Forty Deuce

Pic This: I Don't Know What To Say, Really

The caption is, "Serena Williams shows off the contents of her handbag."  Sometimes you just have to admit that you're not up to this level of crazy.

Air Quotes: Are You Sure You're Not Thinking of Another Crazy-Eyed Russian?

          "I play Vera Dushevina next and she’s a good player and she’s been 
           ranked high before."
           -- Serena, claiming to know who Vera Dushevina is. I'm not convinced 
              she doesn't think she's playing Bepa tomorrow.

Hey, Maybe She Means It This Time!

Apparently Serena turned up looking insanely fit, and obviously she absolutely crushed MJMS. As much as I despise Serena, I would be kind of relieved if someone showed up fit and committed to being a constant winning presence on tour, just because it was so tedious to listen to the complaining last year when no one did. And she didn't even threaten to kill anyone this time around! Good work, Serena.

Sydney's cray-cray in general, at least on the women's side. The seeds are either losing or getting pushed hard by much lower ranked players. In fact, only two seeds managed straight set wins in the second round yesterday, Serena and... and...

Uh oh.

Auckland

Singles - First Round
[5] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d [LL] I Cervantes-Huegun (ESP) 62 63
[7] J Monaco (ARG) d H Zeballos (ARG) 63 60
[8] A Montanes (ESP) d [Q] J Lemke (AUS) 61 75
J Isner (USA) d G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 46 76(3) 62
A Clement (FRA) d J Chardy (FRA) 75 64
S Greul (GER) d [Q] P Lorenzi (ITA) 63 63
[Q] M Lammer (SUI) d [Q] D Evans (GBR) 16 62 64
M Gicquel (FRA) d O Rochus (BEL) 63 62
[WC] S Grosjean (FRA) d F Mayer (GER) 63 36 63

Hobart
Singles - Second Round
(1) Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) d. (Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 36 63 61
(4) Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 64 36 62
(7) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 62 61
(8) Gisela Dulko (ARG) d. Tamira Paszek (AUT) 61 06 76(5)

Sydney
Women's Singles - Second Round
(1) Serena Williams (USA) d. María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 61 62
(2) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 75 64
Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) d. (3) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 75 62
(5) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 62 46 62
(6) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. (Q) Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN) 61 57 75
Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Li Na (CHN) 62 76(4)
Aravane Rezai (FRA) d. (Q) Agnes Szavay (HUN) 63 76(5)
(Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. Elena Vesnina (RUS) 63 64

Men's Singles - First Round
E Korolev (KAZ) d [5] S Querrey (USA) 62 57 64
[6] V Troicki (SRB) d F Serra (FRA) 76(5) 64
[8] B Becker (GER) d [Q] J Chela (ARG) 63 63
M Fish (USA) d [WC] C Ball (AUS) 64 76(4)
[WC] P Luczak (AUS) d J Acasuso (ARG) 76(1) 64
J Benneteau (FRA) d D Sela (ISR) 63 61

Pic This: It Just Goes to Show, Money Can't Buy Taste

The Sydney player's party was today, or last night, or possibly three nights from now; I don't know, that time difference is starting to fuck with my mind.

Anyway, a lot of people were there, and most of them looked incredibly special.  

First, I think Lacoste needs to rethink their sizing.  Second, Sam, I'm not saying it's a requirement, I'm just saying... a little effort in the hair and makeup department wouldn't kill you.

Dy-no-MITE!

Virginie apparently came straight from an archeological dig.

I don't have the first fucking clue what's going on here.


Intriguing.  Where, exactly, would one even go about buying those jeans?  Or were they a crafts project she and Dinara worked on in the hotel?

A glitter-free halter jumpsuit.  Well, now I just think I'm being Punk'd.


I think I had a very similar outfit to this the summer I was 12.  Is 1990 back?


Is he auditioning to be the dweeby poor kid in a second edition of Laguna Beach?


Someone's girlfriend needs to do a better job of hiding the hair gel.

So many possible snarks.  Most of which involve the possible proximity of Ernests Gulbis.


Annnnnd... scene.

Shit Steps Up, Y'all

Well, that didn't take long.

Sydney (WTA)
Draw
Top Seeds: Serena, Dinara, Sveta, Caro

Potentially Interesting First Round Matches: Caro/Nails, Bepa/Lena V, Sam/Flava Flav, Vika/Sabine, Kleybs/Sveta, Lena D/Franny, 

700,000% Shitting the Pants Interesting Potential Second Round Match: Justine/Serena

Interesting Questions: What kind of shape is Dinara in?  Since Elena's the defending champion and she's probably not in Sydney yet, did Dinara have to do the draw?  If so, are there pictures and/or video of her drawing Serena and Justine?  How will Justine matchup against a top-10 player?  Will there be a feed for that?  (Please God please God please.)

