Forty Deuce

Air Quotes: WTF Did They Say?

 

Some choice quotes from the WTFs to round out the ATP year:

Q. To jump to the No. 1 position in the world, will you have to attack more?

ANDY MURRAY: I think against certain guys. When I played Roger and Rafa the last few times I played them, I played very aggressive tennis. That's what you need to do against them. Against some guys you need to defend more.

You know, if you play against a guy that serves 140 miles an hour on the first serve, you can't attack. So you need to balance it depending on the opponent, depending on the match, the stage of the match.

I think I've improved that side of my game. I've worked on serve-volleying, you know, in some matches the last few weeks. I think I've attacked a lot better towards the end of this year than I was at the beginning.

...

Q. So if you weren't obligated to be on the other side of the net, fair to say [Rafa's] your kind of an athlete, your kind of guy?

ANDY RODDICK: Well, as far as what? Do I think he's cute?

You're Breaking Up? WTF!

Congrats to my favorite Serbo-Canadian duo, who end their three-year partnership by taking out the BryBros in the semis and Max/Mahesh in the finals to claim their second WTF trophy.  Not a bad way to go out.

Hope they still have playdates.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

HE'S BACK!!! (HE WAS NEVER GONE!!!)

I didn't watch the match.  Part of it was tennis fatigue, part of it was Moose-related depression, but most of it was the fact that I find Fed/Rafa matches played outside of a Slam to be the opposite of riveting.  I'll tune into their matches on clay because I just love clay-court tennis, but otherwise, meh.  The hype is always deafening, the hyperbole mind-blowing, and the quality tends to be rather disappointing.

I don't mean this to be a knock on Rafa and Fed.  I actually think that if I could watch the match on mute and not read or hear any journo or fan commentary in the days and hours leading up to the match I actually might enjoy it.  I mean, they're both very good tennis players.  Two of the greatest.  Simple science would indicate that a match between the two of them should be riveting stuff.

But I'm a hater.  I'm a contrarian.  And if I have to listen to hundreds of people tell me that "IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS!" then I'll pretty much throw up a middle finger and tell them to shut the fuck up.  I won't tolerate any "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS, YOU DON'T LIKE TENNIS" proclamations.  I will not stand for any insinuation that just because these two guys are on the court, it is the best match of the week, let alone the last six months. 

I'm not saying I'm right and I'm not saying it's mature.  I'm just saying this is how I feel.  Please don't shove this rivalry down my throat.  Please don't hype one storyline (FED HAS TO WIN THIS MATCH TO REMAIN RELEVANT) only so your story pitch works either way (FED'S STILL RELEVANT!  FED'S TOAST!). 

It was a match, played at a tournament that is not a Grand Slam, at the end of the year, after Fed had gone 21-2 since the USO and picked up two indoor trophies.  Fed hadn't dropped a set all week and looked sharp.  Rafa was forced to scrap through two three-set matches, one of which was the best three setter of the year just yesterday.

The result?  Not surprising.  Fed never went anywhere.  He's the #2 player in the world for a reason.  He won a Slam this year and he is *always* part of the conversation.  He hasn't gone anywhere and this rivalry will be relevant until Fed retires. 

So congrats to Fed.  He bookends his 2010 season with a couple of significant titles and reminds all the idiots who have forgotten -- seriously, who are these people, where are they, and why do journos and fans keep referencing them? -- that he should be feared in 2011.

(Pics: Getty, AFP)

No Consolation.

36 hours later and I'm still a bit numb about it all.  It was the best best-of-three match of 2010 against two guys who brought their A-games.  It was one of those matches where you just didn't want either player to lose, not because of rooting interests, but because you knew how gutted that player would be if they lost a match like this.  It was wall-to-wall shot-making, "gets" that made you throw up your hands in disbelief, and clutch hitting and serving in the moments that mattered.  It made you love tennis players, tennis fans, the game of tennis itself.

And once again, Andy's best wasn't good enough.  Let's face it, that's the upshot.

He had every shot in his arsenal working.  He served well (22 aces!).  And his movement was impeccable.  Aside from that idiotic back-to-back drop shot game early in the third that virtually gifted Rafa the break -- a break Andy would get back later -- he played a perfect match.  22 aces, 85% first serve points won, he was broken only once in the match, and he won 114 points to Rafa's 109.  Hell, he was up 4-1 in the third set tiebreak.

But despite all that he just couldn't come through in either of the two tiebreaks.  When the stakes were  high and the pressure so oppressive as to render Twitter silent, Rafa was better at "being better".  Andy didn't crumble in those breakers.  He made Rafa play and he still lost.  Put simply, Andy played his best and Rafa was still better.  

I always wonder what's more disheartening for an athlete: playing like crap and losing, or playing well and losing.  Personally, when I played sports, the former would piss me off more but the latter made me all emo and cause me to do some soul-searching.  There's no shorter road to Bummertown than realizing that your best isn't good enough.  It's kind of soul-crushing, actually.

But it sounds like Andy is taking well.  At least as well as one could expect him to. 

"It was a great match to finish the year. But I need to improve because I’m competing with the two best players of all time. So if I want to win these tournaments, I want to win the Grand Slams, I need to get better."

Here's hoping that this loss lights a white-hot flame under his ass as he heads to Florida for his off-season preparations.  Keep on working, Moose.

Because first things first, you owe someone some diamonds.

Match highlights for those who missed it, after the jump.

(Pics: Getty)

"John."

Sod, Muzz, and Nole own this video. But really, it's all about Nole's smug charm and Muzz's dry wit.

"Death." *long pause* "Understandable."

Snicks.

Pic This: I've Got HP On The Brain.

(Pic: Getty, IMDB)

As It Should Be.

I'm going to need those Coronas.

All of them.

Go Andy.  Go Nole.

And no, I don't mean go home.

