Forty Deuce

Don't Worry. I'm Sure He's Still a Grumpy Prick and You Can Go Back To Hating Him Shortly.

So I camped overnight in the Queue at Wimbledon, right? A more comprehensive description of that experience will follow. But while I was in the Queue I did a thing with ESPN that involved me interviewing other peeps in the Queue (#humblebrag).  It was fun and I met some really interesting people who were, quite possibly, bigger tennis fans than me.  It was...disturbing.

BUT.  Ok, so they were queueing up for Center Court tickets to Manic Monday, which basically required them to start camping on Friday.  The numero uno person in the queue was a chick named Jess, and she had pitched her tent at 4pm on Friday.  She was British.  In fact, 90% of the people in the front of the queue were British.  So I obviously assumed that they had gone out of their way to queue early to guarantee a Center Court ticket because they wanted to see Andy on Center.

I WOULD BE HORRIBLY MISTAKEN.

Nope.  Everyone was queued up for one of three reasons: (1) ZOMG I WANNA SEE CENTER COURT! (2) ZOMG I WANNA SEE RAFA! or (3) ZOMG I WANT TO SEE ROGER. 

Seriously.

So being the unbiased journalist that I am, I proceeded to try and convince everyone that they should be excited they get to see Andrew.  Nope.  They weren't having it.

BUT WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ANDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!??!

• "He's unlikeable."
• "He's so grumpy."
• "He doesn't seem to care."

Lather, rinse, repeat, sigh.  Bummer City. 

I honestly can't think of any other player on the ATP tour who is as misunderstood as my future boyfriend Andy Murray.  I mean, I kinda thought the whole "Scottish/British" Andy apathy was, like, a joke.  But having now been in Britain I can honestly report to you that it is not a joke.  They really don't dig his pasty white cheddar.  The cheers seem reluctant when he's winning and they transform into smug, "told ya so" eye-rolling when he's losing. 

Why?  Because he made a crack about the English football team YEARS ago that was taken COMPLETELY out of context?  Because his voice just doesn't have the proper tone or inflection for you?  Because you can't understand why a guy with a scraggly beard and no personality could possibly pull a hot chick like Kim?  (Sidebar: Kim's hair?  AMAZING)

It's so disappointing.  It's made even more disappointing because it's so obvious that he hears all this and as much as he's like "Nah, I don't feel the pressure and I don't care what people think," HE TOTALLY DOES FEEL IT AND HE TOTALLY DOES CARE. 

Andy's cried publicly twice.  He let the water flow in Melbourne after losing to Roger.  Go back and check the video.  Andy's all fine and whatever UNTIL HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT LETTING DOWN THE BRITISH PUBLIC.  Then the cries kick in in earnest.  Then, at Davis Cup, he's all whatever until he starts talking about the tremendous support he got in Glasgow.  Once again, he's "done".

Every morning when I was standing/sitting/passed out in the Queue, I'd buy a bunch of different morning papers.  It became my ritual and everyone made fun of me for having a stack of three papers that I'd pour through before the queue even started moving.  And every morning I was left shaking my head, scoffing, or rolling my eyes at the way the British press chose to write about Andy.  It's as though they were physically incapable of writing about him without a drop (or overflowing river) of negativity seeping in.  Is it the result of overcompensating in order to show objectivity?  Is it laziness because it's far easier to rehash the same narrative than to work to correct the true narrative?  Is it that they just truly don't like him?  I don't know.  It's probably a combination of all three.

I'm obviously predisposed to loving Andy no matter what, but GOD why do they feel the need to throw the dude under the bus every chance they get?  To paraphrase the ever quotable Katie, who never lets us get negative sitting courtside for her faves, "Shut up!  He can hear you!"

So when I heard that Andy let the tears flow in Glasgow it broke my heart a little.  Here he was, playing for his country a week after he suffered yet another tough loss at a Slam, in front of no more than 3500 people in Glasgow, and the dude was so moved by the overwhelming support he received that he cried.

Andy Murray is one of the few "good guys" on the tour.  What's the basis for this statement?  The fact that I've never seen him out (and trust, I've seen a lot of them out) and I've never heard a story from any insider about any idiocy (and trust, I've heard a lot of stories about a lot of folk).  He doesn't go out, he doesn't try and snag tail, he doesn't cheat on his girlfriend, he doesn't drink, and he's a total momma's boy.  He's got a wickedly dry sense of humor, no one on tour has a bad word to say about him, and he works so damn hard and success obviously means the world to him.  I guess that makes him boring and apparently there is no greater sin in tennis than being boring. 

Get behind your boy, Britain.  Without him you've got nothing.  And if having nothing is better than having Andy Murray, well, I think it's time y'all take a hard look at yourselves in the mirror.  I'm sorry that he's not the potential Champion that you want but he's the potential Champion that you've got.  Deal with it.