Serena's Mad. And She's Not Gonna Take It Anymore.

As Victoria mentioned during this week's podcast, Serena made her opinions known regarding her $82,500 fine.  Not sure why she decided to make it at Globalgrind.com, but so be it. 

Here it is:

Hey Guys!

As the world seems to know or for those who don't I want to speak about my recently dubbed "outburst" and how I feel.

I have recently been fined by the Grand Slam Committee of the ITF (International Tennis Federation) over 82 thousand dollars for getting mad and using the "F-bomb" at a line Judge.

To clear things up FIRST I was NOT fined 82 thousand dollars. I was fined 92 thousand dollars! I paid 10 thousand dollars on site immediately after the U. S. Open.  So for the record, I was fined $92,000 not $82,000! The biggest fine EVER in tennis.

Also for all those that don't know, I felt incredibly bad, and miserable for losing my cool, and most importantly not representing the person I really am spiritually and the role model I want to be to my young fans.  I have been a very feisty player all my life, but when the time came for me to be calm and cool, I did not exercise a mild temper. How I regret not being a better role model and person to all of my fans. I apologized to my fans and even wrote a personal letter to the lines woman with my apologies. She understood as she often witnesses this as it is not uncommon in my sport, or any other sport. She was extremely supportive and said that she did not think any further actions should be taken against me.

A few years ago in a most important match being watched my millions; I was blatantly cheated and robbed of a US Open title by yet another official. I was again on the wrong side of not one or two, but several other bad calls. This incident however changed tennis. Because of what was incorrectly done to me, the whole sport of tennis adapted new technology for a player to challenge the calls lines persons make if the player feels they were wronged.  I was expected to take solace in the fact even though I lost the U.S Open title (a dream I've been working for since I was 2 years old).  At least others won't be wronged in the future.  I am always happy for the next person. I always am.  I received apologies from the USTA, the Lines Official, and the Head of the US Open. However I don't recall EVER receiving a note, a phone call, a letter even a text from anyone at the Grand Slam Committee ITF apologizing about the wrong and disastrous call one of THEIR officials made.

When I was a teenager I was booed by an entire packed stadium at Indian Wells. In my new book "On the line" I talk about how I remember crying on every changeover in the towel. Praying and wishing I could lose and the match would just be done with.  When the match was over I thanked the crowd those that cheered for me, and even those that did not. Looking back I am still amazed how I remained so calm and positive, and even managed to come out on top.

The fact is every professional athlete gets wronged in one way or another. And every athlete gets upset. We have been working, sacrificing, missing out on numerous things, things we will never get back or experience for the sake of our careers.  For the sake of that one moment in time where we have a chance to shine through.

Imagine for 20 years working day in, day out, sacrificing on countless things to get this job, that will make all your hard work and endless efforts worthwhile.  Try to imagine having that promotion in one moment being taken away from you because of a slight over sight, by someone overseeing your work.  20 years gone away. Time to start over, dust yourself off and try again. You work harder make positive changes. It happens again. 

"Dust yourself off" you say. "Try again"

You do just that. You work even harder than before, spend longer hours. Then it happens yet again. Another slight oversight.

Well this is what happened to me, and to be honest I believe I reached my boiling point. After yet ANOTHER wrong call I began to wonder- Was I being "overlooked" or wrongly judged on purpose!??? Is this being done to keep me from achieving my best? Why does this keep happening at the same place?
 
Throughout my career I have remained calm. But I guess I finally reached my breaking point. A point I should have never allowed myself to get to.  Everything seemed to have surfaced. As you know, losing my cool cost me over 92 thousand dollars.  92 thousand dollars!  This is more than most people make in a year.  92 thousand dollars!  Answer this: Why is it another player who also lost HIS cool not to a line judge - like I did - but to the main officiating judge- using the same "f word" why was HE only fined 10 thousand dollars.  Was what I did 10 times worse than what he did?!

There is another HE who was fined less than half of what I was fined after someone in his camp actually physically ATTACKED an official!!!!

What about the famous HE who made arguing with officials "cool". Cool for "MEN" I guess.
Is it because they are all HE's and not a SHE like me?

It is indeed a massive difference. Being American I guess the 1st amendment, freedom of speech, does not apply to a SHE in this case?  In any event the Grand Slam Committee, ITF and its staff did not hesitate to call, send a note, text, nor write letters after this incident.  Ironic is it not?

I don't mind being fined. If I did wrong I accept the repercussions. All I ask for is to be treated equal.
 
