Forty Deuce

Pic This: Looking Back at the Wet 'n Happy Slam.

It's been almost a week since the last ball skid across the blue courts of Melbourne Park and, to be honest, I'm still in a complete daze.  So much happened and yet, given the gut-punch of Sunday night, it's taken me a while to even remember all the awesome stuff from this year's Aussie Open. 

Thank GOD for pictures.

Don't worry.  That's just how ninjas recharge.  It's meditation, homes.

I hear ya, Fran.  I totes hear ya.

Hey.  Remember when Andy looked good in white and was also pretty good at tennis?

Yeah, me neither.

Thank You, Petra Kvitova.

Petra beat Nads in Brisbane.  Which means we won't have to see anymore of Nads' kit this week.  Oh, what's that?  It doesn't look that bad you say?

Oh yeah.  That's happening.

(Pics: Getty)

The Weekend Tee-Up.

Here's a roundup of what's at stake over the weekend:

Kleybs, Agnes, Nadia, and K-Zak are into the semis of Seoul, with Klara ousting Dinara yesterday in straight sets.  If you're an Ana fan, you'll be watching Kleybs' progress over the weekend in hopes that she's exhausted by the time she gets to Tokyo.  Yes, it's come to this.  Over in Tashkent it'll be Vezzie vs. Alla, each of whom are trying to win their first career titles.  Go Vez!

As for the guys, Richard, Gilles, Techno, and Zverev are in the semifinals in Metz.  The result of note?  Techno reeling off 10 of the last 11 games to beat Marin in the quarterfinals.  Seriously, what the french is going with that guy?

In Romania, Montanes, Granollers, Chela, and Andujar will duke it out for the last dirt title of the season.

Lastly, if you're interested at all, the qualie draw in Tokyo is pretty interesting.  L-Rob is there and she won her first round match over #57 Sevastova (not an easy feat -- Sevastova won a title and beat Ana and JJ earlier this year), and she'll play the winner of Halep/Flipkens for a spot in the main draw.  Whoever wins that Halep/Flipper match will have to turn around play Robbie later in the day.  Good luck, Laura!

And as a random aside, I was totally shocked to see MGMT in the qualie draw.  Didn't realize she'd fallen that far.

Get Her, Nads!

Lost in all the shuffle with the men's final, the ladies dubs final had to be suspended with Vania King serving in the third set at 4-5, 0-15.  In other words, King/Shvedova are 3 points from losing.  That's a tough spot.  The match will resume at 4pm EST on Armstrong.

Nice to see Nadia anticipated the rain and brought her wetsuit, though.  Always prepared, that one.  Except...not really.

[whispers]Because she's crazy![/whispers]

Air Quotes: I'd Rather Be Lucky Than Good.

“You are lucky!  Seriously lucky!”

-- Nadia Petrova, to Nole in the locker room.

“For sure, it’s fairer like this. I think it’s better for both of us to have a day of rest.”

-- Rafa

“For us, it would have been better that it had not rained today, because Djokovic might have been a bit more tired.  But it was fairer like this.”

-- Uncle Toni

“Obviously, Rafa would have preferred to play today, and Novak was praying for rain, so I suppose what I take out of things is that God is Orthodox.  He’s been listening to Novak.”

-- Benito Perez Barbadillo, Rafa and Novak's publicist.

The article's a great read.

Pic This: Around The Grounds on Day 2

It was a toasty one today in NYC.  I know this because Aunt Pimmy told me so.  Also because I finally ditched the jeans and t-shirt look and went with shorts and a tanktop.  A wise move, I think.  But between the heat, the crowds, and the size of the grounds, I've come to realize that you have to really want it to win it here at the USO, and I don't mean the players.

Typically when I go to a tournament I like to just wander the grounds and pop in to see whatever match tickles my fancy, or I'll stick around the practice courts to watch random players.  Not so here in NYC.  Nope, there better be a damn good reason for me to haul my ass out of the somewhat tolerable shade and stand/sit in the sun for the better part of an hour.  Even today, I could barely get it up to stick around to watch Sveta, MaKiri, FeVer, or Elena for anything more than five minutes.  To the extent I have pictures of any players or matches it is a reflection of my love for them.  I thought I was going to go blind when Nole, Sam, and Dani were practicing, what with the Iguacu Falls-like deluge of sweat that was running into my eyes.  At one point I looked down and realized sweat was just running down my legs.  Which could have been weird if anyone who knows me, knows FD, and knows my love of all things Corgi had seen me. 

IT WAS SWEAT!  I PROMISE!

There is no wandering here at the USO.  If you wander, you must do so with intent.  And a lot of water.  And sunscreen.  And...patience.

Mikey Llodes and son.

Stop making this awkward, Sam.  Just. Ignore. Me.

Dani and Elena.  Underachieving.  As per yoosh.

Mama Vera shagging balls.

 

Vika and Sergei Bubka Jr., who, according to Boyfriend Jon, is her man friend.  No word on how long his pole is.

Team Venus taking the far practice court.

Happy Vera.  I know.  It's weird.

Oh, hai, Eva.  You kept me thoroughly entertained all evening and for that, I thank you.

