Forty Deuce

Dud.

It was supposed to be the match of the day.  A blockbuster display of heavy hitting in the intimate Margaret Court Arena under the blazing Aussie afternoon sun.  Instead, it was a hitting clinic from Tomas and yet another injury disappointment for Fernando.

It took Tomas less than two hours to dispatch a hobbled Fernando, 64 62 63, who reportedly has a broken bone in his foot that may require surgery.  He's got Novak next in the quarterfinals and he'll have his work cut out for him.  Nole has looked fantastic and as Ana watched from his box (!!!) he clocked Nico Almagro, dropping a bagel in the third. 

If that match is on Hisense I'm gonna kick someone in the balls.

(Pics: Getty)

Pic This: Don't Ask.

Apparently this is what you do after your homeboy Viktor retires against you with a stomach injury.  You dance.  Shirtless.  On a court.  Somewhere. 

I wuff you.

(Pic: AP)

Pic This: Let's Get Happy.

 

Day 1 is in the books, it's 3 am, and I'm pooped.  Which means that these captions are not going to make any sense. 

Hands down the best picture of the dress I could find.

Djok o' Lantern.

Even his hair is giving you the thumbs up!  Adorable.

How do you spell relief?

S-A-N-I-A-M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N

Giggle, Giggle, PORN.

I love Andy's "WOT?"

We all were, A-Rod.



The decision to go handle was money, Ana.



Oh, Nole. 

Boob bump fail at 9:07. Some topspin porn after that, too.

Pic This: One Last Look at R4R

Pervy.  But in a totally Dick way.

Well at least she was useful for something.

Nope.

Still not over it.

"Oh, shit. JJ's landing."

Best. Prep School. Ever.

(Pics: Getty, Australian Open Site)

This Is Why My Sport Rules and Your Sport Can Kiss Nole's Fine Cherry Ass.

The Rally For Relief was a huge success both on and off the court, much the surprise of no-one.  On their way to ensuring that Ana will require testing for STDs, the exhibition raised $1.8 million dollars thanks to some very generous and very necessary corporate matching programs.  That number will continue to rise over the fortnight, as players will be auctioning off gear, collections will be taken all over the grounds, and more events are surely planned.

People look at my quizzically whenever I tell them I'm a tennis fan.  Apparently it seems like a really weird sport to follow with such passion and fervor.  Whenever they ask me why I love it, I never say "Oh, I love the game, it's beautiful to watch" or "Rafa Nadal's forehand" or "I just really like the one-on-one competition."  That's not to say those statements aren't true, it's just that they aren't the reasons that pop up immediately in my mind.

Nope, I love tennis because of the personalities.  I have genuine love and respect for these people as human beings (yes, even Roger).  Is that really creepy to say?  They're just good people.  Is there any other sport that can take the top players in the game, throw them onto a court with mics and a can of tennis balls, and have them, rather spontaneously, put on the tennis equivalent of a Harlem Globetotters show?  Sure, basketball exos can be fun, but aren't those more about "Oh, shit, look at what sick skill Kobe has!" as opposed, "Look at Andy Roddick being stupid just because he knows it'll make us laugh."

All the things that I personally love about this sport were on full display on Laver today.  It was an absolute pleasure.

The players were in full exhibition mode (well, most of them) and so long as you have Nole and A-Rod around, you know you're in for a good time.  

The event started with a team competition with Rafter, Moose, A-Rod, Vika, and Bepa on one team, and Lleyton, Justine, Caro, Ana, and Nole on the other. Caro was a bit of a dud, as evidenced by the fact that Lleyton's kid cried the second she picked him up.  Also her dress looked crap.  Don't believe me?  Ask Judy.

While Nole and A-Rod were the exo stalwarts, pulling out all their usual tricks (A-Rod mocking line judges, Nole doing everything except playing tennis) I think the emerging exo stars of the show were Moose and Ana. 

Ana stole the show for the ladies, chatting and giggling into her mic and seemed totally game for all the flirting and innuendo jokes.  Her "Novak, get behind me.  Well, you know what I mean..." got the biggest guffaw from me.  She's come a long way from being the dead silent one at exos (see her appearances at USO Kids Day if you don't know what I'm talking about).

But the point of the match basically involved Moose and Ana hitting to each and making sexy grunts for what felt like a good 5 minutes, and seriously, if you closed your eyes the only conclusion you could come to is that Ana should, in a few weeks, pee on a stick.  Because girl, you pregnant with a vampire baby. Everyone needed a moist towelette after that one.

JUST GET NAKED AND DO IT!

Is that a true and genuine smile from my boyfriend?

It must be love.

Next up was Fed and Sam vs. Rafa and Kim.  This one was a bit of a letdown after the laughs a minute riot of the first match.  There were no antics, just some light, competitive hitting.  The players weren't even mic'd up and no one really knows why.  But the match was worth it for this and this alone:

If you could please allow me to clear my throat before I add any commentary...*cough*...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHFOREVER.

