Forty Deuce

Queen of the Hill.

Kimiko-Tan, you are out of con-fucking-trol.  A day after she bounces Masha she celebrates her 40th birthday by advancing to the third round after Dani refused seconds on another bagel and retired, 26 60 40, with a right shoulder injury.  That was one hell of a birthday present, Dani.  Did Ai put you up to it?  Kimiko plays Franny next.

Meanwhile, Ana took one look at Mono's get up and promptly threw in the towel, losing 62 61.  The kid is wildly inconsistent right now but that's way better than being consistently stank.  So that's the silver lining there, folks.

 

Except for the minor upsets of Petko over Sveta (dance, bitches!) and Coq Au Vin over Aravane (she's really gotta be hating American teenagers at this point) the remaining seeds pretty much cruised into their next matches.  Vika, in her first match since kissing the ground in New York, posted a solid performance against Lucie and Caro does what Caro do: win matches at tournaments no one is watching.

Oh, what's that?  You're saying that Sam, the number four seed, lost in straight sets to JULIA FUCKING GOERGES?

Bullshit.  No stream, no livescore, and no pictures.  It never happened. 

 

No, Really. We're Excited. We Promise.

Did someone photoshop out the dildos?  Because those are some seriously anemic fist pumps, if that's what they're trying to do. 

The Tokyo draw is out and everyone in that picture has a reason to be smiling other than Lumberjack Sam.  She's in a quarter along with Vika, Ana, Dinara, Aravane, Wicky, and Mono.  That's...rough.  So I will excuse her weird fist thing up there.  But the rest of you?  No excuses.

In other news, BEPA YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!  CAN YOU HEAR ME!  CAN YOU????

Come on, Caro.  Do us a solid and tell her. 

Someone's gotta get through that thick skull of hers.

Do We Really Have To Explain This Again?

Man, I thought after the JJ/Dinara at #1 debacles of 2009 everyone would understand how tennis rankings work.  But I guess with the Slam season over and ensuing tennis lull beginning, it's that time of the year for beating up on easy targets in order to bolster your big name favorites.

My Google Reader is inundated with stories with headlines that can only be summarized as follows:

"ZOMG, YOU GUYYYYYZZZ!  KIM WON AND DROPPED IN THE RANKINGS BUT TEARSY CRYERSOVA JUMPED UP AND IS NOW RANKED HIGHER?!?!?! WTF!!!!!!"

Even Tennis Channel's Court Report, which could have reported on anything in its 30 second spot, decided to ZOMG Vera's ranking. 

I can sit silent on the couch in my pajamas eating cold dim sum delivery watching Bones reruns no longer.

365 days.  That's what the rankings measure.  Your performance over the past 365 days.  Not your 2010, not your last 10 years, and certainly not the public's perception of your tennis prowess.  Now I'm sure that last point is really what gets into people's pants.  "BUT THE RANKINGS DON'T REFLECT HOW I RANK THESE PLAYERS IN MY HEAD!!!"  Well, I don't know what to tell you there, fair-weather fan.  But if you actually paid attention to these players and to this sport on a weekly or daily basis, you'd see that the rankings are precisely right.

Has Kim had a better 2010 than Vera?  Yes.  How do we know that?  Because the Race points say so.  The Race points, which measure performance FOR THE SEASON, put Kim one spot ahead of Vera.

Has Kim had a better last 365 days than Vera?  Not based on points.  Kim won the 2009 USO and didn't play again.  Vera kept playing through the fall season and picked up some points.  Not a whole lot of points, but enough to put her ahead of Kim. 

How does this confuse people?  How does it cause hand wringing and hair pulling?  I seriously don't get it.  If Kim takes the rest of the year off and Vera fails to defend her points and falls behind Kim, are we going to see a bevy of "KIM IS SITTING ON THE COUCH EATING BON BONS YET SOMEHOW JUMPED A SPOT IN THE RANKINGS!!!!" articles?  Doubtful.

If anything, given Kim's year, it's impressive she's as high as she is.  She won Brisbane, Miami, Cincy, and the USO, sure, all fantastic and amazing performances in big tourneys.  But she also got dumped from AO, IW, and Wimby, and she completely skipped the clay season, including RG.  She's quickly falling into that Serena category:  A player who can dominate any time she shows up, but you don't know (1) if she'll show up and (2) whether she'll bring her A game or F game.

So here's my question for everyone:  Everyone likes to take a piss at the rankings system.  But it's way easier to tear something down rather than offer solutions.  So what's the alternative?  Give more point weight to the Slams?  Stop rewarding the tour stalwarts who clock in and out each and every week so that a tour even exists?  Force the Serena and Kims to play more so that their rankings are more "true"?  Add a qualitative element like the college football polling system?  Or will the rankings system, no matter what, always be the source of easy jokes?

Weigh in in the comments.  I'm genuinely curious to hear some proposals.  And if you can't think of a viable proposal, maybe it's time to put down the haterade.

Mommy, Didn't We Do This Already?

All I wanted was a competitive match.  I didn't get one.  59 minutes, 2 and 1, 20 straight matches for Kim on the blue courts at Flushing.  Kim held up her end of the bargain.  She bounced back after playing two sub-par matches to actually bring her game in the final.  If both players brought their best, my sense was that this would be an easy win for Kim.  Kim brought hers but Vera didn't and this one went embarrassingly quick.

Vera said she couldn't physically raise her level and that the fatigue prevented her from finding her game.  Interestingly, she said that made her feel a bit better about the loss.  She tried her best but just didn't have the physical capacity to do any more.  They say that one of the reasons the USO is so hard to win is because of the back to back turnaround of the semis and finals.  While the fatigue may have been something for Vera to hang her hat on, let's not forget that she played the early semifinal, hadn't dropped a set all tournament, and didn't have any long singles matches (though she did play doubles).  Kim on the other hand had two tough, long, three setters leading into today's final.  Vera's not using fatigue as an excuse but I just find it surprising that she couldn't recover from her semi for last night's match. 