Really, Nadia?  Really?  Did someone eat a bowl full of Skittles, pound a huge Icee, and then puke on your dress?  Oh, they did?  Ok, well then I feel a little bad now.

Just Dance.

I honestly didn't think it was going to happen. Not after she won the first set, most definitely not after she lost the second set, and absolutely not after she went into a third set tiebreak.  I mean, I know better than to hope.  And with Petko's pattern of finding heartbreaking ways to lose big matches, I was prepared for the worst.

But it did happen!  And it was great!  And I thought at one point Nadia might kill me!  We were sitting courtside and during the third set I guess Nadia heard someone say something and it got her all pissy.  She looked over in our general direction (we were sitting two sections over from Petko's camp) and said "Who said that?  No respect."  Uh...I was just yelling "Ajde", "Komm jetzt", and "C'mon Andrea" all match.  Pretty sure that wasn't directed at me.  If she wants to be mad at somebody, talk to the dude in dreads sitting up at the top of the stadium who kept yelling "Nadiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" throughout the match. 

And then, to top it all off, after she loses, Nadia packs up all her shit, is about to sling her bag over her shoulder, stops, opens up the bag, PULLS OUT A RACQUET, and then grabs her bag and walks off court, racquet in hand.  I mean...huh?  Look, dude, I'm sorry you were in a pissy mood because you had to wear that piece of ugly onto the court.  But let's dial it down, huh?

Whatever.  Huge congratulations to Petkorazzi who finally scored a win in a tight match on a big stage, scoring the biggest upset in the first round of the women's side.   She deserves this.  She works so hard and she's a fantastically nice person to boot.  She hey-heyed me after the match after I yelled "We love you Petkorazzi!!!"  It totally made my day.

I Blame The Visor.

I imagine this is about as well as Sam was seeing the ball today against Nadia.  She won three games and was lucky not to get bageled in the second.  It started off all fine and dandy with an immediate break of Nads' serve. 

 

And then it all went downhill.  Fast.

First off, credit to Nadia.  She played great.  She served well and really attacked Sam's backhand, which is what you need to do to get her on the move. 

And Sam was hitting that backhand slice like crap today, floating it a good 4-5 feet up over the net.  Sitting ducks for Nads. 

After one partiularly bad one she walked over, looked at DT, and seethed "I can't hit the fucking ball."

 

But when you're talking about Sam, her game revolves around her serve.  If she doesn't serve well then she's immediately in a hole.  That happened today.  She couldn't buy a first serve when she needed it, and she hit five double faults to ZERO aces. 

 

I got to watch the match sitting behind Team Stosur, though, which was fun.  They're a pretty quiet group, just a few hushed "Come on, Sammy" and "Right here, this point" style cheering.  Oh, and my crush on DT has grown exponentially.  He was sitting in his socks, collar popped, scribbling notes into this little Moleskine notebook and threw in a few quiet, "Come on.  Keep playing" notes of encouragement.  I quite love that Sam is one of the few players who doesn't call coaching timeouts.  Gotta respect that tough Aussieness.

 

Really hope I get to see her at the Open.  Hell, I might reschedule my flight to make sure that happens. 

Fresh Faces.

Sometimes I forget how long it's been since Wimbledon.  We haven't seen a lot of these players since then so it was nice to "catch up" on Tuesday.  It was like seeing a bunch of your friends and classmates after summer break.

 

Flavia was looking fit and tasty.  She bounced K-Bond in straights, 62 75 and will face MaKiri next.

 

Flavia giving us a wave.  We were kinda loud.  But how can you not be?  It's Flavia!

Do I know how Nads lost this match to Shvedova?  Nope.  But she did.  And she bitchfaced all the way through it.  Some things never change.

 

I saw Lynn last week.  But you know school's not in until you see Eva and Allison.  Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'll be reunited with Allison any time soon.

 

Aravane is in the house and the word on the street is that she's absolutely crushing the ball in practice.  We saw her wandering the grounds quite a bit.

 

As for Sveta?  Well...she's...wearing shorts.  That's a good thing.  She eeked out her match against Wicky in three sets.  Wicky went off the rails after Sveta left for a bathroom break between the second and third set.  Though seriously, she needed to.  That shirt was transparent.

 

And Bepa's back.  Bless.

Riding With Russians In Cars

Do you like Russian tennis players?  Do you like riding in cars?  Well then do I have a special treat for you.

Pic This: RG Days 5-9 (I Have Some Catching Up To Do)

 

Please keep playing well.  We need your brand of crazy on a more regular basis. 

And I have a whole notebook full of poetry dedicated to you.  You're my muse!

Ah.  The irony of yellow.

 

Scuba!  Scuba!  Scuba!

 

Embrace your inner Techno.

 

No snark here.  I just found this series of photos sweet and Rafa's look at the end hilarious.


Glad to see there are still Rudolf Fekete fans.  Never forget!

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

The Battle of Hair Removal Products.

Nads was the more effective one today, dispatching Venus in straight sets.  Not too shabby, Australian-Alternative-To Wax.  She'll have Lena in the quarterfinals, which is a totally winnable match given Lena's physical ailments.

