Forty Deuce

Flying High

Ha.  I had a conversation with a friend this morning and predicted Lena would win.  As I am omniscient, Lena beat Serena in straight sets, 76 61.

Lena played a quality match.  Served well on the big points, ran down a crap load of balls, and painted the lines when she needed to.  She absolutely deserved the win.  Serena was simply outplayed.

But I had to snicker when Cliffy said that his favorites for the Open are Serena, Venus, and Lena.  Uh, first of all, no on Venus.  That's just a stupid pick.  Second, the knock of Lena isn't that she sucks.  We all know she's a solid tennis player who has the technical skill to win a Slam.  But she's a headcase.  Sure she can outperform Serena at a non-Slam event.  Serena didn't look like she cared at all.

But put both of these ladies back on center court in a Slam?  Yeah, the only way Lena's winning a Slam is if someone even headcasier than she is is across the net.  And considering she lost in at the USO to Kuz, I venture to say that there is no one more headcasey than Lena D.

Well, except for Dinara.  But I digress.

That's not to say that Lena doesn't have a good chance in NYC.  But in my opinion, she has no better a chance than Dinara or JJ.  I guess if I had to give my "most likely to win" picks, I'd say Serena, Dina, Lena, and JJ.  But I certainly wouldn't single out Lena as the best of the non-Williamses.

"It's not me, it's you."

I don't know what happened this week but I have completely turned on Lena.  I started the week calling her the Kolya of the WTA, a player who sneaks through, who I don't mind, and who I generally don't root against or for.  They're just there.  But now?  I'm so over it.  Her matches are hell to watch/follow and I don't even like her game that much.  So yeah, you won.  Feh.

You know what my problem with her is?  She wins but it's never convincing.  Very rarely do I ever say "wow, Elena was just the better player today."  Her game just reeks of "whoa, you escaped one there" or the other player choked (which is saying something).  But I very rarely think she wins because she simply took the match. 

But we do have a potentially interesting set of matches for the weekend.  We'll get a rematch tomorrow of the Wimbledon semi between Serena and Elena, and then a possible USO 08 final rematch between Serena and JJ.  And to be honest, I'm pretty stoked for that.

So yeah, don't be stupid ladies.  Bring your game and duke it out. 

Air Quotes: No, I Meant Can You Tell Us Anything About Your Book That We *Don't* Know.

Q. Serena, I have a question about your book. Is there anything in the book that you can tell us about now before it comes out? Anything we don’t know about you that we’ll find out in the book? And also, why did you decide to write a book now?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Wow. I can tell you so much. You’ll learn that I was — being the youngest child, I kind of always got my way and I was a brat, and so when I was writing the book I didn’t realize how bratty and awful I was.

So it’s actually really funny to see as a six- or seven-year-old all the terrible things I did to Venus and all my sisters. I’m so embarrassed, because they reminded me of how awful I was. I was like, Oh, I’m sorry. I apologized to everyone; my sisters, that is.

All Headcase Hour

 

The top ladies looked lovely (well, most of them) for their SEWTA Tour All Access Hour appearances.  I haven't heard any reports of anyone leaving in tears so it sounds like a success.


Girl, you might want to get those nails checked out. I think you might be going into kidney failure.


The face of peace.  Well, not in her head, but you know, in the world.  Generally.


"How many times I have to say?  I didn't make the rankings."


"Will you please excuse me?  I have to go change.  Be right back."


This pic looks straight out of the 80's. 


Good Lord, JJ.  For all the money you've spent on "deviated septums" and whatnot, shell out a few bucks for those eye bags, woman.


I love Venus.  Always the face of calm.  And after being subjected to Serena on Twitter for two months now, I can see why Venus had to develop her Zen skills ASAP.


"I didn't make it.  I just go and I play and the ranking is what it is.  Why you all not listening?  Vera!  Vera!  Talk to them.  I go to room now to play with coconut."

Air Quotes: Sybille Who?

"I definitely wasn't as fit as I normally was.  I never played worse in my life. It was really a bad match. I think I had about 50 unforced errors.  I just did not play well at all. I hit balls in the bottom of the net and made so many unforced errors. Anyone could have beaten me today."

-- Serena, on her third round loss to Sybille Bammer.

Tennis 101

Ok, ReRe, quit moping.  Turn off HSN and pull up a chair.  I have a few things I need to run through with you.  It'll only take a sec.

1. The goal of the game of tennis is to hit the ball OVER the net and in bounds.  Write that down.  No go ahead, get a pen, I'll wait.
2. Uh...ok I guess I didn't have "a few things".  Pretty just wanted to remind you of the rules.

Because here's the thing.  You're playing Sybille Bammer.  And yes, while you may be totally intimidated by her 80 foot ball toss, 70 mph serves, and accurate though fluff groundstrokes, you shouldn't be so discombobulated as to completely forget your purpose.  Yes, Serena, there was a reason you were in Cincinnati standing on a hot a humid court on a Thursday afternoon.  And no, that reason was not to just stand around and see all the different ways you could *not* get the ball over the net and in bounds.

But congrats to Mama Bammer, who somehow found a way to completely befuddle Serena.  Maybe it was her soft groundstrokes landing at the service line, maybe it was her high looping groundies, maybe it was her kit that hasn't changed in two years.  Whatever it was it allowed her to stay with Serena and, much to her serious credit, hold her nerve to serve out the match, which ain't easy.

"He's Such a Copycat."

A few of you have written inquiring as to when the next installment of the Forty Deuce podcast would be up.  Here's the deal: It is SUPER awkward to do a podcast by yourself.  And with my partner in crime (heh), Love All, off at an undisclosed location for much of this year, I've had to shelve the podcasts.  Unfortunately my dog has very little to say about tennis.

