Forty Deuce

One Match Away...

Fed dropped a set before avenging his loss to Ernie, and Rafa had no problem against Gael.  Rafa is definitely the more in form player right now, but Fed seems to be gaining in confidence (though the first set saw completely shambolic Fed).

Fed will have to get through Daveed first.  And Rafa will have to contend with Nico.  Don't be retarded, Nico.  Go away.

Air Quotes: Oh, Fed. You Complete Me.

"Why hasn’t clay been as easy for me as the other surfaces? Why haven’t I been as dominant? It’s because on the other surfaces I can play my game without thinking. Everything happens naturally: I can go from defense to attack when and how I want. On clay you don’t need a volley or a serve. You just need legs, an incredible forehand and backhand, and to run after every ball. I’m not trying to take anything from Rafa: he has been successful in other surfaces as well. But on clay you can get away, you can be competitive even with a very incomplete game. I’m not saying it’s so simple, but it’s too easy. I’ve had to learn to control my aggression. I love to end points quickly, with a couple of shots. On clay, you can do it 50% of the time, but if you take too many risks you’re gifting the other 50%. I learned to play from way behind the baseline and to use angles. It was a lesson in geometry. On clay you can play well and lose. What you have to do is to play smart."

-- Fed, on why his super amazingly complete and beautiful game isn't suited for the crude dirt of clay, where incomplete athletes are consistently rewarded.  Or something.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

Fed's out of Estoril in straight sets to Montanes.  Fed says he's not worried about RG because "it's so far away."  Uh, ok.  I mean, 14 days, but I guess time moves slower for rich people.

In the last FD Podcast, Brodie went out on a limb and said he thought this was the year Fed's semifinal streak ends.  We all laughed.  Brodie's looking smarter and smarter as the weeks wear on.

All that said, Fed could completely change the narrative in Madrid.  That's the annoying (and awesome) thing about tennis.

Pic This: Worst. Prom. Ever.

You'd Think These Were Taken After His Loss. They Weren't.

The Family Federer wandering the streets of Rome. 

I have no doubt that Mirka's jeans are not from the Gap.  But I swear we have the same jeans.

Aw.  Proud Gammy.

It's Ok. You Can Breathe Now.

I love how Ernie isn't even trying anymore.  Could the guy look like any more of a scrub these days?

Well the scrubby one took out Fed in the first round of Rome, 26 61 75.  That's like, 500 tournaments straight now that Fed hasn't made it past the quarterfinals.  Or is it three?  I don't know, I'm not good with numbers.  

Speaking of numbers, you know what as on Ernie's mind during his SEVEN match points?  Number 2.

I have been told that there is a certain subset of the human population that finds pictures like this to be sexy.  I have also been told that there is a certain subset of the human population that likes kiddie porn. All I'm saying is just because you like it, doesn't mean it's ok.  But I'm an enabler, so there you go.

Yikes.  I guess Ernie saw the shirt change.

Orange You Glad You're Wearing Orange?*

64 67 76

It's an odd thing being a Tomas Berdych fan.  And by "odd" I mean "tortuous".  The kid has all the talent in the world to knock off the Top 10, but he's got the brain of a 3 year old.  When you look up the word "headcase" in the tennis dictionary, the Green Goblin's googly eyes will stare back into your soul.  They fill you with a false sense of hope.  But it is that hope that plants your ass on the couch to watch him whenever he plays at top player.  And it is that hope that breaks your heart every fucking time.

Except this time.

 

Let's be clear: Fed played like ass.  Like, sweaty, stinky, 80 year old ass.  He couldn't hit his forehand to save his life for 80% of the match.  But he hung in there, like he is prone to do, and gutted out a second set win to force a third.  Now, obviously those of us who have had our hearts shattered by Tomas before figured the third set would be a 6-0 or 6-1 affair.  Hell, I tuned out and went back to trying to figure out some songs on guitar.  

But then, inexplicably, Tomas broke Fed.  Early.  And it was game on.  I poured myself a steep glass of vodka and settled into an evening that saw me cursing the world, Roger Federer, and Tomas Berdych.  It was fun.

