Forty Deuce

Pic This: Let's Play Some Tennis!

Air Quotes: Zing!

From Rafa's Q&A:

What one song would you like to sing in the Karaoke Booth at Roland Garros this year?
Dustin, USA

Rafa: I am thinking about it. If Marc Lopez does it with me, I'll do it. otherwise I'll simply introduce Novak singing Gypsy... :-)

RG Day 4 OOP

Is it just me or does this OOP look kinda cake-walkey?  That, combined with the forecast for rain, pretty much means I might catch up on some sleep tonight.

Court Philippe Chatrier 11:00 Start Time
1. Women’s Singles – Second Round
Arantxa Parra Santonja (ESP) v. Venus Williams (USA)[2]
2. Men’s Singles – Second Round
Roger Federer (SUI)[1] v. Alejandro Falla (COL)
3. Men’s Singles – Second Round
Fabio Fognini (ITA) v. Gael Monfils (FRA)[13]
4. Women’s Singles – Second Round
Elena Dementieva (RUS)[5] v. A. Medina Garrigues (ESP)

Court Suzanne Lenglen 11:00 Start Time
1. Men’s Singles – Second Round
Taylor Dent (USA) v. Robin Soderling (SWE)[5]
2. Men’s Singles – Second Round
Josselin Ouanna (FRA) v. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (FRA)[8]
3. Women’s Singles – Second Round
Aravane Rezai (FRA)[15] v. Angelique Kerber (GER)
4. Women’s Singles – Second Round
Tathiana Garbin (ITA) v. Caroline Wozniacki (DEN)[3]

Court 1 11:00 Start Time
1. Men’s Singles – Second Round
Leonardo Mayer (ARG) v. Julien Benneteau (FRA)
2. Women’s Singles – Second Round
Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)[6] v. Andrea Petkovic (GER)
3. Men’s Singles – Second Round
Andy Murray (GBR)[4] v. Juan Ignacio Chela (ARG)
4. Women’s Singles – Second Round
Stephanie Cohen-Aloro (FRA) v. Na Li (CHN)[11]

Pic This: Day 3

And with that, the first round at RG is in the books.  Mildly uneventful from a seed perspective.  But that's the fun part about actually watching the matches as opposed to score-tracking:  All the little funnies along the way.

"So then this guy named Christian something opens the door and they all go inside..."

Oh don't be coy.  It doesn't suit you.

Do they have Rockette's in the UK?

Watch!

This used to be funny.  It's kinda not anymore.

Oh, Cone.  I miss you.

More after the jump.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

Ruh roh.

Required Reading

• Say what you will about Andre, but his analytical acumen when it comes to tennis, and particularly when it comes to Fed/Rafa is second to none.
• Sad you're not in Paris?  Steve Tignor does his best to get you there.
• Momo for HOF!
• Mr. Krumm speaks.

Balls of Steel: Kimiko-Tan!

Introducing Balls of Steel, the Forty Deuce version of "Person of the Day", "Match Ball", whatever.

I mean, come on.  It had to be.  Because really, let's think about this.  Sure, Dinara totally collapsed and practically gifted the match to her.  But let's actually back this up.  Think about what Kimiko had to do to even be in the position to win this match.  She was a direct entry into the main draw at Roland Garros.  You know who wasn't?  Bethanie Mattek-Sands, Kaia Kanepi, Simona Halep, Monica Niculscu, just to name a few.  So just to get this first round match against Dinara, Kimiko has had to play well, and she has.  At 39 years old!  After a 12 year retirement!  On her worst surface!

And then there's this from Stephanie Myles:

Adorbz!

Also, she gives good presser.  Or, at least, adorable presser.  

So yeah, good on you, Kimiko-Tan.  You've earned it. [bows]

Honorable Mention:

This dude.  His name is Grega Zemlja from Slovenia.  He is ranked #141.  He has played 1 ATP Tour match all year.  He beat Pico in straight sets and now the ESPN commentators will have to figure out how to pronounce his name.  So...that's quite something.

And for everyone who voted for Mina, he was in the running for Honorable Mention.  Until he took that crap MTO down two sets and a break.  Not cool, kid.  Hope you learn to know better.

RG Day 3 Results

 
All credit to Lucky Loser Bethanie, who came in and beat Vania King to move on to Rd 2.