But you can't say that I don't listen so here's the next installment, wherein I've roped in Forty Deuce regulars Sodapop, Carrie, and Victoria, to talk about everything from my general apathy towards Ana's losses, illegal immigration, and Stan's second fiddle, to how badly the WTA marketing department has failed, our love for tennis umpires, and the intimate details contained in Sodapop's diary.  You'll have to excuse any technical issues.  I'm still trying to master it all.  But I'll get it all worked out and I can promise your tech savvy and topically focused p-casts in the future.

I'm warning you, it's a long one and very WTA heavy.  Perfect for sitting in traffic while you're on your way to wherever you don't want to be.

Download Here.

Pic This: Sister Sister

Congrats to the Stanford dubs champs.


Nice to see Serena could take a break from her very insightful tweeting.

My kid sister is leaving this week to live in Japan for a few years.  Pardon me while I get a little nostalgic looking at this pic. 

I'm gonna miss you and all the crazy laughs you bring, kiddo.

Samantha Stosur, World #1

 
Let's see here.  Sammy Stones beat Dinara in Miami and now takes out Serena at Stanford.  I'm just saying.

Not really sure what the heck was up with Serena today.  Second set notwithstanding she played like absolute crap.  There was no intensity whatsoever.  Remember those reaction shots against Czink in the first round?  Yeah, none of that today.  She looked like she'd rather walk down the street and do some shopping at the Stanford Shopping Center.  It was really weird.

I really just don't get it with Serena.  For all the talk of how great a competitor she is (which, I totally agree that she is), there are days where she just does not show up and doesn't seem to care whatsoever that she's losing.  It's such a stark contrast to Masha, who was getting her ass handed to her by Venus, but man, the kid was fighting as hard as she could.  Obviously Serena's way works for her, but it bugs the crap out of me.

But back to Sam.  Yay!

Shake It, Don't Break It.

Seriously?  From Doug Robson:

Serena Williams has finally come clean about the left knee injury that eventually required surgery: She tweaked it grooving at an L.A. dance club in 2002. Asked why she hadn’t come clean earlier on Thursday following her 6-3, 7-6 win over Melinda Czink, Serena said: “I just didn’t want my parents to know. I don’t think they know yet. I’m still a little nervous about that.”

The No. 2 American went on to say the accident was “embarrassing” and “ridiculous,” and that she learned her lesson. “Whenever I go out now I always bring a pair of flats,” she chuckled, noting that she never returned to the same nightclub again. “I don’t dance the whole night in heels.”

Shit, if I tried to drop it like it's hot I'd probably break something too:

Pic This: Dude. You Beat Melinda Czink. Calm Down, #1.

Cars, Real Estate, and Jewels

I don't know why but all I can imagine Venus driving now is an El Camino. Also, I think it's a travesty that Agi isn't in these videos. I would love to hear her scoff at the idea of extravagance.

Rolex: Better Than A Fortune Cookie

They sign Ana a mere days before she goes on to win her first Slam.  And now they placed ads all over the place pretty much tapping Fed and Serena to win Wimbly.

Impressive stuff, Rolie.  Impressive.

"If she is half-assing her way to the top, she just became my new hero."

FatNotPretty-Gate has hit Jezebel.  The comments are pretty great.

And there's this post on Wimby's admission re looks vs. skill.

Pic This: And Now For The Fifth Stage Of Grief...

Oh, stop it.  It's a pretty picture and they both look good.

The trophies, I mean.

Ok, Now We're Just Throwing That Word Around Willy Nilly.

Serena's an underachiever, y'all (FYI -- DON'T CLICK ON THE LINK UNLESS YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM MORE TRAFFIC).  Because she's REALLY REALLY DISGUSTINGLY FAT.

At age 27 — the same age as Federer — Serena owns just half as many major titles (11) as Steffi Graf, the greatest women's player of all time. That's a terrible shame.

With a reduction in glut, a little less butt and a smidgen more guts, Serena Williams would easily be as big as Michael Jackson, dwarf Tiger Woods and take a run at Rosa Parks.

You can call me unfair. You can even scream that I'm sexist.

But there's an inescapable truth about Serena Williams: She's an underachiever.

And all the people making excuses for Serena and rationalizing her failure to totally dominate women's tennis are the very people uninterested in seeing women rise to a level of equality with men.

Serena Williams has all the ingredients to be Michael Jordan, Jim Brown and Muhammad Ali rolled into one made-for-TV package. She is quite possibly the most gifted female athlete in our lifetime.

Unfortunately for us, she lacks the courage to fulfill her destiny.

She'd rather eat, half-ass her way through non-major tournaments and complain she's not getting the respect her 11-major-championships résumé demands.

She complains about being ranked No. 2 in the world when she's not bitching on Twitter or her blog about new rules that forbid Wimbledon players from eating in the locker room.

Seriously, how else can Serena fill out her size 16 shorts without grazing at her stall between matches?

...

During this year's Wimbledon, Serena and Safina played Court 2 while hot, lesser stars battled on Centre Court. Safina can blame genetics for her fate. Serena only has herself to blame. God gave Serena everything, including drop-dead looks.

She's chosen to smother some of it in an unsightly layer of thick, muscled blubber, a byproduct of her unwillingness to commit to a training regimen and diet that would have her at the top of her game year-round.

Serena simply isn't obsessed with tennis perfection. She seems to play the game solely because she's good at it. Not because she has a burning desire to be the best there ever was. That is her right.

And it's my right to rip her for choosing to be a celebrity tennis player rather than a single-minded tennis assassin.

...

Think about it. At 5-foot-9, 145 pounds, Serena would be unstoppable on the court, on the cover of every magazine still in circulation and downloaded on the Internet three times more often than Anna Kournikova.

