Forty Deuce

Air Quotes: The Last Laugh

Q. You talk about passing Billie Jean. Looking at the names ahead of you, do you ever take a look at that and say, Wow?

SERENA WILLIAMS: No. I mean, I know Martina and I guess five other people are ahead of me. I didn't even know I was six on the list or seven or whatnot. I'm telling you, I don't think about that kind of stuff.

My thing is I love my dogs; I love my family; I love going to the movies; I love reading; I love going shopping. Like it's not on my list to be, you know, this.

At the end of the day, I would love to open more schools in Africa or in the United States, and I would love to help people. I would like to be remembered, Okay, yeah, she was a tennis player, but, wow, she really did a lot to inspire other people and help other people.

That's what I think about, not about Serena Williams won X amount of Grand Slams.

Q. Is there a chance you'll still be playing at 38, do you think?

SERENA WILLIAMS: 38?

Q. Yeah.

SERENA WILLIAMS: If I am, I want you to personally take me off and escort me off the court. There's no way I need to be out here at 38.

Q. Looked like you held up some fingers shortly after the match, pointing towards your family. What was that?

SERENA WILLIAMS: That was 13. I did 10 and 3. Then I thought, I hope I got the number right. You know me, I tend to forget (laughter).

Q. In some way do you take in some pride that not only the USTA apologized to you, but it really did lead to Hawk‑Eye and your getting messed over that night led to a huge change in our game?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Could that have been 14? That could have been 14 today.

Man, yeah. Like, I don't know. I just feel like if it's yours, if it's your point, if it's your goal, it belongs to you. It doesn't belong to the other person. Now that it's 2010, about to be 2011, I guess on other planets they have way more sophisticated things, so...

Pic This: Just Did It.

I wish they would have spelled it "surafaces".  Just to be accurate.

Smash and Grab.

It was over in a little over an hour, and in the end it was nothing surprising.  Serena successfully defended her title, passed BJK in the all time slam list, and reaffirmed her status as the top dog in women's tennis.  Not that anyone needed any reminding.

The story of her run is in one single record-breaking stat: 89 aces.  89 aces in 14 sets.  Want some perspective?  Here you go:  If you take Isner and Mahut out of it, only three men served more aces than Serena for the tournament: A-Rod, Jo, and Tomas.  She served more aces for the tournament than Fed, Rafa, Sod, and Novak, and the same number as Muzz.  She served *69* more aces than the next woman on the stat sheet, Venus.

With those stats it didn't matter who was across the net today.  Sorry, Bepa.  I'm sure Sergey knows a few different ways to cheer you up.  Dropping trou is Step 1.

Must be the Gatorade.

 

Either way, unbeatable.

The Sun Also Rises.

And so it goes.  Serena weathered the storm and finished up Petra to keep her defending campaign going and save NBC from swearing off tennis forever.  So...thanks?

Nice run, Petra.  I've never been a fan but I've always been scared whenever you play one of my faves.  The flat groundies and big serve concern me in a Kleybs/Kaia kind of way.  I wish I could get on your train but I simply cannot abide that chihuahua-yelp.  I mean, really, what the fuck is that?

Make It A Rivalry.

I think we can all agree that Serena's playing out of her mind so far.  Her serving has been off the hook.  So all credit to Masha for bringing it on Monday, when they had to, unfortunately, class in the round of 16.  It was a 16R match that seemed unfair from the draw gods, but thankfully they played a match that would have been worth of a final. 

From Masha's perspective, my takeaway was this: You're not there yet.  But you're not that far off, either.  Had Masha been on the opposite side of the draw, her current form could have seen her in the final.  She served well, was smacking the cover off the ball, and, in a great sight, looked to get to the net.  During the tournament she said that playing with the intent of getting to the net helped her hit the ball with more conviction and added an overall aggressive mindset to her game.  I thought that was really evident in her play here.

So credit to both Maria and Serena for giving us a great match.  Because for all the drama that we've seen on the WTA side of the draw, I can't say that we've seen that high of quality tennis. 

Loved this from Masha before her match with Serena:

Q. Could you talk about a big rivalry match like this and how it compares to a standard or regular match? When you know you're going up against a big rival, do you like it? Do you find yourself more engaged? Does it change your preparation in any way?

MARIA SHARAPOVA: Yeah, you know, I'd call it a rivalry when I win a few more against her (laughter). I mean, I've lost the last few.

Do your part, Mash.  Make it happen.  Tennis needs it.

Air Quotes: :) :( ;)

Q. Your bow had a lot of rhythm to it, tremendous depth. Some critics thought it might be a tad overproduced. Can you analyze it?

SERENA WILLIAMS: My bow didn't go the way I wanted. I didn't get my wrist action that I thought I would have, and then I got nervous. So my knee kind of got tight, and I felt a lot of pain in my left knee, so I couldn't get as low as I wanted to.

Q. So you're blaming your injuries?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I'm going to blame my injury.

...

Q. Yesterday Venus told me your curtsy was unreal. She also said you'd beat her in a curtsy‑off. Do you think there was too much hype for your curtsy?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah, it was definitely too much hype. I feel like I had the number one curtsy and then I just got nervous. Next time I'll have to take more Advil.

I definitely handle pressure way better on the court than off. No comparison.

...

Q. How did you find playing on Court 2?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I have mixed feelings about that. You know, I don't think I should be out there. But in a way, I feel like, you know, with my popularity, it's cool to see ‑‑ when I was leaving, I stayed for a while, and I signed tons of autographs. A lot of these people can't get into the Centre Court and stuff.

Other than that, that definitely made up for it, to see fans I wouldn't normally see.

...

Q. You talked in Paris about the strings you're using, giving you more spin. Do you feel the same kind of effect here on the grass with the ball?

RAFAEL NADAL: Well, always the same, no? The string can help you, but you are the person, you are the player, not the string. You play; the string doesn't play. That's my feeling.

Sure, the string can help you for moments, for maybe the string is better than the other one because give me the chance to feel the ball more time inside the racquet. That's give me a little bit more control. But that's my feeling, that you are the person. You lose, you win, not the string. 