 

Pic This: LOL.

There is absolutely nothing that isn't ridiculous about this picture.

Amazing.

(Pic: AP)

Skimming the Surafaces.

Much debate in the haps regarding the US Davis Cup team's choice of "Indoor Hard Premier" for the upcoming tie against Spain.  Spain has objected and brought the matter to the ITF's attention.  Apparently the surface isn't on the ITF's approved list but, according to a source who spoke to Joe Fleming at USA Today, the US isn't too worried about getting the ITF's sign-off.

Here's what the Davis Cup rules say about approved court surfaces:

The key provision is this:

"For all Ties in the World Group...the court surface must be of a type used a in Grand Slam Tournament or in a minimum of three Tournaments in the Men's Professional Tour held in the year previous to the Tie."

This "Indoor Hard Premier" definitely isn't used at the US Open or Australian Open, so the issue is whether it has been used in at least three ATP tournaments in the last year.  From what I can tell, it hasn't. 

There's more information in this Ticker post, which pretty much lays out the USTA's stance on the issue.  Curiously, they seem to put a lot of weight in the fact that the surfaces has been used in the past.  But again, rules are rules, and I haven't seen anything that indicates that it's been used sufficiently in the past year so as to satisfy the ITF's rule.  It seems to me the USTA is going to have to show that it's just a semantics issue, and that the surface has been used in the last year, just under a different name.

I can't help but imagine this argument if it were held in court before a judge:

Espana Esquire: Your honor, the rule clearly states that the surface has to be used at least three times in the past year.  Defendants have produced no evidence to show that the use of this surface satisfies that rule.

American Attorney: Your honor, there is no problem with the surface.  It has been used in major competition in the past, most notably in the 2007 Davis Cup final.  The ITF has approved the surface before, it should have no problem with it now.

Judge Judy: Counselor, has the surface been used in any ATP tournaments in the past year?

American Attorney: Well, Judge, it has been used in the Davis Cup final and there are similar acrylic courts listed on the ITF approved list. 

Judge Judy: So it hasn't been used in the last year?

American Attorney: Similar courts have been used extensiv--

Judge Judy: Has it been used in the last year?

American Attorney: Um...[shuffles papers]...your honor, similar acrylic courts have been used and this is really just an issue of semantics. 

Judge Judy: Counselor, where did you go to law school?

American Attorney:  Uh...your honor?

Judge Judy: Sir, I asked you where to go to law school.  I ask because I need to contact your alma mater to ask them why they're not teaching their students that when a judge asks them a direct question, their responsibility is to answer the question placed before them. 

American Attorney:  [Shitting. The.  Pants.]

Don't laugh.  I saw this happen.  But...like...not about tennis.

I would be inclined to think the USTA stepped in something here, but I could be wrong.  They don't seem all that worried about it.  Maybe this is just gamesmanship from Costa?  Always possible. 

The ITF said it would make a decision on the suraface on Thursday.  I'm sure everyone is waiting with baited breath.

The more interesting thing I learned while trying to figure out this story is that during the USTA presale of Davis Cup tickets, which was presumably supposed to be an offer for USTA members only, people who bought tickets didn't even have to enter their USTA membership number.  They just had to have the code.  Well given the way the whole ticketing process went down (read: disaster), it appears that scalpers got their hands on that code and bought up a crapload of tickets, leaving paying USTA members either SOL or stuck up high in the rafters. 

Way to show paying USTA members that you value them and their membership fees, guys.  

 

Pic This: Blue Valentine

If this doesn't look like a couple that's breaking up, I don't know what does.

I know that look, Fer.  Be gentle.  He's so emo.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

Pic This: Context. I Need LOTS.

Um...that's James Keothavong.

(Pic: Getty)

I LAUGHING FOREVER.

Ahem. 11 seconds. WHAT IS THAT FACE.

Two and Four, Bitches.

Davis Cup never fails to shock and awe.  Les Bleus, or "The Rejected Musketeers", came into this weekend depleted.  No Jo, no Gael, and no Reeshard.  So Guy looked down his short bench and tapped a dude who hadn't won a match SINCE OCTOBER, to be his singles #2 behind "I Suck at Davis Cup" Gilles.

Well, you're looking like a genius, Guy.  After Gilles imploded against Melzer (he lost in five sets despite being up 2 sets to one and a break in the fourth), getting bageled in the 5th in case you were wondering, Jeremy stepped up and saved France with a four set win over Martin Fischer, a player who, to be quite honest, I have never heard of. 

But whatever.  A win is a win and France lives on to play Germany.  Your timing is impeccable, Chards.

(Pics: Getty)

SXSW

 

The A-Rod clinched the tie over Chile and Spain clinched yesterday in doubles, which means the U.S. will host the Armada in the quarterfinals.  So far, rumor has it that the USTA is considering Austin, San Antonio, and Albany (N.Y.).