Instead, Serena is arguably pushing 175 pounds, content playing hard only in the major tournaments, happy to be photographed on dates with pro athletes and proud to serve as a role model for women with oversized back packs.

First of all, no one, and I mean no one, rips on my tennis family other than me.  Secondly, Jason, you complain that all Serena does is focus on the Slams and is too busy at IHOP to bother playing podunk tournaments.  But you're measuring her success based on Slams, so...no.  Thirdly, how about a little bit of credit for, oh, I don't know, Justine Henin, Venus Williams, and the "flash in the pan" rest of the field.  Serena isn't to the WTA what Roger is to the ATP.  Fourthly, she won the Australian Open while at her fat and flabbiest.  So...it's not necessarily about fitness, Pork Chop.  And finally, how about some recognition that the game that Serena plays takes an amazing toll on a person's body, especially a body built like Serena's.  No matter how fit she is there is going to be a lot of weight hanging on that 5'9'' frame of hers. 

I wonder what would have happened if Serena did what everyone seems to want for her to have done over the past 10 years.  Maybe she would have had to pull out of Slams at the age of 23 suffering from debilitating injuries that leave us all doubting whether she'll ever be able to return to form.

Thanks to theshiznik for tweeting the article.

3 for 4

And so it goes.

Congrats to Serena.  She beat her big sister in straight sets, 76 62, breaking Venus' 34 set win streak at Wimbledon.  ReRe now has 11 majors.  Haven't seen the match yet so can't really comment, but this is quite the accomplishment for Serena.  She now holds 3 of the last 4 majors.

And Serena was keen making sure you know that:

Q. How much of a motivation is it for you to try and regain the world No. 1 ranking?

SERENA WILLIAMS: You know, I'm not super motivated. I think if you hold three Grand Slam titles maybe you should be No. 1, but not on the WTA Tour obviously, so...

You know, my motivation is maybe just to win another Grand Slam and stay No. 2, I guess (laughter).

Q. Does that disappoint you?

SERENA WILLIAMS: No. If it did, I would go crazy just thinking about it. I think anyone really could. That's just shocking. But whatever. It is what it is. I'd rather definitely be No. 2 and hold three Grand Slams in the past year than be No. 1 and not have any.

Q. Do you see yourself as No. 1?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I see myself as No. 2. That's where I am. I think Dinara did a great job to get to No. 1. She won Rome and Madrid (laughter).

...

Q. We all know the slams are the key events in our sport. Do you think someone somewhere should sit down and maybe tweak the ranking system a little bit so we don't have this problem?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, I mean, maybe if I'd have done better at the French Open, like got to the semifinals, maybe things would have been different. But, uhm, honestly, I'm not picking on anybody. Everyone works hard.

I think the girl, Dinara, who is No. 1, you can clearly see by her physique how hard she works. You can't get anywhere by not doing the best and not working your hardest.

So, you know, I'm happy for her. I'm really excited that I won Wimbledon, though, because, like I said, I'd rather win that than not win the Championships.

Q. With all due respect, we're just talking about the system on paper the way the computer works. Do you think that should be changed?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I don't know. I don't know what can be changed. I feel like I've had a pretty consistent year, though, you know. I haven't lost too early. I got a little injured, but I fought through it. So it's been pretty consistent reaching at least the further rounds of different events.

But I don't know what to do to be No. 1. I don't even care anymore. I'm just happy to be here.

Yes, it's weird for a player to win 3 of the 4 majors and still be #2.  That said, let's see, Dina lost to Serena at USO, Serena at AO, Kuz, the eventual champ, FO, and Venus at Wimbly.  Not the most horrible record at Slams.  Serena lost to, well, a lot of people you may or may not even name at various non-Slams (Patty Schnyder? Klara Zakapalova?  Lena?  Vika?).  I'm not saying it's the same and yeah, Serena should probably be considered the best player in the world.  But come on, just admit that you suck during the other event that, whether you like it or not, allow for the WTA to exist. 

So I'm not capping on Serena for being annoyed.  She should be.  But she should be annoyed at herself or the system.  She shouldn't be ripping on the other players.  You're the best player in the world, Serena.  Now maybe it's time to grow up and treat that label, and all the burdens it entails (oh, like being a good ambassador for the sport) accordingly.  You can only play the "bratty little sister" card for so long.

As for Venus, I'm bummed for you.  I don't know what happened there but I do wish you would have won.  But you'll always be the #1 Williams in my heart, which isn't saying much, but it's saying something, I suppose.  From one big sister to another, mucho props.  You stay classy, baby.  The pride and dignity with which you carry yourself just breaks my heart sometimes.  And if that class, pride, and compassion means you don't win as many Slam, so be it.  You're still the better Williams to me.

Air Quotes: Zing!

Q. Do you have anything you would like to ask one another as you've thought about the press conferences each of you has held during this fortnight on different days and seen each one play? What question do you have for one another at this point?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Are you ready to get out of here (laughter)?

VENUS WILLIAMS: Ditto (smiling).

What a Tease.

That was 2 hours and 49 minutes of scintillating, titillating, thoroughly drive-you-wild stuff.  And then it ended and I rolled over and went back to sleep completely frustrated.

Lena had a match point and, had she just gone up the line as opposed to cross court, she would have booked herself into the final.  But she went for the easier cross-court shot, despite her post-match protestations that she prefers to go down the line:

Q. I don't know if you discussed the match point, but were you thinking about going down the line on the passing shot?

ELENA DEMENTIEVA: You know, I'm disappointed with the shot because I'm very surprised I didn't go down the line. Because, I mean, passing shot, this is my favorite shot to make. And, I mean, maybe it was too quick, so I didn't see she was moving to cover cross‑court, you know.

She was very close to the net. I mean, down the line or even lob would work. But, I mean, it's a game, you know. It was too quick.