CENTRE COURT start 12:15 pm
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) vs [2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB)

Not Before 2:00 PM
[1] R Nadal (ESP) vs [5] A Murray (GBR)

Match Starts at 6:15 PM
[6] M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL) vs [3] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR)

Not Before 8:00 PM
[2] R Federer (SUI) vs [3] N Djokovic (SRB)

(Pics: Getty)

And This Is Why We Love Him.

THE DUDE CAME OUT WITH AN EYE PATCH.  COME ON!

An easy win for Pirate Nole over a totally over it A-Rod to clinch his spot in the semis.  WOOT.

Nole and Gingers.  Misunderstood since 1633.

(Pics: Getty)

Rafa Be PEEEEEEEESSED.

Ok, so as best I can understand it, here's what happened.  At 15-all with Rafa serving to force a first set tiebreak, Tomas hits a ball that the linesman calls good.  Rafa hits the ball back into the court but puts his finger up as if to signal that he's stopping play to issue a challenge.  But a second after Rafa does this (and his body language totally indicated he was planning to stop play) Carlos Bernardes overules and audibly calls the ball out.  Tomas complains and Carlos tells him he can challenge.  Tomas does and Hawkeye reveals the ball is in. 

Here's where shit gets "wha?"

Carlos awards the point to Tomas.  Carlos is totally wrong.  Irrespective of Rafa's body language, Carlos is the one who called the ball out.  Rafa hit the ball back into play.  The fact that Hawkeye proved him to be wrong means the point should have been replayed because Rafa was there to get the ball back into play.

Am I wrong here?  I mean, yes, Rafa was going to challenge the ball anyway, and if he had he would have lost the point for stopping play.  But he didn't.  Carlos made the call.  Carlos was wrong.  Replay the point.

I'm pretty sure Tomas regrets ever calling the challenge.  After Rafa went off on Carlos and the tournament referee he went off on the tennis ball.  All fired up he would go on to one of those "Ruh roh.  Now I know why they call him 'The Bull'" runs to clinch the first set and cruise to victory.

You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

 

The Hairier Dych Won.

I play tennis, I wear a hat, *and* I have a full head of hair.  AND WHUT.

Andy came into this match having beaten Tomas in all three of their 2010 meetings.  He lost in straight sets despite having a set point in the first and goes 0-2, virtually assuring his elimination.  Oh, and he yelled at Mo.  Not ok.

And so once again, Andy gets all excited and then runs full force into the glass window.  Actually, that's probably why he's lost so much hair.

Seriously though.  Cute.

(Pics: AP, Getty)

This Is Not The One-Eyed Nole I Wanted To See.

HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE LASIK???

I have horrible eyesight.  I've worn glasses since the 6th grade.  I was a regular contact wearer through college.  After my first year of law school I went to the optometrist and he informed me that my eyesight had gotten 100% worse.  "Are you a law student?"  "Yep.  How'd you know?"  "You guys read a lot and are in front of the computer all the time.  It makes your eyes go bad quick.  Wear your glasses, instead of contacts.  Glasses put less strain on your eyes."  So I did.  And my eyesight has remained stable for 10 years.

Meanwhile, particularly in the past five years, all my friends are getting Lasik.  Seriously, it's, like, the thing to do.  At first I was like "NOOOOOOOO!!! Don't get Lasik!  Your glasses are part of your look!!!"  But, it turns out that no, their glasses weren't a part of their look and actually, they look awesome and couldn't be happier.

Me?  I still fall asleep with my glasses on, wake up with them off, and pray every morning that I haven't broken them somehow in my heavy slumber. 

But you know what?  I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.

A wonky contact lens turned what was a scintillating match between, for my money, the best rivalry in tennis (yes, I would rather pay money to watch Rafa/Nole than Fed/Rafa), into a confusing anti-climactic straigth set win for Rafa.  I mean, yay for Rafa, but damn this had the makings of another classic clash between these two.

Novak belly is a small consolation.  But I'll take it.

(Pics: Getty)

 

Pic This: Missionary Work.

I love that Max maintains eye-contact.  Such a romantic.

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: Was the Gel Confiscated at the Airport?

Nole hit the practice court with an ungelled Fer.

And Marian did a handstand:

Impressive, actually.  Nice to have him back.

(Pics: Novak's website)

Let's Do This Again.

REMATCH!

ORDER OF PLAY - WEDNESDAY, 24 NOVEMBER, 2010

CENTRE COURT start 12:15 pm
[5] L Kubot (POL) / O Marach (AUT) vs [7] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL)
Not Before 2:00 PM
[6] T Berdych (CZE) vs [8] A Roddick (USA)
Not Before 6:15 PM
[2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) vs [3] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR)
Not Before 8:00 PM
[1] R Nadal (ESP) vs [3] N Djokovic (SRB)

(Pic: Getty)

What Was That?

New kit, old habits. 

My man Moose has been described as many things: clever, miserable, pasty as a vampire.  But perhaps above all those entirely accurate descriptions one thing has remained true throughout the 2009-10 seasons:  He is consistently inconsistent.  You never know which Andy will show up on any given day and that is the stress that Moose Heads must deal with on a weekly basis.  One day he's making Rafa look a step slow and predictable, the next he looks like he has no business being in a Grand Slam final.  One week he's making Fed look one step away from calling it a career, the next he looks like he doesn't even belong in the same league. 

Andy can't be counted on.  Even he knows this.  He's said that his goal in 2011 is to become more consistent.  Unfortunately it's still 2010. 

Fed was sharp today, no doubt.  Andy would have needed his A-game make this a competitive match.  But for whatever reason, in front of his friends and family, on a court that suits his game perhaps more than anyone else, against an opponent he has had past and recent success against, he just plain didn't have it.  He was flat, he played with no conviction, no passion, and he slinked away from this match lucky not to have been sent home with a bag full of pastries.