Anyway, it was a snoozer.  And Jada knew it too.  She wasn't all that impressed with her new baby food canteen.  

"Nah, it's cool.  I got one of those already."

 

So congrats to Kimmy, who survived and thrived to defend her title and capture her third straight USO crown ("that she competed at" caveat, of course).  May your untamed locks power you through to a deep run in Australia.

 

Let Me Scoot Over, Venus Fans. The Bus To Bummertown Is A Bit Full This Week.

I could write a long post about this match.  But really, it would be a clone of this one. I might as well do a find-and-replace-all for "Sam" and "Venus" and be done with it.  Because once again, it's not the fact that Venus lost.  It's how she lost it.  And once again, there are only questions, no answers.  For the second straight match the story isn't Kim.  The story is how the person standing across the net from Kim found a way, somehow, to hand the match over to her when she wasn't playing particularly well.  

I feel for you, Venus fans.  This one hurts.  I would offer you alcohol but to be frank, I've run out. 

I know everyone is basically handing the trophy to Kim but I honestly don't see why (Boyfriend Jon audibly scoffed at the notion of Vera raising the trophy on US Open Tonight).  She's now played two matches of non-trophy-hoisting tennis against opponents who collapsed in the moment.  The last quality match she played was against Ana in the Round of 16, and let's be real, she really only had to play quality tennis for a few games before Ana collapsed.  Her serve has sucked, she's prone to double faulting, and while her movement has been solid, she's prone to fits of racquet decceleration and thus, UFEs.  Sure, Vera hasn't had the toughest draw, but she did at least beat Caro playing way higher quality tennis than Kim has.  Hell, Vera hasn't dropped a set all tournament.  

Sure, there's a lot to be said about Kim's "Houdini-like" ways.  But again, it's not like she stepped up her game in the last two matches and worked her way to a win.  We're talking about pretty major choke jobs by her opponents.  Kim. Didn't. Do. Anything.

Do I think Vera's going to win tonight?  I don't know.  Do I think she can?  Fuck yeah, she can.  I honestly don't have a strong rooting interest.  I like them both, I like the stories that come out of either of them winning, and at the end of the day, I'm just rooting for women's tennis.  I want this to be a competitive final showcasing the ladies' amazing athletic ability and shotmaking.

But, you know, go Vera and whatnot.

BOOM. Did I Just Blow Your Mind?

When I was in New York I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking to someone in Bepa's camp.  I told them that she looked fantastic in that NYTM piece and that the fans really loved it.  He was surprised (a) to hear that Bepa had fans and (b) because according to him she doesn't think she's beautiful enough to do those types of shoots.

And I was sad.

Bepa's played lights out tennis throughout the fortnight and put an exclamation point on her campaign so far with a solid and fairly thorough beating of Caro today to make her second Slam final in a row.  I'm not sure anyone walked away from that match thinking the better player lost today.  Bepa showed her variety, pace, guile, and movement to outclass the kid who everyone had already written into the final.  It was fantastic to see.

Of course, the match was not without its Bepa moments.  She somehow broke the strings on five racquets and actually ran out of racquets.  Sergei had to send a racquet down to the court until the stringers could get her some fresh ones.  I was sure that the whole debacle would rattle her.  But it didn't.  She stayed calm and composed and pretty much made the Johnny Mac and Mary Carillo look like idiots for all their harping about her propensity to meltdown.  In fact, after she was finally broken in the second set, John announced "Prepare yourself for a meltdown."

If by "meltdown" you mean a win, then yes.

As for Caro, it was a good tournament and nothing to hang her head at.  I think she did a lot to get many of her detractors (including moi) off her back. But at the end of the day, she's totally beatable by the top players.  We knew that coming in and we know that going out.  But her win over Masha has to give her confidence that things are going the right way. 

One interesting comment was brought up on Twitter.  Can Caro win a major title without the benefit of on-court coaching?  Carlos Ramos admonished her today to make sure her box stopped with the chatter.  I think there's something to this theory given her listless play in that second set.  She just didn't look like she knew what to do out there.  That's an experience issue.  She's only 20.  You need some years of "tennis education" to get to the point where you can figure yourself out of matches.  She's way ahead of the curve on this (I think she's one of the smarter younger players) but she didn't have it today.

Much love, Vera.  I can't wait to see all the ink you're about to get.  It's so satisfying to see people take notice of you.  Much deserved to the forgotten Russian.

The face of crazy, ladies and gentlemen.

We should all be so lucky.

The New York Times Magazine: The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Nice behind the scenes video on the photoshoot.

Pic This: Bepa Won.

 

It's always something.  And that's why we love you.

Pic This: Around The Grounds on Day 2

It was a toasty one today in NYC.  I know this because Aunt Pimmy told me so.  Also because I finally ditched the jeans and t-shirt look and went with shorts and a tanktop.  A wise move, I think.  But between the heat, the crowds, and the size of the grounds, I've come to realize that you have to really want it to win it here at the USO, and I don't mean the players.

Typically when I go to a tournament I like to just wander the grounds and pop in to see whatever match tickles my fancy, or I'll stick around the practice courts to watch random players.  Not so here in NYC.  Nope, there better be a damn good reason for me to haul my ass out of the somewhat tolerable shade and stand/sit in the sun for the better part of an hour.  Even today, I could barely get it up to stick around to watch Sveta, MaKiri, FeVer, or Elena for anything more than five minutes.  To the extent I have pictures of any players or matches it is a reflection of my love for them.  I thought I was going to go blind when Nole, Sam, and Dani were practicing, what with the Iguacu Falls-like deluge of sweat that was running into my eyes.  At one point I looked down and realized sweat was just running down my legs.  Which could have been weird if anyone who knows me, knows FD, and knows my love of all things Corgi had seen me. 