...

Q. How did you feel when you woke up this morning physically? What did you do to prepare for this afternoon's match? Did you weigh yourself today and whether you lost any weight?

JOHN ISNER: I actually haven't weighed. I told myself I wanted to do that. When I go back to the locker room, I will.

But I'm one of the heaviest guys actually, I am the heaviest guy on the tour. I have a little bit of excess in the stomach area (smiling). I knew that was going to come in handy one day. It was kind of the reserve tank.

It's not that I eat unhealthy. I work hard. I just can't get rid of it.

Q. Is it still there?

JOHN ISNER: Yeah. It went down a little bit, I think (smiling).

...

Q. After shedding so much weight in the last 24 hours, do you think you would make a good face of Weight Watchers in America?

JOHN ISNER: I guess. It's not like I'm a heifer or anything (laughter). Maybe.

...

"And You Are..."

Before she sat to look ever so disapprovingly at Muzzard, the Queen Bee herself greeted some of the world's top ballers.

She also said hi to the English ones.

 

Martina totally fangirled during Wimbledon Primetime about the meeting.

 

"Sluts."

 

I don't know why Caroline is wearing what she's wearing.  And neither does JJ.

Nice to see Nole went business casual for the session.  Andy clearly thought he was going to the Kentucky Derby.  You can't blame him.  The Queen is rocking a pretty amazing hat.

Also, he'll show you to your table, now.

"1, 2, 3, 4, I declare thumb war!"

Still think this was a lost opportunity.

Show off.

 

"Was I too extreme?"

Nice to see all the players so excited about meeting the Queen.  It was cute. 

Pic This: Day 2

 

Round 1 is done (almost) and 64 players are drowing their sorrows in champs and berries. 

In the grand scheme of things, that doesn't suck.

I just really dig that dress on Dani.  Way to save Adidas, girl.

 

Yeah, you fuck that air, Daveed.  Vamos!

The Architect Of My Discontent.  Like, 15 times over.

Aw, shit.  Game on. 

And by "Game On" I mean, "I'm leaving Wimbledon drunk, poor, and working off my debt owed to Pimmy by doing things that I dare not write on a blog that my parents read."

Air Quotes: Strawberries, Sasha, and Sam.

 

Q. How difficult was it to play someone that played a lot of grass court tennis lately?

SAMANTHA STOSUR: She's a quality opponent. She has been ranked a lot higher than what she is. For whatever reason, she slipped back. She's definitely played a lot of matches recently as well. She qualified at the French as well as here and been playing well.

So, you know, it wasn't an easy first round by any means.

Q. If someone came to you before the clay season started and said, Here is the deal, you'll get to the Roland Garros final but out first round of Wimbledon, what would you say?

SAMANTHA STOSUR: Uhm, well, I guess you'd kind of be happy, but also you'd hope to do better here. Yeah, that is what happened. I guess looking at it, the whole picture, I've got to be very happy with what I have achieved over the last few months.

I would have loved to have done better here, but it wasn't to be. But I'm definitely going to look at the last few weeks and go home pretty happy.

Q. Francesca also lost. Is it kind of hard going from this huge moment of high pressure, the great run, to crank it up all again a couple weeks later?

SAMANTHA STOSUR: Yeah, for sure it's difficult. But, uhm, you know, that's the way it is. The champions of the game can do it back to back. And I guess that's the kind of pedestal that you want to try to look up to and try to get to yourself.

Yeah, neither of us had made it that far at the French and then had to turn it around in such a quick time frame.

You know, that's the way it is. You have to deal with that, try and cope as best you can.

...

Q. Can you talk us through your outfit today.

SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, we dubbed it Strawberries and Cream. Strawberries, is that the correct enunciation of it? I don't have a good British accent. The red is strawberries and the white is cream. It's not like a pure white; it's more of a cream. Also the red kind of symbolizes a lot of things I do in Africa, along with a lot of the work, like the red laces. Everybody that buys a pair can pretty much save a life in Africa.

I really kind of wanted to tie that all together with this championship. Since it means so much to me, I thought it could work well. The tournament means so much to me as well as the things I do in Africa. I thought it could also work well together.

Q. Your nails look good today.

SERENA WILLIAMS: They have strawberries on them, too. If I would have thought about it, I would have put a strawberry instead of a heart. They're hearts. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. I could have had a strawberry.

...

Q. What are your thoughts about Thursday with the Queen's visit and how are your curtsy practices going?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I was going to curtsy today on the court afterwards, but I think I flubbed it. So I'm definitely going to work on it a little more. I'm trying to tone down my wrist action (laughter).

But my curtsy is really fun. It's something that she'll definitely never forget, if I ever even get a chance to meet her.

No, we really don't do that so much in the United States, so I'm really working hard on it.

...

Q. Going back to the Queen, quite a lot made of a suggestion you might not bow to her on Thursday. Can you tell us about how you're feeling meeting her, if you will bow, and what you might say if you meet her?

ANDY MURRAY: I don't know what I'll say exactly. I'll probably be a little bit nervous, understandably. I guess I don't want to mess up at all.

But, yeah, the plan was to bow to the Queen, as everybody would. It's just you wanted to get the right etiquette for what we were doing on the court. A few years back it definitely changed. Both players, when you went on Centre Court bowed, and they went out together. When they left the court, they left together, bowed again. Obviously, it's changed.

What I was trying to say, which I think was unfairly reported, was I wanted to make sure what the etiquette was before we went out on the court.

...

Q. I wanted to ask you a question about the tour. You've had a great early career, reaching No. 2, great run in New York. You're not going to be a teenager much longer. There really hasn't been a big breakthrough by a teenager on the WTA Tour since Maria here. Why do you think that is?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Well, I think I'm an exception to that. And I think that reaching No. 2, it's not easy. Not everyone can do that.

I think the tour has just become very tough. A lot of players are playing well. Just look at the clay court results that have been, you know, Martina Sanchez winning Rome, Rezai winning Madrid, Schiavone winning French Open.

I mean, there's a lot of good players out there. It's not easy to be in the top of the rankings. I'm happy about my own progression, the way I've been playing.