So it goes.  It's no surprise or shock that he lost yesterday to Fed.  Had this been a competitive three-setter no one would have flinched if Fed had come out on top.  But Andy was flat out crap.  For a guy who is one of the most competitive players on the tour the trend is utterly perplexing.  Even more disconcerting is the fact that he has no idea why this keeps happening.

Poo.

He'll have a must win match against Daveed on Thursday, who lost to Sod in straights today. 

Damn you, Moose, for making me root for Fed.

*whispers* Come On, Andy!

You know he's way better than you at wearing a suit and looking otherwise dapper?  Well this is me hoping that you're way better than him at hitting a tennis ball tomorrow.

Sweep the leg, Ginger.

CENTRE COURT start 12:15 PM
[3] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) vs [7] J Melzer (AUT) / P Petzschner (GER)

Not Before 2:00 PM
[2] R Federer (SUI) vs [5] A Murray (GBR)

Not before 6:15 PM
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) vs [6] M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL)

Not before 8:00 PM
[4] R Soderling (SWE) vs [7] D Ferrer (ESP)

(Pic: Reuters)

Rusty Rafa. Donsie Dick.

As expected, Nole took care of business against Tomas.  So the story of the day was Rafa's three-set come from behind win over a valiant RAndy.  Taking the court for the first time in five weeks, it sounds like Rafa was about as sharp as his oddly-muddled technicolor kit.  I haven't seen the match yet, but A-Rod said that once Rafa found his range on his forehand in the second set, the match completely changed.

The win should give Rafa quite a bit of confidence going into his Wednesday night clash with Novak.  This is his first win at the O2 arena:

“I can play with a little bit more calm the next match. But even if I lose the next match, I’m still going to have chances to be in the semis. So that's relaxing me a little bit more. Is very positive victory for me and very, very important.”

Rafa's now 69-9 for the year.  Pathetic excuse for a tennis player.

(Pics: Getty)

Revenge Redux.

Day 1 went by with little fanfare or drama.  Day 2 brings the return of Rafa, who's been sidelined since losing to Jurgen in Shanghai in the beginning of October.  He'll take on A-Rod.  They last met during Andy's white hot run through the Spring hardcourt season when Andy bounced Rafa in three sets on his way to the Miami title.

It's hard to know how Rafa's feeling physically but the year-end championships are one of the few empty checkmarks on his career card.  He won't like this low-bouncing court but I'll take a well-rested Rafa any day of the week and twice on Sundays. 

But the first singles match of the day will see Nole take on his Wimby dream-ruiner, Tomas.  Nole's already exacted revenge during Davis Cup, but let's go ahead and double up, shall we?  Given their current form it'll be a shock if Tomas can pull off the upset here. 

CENTRE COURT Start At 12:15 PM
[3] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR) vs [5] L Kubot (POL) / O Marach (AUT)

Not Before 2:00 PM
[3] N Djokovic (SRB) vs [6] T Berdych (CZE)

Start At 6:15 PM
[2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) vs [7] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL)

Not Before 8:00 PM
[1] R Nadal (ESP) vs [8] A Roddick (USA)

 

Daveed Belly!

 

Awww...he tries so hard.

But that'll be 0-11 against Fed.  Daveed didn't hold serve until the second set and fought valiantly.  He even had three game points when Fed was serving for the match.  But Fed was able to summon some big serves when he needed them and finally closed out the match. He'll face Moose on Tuesday (!!!).

But whatever.  DAVEED BELLY.

Pic This: Good One, Getty.

So here's the thing.  I went to see Harry Potter last night at a theater that allows you to drink.  This theater has basically revolutionized the way I watch movies, insofar as now I watch movies in the theater while drunk. 

All this is to say that 1 Fruli, 1 sidecar, two "Gryffindors", and 1 Trumer means that (1) Um...I'm going to need to rewatch Harry Potter and (2) I'm staring at this incredibly awesome picture of Fed and I just can't come up with the perfect caption.  It's infuriating.  Also infuriating?  The slow burning hangover I've been nursing all day.

So anyway, this is what I got.

"Hey!  Look at that asshole!"

Thanks.  Thanks.

Who Farted?

Sod did.

Even Andy will admit that you never know which Andy will show up on any given day.  Today, the one that is very good at this little game called "tennis" showed up.  Freshly argyled (Really?  NOW you finally get a new kit?) Moose Boy looked in control and hit the court ready to run.  He was serving well, running everything down, and made it clear early that if Sod wanted to win a point, he was going to have to either get to the net or win 15+ shot rallies. 

Sod didn't have the legs for the rallies (he said after the match that he was fatigued) and Andy made him look a fool every time he came to the net.  All in all, a clinical takedown by the Green Goblin.

Oh, come on.  Those Murray women are hared to please.

(Pics: Getty)

 

Enough With The Foreplay. STICK IT IN.

This "dead week" in between Paris and the WTFs is such a waste.  You know the players want to get this over with, the fans want to get this over with, everyone wants to get this over with except for the Paris tourney director, who surely knows that if the WTFs were held immediately after his tournament, everybody be losin' in the first round of Bercy.

But seriously, how dumb has this been?  We don't need two days of suited photo-ops.  I don't need to see pictures of Andy Murray trying to remember if he zipped his fly while in deep conversation with David Cameron.  Eliminate the dead week!  All the teasing is all fine and dandy at other parts of the season, but right now it's just making me impatient, annoyed, and really, I would just rather roll over and go to sleep.

All this is to say, thank the Lawd that play finally begins tomorrow.  Group B, a.k.a. "Group Love/Hate", kicks off play at 7 a.m. EST.

The Moose will take on the man who supplanted him at #4.  Swede vs. Scot.  Paris vs. Shanghai.  Hitter vs. Homeboy.  Viking vs. Ginger.  I could go on.  But I'll stop.