You a do your part and donate here.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

Yeah, Yeah, Yuk It Up, Yuksters.

Nole and Rafa took to an open-roofed Laver to giggle their way through a light hit.  Rafa had been practicing for quite some time before, I believe.  I got lost trying to get back to the media center and I thought I saw him practicing on an indoor court an hour before this.  Either it was him or there's some other player who likes to wear his bull hats.

Both were in a jolly mood.  You could hear Novak and his team guffawing from outside the Arena.  He was catching lobs in his pocket, hitting no-look backhands, and otherwise getting chatty with Rafa.  Rafa meanwhile was taking volleys off the head and chest.  Intentionally, I should probably add. 

I can't wait to see what these two bring on Sunday.  The Rally For Relief has already sold out.  That crowd is in for a treat.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: This Is How You Bust a Gut.

Ana's back on the courts practicing in Melbourne (yay!), but let us not forget how this abdominal injury  happened.  It's a cautionary tale for us all.

I'm shocked she didn't sprain her face muscles, too.

(Pics: AP, Hopman Cup site)

What's Next? Last Tango In Paris? (PLEASE NO)

Nole does his best Brando impression. I just can't take it anymore. He's just too great.

Thanks to Lana at Great Tennis Photos for finding it.

Air Quotes: Good Boy.

 

On that note Novak in the Davis Cup or the Hopman Cup, which match do you have the best team-mate?

 

(Ivanovic) Well you can’t ask that question with me sitting here.

 

(Djokovic) Honestly. What do you think?

 

(Ivanovic) You’ll have to ask that when I’m not here.

 

(Djokovic) I mean I like my colleagues from the Davis Cup team, but you know I’d rather chose Ana.

 

(Ivanovic) Thank you.

Gold.

Wiggle It, Just A Little Bit...

With Nole clinching a spot for Team Serbia in the Hopman Cup finals, our lovely duo went into the mixed doubles in full exhibition mode. The Djoker was in full effect, dropping to the fetal position at the net, trying trick shots, and Ana was a smiling, giggly schoolgirl throughout. It was absolutely glorious.

But the exchange of the match was when Nole, with Ana serving, started deliberately wiggling his ass at Ana while she readied to serve. She hit a huge fault and stood with her hands on her hips staring him down (I mean, "staring down" in an Ana way, which is to say "giggling embarrassingly"). She would drop her serve and make a move to literally kick Nole's ass.

And Nole didn't let her forget it in the post-match interview.

Overall, a good day for the Serbs.  Ana lost her highly anticipated match against Justine 64 63, but she didn't play horribly, had her break chances, and the Justine was just steadier.  I think the scoreline and the match was a good reflection of the gap between them at the moment. 

Pic This: Dorks. Both of You.

Who knew?

Pic This: Jay Z and Beyonce Ain't Got Nothin' On These Two.

 

YOU GUYS.  STOP IT.  YOU'RE KILLING ME.

It's like they're reading FD and doing this just to toy with me.  Which I'm totally ok with.

Siiiiiiiiigh.  Dreamy.

 

Oh, Antonio.  You had no idea what you were getting yourself into, huh?

Adorable.  All of it.  But you're still my fave, Leather.

(Pics: Hopman Cup site)

Pic This: JUST SAY YES, ANA.

He knew you when you wore braces.  He still wanted to be friends.

And when you could clearly beat him in an arm wrestling competition, he was man enough not to be intimidated.

He liked you even though you wore ridiculous accessories.

Your families are tight.

And he just...keeps...asking.

You two are adorable.  Thanks for making Hopman Cup so fun.

You're more than welcome to use this as your wedding slideshow.

Pic This: Better Late Than Never.

Pics from the New Year's Eve Hopman Cup Ball have been posted and, as expected, they are glorious.

Laura, her family, and what looks to be a diamond encrusted Snitch.

Lleyton having a good time.

Slava rocking the shit out of her dress.  Love the hair, too.

Sex hair!

Justine.  I think.

LiveStrong bracelet?  Check.  Skate shoes?  Check.  No tie?  Check.

LET'S GO PARTY!

Nole with the $8000 autographed guitar (by Queen) that he bought as a gift.

Nole rocking some pretty amazing "Stare-Off-Into-The-Distance-Can't-Focus-My-Eyes-ZOMG-Gotta-Pretend-I'm-Not-Shithoused" Face.  Cheers to you, Falcon.  Well-earned.

(Pics: Hopman Cup site)

Make Me a Sandwich.

Andy mentioned that he would be practicing with Nole today at 1pm, so with a bit of sleuthing (thanks, Alex!) I found out that they weren't practicing at the Burswood Dome but at the State Tennis Centre, 3/4 of a mile up the road.  So I did the walk under the midday sun (which oddly felt like a walk of shame but in reverse) to see my two boys futz about on a tennis court.

