at a bar the other night.  He is so so so nice.  I have to say, one of the nicest "entourage" folks I've met.  Well, he's doing his job right because the toe seems to be ok.  She won later that night.

 

Then it was time for Coco, who couldn't back up last week's tight win over Dani.  Not entirely unexpected, really, but still a bummer.  But at least Dani had to play well to beat her. 

Rest Is For The Weak. And God.

Today, Sunday, was awesome.  With qualies done the players took to all of the courts to practice for extended sessions, and I got to see a lot players from up close.  It was relatively quiet around the grounds but concessions were still open (ahem, beer, ahem) and I highly recommend coming to the grounds (still free!) on the Sunday before play starts.  This was absolutely my favorite day so far.  Saw some Sod, Flavia, Nenad and Daniel, Rafa, Errani, Rodionova, Corretja, Pico, Nico, Aravane, hell, we saw a lot of people and made drunken fools of ourselves.  It was fantastic.

The "sexy" USO pick, Vika, grunting her way through her session.

Vika was practicing next to Venus, who kept looking over at the grunter.

Courage, nee Believe, was out on court hitting with Snooki.

You could see those things from space.

Uh, duh.

Because I can.

Dinara hitting with Agnes.

 

Pop it, Tomas.  And no, I have no idea what Ana's doing in the background.

 

Bojangles!

 

Ula, shorts hiked, hitting with Bojangles.

 

Aaaaaaand Aga, who can't get a sponsor but refuses to be silenced.

Well, She Didn't Break Her Back. That's a Positive.

MaKiri, you badass motherfucker.

An absolutely solid match from Li'l Mash.  She was just steady and showed some great touch and court sense throughout the match.  She absorbed Dinara's power well and had yanked her all around the court.  It would have been a tighter match if Dinara had the serving day she had yesterday against Dani.  But she didn't.  So it wasn't.

MaKiri's take on the match:

I think she was too passive.  I remember when I played her in Australia, she was more aggressive.  Now she's more like making kind of lobs.  It's not really hurting you.

See you at the Open, kid.  I have to think the Slam format of one day on, one day off, will help her.  She looked a bit fatigued today.

Dinara: Unplugged.

The weather finally warmed up today and it was nice and comfortable in the Stadium stands, which is where I caught the Dinara/Dani match.  In a t-shirt, no less.

 

It was the best serving I've seen from Dinara since her return.  She popped seven aces (by my count) and her velocity was up, staying in the 90-105 mph range for most of the match.  She was hitting pretty solidly off the ground as well, though nowhere near as heavy as she used to hit the ball.  But it was still effective. 

 

Hi.

All in all, a nice win for the kid.  Dani was playing well and definitely made her work for it.  A month ago, hell, a week ago, this isn't a match she wins.

 

Rausa rocked her Juicy again and even Mr. and Mrs. Wozniacki checked it out.

And for shits and giggles, and some insight into Dinara's current state of mind, check out this edited version of her presser, which was was adorable:

Dinara082510

My favorite bits are about MaKiri and her response to the "emotional" question.  If you need a Dinara Dossier, please see me.

Happy Coconut

She spent a good 30 seconds before this trying to find the guy and wave him down. Is this her way of flirting? Probably.



Dinara would suck at skee ball. Also, Dude? PRONOUNCE HER NAME RIGHT.



And some Dinara smirking and signing for good measure.

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold. Like Freezing Fucking Cold.

I'm sitting in the hotel lobby at 12:30am trying to defrost while typing this, so bear with me.  I swear I have brainfreeze and a stiff neck from sitting in the cold but it was all well worth it to see our darling Coconut gut out a three set win over her Montreal ouster, Franny, 16 63 61

Mama no likee.

It was looking rough in the first set, as Fran was playing well and Dinara just seemed a step slow.  Her serve is still going to make holding extremely difficult, but she was able to keep her head tonight in really difficult conditions.  The air was frigid and the wind was swirling through much of the match.  But she was able to turn things around in the second set as Franny came back to earth. 

Maybe it took her that first set to warm up and get her legs under her, maybe Franny's drop in form (her backhand in particular went first) gave her more confidence to step into her shots.  But by the time the third set rolled around, Dinara was hitting freer and smarter, hitting with more margin and topspin, and basically keeping the ball in the court. 

Fran didn't have any answers, and by the end of the match every part of her game had broken down.  She was missing her backhand by feet, double faulting away breaks, and muffing volleys that she had stuck in the first set.  So we won't get a Fran/Sam rematch in the semis.  I'm not gonna lie, I'm ok with that.  I still have PTSD.