IT WAS SWEAT!  I PROMISE!

There is no wandering here at the USO.  If you wander, you must do so with intent.  And a lot of water.  And sunscreen.  And...patience.

Mikey Llodes and son.

Stop making this awkward, Sam.  Just. Ignore. Me.

Dani and Elena.  Underachieving.  As per yoosh.

Mama Vera shagging balls.

 

Vika and Sergei Bubka Jr., who, according to Boyfriend Jon, is her man friend.  No word on how long his pole is.

Team Venus taking the far practice court.

Happy Vera.  I know.  It's weird.

Oh, hai, Eva.  You kept me thoroughly entertained all evening and for that, I thank you.

Really, Nadia?  Really?  Did someone eat a bowl full of Skittles, pound a huge Icee, and then puke on your dress?  Oh, they did?  Ok, well then I feel a little bad now.

I Love You, New York Times Magazine.

In addition to the article and the videos, NYTM also put together a slideshow of awesome pics from their WTA power shoot.  I said it before and I'll say it again.  This is how you show women athletes as physical, strong, muscular, and beautiful without simply objectifying them as sex objects.  Really great stuff.

Mia Michaels, WHAT Did You To My Sam?

I absolutely love it when tennis hits the Big Apple because you get all this crazy coverage from the U.S. media outlets, and sometimes, just sometimes, they'll surprise you.  Like in this video collection from the NYT, which features Kim, Serena, Elena, JJ, Sam, Vika, and Bepa. 

First of all, that's a great collection of players.  They didn't just go the easy route, there and get Mels, Maria, Venus, etc.  Second, everyone looks great and really, it doesn't feel like they're objectifying the players.  The movement is really beautiful.  Third, a tube top?  Really? 

Really?

The Kids Are All Right.

What's the point of getting a media pass, getting all excited about interviewing players, crafting beautifully worded questions on interesting topics, only to show up and see these two pistol whips do you your job better than you could ever dream of.

Absolutely demoralizing.

Really, Bepa? Really?

This was Bepa 30 minutes before her match against Coco Vandeweghe. 

She was losing her shit over her serve and jawing with a sweaty Sergey.  Hours later she would lose to Coco in three sets after dominating her in the first and she would shed some tears in the press conference.  We didn't stick around for any of it because, well, sometimes you have to pick your battles when you go to a tournament and shelling out $40 to see a single match didn't seem like a deal.  So sorry, Bepa.  You probably could have used our cheers, what with the partisan crowd and all.  My bad.

 

Sergey.  Because you have to.

Pic This: Walkin' The Grounds

Flavi and Sveta, yukking it up before Sveta's dubs match.

I wish Bepa would do *this* on the changeovers.

I'm thinking the security folks get really confused when they check her badge.

Dani, cruising the food court for a Nutella stand.

 

Z and Domi watching the JJ match.  I burst out laughing when I spotted him coming down in that shirt.  Because seriously, you could spot him from space.

 

Sveta, Bepa, and Sergey watching Dinara.

 

"It's not a tumor."

 

Dinara enjoying a latte while watching Dani beat Mono.

 

It was tres cute.

Sam being awesome.

 

Oh, Sam.  I'm gonna need a ring, not a ball.  But yes.  A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

 

Pic This: Sergey. That Is All.

 

 

Fresh Faces.

Sometimes I forget how long it's been since Wimbledon.  We haven't seen a lot of these players since then so it was nice to "catch up" on Tuesday.  It was like seeing a bunch of your friends and classmates after summer break.

 

Flavia was looking fit and tasty.  She bounced K-Bond in straights, 62 75 and will face MaKiri next.

 

Flavia giving us a wave.  We were kinda loud.  But how can you not be?  It's Flavia!

Do I know how Nads lost this match to Shvedova?  Nope.  But she did.  And she bitchfaced all the way through it.  Some things never change.

 

I saw Lynn last week.  But you know school's not in until you see Eva and Allison.  Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'll be reunited with Allison any time soon.

 

Aravane is in the house and the word on the street is that she's absolutely crushing the ball in practice.  We saw her wandering the grounds quite a bit.

 

As for Sveta?  Well...she's...wearing shorts.  That's a good thing.  She eeked out her match against Wicky in three sets.  Wicky went off the rails after Sveta left for a bathroom break between the second and third set.  Though seriously, she needed to.  That shirt was transparent.

 

And Bepa's back.  Bless.

No Bepa.

Via an email from the tournament, Bepa's withdrawn from Stanford with a right hammy injury.  I guess I'll put my dogeared copy of "Understandings of Russian Foreign Policy" down.  Bummer.  It was just getting good!

Pic This: Don't Worry About Bepa...

She knows the safe word.

It's "flugelhorn".

As If There Were ANY Doubt That She's The Smartest Woman On The WTA Tour...

BEEEEEEPPPPPAAAAAAA!

Nice comeback today against the still impressive Pronk to make her first Slam final!  And no, she didn't lose her shit.  Sadly.  But we have one match to go.  Losing your shit on Center Court?  Now that's some legendary shit losing.

This is just so great to see from a woman who busted her ass to get to the top 5, was a Slam semifinalist and Olympic medalist, was on the upswing, then suffering a horrific ankle injury.  She's been working her way back over the past year but I don't think anyone was prepared for her to make such a statement here at Wimbledon.  But she's been playing vintage Bepa tennis: moving well, serving solidly, hitting relentlessly, and changing the direction of the ball with ease and conviction.  When Bepa plays well I get giddy.  I love watching her game.

Another thing I love watching?  This piece of hot in her box (heh):

Um.  That's Sergey.  He's her new coach.  He used to be an Abercrombie model. 

He is slightly more attractive than Sam Sumyk. 

Slightly.

BOW. DOWN. TO BEPA.

All Hail King Pyrrhus. The Bastard.