After almost getting run over by Robbie's driver (not really, I exaggerate), I walked up to see my boys already sweaty and chatting about life, love, and other mysteries (read: soccer).  They had a light hit (Isner was practicing with Mahut one court over) and then called it a day.

But not before kindly stopping to take some pictures with fans.  Really cool of both of them.  The only thing that stopped me from hopping in there was the fact that I unintentionally wore a t-shirt with hearts and arrows on it. 

Well, that and my self-respect.  Equally.  I think.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Seriously. How Did That Happen?

Team Serbia already clinched the tie (generally solid fist-pumpy match from Ana, unbeatable stuff from Nole) but a clean sweep over Australia would mean they only had to win one match in their next tie against Belgium to make the finals.  With that Justine chick lurking, getting two wins wouldn't be a Slam dunk.  So in the grand scheme of things (as grand as exos can be, really) the mixed rubber against Australia was kind of huge.

Things started out fine, as Ana and Nole were pretty laid back and giggly.  But Australia was taking this all seriously and shit and the sitch got real pretty quick.  After dropping the first set in a tiebreak, the Serbs looked pretty much done.  Nole couldn't hit a return in to save his lif and the only way they kept it close was...wait for it...BECAUSE ANA WAS NAILS.  Yes, Serbian Barbie was pretty much carrying this team through much of the match (uh...which was why they were losing, frankly) with some absolute pwnage of Lleyton's serve.  Even I felt embarassed for him.  She was killing the ball.

But late in the second set fatigue seemed to set in for both Serbs and it looked like Australia was going to be able to close out the match fairly easily.  Ana wasn't moving for balls and Nole couldn't execute for shit. But then, all of a sudden, the two played some pretty impeccable tennis for 20 minutes and were able to come back from a break down to win the second set and then take the super tie-break. 

They were, deservedly, pleased.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: That Ain't No Girl. That's a Lady.

No idea why, but at one point during the mixed rubber Ana went to her chair and, instead of utilizing her generally impeccable posture, just slumped into it as though she were a blogger in front of the TV or something.  I couldn't get my camera out fast enough (because I was laughing too hard) but about 5 seconds before this picture was taken she had her head back and was just sitting there, slumped, staring at the ceiling.

This goes down as the funniest goddamn thing I have ever personally witnessed from Ana Ivanovic.  Hopman Cup rules.

Pic This: More Serbtastic Sundays.

What I lack in photography skill I make up for with recognition and quick hands. 

Papa Ivanovic, making a quick run to the car 30 minutes before Ana took the court.

Pretty damn near impossible to take pictures at an Ana match and not get a load of fistpumps and ball toss catches.

I totally "awwwwwwwwed" when I saw Papa Ivanovic put his arm around Dragana.  When do you ever see that from tennis parents?  I can't think of one instance, honestly.  At one point, Dragana had her arm around him, too.

Or they were airing out their pits.  It was hot in there.

Ana smiling and chatting with the 'rents.

THIS was the shot I was waiting for all night and I was bummed that the photoagencies didn't get a good shot of it.  Happy times.

Speaking of happy times...

I'm going to pretend Nole's kissing her hand. 

Man hands, 12 o'clock.

Just a couple of kids.  Playing Ken and Barbie.

 

Ken and Barbie. Ajde.

Well I know he’s a good friend because you have known one another since you were five years old.

(Ivanovic) I think four.

Four?

(Djokovic) Yeah basically we started playing tennis together – we also played with Barbie and Ken as well. So we have been through a lot, you can say.

(Presser link)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  They were so cute!

It was all smiles for Serbia as they started their HC campaign with a 3-0 win over Kazakhstan.  So many great moments.  Ana's raised arm celebration at her box after a particularly nifty pick-up volley.  Nole's stunned reaction at said pick-up volley.  Ana's vibration dampner somehow flying across the court.  The smiley changeovers.  The totally fake discussion of tactics.  It was all groovy.

But my favorite moment was when Nole hit a winner in his singles match and turned to fistpump at Ana, who was sitting in the box.  It wasn't just *any* fistpump.  It was *the* fistpump.  It was adorable.

Speaking of *the* fistpump, it didn't take the off-season lightly.  It's back on a mission:

Someone's been using the Shake Weight.

(Pics: Getty)

 

Quite Possibly The Greatest New Year's Picture Ever Taken.

If this picture is any indication, 2011 is going to be an awesome-sauce cocktail.

Novak Djokovic: GOAT Schiller of Goods.

Worth it for the Hyundai footage alone.

Oh Look. There's More.

And in case you missed the post match festivities....

Champ Stamp > Tramp Stamp.

Shaved heads or not, who wouldn't lick them?

Thanks for the link, Miljan.