One of these things is not like the other.

ZOMGHAVEITINAUSTIN.  First of all, Austin is Andy's hometown.  Second, Austin is awesome and you will have no problem getting tennis fans from all over the States (a.k.a., me) to fly to a fun city like Austin to see this tie.  Third, the other two cities are SAN ANTONIO and ALBANY. 

This is a no-brainer.  Which is why I'm sure the USTA will go with Albany.

(Pics: AP, Getty)

Pic This: Bitch, Who You Is?

Gurrrrrrrl.....

(Pic: Getty)

Glorious Nation, Indeed.

You got Kush'd!

WowWowWowWowWow.  In a tie that I have to think everyone thought would go to the Czech Republic, World Group newbies Kazakhstan pulled off a shocking upset, with Mikhail Kukushkin clinching it in the fifth rubber over Halek.  Sure, the Czechs were Steps-less, but still. 

While KushKush will get the hero's welcome, let's not overlook the fact that he got his moment because Andrey Golubev (who I find totes adorbs) upset Tomas earlier in the day to keep the tie alive. Tomas?  What happened there, buddy?

So Team Borat (comprised of four former Russians) advances to meet Argentina in the DC quarters, while Team Actual Russia got tossed by Sweden and will have to fight relegation to World Group II.

This. Is. Davis Cup.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

 

Air Quotes: This Guy.

"I can’t walk a single step. I thought I would be in better shape, but I have felt really bad since the first set. I could finish the match because this is Davis Cup. If it were a tournament from the tour, I would have retired in the second set. But here, I play for my country, with my people supporting me and that is a great motivation...It was one of the worst things that happened to me in my life."

-- Nalby: The Legend Continues.

Pic This: The Wall of Pico

No doubt inspired by Nalby's play-through-pain performance, Pico was fired up.

(Pics: Getty)

Well How 'Bout That.

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!

I mean, the guy literally looks like Team Sweden fiddled with some dark arts and resurrected him from the dead, WHICH, given what we all know about Evil General Sod, may have actually happened.  However it was that he found his way on court, Joachim "Pim Pim" Johansson came out of retirement and took out T-Gabs, putting Team Russia in a 0-2 hole. 

Meanwhile over in Serbia, STRESSSSSS!!!  Viktor needed 5 sets to take out Rohan Bopanna, and then Janko, despite being up a break in each set, lost in straights to Somdev.  So the Falconless Serbs finds themselves 1-1 after the first day.  An unexpected result, indeed.

(Pics: Getty)

CapdeWho? CapdeME.

To quote Mr. David Bowie: "We could be heroes, just for one day."

 

Paul Capdeville.  Wee little Paul Capdeville.  Wee little Paul Capdeville who once got into a tiff with Mario Ancic.  WLPC came back from two sets down to take out Big John, 67 67 76 76 64 to even up the US-Chile tie 1-1.  It was gutsy stuff from the little one, who played the fifth set as though he had no doubt that he would come out on top.  He ran down every ball, even ones clearly out of reach, sending a signal to an exhausted and cramping Halpert that he was fresh as a daisy and could go all day.

You have to feel for John.  That's yet another heartbreaking loss for the big man in 2011. 

The Americans should still be ok behind the BryBros and A-Rod.  But these are the matches that make Davis Cup magical.  A dude who's been playing Challengers, puts the flag on his back and in the city of his birth, slays the big man.  Epic stuff.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

For This, We Get Some Long Overdue PicSpam.

YOU WON A MATCH!!!

IN STRAIGHT SETS!!!

OVER A TOP 10 PLAYER!!!

Jeremy pulled off the upset of the day (yes, I think it was the biggest of the day) with a straight set win over Jurgen, on clay, in an Austrian hangar.  That is his first win of 2011. 

France ends the day 2-0 up.  Allez!

(Pics: AP, Getty)

Pic This: Don't Ask. My Brain Works In Weird Ways.

"Psst!  What are we doing for dinner?"

"I could definitely do pizza.  Burritos sound good, too.  Sushi, maybe?"

"Although, I could do pasta.  I mean, I can always do pasta.  You like pasta, right?  Yeah, let's do pasta.  I'm not gonna lie, I could eat the shit out of some pasta."

"ALLLLLLLBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEERRRRRTOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Are you even listening?"

"What's that dude's problem?  Anyway, you guys feel like some 'za?"

"Hey, you feel like pizza?  Feli!  FELI!!!

Fine.  Whatever.  Don't talk to me."

"BRO!  CAN YOU ORDER UP SOME PAPA JOHNS, DUDE?  EXTRA RANCH!"

(Pics: Getty)

 

 

Pic This: Just Because He Picks It, Doesn't Mean You Can.