For no other reason than the fact that Moose is more well-rested, and because I love him unconditionally, I'll tap Andy. 

I also think he'll win.

Second up are Fed vs. Daveed. 

Uh...sorry, Daveed.

Pic This: Oh, Nevermind.

It's just Sod.

Pretty sure he just ate the twins. One for each dimple.

Why is it so cold in here?

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: Dementor!

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: Wait, How Many Wallet Sized Ones Do I Get With Package C?

Don't smile, Moose.  It's just so not your thing.

 

Is Nole growing a playoff beard?  Secondly, can whatever he has going on with his chin even be classified as a "beard"?

 

Jowltastic!

Faces of evil. 

(Pics: Getty)

 

Odd Men Out.

No one wants to talk to you, SOD. 

The boys donned their suits to pay a visit to Downing Street and British PM David Cameron.  Obviously Daveed showed up in his tennis kit and had to borrow a suit from the "proper attire" closet. 

Downing Street: It's like a fancy steakhouse.

"You assholes told me grey!"

I just cannot deal with that tie sitch.  No one thought to tell him?

"It was a horror to be here."

"Hey, did one of you step on Daveed?"

All in all, a bit meh.

I prefer the dapper matchiness of last year's Hogwart's Class Reunion.

Hopefully we'll get more pictures tomorrow at media day.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

Intriguing.

Here are your WTF Groups:

Group A: Rafa, Nole, Berd, A-Rod.

Group B: Fed, Moose, Sod, Daveed.

Lots of questions in Group A: Rafa's shoulder, Nole's motivation given Davis Cup, Berd...sucking, and A-Rod being A-Rod.  But it should be Rafa and Nole out of that group.  Main question for Group B: How tired are you guys?  Here's hoping Fed and Sod are EXHAUSTED.  Do it, Moose and Daveed.

Leave your thoughts in the comments.  I honestly don't know what to think.

"You Win a Breaker! YOU Win a Breaker! Every. Body. Wins a BREAKER!!!""

Ok, fine, not everybody.  But it sure did seem like today.  Every match featured at least one tiebreak except for Fed's win over Steps.  Whatever Fed.  You're SO fucking special.

Nole, Tomas, Fer, and Daveed all took a seat today.  Three of them will have some time to settle into London.  One of them will have time to further experiment with hair gel. 

Oh, what's that?  Was I being to cryptic?  Fer.  Fer is the one experimenting with hair gel. 

Yup, with today's results, Fer was officially eliminated from London and the Tomas, Daveed, and A-Rod confirmed their spots in the final eight. 

"STEVEHOLT!"

Singles - Third Round
[1] R Federer (SUI) d R Stepanek (CZE) 64 63
M Llodra (FRA) d [2] N Djokovic (SRB) 76(6) 62
[3] A Murray (GBR) d [13] M Cilic (CRO) 76(6) 36 63
[4] R Soderling (SWE) d S Wawrinka (SUI) 76(3) 63
[10] N Davydenko (RUS) d [5] T Berdych (CZE) 46 76(5) 60
[12] G Monfils (FRA) d [6] F Verdasco (ESP) 67(4) 76(2) 75
[11] J Melzer (AUT) d [7] D Ferrer (ESP) 76(6) 26 63
[8] A Roddick (USA) d E Gulbis (LAT) 63 76(8)

Doubles - Quarter-finals
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) d W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL) 76(2) 76(5)
[8] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) d [4] L Kubot (POL) / O Marach (AUT) 75 46 11-9

Doubles - Second Round
[6] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR) d J Erlich (ISR) / M Kohlmann (GER) 36 61 10-5
M Knowles (BAH) / A Ram (ISR) d [7] R Bopanna (IND) / A Qureshi (PAK) 63 62
[8] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) / M Youzhny (RUS) w/o (Youzhny - back)

ORDER OF PLAY - FRIDAY, 12 NOVEMBER, 2010

CENTRAL COURT start 2:00 pm
[8] A Roddick (USA) vs [4] R Soderling (SWE)
[10] N Davydenko (RUS) vs M Llodra (FRA)
Not Before 7:30 PM
[1] R Federer (SUI) vs [11] J Melzer (AUT)
Not Before 8:30 PM
[3] A Murray (GBR) vs [12] G Monfils (FRA)

COURT 1 start 2:00 pm
[6] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR) vs [2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB)
[3] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) vs M Knowles (BAH) / A Ram (ISR)  

(Pic: AP)

Air Quotes: The Final Word

The WTA season is officially over.  I think I speak for everyone when I say "othankgod".  I definitely need a break.  And alcohol.  Maybe some decriminalized, but not legalized, drugs.

But before we wrap it up, here are some good quotes from Doha:

Double The Fun.

What's not to love?

Congrats to Flavia and Gisela for taking the doubles title in Doha, beating Vania/Shveddy in the semis and Kata/Kveta in the finals.  They'll finish as the #1 and #2 doubles players, with Gisela at #1.

On a selfish note, as much as I'm happy for them, please, Flavia, don't become a doubles specialist.  I prefer you single.

Pulpo Sam Does It Again.

 

And so it ends much as we all predicted.

Kim and Caro played a high quality match that saw Kim seemingly crusing to victory before Caro was able to rally back from 1-4 down in the second set to force a third.  Kim was finally able to stave off the charge and take the final set 63.

All in all, a satisfying YEC in my opinion.  JJ's play and Elena's first match notwitstahnding, I thought the round robins yielded some quality tennis.  And while the semifinals were disappointing (seriously, what happened there, Vera?  And Sam?  Talk about a match turning on milimeters) the final was a nice showcase for women's tennis.  And of course, there was this, which ensures that this YEC won't be quickly forgotten.

So Kim will finish the year at #3, and with nothing to defend in Melbourne she has a very good shot at being #1 after the Australian swing.