WTA Singles - First Round
Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN) d. (9) Dinara Safina (RUS) 36 64 75
(12) Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (Q) Ksenia Pervak (RUS) 63 62
(13) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Maria Elena Camerin (ITA) 62 63
(16) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. Sandra Zahlavova (CZE) 61 61
(18) Shahar Peer (ISR) d. (Q) Nuria Llagostera Vives (ESP) 61 64
(21) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Alberta Brianti (ITA) 63 61
(22) Justine Henin (BEL) d. Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) 64 63
(23) Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) 61 61
(25) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. Ekaterina Bychkova (RUS) 75 64
(29) Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 64 62
Olga Govortsova (BLR) d. Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) 76(9) 61
Sybille Bammer (AUT) d. Mariana Duque Marino (COL) 60 61
Kirsten Flipkens (BEL) d. Ayumi Morita (JPN) 61 64
Klara Zakopalova (CZE) d. Katarina Srebotnik (SLO) 76(3) 46 62
Anastasia Rodionova (AUS) d. Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 63 62
Jill Craybas (USA) d. Katie O'Brien (GBR) 60 46 62
(Q) Anastasia Pivovarova (RUS) d. Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 64 63
(LL) Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA) d. Vania King (USA) 62 62
(WC) Jarmila Groth (AUS) d. Chan Yung-Jan (TPE) 62 63
(WC) Olivia Sanchez (FRA) d. Shenay Perry (USA) 76(4) 60

The rest after the jump.

Air Quotes: Dani Makes a Funny

Q. And your immediate goals for this year are what?
DANIELA HANTUCHOVA: Media goals?

Q. Immediate goals.
DANIELA HANTUCHOVA: I thought, media goals, wow, I would never set those goals. (Laughter.) Yeah, I want to be the most famous.

Open Up For Dick!

A-Rod survived a weird five-setter over Niemenen.  While his groundies and serve didn't look too rusty, his strategy and tactics clearly were.  The guy hasn't played a clay court match prior to RG and it's clear that he's going to need time to see the court better.  Good news for him: his draw has opened up with Pico surprise loss to a qualifier who has never played an ATP tour event.  Sadz, Pico.

Call me naive (no, really, don't), but I'd be surprised if Andy didn't make it through to the fourth round.  I just don't see anyone in his 1/8th challenging him. 

Then again, it's clay, and as Fed has so generously pointed out, anything can happen.

 

And keep an eye on JCF for reasons other than his general hotness.  With Sam the Tank's loss, JCF, who beat Cuevas 4 3 and 1, has a pretty clear path to the fourth round.  And with a potential quarterfinal against Nole, all I have to say is hmmmm....

And yuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm.

 

Keep On Keepin' On.

Recent tourney winners Masha and Fer cruised through their first round matches today. 

As per usual, Masha's new Nike dress looks better on her rack than "a rack".  Well, to the extent that she even has a rack.  Which she doesn't.  Just to be clear.

She's Baaaack...ish.

Justine got a standing ovation on her return to Philippe Chatrier.  She beat the kinda dangerous Pironkova somewhat soundly, 64 63, but she definitely didn't bring her "A" game.  What should give hope to the rest of the field: Her serve is still wonktastic.  I'm pretty sure she caught more ball tosses than Ana.  Then again, that's probably because Ana doesn't catch as many as she should.

But a win's a win.  Wake me up when she plays Masha this weekend.

You Suck!

62 62 62 

Said Rafa after the match (while looking adorable, might I add):

"I played really bad. (laughter.) That was today."

Well then, I hope you win 62 62 62 and play badly for the rest of the tournament, Rafa.  This is my wish for you.  Oh, and thank you for not abandoning your wristband in favor of the watch.  I like the double up look.

Grow Up, Sam.

One day after I give him props for being part of a new generation of players who appreciate and respect clay, Sam goes and throws in a tank job against Robbie Ginepri because he "wanted to go home." 

When I lost that second set tiebreaker and got broken in the first game, I was done. I wanted to be off the court. I started thinking about leaving and pulling out of the doubles and how much I wanted to go home, how much I wasn't enjoying.

Mind you, HE WON THE FIRST SET.  So basically he didn't feel like playing four or five sets.  This was just...weak.  This is a Slam on a surface that you've done well on.  And you just didn't feel like it?  In fact, you hate it so much you're going to withdraw from doubles with Halpert, despite the fact that you guys have been all over Tennis Channel and ESPN talking about how you want to qualify for the YECs in doubles?  You've not only let yourself, your coaches, and your fans down, Sam, you've let down your doubles partner and best friend.  All because you're just not feelin' it.

Call me when Sam's balls decide to drop.  Grow a fuckin' pair, kiddo.

Well, At Least We Don't Have To Talk About It Anymore.

Some old Asian lady d. Safina, 36 64 75.

Where to begin, really?  Dinara held a 42 lead in the second set and lost it.  She also held a 4-1 double break lead in the third set and lost it.  Kimiko hit 63 UFEs and started cramping badly in the third set and had to call the trainer.  Oh, and Kimiko hasn't played at RG since 1996.

And still, Dinara lost.  It was an ugly 2 hour and 34 minute match.  Ugly because all you could do was squirm watching Dinara deal (or fail to deal) with everything that was going on around her and inside her.

Afterwards, Dinara pretty much refused to talk about the Split Heard Round The World.  All in all, sad stuff.  She'll probably drop out of the top 20 after RG.

But hey, how about some love for the ageless Kimiko!  She hung in there, she fought as best she could, and she came out with a win at 39 years old.  And she looks amazing.  Seriously.  She looks younger than 99% of the WTA.  Give her some love!