When I was fined the 92K, I asked to see if I could donate some of it to different schools, and programs I'm involved in.  My request was denied.  So, I decided to match the fine by raising money and donating an additional 92K to my 2nd school that I am opening up in Africa, as well as to schools that I am helping here in the United States.  I also want to educate women about what I learned from this whole experience. How we as women are still treated as less than equal.  I am going to turn this 92K into a positive!!!  And I have decided to call it Serena's 92K mission!!! Go to Serenawilliams.com to learn more about my 92K mission.

Serena needed to vent.  That's fine.  And yes, there is merit to some of the comparisons she's making with the guys.  But you'll have to excuse me if I don't feel sorry for Serena being fined $92k when she made over $24 million dollars this year.  As Matt Cronin pointed out, Jeff Tarango's fine as a result of arguing with an umpire and defaulting a match was a greater percentage of his annual earnings than hers.  And, in case she forgets, he was subsequently banned from Wimbledon.  So it's not like he got off easy.

As for her comparison to other male players' behavior being tolerated, yes, I think there is truth to that and an element of sexism does exist.  But again, she brandished her racquet at a line judge and threatened physical violence.  That is a far cry from Fed dropping the "F-bomb" in a discussion with the umpire, A-Rod telling an umpire to speak English, or Marat screaming and yelling.  If she can't see the difference there, I don't know what to tell her.  The fact that she thinks that she was fined for "getting mad and using the "F-bomb" at a line Judge" shows her lack of understanding of what she did.

You did not get fined for losing your temper, Serena.  And you did not get fined for saying "fuck".  You got fined for brandishing your racquet at the line judge and telling her that you would shove a tennis ball down her throat.  And you swore to God that you would.  Last time I checked, you were a Jehovah's Witness.  So...that last part had to mean something, no?

Serena Loves Green Day, Y'all

This is actually pretty adorable. I'm all for people going crazy at concerts and really enjoying their favorite band. That said, does anyone know if Serena's like, an actual fan of Green Day? Like, Dookie Green Day? Or is she late to the game and all about American Idiot Green Day?

Cash, Check, or Charge?

Hey, remember that time when Serena yelled at a line judge?  Yeah, me neither.

But whatever she did, swift action has been taken by the ITF, which announced yesterday that they were putting her on 2-year probation.  What the hell does it mean to be on probation?  Basically, if she commits another major offense in the next two years then she'll be suspended (yeah right) and fined a minimum of $175,000.  Alternatively, if she stays out of trouble, then the fine is only $82,500.

So to wrap it up, no suspension, no million dollar fine, no forfeit of her USO prize money ($350,000), no...anything, really.  Which is pretty much what we all figured would happen.

Spreadin' The Word.

I don't think she means getting together and listening to Blue Monday.

Context: In case you missed it, Britney's Twitter was hacked and she sent out messages saying she worshipped Satan. 

Idiots.

According to reports, Serena and Caro are planning to play an exhibition in Barbados at the end of the month.  Yes, this is the same Caro who retired from her match against Serena a week ago due to injury, played more matches than anyone on the tour, and who Stacey Allaster has picked out as someone who should reevaluate her schedule next year.  And a Serena who is already hobbled and refused to play Fed Cup this week.

I have nothing.  I'm speechless.

Center Stage

Just how Serena's always wanted it.

So Serena wins Doha, captures the year-end #1 (which, as we learned last year, is the only #1 ranking that matters), and rides off into the sunset.  The sunset that is not anywhere near Italy, mind you.

Congrats, Serena.  You have what is rightfully yours.  Can't wait for next year when everyone comes back gunning for you.  Should be fun.

All in all, it was a good Doha.  Really inspired performances from the young guns, Sveta, Lena, and Agi had some nice wins to build on, Venus defended a lot of her points, JJ made the semis (somehow), and Dina and Bepa...were there.

Air Quotes: Are You On It Right Now? You Can't Say No, You Wouldn't Know.

"I don't even know what crystal meth is so, you know, that's what my reaction to it is. I haven't read anything about Andre Agassi's book. All I know is that I have a book coming out."

-- Serena, on being asked for her thoughts on Andre's meth revelation.

3-0

Good on Serena for proving me wrong and playing like the world #1 that she is.  I wouldn't have faulted her for bailing on this match mentally, but she stayed quietly focused and deliberate with her play.  I was intense and methodical.  And when Serena is calm, intense, and methodical, she's scary good.

So Serena is the first to confirm her place in the semis.  Elena, at 1-1, is still in the running.  Serena also remains undefeated which might help her earn some extra cash (there's bonus money if you go undefeated). 

I mean, I can't possibly think what she might need some cash for...

Air Quotes: Diplomatic Immunity

"Serena is a terrific ambassador for our sport."

-- Stacey Allaster, in her statement congratulating Serena on her year-end #1 ranking.