If you know me, listen to the FD Podcast, or read between the lines, there is only one thing I wanted from this fortnight: for Justine to lose.  I was ok with Fed winning, or Serena winning, or hell, Sod winning.  But I cannot abide Justine hosting that trophy.  It's not mature, nor does it have any basis in anything.  I just REALLY don't want Justine to win Wimbledon.  I don't want to hear her philosophically beautiful waxings about how much this tournament meant to her, or how she played with the right emotions, or, well, anything.  I just don't want it to happen.  Hell, I was willing to let her win RG if that meant she couldn't win Wimbledon.  This sentiment runs really deep and I'm not proud of it.

So thanks, Kim. 

See you on the hardcourts.

And ditto to you. 

It was painful watching Halpert go down to De Bakker.  Not surprising or disappointing.  I think we all knew he'd have nothing left in the tank.  It just...hurt.

But thanks for the memories.  Enjoy your newfound fame. 

Just...you know...avoid the clap, dude.

You're Such A Miranda!

The WTA player party.  What can you say?  Normally I tune in for the fashion, hair, and makeup disasters.  But I have to say, the Ladies did ok for themselves this year.  I mean, Aga's once again dressed as a Jersey hooker, but hey, the girl's got a look that she's sticking with.  Commitment is 90% of fashion.

Masha, impeccably dressed as an homage to the trophy her boy won tonight.  I don't think the photos do that dress justice.  A stunning piece if seen in person, methinks, especially when worn by a 6'1'' Masha.

Accessory win.

movingrightalong...

Kimiko is adorable despite the fact that she's being attached by the Grimace's shredded entrails.  And can we please stop thinking that ballet flats are appropriate "event" wear?

I mean, she looks great.  But she also looks 15 years older.  PEEP TOE, DINARA!

You kids are adorbz, even if it does look like the Eastern European version of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion.

Beautiful makeup and hair, and a great dress that needed about 15 minutes with a tailor.  The hem is killing me.

...

Awesome sex hair.

I love this dress minus the frills on the shoulders. 

Bepa!

Amber Alert!

Winner.  Perfect hair, the dress fits perfectly, heels are beautiful and understated.  She looks like she rolled out of bed like this.  Bomb.

You could fit the entire continent of Serbia between Charlotte and Samantha. 

As it should be.

Riding With Russians In Cars

Do you like Russian tennis players?  Do you like riding in cars?  Well then do I have a special treat for you.

Hey Now, Hey Now, Don't Dream It's Ov-- No, Actually It Is Over.

Kimiko couldn't follow-up her first round win, falling easily to Jarmila Groth, 60 63.  But that's ok.  We'll always have Paris, Kimiko-Tan.

A-Rad continues to make us scratch our heads by losing in straights to Shvedova.  If you'll recall, Shvedova beat JJ at the USO last year.

 

And Bepa drops to Rodionova.  I think she was distracted by the tanktop.  You would be be too.

All this is to say, JJ, this is all on you.  There's cake, and then there's what your quarter is.  Get it done or forever shut your hole.

In Case You Missed It

I've been trying to find one with the ESPN commentary because Aunt Pimmy is in full effect. But I think the hilarity of this comes through in the French commie's laughter.

Clay Queen! Wait...Really?

Sammy! 

A thoroughly dominating performance by Sam, beating a hilariously frustrated as per yoosh Bepa, 60 63.  Sam was in the zone and Vera couldn't do much about it.  So Sam takes her second title of the season, her first title on clay (where she has semifinal points to defend at RG), and the biggest title of her career.

So she took some time to show the world how much wicker is a complete waste of space. 

I'm totally with you, girl.  Wicker is gross.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Caro was forced to retire from her semifinal match against Bepa after she rolled her ankle.  It was horrible and according to Bobby Chintapalli, who is reporting on-site, Caro says she heard a "pop" when she rolled it.  As one who has sprained an ankle or 2000 during her limited athletic career, I can say that a "pop" is no good.

Shit, don't take my word for it.  Bepa's been there.

Look, I don't love watching Caro play tennis.  But no one wants to see a player, let alone the #2 player in the world get injured like this.  Add to that the fact that Caro, for as much shit as I give her, has shown up and delivered week after week.  She's busted her ass for that #2 ranking and she deserves it. 

They'll do an MRI and see what's up.  Here's hoping she'll be at full strength for Roland Garros.  Get better, Boots.

Speaking of which, what ever happened to those boots?  Seems like they might have helped here....

"Your Balls Are Slightly Mishapen."

The ladies are having a good 'ol time smacking and fondling balls in Charleston.

And thankfully, after Day 1, all these women are still in the tourney.  Phew!

Be careful, ladies.  Gentle, gentle.

Oh, Sam.  You're not fooling anyone.

Ah, smiling Bepa.  A wonderful and rare sight.

Of course JJ gets her mouth as close to the ball as possible. 

Because that's how she rolls.

 

Sneks!

Relaxed Dani!

Yo, Katie.  Truce?

Defend and Conquer

Hat.  You're doing it wrong.

Congrats to Bepa for defending her Pattaya City title, beating Touchdown Tammy, 64 64.

Shocker.  You're doing it wrong.

Russian Headliners.

Ah, Paris.  It's just not the same without Momo, to be honest.  But life must go on.

After Serena's shocking withdrawal, Lena leads the field, with Flavia, Yanina, and Fran in tow.  After getting bounced in the second round of AO by Justine, I'm actually really rooting for Lena to take the tournament.  The tennis world needs to be reminded that she's still part of the conversation.

Paris Main Draw.

Whoa, Bepa.  That hair is...whoa.

Bepa will try and defend her title in Pattaya City.  Boom Boom is also there, so I'll be looking to see if she's finally recovered from injury and able to make a deep run.

Pattaya City Main Draw.

Pic This: Day 8

Arm wrestle you for it?

I wish I could caption this as "So close!"  But...I can't.

Stay away from him, you skanky hos!  The last thing he needs is the Clap.