Fed would have match points in the third set tiebreak.  And somehow he would fail to convert them.  Tomas had the match on his racquet but a forehand that missed by millimeters pretty much seemed to seal his fate as the not-so-lovable-unless-you're-an-idiot loser.  But that call seemed to relax Tomas.  He smiled a broad smile that seemed to say "well, today's not my day" and decided to bomb away.  And the bombs went in.  And he won.  Oddly.

I still can't believe it, honestly.  After the match, Fed would admit that he hasn't been feeling the ball well and he needs to figure out what's up with his game.  It has been a US tour to forget for the Orange One.

*This write-up has been brought to you by Ketel One, Anchor Steam, and about 5 minutes of my not-so-valuable time.

Pic This: Ew. No.

Nike Fail.  Like, in a major way.  The dude likes blue.  Just let him wear fucking blue.  Everything about this is horrible.  The color, the collar, the placket, the matchy-matchy wristband.  Yuck.

That's her disapproval face.

Dudes In Hats

I gotta break up all the vag-related posts somehow, but for whatever reason Getty didn't deem any matches involving cute tennis players photo-worthy.  So unless you want a bunch of pictures of Nicolas Massu and his disgusto hair, this will have to do.

So here's a picture of Fed that doesn't make me want to hurl.  He actually looks cute in it.  Probably because he has his mouth shut.

Aw shit.  Who mentioned Wimbledon?

Quiet Moments

One of the beauties of Indian Wells, and I would presume any Masters or Premier tournament that gives you access to the players, is the joy of just watching these elite athletes mosey about their every day lives.  Because really, awesome facilities and weather aside, this *is* their life.  Waking, stretching, practicing, eating, and sleeping. 

Sure, I could keep posting the awesome practice pictures that Steph was able to capture.  But come on.  That stuff you can, for the most part, get from anyone and anywhere.  And really, how many times do I really need to see Andy Murray striking a tennis ball?  Spoiler Alert: He's a professional tennis player.  Each stroke looks the same.  It's not gonna change from pic to pic. 

But where I really have to give Steph credit is her ability to quietly (and someone creepily) wander the grounds and be at all the right places at all the right times.  I just love all the candids she was able to catch that really capture the players' personalities.

The Family Pavs.  That's her brother wearing a spectacularly sequined Ed Hardy hat. 

Ah, eating the soul of a young child, I see.

Betcha didn't know he had that goin' on under his Lacoste.

Mama Vera snapping pics of Lena.

Sam and Nads share a laugh.

AKO rocking some Top 10 quality stinkeye.

Verbatim transcription of a real conversation:

Steph: Hey.  I saw Cornet practicing.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Five hours later, he would break Gavin's heart.

Greasy!

Gypsy walking around with her man.  Seriously, she will cut you.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

Phew. Kinda.

Fed's in Indian Wells.  Everyone go watch him practice and stuff.  That'd be great.

Lock Up Charlene and Myla...

I understand that Switzerland wants to remain neutral in everything but I don't think it's a controversial stance to say 12 year old boys shouldn't be having sex. 

BREAKINGish NEWSish: What, Dry Desert Air Isn't Good For the Lungs?

Fed might be withdrawing from Indian Wells due to his lung infection.  Still waiting official confirmation.

This will be infuriating if it happens.  I need Fed there to attract all the attention so that the side courts are less crowded.  Blurgh.

Air Quotes: Riiiiiight.

"The first moment when I became number one in the world was six years ago now and it was a magical moment in my career.  It was pretty special and I always wanted to get back there.  Some people have that drive more than others who've been No. 1. Rafa doesn't seem like he cares as much for No. 1, or he doesn't show it."

-- The Might Fed.  Um...you can question a lot of things with Rafa, but drive ain't one of them, homie.

You've Won This Round, Roger. Touche.

Roger visited Ethiopia and dropped by one of the schools in his foundation. You know, if you have a trouble with school bullying, Roger, you know who to call.

Douche Stamp

Did you *really* think I wasn't going to?

Hey look!  Fed has a stamp. I'm just disappointed it's not the "RF" logo.  

Anyway, have fun [gag]...licking him.

Pic This: Has He Been Hanging Out With Ivo?

Pic This: Championship Weekend

You don't know where that koala's been.