Tennis is an individual sport. So I think about myself. I really think that age doesn't matter. I think you can be 30 and be on the top of the ranking, and you can be 17. It really doesn't matter. It's just about going out there, doing your best, and you can see how far you can go, how far your own limits are.

...

Q. Have you gotten to talk to Sasha much about his championship and did you get to watch any of the parade online or anything?

MARIA SHARAPOVA: No. But I got a lot of pictures from it. It seemed really crazy. Yeah, I'm very happy for him and the team. 

Q. Couldn't have been much easier, could it?

MARIA SHARAPOVA: Uhm, it always could (laughter).

(presser links)

Good Lookin' and Lookin' Good.

The faves were looking sharp today and in the case of Rafa and Muzz, they saw their draw potentially open up.  After falling behind an early break to Hajek, Muzz turned on the afterburners, blitzing his way to an easy and very fun to watch straight set win.  It was a sexy performance and one I haven't seen in quite a long time.  Andy was attacking his returns, cracking backhand winners, and dictating play with his forehand.  Lovely stuff and hopefully an omen of good things.  The other good news for him: a gassed Fernando was upset by FaBrows Fognini.  Then again, Andy would probably rather play Fer on grass than Jo, who notched a four set win.  So...six in one, I suppose.

Rafa notched a fairly straightforward win over Project 45, who, I thought, acquitted himself well.  Kei didn't roll over, instead making tactical adjustments as the match progressed to give himself a chance.  I was impressed and I hope the kid stays injury free.  Incidentally, my sister, who's been living in Tokyo for the past year and is in town for a visit, informed me that it's not "Cup 'o Noodles".  It's just "Cup Noodles".  Check the package next time.  This totally blew my mind.

I love love LOVE Masha's kit.  Love the jacket, love the dress, and love that she dished a stick and bagel while wearing it.  As for Serena, well, her tennis was dominant.  She fired down 15 aces.  And thankfully she left that piece of fabric on her shoulders in her bag while she played.  All I know is that while Serena makes me want to donate blood, I feel like hiring Masha to sue the shit out of Serena for fucking up the donation procedure.  

But this is a tennis blog and I know you tune in to hear my always insightful analysis.  So here it is:

These four players played good.

Fin.

Air Quotes: EXTREME!!!

Q. One of the past champions, Maria Sharapova, is back from the rotator cuff problem. What have been your observations of the way she's battled back and what she means to the tour?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I haven't been able to see too much of her play. But I know just that she's a really hard worker and that her attitude on the court is definitely carried off the court of never giving up, always fighting. It's not easy to come back from any type of surgery. She is clearly doing well. I know she won a tournament recently. She's doing good.

Q. Kim and Justine are back at Wimbledon this year. They missed the last couple. How much do you relish the extra competition from those two? They were pushing yourself and Venus all the way a couple years ago.

SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah, it's cool they're back in the draw. It's fine. I answer this question every week, so... Look at my other transcripts.

Q. Getting back to Thursday with the Queen being here, I think the Club is leaving it up to the individual players whether they'll bow or curtsy. What would you do?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, I definitely don't think I should take a bow, so I'll probably curtsy (smiling). I've been working on my curtsy. It's a little extreme, so I'm going to have to tone it down (laughter). I'm going to have to tone it down a little bit. I have a lot of arm movement.

Q. Do you have a curtsy coach?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Actually, I was practicing it this morning, so... Like I said, it's very extreme. I get really low. So, yeah, I have to tone it down. But we'll see. I hope we'll have a chance to do that. Hopefully I won't do that, but hopefully I'll have a chance to curtsy.

(presser link)

You're Such A Miranda!

The WTA player party.  What can you say?  Normally I tune in for the fashion, hair, and makeup disasters.  But I have to say, the Ladies did ok for themselves this year.  I mean, Aga's once again dressed as a Jersey hooker, but hey, the girl's got a look that she's sticking with.  Commitment is 90% of fashion.

Masha, impeccably dressed as an homage to the trophy her boy won tonight.  I don't think the photos do that dress justice.  A stunning piece if seen in person, methinks, especially when worn by a 6'1'' Masha.

Accessory win.

movingrightalong...

Kimiko is adorable despite the fact that she's being attached by the Grimace's shredded entrails.  And can we please stop thinking that ballet flats are appropriate "event" wear?

I mean, she looks great.  But she also looks 15 years older.  PEEP TOE, DINARA!

You kids are adorbz, even if it does look like the Eastern European version of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion.

Beautiful makeup and hair, and a great dress that needed about 15 minutes with a tailor.  The hem is killing me.

...

Awesome sex hair.

I love this dress minus the frills on the shoulders. 

Bepa!

Amber Alert!

Winner.  Perfect hair, the dress fits perfectly, heels are beautiful and understated.  She looks like she rolled out of bed like this.  Bomb.

You could fit the entire continent of Serbia between Charlotte and Samantha. 

As it should be.

Churnin' Butter

Oh I've missed you and your legendary Ho!Yay!

I'm a bit busy with some personal stuff this week (don't worry, it's nothing serious or anything) so I apologize for falling behind on the blogging.  To be honest, I normally don't feel bad about it (because I'm a dick) but seeing as how Wimbledon starts in less than a week, I feel particularly derelict in my responsibilities to you, the sometimes-loyal-but-would-totally-stab-me-in-the-back reader.

Thankfully there are other great tennis bloggers who aren't ignoring the tennis.  I don't really like churning links, but again, it's the week before Wimbledon and I feel like if I don't set the table for all the jokes I plan to drop in the next couple of weeks, well, the jokes will fail.  And nothing pisses me off more than someone making unfunny jokes especially when that someone is me.

So here's my churnalistic attempt to get you caught up with the goings on in Yellow Ball Land.  And by "Yellow Ball Land" I mean tennis, not Asian porn.  Get your head out of the gutter and into the game, pervies.