I don't know.  Maybe that's how Spanish dudes say hello. 

(Pic: Getty)

Caption WHAT?!?: Someone Page Geoffrey Rush

[Yup, new segment.  Because it seems that the photo captioners are getting lazier and lazier, with hilarious consequences.]

(Pic: Yahoo Sports)

 

Pic This: He's Baaaaaack.

Rafa's back on court in Belgium preparing for this weekend's Davis Cup tie.

This is happy news.

(Pic: Getty)

Oh Look. There's More.

And in case you missed the post match festivities....

Champ Stamp > Tramp Stamp.

Shaved heads or not, who wouldn't lick them?

Thanks for the link, Miljan.

(Pic: Mondo)

Pic This: How Do You Say "WOOT" In Serbian?

This picture is amazing.  I have nothing more to say.

Whee!

I don't know.  Your head is still shinier.

Monchichi!

The Dog Days Are Over.

So this was kind of a big deal.

When I think about what Serbia was able to accomplish, not just this year but over the course of the past three years to qualify for World Group, three words come to mind: team, resilience, and pride.

Team:  These are the same four players who have been playing together for over three years.  The bonds reflect that.  All I have to know about this team was what I saw on Friday.  After Novak won the second rubber, he ran over to the bench and started high fiving everyone in the team box.  When he saw Janko, he stopped and grabbed him, giving him a big hug and kissing his head.  He could have easily just given him a high five.  But Nole took the moment to let Tipsy know that the team was still with him and that the tie wasn't over.  Brothers in arms, standing together, at the end of a long journey.  You could see that they were not only happy for themselves, but happy for each other.  Amazing.

Resilience: Serbia becomes the 13th nation to hoist the Davis Cup and only the second unseeded team to win it.  They do so after blowing a 2-0 lead in the doubles rubber on Saturday with Viktor, who struggled in the last three sets of that doubles match, rebounding to take a straight set victory over Mikey Llodes, who had been unbeaten in Davis Cup all year.  Let's also not forget Janko's heroic semifinal wins over Tomas and Radek to get them here.  And of course, Novak Djokovic.  It's hard to imagine the amount of pressure he must have felt all year as the Serbs made their run.  But the sometimes fickle-flower went undefeated all year in singles.  The Serbs are a stubborn people.  In this case that stubborness translated into immovable...

Pride:  Has there been a Davis Cup in recent memory that meant more to a nation?  Scrap that.  Has there been a Davis Cup in recent memory that meant more, period?  Am I trading in hyperbole?  I honestly don't think so.  I'm not Serbian, I wasn't at the tie, and maybe I'm totally talking out of my ass here, but didn't it feel as though all of Serbia had its eyes on Belgrade Arena this weekend?  FOR TENNIS.  A sport that was considered "a girl's sport" for so many years.  The only comparable I can think of is if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon.  But even then I don't think it will compare to what happened for the nation of Serbia, the four men who became national heroes, or the sport of tennis in that country in the span of 72 hours.  You can see it in every single picture that has beamed out across the world. 

Congrats to Serbia and to all the Serbian fans around the world.  Thanks for letting the rest of us tag along.  This was awesome.

(Pics: Getty, AFP, Reuters)

Pic This: This. Is. Davis Cup.

Amazing how quickly your fortunes can change.

Allez.  Ajde.  All day.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

I'm Officially Freaking Out.

I have totally been taking this tie for granted all week.  "Pfft.  There's no way Serbia loses this one.  Not at home."  And then, somewhere between this morning's draw ceremony and all the Qatar outrage, I flipped. 

"Shit.  They could totally lose this."

I'm not sure whether it's my incisive tennis analysis or my tendency to adopt the Serbian "doom and gloom" paranoia when something doesn't look like a sure thing.  All I know is that the frazzle came and I'm not sure what to do. 

I mean, everyone is picking you guys to win.  Pete Bodo thinks it'll be a 3-0 sweep!  Augh!  Stress!

First up tomorrow will be Tipsy vs. Gael.  Despite Viktor recent form (win in Moscow), I think this is the right call.  Janko has been a DC stalwart and he has the guts to step on court in front of 18,000 screaming Serbs and focus to get the job done.  Despite the fact that these two have engaged in the worst trash talking ever ("You're nervous." "Bish, please, I ain't nervous.  You should be nervous."), I think this match is a total toss-up.  I am really interested to see how Gael will deal with this raucous crowd (in the undercard of crowd vs. umpire, I'm going with the crowd). 

Gael won their last match at the USO, but if I recall, Tipsy was physically spent from his Roddick match.  Someone on the FD FB page said that Tipsy may be carrying an injury into this tie.  Take that with a grain of salt, but...FRAZZLE ROCK.