 You did that for two and a half hours, Andy.  You can stop now.  Match is over.

Sweet.


The dominatrix look is actually apropos.

Seriously, these guys come up with moves that make Bel Ami blush. 

Sadness, Part I.

 

Sadness, Part II.

 

Heh.

Sweet.  Where's Mama?

 

I think it's adorable that Muzz gave Fed's a head's up that he was going to cry.

"Is she gay?  Please God I hope she's not gay."

That flag is a lot heavier than you think.

Aw.  Na Li is a Muzz fan!

"ZOMG, I WON!!!  ZOMG, I GOTTA PEE!!!"

Scratching it will totally help, Justine.  Just keep doing that.  

Serena's ode to Rafa.

It's not a Heisman, Fed.  Though, you'd probably win that too. 

Asshole.

Air Quotes: Alrighty Then.

Q. How do you keep doing it year after year, Grand Slam after Grand Slam? You make it look so easy, and obviously it isn't.

ROGER FEDERER: Yeah, look, there's no secret behind it. You know, I mean, definitely a very talented player (laughter). I always knew I had something special, but I didn't know it was like, you know, that crazy.

The Architect of My Discontent

63 64 76(11)

 What to say, really, other than the fact that Roger was simply better in all aspects today.  I prayed and hoped that Andy would come out with the aggressive, attacking game that he showed Rafa.  Alas, we saw counterpunching Muzz.  I guess he didn't learn the first time that you can't counterpunch Roger in a Slam.  Hopefully he learns his lesson for the next time.  Because, oh yes, there will be many many "next times".

This is not to say that Andy didn't haven't his chances.  He had some chances to break in the first but Fed's serve was clutch today, getting him out of a lot of jams.  Andy disappeared a bit in the second set but the third set was drama-filled.  Andy actually served for it at 5-3 but he couldn't do it.  He held on to force an awesomely tense tie-break that Fed won 13-11.  Andy had 5 set points that he just couldn't convert.  Bottom line, he just couldn't step up and take it when he needed to.  I hate to say it, but he choked on a small handful of points that could have secured him the set.  And I don't mean that as a slight to Fed.  It's not like Fed won those points because Andy choked.  He won them because he *didn't* choke.  So, you know, congratulations and fuck you for that.

But what I will take away from this match is the hope that the Muzzard gained a few fans during this fortnight.  If he didn't do it through his pretty spectacular play throughout these two weeks, he surely gained a few in his surprisngly heartfelt and emotional "loser" speech.  The dude cried.  Not blubbered.  Just shed a few tears when he talked about being thankful for the support he's received.  More importantly to me, he seemed to get really choked up when he started apologizing to the "people back home" for not being able to secure the title. 

Then he threw down this gem:

"I can cry like Roger - it's just a shame I can't play like him." 

It was a tremendously humanizing moment for Andy.  A reluctant and very public acknowledgment that he *does* want to do this for Britain.  That he feels the pressure to do this for the country.  I always got the sense that Andy walled that off, that he didn't care really whether Britain had a drought or not.  He was just doing this for him and his team.  Clearly that's not the case and it makes his story a bit more tragic. 

So congrats to both gents for a job well-done.  A shame Muzz couldn't take it to a fourth.

10 Reasons Why You Should Root For Roger Federer

In the interest of being fair and balanced, here we go:

1.  Because he wears shoes.

2.  Because his fans are awesome.

3.  Because he destroyed the spirits of Igor Andreev, Nikolai Davydenko, and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.  And as we all know, those guys totally deserved it.  What assholes.

4.  Because he's such a nice guy that he doesn't even bother asking the ball kids to throw things away for him.  He just throws them on the ground.

5.  Because you don't mess with The Roger.

6.  Because he always wears interesting clothes.

7.  Because he's Swiss.  And we know how much the Swiss need this to erase their really difficult past.

8.  Because last time he lost he managed to make the entire ceremony about him.  So maybe if he wins he'll let the other person have the spotlight.

9.  Because whenever he wins he looks like he's been shot.  I mean, that's pretty amusing for that split second before you actually realize what's happened.

10.  Because if he wins there will be even more articles written about his greatness, and those are always really fun to read.

Pfft. Whatever.