• Uncle Jamie throws his Wimbly thoughts out into the information superhighway.  You should read it because I always agree with him.  Except for the times when I don't.
• Stephanie Myles, thankfully, breaks down how the Wimbledon seeds are calculated for the ATP side.  Why did she feel compelled to Mathnet?  Because Fed has been seeded #1 and the Twitterverse had a cow.  And by Twitterverse I mean me because I was apparently the only one in the world who didn't know that the formula only applies to the ATP, not the WTA.  My thoughts in a nutshell: I don't really care that Fed's #1.  It had no effect on the draw.  It's more symbolic than anything else, you know, like THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.  But what does annoy me is that this formula isn't used for the ladies.  Think about it and you will come to the same conclusion that I did: Wimbledon hates Venus.
• C Note read at Down The Line that Franny is referring to herself in the third-person.  C Note thinks it's just...weird. 
• GoToTennis sat on a conference call with Brad and Mary and didn't bother asking whether there would be a "Big Babe Tennis 2: Electric Buggaloo" installment this year.  Also they both pick Rafa to win.  Where was Aunty Pimmy?!?
• I love Andy Murray.  Just thought I'd mention it.
• Vika and Sveta won back to back matches.  That seems like news.
• You don't want to know how this makes me feel, Roger.
• Best. Coach. EVAH.
• Sam just wants to make the fourth round at Wimbledon.  Now if people could please stop paying attention to her, I'd appreciate it.  Thanks.  Meanwhile, she's doing ok on grass so far, making the quarters of Eastbourne against Elena Baltacha.
• Boom Boom Sabine is out of Wimbledon.
• Great piece on Shazza in The Guardian.
• JJ's boxing.  If JJ doesn't like fistpumps in her face, I can't think she's a fan of fists in her face.  Also, "WATCH THE NOSE!"
• Welcome back, Kimmy.  I see you've left your mercy in Belgium.
• Thanks to Jane Peng for getting Boyfriend to link to my Rafa piece.  That's how the Kong rolls.
• WTA Boo Boo Boo Watch: MaKiri retired with an ab injury; Aravane retired with a right wrist injury; Nails also retired.
• ATP Boo Boo Boo Watch: Nico retired with a right hip injury; Feli retired two points from losing with some sort of injury, I'm thinking it was either a brain injury or World Cup fever; Special Kei also retired.
• Via Twitter, Nalby announced he's not playing Wimbledon.  So enjoy your crumpets as per yoosh.
• I would like to be introduced to these "people" who thought it was the coolest thing they'd ever seen.  Seriously, Serena.  I want a list.  Tweet it.  
• Oh, and Rafa's in Mallorca hanging with Xisca.  And probably crying.  A lot.

And that's the news I care about.  Oh, Ana lost to PetKo.  Shit happens.  Moving on.

Clap...Clap...Clap...Clap...

Shazzmatazz is into her fourth Birmingham final after beating Alison Riske in three sets.  So how about a standing ovation for the teen, who had a crazy run through Birmingham and took a set off Maria.  Well done, kid.  Hope you're able to make good use of that Wimbledon wildcard.

It'll be the top two seeds in the final as Nails was able to withstand a charge from Rezai to take her out in three sets.   I hope Nails is ready tomorrow.  She might be walking funny:

Ouchie.

Sister, Sister Slam

I don't think Serena's loving her trophy.

Venus and Serena finally got that elusive French Open doubles title, thus giving them not only the career Slam, but also the "Venus and Serena Slam".  They currently hold all four Slam titles.

Which means they were in a good mood in the presser:

Q. And also, how old were you when you played your first doubles match together?
SERENA WILLIAMS: Super young. (Laughing.)
VENUS WILLIAMS: Extremely young. That's what we were saying the other day. We're the longest standing doubles team. We've been playing since the '80s together. We've got quite a record.
It's been we don't even remember the first time. It's been forever.

Q. Do you remember anything about that? What you wore? What happened on the court?
SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah, I remember a couple things. I remember sorry. (Laughing.)
VENUS WILLIAMS: Oh, no.

Q. Oh, yes.
SERENA WILLIAMS: I remember my dad told Venus you remember this? (Laughing.) He told Venus to cross you remember now?
VENUS WILLIAMS: No. I can't.
SERENA WILLIAMS: (Laughing.) He told Venus to that she had to cross more, and so I think she got upset and she crossed when the person was serving. (Laughter.)
She ended up volleying the serve. Oh, it was so funny.
I remember my dad, he's so positive. He's like, Oh, no, no, Venus, not that. Just wait until after the serve.
I promise you every tournament I think about that when we're in doubles. I'm thinking, Okay, I got to get aggressive. I just always think about that.
VENUS WILLIAMS: I remember that.
SERENA WILLIAMS: You remember?
VENUS WILLIAMS: Isha was serving. Our older sister was serving.
SERENA WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh. That was so funny.
VENUS WILLIAMS: Wow.
SERENA WILLIAMS: And I also remember my dad told me I had to play the forehand because I was young and I was smaller, and then he put Venus on the backhand. It's been like that ever since. That was 20 years ago?
VENUS WILLIAMS: At least.
SERENA WILLIAMS: At least.
VENUS WILLIAMS: More than 20.
SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah.

Cute.  Still bummed they didn't whack a ball at Liezel in the semis though.

If you've grown up with a little sister, this is *totally* what happens. 

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

In in mixed doubles news, Kata and Nenad! 

I mean, any team involving Kata and Nenad pretty much rules at anything.  But it's nice that they got a trophy to reward their general awesomeness.  Plus it's an excuse for pictures of Nenad.  So a round of win for everyone.

Did That Really Happen?

I fell asleep halfway through Rafa's match and when I woke up, Serena was serving at 5-6 in the tiebreak on ESPN.  I had to watch a few games to make sure that I wasn't watching live tennis and that I dreamed the whole thing.

Nope.

Sitting through this match today, stressing, frazzling, willing, really, I realized how big of a Sam fan I had become.  And not just a "Yay!  I hope you do well!  I'm always rooting for you!" kind of way, but in a "Holy crap. I actually believe you can win matches.  I actually believe you can beat Serena even when all signs point to steamroll."