Never look back.

Yurp.
 

Two of us!

Continuing the theme: Nico touches his junk.  It's a thing.  I guess.

Aw, shit.  Wait until @carowozniacki hears about this. 

Shit's about to get real on Twitter.

Even Lleyton was bored.  And he was playing.

I'm making velociraptor noises on my couch.

Like a moth to a flame...

ZOMG SHE'S NAKED UNDER THERE!!!!11

I seriously don't understand the uproar.

Hotness.

Who the hell dresses up as the villain to one of the best Pixar movies of all time?

And a weak ass villain at that.  Dude was a schmuck.

Butt Visors, By Stella McCartney.

Saints win!

Vika Cares Not For This Whole "Haiti" Business

Down goes Bepa and her Haiti ribbon of hope and awareness. 

I didn't see the match so all I can adduce from the 46 64 60  scoreline is that Bepa's ankle hurted.  Or her brain.  Same diff, really.

So the people who couldn't sleep because of the anticipation for a Serena/Vika "I'm Not That Woozy This Time" rematch get what they want.  Have fun, Vika.  Something tells me it's going to look a lot like this:

Which obviously means I'll be in the front row with popcorn.

Pic This: Day 6 and 7

The Australian Open Diving Championships, which are taking place this weekend, are really fucking up my photo searches.

Looks like Aunty Pam hired herself a local beer boy.  Wise, that one.

Anyone know what the ribbon's about?  I'm guessing her ankle ligamenture.

"Manny Delgado is a man of action."

Wonder who she's looking at...

Damn.  Tax got hops.

Whoa, honey.

Looks like Tax was doing everything except trying to avoid the bagel in her match.

Impressive work, Halpert.

Lleyton would make an amazingly angry Goth Kid.  Some eyeliner, a lip wring, one of those big holey piercey things?  A dog collar?  Which is ironic seeing as how he's the most douchey jock on the scene.

Hell of a week for China.  Pick up some racquets, Beijing!

Nole is like, crazy obsessed with his guns.

Yes, Pico, everyone's been doing that for Kolya.  If you relax it'll hurt less.  So I hear.

Bad racquet.

Because I haven't posted a picture of Vika yet.  And if I'm going to be accused of jinxing people, well, here's my chance to use my powers for good and not evil.

P-Raft is hot.  You can't blame Henri.

Good tourney for you.  Proved the USO run wasn't a fluke.

Still useless to me when it counted.

"Where's Your Head At at at at at at..."

She's just not that into you, Dani. 

Hmmm...you look familiar.

Jo.

Not Jo.


Ah, the classic "head stuck up your ass" MTO.  Didn't help, Tommy.

MaKiri with sympathy pains.

They. Were. Adorable.

Pic This: Bepa and Penguins. Yeah, You Heard Me.

I have no doubt that this was some sort of cross-training excercise that would allow her to do some PR and ice her ankle simultaneously.  She's a multi-tasker, that one.  It wouldn't shock me if she also brokered peace between the penguins and the neighboring seal population.

Someone got a camera for Christmas.

Look at that.  She even offered some humanitarian aid.  She's a peach.

Vera Zvonareva: Bringing the world closer one penguin at a time.  While icing her ankle.

Pic This: AO Day 3

Sigh.

Maybe if she was doing an awesome 80's dance I could get on board with her.  Alas.

Chakky???

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

This is Croatia's Antonio Veic.  He was adorable in his loss to Gael.

Oh, Bepa.  You are such a classy bada...

...AHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK????

Igor.  Lucky dude.


TALL.

Right back at ya.

Please tell me he came up with a hot dog.

He's married.  No. 

I thought you were putting "The Bachelorette" on hold for now.

Hey, one-armed Feli is back!

This was on a changeover.  No one stops Aunt Pimmy.

Except Uncle Jack.

Dominos

It's old news by now that Gael Monfils withdrew from Sydney, citing a bad shoulder.  There's some word that he's doubtful for AO, but that kind of speculation this close to an event is hard to take measure of-- it's almost impossible to know whether that's real or whether it's just things people are saying to drum up interest.

Bepa, of course, retired in her match against Elena Vesnina yesterday in Sydney; the ankle she injured last year in Charleston and had surgery on over the off-season swelled up again in Hong Kong and apparently was not fit to be played on yesterday.  Again, hard to know-- was the retirement precautionary, or is she also doubtful for AO?  Time will tell.

However, the week started with David Nalbandian withdrawing from Auckland due to an abdominal injury, and now he's officially withdrawn from AO.  It seems like forever since he's been able to play consistently, and he's not 19-- how much longer can he keep this up?

Congratulations, Serbia!

Dinara, Sveta, Lena D, Bepa, Maria and Nadia have all declared themselves "unavailable" for the first round Fed Cup tie in Belgrade in February.  This is Sveta's off-year, Dinara and Bepa both have notes from their doctors, and Lena D generally shows up at a moment's notice,so if she wants one off, okay.

Maria, Nads... tsk.

Hope Pavs has a good time.

Crash & Burn

Things looked rough in Sydney today, with top seeds and high-ranked players crashing out, retiring, and having uncomfortably close calls. Caro, JJ, Bepa (still having problems with that ankle) and Nads all lost, while Vika got played a little too close for comfort by Sabine. And while Sam losing to Flavs is not, on its face, a terrible result, the quality of play she showed was... uh, not good. What up, Sammy?

The only seed that lost on the guy's side was Igor Andreev. I think his hair is getting him down.

And then there was this...

Yeah, they got their asses kicked, but hee, they match. Hee hee.