And with that, we say goodbye to Doha and hello to Istanbul in 2011. 

Because Hallmark Doesn't Have a "Retirement at 29" Card.

More after the jump.

20-26-27-26

No, that's not my locker combination.  It's the ages of our semifinalists.

Alright.  With Vera's surprise win over Kim, in straight sets nonetheless, the semifinals are finally set.  Thanks for nothing, Vera.  You better fucking beat Caro, that's all I'll say about that.

Kim's 4-0 against Sam.  BUT Sam did finally take a set off her at the USO and, really, should have won that match.  So...ah, who am I kidding?  Just get a set off her, Sam.  That would be nice.

Despite their 3-3 H2H, based on form you gotta go with Bepa.

Let's do this, ladies.

Here's your OOP, which now includes the doubles championship:

1. Raymond/Stubbs vs. Peschke/Srebotnik (15.00hrs)
2. Kim Clijsters vs. Samantha Stosur (NB 17.30hrs)
3. Caroline Wozniacki vs. Vera Zvonareva
4. Dulko/Pennetta vs. King/Shvedova (NB 20.30hrs)

(Pics: WTA Site, Getty, AP)

BREAKING: Class In, Class Out.

Elena Dementieva has retired from tennis.  Like...FROM THE SPORT.  So that's kinda news.

After losing to Fran 64 62, Lena was joined by a bevy of old-guard compatriots as she announced that Doha was her last tournament and she would be retiring from tennis at 29:

Has there ever been a situation where "Thanks, Mom" didn't make you burst into tears?



And Bepa, on behalf of a nation, says thanks.

More thoughts in a bit.

 

Let Us Sit Back and Enjoy.

Oh yeah.  Doubles!

First, let us stop for a second and give it up for the awesomeness that is in that picture.  Stubbsy, Vania and Shveddy, Kata, Flavia, it's all gravy (and yes, I left out some names intentionally).  I honestly have no idea who I'm rooting for here.  Rumor has it that this will be Stubbsy's last YEC and that she'll retire after AO11.  So you have to want Stubbsy to go out on top, right?

But what about Vania and Shveddy!  The picked up two Slam trophies this year and always look like they have so much fun together.  And remember Vania's speech at the USO about almost retiring?  What's not to love there?

And then there's Kata!  I never get to see her, she's awesome as all get out, and I just think she should win at life.  That's a pretty strong rooting interest for me.

But of course, who can forget Flavi and Gisela.  They've won a crapload of titles all year, they have a joint Twitter account, and we can all agree that at least when it comes to Flavi, you root against her at your peril. 

So given all those great options, here's my rationale:

Flavi and Gisela: You guys have won so much this year.  And Flavi, you've got Fed Cup in a week, too.  I mean, if I root for you I kind of feel like I'm rooting for Warren Buffett to make more money.  That seems odd.

Kata and Kveta:  I think I need a more compelling storyline than just "I like Kata!"  Besides, you guys beat Nads and Sam at Indian Wells.  That kind of sucked.  And Kata, you won mixed dubs with Nenad at Roland Garros.  So you've got some solid hardware on the year.

Stubbsy/RayRay:  I want this for you, Stubbsy.  I really do.  I want you to go out a champ.  You've been sitting courtside during Sam's matches, you're fun to watch, and you can drink yourself a lot of Molly Dooker wine.  But Lisa's holding you back, not so much on the court as in my heart.  I just can't set it aside.  Sorry.  Also, you never really look like you're having much fun with her.  That's a dealbreaker, ladies.

Vania/Shveddy:  It's weird. You guys are the ones with the two Slam titles and yet I feel like you're kind of the underdog.  Vania, you just got shafted by MJ for Fed Cup.  That blows.  And while rooting for Flavi and Gisela felt like rooting for Warren Buffett, I feel like rooting for you guys is like rooting for that dude in the cheap suit who walks up to the craps table with his last $100 and starts getting on a hot streak.  I mean, you never root against that guy.  You actually want to see if he can keep that hot streak going.  So yes, I choose you guys. 

You're also Rafa approved and you seem to know Sergey.  This just feels right.

So there it is.  The format for the dubs championship is single elimination.  Here's the draw:

• Flavia/Gisela vs. Vania/Shveddy
• Stubbsy/RayRay vs. Kata/Kveta

Play begins Saturday.  Go tennis.

Editor's note: This is officially the longest fucking post ever written on the subject of doubles ever.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

 

My Name Is Jonas.

First of all, Jonas is hot. Second of all, LULZ. Sam's wild hair, "free radicals", JJ's creepy lurking, "maximize their beauty potential", it's all gold. But of course, no video is complete until Sneks makes a cameo.

Done and done.

"Hmmm...This video is kinda bor-WHAT THE WHAT???"

That was my inner monologue right up to the 52nd second of this here gem of a video.

I don't know what he was doing there or how he knows Vania and Shveddy. But I do know that the WTA was smart as hell to splice him in there. Don't let that brand new logo fool ya. They know how to market the shit out of what they got. Bless them for it.

Interesting Information I Did Not Collect Myself.