You Be The Jurge

A perfectly nice interview with Fed on Tennis Channel.  But I do have one observation: Either Fed is a really big Michael Jordan fan, or he's back to wearing his records on his clothes. 

Tuesday Tunes

Little Boy Blue

Like anyone else, Gasquet has to fight his opponents and the usual demons, but he also has to fight his childhood version of himself, the one who, in a mythic way, is better than the 23-year-old he is now. You can see that kid break out of the adult body at certain moments, what I call Gasquet’s Microwave moments. These are the stretches of games when, like the old Detroit Pistons guard Vinnie “The Microwave” Johnson, he can’t miss—he couldn’t miss if he tried. Gasquet hits winners effortlessly, from anywhere and to anywhere, making up angles and trajectories that no one knew existed on a tennis court before. He doesn’t even seem to be looking at the ball or swinging particularly hard. The only way you know how fast the ball is traveling is that his opponents can't even take a step before it's past them. It can’t be explained, other than as something Gasquet was born with. You can imagine that when adults saw him hit these same types of inexplicable shots as a kid, shots no one had seen before, they must have believe he was the future of French tennis....  But while hitting impossible shots may be child’s play for him, it takes a man to do the dirty work of winning.

Beautiful piece on Richard G. by Tignor, who was fifth row center for today's battle.

Pic This: RG Day 2

It was a warm on in Paris today.  And the heat brought out the crazy.

It's not so much that Feli likes to show leg, it's that his legs refused to be contained.

 

I'm flattered by the offer, but no.

Oh no you di'n't, JJ.  Allison will cut you.  She'll do it.

DonotlookherintheeyeDonotlookherintheeyeDonotlookherintheeye...

Fuck!  Too late.

More after the jump.

Any Way You Slice It, That Watch Is Sexy As Hell.

I've stayed out of the whole "Rafa's Gonna Wear an Expensive Watch!?!? ZOMG?!?!" fray because, honestly, I don't really give a shit.  It's a sponsorship deal.  He didn't buy the watch for crying out loud.  Feli just signed with Jaeger LeCoultre. Ana wears a $12,000 Rolex.  Fed's is probably more than that.  I don't see it as a character flaw.

But I thought this tidbit from Boyfriend's Mailbag was interesting.  Miguel Seabra, a tennis and fancy watch expert (no really), weighs in on the whole brouhaha:

Hi there, colleague!

Regarding the Nadal watch issue: as a specialized tennis & watch journalist (I'm the only one editing a tennis and a watch magazine), my take is you missed the point regarding Nadal's new timepiece and what the sponsorship represents.

For one, Rafa's not paying those $525,000 dollars (of course) and that particular watch is not an expensive exercise of futility; Nadal's intense style of play provides an excellent test to Richard Mille experimental technology (just like Felipe Massa wears a Richard Mille while driving a Formula 1 car under immense trepidation). Secondly, Richard Mille is not a bling brand; it's a highly technical avantgarde watchmaker and that watch is not about the $525,000 price tag at all -- it's about the complex technique & spacelab material! ....The irony: a 'straightforward' character like Rafa endorses a highly complex watch by a ultra-prestigious niche brand (Richard Mille) while 'sophisticated' Roger is sponsored by a worldwide known luxury brand that produces uncomplicated timepieces (Rolex).

He's been practicing with the watch, supposedly he should start playing official matches with it at Roland Garros. But will he? Players and especially champions are creatures of habit...

I think the more interesting angle of this story is whether wearing the watch during play is going to bother Rafa.  Brad Gilbert was talking about it yesterday.  It's one thing for someone with a one-handed backhand to wear one (Justine used to), it's another for a two-handed backhander to wear one (though Caro used to).  Add to that the fact that Rafa is right handed but plays tennis left-handed.  Which arm do you put it on?  Typically you wear watches on your non-writing/non-dominant hand.  So...yeah.  We'll see, I guess.

RG Day 3 OOP: My Highlighter Ran Out

Court Philippe Chatrier 11:00 Start Time

1. Women's Singles - First Round
Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) v. Justine Henin (BEL)[22]
2. Men's Singles - First Round
Andy Roddick (USA)[6] v. Jarkko Nieminen (FIN)
3. Women's Singles - First Round
Maria Elena Camerin (ITA) v. Marion Bartoli (FRA)[13]
4. Men's Singles - First Round
Lleyton Hewitt (AUS)[28] v. Jeremy Chardy (FRA)

Court Suzanne Lenglen 11:00 Start Time
1. Men's Singles - First Round
Fernando Verdasco (ESP)[7] v. Igor Kunitsyn (RUS)
2. Women's Singles - First Round
Dinara Safina (RUS)[9] v. Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN)
3. Men's Singles - First Round
Gianni Mina (FRA) v. Rafael Nadal (ESP)[2]
4. Women's Singles - First Round
Maria Sharapova (RUS)[12] v. Ksenia Pervak (RUS)

See the rest (doubles begins!) after the jump.