That's what you call a choke, people.  When the pressure's on you fall back on what you do well and you execute, not try and be cute and tricky.

But to Lena's credit she kept on fighting and she didn't go away.  She made Serena earn this one.  So all credit to her.  And I think this was a great match for women's tennis.  For all the people (including me) who didn't give Lena a chance in hell to make this a match, she did and scared the shit out of Serena and all the American commentators wetting themselves over WWII.

So a tip of the Yonex cap to you, Lena.  Much respect.

 

"I'm A Little Crazy. I Wouldn't Want To Date Me."

Uh, please watch this.  She actually comes across...sane. 

Huh.

They Are Very Very Good. Simple As That.

Interesting stuff from Navs re Venus, Serena, and bunch of fat ugly chicks.

Fortunately, by that time, Martina Navratilova had weighed in with a more seasoned view. When we sat down in the lobby of the locker room after her match in what they call the Ladies Invitation Doubles (a euphemism for seniors), she agreed that women’s tennis lacked clarity and conviction at the top, and mainly because of Venus and Serena’s chronic absences apart from non-Grand Slam events.

“They play in the playoffs but not in the regular season,” said Navratilova, always quick with a cross-reference. “But I don’t want to say their success is because the other women aren’t that good. I would prefer to look at it more as what it says about them, how great they are.”

At that moment, Serena walked by, smiling. “I was just talking about you,” Navratilova said. With Serena gone, she added, “I just wish you would play more.”

The amazing Williams story is often viewed through the prism of race, and at times, they have been held to more demanding behavioral standards than their peers. In this case, defining them competitively based on the quality of their competition, Navratilova raised a different stereotype.

“That old women’s double standard, which I hate,” she said.

She remembered resentment here five years ago, some grumbling over her wild-card entry into the singles draw. She won her first-round match, 6-0, 6-1, against Catalina Castaño of Colombia.

“People said, big deal, look at the opponent,” she said. “But when Mario Lemieux comes back to hockey and scores a goal, it’s, Oh, he’s great.”

Her point was that she was 47 at the time of her last Wimbledon singles victory. How great was that?

To expand her argument, couldn’t we pose similar questions about the men’s tour, where Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal have won a combined 20 Grand Slam events in the last six and a half years?

“Does that mean the other guys aren’t any good or that Roger and Rafa are great?” Navratilova said.

Serena has 10 Grand Slam victories to Venus’s 7. You hear all the time that both should have Federer numbers by now. It is not an unreasonable argument, but the effective counter is that they have still managed to outachieve and outlast a generation, with ease and without burning out.

I liked Martina's comments there.  Why does Venus and Serena's awesomeness have to mean that everyone else sucks?  Why can't people just focus on their awesomeness?  The American Press seems to want to anyway.  Go with it.

Pic This: Va-JJ Edition

Go up and get it, Dina.


Am I drunk at a bar in hell right now?


I'm pretty sure Agi Radwanska can help you with that. She's got nothing but time.


You can do it, put your back into it, Racquet.


Mardy Fish?


Well, yeah.  Then don't bang your head on it, idiot.

Hmm...so many ways I can go with this.  Most of them involve calling Vika a tranny.  But since I'm classy and way better than that, I'm not going to make those jokes.  And shame on you for even thinking them.

You can't even see me, my road is so high.

ZOMG YOU GUYS!1!1! FINALLY!!!

So I've been waiting for this thing to be uploaded all week.  Amaze.

And just because I can, here's Dina's genius piece again.

OK. I Love You Again, ESPN.

I might forgive the Safina heaping if you keep putting together awesomeness like this.

Air Quotes: I'm Assuming This Is Before It Was A Dildo

Q. Okay. But when the time comes to sit down and look at your marvels, what do you think the first marvel will be?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, I don't know. I have no idea. I'll just ‑‑ I don't know. I think I'll be a little amazed because, uhm, you know, I never even take the time out to even think about the tournament.

I mean, I use some of my trophies for makeup brushes, so, you know, maybe I'll just take a step back and be like, Hmm. Take all the makeup brushes out and really appreciate every title and every trophy.

Q. What trophy makes the best makeup brush holder?

SERENA WILLIAMS: My Indian Wells '03 (smiling). Or was it '01? Whatever year that was.

-- Serena, with an awesome "fuck you very much" to Indian Wells.

Well...That Was A Letdown.

Well, in their first "no excuses" match, Vika gets dusted by Serena, 2 and 3.  That was disappointing.  I didn't want Vika to win but I at least wanted her to make a match of it.  I guess there best matchups (from a competitive match perspective) is going to be on hard courts.

Q. How, if at all, is Serena's game different on the grass than on the hard courts?

VICTORIA AZARENKA: Well, the serve I think is more efficient, you know. It's harder to return. The groundstrokes are also faster on the grass.

But, I mean, the game she played today, if she would play on hard courts or on any other surface, it would be pretty good, you know. It was just her day, you know, and she played amazing tennis.

Serena to her credit looked awesome.  It was definitely her best match of the tournament.  She'll take on Lena D. next.

Air Quotes: I Have To Confess, I'm Kind Of Loving Serena This Fortnight

Q. Is it better to be young and hungry or a little more elderly and savvy?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Be careful (smiling).

Q. I was trying to be careful.

SERENA WILLIAMS: We don't want a scuffle.

...

Q. Do you need someone to push you to find that next gear?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Maybe I just need an espresso.

...

Q. There's been some controversy about the Wimbledon playing committee perhaps picking players for their looks rather than their tennis talent on Centre Court. They are saying that good looks are a factor with who plays on Centre Court. What do you think about that as an extremely accomplished tennis player who should be on Centre Court?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, I think Roger's hot, but he's married, so...