Some cool (or not cool, depending on your fandom) facts and figures out of Doha:

• A win over Kim today would secure Bepa the #2 ranking, otherwise it's still up for grabs with Kim.
• Sam will finish at #6, but with every win she'll jump one spot.  The ladies she could leapfrog?  Venus (#5) and Serena (#4).  That's right, if Sam wins the whole thing she would finish at #4 ahead of Serena.  How's that for a mindfuck?  Then again, at least she actually beat Serena this year, at a Slam no less.  But if you want Serena to be in the Top 4 going into AO11, you should probably root against my girl.  Or you could root for your girl to play more than six tournaments in a year, but hey, what do I know.
• Fran is projected to finish at #7, with JJ, Lena, and Vika rounding out the top 10.  Today's results will determine whether JJ and Lena finish 8 and 9, or vice versa.
• We'll have two 30 year olds in the Top 10.  Get it, geezers.
• Lena will finish in the Top 10 for the 7th time in 8 years.  The female Kolya, indeed.
• Kim is 16-1 since Wimbledon.  That one loss?  A three-setter to Bepa in Montreal.  Intrigue!
• Caro and Bepa are the only two players to reach at least 6 finals this year.  Caro preeeeeetty much won all hers and Bepa preeeeeetty much lost all hers.  So...#1 and #2, disrespectfully.
• After a solid first half of the year (IW and SF of RG), JJ has lost 10 of her 16 matches since Wimbledon, including 4 losses to players ranked outside the Top 90 – No.129.  From the first half of the season to the second half her glitter usage dropped by 72%.  Yes, I made that up but it sounds 100% true.

Wasn't that fun?

The Kids Are All Right.

 

The semifinalists are set for Doha and if you look at that group it's hard to argue, as Brodie said, that of the eight players in Doha these aren't the four impact players of 2010.  You've got the world #1 who was virtually unbeatable for the second half of the year, the world #2 who found her stride and made two back to back Slam finals, a defending Grand Slam champ who will likely end the year at least #3 in the world despite having to skip a Slam, and a new giant killer who proved this year that she has the game to beat anyone on any day (yes, even people named Serena) and will finish the year as the only player to beat both Serena and Woz while they were reigning #1s, aka, the chick who turned this blogger's stone heart into melty goo.

If that alone doesn't qualify as "huge impact" then you need to go read a dictionary for a bit. 

While you do that I'll be in the corner with my Strunk & White trying to learn how to not write a sentence that goes on for seven lines.

But congrats to all four.  Sam clinched her spot after she took the first set over Elena.  Clearly she knew this and decided, as I did, to take a celebratory nap after that.  Elena would take the next two sets, 64 76(4). 

Just kidding.  It was nice to see Elena pick up her game and play well.  After that dismal performance against Caro on Tuesday it wasn't looking good for her.  But she gets her revenge on Sam.  Good on her.

Speaking of Caro, it was looking dicey has hell for the wannabe #1 after that first set, which Fran took 63.  But the Kid righted the ship and took the next two 61 61 to clinch her spot in the semis and the year-end #1 ranking. 

I haven't seen this match yet but I can't wait.  Despite the scoreline I hear there were some tremendous rallies.  You get on with your bad self, Fran.  Now go win tomorrow to get yourself a $200k paycheck (well-deserved given the amount of on-court entertainment she's brought all week) and get thee to San Diego, where I will be rooting for you to raise that Fed Cup. 

Sigh.  What are we supposed to do with you, Vika?  Look, everyone knows your potential is HUGE.  I'm pretty sure we all thought you were going to be the first kid from your generation to hit #1, not that  Danish Muppet.  But it seemed as though every time you were under the radar you'd come out of nowhere with a quality run (Stanford) and when you were over the radar (I don't know...that works, right?) you would collapse, sometimes literally.  The talent is there.  But you gotta get fitter in the body and the head.  It's just really frustrating to watch.

And mind you, I'M NOT EVEN A FAN!  I actively root for you to lose.  In fact, if I were to be blatantly honest, I pretty much root for you to literally collapse on the court (caveat: so long as you don't actually hurt yourself).  When you walk by me at tournaments I have to hug the wall for fear that I might spontaneously kick you in the kidney.  But I don't hate you as much as I love tennis and for the good of the game you need to be good.  Besides, I can't hate on you when you're losing all the time.  It just seems cruel.

Oh.  She lost to Kim, 64 57 61.  Yet another third set collapse (figuratively).  Kim's win meant both she and Bepa clinched the group.

But don't go anywhere!  There's still stuff to play for tomorrow!  I'm really looking forward to Lena vs. Fran and Kim vs. Vera.  Kim and Vera are the only undefeated players left and whoever wins will play Caro (loser gets Sam, as is life) and be eligible for bonus money for going undefeated in RR play if they win the title.  Plus, and maybe I'm naive here, but I don't think any of those four will be tanking their matches.  There's a lot of pride on the line.

Pic This: Orinoco Flow.

You know why Caro makes a great WTA #1?

Because she does a great job at not making a "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???" face when presented with shit that she would have every right asking "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???"

 

No, Bepa!!! Don't Hit the Children!!!

Totes cute video of Fran, Kim, Nails, and Bepa doing a kids clinic in Doha. I just love this combination of players. What a great group to present to aspiring tennis players.

Also, if Sam's ok with it, I want to have your babies, Bepa.  Now, I know at least one of you out there in FD land is going to object to this and tell me to get in line.  But I'm bigger than you and I'm pretty sure I could beat you up. 

So...end of the line, shorty.

UPDATED: "So what's the what's the scenario."

It's a shame they're not both wearing flannel.  Opportunity lost.

Thanks to the hard working folks at the WTA, here are the Doha scenarios going into tomorrow:

Maroon Group:

• Sam only has to win one set to clinch a spot in the semis.  Fran has to win to stay alive.
• If Woz wins then she clinches a spot (and the #1 rank)
• If Sam and Fran win, then Sam advances.
• If Lena and Fran win, then Sam advances, Woz is eliminated.
• If Lena wins in 2 sets and Woz wins in 2 or 3 sets, then Fran is eliminated.
• If Lena wins in 3 sets and Woz wins in 2 sets, Sam and Woz advance.
• If Lena wins in 3 sets and Woz wins in 3 sets, Sam advances and Fran is eliminated.

White Group:

• If Kim wins, Bepa and Kim advance.
• If Vika wins in 2 sets, Bepa advances nothing changes. All four can still advance.
• If Vika wins in 3 sets, Bepa advances, JJ eliminated.