After Sam served for the match at 5-3 in the second and, well, choked, the clouds of inevitability began to creep in.  And boy did they creep in fast.  Serena began to swing out easier and more importantly, she began serving well.  Dodging that bullet seemed to loosen up her shoulders and she would bomb aces with regularity for the rest of the match.  Sam could barely score a point on most of Serena's service points from there.

Which of course meant all the pressure would be on Sam to hold, and as she was serving from behind starting in the third set, the pressure was huge.  After swapping breaks early in the third the players settled down but it was clear that Serena had the edge.  She was holding easily and Sam's service games ranged from easy to being down match point at 4-5.  And every time, Sam seemed to reach back and boom a serve.  It was uncanny.

But we had all seen this script before.  It's happened to all our faves.  Serena plays like crap, then flicks a switch, plays lights out, and walks away a winner.  But I've also seen Serena play like crap, flick a switch, play lights, and then act like a petulant child when things don't easily go her way.  Despite my Twitter jokes about Sam's propensity to blink in big moments, I really never thought she was out of this, though I finally had to start ignoring Twitter a bit to avoid all the negativity.  Sam had showed me a lot in the Henin match when she righted the ship after playing 3 crap games against Justine in the third and almost handing her the match.  Six months ago, Sam would have gift-wrapped Justine the match and apologize for being such an inconvenience.  I didn't think Sam was going to pull that match out.  That was my mistake.  I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

I still don't know how Sam got that break.  Serena definitely tightened up a bit but she didn't hand the break to Sam the way Justine did.  Sam still had to step up and earn them, which she did.  The last two points of that 6-6 were amazing.  Sam would make good with her redemptive second chance, serving it out at 15.  And thus Serena fails, once again, to make it past the quarters of RG.

Afterwards, Serena was, well predictable:

Last year I choked. You know, I guess it's a redundant story with me.

She did give more credit to Sam than I would have expected.  Which...is saying more about my low expectations than Serena's graciousness.

As for Sam, this is about as "ecstatic" a presser as you'll ever get from her.  Believe me, I've read a lot of them.

Squee!  That was fun, Sam. 

You should frame this one.

Pic This: Nike Tips Its Champs?

 

 

Pic This: RG Days 5-9 (I Have Some Catching Up To Do)

 

Please keep playing well.  We need your brand of crazy on a more regular basis. 

And I have a whole notebook full of poetry dedicated to you.  You're my muse!

Ah.  The irony of yellow.

 

Scuba!  Scuba!  Scuba!

 

Embrace your inner Techno.

 

No snark here.  I just found this series of photos sweet and Rafa's look at the end hilarious.


Glad to see there are still Rudolf Fekete fans.  Never forget!

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Something In The Air...

Q: Did you think at one stage that she might quit the match?

ANASTASIA PAVYLUCHENKOVA: No, I mean, I really wished so. I was like, Please. No, I'm just kidding, of course.

Oh, Pavs.

Serena was absolutely lights out in the first set, winning easily at 61 and playing in a T-Gab like zone.  But she got woozy in the second set and had to call the trainer, who took her temperature and checked her pulse.  She complained of dizziness, took a pill, lost the second set 16, and then came back to take the third 62.  Serena said after the match the doctor said a bug was going around and that she needed to eat and rest to avoid getting a cold.

Stress if if you're a ReRe fan.  Just as she was hitting her stride she hits this bump in the road.  The next bump in the road?  Shahar.

Pic This: Day 3

And with that, the first round at RG is in the books.  Mildly uneventful from a seed perspective.  But that's the fun part about actually watching the matches as opposed to score-tracking:  All the little funnies along the way.

"So then this guy named Christian something opens the door and they all go inside..."

Oh don't be coy.  It doesn't suit you.

Do they have Rockette's in the UK?

Watch!

This used to be funny.  It's kinda not anymore.

Oh, Cone.  I miss you.

More after the jump.

Pic This: RG Day 2

It was a warm on in Paris today.  And the heat brought out the crazy.

It's not so much that Feli likes to show leg, it's that his legs refused to be contained.

 

I'm flattered by the offer, but no.

Oh no you di'n't, JJ.  Allison will cut you.  She'll do it.

DonotlookherintheeyeDonotlookherintheeyeDonotlookherintheeye...

Fuck!  Too late.

More after the jump.

Air Quotes: Serena Is All About Web 2.0.

SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, I tweet a lot. I have just really I don't know. I think it's cool. Sometimes I just tweet what's on my mind and sometimes maybe a little too much. I have a lot of fun with it. I think it's a cool way of connecting with, you know, the die hard fans. For me, I follow Green Day on Twitter, and whenever they tweet I get incredibly excited. I'm like, Oh, my God. I'm so happy and I really like to know what's going on in their lives because I'm a die hard Green Day fanatic. For those people that like me half as much as I like them, I like to keep them in the loop with my life.

Q. What do you like about Twitter? I'm writing a story on that. You're tweeting a lot.

SERENA WILLIAMS: I don't know. I like to see the reaction. Also, like, you can follow news on Twitter. You can hear the latest news really fast. It's just the future, and this is just the beginning of, you know, another Internet explosion. I like it. I can just stay in touch with my fans.

Pic This: Your Move, Liezel.

Well Madrid Doesn't Like You Either, Serena.

Nads wore her big boy tights today and took out a fighting Serena in three sets.  Serena showed a lot of fight.  This wasn't a towel job.  But afterwards...

"This isn't a player-favorite tournament, to be honest. None of the players are really gung-ho about playing here."

Okee-dokey.

Serena Won. No Big Deal.

 

But don't tell her that.

Serena played the longest match of her career (3 hours and 26 minutes) to finally advance with a 6-7(2), 7-6(5), 7-6(5) win over Dushevina.  So...didn't choke that one.

Air Quotes: Boom Goes The Dynamite.

No, thank *you* and good night.

If I Could Turn Back Time...

Hey, remember when there was a time when Ana was winning matches, JJ was kinda dominant, and Caro and Aga lost all the time?  Well apparently a wormhole opened up in the space/time continuum and the entire WTA fell through.  JJ dusted Wicky 2 and 0.