RG Day 2: Results

Oh noes!  Did Pam give you an itchy, too?

See full results after the jump.

Denting Clay.

Just wanted to give a quick shout out to Taylor Dent, who beat Nicolas Lapentti in straight sets by serving and volleying and slicing.  And he clocked a 149mph serve, which apparently broke a record for the fastest serve at RG.  EVAH.

I found myself really rooting for Taylor.  I'm sure part of it is because of his volleyball connections (he's Misty May's cousin and she was one of my idols when I was growing up, and she's partners with Kerri Walsh, who I played against/with in high school), but I really enjoyed watching his backhand slice.  It was giving Nico fits.  

Oh, and Halpert won in straight sets and gave a great presser about the new generation of American guys' respect for clay.  I love that he and Sam are taking the surface seriously and not doing what the prior group of guys did, which was hang out at in the States futzing around until the very last minute, playing one clay warmup tourney, and half-assing it at RG, and talking shit about clay as a surface.  Good job, boys.

Air Quotes: Serena Is All About Web 2.0.

SERENA WILLIAMS: Well, I tweet a lot. I have just really I don't know. I think it's cool. Sometimes I just tweet what's on my mind and sometimes maybe a little too much. I have a lot of fun with it. I think it's a cool way of connecting with, you know, the die hard fans. For me, I follow Green Day on Twitter, and whenever they tweet I get incredibly excited. I'm like, Oh, my God. I'm so happy and I really like to know what's going on in their lives because I'm a die hard Green Day fanatic. For those people that like me half as much as I like them, I like to keep them in the loop with my life.

Q. What do you like about Twitter? I'm writing a story on that. You're tweeting a lot.

SERENA WILLIAMS: I don't know. I like to see the reaction. Also, like, you can follow news on Twitter. You can hear the latest news really fast. It's just the future, and this is just the beginning of, you know, another Internet explosion. I like it. I can just stay in touch with my fans.

Janko Who?

A good day for Serbia as JJ cruised over Molik (sorry, Victoria), Viktor scored an upset over Tommy (sorry, Christina), Nole fought off Evgeny in four sets (sorry, Tracey), and Ana won in straight sets with her "C" game (sorry, NOBODY).

"You're Fit, But My Gosh Don't You Know It."

The motto for Survivor, a show that I have avoided ever watching for however long it's aired, is "Outwit, Outplay, Outlast."  It's actually a bit of a misnomer.  You don't actually have to outwit or outplay the other contestants to win.  All that matters is that you outlast them, however way you can.

That principle applied to the epic Reeshie/Moose match, a five setter that saw ridiculous quality from Richard in the first two sets, scrappy "how the hell is he hanging in there" Houdini shit from Muzzard, before, as many predicted, Ricky ran out of gas in the third set, allowing the fitter Moose to cruise to victory.

It was interesting match insofar as there were no villains (except the FFT, arguably) and despite the feeling of inevitability that crept in as Rico's legs and mind began to fail him, the match was full of drama and tension.  As a Moose fan, there was just so much to like about how Rich was striking the ball in those first two sets.  That one backhand down the line in the first set?  That second serve backhand return in the second?  You know which ones I'm talking about.  They were epic and welcome reminders as to why Richard Gasquet matters and why, whether or not he's playing one of your faves, it's important to root for him.  He falls into that category along with Nalby, Ernie, and Marcos.  Tennis is beautiful and varied when they play well.

But Ricardo ran out of gas (see how I'm avoiding the "Gassed-quet" pun? Discretion is the better part of valor).  Again, inevitable.  He's not fully fit in a "I can compete ever other week for a year" kind of way, and was coming off back-to-back tournaments and an 3+ hour grinding Nice final against FeVer.  I honestly don't think it would have made a difference if the FFT gave him an extra day.

As for Muzzard, even with all the caveats, this was an important win for him.  The way Rick was playing I fully expected Andy to lose his shit and go away.  But he fought hard and really, if a few points go the other way *cough*muffedvolleyintothenetonsetpoint*cough*, who knows.  This could have been a straight set win for the Moose.  But the conjecture is irrelevant.  He fought, he stayed with it, and all the wind sprints chasing Florida cheerleaders in the off-season paid off.  So good on him.

Now don't let it go to waste, Moose.

Hawkin' It.

If you've been watching TC or ESPN, you've already heard commentators harp on how RG might as well institute Hawk-Eye.  It's hard to argue why not, I mean, we have the technology and we can't possibly think that the ball marks are 100% accurate.  But Steve Tignor makes an interesting argument against it (uh, once you get past the weird "THAT UMPIRE WAS HOT!" anecdote).

Thoughts?

Air Quotes: I Love Drop Shots So Much I Wanna Take It Behind The Middle School and Get It Pregnant.

“I played a great match, I’m really happy,” Federer said. “It was kind of a (drop shot) festival, it’s good when it works but when it doesn’t, you look a bit ridiculous.”