  62 63 62 in 1 hour 28 minutes.  But don't let the scoreline fool you.  It wasn't even that close.

Honestly, I'm not gonna spend more time or energy in crafting this post than Jo did in that match.  Fed was en fuego, Jo was dumb (drop shots, dude?), couldn't find the court, and possibly a bit injured.  It was a sad semifinal performance.  The kid just couldn't even muster up the energy to care.

I'm over it.  On to the final that I've been waiting two weeks for:  Muzz vs. Fed.  Based on form and experience, I definitely give Fed the edge.  He's looking awfully comfortable out there and I still think his offense is better than Muzz's defense.  That said, I won't be shocked if Andy wins.  But I'll be surprised.  And ELATED.

Red Ring of Death.

Anyone who owns an XBOX 360 knows what I'm talking about.  In fact, I'm sitting here in my living room staring at a 360 console the RRoD'd me a few months ago, forcing me to go buy a new one.  It can happen at any time, sometimes when you power up, other times in the middle of a game.  But if you see it, you're toast.  Your XBOX is broken and there's nothing you can do.

I don't know what the PS3 equivalent is, but Kolya *totally* RROD'd.

The Playstation was cruising through a set and half, putting on a hitting and movement clinic.  He took the first set 63 and was up a break at 3-1.  With a chance to go up two breaks, Kolya had an easy backhand put away at the net and he muffed it to go to deuce.  No big deal, right?

Fed would go on to win 13 straight games.  Kolya didn't win a game for about an hour.  He would put up a big of a fight at the end of the fourth, but it was over.  Fed was grooving and Kolya looked like he didn't believe.

Q. What was going through your mind as you were losing all those games?

NIKOLAY DAVYDENKO: Pissed off. (Laughter.) What else? Yeah. Like say I'm pissed off of my serve. Pissed off. I didn't realize this point, I didn't realize this point. It's like everything was shit (laughter.)

But what else? Bad luck. Go home tomorrow, relax.

Tough way to lose but is there any doubt that Kolya comes out of Australia a winner?  All the media attention, a racquet contract (apparently the Prince contract *is* for the full year), rankings points (he didn't play here last year), and some cash.  Would love to see him back it up at IW and Miami.

Pic This: Day 8

Arm wrestle you for it?

I wish I could caption this as "So close!"  But...I can't.

Stay away from him, you skanky hos!  The last thing he needs is the Clap.

Never look back.

Yurp.
 

Two of us!

Continuing the theme: Nico touches his junk.  It's a thing.  I guess.

Aw, shit.  Wait until @carowozniacki hears about this. 

Shit's about to get real on Twitter.

Even Lleyton was bored.  And he was playing.

I'm making velociraptor noises on my couch.

Like a moth to a flame...

ZOMG SHE'S NAKED UNDER THERE!!!!11

I seriously don't understand the uproar.

Hotness.

Who the hell dresses up as the villain to one of the best Pixar movies of all time?

And a weak ass villain at that.  Dude was a schmuck.

Butt Visors, By Stella McCartney.

Saints win!

He's Got The Look

Fed owned Lleyton, blahblahblah, played unbelievably, blahblahblah, clearly the frontrunner, blahblahblah, whatever.  All I know is that 2 sets in, I fell asleep.  It was so boooooooring.  And no, it's not about the domination.  I thought the Serena match was interesting.  This match was just...Fed.  Fed doing what Fed does.  Snooze.  It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, which is probably an awesome thing for Fed fans.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.  Sometimes you just gotta take it like a man.

The Boy Who Would Be King

Prince William in da house, y'all. HRH was in Australia for a three-day visit.  So he stopped in to watch a bit of tennis last night.  His reward?  Half a set of Fed dominance and Casey Dellaqua vs. Karolina Sprem.  Uh, nice work, Tennis Australia.

Is it weird that I'm shocked these two have never met?  You'd think it would have happened at Wimbledon.

No, Serena, taking a picture with a Prince does not make you a princess.

Love the lady in the background.  That would *totally* be my Mom.

"You and your mother.  You're both the same." 

I always feel a twinge of sadness everytime I see him.

"Let's see here, what do we have on tap tonight..."

"Sprem?  Really?  This is what you've brought me to?  Really?"