(Pic: Mondo)

Pic This: How Do You Say "WOOT" In Serbian?

This picture is amazing.  I have nothing more to say.

Whee!

I don't know.  Your head is still shinier.

Monchichi!

The Dog Days Are Over.

So this was kind of a big deal.

When I think about what Serbia was able to accomplish, not just this year but over the course of the past three years to qualify for World Group, three words come to mind: team, resilience, and pride.

Team:  These are the same four players who have been playing together for over three years.  The bonds reflect that.  All I have to know about this team was what I saw on Friday.  After Novak won the second rubber, he ran over to the bench and started high fiving everyone in the team box.  When he saw Janko, he stopped and grabbed him, giving him a big hug and kissing his head.  He could have easily just given him a high five.  But Nole took the moment to let Tipsy know that the team was still with him and that the tie wasn't over.  Brothers in arms, standing together, at the end of a long journey.  You could see that they were not only happy for themselves, but happy for each other.  Amazing.

Resilience: Serbia becomes the 13th nation to hoist the Davis Cup and only the second unseeded team to win it.  They do so after blowing a 2-0 lead in the doubles rubber on Saturday with Viktor, who struggled in the last three sets of that doubles match, rebounding to take a straight set victory over Mikey Llodes, who had been unbeaten in Davis Cup all year.  Let's also not forget Janko's heroic semifinal wins over Tomas and Radek to get them here.  And of course, Novak Djokovic.  It's hard to imagine the amount of pressure he must have felt all year as the Serbs made their run.  But the sometimes fickle-flower went undefeated all year in singles.  The Serbs are a stubborn people.  In this case that stubborness translated into immovable...

Pride:  Has there been a Davis Cup in recent memory that meant more to a nation?  Scrap that.  Has there been a Davis Cup in recent memory that meant more, period?  Am I trading in hyperbole?  I honestly don't think so.  I'm not Serbian, I wasn't at the tie, and maybe I'm totally talking out of my ass here, but didn't it feel as though all of Serbia had its eyes on Belgrade Arena this weekend?  FOR TENNIS.  A sport that was considered "a girl's sport" for so many years.  The only comparable I can think of is if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon.  But even then I don't think it will compare to what happened for the nation of Serbia, the four men who became national heroes, or the sport of tennis in that country in the span of 72 hours.  You can see it in every single picture that has beamed out across the world. 

Congrats to Serbia and to all the Serbian fans around the world.  Thanks for letting the rest of us tag along.  This was awesome.

(Pics: Getty, AFP, Reuters)

I'm Officially Freaking Out.

I have totally been taking this tie for granted all week.  "Pfft.  There's no way Serbia loses this one.  Not at home."  And then, somewhere between this morning's draw ceremony and all the Qatar outrage, I flipped. 

"Shit.  They could totally lose this."

I'm not sure whether it's my incisive tennis analysis or my tendency to adopt the Serbian "doom and gloom" paranoia when something doesn't look like a sure thing.  All I know is that the frazzle came and I'm not sure what to do. 

I mean, everyone is picking you guys to win.  Pete Bodo thinks it'll be a 3-0 sweep!  Augh!  Stress!

First up tomorrow will be Tipsy vs. Gael.  Despite Viktor recent form (win in Moscow), I think this is the right call.  Janko has been a DC stalwart and he has the guts to step on court in front of 18,000 screaming Serbs and focus to get the job done.  Despite the fact that these two have engaged in the worst trash talking ever ("You're nervous." "Bish, please, I ain't nervous.  You should be nervous."), I think this match is a total toss-up.  I am really interested to see how Gael will deal with this raucous crowd (in the undercard of crowd vs. umpire, I'm going with the crowd). 

Gael won their last match at the USO, but if I recall, Tipsy was physically spent from his Roddick match.  Someone on the FD FB page said that Tipsy may be carrying an injury into this tie.  Take that with a grain of salt, but...FRAZZLE ROCK.

Guy has indeed tapped Gilles over Llodra -- in hopes of saving Mikey's energy for dubs and maybe reverse singles -- to face Nole in the second rubber.  On paper, this looks like a straight set win all the way.  Gilles is 1-5 against Nole, with that first win coming in their first match ever.  Their last match, in Beijing was a 63 62 shellacking.  To me, there's no way Gilles is going to win this match.  All he and Team France can hope is that he makes it a long one and drains some of that Nole energy for Sunday. 

This could go down as an MJ/Coco decision for Guy.  Personally, I think it's the right move.  In the event the Sunday rubbers are live, I'd rather throw a relatively fresh Mikey out there.  He has the maturity to deal with the crowd, a psychological edge in that he beat Novak less than a month ago, and all the pressure will be on Novak to pull out the win.  But if you play him on Friday, you're putting him up against a relatively more relaxed Novak, you drain him for doubles (which is an absolute must win for France), and then you either have to throw him out there again on Sunday or bring in Gilles.