Classy stuff from Nads after the match:

Q. Now you eliminated the huge fashion sensation out of the tournament. How important is fashion to you? What do you think? What do you say on the court for you?
NADIA PETROVA: I like when, you know, the girls are dressed up differently and they try to bring some fashion from just regular life into the court. Even, you know, for example, I always like to be I'm really happy that I wear a line that nobody actually have.
I must say, you know, the dress that Venus wore, must have little guts to do that. (laughter.)

Q. Venus said about you today that you didn't do anything super special, but you were consistent. Is that a fair assessment?
NADIA PETROVA: I would say so. I would say so.
I mean, special for me was that I was mentally focused and I get my nerves calm. Besides that, you know, I played consistent, solid tennis. I came up with the good shots when it was necessary.
That's it. I don't think I've done anything spectacular today.

Take It To The Parking Lot, Ladies.

Au revoir.

After Nads took care of Rezai in like, 15 minutes, Mono became the last French woman standing.  Shahar put an end to that.  You have to love Shahar.  Not only is she a no-nonsense professional in how she approaches the game but she always brings the fight.  She may get outplayed or fail to execute, but you know she's always fired up and bringing it.  And I'm pretty sure I'd pick her to have my back if I ever got into a back alley brawl.  You do *not* fuck with the Mossad.  All that is to say, regardless of her results, it's really easy to be a Peer fan.

Especially when Tennis Channel airs shit like this:

Good on you, girl. She's had a great season and is into the fourth round to face Serena. That one could be very interesting depending on how Serena's feeling (word is she's coming down with something).

To Be Continued...

Play suspended at 7-7 in the 3rd, with both players blowing three match points each.  Nads double-faulted on one of hers so I'm going to go ahead and give the edge to WeatherVane when they resume tomorrow. 

This match was apparently nutty.  I say "apparently" because ESPN2 refused to air this match live (preferring to show Venus and Fed from earlier in the day) and I'm still waiting to see if they'll show it at all.  But from the pics, it looks like it played out exactly how you think it would:

 

 

And occasionally, they hit tennis balls.  Should be a fun finish.

 

Well Madrid Doesn't Like You Either, Serena.

Nads wore her big boy tights today and took out a fighting Serena in three sets.  Serena showed a lot of fight.  This wasn't a towel job.  But afterwards...

"This isn't a player-favorite tournament, to be honest. None of the players are really gung-ho about playing here."

Okee-dokey.

Ana's In The Semi--WHAT???

Another day, another heady straight set win over a nutty Russian.

I scrambled to get yesterday's FD Podcast posted because I was anticipating an Ana loss today.  Call it being a bad fan, call it self-preservation, call it someone having to learn to steel oneself against constant disappointment.  But I honestly didn't think her head would come through for the fourth straight day.

But it did!  After another dominant first set (is it just me or do you get the feeling other players just don't know what to expect when they take a court against "New Ana") that saw her serving well and cracking forehands, Ana again had to face a service let down and better quality of play from her opponent in the second set.  Again it looked like this one would go three sets, as Nadia eventually worked herself into a one break lead.  But instead of getting discouraged or panicking, Ana soldiered on, eventually getting her serve back in order to hold at love and eventually breaking back twice to seal the set. 

I'm so trilled!  This is the Ana that I love!  The fighter from 2006-2008 who mounted impossible comeback after impossible comeback (vs. JJ in LA?  vs. Dani at AO?).

But what impressed me more than the win was her reaction after the match.  After she secured match point there was no squealing.  There was no goofy grin as she clutched her racquet and looked to the heavens as if to thank "OHTHANKGOD".  There was no look of relief.  She simply clenched her fist as she walked slowly to the net and looked over to her box with a determined and non-chalant glare as if to say "Here we go." 

In other words, this didn't seem to come as a shock, surprise, or long exhale.  She's starting to believe.  Instead of hoping for wins, which is what she's been doing for the better part of a year and a half, she's expecting them.  Not because other people are telling her she's supposed to be winning but because she truly believes it.  It's business time.

It's an amazing thing to see.  She'll play the always tricky, occasionally cheatey MJMS tomorrow.  No matter what happens, this week has been awesome.

"My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?"

The Charleston Player Party was held at a Saks Fifth Avenue.  Better than a stuffy yellow hotel ballroom but come on, that's pretty funny.  

Two things strike me going through those pictures: (1) Stubbsy looks great and (2) holy deep creme conditioning rinse, Batman!

Gotta love how Nadia goes straight for the product.

Quiet Moments

One of the beauties of Indian Wells, and I would presume any Masters or Premier tournament that gives you access to the players, is the joy of just watching these elite athletes mosey about their every day lives.  Because really, awesome facilities and weather aside, this *is* their life.  Waking, stretching, practicing, eating, and sleeping. 

Sure, I could keep posting the awesome practice pictures that Steph was able to capture.  But come on.  That stuff you can, for the most part, get from anyone and anywhere.  And really, how many times do I really need to see Andy Murray striking a tennis ball?  Spoiler Alert: He's a professional tennis player.  Each stroke looks the same.  It's not gonna change from pic to pic. 