Pic This: AO Day 2

Sorry for the delay.  Apparently yesterday's matches took too much out of me, as I fell asleep at 9am and woke up at 7pm.  That was...not my intention.  That said, I'm clearly on AO time, so bring it on, Melbourne.

Bagels give you wings!

'Stick and bagel?  Please, Aga, don't hurt 'em.

Um...I'm leaving this one alone.

Dude?  WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY?!?!?!?!

Taking a page from MaKiri's book, if you can't beat 'em, seduce 'em. 

Except...well...he's not MaKiri.  So...opposite result.

Ricardo was fired up, y'all.  And it was *hilarious*.

"Please Lord, don't smite me!"

Vagina hugs!

"Young man, I am not amused by your antics."

Boo, Sam.

Phew, Sam.


Gavroche!

 

Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Misha's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
MISHA'S GOING TO TEAR OFF IT'S HEAD AND PISS IN ITS SKULL.
YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG MARINE!!!

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

Oh, Igor.  It just hurted so much to watch.   

 

Igor gives Roger good matches.  But just like at USO08, he just couldn't convert the big points when he needed to.  Roger doesn't give you many looks.  And so it goes.  Igor played amazingly and found himself with set points to go up 2 sets to 1 and just...choked.  Hard.   Roger destroyed him in the tiebreak and the fourth set was a somewhat merciful kill.  Matt Cronin said he saw Igor in tears walking out of the locker room.

From Igor's presser:

Q. Yesterday your friend Miss Kirilenko said you had urged her to make a loud noise to enter the year. She said she did that and now it was your turn.

IGOR ANDREEV: She put too much pressure on me. (Laughter.) Like after she win the match she said, Okay, now it's your turn. No, I was happy she won yesterday. She won because ‑‑ not only because she won, but she played very good match. Very good tennis.

He's such a good boyfriend.  Love him.

 

So Roger's got a pretty clean walk to the QF where hopefully he'll face Kolya.  And not surprisingly, the ESPN crew, for whatever reason, refused to give Kolya a shot in that match.  I swear, do they even watch tennis?

While Trying To Avoid Watching Igor Self-Destuct...

  

I played around with the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator.  

• Roger: The Prince of Paramus
• Rafa: Orange Juice
• Nole: The Tricep
• Muzz: A-Train
• A-Rod: Snickers
• Kolya: Juice Springsteen
• Jo: J-Tan
• Fernando: DJ Douchebag
• Marat: The Hands Team
• Serena: The Ashley Simpson of Cape May
• Dina: Pookie
• Masha: The Rack
• Flavs: The Back End
• Sveta: The Tantrum

That was fun.  I'm totally using Juice Springsteen from now on.

XOXOXO

So much amazing, I don't even know where to begin. 

The fact that the event raised money and awareness for Haiti is enough of a reason to love it.  But the kids actually brought the laughs on a consistent basis and made, what is essentially, porn for tennis fans.  If you turn up the sound and close your eyes, it really does sound like porn.  Not that, you know, I did that.  I'm in an airport for God's sake.

Baseball vs. Soccer, with Australia not sure what hell is going on.

"Right?  The chain mail totally feels like fabric!"

I guess Sergio Tacchini doesn't make cups.

I love how Kim's looking at him like a bemused mom. 

"Oh, Novak."

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rafa.  I said it was "porn for tennis fans."  Not actual porn.

Dear Serena: Your threats?  So noted.

If you were to pair up the two least threatening people on the ATP/WTA tours and pair them for a gropefest, well...you could do worse.  Somehow Kim makes it look...clinical. 

Since Roger organized this thing, I can't say anything snarky.  So...

Roger did pushups during the exo.

Hee.  HeeHee.

I pretty much love this entire seven minutes.  I especially love Rafa's beleagured and obedient "Si" after Roger says "Vamos, Rafa."  He's such a good kid.

Oh, Andy.

But if you want the awesomeness of this exo summarized in one shot...

Pic This: Gravity-- It's The Law

 
See, it's not like how water swirls the other way.  It works exactly the same Down Under, Marcos.

Sara just won't stop complaining about those Samurai assholes.

Crib notes?