Auckland

Singles - First Round
[6] J Melzer (AUT) d F Fognini (ITA) 57 63 62
[WC] J Statham (NZL) d [WC] D King-Turner (NZL) 62 75
T Bellucci (BRA) d M Chiudinelli (SUI) 63 63

Hobart
Singles - First Round
(2) Shahar Peer (ISR) d. (WC) Olivia Rogowska (AUS) 63 62
(5) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) d. Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) 61 62
(7) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. Kaia Kanepi (EST) 46 63 76(4)
(8) Gisela Dulko (ARG) d. Melinda Czink (HUN) 64 62
Sara Errani (ITA) d. Melanie Oudin (USA) 36 63 75
Jelena Dokic (AUS) d. (Q) Elena Baltacha (GBR) 64 62
Tamira Paszek (AUT) d. Roberta Vinci (ITA) 64 63
(Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) d. Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 60 60
(Q) Kirsten Flipkens (BEL) d. (WC) Sophie Ferguson (AUS) 62 62

Sydney
Women's Singles - First Round
Li Na (CHN) d. (4) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) 26 63 62
(6) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Sabine Lisicki (GER) 36 62 75
(Q) Agnes Szavay (HUN) d. (7) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) 57 61 75
Elena Vesnina (RUS) d. (8) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 33 ret. (right ankle injury)
Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Jill Craybas (USA) 60 64
Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Samantha Stosur (AUS) 63 61
(Q) Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN) d. Nadia Petrova (RUS) 63 57 64
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. (Q) Varvara Lepchenko (USA) 63 63 
Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) d. (LL) Timea Bacsinszky (SUI) 76(2) 61
Aravane Rezai (FRA) d. (Q) Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) 67(3) 62 62
(Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. (WC) Casey Dellacqua (AUS) 62 62

Men's Singles - First Round
[Q] L Mayer (ARG) d [7] I Andreev (RUS) 67(7) 63 76(4)
R Gasquet (FRA) d F Lopez (ESP) 61 64
M Baghdatis (CYP) d [WC] N Lindahl (AUS) 62 75
A Seppi (ITA) d [Q] M Matosevic (AUS) 64 64
P Cuevas (URU) d M Llodra (FRA) 62 76(1)
P Starace (ITA) d [Q] F Gil (POR) 61 64

But What Does It Meeeeeeaaaaannnnn????

   "The Economist, once a year, heads out on this mission to see the 
   future.  They try to predict the coming year... I am a fan of The 
   Economist-- that said, I think this project where they try to predict 
   the coming year is totally ridiculous.  You have these great reporters 
   who have to write about, for instance, what's going to happen in 
   China in the year 2010 and they bring so much knowledge to this 
   question, but in the end, because no one can know the future, they 
   end up making these kind of equivocal 'on the one hand, on the other 
   hand' kinds of predictions... who cares??  ... 'Here's a bunch of random 
   things that may or may not happen, believe whatever you want.'"
   -- Ira Glass, This American Life ("2010")

That right there is pretty much my personal opinion of predictions in sports like tennis.  Who cares?  Mostly, nothing means anything.  The business of predictions, proclamations, assertions made on the basis of a single match (or one good week) is misleading and serves no purpose in an objective sport like tennis.  This year especially, when there are so many comebacks (from both retirement and injury) and a string of Very Good Players who had Very Bad Years last year, proclaiming the future seems particularly futile.  Trust me, I've been in sports where predictions and what certain people say and who won which events actually matters.  You don't want any part of it.

I don't even get why people like to do it (is it so you can say later that you were right? Usually I could get into that).  All you can do in tennis is watch and see what happens.  To me, that's part of the beauty of it.  I hate trying to guess what's going to happen.  I'd much rather take stock as I go along.

So.

Things That--Really Guys-- Seem Completely Meaningless Right Now

  

Sorana Cirstea d Sam Stosur (Hopman Cup)

I can't even count how many times I read after this match that Sorana had served notice or some such.  Yes, Sorana played that match-- at least the last set and a half-- very well.  But what's earthshattering about that?  We all know Sorana Cirstea can play good tennis.  What we don't know is whether she can play good tennis consistently enough to make a significant impact on the tour.  Considering that she followed up her (impressive) defeat of Stosur with losses to Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez and Melanie Oudin, the win (and the declarations that followed) seems particularly meaningless.

Sabine Lisicki d Elena Dementieva (Hopman Cup)

See above.  We all know that Sabine can have big wins.  We also all know that Elena can have very bad losses.  How did Sabine follow up her (spectacular) defeat of Dementieva?  By getting played way too close for comfort by a 15-year-old who's not even full time on tour yet.

Melanie Oudin's "Sub-Par" Performance at Hopman Cup
Melanie's always down in small events and then up in Slams and Fed Cup (or, at least, that's the pattern she established last year).  Her performances at Hopman Cup indicate nothing other than that-- so far-- that trend looks to continue.

"Comeback" Wins By Daniela Hantuchova, Alize Cornet, and Dominika Cibulkova
All of these women are former top-20 (or even top-5) players with immense amounts of talent, loads of past results, and a not-so-hot 2009.  All of them had pretty stellar early matches this week that looked like their peak selves, prompting some to call them contenders for the second week of the Australian Open.  All of them immediately had their asses handed to them by higher-ranked, more consistent players.  Ahem.  (Not that they couldn't be, mind you, it's just silly to declare that based on two good matches that follow 6 months--or more-- of nothing.)

Things That Hold My Interest

 

Laura Robson (Hopman Cup)
Laura's new on the pro scene and has her youth and lack of record working against her in the "where might this be going" game.  She also, should her mind turn out to tend towards these kinds of things, has a huge disadvantage in all the pressure that is being, and will continue to be piled on her by the British media.  But it's been a lot of fun to watch her grow in confidence at Hopman Cup this week.  In her first match, she looked terrified, but through playing mixed doubles with Andy Murray, she seems to be growing in her belief that she can keep up with the big kids.  She played Sabine Lisicki very well, looking at all times like she belonged on the same court.  It'll be interesting to see if that continues to develop for her.