But where I really have to give Steph credit is her ability to quietly (and someone creepily) wander the grounds and be at all the right places at all the right times.  I just love all the candids she was able to catch that really capture the players' personalities.

The Family Pavs.  That's her brother wearing a spectacularly sequined Ed Hardy hat. 

Ah, eating the soul of a young child, I see.

Betcha didn't know he had that goin' on under his Lacoste.

Mama Vera snapping pics of Lena.

Sam and Nads share a laugh.

AKO rocking some Top 10 quality stinkeye.

Verbatim transcription of a real conversation:

Steph: Hey.  I saw Cornet practicing.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Five hours later, he would break Gavin's heart.

Greasy!

Gypsy walking around with her man.  Seriously, she will cut you.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

Pic This: Oh, Sveta. I Don't Even Know What To Say Anymore.

She did say she loves Head.  So...

Tax Time

Dude, Sam.  What are you doing losing to Tax Garbin in the first round of Dubai? 

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. [/katie]

And in somewhat similar news, Nads, who made a somewhat resurgent run in Melbourne, lost in straight sets to a wildcard.  

Get it together, ladies.

"Short People Got No Reason To Live"

 

Big Babe, what?

61 63

Pretty much the same story in both matches.  Justine and Jay-Z played really well and Makiri and Nads just couldn't raise their level to match.  For her part, Makiri looked worn out.  She's had a busy AO, playing singles, doubles, and mixed doubles.  She had to call for the trainer a few times but in the end she said it didn't effect the outcome.  Zheng was able to run down everything and really force Maria to hit 2-4 winners just to get a point.  She also served pretty big (well, for her), which was somewhat surprising.

But a tip of the cap to Maria.  What a run here.  She's still in the running with Agi in doubles.

76 75

As for Nads, well, yeah.  She hung in there with Justine and made her earn it, that's for sure.  But she just couldn't overcome here when it mattered.  But again, tip of the cap and it was nice to hear commentators talking to her again.

So someone short will be in the final.  That's nice. 

Keep It Up. Please.

Nads pulled off the upset of the day, which wasn't an upset at all if you're at all familiar with their respective forms coming into this match.  Nadia's been lights out.  So has Kuz.  As in the lights have been out in her head.  Her match against Kerber was the worst thing I've seen all week.  And that includes Kim's performance the other day.

Justine came out on top in the battle of the BelgiansoneofwhomisnotnamedKim.  It took her three sets before she could dispatch a tired but inspired Wickmayer.  I will do my best to actually watch this match.  Rest assured that if I do, it will be the most professional thing I have ever done as a blogger.

So it'll be Nads vs. Justine.  Please, Nadia.  PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE.

Pic This: AO Day 5

Guys like MaKiri?  Weird.

Well done, photog.

G'day, you hot hunkin' piece of mate!

Stupida testa.

And then the seas parted...for Justine.
(stole that from Brodie)

Forrest Gump is in the draw?  Ruh roh.

Pardon me, Florence, but why is your shirt on?

Because this is sexy to someone out there.  And who am I to judge?

You go, girl.  But what's with the leg?

Who?

Ah, him.  You know, the pastiest guys in the top 10 are having the easiest go so far. 

Muzz and Kolya are cruising.

Not exactly the elegant Mr. Federer.

Pleated shorts: Ur doin it rong.

[FacePalm]

"Illusions, Dad.  Tricks are things whores do for money."

Focus on the tennis, Dina.  The bodybuilding career will always be there.

Ah yes.  The patented Joey Tribiani "Smell the Fart" acting method. 

I wish WTA players could take Hugging Time Outs.

I could name a number of players who would benefit greatly from HTOs.

Oh, John.  No.

It's official: Nothing good comes from Asian people being on court.

"It Sucks."

6-0, 6-1, 53 minutes. 

Worst loss in her 555 match career.

Hours later, fans, the tennis cognoscenti, and Kim are still scratching our heads.  No one knows what the hell happened, least of all Kim.  Her presser was a combination of confusion, contained anger, disappointment, and frustration.  Pam and Mary were brainstorming out loud every possible explanation.  Was something wrong with Jada?  Did she have Mommy fatigue?  Did something happen right before the match?  Did she run into Lleyton on the way to Hisense (that was my fave, courtesy of Aunty Pam).

It was the weirdest thing to watch.  She could not get a ball into the court.  She was missing not by inches, but by feet.  She looked slow, she couldn't serve, and Nadia, too her credit, never let her get into the match.  She played perfect, Big Babe tennis, attacking immediately and never missing.  It's as clean as I've ever seen Nadia play.  That said, she really didn't have to do much.  This wasn't a match like Dani vs. Ana at AO08 where Dani looked unbeatable through 8 straight games.  Kim just couldn't even get into a rally without an unforced error.  In fact she hit 24 UFEs and went on a string of three games where she didn't even win a point. 

Afterwards, Kim had nothing:

Q. Is it hurting you more the fact that you lost the game or the fact that you lost the game 6‑0, 6‑1?

KIM CLIJSTERS: No, not the score. Just, yeah, with the way that I played today. I was completely off. Just, you know, I think tennis‑wise, I didn't feel the ball at all.