The scariest of the scary places-- inside a Safin's head.


Kind of like one of those optical illusions-- some people will look at this and see a picture of Ana Ivanovic.  I look at it and see a picture of Sven.  And start giggling.  Those shorts, dude.

One of the things that makes this photo great is that you can barely tell who its of.

Apricot Bars NOM NOM NOM.

Well-framed.  But I miss the hair.


One more Marcos, just for good measure.  That's a whole other kind of "OPA!!!"

The Main Event

Boys, screw those little "official tournaments" you've got going on in Auckland and Sydney.  Only pissants play those, pissants who couldn't get into the real party down at Kooyong.

("Kooyong" is so much fun to say.  Kooyong Kooyong Kooyong.)

The action at the AO's old stomping grounds starts the 13th, so... tomorrow.  Even though it's still the 11th.  And... screw it.  Time is an arbitrary measure, anyway.

Today the boys lined up for their press conference, looking like they were having a hall meeting at their college dorm:

Apparently Novak took this opportunity to say that he wants the men's tour to have a shorter schedule, presumably akin to the women's schedule.  It's pretty hard to argue at this point that a 3 week off-season is in any way sufficient.

Roger's not playing Kooyong this year, after "early" losses in his last two events.  He's being replaced by Ivan Ljubicic.  I fully recognize that I might be the only person on Earth who thinks this is a decent trade (including Ivan).

Supposedly the draw is here, but it doesn't make any sense.  Either it hasn't actually been done yet, or someone's going to need to 'splain it in the comments.

Pic This: But Can You Juggle?

My, what big hands you have.  Ahem.


Just... praise Jesus he is not wearing those hideous shorts.


Oh, was Kleybs there?

 

Prince's loss, bitches.                      


Caption Contest.


The New Face of Badass.


Look, either cinch it or put it through the dryer a few thousand times.  You're a grown man, your clothes should fit.


Jokes reminding her that she's supposed to be looking at the ball are too easy.  Likewise other jokes I thought of, then thought better of.


Pictures with huge size differences = always funny.

Two In A Row Counts As A Streak, Right?

Hilarious pictures of Kolya are my passion.  It's like a one-woman mission to prove everyone they're wrong about him having no personality.

Anyway, he beat Roger again today.  It looked good on Livescore!  Stupid tournaments in timezones with play during work hours.

  "'It was a tough match. A lot of balls everywhere. He tried to create 
   pressure but I came up with winners when I wanted to,' Davydenko
   said. 

  "'I ran a lot and that made me tired, especially in the second set. But I
   fought for every point. That's why I won."

Well, can't argue with that.

My thoughts exactly.

Kolya will play Rafa, who demolished Viktor Troicki, in the final.  Good to see Rafa having such a strong comeback from, you know, the Inevitable End of His Career.

Pic This: First 10 Pictures I'd Starred In My Google Reader

 

Andrea Petkovic.  Just so you know what she looks like.  I, uh, didnt.



Looks like someone could use some body heat.

Rad hair.



And this is him "celebrating" after he won.  Dude, do not cross this guy.

I know a place where you can get away, it's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for...



Heh.  Bending down that much, he and Kolya might be around the same height.  Maybe.

Shoulda tried a Sham-Wow.

Ohhhh Luuuuuuciiieeee...

Exactly.

Hopman Cup or the biggest crowd ever for the Early Bird Special?

Pic This: Weekend Wrap-Up

 
Self-referential stereotyping: ur doin it rite.

Hmm... someone spent her time out of tennis taking some modern dance.

Come on, Kim, it hasn't been that long.  Use that thing you're holding, not your foot.

Brisbane Draw: Before...

... and after.  Whoops.

"Hmmm.  No, the sign in for Awkward Couple of the Week isn't closed yet."

Agnes, don't think you're off the hook here, but what the hell is Timea wearing?

And, because they're so special they deserve their own category [cue circus music]...

 
I wish I'd watched this.  Does she even have to crouch down when he serves?

 
"Look in my eyes! ... if you can tilt your head back that far."

LOL indeed, Melanie.  L.O.L.

Tasty

Well, for a 250, Doha's got a nice little set of top seeds.  Interesting.  They also have an eclectic assortment of lower ranked players and wild cards, including this guy, who turned pro 20 years ago.