Sam Stosur (Hopman Cup)
On paper, Sam should have won all her matches at Hopman Cup.  In the real world, she lost two out of three.  Her ability is undeniable, but she isn't exactly projecting the kind of mental strength that's going to sustain her at the top of the game.  Is this particularly dismal performance just a sign that, like Amelie Mauresmo in France, she doesn't cope well with the hometown pressure?  Is it something bigger than that?  Or did she just have a really bad week?

Ana Ivanovic (Brisbane)

Ana's having a winning week, which is obviously much better than what's been happening for her since Roland Garros.  But is it really a sign of recovery?  There's a tendency to (rather dramatically) pretend like since she won RG in 2008, Ana's been losing in the first round every week.  But of course that's not true.  She won Linz that fall, made the quarters of Brisbane and Dubai and the final of IW last year, and made the third or fourth round at three out of four Slams last year.  Of course, those aren't the results that anyone expects from her, but they're not exactly Nicole Vaidisova, either.  So far this week she's beaten-- in tough matches-- people who are ranked significantly below her.  Since there's not anyone at Brisbane ranked significantly above her, even a win at the event might not be a very good indicator of where, precisely, she is at this point.

Justine Henin (Brisbane)
She's back, and she's winning, but winning how?  Her matches have all been close, and with the exception of Nadia Petrova, they've not been against people ranked anywhere near what is popularly thought of as Justine's caliber.  We all know what Justine's capable of, her record is clear evidence of that.  But it shouldn't be forgotten, either, how dismal the last few months of her "first" career were, or that she has yet to play-- let alone beat-- a top 10 player on her comeback.  

Flavia Pennetta (Auckland)
Flavia's usual modus operandi is to have a pretty dismal winter, pick up at Acapulco, have a couple of good clay events, and then really come alive on the US Open Series in the summer.  But this year in Auckland she's come roaring out of the gates, kicking ass and taking names.  Hmmm.

Things That Absolutely, Positively, Indicate Amazing Future Performances

Caroline Wozniacki, Victoria Azarenka (Twitter)

 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Vera Zvonareva (Hong Kong)

 
Whaddya know.  Some shit is completely predictable after all.

Pic This: We're Beautiful...

... and dirty rich.


Still can't believe he married Miss World Universe.


Love how apathetic the ballkid looks.


Something about this brought the lulz.


This too.


And this.  Whatta dork.

 

Uh... yikes.


Cas-per, the friend-ly ghost, the friend-li-est ghost you know... or something.


Tasty.

And now, for your daily dose of crazy adorableness.

 





I can't deal.

Pic This: Hong Kong Phooey

Players lined up for press at the Hong Kong Tennis Classic which will pit players against each other from The Americas, Europe, Asia, and Russia.  Literally.  By height.  It's like 3rd grade class pictures.

 

Caro, Vika, counting on one or both of you to hit on him.  

 

Aw, sweet. Bepa brought her dad!  Oh wait, that’s actually Yevgeny Kafelnikov.  Yevgeny is replacing Marat who withdrew with a wrist injury.  I’m pretty sure “wrist injury” translates to his dick being on an extended vacation in Miami. 

Gisela and Vika appear to be the most ready-for-close-ups players since I can't find pics of them with any of the other players.  


 
Is there a photo op she won't do?



Apparently not.  

 

Maria’s facial expression pretty much matches the reaction I had when I saw Vee’s new hair.
(via sodapop)

January 6. How Many Times Do They Have To Tell You?

I mean, really. How many of these "What will you do for Christmas" pieces have we seen? And anytime they ask a Russian player they get the same answer. "We'll be playing tennis, asshole."

"Pack A Day" JJ Is Her Name

Gotta love JJ's answer.

Bepa in Cuba? Does She Need A Personal Attache?

Bepa, with the assistance of the WTA, has launched an official site.  Yay!

In her first diary she talks about her ankle surgery, desire to visit Cuba, and yes, she's still with Sam!  Yay!

Man, that's two "yays" in one Bepa post. Something ain't right.

Be sure to doink around her site.  There are some gems.  Like these:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awesome.

Study Break!

Bepa will have surgery on her incredibly eff'd up ankle tomorrow.  You know she rolled up to the hospital with two suitcases: one with clothes, and the other full of historical reading.  

Get well, Crazy!

Pic This: One More for the Road...

It wouldn't be the end of the WTA season without one more chance to laugh at people for being completely incapable of dressing themselves.  Some of them are getting distressingly (read: boringly) good at it, but you know there'll always be one WTFer in the group.  Or two, or three.

A lot of things about this frighten me.  Mainly that, with the faces upside down, it looks like she's wearing a minidress with a Marilyn Manson print.  Also, the eyes.  Freaky.

 

This looks kind of like a bridesmaid's dress I had to wear once, if you cut the skirt off about three and a half feet from the bottom.

[snicker]

Oh dear.  Someone needs to introduce Bepa to these.

I'm not gonna lie: something about the geranium over her ladybits weirds me out.

I need to know what Lena did that they decided she needed a mug shot.

I totally picture Dinara's closet having a "little black dress" section and a "big pink t-shirt" section and... that's it.

LOLZ.

Dig in, Caro.

But really, learn to cross your legs when you're sitting in a dress, honey.  Your wantonness is making Dina sad.  (Then again, what doesn't?)

Stubbsy!  Oy, Ula, we'll talk later.

And, for the creme de la creme, cherry on the sundae, there is the video.  I watched it like 18 times.  Don't make me start liking you, girls.  You know who you are.

Vania King Is Awesome.

Dinara!  Put.  The Gun.  Down.

WTAers tell you about their love (in Vania's case) or not (Jesus, calm the fuck down, Liezel) of video games:

Ana Ivanovic: "I never did until I was introduced to Guitar Hero, and I love it."

Vania King: "YES. I love video games. I play mostly RPGs, MMORPGs and action/adventure games."

Aleksandra Wozniak: "When I was little, my sister Dorota and I would play Nintendo for hours. Now I just travel around the world with a PSP!"