You know, on the other hand, you know, she was good. But, you know, I let her ‑‑ you know, I made all the mistakes and she didn't really have to do much. She served really well and was aggressive in the rallies, but that's because I let her play into the courts. Just because I wasn't feeling the ball well. It sucks.

...

I think I haven't changed anything in my whole preparations before every match. Everything was the same, same routine, then something like this happens. That's probably the most frustrating thing about it, is not knowing. That's sports. You know, it can happen.

Q. You weren't yourself out there at all today. You said you didn't change any preparation. Is there any difference between the last match and this match?

KIM CLIJSTERS: Uhm, well, my opponent was a lot better, obviously. I still didn't feel like I was hitting the ball as well as I wanted to in my previous matches. I think that definitely, you know, it was worse even today. So, like I said, I haven't changed anything in my preparation or anything.

...

Yeah, you know, I just mentally felt like, Okay, keep fighting, keep fighting. That's what I kept telling myself. It's not like I gave up or anything. Tennis‑wise, I couldn't bring what my head wanted me to do.

Q. Are you wracking your brain about why?

KIM CLIJSTERS: Of course. It's something that you know as an athlete that can happen once in a while. Like I said, once in a while, once a year, hopefully not more than that. But, uhm, yeah, the question is of course, Why? My coach, my fitness coach, are like, How can something like this happen?

We haven't changed anything really. That's the thing. That's probably the most frustrating thing about this. But then again, what is more frustrating: playing like this or getting beaten when you play your best? I lost because it was my fault.

My opponent, okay, she was better, but I didn't give her, you know, the best Kim out there today. And I think ‑‑ 'cause that's even more frustrating, knowing you get beaten at your best. That's probably even more frustrating.

I wish I could have brought that today because then I know I would have had a better shot at this.

Q. Have you felt like this before?

KIM CLIJSTERS: I'm sure it's happened before, you know, that I felt like I really couldn't hit the ball, like I wasn't hitting the ball well, that I wasn't feeling well out there. But obviously not in the last few years, I don't think so.

Q. Did you feel it came in the warmup?

KIM CLIJSTERS: That's what I said to my coach. In the warmup, I kind of had an okay feeling out there. It was weird. I don't know. It was just really like my arms, and I ‑‑ like I said, I wasn't hitting the ball. Like, yeah, everything was too soft.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I really have nothing else. I don't know what more it could be. I mean...

Q. Obviously your levels of expectations raised after you won the Open. Did you expect to have days like this when you came back?

KIM CLIJSTERS: I've had a lot of days, trust me, but they didn't happen during my matches. That's why, yeah, it's ‑‑ of course, you don't want this to happen during a match, especially at a Grand Slam. Especially after doing well at the US Open and coming here, I was feeling good. I felt like I had a really good preparation. So, yeah, that's the thing. Like everything had been going pretty good up until today.

You know, I'm very superstitious with my routines and everything, so I really stick to that every day. That's why I'm a little bit confused in a way as well, why something like this happen. I ate the same, slept the same, everything. You know, yeah, that's why it's even more confusing in a way, as well.

Q. You've played a lot of matches in your career. Is this about as (indiscernible) as you've been at one of your own performances?

KIM CLIJSTERS: Yeah, I was just questioning myself, just questioning myself out there a lot. You know, just really trying to at the same time turn it around, but at the same time, yeah, you don't really know, Why is this all of a sudden happening?

You just try to stay calm 'cause there were points where I really like wanted to break my racquet into pieces, but you just really ‑‑ you know, that's not gonna help either. So you really just try to stay positive. At some points I was just happy I was hitting a ball in. That's how bad it was.

So, yeah, I don't know. You know, it's frustrating. 

Totally totally weird.  Someone put a call in to Horatio Caine's Melbourne counterpart.  CSI:Melbourne needs to come down and figure out what the hell happened to Kim's game.

Congratulations, Serbia!

Dinara, Sveta, Lena D, Bepa, Maria and Nadia have all declared themselves "unavailable" for the first round Fed Cup tie in Belgrade in February.  This is Sveta's off-year, Dinara and Bepa both have notes from their doctors, and Lena D generally shows up at a moment's notice,so if she wants one off, okay.

Maria, Nads... tsk.

Hope Pavs has a good time.

But What Does It Meeeeeeaaaaannnnn????

   "The Economist, once a year, heads out on this mission to see the 
   future.  They try to predict the coming year... I am a fan of The 
   Economist-- that said, I think this project where they try to predict 
   the coming year is totally ridiculous.  You have these great reporters 
   who have to write about, for instance, what's going to happen in 
   China in the year 2010 and they bring so much knowledge to this 
   question, but in the end, because no one can know the future, they 
   end up making these kind of equivocal 'on the one hand, on the other 
   hand' kinds of predictions... who cares??  ... 'Here's a bunch of random 
   things that may or may not happen, believe whatever you want.'"
   -- Ira Glass, This American Life ("2010")

That right there is pretty much my personal opinion of predictions in sports like tennis.  Who cares?  Mostly, nothing means anything.  The business of predictions, proclamations, assertions made on the basis of a single match (or one good week) is misleading and serves no purpose in an objective sport like tennis.  This year especially, when there are so many comebacks (from both retirement and injury) and a string of Very Good Players who had Very Bad Years last year, proclaiming the future seems particularly futile.  Trust me, I've been in sports where predictions and what certain people say and who won which events actually matters.  You don't want any part of it.