Here's the thing Stacey.  I'm totally ok with moving on.  But if you're going to say crazy things like that, I have no choice.

Scripted.

But not in the way you'd think.

Those conspiracy theorists out there would probably assume that after Venus won the first set that Serena would kind of roll over and let her sister win.  I mean, a win by Serena would pretty much ensure her spot in the semis but eliminate Venus from the tourney. 

But as I said yesterday, how many times have we seen Venus take the first set only to lose?  Well it happened for the second straight day, as she would drop the second and third sets.  For the most part neither sister was able to play well at the same time, save for the very end of the third set, when all of a sudden things got really good.  And I was reminded in this match that when Venus is playing well she's really fun to watch on hard courts.  So graceful.

But anyway, Serena pretty much secures her spot out of the Maroon group and she gets the #1 ranking. 

So drink it up (Lachaim!).

Well Look Who Came To Play

Serena scored a very solid 76 75 win over Sveta, saving numerous set points and generally playing from behind for most of the match.  This match was a good barometer for where Serena's head is at, as she had a number of opportunities to just let up a little bit and lose the match.  But she remained focused and intense and she really made Sveta work for it.  And in the end, Sveta reminded us that she's Russian.  So she did what Russians do.

And so Serena plays Venus tomorrow (er...today) in a must-win match for Venus.  We'll see how Serena recovers.  She's got tape for her left knee and she rolled her right ankle in the first set tiebreak today.  Sveta gets a day off and will play Lena (I think) on Thursday.

Is Klara Zakopalova Italian? Even 1/15th?

 

Serena "confirmed" that she's planning to play Fed Cup.  I use quotes because, well, Serena says a lot of things.  I'll believe it when she actually serves a ball in Italy.

I stumbled on this quote by an Italian journalist on the Fed Cup site:

The Italian media made the most of Pennetta getting to the top 10 in August, though a few experienced tennis watchers felt the adulation was a little excessive.  “It was presented as the biggest thing for our tennis,” says the veteran Italian tennis journalist and commentator Rino Tommasi, “which is very stupid. We have been a bit lucky in Fed Cup, and our men players are so terrible at the moment that it makes the women’s achievements seem bigger than they are. I think it makes people think we can beat the USA, but if Serena plays, it could be decided for the Americans before the doubles.”

Uh, sexist much?  Whatever, Rolo Tomassi.  You're probably not even real.

I find it a little interesting that Serena is "committing" to Fed Cup given the fact that (1) her leg is taped up and (2) it's being played on clay.  That's a lot of grind on a body that's already had a tough year. 

Where The Wild Things Are

So here we are.  I can't tell if I'm excited for Doha or excited for the season to be over.

That's a lie.  It's the latter.

But it does give us one last chance to get some giggles in as the ladies glam up and strut.

"We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, it'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end"

You know, or not.

"If you can see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along
why can't you seeeeeee, you belong with meeeeeee."

Pretty dress.  But I like my JJ flatironed, thank you very much.

Damn, girl.  I can't even snark on this.

"Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama."

 
"Can you hear me now?  Bet on the *other* girl."

Ok, first, you look great.  Really. 

Second, I will punch you in the face. 

Third, wear a push up bra if you want to get some heft in your chest, not a crooked bow. 

First look at the mirror today, ReRe? 

Looks like the girls did a number on you in your sleep during WTA Sleepover 09. 

Word of advice?  Never go to sleep before Sveta.  Never.

Cheeky British Humor

Ahem. 

So this pic pretty much sums up my impression of the Wimbledon Museum. 

It was unintentionally hilarious.

 

Another gem, which, when you pull back, reveals a third bunny:

 

Random?  Yes.  Awesome?  Absolutely.

 

The Champions display is right when you get to the bottom of the stairs.  I saw this.  I laughed quite hard.  I may have said, "They have the fuckin' Sergeant Pepper jacket???" a little too loud.  I really shouldn't drink before noon.

Fed shoes.

 

Dick shoes.

Muzz's shorts.  Unfortunately I left my glass cutter at the flat. 

Not gonna lie.  Wanted to smell them.

DG kept pointing out ugly pictures of Muzz in the Wimbly Store and asking, "Really, dude?  This guy?"

Yes, dude.  That guy.  To quote Brodie, "I would."

Nice that they gave Lena D some love.  This was her semifinal outfit. 

In a rather impossible feat, it looks even cheaper in person.

 

Billy Jean King and Rod Laver's racquets.  Seemed like something I should geek out at. 

Ashamed to admit I did not. 

There was actually quite a bit of historical stuff about the evolution of lawn tennis.  Here's my problem though: I actually kind of hate grass court tennis.  So it was difficult to actually care.  Also, the whole grass thing seems elitist and Victorian.  As you all know, I am a woman of the people.  It was hard not to roll my eyes at some of the displays.