...

Q. I'm sure you see your sister every day. Are you aware of her presence on the other side of the draw?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Am I? I was hitting with her the other day. She was beating me, so I was mad. I thought I was playing really well, so it was just like frustrated.

...

Q. What's happening here? You said you were getting mad at her, admitting differences. Are we getting a differential between Serena and Venus that we didn't see before?

SERENA WILLIAMS: You said I was getting mad at her?

Q. You got mad at losing to her.

SERENA WILLIAMS: I'm always mad. You guys know I'm really bratty. This is nothing new, so...

But my favorite, soda out the nose Serenage:

Q. Why is [Venus] so slow to adopt things like Twitter and Facebook?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah, she's really artsy and into smart things like ‑‑ I don't know, she's into getting ‑‑ learning languages and getting degrees. I'm into Twitter, so... We're quite different, so...

LOLz.

Pic This: "It's Business, It's Business Time..."

The BEST.DAY.EVER. started with a whimper and ended with a bang. 

We can't have it all, people.


Unless your name is Mirka.  In which case, you *can* have it all.

 
Um.  No thank you.


"You want a piece of this?"

It's official.  Tennis needs to have pre-match staredowns, a la boxing.  Because they are both awesomely intense and you never know if you're about to watch a sporting event or porn.  So, win-win!

Shhh!  Do you hear that?  Listen oh so carefully and you can hear the sound of a thousand blades of grass screaming.

Yes.  He did it again.  Oh, and FYI, reporters, "slapping the bull" is nothing even close to resembling "The Robot."  Come on.

Did anyone else think it was really inappropriate for the world feed cameras to be shooting Ana all gyno style?  Show some class, fellas.

Seriously?  What is this, 2002?


Yes, she won.  No I have no idea when she's due.


But what does it all mean....


Yeah, so I'm gonna need some of that in and or around the general vicinity of my JJ area.


Sometimes it's really creepy how much Andy looks like Judy.  Oh, and while I'm at it...

K.SEARS IS WAY HOTTER THAN B.DECKS!!! Suck it!


Yes, Tranny scares me.  But she has one of the most awesome "Win Smiles" in the game.  Pure joy.

 
Open your heart, Andy.  Let us in.

In an unfortunate setback for race relations, Venus and Serena double bageled Jay-Z & Co.  Thanks a lot ladies. 

So...you refuse to sign with a clothing company but an insurance company with a lizard mascot put together a deal that sounded appealing to you?  O...k....

Oh, Dina.  Inapporpriate.  In.a.propriate.  Besides, Momo has no idea what that means.

Rematch

So Viko outlasted the always ridiculous non-closer Nads in three sets and Serena shoved Dani aside in easy straight sets (last time I checked a it's first person to 6 games, right Pammy?) to set up yet another eagerly anticipated matchup.  Woozygate obviously went to Serena, though Vika had her on the ropes, and then the Miami final went decisively to Vika, though Serena wasn't 100% there. 

Here's hoping for a quality match.  That said, who the hell am I rooting for here?   On one hand I would love for Vika to spoil the All-Williams love fest going on.  On the other hand, Serena's been on her best behavior this tournament and she's not really on my bad side.  And we all know how I feel about the umpire berating Belarussian.

So...go...Se...re...na???

I guess.  We all have to sell out at some point.

Pic This: You Would Too.

Yikes!

Pic This: Leapin' Leprechauns

The higher they go, the harder they fall.  Sad for Elfie. 

But he was WAY cute in his presser.


They don't call him Gonzo for nothing.

I actually think I would enjoy watching the Williamses play doubles live.  Not on TV when there's other interesting and important tennis going on, but you know, at other times.

Just because I know boys read this blog.  You're welcome.  I guess.


Sigh.  If only he flipped it.  Next time.


"Uh...hello."


Hey, it's *that* guy!

Most of the time Momo's pics look weird, primarily because she comes under the ball (heh) so much on her forehand and then her one-handed backhand looks nuts if you don't catch it right. 

But then there are pics like this.  Love.


*Yeah* you're in.  My vagina.

Hey, Upper East Siders.  Looks like S dropped in and braved the hot sun in support of Lonely Boy.  All kidding aside though, I've always really liked Kim Sears.  And I *need* that purse.

Nooooo.  No vest.  Bad Muzz.  Bad.

The Sex is in the house, people.  Respect.

No Taxation Without Representation!

Greatest Hit Face Ever.

Nice day for the American men and women with two expected wins and two surprises. 

A-Rod and Venus are looking solid, Venus in particular.  But Andy's been serving and moving well.  Who knows, he actually might have a shot here. 

Yeah, probably not.  But it's going to be fun watching him try.  It's like watching a blind puppy repeatedly crashing into a glass door.  You know it's sad and you shouldn't laugh, but come on, IT'S COMEDY GOLD.

As for the surprises, who had Melanie Oudin and Jesse "Marat Slayer" Levine going into the third round?  Nice runs, you two.

And these two won their dubs match.  In case you missed it on ESPN when they decided to ignore all the other interesting single matches.  Nice.

 

Man, Serena's On Fire This Week.

Serena had a pretty easy go against Jarmilla Groth (nee Gaidisova) today, taking it in two easy sets. 

Which of course meant that she had plenty of energy left to be kinda awesome in her presser:

Q. Wimbledon is so full of rules and all that kind of stuff. Maybe too many rules, a lot of people would say. The one thing I hear that’s getting on your nerves this week is there’s no eating allowed in the locker rooms. Why?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, you know, they said they voted on it. And I can understand. I just got confused as to why there are bananas and other stuff that you consume in the locker room, unless they found another way to consume it that I’m not aware of. I don’t dare want to find out.