I don't even get why people like to do it (is it so you can say later that you were right? Usually I could get into that).  All you can do in tennis is watch and see what happens.  To me, that's part of the beauty of it.  I hate trying to guess what's going to happen.  I'd much rather take stock as I go along.

So.

Things That--Really Guys-- Seem Completely Meaningless Right Now

  

Sorana Cirstea d Sam Stosur (Hopman Cup)

I can't even count how many times I read after this match that Sorana had served notice or some such.  Yes, Sorana played that match-- at least the last set and a half-- very well.  But what's earthshattering about that?  We all know Sorana Cirstea can play good tennis.  What we don't know is whether she can play good tennis consistently enough to make a significant impact on the tour.  Considering that she followed up her (impressive) defeat of Stosur with losses to Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez and Melanie Oudin, the win (and the declarations that followed) seems particularly meaningless.

Sabine Lisicki d Elena Dementieva (Hopman Cup)

See above.  We all know that Sabine can have big wins.  We also all know that Elena can have very bad losses.  How did Sabine follow up her (spectacular) defeat of Dementieva?  By getting played way too close for comfort by a 15-year-old who's not even full time on tour yet.

Melanie Oudin's "Sub-Par" Performance at Hopman Cup
Melanie's always down in small events and then up in Slams and Fed Cup (or, at least, that's the pattern she established last year).  Her performances at Hopman Cup indicate nothing other than that-- so far-- that trend looks to continue.

"Comeback" Wins By Daniela Hantuchova, Alize Cornet, and Dominika Cibulkova
All of these women are former top-20 (or even top-5) players with immense amounts of talent, loads of past results, and a not-so-hot 2009.  All of them had pretty stellar early matches this week that looked like their peak selves, prompting some to call them contenders for the second week of the Australian Open.  All of them immediately had their asses handed to them by higher-ranked, more consistent players.  Ahem.  (Not that they couldn't be, mind you, it's just silly to declare that based on two good matches that follow 6 months--or more-- of nothing.)

Things That Hold My Interest

 

Laura Robson (Hopman Cup)
Laura's new on the pro scene and has her youth and lack of record working against her in the "where might this be going" game.  She also, should her mind turn out to tend towards these kinds of things, has a huge disadvantage in all the pressure that is being, and will continue to be piled on her by the British media.  But it's been a lot of fun to watch her grow in confidence at Hopman Cup this week.  In her first match, she looked terrified, but through playing mixed doubles with Andy Murray, she seems to be growing in her belief that she can keep up with the big kids.  She played Sabine Lisicki very well, looking at all times like she belonged on the same court.  It'll be interesting to see if that continues to develop for her.

Sam Stosur (Hopman Cup)
On paper, Sam should have won all her matches at Hopman Cup.  In the real world, she lost two out of three.  Her ability is undeniable, but she isn't exactly projecting the kind of mental strength that's going to sustain her at the top of the game.  Is this particularly dismal performance just a sign that, like Amelie Mauresmo in France, she doesn't cope well with the hometown pressure?  Is it something bigger than that?  Or did she just have a really bad week?

Ana Ivanovic (Brisbane)

Ana's having a winning week, which is obviously much better than what's been happening for her since Roland Garros.  But is it really a sign of recovery?  There's a tendency to (rather dramatically) pretend like since she won RG in 2008, Ana's been losing in the first round every week.  But of course that's not true.  She won Linz that fall, made the quarters of Brisbane and Dubai and the final of IW last year, and made the third or fourth round at three out of four Slams last year.  Of course, those aren't the results that anyone expects from her, but they're not exactly Nicole Vaidisova, either.  So far this week she's beaten-- in tough matches-- people who are ranked significantly below her.  Since there's not anyone at Brisbane ranked significantly above her, even a win at the event might not be a very good indicator of where, precisely, she is at this point.

Justine Henin (Brisbane)
She's back, and she's winning, but winning how?  Her matches have all been close, and with the exception of Nadia Petrova, they've not been against people ranked anywhere near what is popularly thought of as Justine's caliber.  We all know what Justine's capable of, her record is clear evidence of that.  But it shouldn't be forgotten, either, how dismal the last few months of her "first" career were, or that she has yet to play-- let alone beat-- a top 10 player on her comeback.  

Flavia Pennetta (Auckland)
Flavia's usual modus operandi is to have a pretty dismal winter, pick up at Acapulco, have a couple of good clay events, and then really come alive on the US Open Series in the summer.  But this year in Auckland she's come roaring out of the gates, kicking ass and taking names.  Hmmm.

Things That Absolutely, Positively, Indicate Amazing Future Performances

Caroline Wozniacki, Victoria Azarenka (Twitter)

 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Vera Zvonareva (Hong Kong)

 
Whaddya know.  Some shit is completely predictable after all.