Enjoyed seeing the white balls though.  Mainly because I like white balls.

Movingrightalong...

 

I was very confused by this.

 

Donkeygrooming found this one.  Shirtless Marat?  Wimbly knows what's up.

 

And in the most random pairing of players on the wall....

All in all it was a fun to see the museum but I wouldn't pay separately to see the stuff that was there.  If you book a tour then the museum admission is included.  One thing that surprised me: How little was made of the GMOAT.  I hope that's because they're trying to figure out how to best commemorate the match.  It would have been really cool to see the grass/dirt stained shirt Rafa wore when he fell to the ground.  Or even some video with commentary.  

Then again, maybe that's not Wimbledon's style.  It's clear from the tour and the museum that they want to focus on the full narrative of Wimbledon and not just singular moments. 

Oh Dear Holy Jesus

Are you fucking kidding me?  Guess who's going to be #1 the week of YEC??

 

Yeah, me too.

Last year's YEC points will come off the Monday of this year's YEC, so Dinara will be 155 points ahead of Serena and back in #1.  Luckily, Round Robin match wins are worth 160 points, so it won't last long.  Maybe I'll take a "one more for the road" attitude towards this.  It was, uh, fun while it lasted?

Knockout

Oh, Nads.  You badass motherfucker.

In what sounded like a pretty epic match, Nads took out current world #2, soon to be world #1, but really was always the real #1, Serena, 64 36 76 (5).  Nads served 14 aces for the match, which was pretty huge.  Here's the AP's description of the match:

The 28-year-old Williams looked lethargic in the first set, with her ground strokes sailing long and her serve broken twice to hand the 27-year-old Russian the early lead.

But the American bounced back in the second, putting a bit more pace on her shots and dictating play from the backcourt to gain a break late in the set and even the match.

In the deciding third set, Williams missed a golden opportunity to pull ahead at 4-4, blowing three break points on Petrova's serve. But she cranked up her serve to send it to a tiebreak.

Petrova took an early 5-2 lead, but Williams battled back one final time before the Russian could close it out.

Apparently there was some controversy at the end regarding a line call but I don't really know what happened there.  What I *do* know is what Serena said after the match:

"I ran into a girl today that has never played so good in her whole life...."

"I can be No. 1 for a week on this tour, but it doesn't matter how many Grand Slams you win. It's more about how many Grand Slams you don't win. My goal is just to do well in Doha."

To quote a certain Russian Siberian Bitch, "Shocking. Shocking she said that."

Also, since the fuck when did Serena give a shit about doing well in Doha?

Well I Guess You Give Me No Choice But To Look At Your Titles.

Serena dons the cover of ESPN the Mag, sans clothes. 

I will say that I've always liked the fact that Serena brought a different athletic body type to the game.  I don't find her particularly graceful, a la Venus, but that is 5'9'' of raw power.  And credit to her, she makes it work.

Air Quotes: Selective Memory

 

“I just played consistent for all the year."

Don't get me wrong, Serena deserves the ranking.  Just like Dinara deserved it.  But Serena, this could have all been avoided if you actually *did* play consistently all year.

It Is Finished.

And all is right with the world. 

 
Now, go get her, ladies.

Pic This: Around Beijing

Big Sasha!

Sigh....

Here's the thing.  For the longest time all the stories coming out about Ivo were about how fucking shy he was.  Yet all that I can remember of him for the past year is booty slapping dances, explicit rapping, and pics like this.  Shy people don't do that shit, yo.

 

Love her.

 

Pinky.

 

In Mother Russia, pink wears you.

UPDATED: "Is this a bad time?"

No words. None.

I think Serena would have been better cast in an Annuale commercial:

The One. The Only. Serena.

In case you missed the pretty hilarious news, Serena's going to featured in a Tampax tampon campaign.  Apparently the ads were in the works before her totally non-PMSy outburst at the USO.  I mean, there's *no way* anyone could crack a PMS joke there, could they?  Could they?

God, I would have loved to have been in the conference room with the ad guys when Serena went all mensal.  Either it was the best thing that could have happened to them, or the worse.  Either way, it's the joke that just keeps on giving.

"I will shove this fucking tampon up your fucking vag!  I swear to God!  You do not know me."  Classic.

Pic This: Back. Away. Slowly.

She will fucking shove them down your fucking throat, Donnie. 

Swear to God.  You do not know her.

That Sound You Hear.

Is the sound of Serena's sponsors' sabers rattling at 9am this morning.

Serena's new and improved "amended" statement:

Hey guys!!!