-- Fed, on his newfound love for drop shots.  As an aside, hate the sleeves on his new kit, but I think the kicks are dope.

Pic This: RG Day 1

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood.  Walk with me.

Gisela!  It's singles!  Flavi's not there.  Focus!

"So what I'm gonna do is I'm going to hit more to his forehand, like high topspin, and push him back behind the baseline.  Then I'm going hit this shot, have you heard of it?  It's called a forehand drop shot.  Anyway, apparently it works on clay.  I just figured this out.  Yeah, I know, I'm brilliant.  So like I was saying..."

More after the jump.

Air Quotes: That Was Way Harsh, Tai.

"It looks emotional .  She just looks panicked.  She almost reminds me of Ana Ivanovic and that look of panic that Ana had when she started her decline from the rankings after she won the French. Not swinging out, looking at her coach.  It really doesn't look physical to me, it looks emotional."

-- Corina responding to Lindsay's question as to whether Vika looks like she's having physical trouble moving.

RG Day 2 OOP: EEK!

Court Philippe Chatrier 11:00 Start Time

1. Women's Singles - First Round
Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) v. Caroline Wozniacki (DEN)[3]
2. Men's Singles - First Round
Roger Federer (SUI)[1] v. Peter Luczak (AUS)
3. Women's Singles - First Round
Serena Williams (USA)[1] v. Stefanie Voegele (SUI)
4. Men's Singles - First Round
Florian Mayer (GER) v. Gael Monfils (FRA)[13]

Court Suzanne Lenglen 11:00 Start Time
1. Women's Singles - First Round
Kristina Mladenovic (FRA) v. Na Li (CHN)[11]
2. Men's Singles - First Round
Evgeny Korolev (KAZ) v. Novak Djokovic (SRB)[3]
3. Men's Singles - First Round
Andy Murray (GBR)[4] v. Richard Gasquet (FRA)
4. Women's Singles - First Round
Jelena Jankovic (SRB)[4] v. Alicia Molik (AUS)

Court 1 11:00 Start Time
1. Men's Singles - First Round
Benoit Paire (FRA) v. Olivier Rochus (BEL)
2. Women's Singles - First Round
Roberta Vinci (ITA) v. Virginie Razzano (FRA)
3. Women's Singles - First Round
Kai-Chen Chang (TPE) v. Ana Ivanovic (SRB)
4. Men's Singles - First Round

Michael Llodra (FRA) v. Thomaz Bellucci (BRA)[24]

See the rest after the jump.

RG Day 1: Results

WTA: Singles - First Round

(2) Venus Williams (USA) d. Patty Schnyder (SUI) 63 63
(6) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) d. Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 63 61
Gisela Dulko (ARG) d. (10) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) 61 62
(14) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Anne Keothavong (GBR) 62 62
(15) Aravane Rezai (FRA) d. (Q) Heidi El Tabakh (CAN) 61 61
(19) Nadia Petrova (RUS) d. (Q) Zhang Shuai (CHN) 60 63
Akgul Amanmuradova (UZB) d. (20) María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 62 64
(26) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) d. (Q) Ekaterina Ivanova (RUS) 62 60
(30) Maria Kirilenko (RUS) d. Karolina Sprem (CRO) 76(5) 64
Andrea Petkovic (GER) d. Elena Vesnina (RUS) 46 61 64
Agnes Szavay (HUN) d. (WC) Stéphanie Foretz (FRA) 62 62
Angelique Kerber (GER) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 57 76(2) 64
Yvonne Meusburger (AUT) d. (WC) Claire Feuerstein (FRA) 76(4) 63
Johanna Larsson (SWE) d. Anastasija Sevastova (LAT) 62 62
Varvara Lepchenko (USA) d. (WC) Christina McHale (USA) 75 63
(Q) Chanelle Scheepers (RSA) d. (WC) Mathilde Johansson (FRA) 62 64

ATP: Singles - First Round

[5] R Soderling (SWE) d L Recouderc (FRA) 60 62 63
[8] J Tsonga (FRA) d D Brands (GER) 46 63 62 67(2) 75  
[10] M Cilic (CRO) d R Mello (BRA) 61 36 63 61
[11] M Youzhny (RUS) d M Przysiezny (POL) 61 60 64
J Benneteau (FRA) d [23] E Gulbis (LAT) 64 62 10 ret. (right thigh)
[29] A Montanes (ESP) d S Galvani (ITA) 63 63 63
[32] G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d R Schuettler (GER) 75 64 62
J Ouanna (FRA) d L Kubot (POL) 76(5) 67(4) 62 64 
T De Bakker (NED) d O Patience (FRA) 64 57 64 63
T Kamke (GER) d S Robert (FRA) 60 64 63 
A Falla (COL) d J Tipsarevic (SRB) 61 62 63
M Chiudinelli (SUI) d S Devvarman (IND) 63 36 63 36 63
J Chela (ARG) d R Sweeting (USA) 60 64 76(4)
F Fognini (ITA) d N Massu (CHI) 61 36 26 63 63
E Roger-Vasselin (FRA) d K Anderson (RSA) 16 46 63 76(4) 61 
M Yani (USA) vs L Lacko (SVK) 64 67(5) 67(4) 76(5) 8-8 - play suspended

Flash Gordon

Venus had a tough 1st round draw with Peppermint but she had no problems dismissing her in straight sets.  I thought Venus was surprisingly aggressive.  FINALLY!  That's how you need to play all the time, Big Sister!  All this is to say, she looked good.