Katarina Srebotnik: "No, not at all. When I was younger I used to love them and I have to say I was pretty good because I couldn't stand the words GAME OVER on the screen! I played the games over and over again until I would go all the way or at least reach a very high score."

Dominika Cibulkova: "I do - I play tennis video games! I'm not very good at them though, everyone is always beating me..."

Caroline Wozniacki: "I do, with my brother. Race car games, singing star... it's a lot of fun!"

Cara Black: "I don't play video games."

Liezel Huber: "NO!"

Vera Zvonareva: "Not really. I used to play Super Mario and Tetris on Gameboy. I would play Tetris for such a long time..."

Elena Dementieva: "I don't play video games. My brother is a big fan of them though. I could never understand his passion for them!"

Thoughts:

• We get it, Ana.  You LOVE Guitar Hero.  That answer is getting as canned as her pool story, through no fault of her own, really.

• I can totally see Bepa dominating on Tetris.  I can also see her banging her head into the controller when she realized she flipped the "S" piece one too many times.

• I love that A-Woz's sister shares the same name as this piece of awesome.

• Domi was so that girl who pretended to suck at video games so guys would think she was cute.  Or, you know.  She would just suck.  Dick.

• I would totally pull a Domi if I ever played video games with Caro's brother.

• Vania King rules.  Even I had to look up MMORPGs.

Play On, Playa

After having to run herself ragged on a bum leg to secure a win over Vika yesterday, there were a lot of questions about whether Boots had enough left in the tank 24 hours later to beat Bepa.  The answer was made abundantly clear today: Physically, no. 

Unless you count that heart muscle.

I haven't watched the match yet, but from what I can gather, more than any other match she's played, this was a statement match for Boots.  Everyone can say they're a fighter, but only a few players have a fighter's resume, i.e., singular matches that fans can point to as pure gut out matches.  And I'm not even talking about come from behind victories.  That's different.  I'm talking about matches won on pure guts. 

Welcome to Caroline Wozniacki's coming out party.

After bageling Bepa in the first and then blowing a 5-2 lead and two match points in the second to lose it, Boots was up 3-1 in the third when her leg began to cramp on her.  She would get treatment and then the drama would begin. 

Serving for the match at 5-4, Boots' leg seized violently (think Serena, Wimby, Dani) and she fell to the court writing in pain.  But since she already used up her MTOs she couldn't be treated.  As a distantly empathetic Lynn Welch looked on, Boots screamed and cried, trying to deal with the pain.  And yes, her parents were freaking their shit.

She would eventually get up (after receiving a time violation, I believe) and drop the next point.  It looked like she would retire then and there.  But she somehow gathered herself and reeled off the next three points to seal the match.  She was bawling and could barely limp to the net.

No idea if she'll be ready for her match against JJ tomorrow but she hasn't clinched a semifinal spot yet so it's an important match for her.  Regardless, her performance this week is going to win her a lot of matches in the future.  Two gutsy performances that showed the world that she doesn't give up and she can play through pain.  Good for the kid.

Really amazing stuff.  I can't wait to watch it.

Oh, yeah, and there was blood.

 

Marat Is About As Good At Retiring As I Am At Quitting My Job.

Team Russia is looking mighty awesome right about now.

Team Russia: Marat Safin, Maria Sharapova, Vera Zvonareva
Team Asia: Paradorn Srichaphan, Zheng Jie, Ayumi Morita
Team America: Michael Chang, Venus Williams, Gisela Dulko
Team Europe: Stefan Edberg, Caroline Wozniacki, Victoria Azarenka

Please let there be Marat/Masha and Stefan/Vika mixed dubs.  The former for the awesomeness, the latter for the complete and utter mindfuck.

So do you think the HK organizers changed the format to include the old fogies so that they could convince Marat to play?  For a guy who keeps complaining about how much tennis sucks he sure does keep playing.  I'm guessing it's because the weather in HK in January is 92% better than the weather in Mother Russia.  Either that or the touching/cheezy Asian tributes really touched a nerve.

In other news... STEFAN!!!

Pic This: Babysitters Club

While the big girls hit the court to get their YEC on, Agi and Bepa babysat.

With all due respect to Agi and Bepa's tennis skillz, why they aren't holding arts and crafts and diplomacy clinics is a mystery.  Talk about a lost opportunity.

Moskau, Moskau!

The biggie for this week is Kremlin Cup; an ATP 250 for the men and a Premier for the women.  Since it's the week before Doha, most of the top women are giving Moscow a miss.  Never mind that, though, because the four women still in contention for the last spot/alternate status at YEC are all playing.  Davai!

ATP

Nads did the draw.  This is a picture of her immediately after she drew Safin/Davydenko for the first round.  Heh.

 

Yeah, well done, Nads.  So, I suppose we can expect Marat to exit stage right from his last Kremlin Cup relatively early.  Although he did beat Kolya there last year.  Anyway...

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Kolya, Victor Hanescu, Misha, Igor Andreev

Potential Quarterfinals: Kolya/Martin Vassallo Arguello, Igor/Janko, Misha/Fabrice, Hanescu/Pablo Cuevas

Potential Interesting Early Matches: Kolya/Marat (1R)

Interesting Story Lines: Will Igor Andreev repeat as "Mr. Fair Play"?  Will Marat actually give a shit? 

WTA

 

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Vera, JJ, Aga, Flavs

Potential Quarterfinals: Vera/Nads, JJ/Lena V, Aga/Franny, Flavs/Dominika

Potential Interesting Early Matches: CanWoz/Errani (1R), Flavs/Agnes (1R), JJ/Shvedova (1R), Vera/Pavs (2R), Aga/Winner of CanWoz v. Errani (2R), Franny/Sorana (2R), Flavs/Dushevina (2R), JJ/Lucie (2R)

Interesting Story Line: 4 players. 3 YEC spots.  Bring.  It.  On.