Q. What do you do with all the bananas and Kit Kats that you get?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I don’t eat them. They say, Don’t eat ‘em in the locker room. So I’m just confused (laughter).

Q. Are you allowed to drink water in the locker room?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I don’t know. They have water in there, so… I mean, I’ve been drinking in the locker room. Maybe I shouldn’t.

Q. What happens if you feel naughty and have a Kit Kat anyway in the locker room?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, they’re there, so I don’t understand why they’re there. You know, uhm, I don’t eat in the locker room. They told me not to eat. I try to abide by the rules.

I’m just confused as to why do you supply something you consume if there’s a sign that says, No consuming.

...

Q. Is the surface any different from previous years?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, I don't think it's different. I think it's, you know, grass. I don't know how much different it can get. It could be wrong, though.

I'm obviously wrong about consuming, so I could be wrong about the grass (laughter).

...

Q. I've read that Venus has given you a book on script writing. Will you be at the Emmys or Oscars next year?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I'm writing my script. You'll be excited to know I wrote three parts already. I call it 'my treatment,' so I'm working on my treatment now.

I was going to do it yesterday, but I started watching Dexter and I got a little sidetracked. You know what, today's a good day. I can write. I was really in the mood yesterday. For me it's really about being in the mood and how I'm feeling.

...

Q. What is the subject matter of the TV script that you're writing?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, it's a mixture between some of my favorite shows, like Desperate Housewives, and Sex and the City, and actually Family Guy. It's kind of those put together in one, if you can imagine.

That TV script is the equivalent to a the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger.  Kind of gross in concept, totally addicting, but boy, you feel awfully gross afterwards.  It's just not good for you.

Air Quotes: Introducing Serena Williamsova

Some interesting stuff in ReRe's presser.  She still crazy, don't get me wrong, but the presser was actually interesting. Girl was in a good mood, I guess.

Q. You and your sister have dominated Wimbledon for so many years now. Dinara Safina is the No. 1 seed this year. Wimbledon deserves the right to change the seedings. Do you think you or Venus should have been the No. 1 seed, especially with Venus defending?

SERENA WILLIAMS: No, I think Dinara should be the No. 1 seed. She's been really consistent the last couple months. She's earned that No. 1 ranking.

Q. A moment ago you gave your opponent today credit for lifting her game in the second set. What is your feeling after a match about giving credit to an opponent? As you know, different players approach that different ways. They either focus just on how they played, or they analyze how their opponent played. What is your approach when you speak to the press and you speak to others about assessing your opponent's game?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, I don't know. My approach is just to be me, and I never thought about that. I've never been asked that question all my years of playing.

So hurrah for a new question (smiling).

Q. After the French, some said maybe you should have given more credit to your opponent who defeated you. How tough is it, after a loss, to analyze the defeat and assess credit for your opponent?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Oh, I feel like I did give credit to Svetlana. I get along with her well. There's no problems between me and her.

I feel like I choked. I should have won the match and I didn't, and she went on to glory. That's just the bottom line. There's nothing else to be said about it.

I'll Fly Away

Serena's pre-kit, which basically consists of an oddly cut update of her 08 trenchcoat.

I mean, it's fine and all.  I generally think double-breasted anything makes well-endowed women look like a sausage.  But this doesn't, so well done Nike.

But what's with the weird sides that are cut longer than the rest of the jacket?

Like the upper back stuff though.  That's cute.  But those sides are killing me.

Pic This: Wimbly Warmup

 
I've been a bit lazy with Wimbly practice pics.  I shall try and make amends now.


There's been a bit of ankle grabbing going on during the practice sessions.  Both Serena and Blah were having some trouble with their footing and weren't looking particularly comfortable.


So what do you guys think?  Are you taking Williams sisters or the field? 


Fed's been looking relaxed, no surprise as to why.  Lots of laughs with the boys.


Nole on the other hand seems to have been Mr. Serious on the practice courts. 


Is Nole planning to rock a sweater vest?


Obligatory "A-Rod Looks So Fucking American" pic.


Lots of folks picking Shazzy to at least make the semis. 


Just cuz.

 
gomuzz [/whisper]

If Only He Read Her Real Tweets

Conan could dedicate an entire show to Serena's Twitter feed. And it would rival Colbert's Correspondent's Dinner piece as the most epic comedy piece in the history of all comedy.

Well, that and Who's On First.

Pic This: Hard Not To, Really.

"Arabian Niiiiiiiights, Like Arabian Daaaaaaaays..."

More pics from the Ralph Lauren Player Party.


Meh.  Ana.  Pretty.  Moving on.


That is, like, my huge peeve about silk dresses.  No getting around that.


I would love to be in the room when Serena walks out in her "outfit".  I just want so badly to see Vee's reaction.  If that were me and my kid sister I'm pretty sure I'd bust out with an awesome rendition of "Arabian Nights".  Seriously what's going on there?  Is it chain mail that feels like fabric against your skin?  Also, is she wearing them backwards?  So many questions.

Vee looks amaaaaaaazing [/kellykapoor], btw.


I'm a sucker for dresses with pockets.  I am also a sucker for dresses that look like jeans and a hoodie, FYI.  But what is up with Lena's old face?  She perplexes me.

"After The Party Is The After Party"

This is one of the more random collection of players I've seen, considering that three of them kinda suck on grass, the other is marginally ok though has been sucking of late, and the other two are just crazy.  Well ok, one of those two is crazy.

Fine.  I'll be the asshole.

Who invited the draggies?????

I can't explain it but I just heart these two.  Homecoming King and Queen of FD High.  By a landslide.

Get Ready For It...

Apparently coming at you September 1, 2009.

Seriously, Sam. You Can Speak Yourself. Or Not. I Don't Know.