 

Aga fell to Lucie in three and Caro didn't do much against MJMS, losing 4 and 2.  Oddly, Caro is now 0-3 against MJMS.

Serena and Venus keep winning, though. 

"On Top of Spaghetti, All Covered With Cheese, I Lost My Poor Meatball, When Somebody Sneezed."

"You try and drop shot me again and I will stuff this tennis ball...well you know the rest."

Serena's back and had to save some set points in the first to eventually take out Timea in straight sets.  Drew Lilly noted the wet and heavy conditions and picking Timea to come out on top.  Can't fault the guy for the logic.  But Serena marches on. 

I feel weird actually rooting for Serena to win Rome so everyone will just shut up about Justine being the RG favorite.  But I'm sure Serena won't even let me have that.  She's totally out to get me like that.

Meanwhile, big sister continued her rather remarkable 2010 campaign.  Seriously, stop and think about Venus' results this year.  Not bad for an old lady, no?  And, if you're one of those people who likes "stats" and whatever, Venus has a chance at the #2 ranking here in Rome.  Whu?  Yeah, you heard me.

All this is to say, there's some merit in tracking what the Sisters do here in Rome.  Honestly, I tend to ignore them.  Not this time.

Serena To Play Rome. Allegedly.

How nice of you to take a break from your busy jet skiing, Green Day fawning, movie-going schedule to show up and play.  Hope it's not too much of an inconvenience.

Air Quotes: "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, DAN!"

"Yeah, I saw Serena before the match. I said to her, It's not fair you're dressing up so nicely. I'm gonna watch more what you're wearing than the ball. She looked really amazing."

-- Mono.  I don't think it's a coincidence that I love everyone who hates her and hate everyone she loves.  No coincidence at all.

Pic This: Shit I Never Got Around To Posting.

Before Fed made his, some would say, untimely exit from Miami, Rafa sat in the stands with Tomeu to watch him.  Way to jinx him, Rafa!  *air five*

Sveta suffered some shoulder issues in her 63 60 loss to Mono.  Needless to say, she's got a few points to defend on clay.  Hope the shoulder heals.  Moscow must have been on her mind, too. 

Serena was on hand to watch Dani play a great match, only to lose to Venus in three sets.  Sad face, Dani. 

 

And the Indian Wells champ fell to the Hammer of Thor in three tight sets.  Not really a bad loss for her.  It was a 10 vs 8 match, Sam's playing great, and JJ's got to be tired after her run in IW.  I mean, when's the last time you remember her playing for two straight weeks?

That was supposed to be a zinger.

Are you intimidated, yet?

Don't Worry You Guys...

Serena's working hard to rehab her knee.  You can sleep easy now.

I Wish I Could Call In Sick With A Hangover

I said soak it in Austrian cheese, Serena, not soak it in alcohol.

"You Want Some Water? Good, I Don't Have Any."

Serena is training to be a nail technician.  You need 240 hours to get certified.  Serena's done 3.5.  Who wants to bet that she ain't gonna get close to 240?

Thankfully she's blogging the experience.  I want to go to Sanrio with Serena Williams.

Lame.

In case you haven't heard, Gilles, Jo, and Rafa have withdrawn from Rotterdam.  Dima, Lleyton, and Halpert are out of San Jose.  And Serena's out of Paris with a knee injury.

Pic This: Championship Weekend

You don't know where that koala's been.

 You did that for two and a half hours, Andy.  You can stop now.  Match is over.

Sweet.


The dominatrix look is actually apropos.

Seriously, these guys come up with moves that make Bel Ami blush. 

Sadness, Part I.

 

Sadness, Part II.

 

Heh.

Sweet.  Where's Mama?

 

I think it's adorable that Muzz gave Fed's a head's up that he was going to cry.

"Is she gay?  Please God I hope she's not gay."

That flag is a lot heavier than you think.

Aw.  Na Li is a Muzz fan!

"ZOMG, I WON!!!  ZOMG, I GOTTA PEE!!!"

Scratching it will totally help, Justine.  Just keep doing that.  

Serena's ode to Rafa.

It's not a Heisman, Fed.  Though, you'd probably win that too. 

Asshole.

Pic This: Does That Thing Vibrate?

Air Quotes: And That's How Serena "C"s it.

Q. Who's your winner [of the Men's final]?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Hmm? I always go for the underdog. But at the same time, I always root for the champion. But I like Andy 'cause he's really sweet. But I like Roger 'cause he's really nice. So I don't know.

Q. Perfectly clear now.

SERENA WILLIAMS: Exactly (laughter).

Q. You seemed so emotional at the end of the night. Did you consider climbing into the box?

SERENA WILLIAMS: You know, I did. If you saw me, I did a pull‑up, but my muscles freezed because there's no chance I could lift my weight in a pull‑up. There was no chance I would have made it up. I was like, Okay, that's a hopeless cause.

Q. Difference between Kim and Justine?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Uhm, hmm. I'm going to keep that to myself.

Q. Have you got any spare Super Bowl tickets?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Oh, I do, but they're for sale. Hello. They're like $10,000. They're nice suite seats.

Shazam.

64 36 62. 

5th Australian Open Title (most in Open history), ties BJK for 12 Grand Slams, doubles and singles titles defended, ends at #1.  Not a bad two weeks for the Queen of Scream.

Weird but entertaining match.  The match started quite nervously for both.  Serena faced break points on what seemed like every single serving game, but her clutch serving was able to get her out of trouble.  In fact, it was her big serving that was able to stem the tide after Justine somewhat inexplicably ran off 5 straight games and 15 STRAIGHT POINTS to take the second set and the first game of the third.  Once Serena was able to stop the bleeding she dialed in and Justine started missing again.  The rest, as they say is history.

People will argue about Justine's, I mean, Carlos' game plan for a while (contemplating "Carline").  She seems hell bent on trying to stand toe to toe with the big hitters and play big babe tennis.  She was so aggressive.  Too aggressive if you ask me.  She was gunning for winners when she had no business doing so.  There was none of the finessed point construction that built her legacy.  Because of that, this match didn't have that much rhythm.  In fact, the streak that she went on was *because* she stopped missing and started grooving winners.  All of a sudden they started going in.  And they didn't.  And so she lost. 