Guy has indeed tapped Gilles over Llodra -- in hopes of saving Mikey's energy for dubs and maybe reverse singles -- to face Nole in the second rubber.  On paper, this looks like a straight set win all the way.  Gilles is 1-5 against Nole, with that first win coming in their first match ever.  Their last match, in Beijing was a 63 62 shellacking.  To me, there's no way Gilles is going to win this match.  All he and Team France can hope is that he makes it a long one and drains some of that Nole energy for Sunday. 

This could go down as an MJ/Coco decision for Guy.  Personally, I think it's the right move.  In the event the Sunday rubbers are live, I'd rather throw a relatively fresh Mikey out there.  He has the maturity to deal with the crowd, a psychological edge in that he beat Novak less than a month ago, and all the pressure will be on Novak to pull out the win.  But if you play him on Friday, you're putting him up against a relatively more relaxed Novak, you drain him for doubles (which is an absolute must win for France), and then you either have to throw him out there again on Sunday or bring in Gilles.

Tactically, I think it's the move you make, though if it doesn't pan out you'll get killed for it. 

So anyway, yeah.  I'm worried.  That Gael/Janko rubber is HUGE.

(Pics: Getty)

 

 

 

SOMEONE GET ME A NOVAK LIGHTER.

So when you're done staring deeply at that picture (seriously, after five minutes I found that I had inadvertently tilted my head) you should also read this.

(Pic: Getty)

Introducing, The Underdogs

France, one of my favorite "teamy" teams, somehow find themselves in the Davis Cup final despite not having their #1 for most of the year.  How'd they get here?  Sure, they definitely played well but they also took advantage of four straight home ties on that quick hardcourt surface that plays right into Mikey Llodes' serve and volleying hands.  That's right, this will be their first away tie of 2010.

Uh, good luck with that, boys.

Anywho, here's Team France.

• Michael Llodra: The guy has almost single-handedly carried France to the finals.  Taking advantage of the ultraquick hardcourts in France, he's served, volleyed, and doubled his way to an undefeated record in Davis Cup this year (2-0 in singles, 3-0 in doubles).  He'll be without his BFF, Apricot Bars, but he won with Clement against Argentina.  I'll be interested to see if Forget starts him on Friday, or instead chooses to start Gilles so that Mikey is fully rested for doubles.
• Gael Monfils:  While the Serbs may have JJ in the crowd egging them on from behind an eye-patch, France has their own King of Chaos.  At times magical, at times a walking embodiment of arrogant idiocy, Gael proved with his win over Fed in Bercy that he has the game to beat anyone on any given day.  Unfortunately for France, his track record seems to indicate that he's a big fan of having a French Army (hah!) behind him.  He won't have home court advantage this time and the Serbian crowd would do themselves a favor to get into his head.  There ain't much up there so you might as well fill it with negative thoughts.  He'll tap out in no time.
• Gilles Simon:  He's 1-5 against Nole but on the slower court you wonder if Guy might tap him instead of Mikey on Day 1 (this is the rumor anyway, nothing confirmed).  At a minimum he can maybe run around and make Nole work for the win.  Either way, the quiet renaissance man who always gives good quote will be ready to party if France pulls this off.  The dude is awesome with HoYay.
• Richard Gasquet:  Will he be playing?  Probs not.  But that isn't going to stop me from pulling some of these gems out.
• Jo Wilfried Tsonga:  Out for the season with a knee injury, he'll be ridin' the pine serving as a cheerleader.  Damn shame, too.  Not only is Jole always riveting entertainment, the complexion of this tie completely changes if he's healthy.  He holds a 7-1 DC record.  Anyway, I hope it's shirtless cheerleading.   G-string optional.

(Pic: Davis Cup Official Site)

 

Air Quotes: Trash Talk, Novak-Style.

Q. Today the French team is starting to prepare for the finals. Do you know where are Troicki and Tipsarevic are? Are they preparing for the finals?
NOVAK DJOKOVIC: I'm not saying anything. It's a big secret (smiling).

No, they're starting to prepare, as well. They're getting very serious. I think they never played better in their lives. Just for the French team, one notice.

Q. You keep in touch?
NOVAK DJOKOVIC: Of course. It's unbelievable. They're feeling the ball incredible. Seeing it like a watermelon. I'm kidding (laughter).

(Pic: Novak's Official Site)

 

 

Home Court Advantage?

My Serbian sources tell me that this is how crazy Belgrade Arena could get for Davis Cup. At least, it's how crazy Belgrade Arena *should* get for Davis Cup. But from what I understand, people who actually want to go and cheer on their boys are having trouble getting tickets, and fancy bougies who just want to go to be seen are buying up all the tickets. They'll probably sit courtside and look bored and shit.

Huh. That sounds a hell of a lot like the U.S. Open.