Tactically, I think it's the move you make, though if it doesn't pan out you'll get killed for it. 

So anyway, yeah.  I'm worried.  That Gael/Janko rubber is HUGE.

(Pics: Getty)

 

 

 

SOMEONE GET ME A NOVAK LIGHTER.

So when you're done staring deeply at that picture (seriously, after five minutes I found that I had inadvertently tilted my head) you should also read this.

(Pic: Getty)

Air Quotes: WTF Did They Say?

 

Some choice quotes from the WTFs to round out the ATP year:

Q. To jump to the No. 1 position in the world, will you have to attack more?

ANDY MURRAY: I think against certain guys. When I played Roger and Rafa the last few times I played them, I played very aggressive tennis. That's what you need to do against them. Against some guys you need to defend more.

You know, if you play against a guy that serves 140 miles an hour on the first serve, you can't attack. So you need to balance it depending on the opponent, depending on the match, the stage of the match.

I think I've improved that side of my game. I've worked on serve-volleying, you know, in some matches the last few weeks. I think I've attacked a lot better towards the end of this year than I was at the beginning.

...

Q. So if you weren't obligated to be on the other side of the net, fair to say [Rafa's] your kind of an athlete, your kind of guy?

ANDY RODDICK: Well, as far as what? Do I think he's cute?

Air Quotes: Trash Talk, Novak-Style.

Q. Today the French team is starting to prepare for the finals. Do you know where are Troicki and Tipsarevic are? Are they preparing for the finals?
NOVAK DJOKOVIC: I'm not saying anything. It's a big secret (smiling).

No, they're starting to prepare, as well. They're getting very serious. I think they never played better in their lives. Just for the French team, one notice.

Q. You keep in touch?
NOVAK DJOKOVIC: Of course. It's unbelievable. They're feeling the ball incredible. Seeing it like a watermelon. I'm kidding (laughter).

(Pic: Novak's Official Site)

 

 

Air Quotes: A Fair Question.

Q. I'm just asking you if you feel confident, because even if you're not in great shape, you were still capable to fight for three sets versus Nadal, who won three matches in a row, and you won all the others in two sets.

ANDY RODDICK: I appreciate your optimism. You can have a future in coaching with that synopsis.

Q. He's tried it.

ANDY RODDICK: I would ask how it went, but you're here (laughter).

Q. You're still an active player. Have you ever thought what you will be doing at the end of your career? Would you like more to be a tennis coach or a TV commentator and a journalist?

ANDY RODDICK: You only gave me two options. I don't want an either/or question (laughter).
I don't know. I don't think I would coach. I have a feeling I would last about six months commentating before I said something inappropriate - maybe less. So I'm not sure. Plus I'm not very opinionated, so might not go well for me (laughter).

...

Q. Is [Maradona] just here on holiday, just watching?
NOVAK DJOKOVIC: He's actually doing coaching, you didn't know that, for me (smiling)? We're working on some specifics, like how to play with hands, high balls (laughter).

...

Q. I'm intrigued with you saying you don't think you have much chance to beat Rafa. You beat him the last time on hard courts. Why don't you think you'll have a good chance this time?

ANDY MURRAY: Well, I mean, he's obviously the best player in the world. I've watched his matches here. He's been playing unbelievably well. You know, I don't seem to beat those guys in the big matches. So, you know, I'm going to have to play my best tennis against him to win. I need to do it in a big match, in the semis. I have to see whether I can do that or not.

Q. So you're not confident?
ANDY MURRAY: No, not really. But I'll try and win against him.

Source: ASAP Sports.

 

 

"John."

Sod, Muzz, and Nole own this video. But really, it's all about Nole's smug charm and Muzz's dry wit.

"Death." *long pause* "Understandable."

Snicks.

As It Should Be.

I'm going to need those Coronas.

All of them.

Go Andy.  Go Nole.

And no, I don't mean go home.

CENTRE COURT start 12:15 pm
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) vs [2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB)

Not Before 2:00 PM
[1] R Nadal (ESP) vs [5] A Murray (GBR)

Match Starts at 6:15 PM
[6] M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL) vs [3] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR)

Not Before 8:00 PM
[2] R Federer (SUI) vs [3] N Djokovic (SRB)

(Pics: Getty)

And This Is Why We Love Him.

THE DUDE CAME OUT WITH AN EYE PATCH.  COME ON!

An easy win for Pirate Nole over a totally over it A-Rod to clinch his spot in the semis.  WOOT.

Nole and Gingers.  Misunderstood since 1633.

(Pics: Getty)

Liezel Brought Small Pox to America. #liezelfacts

Ah, Thanksgiving.  A day where TSA agents will "Pope" thousands of reluctant travelers, mothers and grandmothers will fist a headless bird with breadcrumbs and chestnuts (kinky!), and dysfunctional families will avoid awkward personal conversations by talking about Brett Favre's cock and eating their feelings in the form of a small feast that could feed a bustling African village.