Rankings storylines:

• If Woz goes winless in Doha and Vera goes undefeated, Vera clinches the year-end ranking.
• Kim is the only one who can overtake Vera for #2 but she has to win the title in order to have a chance at it.
• If Sam wins all 3 RR matches, she'll clinch a Top 5 ranking.  If she wins the title she has a chance to go as high as #3.
• If Fran wins her remaining RR matches, she could over take Venus and make her Top 5 debut.  She could even go as high as #3 if she makes the final.
• Vika, JJ, and Elena all have a chance at the Top 5 if they win the title.

(Pic: Getty)

Doha 2010: Thursday OOP

First up, we've got this rematch. It would be great if Elena were fully fit and able to compete at a top level, but based on what I saw against Caro on Tuesday, that looks doubtful.  She said after the match that it wasn't her ankle but the heat that was affecting her.  Either way, she did not look great on Tuesday.

Let's go, Sammy!  Win and clinch not only your group but a year-end top 5 ranking.

And in the nightcap we have a rematch of the RG quarterfinal, where Fran really started her remarkable run by busting Caro 2 and 3.  Fran leads the H2H 2-1, but Caro won their last hard court meeting this year in Montreal fairly easily.  If Caro wins, she'll clinch the year-end ranking.  If Fran wins, well, she'll be awesome and the WTA's collective foreheads will hit the desk.

The most anticipated match of the day for most will be Vika vs. Kim.  Vika is 0-1 after losing to Bepa in straights.  Kim is 1-0 after beating JJ in straights.  Needless to say, this is a must win for Vika and it will be a good test to see where Kim's game really is.

This one's a toss-up for me, but I'm going with Kim.  She leads the H2H 2-1 with both wins coming on hardcourts.

Eclipse.

Sorry, Sunshine.  Not today.

Or as Sven might say, NOT TODAY!!!!

Apropos, methinks.

SAM!

A fantastic match from Sam, where we saw her play within herself, engage in intelligent shotmaking, and play the big points well, beating the current #1 and Never-Loser Caro, 64 63.  Seriously, this only her third loss since Wimbledon, which is crazy because she also plays, like, four tournaments a week.

Just a really clean and awesome performance from Sam.  The first set was pretty tight, with Sam having to climb out of break point holes seemingly on every service game.  But once she finally started serving and hitting into Caro's forehand, things seemed to get easier.  She was able to open up space on the court and not let Caro dictate with her backhand, which she hits much harder, flatter, and with more angle.  Caro can't dictate with her forehand and started leaving balls shorter or more in the middle of the court, which gave Sam a chance to take control with her forehand. 

But perhaps more importantly than her tactical execution, Sam played well on the key points.  Caro had six break point on the match.  Sam saved them all.  Sam had three.  She converted them all.  Not bad for a chick who was down 0-4 in the first set to Fran yesterday.

So Sam takes the clear lead in the Maroon Group.  She'll play Lena tomorrow.  A win obviously clinches the group for her (and she would play the #2 to come out of the White Group in the semis) and a loss would still get her into the semis depending on the result of the Fran/Caro match. 

"Turnaround, bright eyes..."

Meh.

Well you won more games than I thought you would so that in and of itself is a victory. 

Kind of.

Even though I watched this match I kind of don't remember this match.  Like, at all.  I remember the commentators saying that JJ fainted in the locker room yesterday, was advised that she should go to the hospital, refused, and had an IV drip all night.  I think after I heard that I may have stopped paying attention to the match.

Jim Fleming from USA Today (@USATgolftennis) brought up an interesting debate topic via Twitter.  He said he gave JJ a lot of credit for taking the court and trying her best.  I countered that it's her job as a professional athlete to try her best, that I give her credit for the hard work to qualify for Doha, but not so much for her competitive spirit once she got here.  Matt Cronin has been adamant all week that he thinks JJ should have called her season and skipped Doha to heal up and let an alternate (Nails) take her spot.

I kind of agree that JJ should have skipped Doha.  She's clearly not even close to 100% and when you're fainting and needing IV drips after one match that lasted less than an hour, you're not even fit enough to be competitive.  But at the same time I totally understand wanting to take the court to try, because you just never know.  And of course, there's the money issue.  You get $100,000 for showing up and another $100,000 for every RR match you win. 

But this brings me to my take on it:  I get JJ wanting to make the trip to Doha, try and heal up, and take the court against Vera yesterday to see if she could compete.  Why not at least give your body a chance to heal and pocket the $100,000 "appearance fee" while you're at it.  No fault in her there.  But once you pocket that $100k, you don't get any more money (or rankings points, obvs though you do get rankings points for each match played regardless of result) unless you win matches.  So if it's true that after yesterday's match she was fainting and was advised to go to the hospital, refused, and drank from a banana bag all night then she should have sat out today's match against Kim and called it a season.  I can't think that she thought that she could beat Kim given her physical state.  And I can't think that the fans tuning into the match were watching because they wanted to see Kim get a punching bag as an opponent.

Feel free to voice your disagreement in the comments.  I really do want to hear people's thoughts on this.

Anyway, speaking of Kim, she looked great in that first set.  She was actually serving quite well, hitting cleanly, and moving great.  Then things started to get loose towards the end of the first and into the second.  She was double faulting like a mofo (10 for the match, I believe), which means that the serving woes she's been dealing with since her return at Wimbledon are still an issue.

But this was probably a good match for Kim to make her competitive return.  JJ really couldn't hurt her, not in her state, so it was a nice way to easy into things.  But she'll have her work cut out for her tomorrow when she takes on Vika. 

Yo, Vika...

Sergey says "Quiet, please."

In what was probably the best match of the tournament so far (and most dramatic, I'd say), Bepa was able to keep clawing back from being a break down to overtake a frustrated Vika, 76 64.  I tuned in towards the end of the first set and all know is that Vika looked on the verge of tears, her grunt has somehow gotten even longer than it used to be, and Vera was monologuing like a champ, muttering and gesticulating like she had the lead in Hamlet.