But hey, if I can incite a near-riot* by cheering on Janko from the last row in the upper decks at Ashe, the hardcore fans, even if few in number, should be deafening in Belgrade.

Hell, give Ana and Petko some thundersticks and let them go at it.

Wait...that might have come out wrong...

Thanks to Miljan and Noleksa for the links.

*sliiiiight exaggeration.

Is This a Trap?

Because I kind of love this idea.  Yet, because I'm normally such a hater, I find myself in a state of confuzzlement.

On one hand, who wouldn't want a combined event that features the men and the women in a modified Davis/Fed Cup format that is played in alternating years?  If it's going to be a competition among nations then let's a make it a COMPETITION AMONG NATIONS.  Let's give our men and women a break from having to play so many matches and flying all over the world to represent their countries during the most inopportune times of the season (Immediately after AO? Immediately after USO?  Come on.)  Oh, and did I mention mixed doubles?  DID I MENTION MIXED FUCKING DOUBLES?!?!?!?!?

This sounds too good to be true!

But then there's the traditionalist in me.  I like that the men and women are kept on different slates.  I mean, could Spain really win this new competition given the weakness of its women's field?  Could Italy's women show off its awesomeness if it had to deal with Fabio Fucktard Fognini?  What about Argentina?  If you thought Nalby got pissy with Delpo, wait until he has to deal with Gisela.  And would any umpire crew actually agree to work a tie that involved BOTH A-Rod and Serena?  Doubtful.  And, if there were 7 rubbers for each tie (so dirty) we wouldn't have thos awesome ties where one dude/dudette totally carried the team to victory and became a national hero.  I love those moments. 

All reservations aside, I *think* I really love this idea.  How it will work alongside the ITF's competitions, who knows.  If this just means that the talent pool for the ITF competitions will get diluted (with some players choosing Davis/Fed Cup and others choosing Butchapalooza), then that's complete and utter bullshit.  It seems to me that in order to exhibit the best of what nation-based competition has to offer, only one of these two ideas can survive. 

But the tennis community ain't the swiftest in embracing change.  While the ATP and WTA seem on board with this new idea, will the players and federations just immediately bail on Davis Cup and Fed Cup to love up on this new competition?  Or will we have to deal with an idiotic schism, where Moose, Rafa, and Sam play the ITF, and Fed, Moose, and Flavia play the Buchholz version.

Pfft.  That was a horrible example.  Moose ain't playing either because we know Britain ain't winning shit either way. 

But it's an intersting thing to think about.  Thoughts?

 

 

 

Too Many Dicks.

Yes, there is tennis outside of Doha this week. And yes, it involves cute boys. And yes, I will try to run it down for you:

Montpellier:

This is my ATP tournament of the week, with a bunch of Frenchies, a tall white dude, and a balding Russian all in action.  Isner is serving up a storm.  He served 27 aces today in his three set win over Mannarinno and is one ace shy of 1,000 on the year.  Kolya, Gilles, Nalby, and Jo are all still in the mix.  In fact, Gilles and Nalby play tomorrow.  Whee!  Meh.

St. Petersberg:

Misha's the top seed and he's still in, along with Janko.  Viktor wasn't able to follow up his win in Moscow.  He's out, along with #2 seed Staks.

Vienna:

Juergen is defending but really, I can't pay attention now that my new boy toy GGL lost.  Oh, and Marin is actually still in the tournament, which...shocker.

In other sausage headlines, Jim Courier, the Clay Ginger himself, has been appointed the new US Davis Cup captain.  I love Jim so I'm happy with this pick.  He's smart, witty, knows his tennis, and he's a great face for US Tennis. 

On the heels of that announcement, A-Rod announced he was in for Davis Cup next year.  It's always best when we have the best players representing in Davis Cup so that was nice to hear.

Sod is the fifth dude to qualify for the ATPLDNWTFYECs.  There are three spots left and Tomas, Daveed, A-Rod, FeVer, and Misha are fighting for them.

Phew!  That was a lot of dicks to get through. 

Rescue Raft.

Say hello to your new Australian Davis Cup captain. Also, "Hello, Australian Cup Davis Cup team. I'll be watching you more for sure now." Pat Rafter was the first tennis player that ever made me stop in my pants. I mean "tracks".

What were we talking about?



More shirtless Patty being charming and shit. He makes me melty.

Have Fun, India.

The 2011 Davis Cup draw is out.  Serbia, the top seed, gets the home tie against India, the Americans are going back to South America, and Spain is going to Belgium.  In Zonal news, the Swiss have a first round bye and the Brits host Tunisia, which, seriously, if you can't win that one without Andy, I don't know what to tell you.

WORLD GROUP

First Round

Serbia (s) (c) v India

Russia (s) v Sweden (c)

Czech Republic (s) (c) (*) v Kazakhstan

Argentina (s) (c) v Romania

Chile (c) v USA (s)

Belgium (c) v Spain (s)

Germany v Croatia (s) (c)

Austria (c) v France (s)

 

Pic This: Ding Dong.