I want to amend my press statement of yesterday, and want to make it clear as possible - I want to sincerely apologize FIRST to the lines woman, Kim Clijsters, the USTA, and tennis fans everywhere for my inappropriate outburst.  I'm a woman of great pride, faith and integrity, and I admit when I'm wrong.

I need to make it clear to all young people that I handled myself inappropriately and it's not the way to act -- win or lose, good call or bad call in any sport, in any manner.

I like to lead by example. We all learn from experiences both good and bad.  I will learn and grow from this, and be a better person as a result.

Xxxx,

S

Nice to see you've really taken the time to think about this whole situation and let people move on.  Oh, except that there's no reason you couldn't have said this yesterday, you know, before the women's final was played so that we could all move on and simply celebrate the good stuff that came out of the USO.

Get.  Out.  Of the spotlight.  It's tacky as fuck.

In case you missed it, here was her original statement:

“Last night everyone could truly see the passion I have for my job.  Now that I have had time to gain my composure, I can see that while I don’t agree with the unfair line call, in the heat of battle I let my passion and emotion get the better of me and as a result handled the situation poorly. I would like to thank my fans and supporters for understanding that I am human and I look forward to continuing the journey, both professionally and personally, with you all as I move forward and grow from this experience.”

Can't wait to see Kanye's amended apology in about, oh, 16 hours.

Contrition. Look It Up.

Serena's official statement:

“Last night everyone could truly see the passion I have for my job.  Now that I have had time to gain my composure, I can see that while I don’t agree with the unfair line call, in the heat of battle I let my passion and emotion get the better of me and as a result handled the situation poorly. I would like to thank my fans and supporters for understanding that I am human and I look forward to continuing the journey, both professionally and personally, with you all as I move forward and grow from this experience.”

Is that supposed to be an apology?  I fully expected Serena to come out today and issue an apology.  This, combined with the pithy $10.5k fires me up.  I'm ready to move on but Jesus, your brand of crazy is something else, Serna.

I shall be returning my 46 copies of "On The Line" forthwith.

Oh, and here's the WTA's statement:

Serena Williams’ conduct last night was inappropriate and unprofessional.  No matter what the circumstances, no player should be allowed to engage in such behavior without suffering consequences.  I have spoken with the USTA about this matter and I agree with the action they have taken.

Serena is a great player who has done so much for our sport and I am certain she will continue to be a role model to millions of young women who want to play the game and excel as Serena has done.  As a role model, it's important for a leader like Serena to step forward and recognize her behavior last night was unacceptable, and I believe that her statement earlier today is an acknowledgement of her responsibility to her fans.

Gottta love how carefully worded that statement is.  Serena has no responsibility to her fans.  That's just stupid and completely irrelevant that she "acknowledged" whatever it is that's supposed to be.  What she does have is a responsibility to the sport she plays and to others involved in it.  She owes an apology to the lineswoman, plain and simple.  It's a damn shame that she doesn't seem to want to acknowledge that.

Pic This: Still Flossing The Fuzz From My Teeth

To answer your question, no, that was not me.

 

Wha happen?

 

Sigh.  If only Serena listened.

You're cute.

 

Rough night.

 

It's ok, honey.  Have a danish.

Adorable little bumblebee.

 

Nice crowd.

The beginning of the end.

 

Va.  Mos.

Air Quotes: Lost In All This.

"I think Kim played a wonderful match, and I think I played good, too.  I think I could have played better, and I actually feel like I can go home and I can actually do better, which I'm really excited about. There's someone out there that makes me want to go home and makes me want to work out and makes me want to run and do better. I can't wait to do that.''

The Tirade

Not that it makes a difference, but to me, it's the racquet and the pointing that make this a big deal. It's on Serena, for sure. She flew off the handle and the umpire had every right to assess the penalty. I just think it's unfortunate that she did. And for the record, I don't think Alison Lange, Lynn Welch, or Eva Asderaki call this penalty.

What. The. Hell.

So...I've been away from the computer all day and I'm not entirely sure I understand what the hell happened today.  Clearly no one told Gonzo that his match was on today and he barely showed up in the 30 minutes it took him to lose 4 straight points in the tiebreak and get bageled in the third.  

And then this: Serving at 15-30, 5-6 in the second, Serena apparently foot faults on second serve to go 15-40.  She berates the linejudge, waving her racquet at her and saying, apparently, "I will shove this ball down your fucking throat".  The umpire summons the linejudge to talk about what happened, and as a result, gives Serena her second unsportsmanlike conduct warning, which leads to a point penalty.  On match point.

Jigga what?  It's unclear whether Serena foot faulted.  As for the point penalty for what she said, I don't know.  I just don't think in a tight significant match like this an umpire should issue a point penalty on match point.  I totally think Serena was out of line, and I think it was more the gesturing with the racquet, rather than the actual words that were said, that got her in trouble.  This is where umpire discretion comes in.  This wasn't, as far as I know, a mandatory warning, a la busting a racquet.  This is the soccer equivalent to not calling a penalty in the box during overtime unless it's an absolutely egregious foul.