I saw his name in the draw and thought I was looking at the wrong thing.  Lord.

Draw
Top Seeds: Roger, Rafa, Kolya, Youzhny

Potential Quarterfinals: Roger/Albert Montanes, Kolya/Dr. Ivo, Youzhny/Troicki, Rafa/Garcia-Lopez

Potentially Interesting First Round Matches: Montanes/Ernie, Youzhny/Stakhovsky

Interesting Questions: How are Rafa and Roger looking?  What kind of shape is Kolya in?  Younes El Ayanoui is still playing tennis??

Eat It, Suckers

Oh God, I don't even have the energy to deal with it.  Round about 2-3 months ago, all anyone could talk about was Rafa's precipitous decline and how all the injuries and one bad year at the age of 23 spelled doom, which seemed obviously idiotic then and is looking more idiotic by the second.  Fuck, I'm not even a RafaKAD, or anything like it, and I'm so happy he's playing well just so I don't have to read as much stupid crap about how Rafa is finito.

That trophy is oddly intriguing.

Other things of note happened in Abu Dhabi, too.  Kolya lost to Ferrer, which is sad for Kolya (but not too sad, because apparently he had bad bronchitis), but good for Dah-veed, so that's nice in its way.  The other big news was that Sod beat Roger on his 13th try (no one beats Robin Soderling 13 times in a row blah blah blah); Sod also played pretty well for parts of the final today.  It'll be interesting to see what he does this Australian summer, seeing as he's not got a lot to defend, and seems to be playing at a whole different level than he was this time last year.

Still, even thought I'm one of the 8 people in the world (possibly counting his immediate family and girlfriend) who doesn't hate Robin, this picture kind of made me giggle.

Swede, disgruntled.

What, Are You Scurrrred?

Roger's skipping Neutral-Land's David Cup tie against Spain.  Not surprising.  He's skipped the first round of Davis Cup every year from 2005-2009.

Pic This: Adorbz.

Fröhliche Weihnachten, from the Federers.

New Swords

 

I always get really weirded out when players change racquets.  Usually they're just paintjobs, i.e., the same racquet with a new paint job, but even just the pain job changes the player's whole look. 

So buckle up because Fed and Elf are "upgrading".  I am so used to Fed's old K-Six-One.  This black/red/and gold number is tripping me out.

I do like Elf's new one though.  The black and yellow is dope.

WTF, WTF?

Gauloises at New Balls, Please go to watch the Elf/Fed match from a corporate box at O2.  And her writeup is pretty damn awesome.  So for all your Elf/Fed "WTF was that???" needs, read her post.

Kick a Ginge

It was indeed Kick and Ginger day in London and Fed was happy to oblige. 

 

After playing a pretty crap first set, (no aces, 5 winners, 13 UFEs), Fed raised his level and started attacking Muzz's second serve and, really, anything short.  The difference was that he was actually making the shots, whereas in the first set he was spraying them everywhere.  After taking the second set 63, he blew Muzz of the court 61. The win locks up the year end #1 rank.

Tough one for Muzz.  He can still make the semis with a win over Fer and get another crack at Fed if he makes the final.  As for Fed, oddly, he's still on the bubble to qualify.  If Elf beats him in 2 and Muzz beats Fer in 2, Fed's out because of the sets won/lost differential.  That makes Thursday mildly interesting.

WTF?!?: Tuesday OOP

 

Fed vs. Muzz.  This will either be a Fed blowout or a tight three set win for Muzzard. 

I'm leaning towards the former.

Day Session 12.30 pm GMT (7.30 am ET)
Bhuapthi/Knowles vs. Fyrstenberg/Matkowski
Del Potro vs. Verdasco

Night Session 7 pm GMT (2 pm ET)
Nestor/Zimonjic vs. Cermak/Mertinak
Federer vs. Murray

Little Blue Pills

Tennis Erectile Dysfunction, aka T.E.D: A common men's health problem characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve ejaculation, or both, but like, in a tennis way. Impotence can vary. It can involve a total inability to achieve an erection or ejaculation, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief erections, but like, in a tennis way. Tennis Erectile dysfunction is also called impotence.  But like, in a tennis way.