She also looked *good*.  I *love* Venus' Can-Can dress.  It actually fits her well, it's cheeky with the see through lace, and she's causing all the old creepy men in the press room to pull their collars and hide their tiny hard-ons behind their tiny notebooks. 

Come on, boys.  Have you never seen a hot piece of ass before?  Calm the fuck down.

Air Quotes: Perspective

Sorry, Anne.

Fucking French Tyrants!

Jo survived an intense five-set challenge from German Daniel Brands, coming back from a break down in the fifth to move on, 46 63 62 67(2) 75.  Jo has been under the weather and was a little peeved at the FFT for refusing to push his match off to tomorrow.  But the dude survived, will have some time to rest, and he's now 3-0 in five-setters. 

Much to the delight of the home crowd.

And speaking of being pissed at the FFT, Nice champ Dickie Gasket is pissed that he's scheduled to play his first round match against Moose tomorrow.  Not only is he understandably wiped from playing Nice, he also suffered a leg injury that he's trying to heal.  

Do I think the FFT should bend to their players' wants?  No.  Tourney schedules are tight and someone's going to get fucked.But good luck getting any Frenchies to play Nice next year.

I Got a Feeling...That I Really Love Jo and Moose

One is too cool for school. The other is...not.

MGMT's Second Effort Sucked. Fact.

 

Person of the Day nominee, Akgul Amanmuradova takes out MGMT, 64 62.  So...there goes that storyline.  But thank you, Akgul, for ensuring that I don't have to see her slice and dice for the next two weeks.

Did anyone watch this match?  I mean, how do you not win this 60 60 simply by hitting nothing but dropshots?  Even in a neck brace she should have been able to pull this off.  So weird.

Yo Bookie! Give Me My Money!

As I predicted on this week's FDPodcast, Vika was the first seed to fall as Gisela waxed her 61 62.

 

Sorry, France.  You won't have this Pinkie to kick around this year.

UPDATED: Franzia For All.

Well that changes things a bit, doesn't it? 

Ernie, trailing 64 62 10, retired from his match with Apricot after sustaining a thigh injury early in the match.  So...the pressure's on you, Gael.

Perhaps the worst thing about Ernie's retirement is we get no Ernie pressers.  That is fucking bullshit.  

But in good news, Apricot is still fun to look at.

UPDATED: Quotes from Ernie:

Gulbis suffered the injury while reaching to return a serve in the second set. "I stretched my leg, my hamstrings, and I heard two cracks," he said. "I don't know why, so I'm going to go to MRI to hospital in 20 minutes and check it. I hope it's nothing serious, because it can be anything, but it's for sure a little stretch of the muscle.

Drink Now or Forever Hold Your Piss.

As promised, here are the official rules Forty Deuce Drinking Game: Roland Garros Edition.  Guaranteed to destroy your liver by Day 3 or your money back.

Sip every time:

• Lynn Welch overrules a call and is right.
• Fedal is mentioned.
• Caro hits a moonball.
• A commentator refers to Rafa as "The King of Clay".
• Monfils does something equally crowd-pleasing yet career-threatening.
• Sveta anger-tweets away the pain.
• John McEnroe talks over a point.
• The commentators mention Justine's "beautiful game".
  
• The cameras catch Mirka texting, snapping gum or otherwise looking bored out of her skull.
• Dragana does her "living statue" impression.
• A-Rad looks like she's pissed about something.
  
• Commies bemoan the collective serving woes of the WTA.
• ESPN mentions the potential of an All-Williams Final.
• Sammy Stones fires down an ace.
  
• Justine shoots a look at Carlos.
• Daveed sticks out his tongue.
• Fed hits a forehand drop shot.  This escalates to a chug if we get a Fedal final.
  
• Daveed holds a towel in his mouth.
• Brad Gilbert intentionally or unintentionally fucks someone's name up. 
  
• Masha double-faults.
• Ana catches a ball toss.
• The commies mention Dinara's "slump".
• Commies bring up Fed's amazing inside out FH breakpoint down against Haas last year and how that changed THE ENTIRE COURSE OF HUMAN HISTORY AS WE KNOW IT!!!
• The Parisian crowd either whistles at a player or an umpire.
• Aunt Pimmy's hair is frizzy

Gulp every time:

• Kader confirms an out call by wagging his finger at a player.
• Chris makes fun of Brad's creative use of language.
• "Dickie Gasquet".
• Justin Gimelstob looks like he's got some oil in his T-Zone.
  