We Enjoyed Ourselves Too, Nadia!

Nadia Petrova gave Justine Henin the one welcome back present she really needed: a hell of a match. 

Who would have thought this would turn out to be as good of a match as it was?  With her tendency to tense up against big opponents (or little opponents – hey Melanie Oudin!), the odds on Nadia stepping up against The Return of The Mac were low. However, from the start it was obvious that Nads was going to fight for this.  Her biggest weapon has always been her serve and it was on last night.  Or was it this morning?  It’s impossible to tell time this month.  Of course two typical Nadia headcase moments at 5-5 in both sets gave Justine the break to serve it out.

 

This match is exactly what I think Justine needed.  A big hitter with a big serve who could challenge her through two sets.  It will prepare her well for possible match-ups in coming weeks.  She looks good.  I still don’t notice much change in her serve but her first serve winning percentage was high.  She’s not the Justine of 2006-2007, and there’s no telling if she’ll ever reach that level again.  But for her first WTA match back, things are looking good for Juju. 

The feel good moment of the match came in the first set changeover.  Nadia's coach asked her if she was enjoying herself to which Nads exclaimed, “Actually, yes!”  Nice to see.  From reports, she has worked her ass off in the off season with her relatively new coach (all of Nadia’s coaches are usually new in some capacity) and trainer.  Nothing to be ashamed of with this one, Nads.

 
Of course, I think she enjoyed herself more.

 

 
One of the best/worst parts of Justine's return, depending on how you see it?  The return of her crazy fans. 

(via sodapop)

Pic This: Weekend Wrap-Up

 
Self-referential stereotyping: ur doin it rite.

Hmm... someone spent her time out of tennis taking some modern dance.

Come on, Kim, it hasn't been that long.  Use that thing you're holding, not your foot.

Brisbane Draw: Before...

... and after.  Whoops.

"Hmmm.  No, the sign in for Awkward Couple of the Week isn't closed yet."

Agnes, don't think you're off the hook here, but what the hell is Timea wearing?

And, because they're so special they deserve their own category [cue circus music]...

 
I wish I'd watched this.  Does she even have to crouch down when he serves?

 
"Look in my eyes! ... if you can tilt your head back that far."

LOL indeed, Melanie.  L.O.L.

Who'd Nadia Piss Off?

First she has to play (and lose to) Masha approximately 700,000 times in the first 6 months of Masha's injury comeback, and now she has to play Justine (to whom she lost in an exhibition in Cairo a couple of weeks ago) in JuJu's first tournament back after her retirement extended sabbatical.

Kim, OTOH, drew Tathiana Garbin, so...

... let's get this party started!

Draw

Top Seeds: Kim, Nads, Ana, Dani

Potential Quarterfinals: Kim v. A-Woz, Dani v. Benesova, Ana v. Kleybs, Nads v. Czink

Potentially Interesting First Round Matches: Molik v. Makarova, Kleybs v. Pavs, Dokic v. Ivanovic, Henin v. Petrova

Interesting Questions: How will the comebacks of Molik and JuJu go?  What kind of shape are Jelena D. and Ana in?  Will Kleybs stick ice cubes up her cooch?

Nads and I Are Total BFF

The Ladies talk about their guilty food pleasures.  Not surprisingly, no one asked Dinara because we all know the answer already.

Nadia Petrova: Burger and french fries with everything on it, and Coke. At a nicer restaurant though!

Elena Dementieva: Chips. It’s my favorite bad habit. Potato chips and pizza. The chips are simple – just sea salt. I like to keep it as natural as possible

Vera Zvonareva: My mom makes this Napoleon cake a few times a year…

Liezel Huber: Chips. Not fries, but as in chips from the packet!

Cara Black: My favorite bad food is ice cream!

Sabine Lisicki: Ice cream. Italian ice cream!

Vania King: Fried chicken.

Dominika Cibulkova: A Slovakian dish my grandma cooks called Bryndzove Halusky… it’s potato dumplings with cheese and bacon… and it’s unbelievable.

Bethanie Mattek-Sands: Dark chocolate-covered almonds and sweet potato fries… not together, of course!

Aleksandra Wozniak: My indulgence is chocolates.

Caroline Wozniacki: Crêpes with nutella… it’s SO good.

Ana Ivanovic: Pancakes with nutella!

Michaella Krajicek: Porridge with pieces of chocolate in it. I really love it.

Katarina Srebotnik: Chocolate

Dude.  Nads.  Indian Wells.  You.  Me.  In n Out.

Wow.  That sounded really dirty.  Also dirty?  Whatever the heck Domi is talking about. 

Moskau, Moskau!

The biggie for this week is Kremlin Cup; an ATP 250 for the men and a Premier for the women.  Since it's the week before Doha, most of the top women are giving Moscow a miss.  Never mind that, though, because the four women still in contention for the last spot/alternate status at YEC are all playing.  Davai!

ATP

Nads did the draw.  This is a picture of her immediately after she drew Safin/Davydenko for the first round.  Heh.