 

Poor Fer.  He shows not just flashes of brilliance, but good sustained brilliance.  But it seems like even in those cases where he's brilliant for 99% of the match, there will always be *that* double fault.  He wasn't brilliant for 99% today.  But he played well-enough to win, I thought.  But after dropping the second set 5-7, Fer would get 'sticked by this guy:

 

I'm bummed for Fernando.  He had a really good shot of *finally* getting that big scalp that he needed to really legitimate his year.  Think about how many epic amazing, tight matches he's had against the top guys this year.  But other than his win over Muzz at AO, he's always flinched at the end.  You need to get something for that T.E.D., Fer.  It's getting embarrassing for everyone involved.

As for Fed, he's almost guaranteed that he'll end the year at #1.  As I understand it, Fed would have to lose every match from here on out and Rafa would have to run the table and win to get the #1 ranking.  

My feelings can be expressed by both Mirka and Mama Fed:

 

Yup.

Pic This: The Mad Men Of Putnam, Powell, and Loeb

 

I'd totally watch the spin off.

Pic This: "So You Come Here Askin' Me For A Favor..."

 

ATP WTF, Sponsored By Planters Peanuts.

 

But where are the top hats and monocles?  Talk about a missed opportunity.

Either that or this is a brilliant viral marketing campaign by Planters, a la this.

Ok, I'll stop fawning but I love love LOVE the ties the ATP made for them.  The hunter green and grey?  Swoony McSwoonerson over here.

 

Aaaaaand I've stopped swooning.  Thanks, BonerKillerer.

 

I will say this about Fed.  I'm glad he's procreating so that he can pass on that head of hair.  

 

Ahem.  No kids yet for Kolya.  No coincidence I'm sure.

 

I wonder if Simon Fuller, at some point, will drug Muzz, throw him into the back of a van, drive him to some dark alley, and get a one eyed Asian dentist in a wheelchair to fix his teeth.  Because boy, those things ruin a lot of pics.  That said, they're also why I love him.  I know, I'm not right in the head.

 

Aw, perfect. 

 

Rafa looks so different from picture to picture.  Does the dampness of his hair make *that* much of a difference?

 

It's weird to see Andy actually look bigger than Rafa.

Oh yeah.  This guy.

Welcome To The Hogwart's Reunion.

 

If Shanghai made the boys look like Hitmen, London has turned them all into the most mischievous group of prep school kids this side of Manhattan.  And I LOVE it.

  

The battle for Class President begins here.

Nice to see Rafa's hair decided to dry for this pic.

  

The faves.  Or so "they" say.

  

Cute.

 

Not sure why I can't find his stock picture.  Did someone arrive a little late to the party?

 

Lucky Sod.

Air Quotes: A Compliment, Federer Style

Oh, Fed.  Just when I had decided to lay off you for a while...

However, Federer believes he copes with opponents like Murray better than he did in his early days against men like Lleyton Hewitt and David Nalbandian. "I had a lot of trouble against those baseliners early on just because they were too consistent. They could always get one more ball back. Maybe they didn't have the best serve, but I wasn't the best return player, so I couldn't take advantage. My serve wasn't solid enough yet, so I would always get tangled up in those horrible baseline rallies.

"Murray can still do that to some degree, but when I play too well or too offensively I can take time away from him now. And I'm too physical, whereas in the beginning I couldn't do that. I couldn't get around backhands like I can now. Now I can mix up my game too well for him to get under my skin.

"I know what I can do and I know what he can do. When we both play well it's a close match, but I always feel it's the attacker who holds the key to success, so it's up to me whether I win or lose, not up to him. That's why I don't mind the match-up, to be honest.

"It's like when [Pete] Sampras and [Andre] Agassi played. Agassi was more aggressive [than most counter-attackers], but still Sampras held the key because he was serving, pushing the limits, taking the risks. Which Murray doesn't do so much – though that doesn't take anything away from Murray. That's just his game style.

Yes, as an attacking player the game is in your hands.  UNLESS the "defensive" player doesn't allow you to attack.  I'm not saying Fed is wrong.  But JESUS, it just sounds so offensive the way he chooses to phrase it.