Someone on Twitter said that Davis Cup pwns all other tournaments in pictorial awesomeness. 

I have to agree.

Pensive Tomas.

Sluuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp.

Davis Cup Hoss.

Cheerleader Nole.

This week on Broadway: Guy Forget as Monsieur Thenardier!

Oh, Stanley.  Sadz.

Daddy shaved!

Spongebob is a Sod fan.  This explains...so much.

*Everyone's* obsessed with what's between his legs.

Meh.  Not so much.

Pic This: Emo Needs a Hug!

Bonus Nole after the jump.

Relegators! Mount Up.

Huge comeback win for India, who have finally made it into World Group I by coming back from an 0-2 deficit against Brazil to take the next three matches.  Nice wins by Bopanna and Somdev in singles to clinch this one.

Austria was pretty stoked too, bouncing Israel 3-2.

Romania clinched 5-0 over Team Lappenti.

Mardy Fish was the man in Bogota, winning all three of his matches (with a little help from Big John) to take the tie for the Rodless, Bryanless, Americans.

Sod sealed the win over Italy, beating Goth Bols (yes, he still kinda plays tennis) to clinch it today.

Team Techno dusted the South Africans, 5-0.

Rather inexplicably, Team Kazakhstan rolled over the Fedless Swiss, 5-0, to make their first World Group appearance.  Make glorious nation, boys.

Meanwhile, the decisive matches in Cairns were rained out.  They'll resume play tomorrow with the Roos up 2-1.  They'll be without Lleyton though.  He sprained his face mugging.  Or hurt his wrist in doubles.  Either way, he's out for a few weeks.

Ajde vs. Allez.

Janko Tipsarevic.  Davis Cup Hero.  Has a nice ring to it.

Serbia came back from 1-2 in the tie to book their spot in the Davis Cup finals for the first time ever and they pretty much have Janko to thank for it.  He won both his singles ties, beating Berd and Steps to dig ther Serbs out of the whole left after NeNole couldn't come through in the doubles yesterday.  His hair is shaggy, his beard is long, and his balls, they are big.

Serbia will host Team Step Up 3D, who bounced the Argies 5-0.  This should be a cracker of a tie but I already give France the edge.  The DC final will be held immediatley after the London Championships.  You have to think Serbia's going to have to field an exhausted Nole, once again.

But we'll worry about that in two months.  For now, congrats to these hard working boys.  Two much deserved champions if you ask me.

Sigh. Here We Go Again, Argies.

Mr. Davis Cup didn't come through today in the rubber the Argies absolutely needed after Mikey Llodes beat Pico in the first rubber of the day.  Gael, tennis' version of a "box of chocolates", came out firing, taking an aggressive game to Nalby and using the home court to his advantage.  There would be no brainfarty trick-shotting today and as a result, Argentina finds itself in a 0-2 hole going into tomorrow's doubles.  You have to think it'll take a miracle to pull this one out.

Over in Belgrade, Janko was the man of the hour, stepping up to take out Tomas in four sets to even the tie at 1-1.  Too bad Viktor couldn't step up to beat Steps.  I really thought that was the rubber the Serbs were going to win.

Nole says he might be fit for doubles tomorrow but will definitely up to play Tomas on Sunday if that rubber is necessary.  I would love to see some Nenad/Nole dubs.

Enjoy the Pepto, Nole.

Davis Cup. It's Happening.

I've been a bit pre-occupied with some other posts so for everything you need to know about the Davis Cup semis (and a bit of a Pico chaser), head over to Brodie's site.  He did the hard yards.  Give him some love.

Bee Tee Dubs, can we just talk about what a bummer it is that Tennis Channel has chosen to cover the France/Argie and US/Colombia ties as opposed to the Serbia/Czech tie?  I know the France/Argie tie is a tighter one, but damn if I don't want to see some Nole/Tomas on my TV.  Oh wells.  Streams it is.

Oh, and in case you didn't know, Gael's fine-tuning to Davis Cup:

*eyeroll*

Whatever.

Man. That Falcon Flies Fast.

As if the kid hasn't already earned a standing ovation, Nole's back in Belgrade with the boys preparing to contend the biggest Davis Cup tie in Serbian history against the Czechs.

"I can't predict how I'll feel on Friday but you always find the strength and energy when you play for your country in such an important match."

Tomas is well-rested, obviously, after his first round loss in New York.  Who knows how it will all pan out but bless Nole for being there. 

Yay! Now Let's Get Out Of Here.