God Bless America, I say.

It is also a time to stop and be thankful.  At least that's what I was told in second grade when I was tracing my hand to make a turkey out of construction paper.  Those were innocent times.

Things I Am Thankful For:

• Alcohol:  Vodka, rum, wine, and Mexican Beer.  You have each gotten me through this long and grueling season that saw heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak  (Andy, Sam, lather, rinse, repeat).  Seriously, I don't understand how tennis fans can watch this game sober.  Hell, half the time I don't understand how tennis players can play the game sober. 
  
• Serbian tennis players:  Say what you want about them.  At their worst they're whiny, seemingly entitled ingrates who check out the minute things get difficult and blame everything (and everyone) except themselves for their putrid suckage.  At their best they are THE quintessential entertainers who command your attention, playing scintillating tennis with a passion unmatched by many.  But no matter how you feel about them you have to admit: There's always drama and there's always a reason to tune in.  Also, most of them are pretty.  Most of them.

• Australian Firearms:  Oh, Sam.  I wish I knew how to quit you.  But I can't.

• Twitter:  Tweetin', Twatin', Twiddlin', it's all gravy.  As one who doesn't have a lot of friends who care for this little niche game we call "tennis" it's such a boon to be able to connect with like-minded people all over the globe.  The Tennis Twiterverse is just chock full of knowledgable, informative, and witty folks, many of whom I've actually met and now have the pleasure of calling my friends.  As we all know, I love a good zinger and Twitter rarely disappoints.  Sure, there are assholes too, but hey, it's the internet.  I mean...duh.

• Chaos:  My enjoyment of tennis is directly proportionate to the amount of chaos and confusion that exists on any given day.  I can't help it.  I'm a masochist. 

• The Globalisation of Tennis:  Am I the only one who has learned more about international customs and cultures via tennis than my thousands of dollars of schooling?  These players are walking embodiments of their respective countries and they are on display every week.  Italian intensity, Serbian fire, British...Britishness, it's all there, all the time.  It's like the Olympics every week.

• Hotel lobbies:  Things I have seen in hotel lobbies/restaurants across the States that I can disclose on a public blog:  Gael Monfils dripping sweat while breakdancing, Dinara Safina wearing a purple Juicy sweatsuit that was clearly two sizes too small for her, Roger Rasheed chugging a Bud Light (after Gael lost but before Gael "stepped up"), Rafa and Fernando chatting over dinner, Novak Djokovic being swoony, Andy Murray sprinting out of the hotel and jumping down four steps to catch up with Judy and Kim, Nalby checking his email on his MacBook, Bepa standing in line for coffee wearing her huge tennis bag and visor, Heinz drinking coffee and reading the Wall Street Journal, and Zeljko and Dejan avoiding Team Safina by sinking into the couches.  Hotel lobbies are bomb.

• @MaggieMay_Hem: You guys.  HOW CAN ANYONE HATE ON A GUY WHO LOVES HIS DOG LIKE THIS.

• Francesca Schiavone:  I have a long-documented complicated relationship with Fran, a.k.a. the Architecht of My Discontent, but she has provided so many joyful moments this year that she almost makes me forget that she single-handedly threw me into a deep depression from which I am still recovering.  Almost.  But there is no player, male or female, who plays with the joie de vivre that she does.  She exudes beautiful awesomeness.  In a WTA season that has been drowned in negativity, her smile reminded me why I love sport and why, specifically, I love tennis.  Even if Sam was crying in the background.  LIKE I SAID.  ALMOST.

• My Tennis Buddies:  When I started this site I was a corporate big-firm lawyer who had no one to talk to about tennis.  Two and a half years later I'm unemployed and about to embark on a crazy tennis-watching adventure in Australia.  Only time will tell whether Forty Deuce was my salvation or my downfall, but regardless of the answer I will always be grateful for all the amazing people I've met over the years FD.  Whether in the comments, Twitter, Facebook, or by email, I've met so many great folks who are very dear to my heart.  Sipping tea in a London cafe, talking sports marketing at the ungodly hour of 9am, drinking bourbon beer under the warm Cincy skies to the sounds of Arcade Fire, sitting on the steps of Ashe debating which players were freaks in bed, our yearly tradition of watching an Ana match side-by-side, annoying all our friends because no matter how hard we try we can't not talk about tennis, roaming the streets of New York on a perfect summer night, drinking with me after a partiularly devastating Andy loss, running around San Diego with a big Dinara cut-out, Fruli in Notting Hill, or laughing at me as I have clearly passed out drunk on the floor of a hotel elevator, you guys have been there.  And by "you guys" I hope you know who you are.  Here's hoping I keep giving you a reason to tune in.

Now go eat your fucking turkeys, turkeys.  The shrill voice of Liezel compels you.