Dinara gave a quick presser after the match and seemed really touched by the crowd support.  It showed.  She stayed on court for a good 15 minutes signing every last autograph from the faithful fans who endured the cold to see her win.  She even spent a few minutes trying to flag a guy down to give him her racquet.  Not sure what that was about.

She said this was one of the best matches of the year, but humorously acknowledged that she could count the number of matches that she's played this year on one hand.  I asked/told her that the crowd support she had received here and in Montreal must be great given what she's had to go through in the past year.  She paused, looked down, and rather sweetly (in a Dinara way, of course) said "you pointed it out exactly right."  She said that even with her drop in the rankings, to have that crowd support really helped and that it "pumped" her up. 

So keep cheering, guys.  She hears you.  She hears us all.  And she likes it.

Oh, and we have confirmation: Marat will be at the Open.

Air Quotes: Foreshadowing.

 

(Pic from Cincy's FB page)

"They put me yesterday, or before yesterday, just to ‑‑ it's Kinesio tape just to relax the muscle, but nothing."

-- Dinara, on the very familiar tape job on her back.  Hmmmm...where have I seen that before:

Ah yes.  On a certain Top 5 player's arm.  The arm that forced her to withdraw from two Premier mandatory tournaments because she was concerned it might be a stress fracture.

Nothing to see here.  Move along.

Air Quotes: Besties Talkin' Besties.

"Well, actually, the funny thing, we been so long on the tour and we never talked with each other, because I thought that she was more protected.  But then we had a practice with her in San Diego ‑‑ in Stanford first, then San Diego.  I mean, I didn't knew her, so this was the problem.

And then like, Okay, so let's go like for a drink or dinner.  So we went for dinner, and really she's a very nice girl.  I'm surprised, because really I felt she was much more protected or like closed.  But not really.  We had so much fun.  We went for dinner together.

I just wish her like really good luck.  I knew she been going through tough moments, so that she comes back because she's really playing good.

She also has a coach that I used to work a little bit, so that's why we're practicing many times together.  I saw she's playing much better, so just that she keeps on going and that she comes back."

-- Dinara on Ana.

"Yeah, actually, first time we practice together was in in Wimbledon.  After that, we practice couple times I think in San Diego and then Stanford as well and here.  She's really nice girl.  We sort of hung out a little more and talk a little about just stuff in general.  We're like, Ah, come on, let's play final again.  (Laughing.)  So it's good to inspire each other. 

[We talk] [m]ostly about nontennis.  We did mention it would be nice to play final again.

-- Ana on Dinara

(Quotes from The Daily Forehand, who, is giving Boyfriend Jon a run for his money as my new tennis boyfriend.  If you were following him on Twitter (@dailyforehand) you'd know why.)

Pic This: Never Forget.

Pic This: Walkin' The Grounds

Flavi and Sveta, yukking it up before Sveta's dubs match.

I wish Bepa would do *this* on the changeovers.

I'm thinking the security folks get really confused when they check her badge.

Dani, cruising the food court for a Nutella stand.

 

Z and Domi watching the JJ match.  I burst out laughing when I spotted him coming down in that shirt.  Because seriously, you could spot him from space.

 

Sveta, Bepa, and Sergey watching Dinara.

 

"It's not a tumor."

 

Dinara enjoying a latte while watching Dani beat Mono.

 

It was tres cute.

Sam being awesome.

 

Oh, Sam.  I'm gonna need a ring, not a ball.  But yes.  A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

 

Before The Depression Set In...

Before Coco made a fool of herself against Aga yesterday (seriously, it was rough to watch) she practiced and signed autographs on Tuesday.  And bitchfaced Steph.  "Wait, didn't I see you last week?"

But one of the highlights of this week has been seeing a happy Dinara.  It's amazing how adorable she is when she smiles:

 

 

 

I got my picture taken with her and as I was walking away I quickly muttered "You're so great on Twitter!  The fans love you.  Please don't quit."  At first it didn't look like she heard/understood me.  But then a flash of recognition came across her face and she just looked down, said "no" and shook her head.  "Please???"  Rueful head shake.  She clearly got burned, you guys.

Hi and Goodbye.

Holy shit!  Coconut won a match!  Like, really!

But then the shit hit the fan:

 
Dear Internet: Go fuck yourself with a wooden spoon.

 

Let us all heed Uncle Jamie's advice, who incidentally, you should be following if you aren't already.  He's down in San Diego for a few days covering the tournament.  He's also thuper foxy in both mind and body.

Pic This: Besties

Ana and Dinara continue their viral marketing tour for the US Open in San Diego.

It must be love.

Check out their FB page for more pics, including a pretty awesome one of Kleybs and Bepa chowing down.  Well, it's either Bepa or a lumberjack.  Hard to say.