But she seems hell-bent on sticking with it.  She definitely never reverted to a Plan B.  It was redline from start to finish.  But it sure makes her less fun to watch.  To the extent I ever had fun watching her in the first place.  I guess Carlos has convinced her that this is the game she needs to play to win Wimbledon, so they might as well work on it now.  We'll see.

A genuine congrats to Serena.  As everyone knows, I'm not a fan, but she really flipped the switch in this match.  Beware when Serena starts yelling at her fist.  It's like Over The Top.  Switch, flipped.  After this pic was taken, Justine didn't win another game.  So thanks, Serena for not letting my two hours of rooting for you go to waste.  But that's over.  Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Here's her "G" moment.  Yes, she mentioned Gatorade in her speech. 

"We Won!" "We Did?"

I pretty much love this picture.

 

Much love to Venus and Serena for defending their doubles title by beating Bluber in straight sets.  I'm not Serena's #1 fan but it always brings me joy when the Sisters win doubles titles, mainly because I must imagine it's an awesome feeling to do something like that with your sister.

The match was not without drama.  Venus lost track of the score and actually didn't realize they had won:

Q. Venus, talk us through the last point or so, because it seemed that it was done and dusted and you were ready to go again.

VENUS WILLIAMS: I actually didn't know the score. I thought that it was 5‑2.

I really don't know how I lost track. So I was confused, but I guess that's just focus.

Q. What was going through your mind? Serena was happy...

VENUS WILLIAMS: Well, yeah, I thought, She's really happy about this break. (Laughter.) I thought, Wow, I've never seen her this happy. But I'll go with it.

Q. Serena, were you stunned by the sort of lack of response you were getting back?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah, I thought, Okay, this is exciting. You know, we defended our title and she was like, What's going on? I'm like, The match is over. We're done now. It was funny.

Q. So you had no time to get nervous? What was your feeling?

VENUS WILLIAMS: No. That's what I said. I was like, Serena, I guess it's easier to hold at 3‑2 instead of 4‑3. I thought it was breakpoint. I didn't know it was match ‑‑ I mean, I need to play all my matches like this without knowing the score. I think it would help.

Cute.

It's Like Mulan. But, Like, She Dies In The End.

And thus endeth the Cinderella story that lasted for like...24 hours.

So we get our "dream final" (I don't know what "we" I'm referring to.  I was hoping for a Garbin/Kvitova final, myself).  Serena hobbles into the final, niggles all over, after quite a mental test against Nails (76 76).  Justine on the other hand probably needed to go out for another light hit after walking all over her #1 fan, Jay Z (60 61). 

None of that matters though.  It doesn't matter how hurt Serena is, or how easy Justine's had it.  In the WTA, more often then not, it's all about who is mentally stronger.  These two, whether I like it or not, are as strong as they come.  So bring it.

And go Serena *runsaway*.

Serena Can Make You Woozy.

It wasn't the heat this time.  It was Serena.

Serena found herself a set and 0-3 down to an inspired and flawless Vika.  Vika played great but Serena was definitely not herself.  A lot of that was Vika's quality hitting and surprising court coverage, which put more pressure on Serena.  On top of that, Serena was definitely not having the serving day she had against Sam and was unable to get a lot of free points on her serve and she was clearly feeling less than 100% physically.

So Serena did what A-Rod did yesterday.  She started hitting out and shortening points, taking cracks at Vika's weak serve, and it worked.  She quickly asserted herself and climbed back from the 0-3 hole to force tight tiebreak that saw her come out on top 7-4.  From there, you knew it was pretty much over.  Vika, to her credit (and you know how reluctant I am to ever give her anything but shit) did her best to stay with Serena in the third.  But after she was broken rather quickly you could see that she knew there was nothing she could do.  Credit to her for taking it like a champ and walking off with her head held high, racquets intact.  Nothing to be ashamed of here.

So the "dream final" of Serena vs. Justine is still a possibility.  But they'll have to get through China first.

Pic This: Day 8

Arm wrestle you for it?

I wish I could caption this as "So close!"  But...I can't.

Stay away from him, you skanky hos!  The last thing he needs is the Clap.

Never look back.

Yurp.
 

Two of us!

Continuing the theme: Nico touches his junk.  It's a thing.  I guess.

Aw, shit.  Wait until @carowozniacki hears about this. 

Shit's about to get real on Twitter.

Even Lleyton was bored.  And he was playing.

I'm making velociraptor noises on my couch.

Like a moth to a flame...

ZOMG SHE'S NAKED UNDER THERE!!!!11

I seriously don't understand the uproar.

Hotness.

Who the hell dresses up as the villain to one of the best Pixar movies of all time?

And a weak ass villain at that.  Dude was a schmuck.

Butt Visors, By Stella McCartney.

Saints win!

You're All Playing For Second Place.

64 62.

Scary good.  That's what that performance was.

Sam didn't even get a chance to play but bless her, she actually played well.  But Serena put on an absolute clinic, particularly on her serve.  It was easily the most dominant performance at the tournament so far, man or woman. 

Be worried, non-Serena fans.  I am.

Caroline Wozniacki, World #1

It's possible.  According to Stephanie Myles, here are the WTA #1 scenarios:

• If Serena gets to the final she's #1
• Sveta and Boots have to win it all and Serena would have to lose before the round of 16
• Dina has to reach the final, Serena has to lose before the quarterfinal, and Boots can't win it.  She can also get to #1 by winning the whole shebang and Serena doesn't make the final.

Almost as nutty as the possibility for Nole to walk out of Melbourne at #1.  Wacky times, people.  Wacky times.

Boom Boom Fizzle.