Of course, I haven't seen the match yet so this isn't based on much.  Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Serna Wns!

64 63 over Flavs. 

She served really well and Flavia looked like that three setter the other day left her tank a bit empty.  But credit to Serena.  She looked untouchable.

 

A nice tournament from Flavia.  She'll get some bonus money from the USO series and hopefully she walks away with more fans.  She is awesome and she deserves it.

 

Delicous.

Don't Worry, Dinara, It'll All Be Over Soon.

The WTA has confirmed that if Serena makes the final she'll become #1 a week after the Open. 

I find it a little odd that I read this yesterday, yet James Martin, Editor in Chief of Tennis Magazine just tweeted this: "If Serena wins the Open, she'll still be ranked No. 2. Can someone explain this to me?"

Pic This: Why Is Nike Letting Serena Spell Out Her Own Shirts?

(Image from Buzzfeed)

Pic This: Hangover Edition

A lovely lazy Saturday morning.  I actually wish I could say I was hungover.  Then I'd have an better excuse than normal to lie on the couch under a blanket and watch tennis all day.

Nice run by Dani into the Round of 16.  I hope she's happy.

Yes, you have long limbs.  We get it.

The magic Comp Kit runs out of gas.  But a fantastic run for MaKiri.

Flying Jo.

10% pasta, 90% win.

Pic This: "She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends."

Pic This: Muggy

Day 3 is in the books and the first rounds on both sides are complete.  

Hike up your socks, folks, it's just getting interesting.

Surrealism.

Still the best hair in tennis.

The WAGs are out in full force.

Happy and no headlights.  Win.

Ladies First

Darth Fed took the court first tonight, the first time the men have kicked off the USO night session in 22 years.  It was, I'm sure, beautiful tennis and he won in straight sets.  To Simon Greul's credit, he fought hard and gave Fed a bit of a challenge, pushing him to 75 75 in the last two sets.  So good on Greul.

Serena rolled in the chaser, finishing off Ivanovic Slayer (though really, who isn't one these days) Melinda Czink, 61 61.  So all is right in the world as the two #1s cruised.

Air Quotes: She's Only Pimping Because We Ask, You Guys.

Choice quotage from Monday, all available at the USO site.  Here's hoping they start posting a more diverse set of players.  Sheesh.

Q. You were having some problems with your serve. Commentators started talking about serving in women's tennis. One of them said the person who serves best will win the tournament. Do you agree with that?

VENUS WILLIAMS: I don't know. I don't care what commentators say. So it's just all, you know, like they aren't on the court winning championships. I don't really... Yeah.

...
Q. You showed a lot of support for Gasquet when he was suspended. He says he appreciates that very much from you. Can you talk about the reason, what went through your mind? You showed so much support for him.

RAFAEL NADAL: The true is I support him a lot. First thing, because I believe in him. Second thing, because I think he's a very nice guy. I know him since 13 years old or 12 years old. I talk with him what happen. He told me he didn't take nothing. So I believe him 100%, and I think you know, it is open. I don't want to speak a lot about that and a lot of history is out about when I speak about that, but it's not 100% perfect sometime. If someone wants to kill you, somebody can kill you, you know? And you didn't do nothing. That's the true, no? That's my feeling what happened with Richard, and of course they say that, no? He won. In the beginning, it was three years, and then it was three years because he didn't take nothing. So I'm very happy for that, and I am sure a lot of players are very happy for Richard.
...

Q. Anything special about the jewelry you're wearing for this tournament?
SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, I'm wearing my whole collection from the Serena Williams, Signature Statement, which is available on HSN, which I'm really (laughter.) I'm sorry, but he asked, so...
I'm really excited about it because I love jewelry, and I think people really know me for jewelry. It will be available starting September 19.

Q. If you were writing the story about the 2009 US Open women's draw, what would be your lead?
SERENA WILLIAMS: Oh, what would be my lead? Are you trying to get this for your story? (laughter.)
Just making sure. Well, Serena's back where she belongs. 

...

THE MODERATOR: Roger today became the first player to win $50 million in prize money, just to let you know.
ROGER FEDERER: No need to write about that. (Laughter.)

...

Q. How did you injure your ear?
ANDY RODDICK: I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea.

Q. Come on, tell the truth.
ANDY RODDICK: No, I have no idea. I didn't go out there with it like that, I don't think. And then, I don't know, I saw like blood on my towel. I was looking around like this. No idea.