Nole was the hero in the saucy Croatia/Serbia tie, clinching it with a really weird win over Marin the fourth rubber.  Marin played like shit and Nole kept building these 5-0, 4-0, leads in the sets before struggling to close them out.  The crowd was obnoxious as expected, perhaps not realizing (or caring) that they were freaking out Marin and costing their team points.  

Nole was able to keep his cool though, thankfully, and after the match he immediately ran over to the Croatian bench and shook everyone's hand before joining his boys for some hugging and jumping.  All in all, this tie could have been completely out of control if not for the class of the players on both sides of the net.  So good on them.

So the semifinals are set: Argentina at France and the Czechs at Serbia on what I can only assume will b super-slick hard courts and super-slow clay courts, respectively.  That's some tasty shit right there.

Like A Fat Kid Love Cake.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

Congrats to Nalby and his band of baby blue men.  The King of Davis Cup came through in the decisive rubber, beating Mischa to advance them to the semis. 

Even Marat was happy for him.

Something tells me that come September, we're going to be looking at where Nalby ends up in the USO draw.

Pic This: So...There's That.

"Hang the Serbs.  Never forget, Never Forgive."

Lana, from Great Tennis Photos, has more.

Pic This: Karmic Retribution For Photobombing.

Get It, Serbia.

Nenad and some bearded girl won their dubs rubber today, which puts Serbia in driver's seat at 2-1.

Bless.

Allez, All The Time.

Ok, seriously.  How can you not root for France? 

Mikey Llodes put the team on his shoulders and just killed it this weekend.  Heck, not even *this* weekend.  More like he transformed into a top 10 player for 36 hours, first beating Fer in singles, then teaming up with his...friend...and taking out Fer and Feli to clinch the tie for France.

Well done, France.  That shit was gayer than the tent scene.  Oh yeah, I said it.  I SAID IT.

Davis Cup: The Only Thing Nalby Loves More Than Food.

I WILL EAT YOU.

Nalby doesn't play a match for like, three months, drops into Moscow, and takes out Kolya in Davis Cup.  I mean, that's what the guy does.  You have to feel for Nalby.  I hope he gets to hoist that DC trophy one day.  You know if he does he'll use it as a food bowl for the rest of his life.  Like, cereal, every morning.  No spoon.

Mischa leveled it at 1-1 after beating Mayer.  It'll be up to T-Gabs and Consumption to stop the Nalby train tomorrow.  You have to think that if Argentina takes the dubs, it's all but over. 

Francey McFrancey!

Red cards, indeed.

Don't get me wrong, I love the teamy Spaniards.  But the Frenchies give them a run for their money in the HoYay! department.  Today was no exception.

 

After Gael did what he does, win in unnecessarily dramatic fashion (won in 5 sets after being up 2-0), it was Mikey Llodes' turn to try and pull off a big win to put France in the driver's set.

Which he did, serving and volleying his way past a frustrated, exasperated, and confuzzled Fer to take it in four sets.  Fer was jawing with everyone who would give him the time, Allison Lang (boy, don't you dare), Costa, the air, his teammates.  Sadly, his behavior isn't shocking to anyone who's seen his matches over the past few months.  Dude's head ain't right. 

And he got fat.  Or so I've been told.

Tomorrow should be super fun and full of HoYay!  Fer/Feli vs. Llodes/Apricot.  Boys, boys, let's forget about the tennis.  Just strip and start making out.  You want it, we want it, why the charade?

Can't We All Just Get Along?

The great thing about sport is that it can bring people together.  In most countries, top athletes are more influential than politicians.  So it sure was nice to see the laughs and the love between the Serbs and the Croats prior to their DC tie.  This is the first time the countries are meeting since the countries split under not so super-happy-fun-times circumstances.

Unfortunately, the fans weren't paying attention.  On the way to his straight set win over Lubey, Nole had endure some retardedly disrespectful behavior from the Croat fans.  They refused to stand for the Serbian national anthem and chanted "Kill the Serb" during the match.  

I'm always flabbergasted when fans do this shit because it seems so shortsighted.  Don't they realize that it does nothing to pump up their own player?  It sure as hell distracted Lubey:

“It was strange to see guys, the crowd, whistling on Serbian anthem and the players and so loud on ours. You could feel the tension; you could feel the emotion so it was really difficult for me to play the first couple of games.”

Nole said the jeering calmed down once it was clear that he was going to win the match.  Afterward and during the rubber, he stayed calm and classy:

Djokovic was just pleased to come out with a win. “It’s sensitive circumstances that we play in and considering the situation between the two countries that they had 20 years back and, of course, it’s still very fresh [in the mind],” he said.

“We are professional athletes and tennis players and we don’t involve politics in sport. We want to perform our best four the country and win; that’s what I did today and in the end I got a nice appreciation from the crowd for what I have done today so this is what I remember from the match.”

Marin would come back to level the tie 1-1 win a win over Viktor.  On to Day 2.