The top seeds are rolling, and that's a good thing.  Or so they tell me.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Singles - Second Round
(1) Serena Williams (USA) d. Petra Kvitova (CZE) 62 61
(4) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Julia Goerges (GER) 63 61
(6) Venus Williams (USA) d. Sybille Bammer (AUT) 62 75
(7) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Stefanie Voegele (SUI) 64 60
(9) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Iveta Benesova (CZE) 60 63
(10) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 60 62
(13) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Kristina Barrois (GER) 75 63
(16) Li Na (CHN) d. Agnes Szavay (HUN) 36 75 62
(17) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. Julie Coin (FRA) 63 64
Gisela Dulko (ARG) d. (20) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 67(6) 75 64
Alberta Brianti (ITA) d. (21) Sabine Lisicki (GER) 26 64 64
(22) Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. (Q) Sofia Arvidsson (SWE) 64 61
(29) Shahar Peer (ISR) d. Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) 61 64
(32) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) d. Andrea Petkovic (GER) 61 64
Tathiana Garbin (ITA) d. Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) 67(5) 62 60

Doubles - First Round
Dushevina/Rodionova (RUS/AUS) d. (5) Petrova/Stosur (RUS/AUS) 36 64 61
(7) Kleybanova/Schiavone (RUS/ITA) d. Brianti/U.Radwanska (ITA/POL) 46 75 76(3)
(9) Vesnina/Zheng (RUS/CHN) d. Cornet/Fichman (FRA/CAN) 75 63
(10) Mirza/Ruano Pascual (IND/ESP) d. (WC) Basuki/Date Krumm (INA/JPN) 64 62
(12) Chuang/Peschke (TPE/CZE) d. Senoglu/Shvedova (TUR/KAZ) 60 75
(13) Dulko/Pennetta (ARG/ITA) d. Bondarenko/Bondarenko (UKR/UKR) 64 26 63
(14) Groenefeld/King (GER/USA) d. (WC) Golds/Mirkovic (AUS/AUS) 60 61
(15) Kirilenko/A.Radwanska (RUS/POL) d. Cirstea/Pavlyuchenkova (ROU/RUS) 60 67(4) 62
(16) Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova (CZE/CZE) d. Errani/Suárez Navarro (ITA/ESP) 62 61
Azarenka/Kuznetsova (BLR/RUS) d. Kanepi/Woehr (EST/GER) 76(5) 64
Olaru/Savchuk (ROU/UKR) d. Amanmuradova/Tanasugarn (UZB/THA) 46 61 62
Peer/Voskoboeva (ISR/KAZ) d. Rybarikova/Voracova (SVK/CZE) 62 75
Szavay/Vinci (HUN/ITA) d. Govortsova/Poutchek (BLR/BLR) 75 64
Jankovic/Perry (SRB/USA) d. Cibulkova/Krajicek (SVK/NED) 61 64
Czink/Grandin (HUN/RSA) d. Lisicki/Rezai (GER/FRA) 63 62
Razzano/Wickmayer (FRA/BEL) d. Kondratieva/Sevastova (RUS/LAT) 75 36 62
Gullickson/Uhlirova (USA/CZE) d. Dulgheru/Gallovits (ROU/ROU) 63 36 63
Borwell/Kops-Jones (GBR/USA) d. Hercog/Martic (SLO/CRO) 64 76(3)
Baltacha/Dekmeijere (GBR/LAT) d. Safarova/Wozniak (CZE/CAN) 75 62
(WC) Peers/Robson (AUS/GBR) d. Craybas/Spears (USA/USA) 63 75

The Boy Who Would Be King

Prince William in da house, y'all. HRH was in Australia for a three-day visit.  So he stopped in to watch a bit of tennis last night.  His reward?  Half a set of Fed dominance and Casey Dellaqua vs. Karolina Sprem.  Uh, nice work, Tennis Australia.

Is it weird that I'm shocked these two have never met?  You'd think it would have happened at Wimbledon.

No, Serena, taking a picture with a Prince does not make you a princess.

Love the lady in the background.  That would *totally* be my Mom.

"You and your mother.  You're both the same." 

I always feel a twinge of sadness everytime I see him.

"Let's see here, what do we have on tap tonight..."

"Sprem?  Really?  This is what you've brought me to?  Really?"

While Trying To Avoid Watching Igor Self-Destuct...

  

I played around with the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator.  

• Roger: The Prince of Paramus
• Rafa: Orange Juice
• Nole: The Tricep
• Muzz: A-Train
• A-Rod: Snickers
• Kolya: Juice Springsteen
• Jo: J-Tan
• Fernando: DJ Douchebag
• Marat: The Hands Team
• Serena: The Ashley Simpson of Cape May
• Dina: Pookie
• Masha: The Rack
• Flavs: The Back End
• Sveta: The Tantrum

That was fun.  I'm totally using Juice Springsteen from now on.

XOXOXO

So much amazing, I don't even know where to begin. 

The fact that the event raised money and awareness for Haiti is enough of a reason to love it.  But the kids actually brought the laughs on a consistent basis and made, what is essentially, porn for tennis fans.  If you turn up the sound and close your eyes, it really does sound like porn.  Not that, you know, I did that.  I'm in an airport for God's sake.

Baseball vs. Soccer, with Australia not sure what hell is going on.

"Right?  The chain mail totally feels like fabric!"

I guess Sergio Tacchini doesn't make cups.

I love how Kim's looking at him like a bemused mom. 

"Oh, Novak."

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rafa.  I said it was "porn for tennis fans."  Not actual porn.

Dear Serena: Your threats?  So noted.

If you were to pair up the two least threatening people on the ATP/WTA tours and pair them for a gropefest, well...you could do worse.  Somehow Kim makes it look...clinical. 

Since Roger organized this thing, I can't say anything snarky.  So...

Roger did pushups during the exo.

Hee.  HeeHee.

I pretty much love this entire seven minutes.  I especially love Rafa's beleagured and obedient "Si" after Roger says "Vamos, Rafa."  He's such a good kid.

Oh, Andy.

But if you want the awesomeness of this exo summarized in one shot...

Why Bother?

So, Elena beat Serena in Sydney.  Again.  And word on the street is that Elena looked amazing and Serena looked hobbled and error-prone.  Again.  I get my hopes up momentarily only to have them cruelly dashed two weeks and a bit later.  Again.

It's totally unimportant.  I think we all know where this is going.

So, the only remaining question is, really...

What.  The ever-loving hell.  Is Elena wearing?  (Again.)