Q. Possible shaving accident?
ANDY RODDICK: No. My ears aren't actually that hairy.

Stop Encouraging This, Nike.

I guess it's not a monogram, but....

Serena's through in just over an hour over a hobbled Alexa Glatch, 64 61.

And yes, she pimped her book which drops tomorrow during her on-court interview.

Air Quotes: I Can Link To It If You Want.

Q. After you won Wimbledon you spoke very entertainingly about the No. 1 ranking and what your thoughts were about it. After this summer with Dinara still at No. 1, what are your thoughts about the No. 1 ranking?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I don't talk about that anymore. I'm sorry.

Q. How come?
SERENA WILLIAMS: I've talked about it a lot, and if you want to read some answers that I said, you know, you can, but I think we should talk about something else. It's more exciting, more new.

Q. Do you have regrets about what you said after the Wimbledon victory?
SERENA WILLIAMS: What? I mean, I'm very excited to have won Wimbledon, Australia and this tournament last year, so I have no -- I don't live with regret. Do you? (laughter.)

Q. Sometimes.
SERENA WILLIAMS: I try not to. You shouldn't. (laughter.)

Any other questions that's not about No. 1?

(Source)

For The Kids.

The big money stars came out to entertain the kids on a wet Arthur Ashe Kids Day.  And it looked like good times were had by all, even that unidentifiable popped-collar-dbag on the the left.

It's always something, with Serena, no?  She was a born entertainer.

The look of shock and confusion is pretty great.

And the looks didn't really change for Serena either.

One of these things is awesome.  And one of these things is James Blake.

And based on Andy's reaction here, I think you know which is which.

My Name Is Serena. I Like To Dance.

I love, LOVE, how awkward Venus looks.

Whatever, though. They still don't have the fire that Nathaniel has:

Anyone For Tennis?

Cuz clearly the pros are vacation in NYC. 

A-Rod's off doing some cross training at Yankee stadium.

Venus is busy stimulating the economy...

...and going on cruises.

Masha's off celebrating the other Serena's 22nd birthday...

...and 's dorking it up while schilling her wares. 

(The jury's out on the "comfortability" of the Cole Haan gear.)

Serena's going all retro and getting oiled up...wait a sec...

Well, of course.  I mean, duh.

And then everyone and their mother showed up to the BNP Paribas Taste of Tennis event as if it were a free buffet.  Even the Daveed's sensitive soul couldnt say no to that.  But trust me, he was way emo about it.  Well, or whatever the Spanish equivalent to emo is.

Thankfully Marin actually did show up and dear God I hope he did treat it like a buffet.

Andy broke out his evening hat and manned the bar.  You know, like a good Austin boy would.

Shit, even Bepa showed up.  BEPA!!!  That's how crazy this is!  And dudes!  She even went to the K Swiss event!  Dammit, now I want to just do Patron shots with her.  And that's saying something.  Because I feel about Patron the way Bepa feels about her racquets.

Does *anyone* want to play tennis? 

Let's face it, when Bepa is the only Russian at your cocktail party, something's gone horribly awry.  Unless it's like...a U.N. peacekeeping envoy cocktail party, in which case, you better get ready for a shot of peace with a harmony chaser.

But seriously, where are the Serbs in all this?  You're telling me a party was thrown and Ana wasn't the guest of honor, Nole wasn't invited, and JJ didn't crash it?  What is this world?  And where the fuck are Marat and Dina?  My head hurts.

Please, Clarissa.  Explain it all.

Oh, and Blah put on a suit and signed some books somewhere.

Adventureland

Serena at a carnival. It's pretty much what you'd expect.

And while I have your attention, do yourself a favor this weekend and go buy/rent/download Adventureland.  Two words: Martin Starr.  You're welcome.

"I'm just a boy with a new haircut, and that's a pretty nice hair cut..."

Rafa and the Nike crew took over the NYC streets to show of their kits (apparently that's the thing these days)...

...and do some giggles. 

And he was luscious.

I'm really loving the colors that Nike worked out for these two. 

They both look fresh and the colors totally pop.

Serena's legs compared to Rafa's.  Wow.

"I just flew in from Cincinnati and boy are my arms tired!"

LOVE this shot.  The two faces of Rafa.

Damn.  Myla's getting HUGE.

Party In The USA

Well look at that.  Tennis being played right in front of my firm's NYC office.  How nice.

 

Lots of folks were on hand for the DirectTV ESPN promotional event, which saw a bunch of players showing off their USO kits.  Basically its a whole lotta color.  And James Blake.  Ironically.

Oh, old people.  You're adorable.

"I'm out of Wrists Assists!"

What, no pink socks to finish off the racquet/kit coordinating ensemble? 

YOU'RE HORRIBLE.

Class.

zzzzzzzz....