Dinara Safina: Physical Comedian.

Practicing yesterday before her match.

And speaking of comedy...

Kimiko-Tan Strikes Again.

AUUUUUUUUUGH.  You're awesome, but AUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

 

Hmmm...how to sum up this match?  Kimiko was up 2-0 in the first set but Dinara was able to win it 64.  When Kimiko served for the second set, Dinara broke her to force a tiebreak.  Which she lost.  7-0.  The third set was tight early on before Kimiko went on an absolute tear, painting lines, firing aces, and basically breaking Dinara's spirit.  There would be no crying out to the heavens, cracking of racquets, or screaming into hands.  

There was, however, when appropriate, a hell of a lot of vamosing.  Which was pretty funny and thoroughly confusing to the crowd.

Call it zen, call it resigned.  From perspective it was more uncertainty than anything else.  Uncertainty about her game and uncertainty regarding how to do with Kimiko's game.  Dinara's serve was pretty atrocious.  But apart from that, this was a good quality tennis match.  Extremely entertaining rallies and fight from both players.  Mucho credit to Kimiko, obvs.  She didn't wilt and she brought the fight to Dinara.

But don't worry about our little Coconut.  She seemed ok after the match:

"It was my first match back from injury, so I am pretty positive and will keep working hard and try to improve day by day.  My back feels fine and that is the most important thing for me and I will continue working hard."

Honestly, between all the positive third-party reports (from Elena and Ana) about Dinara's current state of mental health and that quote, I think Dinara fans should be on the positive tip. 

Onwards to San Diego, where her cardboard twin awaits.

Video clips of the match after the jump.

Pic This: Let's Go Unicorn Watching!

Aw.  Look at Dinara showing she cares.  All bitch-facing and shit. 

Though, to be honest, @sblily and I couldn't decide whether or not they were concerned for Ana or utterly confused by Kleybs.  I mean, the head jerking, the sweating in 55 degree weather, the ponytail wringing (yes, it happened).  There are a lot of questions, very few answers.

 

Even Jay-Z, the Ana Ivanovic of China, snuck a peek.

LET'S ALL BE FRIENDS!

Pic This: Sports Marketing 101.

"Hey, do you want to go to the Bank of the West Classic?"

"Nah.  It looks horrible.  Let's just go to Cheesecake Factory instead."

"Hey, do you want to go to the Bank of the West Classic?"

"HAIL FUCKIN' YEAH! That shit looks like Disneyland got rolled up in cotton candy, smothered in glitter,  and stuffed up a unicorn's ass!"

"Riiiiiiiight.  I'll get tickets."

"IT'S LIKE A FASHION RUNWAY!!!"

Thelma and Louise.

The great thing about going along to the Dinara photo-op was finding out that she was planning on hitting at 8:30pm.  I was convinced that given the order of play on Monday, Ana would be hitting at 7:00pm.  So while all the other journos wisely called it a day, I stuck around to watch Dinara practice.  But imagine my surprise when at 7:30, Masha walked out on the court.  What???  Sadz.

But then I saw Ana walking out onto a side court with Heinz.  Yay!  Ana's practicing!  So I abandoned Maria's shriekfest and watched Ana warm up and hit some serves.  But after about 20 minutes of warm up she left the practice court.  Boo!

And then it happened.  I went back to watch Dinara hit and low and behold, Ana was there!  Hitting!  With Dinara!  It turns out that there was a bit of scheduling crunch for late practice sessions on center court so these two former number ones teamed up to hit on center.  I'm not sure I can put into words how amazing this was. 

Two former #1s, who played each other in a Slam final, after which their careers took dramatic turns (in opposite directions, obviously), now found themselves laughing it up and hitting with each other in preparation for first round matches that they're not exactly favored to win. 

Throughout their session I couldn't help but just sit and reminisce about the last two years.  These two have been the driving force in my tennis fandom over that time, celebrating their ups, and feeling the gut-punch of their downs.  All in all, there was something sweetly, and sadly, poetic about the moment.  This was the 2008 French Open final, on Center Court, under the lights, in front of...30 people, with last minute hammering and blowers serving as a soundtrack.

It was surreal.

It will easily go down as one of my all-time favorite live tennis moments.  Special stuff.

More pics after the jump.

Pic This: I Suck, You Suck. Let's Be Friends!

I want to wallpaper my house with this picture.  I want to put it in my wallet so that whenever I get sad I can pull it out and believe that there is goodness in the world.  I want Ellen Page to go into my head and recreate this world so that I may live in a permanent dream state in this picture. 

There was no way this day was going to suck after seeing these:

 

 

 

 

 

Throw some Joseph Gordon-Levitt in there and this is my happy place.