Dina's thinly veiled offense that the interviewer didn't know who Yelena Isinbayeva is ridix awesome. And what does it say about me that I immediately imagined that if Isinbayeva was asked about Dina she'd respond with a "Who?"

Also, Hsieh-Su Wei is my new favorite tennis player.  Why?  "Because she's coo."

Uhhhhhh... What?!

Sveta, what?  What??  How unexpected was that?  I mean, obviously, Sveta has had the far superior clay season and is-- these days-- the superior clay player, but I always assume that once she's into the quarters of a Slam (assuming her opponent is not named V. Williams, J. Henin, or J. Jankovic), Serena has pretty much an automatic pass to the final.  And since Sveta is such a nutcase, there didn't seem to be any reason to think today would be different.  

However.

Well well well.  Congratulations, Sveta.  Way to demonstrate that there is, somewhere in there, a good dose of grit and mental fortitude.  And actually, also to Serena.  Coming in injured with zero clay play and making the quarters is pretty astonishing.  That's just Serena for you.  Wimbly next, and I'm sure if she's back to full health, she'll be more than ready for it.

It's too soon after the match for there to be very many pictures yet, but there is this one, so enjoy.

Do ballkids get training for these situations?

Taking the High Road

You know, fans can have goals for tournaments, too.  It's not just for the athletes!  So, my goal for this tournament, which came over me very suddenly this morning, is acceptance.  That's right.  No more will I allow the gloating fans, the crazy smack talk, or the turning up at Slams out of nowhere and destroying my favourites to bother me.  Dude, I got other shit to do.  I got books to read.  So, feel the Serena love.  I even watched the match!  Well... as much of it as TTC showed.  I guess a blowout is no fun no matter who's playing.

Anyway, Serena looked good.  Not that anyone could possibly have expected her to have any trouble with Aleks Wozniak.  There were some points that Aleks played really really well, and even more that she... didn't.  A clay court specialist she is not, bless.  

Serena's starting to find her shots and solidify her movement, so her game is (as usual) getting more secure as the tournament progresses.  There's not much else to say except that the farther she goes in any given tournament, the more likely she is to win it.  Serena in tennis tournaments is the complete opposite of the concept of "half life".  Double life?  Is there such a thing?  Help a girl out, science peeps.  And also, this picture cracked my shit up:

Pic This: Good Things *Did* Happen Today.

Here's the thing.  As much as it sucked that Rafa lost at least now we have an interesting tournament on the men's side.  I honestly have no idea how thing's are going to shake out.

Must be weird to actually have the Parisians on your side.


Kolya's got your balls.  Tough for Fer.  Really thought he'd make a run here.

 
Nice to see Muzz saluting his fallen Falcon friend and rocking the White Hat of Dorkitude. 
And looking hot in it, I might add.


Ruh roh.  Dina's beauty salon is open for business.  Kid's getting ready for her closeup.


Show me where the bad man touched you, Marin.


Well, Viko, have the lambs stopped screaming?


At first I thought this pic was stitched together.  Something about it looks surreal.


Nice to see Jay-Z still in the tourney, even if for dubs.  Lavender Jie has a calming effect on me.


You *should* hide your face, Agnes.  That was just sorry.

Air Quotes: You Could Be On to Something...

"Why does some drama always happen to me? ...It happens in my private life, too. Always drama. I’m like one of those girls on a reality show that has all the drama and everyone in the house hates them because no matter what they do, like, drama follows them. I don’t want to be that girl. But it always seems to happen. I’m beginning to think it’s me."
-- Serena Williams, on ArmGate

Pic This: Cloudy With a Chance of HoYay

Nom nom nom.

I understand, Jo.  It's overwhelming me a bit, too.

Sad face x 1000.  Poor Jelena.

Smiling, watching the match, relaxed even though her man's in trouble, not on the Blackberry... I dunno, pregnancy agrees with Mirka.  Not to mention, her hair looks fantastic.

Coolness.

I dunno, the size differential cracked me up.  Come on, Serena's not that tall.  What are VRP's stats, is she 4'11" and 70 pounds?

How great umpires are born.

Yahoo tells me this was at RG today and I'm going to choose to believe them, because puppehs are awesome.

And, finally, by popular request...

LOLZ.  That is all.

Pic This: And By Rabbit I Mean Rochus.

Yucky day.  Wet and windy conditions for all.  Not that it really had any impact on play.  Overall, kind of a boring day on the courts.


Hold up.  He ain't done yet, folks.  Let's see if he can pull a rabbit out of his hat tomorrow.


Snot Rocket and furry friends scampered away with a win.  Thank God.  I was getting worried.


I am digging the yellow that Nike's rocking for the boys.  So fresh and so clean.


Fed is balletic, Rafa is powerful, but for my money, Nole has the best action shots in the biz.  And if I haven't said it yet, mucho kudos to Adidas on their choice of blue for the clay court season.  It looks fantastic against the red clay.


Oh, Gypsy.  I want so badly to hate you, especially when you bounce Dani "Just Give Her A Damn Chocolate Tart" Hantuchova. But then you smile that dorky but sweet smile and not even my hater heart can...well...hate.


I'm gonna go out on a limb and say those are some British fans. 

I don't know what gave it away...


Dear Cone.  Please win tomorrow.  I miss your "Sacrebleu!" game faces.


I could stare at those long gangly Elf arms all. day. long.


One word.  700,000 syllables. 

Comfortability.


I'm not sure beating Blah on clay is worth "shitting the pants" but ok.


Jo Belly!


Phillipe Chatrier is officially christened.

Bring on Round 2!

1-1

That's Serena's new record against Klara Zakopalova for the '09 clay court season.  So... there's that.  I can't really say anything about anyone's level of play since I didn't watch very much of it, but I can say that Serena's knee wrap looked oddly high tech.  Although I could be making that up in my head.