(Pic: SomeECards)

This Is Not The One-Eyed Nole I Wanted To See.

HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE LASIK???

I have horrible eyesight.  I've worn glasses since the 6th grade.  I was a regular contact wearer through college.  After my first year of law school I went to the optometrist and he informed me that my eyesight had gotten 100% worse.  "Are you a law student?"  "Yep.  How'd you know?"  "You guys read a lot and are in front of the computer all the time.  It makes your eyes go bad quick.  Wear your glasses, instead of contacts.  Glasses put less strain on your eyes."  So I did.  And my eyesight has remained stable for 10 years.

Meanwhile, particularly in the past five years, all my friends are getting Lasik.  Seriously, it's, like, the thing to do.  At first I was like "NOOOOOOOO!!! Don't get Lasik!  Your glasses are part of your look!!!"  But, it turns out that no, their glasses weren't a part of their look and actually, they look awesome and couldn't be happier.

Me?  I still fall asleep with my glasses on, wake up with them off, and pray every morning that I haven't broken them somehow in my heavy slumber. 

But you know what?  I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.

A wonky contact lens turned what was a scintillating match between, for my money, the best rivalry in tennis (yes, I would rather pay money to watch Rafa/Nole than Fed/Rafa), into a confusing anti-climactic straigth set win for Rafa.  I mean, yay for Rafa, but damn this had the makings of another classic clash between these two.

Novak belly is a small consolation.  But I'll take it.

(Pics: Getty)

 

Pic This: Was the Gel Confiscated at the Airport?

Nole hit the practice court with an ungelled Fer.

And Marian did a handstand:

Impressive, actually.  Nice to have him back.

(Pics: Novak's website)

Let's Do This Again.

REMATCH!

ORDER OF PLAY - WEDNESDAY, 24 NOVEMBER, 2010

CENTRE COURT start 12:15 pm
[5] L Kubot (POL) / O Marach (AUT) vs [7] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL)
Not Before 2:00 PM
[6] T Berdych (CZE) vs [8] A Roddick (USA)
Not Before 6:15 PM
[2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) vs [3] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR)
Not Before 8:00 PM
[1] R Nadal (ESP) vs [3] N Djokovic (SRB)

(Pic: Getty)

Rusty Rafa. Donsie Dick.

As expected, Nole took care of business against Tomas.  So the story of the day was Rafa's three-set come from behind win over a valiant RAndy.  Taking the court for the first time in five weeks, it sounds like Rafa was about as sharp as his oddly-muddled technicolor kit.  I haven't seen the match yet, but A-Rod said that once Rafa found his range on his forehand in the second set, the match completely changed.

The win should give Rafa quite a bit of confidence going into his Wednesday night clash with Novak.  This is his first win at the O2 arena:

“I can play with a little bit more calm the next match. But even if I lose the next match, I’m still going to have chances to be in the semis. So that's relaxing me a little bit more. Is very positive victory for me and very, very important.”

Rafa's now 69-9 for the year.  Pathetic excuse for a tennis player.

(Pics: Getty)

Revenge Redux.

Day 1 went by with little fanfare or drama.  Day 2 brings the return of Rafa, who's been sidelined since losing to Jurgen in Shanghai in the beginning of October.  He'll take on A-Rod.  They last met during Andy's white hot run through the Spring hardcourt season when Andy bounced Rafa in three sets on his way to the Miami title.

It's hard to know how Rafa's feeling physically but the year-end championships are one of the few empty checkmarks on his career card.  He won't like this low-bouncing court but I'll take a well-rested Rafa any day of the week and twice on Sundays. 

But the first singles match of the day will see Nole take on his Wimby dream-ruiner, Tomas.  Nole's already exacted revenge during Davis Cup, but let's go ahead and double up, shall we?  Given their current form it'll be a shock if Tomas can pull off the upset here. 

CENTRE COURT Start At 12:15 PM
[3] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR) vs [5] L Kubot (POL) / O Marach (AUT)

Not Before 2:00 PM
[3] N Djokovic (SRB) vs [6] T Berdych (CZE)

Start At 6:15 PM
[2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) vs [7] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL)

Not Before 8:00 PM
[1] R Nadal (ESP) vs [8] A Roddick (USA)

 

Pic This: Dementor!

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: Wait, How Many Wallet Sized Ones Do I Get With Package C?

Don't smile, Moose.  It's just so not your thing.

 

Is Nole growing a playoff beard?  Secondly, can whatever he has going on with his chin even be classified as a "beard"?

 

Jowltastic!

Faces of evil. 

(Pics: Getty)

 

Odd Men Out.

No one wants to talk to you, SOD. 

The boys donned their suits to pay a visit to Downing Street and British PM David Cameron.  Obviously Daveed showed up in his tennis kit and had to borrow a suit from the "proper attire" closet. 