Yeah, it was awesome, guys.

So Vera moves to 2-0 in the white group and still has a mathematical chance to catch the year-end #1.  She basically has to run the table and win the championship and Caro has to lose her next two. 

Oh, what's that?  You say there's absolutely no way Vera can do it?

Sergey say "Quiet Please."

(Pics: Getty, AP, Reuters)

Doha 2010: Wednesday OOP

Day two should see more competitive matches, primarily because there are more healthy players on the slate.  That's always a plus.

First up, Vera vs. Vika.  This one's juicy and Vika's coming off a win in Moscow, but I'm going with Bepa, who leads the H2H 5-2.  Vika doesn't have a great history of performing well at back-to-back tournaments.  Then again, they've met three times this year with Vika winning two and retiring in one.  So...shit, I don't know.

Yup.  That's some quality tennis analysis right there.

Next up, Kim vs. JJ.  Something tells me I will be napping during this one.  JJ only took 3 games off Bepa and had to be put on an IV drip after the match.  So...how many do we give her off Kim?

Yeah...that's what I thought.

Kim leads the H2H 6-1, with JJ winning their last match in Toronto in 2009.

Rounding out the night, Sam vs. Caro for supremacy in the Maroon Group.  Their H2H is 2-2, though they haven't played since Osaka in 2009.  Based on recent form I'll go with Caro, though if Sam can go a full match serving the way she did in the second set against Fran, this could go Sam's way. 

Doubt it, though.  Sorry, Sammy.

Oh, also, if Caro wins she secures the year-end #1 over Bepa. 

Play starts at 5pm local time, 10am EST.

Wanna Trade?

I really don't know how I feel about this whole "Comeback Kid" thing.  On one hand, I mean, it's better to be known for comebacks than to be known as a loser.  On the other hand, WTF???  Why are you digging yourself these holes, Sam?  Is it so you can show off your amazing muscles as you scratch and claw yourself out of them?  Come on, kid.  Inquiring minds want to know.

In the most competitive and entertaining match of the day, Fran built up a 4-0 lead over a UFE-tastic Stosursaurus (credit to Ben), only to have Sam finally find her rhythm to roar back, reeling off the next six games to take the first set 6-4.  Sam even served for the set and held.  Held!  AT LOVE!  With, like, aces and shit!  It was weird.

The second set remained tight as both players showed some gutsy shotmaking interspersed with some dumb errors.  But I thought the quality was high and I really enjoyed the match.  There were slices, drop shots, power, and net play from both.  These two have such different games and yet they match up so well.  Whoever can execute their game plan better wins and today, Sam's serve, once she found it, really put her in the driver's seat.  She was finally able break at 4-4 and then she served out the match.  And held.  SHE HELD TO SERVE OUT THE MATCH.  It was weird.

But awesome.  But weird.  Whatever, I'll take it.

Oh, come here, you.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

They're #1 and #2 For A Reason.

 

Caro and Bepa cruised in their first round matches, with Caro beating a hobbled Elena 1 and 1, and Bepa beating a ailing (is that vague enough?) JJ, 3 and 0.  Everybody was all like "ZOMG, this purple vagina tour is such a LOLZ!  How can anyone take it seriously?"

Well, we all know that JJ and Lena are hobbled, right?  And we know their results in the last few months haven't been great, no?  And we know that Caro and Bepa are, according to the rankings, the top two players in the world who actually play tennis full-time.  I mean, even if you can't accept that fact you have to agree that they have both had waaaaaaaay better years than Lena and JJ.  And we know that Caro and Bepa have been in good to fantastic form over the past few months.

So...how are these results surprising?  Disappointing?  Sure, I mean, everyone *hopes* for competitive matches but I don't think we had any reason to believe these were actually going to be close ones.  And if anything, wouldn't it have been more pathetic if the top two players couldn't blitz a player with one leg and another with no nose?

Calm down.  I'm referring to JJ's respirtatory issues, knee jerks.  She skipped her post-match presser, by the way.  You just keep on keepin' on, JJ.

So I'm going to be the one to say great job Caro and Bepa.  You're the top seeds in your groups and you played like it today, playing smart and contained tennis to get on and off the court quickly. 

And you did it while still being you.  Well done.

Oh, and PS, I can't wait for the handwringing and rending of garments when Rafa and Roger dole out some breadsticks and bagels in London.  Because you know there's absolutely no double standard here.  Not at all.

(Pics: Getty)

Doha 2010: Tuesday OOP

Play begins tomorrow at 5pm local time.

 Here's hoping JJ wears clothes.

First up is new world #2 Bepa vs. an already whining about injury and fatigue JJ.  JJ's just going to go out there and try her best, you guys.  The two have a 6-6 H2H but you have to like Vera in this one.  Reports from the ground say Vera is looking great in practice, JJ not so much.

Also, is she breaking out in hives or something in that picture?  That's a distracting amount of splotch all along her neck and upper chest.

 

Next up, very nice blond ladies who haven't won shit.  Or so the narrative would read if I weren't me and I were someone else.  Elena is coming off an ankle injury that forced her to withdraw from Luxembourg so who knows what her form is.  Caro is coming off -- what's this? -- a two-week break since she won in Beijing.  That's like a three-month break for most people. 

Caro leads the H2H 4-3, but she's beaten Elena both times they've met in 2010, most recently in the Tokyo finals.  Gotta tap the kid here.  She kinda really needs to win this title.       

   

I don't even want to talk about it.

I'm still smarting.

Though, Sam, if I may, can I just as you one teensy-weensy little favor?  Please get that nail polish off.  Otherwise I'm going to spend the entirety of your match laughing my ass off, and that's not the type of support or intensity I want to be bringing to this match.

(Pics: Getty, AP)