I don't think she's even wearing jewelry from her own line. What kind of marketing strategy is that, Serena?  

There were other matches this morning, of course, mostly wrapped around a two hour rain delay...

Jelena's new not-entirely-horrible, but not-entirely-awesome Anta dress made its debut today. That's also a pretty good summary of how she played against Petra Cetkovska-- it's kind of like her game is currently on a factory reset: the big problem is gone, but none of the old programming has been reinstalled yet. Competent, and certainly enough to get her through the first two or three rounds, but not entirely solid yet. Meanwhile, look who's wearing pink!

Man. If, in some alternate universe, it ended up being a Dinara/Sveta final, Sveta would immediately have the upper hand because Dinara would be so. Jealous. Sveta played a really solid match against Claire Feuerstein, a French journeywoman who turned out to be much better than anyone thought she'd be-- possibly including Feuerstein herself.

'Round the ATP side, Nicolas Lapentti did his part to get Philippe Chartrier back on schedule by retiring down 4-6, 1-3 to Nole.  

  

Lapentti rolled his ankle-- which was already heavily taped-- towards the end of the first set, and obviously never got comfortable again. Nole looked calm and collected, had some silly misses, but mostly looked in perfectly good shape for the beginning of the tournament. 

Other results thus far: Monfils, Kohlscreiber, JMDP, Gicquel, Seppi and Disco Tommy all through easily in straight sets. Juan Monaco just knocked out Marcos-- Marcos, we hardly knew ye.  Caro, unsurprisingly, took the third set against Vera D fairly easily (6-1). The Gypsy prolonged Dani's misery by beating her in straight sets, Ruano Pascal did the same to Nikki V. Aleks Wozniak went through in 3, U-Rad went out in 3. Lena D through in straights, but went down a couple of breaks in the first. Sania's out and Dokic is through (only her second win since the AO?!). Quality guy Ivan Ljubicic is in a deciding set with Ferrero and Jo Willy and Apricot Bars are locked down in battle on Chartrier, but ESPN2 has decided I'd rather watch Blah. They are incorrect. Thank god for livestreaming. One note: conditions today have been terrible-- hours of rain delays this morning, terrible wind ever since. It looks like hell out there.

The Buzz Around The Grounds

"Yeah. I definitely think Nadal is probably a big-time favorite."

-- Serena, in response to who the favorite is.

"And it's always a pleasure playing at Roland Garros - coming back here gives me a special sensation."

-- Rafa, on the chills that multiply when he comes back to RG.

“I was at the draw, so it would be hard to miss it.”

-- Baby E, in response to a reporter's question on whether she knew who her first round opponent was.  Unfortunately I'm positive this wasn't as snarky as it reads.

“I’m taking it a match at a time. I’m not putting any pressure on myself. I don’t have anything to lose this year. I’m more confident than I was a couple of weeks ago. I think that’s a step in the right direction.”

-- Serena, on her outlook going into RG. Tom Tebbutt reports that she was curt and vague and he thinks that there's some concern in the Serena camp.

“We’re a bit different persons, me and him. He can maybe practice one and a half hours a day and it’s enough for him. I’m a little more stubborn. I need to have like four hours on the court. He was like (telling me) ‘no, just practice half an hour and it’s fine for you.'  But now he doesn’t go into the tennis (with me). I think he respects me more now.”

-- Dina, on the worst tennis-related advice Marat ever gave her.

“The one thing I’ve done better this year is not to treat it as a completely different surface. And that’s totally changed my game-style. I still play the same way as I do on hard courts but I just need to move better, and I have done.”

-- Muzz, on *not* changing his tactics after Key Biscayne

"As world No 1 she's backed it up by winning the last two tournaments, in Rome and Madrid.  She's yet to win a Grand Slam, but she has proved she's the most consistent player out there. She puts herself on the line and you can't really argue with that. If someone competes well at the big tournaments week in and week out then they deserve to be where they are."

-- AKO, on whether her first round opponent deserves the #1 ranking. Pfft.  What does she know?

“I literally just walked out there 10 seconds before I got asked, ‘what do you think of the roof?’ I was like ‘I don’t know.'"

-- Muzz, trying to explain his awesome"it's a nice roof, compared to other roofs" quote.

“Carlos Moya, we all know he was a former No. 1 and winner of his Grand Slam here, he came up to me and said it was the best three-set match that he ever watched on this surface. Of course, all the people that have watched the match and have the opportunity to tell me something, they’ve all been saying positive things and comments regarding that match. So, I must be very proud.”

-- Nole, on the greatest compliment he's received since his 3 set heartbreaker to Rafa in Madrid.

“I feel good, a lot of control, much more control than Madrid. The feeling in Madrid was [that] the ball wasn’t inside the racquet, no? You touch the ball with the racquet and the ball go out of the racquet very fast and very early, no? Here the feeling is the ball stays here [again indicating inside the hitting area of the frame]. You can feel more the ball. But, yeah [the conditions] is heavier, and the ball too. My feeling is easier [for me] to play.”

-- Rafa, on home sweet Paris home.

"I'm not even listening to what people are saying. I'm just focusing on myself, just taking one day at a time. I don't think about what I want to happen in 14, 15 or 16 days' time. I live for today. Today I had a practice. That's all. Tomorrow is another day."

-- Dina, doing her best Scarlett O' Hara impression.

“I still believed in myself. I always worked hard and knew I was on the right path. But having to repeat yourself and explain yourself, wasn’t really fun. Sometimes you almost start to think about it being better not to play a tournament. You just want to train and do things without always being watched.”

-- Fed, doing his best Mr. Cellophane interpretation.

"I prefer shouting"

-- Muzz, on racquet thowing.  Thanks, Captain Obvs.