• Clips of Rafa falling down or pushing the cameraman out of the way after his RG08 loss.
• Nole's penchant for retiring in matches is mentioned.
• Fer doublefaults on game, set or match point.
• Tennis Channel sends Corina out on the grounds to awkwardly interview people.
  
• Serena lets out a primal roar.
• There's a reference to "The Spanish Armada" with no reference to Tommy Robredo
  
• JJ goes to the ground.
  

Chug every time:

• You have the urge to either make out with Darren or crawl into Cliffy's lap.  If you get the urge to make out with Pam or crawl into Mary's lap, you seriously need to stop the game ASAP.  It's not funny anymore.  You could really get hurt.
• Rafa wins a set losing fewer than 3 games.
• Feli tries to distract his opponent by showing a little thigh.
• The commentators discuss the possibility of Fed or Serena getting the Grand Slam.
• Mono calls an MTO
• A-Rod goes apeshit on an umpire.
• There's a rain delay.
  
• The commies talk about Rafa's parents' divorce.
• Vika bitches. About...whatever.
  
• JJ starts or continues beef.
• Sammy Stones muffs an easy volley.
  
• The commentators talk up the U.S. men's prospects on clay.
• "Handapalooza" is mentioned.
• You really really miss JMDP.
  
• The clip of Masha's "Cow on Ice" plays.
  
• Sveta is even mentioned.
• The Frenchies are referred to as "Musketeers".
  
• The Adidas Player Development Program is mentioned.
• The commies mention how ridiculous it is that Nole could end the tournament at #1.
  

Clean a box of Franzia if:

• Fed loses before the semifinals.
• Ernie loses in the first round.
• Andy Murray makes it to the quarterfinals.
• Nole retires from a match.
• Masha makes it further in the draw than Justine.
• Ana makes the quarterfinals.
• JJ finally beats Justine.
• Flavia and Gisela win the doubles title.

Give up on tennis and pursue a life of vagrant alcoholism if:

• The winner on the WTA side comes from the bottom half of the draw.

Have fun.  Be safe.  And just remember:  There is nothing more pathetic than having horrible drunk sex based on a tennis drinking game.  Like, seriously, you guys.

Pic This: FD Yearbook

Best Smile.

 

Most Likely To "Just Be Breezy".

 

Most Likely To Smell Like Bong Water.

Most Likely To Bake You a Cake On Your 16th Birthday and Sit Dangerously on a Glass Dining Table With You.  Probably Drives a Porsche, Too.  Wears Argyle.  

Most Likely To Own a Flowbee.

See more after the jump.

RG: Day 1 OOP

Aw, shit, y'all!  Let's go!

Philippe Chatrier (11:00 Start)

Women's Singles - First Round
Svetlana Kuznetsova(RUS)[6] vs. Sorana Cirstea(ROU)

Men's Singles - First Round
Laurent Recouderc(FRA) vs. Robin Soderling(SWE)[5]

Women's Singles - First Round
Aravane Rezai(FRA)[15] vs. Heidi El Tabakh(CAN)

Men's Singles - First Round
Daniel Brands(GER) vs. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga(FRA)[8]

Court Suzanne Lenglen (11:00 Start)

Men's Singles - First Round
Marin Cilic(CRO)[10] vs. Ricardo Mello(BRA)

Women's Singles - First Round
Gisela Dulko(ARG) vs. Victoria Azarenka(BLR)[10]

Men's Singles - First Round
Julien Benneteau(FRA) vs. Ernests Gulbis(LAT)[23]

Women's Singles - First Round
Patty Schnyder(SUI) vs. Venus Williams(USA)[2]

Court 1 (11:00 Start)

Women's Singles - First Round
Mathilde Johansson(FRA) vs. Chanelle Scheepers(RSA)

Men's Singles - First Round
Mikhail Youzhny(RUS)[11] vs. Michal Przysiezny(POL)

Women's Singles - First Round
Flavia Pennetta(ITA)[14] vs. Anne Keothavong(GBR)

Men's Singles - First Round
Josselin Ouanna(FRA) vs. Lukasz Kubot(POL)

Court 2 (11:00 Start)

Men's Singles - First Round
Olivier Patience(FRA) vs. Thiemo De Bakker(NED)

Women's Singles - First Round
Karolina Sprem(CRO) vs. Maria Kirilenko(RUS)[30]

Men's Singles - First Round
Stephane Robert(FRA) vs. Tobias Kamke(GER)

Women's Singles - First Round
Agnes Szavay(HUN) vs. Stephanie Foretz(FRA)

Court 3 (11:00 Start)

Women's Singles - First Round
Dominika Cibulkova(SVK)[26] vs. Ekaterina Ivanova(RUS)

Men's Singles - First Round
Janko Tipsarevic(SRB) vs. Alejandro Falla(COL)