Downing Street: It's like a fancy steakhouse.

"You assholes told me grey!"

I just cannot deal with that tie sitch.  No one thought to tell him?

"It was a horror to be here."

"Hey, did one of you step on Daveed?"

All in all, a bit meh.

I prefer the dapper matchiness of last year's Hogwart's Class Reunion.

Hopefully we'll get more pictures tomorrow at media day.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

BONER.

I haz one.

And since I don't want Muzz to think I'm cheating on him, I'm pulling this one out from 2009 because it was when he had short hair and was cute. Also, Kid!Muzz is adorbz in his own little standoffishy way.

"You Win a Breaker! YOU Win a Breaker! Every. Body. Wins a BREAKER!!!""

Ok, fine, not everybody.  But it sure did seem like today.  Every match featured at least one tiebreak except for Fed's win over Steps.  Whatever Fed.  You're SO fucking special.

Nole, Tomas, Fer, and Daveed all took a seat today.  Three of them will have some time to settle into London.  One of them will have time to further experiment with hair gel. 

Oh, what's that?  Was I being to cryptic?  Fer.  Fer is the one experimenting with hair gel. 

Yup, with today's results, Fer was officially eliminated from London and the Tomas, Daveed, and A-Rod confirmed their spots in the final eight. 

"STEVEHOLT!"

Singles - Third Round
[1] R Federer (SUI) d R Stepanek (CZE) 64 63
M Llodra (FRA) d [2] N Djokovic (SRB) 76(6) 62
[3] A Murray (GBR) d [13] M Cilic (CRO) 76(6) 36 63
[4] R Soderling (SWE) d S Wawrinka (SUI) 76(3) 63
[10] N Davydenko (RUS) d [5] T Berdych (CZE) 46 76(5) 60
[12] G Monfils (FRA) d [6] F Verdasco (ESP) 67(4) 76(2) 75
[11] J Melzer (AUT) d [7] D Ferrer (ESP) 76(6) 26 63
[8] A Roddick (USA) d E Gulbis (LAT) 63 76(8)

Doubles - Quarter-finals
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) d W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL) 76(2) 76(5)
[8] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) d [4] L Kubot (POL) / O Marach (AUT) 75 46 11-9

Doubles - Second Round
[6] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR) d J Erlich (ISR) / M Kohlmann (GER) 36 61 10-5
M Knowles (BAH) / A Ram (ISR) d [7] R Bopanna (IND) / A Qureshi (PAK) 63 62
[8] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) / M Youzhny (RUS) w/o (Youzhny - back)

ORDER OF PLAY - FRIDAY, 12 NOVEMBER, 2010

CENTRAL COURT start 2:00 pm
[8] A Roddick (USA) vs [4] R Soderling (SWE)
[10] N Davydenko (RUS) vs M Llodra (FRA)
Not Before 7:30 PM
[1] R Federer (SUI) vs [11] J Melzer (AUT)
Not Before 8:30 PM
[3] A Murray (GBR) vs [12] G Monfils (FRA)

COURT 1 start 2:00 pm
[6] M Bhupathi (IND) / M Mirnyi (BLR) vs [2] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB)
[3] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) vs M Knowles (BAH) / A Ram (ISR)  

(Pic: AP)

Collect 'Em All!

You gotta give it to Team Djokovic. 

They know what the people want and they *always* deliver.

Kudos for releasing the Falcon into the world, Uncle Jamie.

Trophy Hoister Sunday

Congrats to Daveed!  He came out on top in his own tourney in Valencia over fellow Spaniard, Granola Bars, to take the title and ascend to #7 in the race to London.  Awesome.

And then there's this guy, who had to go three sets against Nole but eventually took his home town tournament, too. 

Ok, fine, this picture is adorable.

I'm sure Satan has squee-worthy pictures of him eating pizza, too.

(Pics: Getty)

You Again.

After losing in their first meeting in 2007, Nole is 6-0 against Viktor.

Roger's record against Andy?  20-2.

And so here we go again.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

This or That.

Things are looking good for Nole to get into the Basel final.  He's got an in-form Viktor to get past in the semis but it's obviously doable.  The other semi sees the first meeting between Roger and A-Rod since *that* match. 

Nice win for Andy over Nalby today, 64 64.  He's still right in the mix for London.

I *think* I want Roger to win.  Just because I'd love to see Nole and Roger go at it again.  Then again, fuck it, what do I care at this point in the season. GO RODDICKULOUS!

(Pics: Getty)

Team Ugly FTW.

You spend enough time with someone and you're bound to start dressingl like them, right?

Moose took out Feli in straight sets, then teamed up with big bro Jamie to take out Team Deliciasco in straights. 

No major upsets to report in Basel or Valencia, actually.  Nole beat Ernie in straights and Janko's first round win mean he'll take on Roger. 

Can't wait for those tweets.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)