Women's Singles - First Round
Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez(ESP)[20] vs. Akgul Amanmuradova(UZB)

Men's Singles - First Round
Somdev Devvarman(IND) vs. Marco Chiudinelli(SUI)

Court 6 (11:00 Start)

Women's Singles - First Round
Christina Mchale(USA) vs. Varvara Lepchenko(USA)

Men's Singles - First Round
Guillermo Garcia-Lopez(ESP)[32] vs. Rainer Schuettler(GER)

Women's Singles - First Round
Anna Chakvetadze(RUS) vs. Angelique Kerber(GER)

Men's Singles - First Round
Juan Ignacio Chela(ARG) vs. Ryan Sweeting(USA)

Court 7 (11:00 Start)

Men's Singles - First Round
Nicolas Massu(CHI) vs. Fabio Fognini(ITA)

Women's Singles - First Round
Yvonne Meusburger(AUT) vs. Claire Feuerstein(FRA)

Men's Singles - First Round
Edouard Roger-Vasselin(FRA) vs. Kevin Anderson(RSA)

Women's Singles - First Round
Shuai Zhang(CHN) vs. Nadia Petrova(RUS)[19]

Court 17 (11:00 Start)

Women's Singles - First Round
Elena Vesnina(RUS) vs. Andrea Petkovic(GER)

Men's Singles - First Round
Albert Montanes(ESP)[29] vs. Stefano Galvani(ITA)

Women's Singles - First Round
Johanna Larsson(SWE) vs. Anastasija Sevastova(LAT)

Men's Singles - First Round
Michael Yani(USA) vs. Lukas Lacko(SVK)

Air Quotes: Team Fed.

"Last year, I got asked a lot of questions about why I wasn't doing as well in the slams.  It's all well and good winning the Masters Series but the slams are what is important. This year, the one slam I played, I played very, very well - the best tennis of my life."

-- Muzzard, on the importance of doing well at the Slams.

Pic This: Your Move, Liezel.

Pic This: My House.

Welcome home.

Aw.  Sharpei Rafa is one of my favorite Rafas. 

I want to take a nap in the folds of his face.

Oh, don't be shy.  Git it done, boy.

"I've Got a Nice Little Halo Over My Head. I'm Also Completely Wasted."

 

On this week's FD Podcast, French Open edition, the team attempts to break down the RG draws, we try (and fail) to avoid a Roger/Rafa final, we answer some Twitter and Facebook fan questions, and I get all up in Serbia's jock.

And Katie brings up Squeakergate.  Somehow.

Just a reminder, you can download the podcast directly below (right-click save), listen to it on the page (just click it), or subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.

FD Podcast #17: Oh L'amour

"She's Not Dead. She's Happy."

Nice profile on WeatherVane in the NY Times.  Crazy seems to run in the family.

Interesting observation though about how her game is a bit similar to Mary Pierce's.

Oh Boy.

I fell asleep waiting for the RG draw to come out (the prospect of Fed in a suit jacket will do that to ya) so I'm just getting around to it right now.  You can download printable copies of the men's and women's draw here.  Let's just say the early rounds won't be snoozers, kids.

So while you're waiting for my always cutting, illuminary, incendiary commentary, please watch L-Rob being awesome:

Nice.

Sod lost to a dude half his size. 

In other news that is kinda relevant, DB Chuck, Sex, and Dr. Ivo, have withdrawn from RG.  I'm sure their very large fan bases are staging a revolt as we speak. 

"I Hate Uncle Jamie!"

I just want to take the time to issue a heartfelt congratulations to James LaRosa for successfully creating a drinking game that even Alcoholics Anonymous would endorse.  In fact, I bet you they'll play this game at their next meeting. 

I'm calling dibs on their leftovers.  What do I need the leftovers for?  Well for the awesome Forty Deuce endorsed drinking game we're all going to make up.

So I posit you this hypothetical:

You're a tennis blogger.  You are currently unemployed and thus have all the time in the world to cover Roland Garros to the max.  This of course means that you actually have no excuse and will actually have to watch almost every minute of coverage.  Given the current shambolic state of tennis this could be a special kind of dirt covered hell.  You want -- nay, *need* -- to get drunk as quickly as possible every single fucking day.  But you don't want to just drink willy-nilly.  I mean, getting voluntarily shit-canned by 7am PST every day is pretty much a one way ticket to an intervention.  That's just flat out alcoholism, people.

But.  BUT.  What if you didn't have a choice?  What if you were playing a drinking game?  It's a game!  You didn't *want* to drink but the rules of the game command you to drink.  And you were raised to obey rules.  Mama didn't raise no anarchist. 

So, suggest your rules in the comments.  I'll compile and post the official FD RG10 Drinking Game rules before play begins.

Oh, also, if train A leaves Chicago traveling 100 mph and train B leaves New York traveling 150 mph, and the distance between the two cities is 600 miles, how far from New York will it be when the two trains meet?