 

Yeah, well done, Nads.  So, I suppose we can expect Marat to exit stage right from his last Kremlin Cup relatively early.  Although he did beat Kolya there last year.  Anyway...

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Kolya, Victor Hanescu, Misha, Igor Andreev

Potential Quarterfinals: Kolya/Martin Vassallo Arguello, Igor/Janko, Misha/Fabrice, Hanescu/Pablo Cuevas

Potential Interesting Early Matches: Kolya/Marat (1R)

Interesting Story Lines: Will Igor Andreev repeat as "Mr. Fair Play"?  Will Marat actually give a shit? 

WTA

 

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Vera, JJ, Aga, Flavs

Potential Quarterfinals: Vera/Nads, JJ/Lena V, Aga/Franny, Flavs/Dominika

Potential Interesting Early Matches: CanWoz/Errani (1R), Flavs/Agnes (1R), JJ/Shvedova (1R), Vera/Pavs (2R), Aga/Winner of CanWoz v. Errani (2R), Franny/Sorana (2R), Flavs/Dushevina (2R), JJ/Lucie (2R)

Interesting Story Line: 4 players. 3 YEC spots.  Bring.  It.  On.

Huh. Ok.

Nice to see you're so excited about making your second straight semifinal by beating Lena, Agi.  Don't ever change.  Kuz cruised over Pavs in straight sets, setting up a fantastically headcasey semifinal against...

The Serena Slayer.  Big ups to Nads, who followed up her win over Serena with a three set win over Bollitieri Beater Shuai Peng.  Peng took the first set in a tiebreaker and was playing really well until she hurt her left leg.  From there is was just a matter of time before Nads ran away with it, though seriously, she was still Nadsy about it.  Headcases forever!

And in the "Wha happen???" story of the day, Mono somehow rallied from 63 51 down to win over Bepa.  What. The. Fuck. Vera.  She only won 7 points in the second set after leading 5-1.

Knockout

Oh, Nads.  You badass motherfucker.

In what sounded like a pretty epic match, Nads took out current world #2, soon to be world #1, but really was always the real #1, Serena, 64 36 76 (5).  Nads served 14 aces for the match, which was pretty huge.  Here's the AP's description of the match:

The 28-year-old Williams looked lethargic in the first set, with her ground strokes sailing long and her serve broken twice to hand the 27-year-old Russian the early lead.

But the American bounced back in the second, putting a bit more pace on her shots and dictating play from the backcourt to gain a break late in the set and even the match.

In the deciding third set, Williams missed a golden opportunity to pull ahead at 4-4, blowing three break points on Petrova's serve. But she cranked up her serve to send it to a tiebreak.

Petrova took an early 5-2 lead, but Williams battled back one final time before the Russian could close it out.

Apparently there was some controversy at the end regarding a line call but I don't really know what happened there.  What I *do* know is what Serena said after the match:

"I ran into a girl today that has never played so good in her whole life...."

"I can be No. 1 for a week on this tour, but it doesn't matter how many Grand Slams you win. It's more about how many Grand Slams you don't win. My goal is just to do well in Doha."

To quote a certain Russian Siberian Bitch, "Shocking. Shocking she said that."

Also, since the fuck when did Serena give a shit about doing well in Doha?

Nadia: Cultural Learnings of Japan for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Russia

Seriously.  How awesome sauce would a Nadia Petrova travel show be?  Someone tell TTC to can Mika Buchan or whoever they have hosting Destination: Tennis and slot Nadia in there.

Though I guess her salary demands would be pretty high.  That second chin is going to demand some cash.

So great.

Pic This: Natural Habitats

Here's what I love about WTA marketing.  Nads gets into a cab and where does she go?

Shopping, of course!

Sam gets into a cab and where does she go?

To...work out.

Naturally.

Hey man, those foreceps don't work themselves.

Nads: She'll Try Anything Once. And Then Come Back For More.

I love the WTA for always marching out Nads to do stuff that other players might flinch at. Her facial expression when she's trying the mochi is the exact same one that she had when drank the Purple Hooter that Dima whipped up for her.

And for the record, the mochi with the red bean?   SO GOOD.

Closer I Am To Fine

Pretty much can't wipe the smile off my face right now.

Last American Hero

Well holy shit.

 

Four matches, four Russians.  And if Caro didn't go ahead and bounce Kuz, Mel would have had a chance to scalp  fifth.  The funny thing about this match is that even though Nads took the first 61, you just kind of knew this kid wasn't going out like that.  And sure enough, once she regrouped and was able to pressure Nads and get the crowd into the match, Nads went all Nadsy and we had ourselves a match.

 

Poor Nads.  There was no reason she should have lost this match.  Then again, there's no reason she should have won it either.  The Russian headcasiness continues.  As much as these matches have been won with The Kid's tennis skills, even more so it's been her competitiveness that seal the deal.  She's able to put just enough pressure on them to get those doubts flowing.  Serious props to her.

 

So The Kid will play The Boots for a shot at the USO semis, and really, a REAAAAALLY good shot at the USO finals.  Boots came back from dropping the first set to battle Kuz to a 46 76 76 win.  More importantly she has torpedoed anymore Stella McCartney jokes.  I can honestly say I'm sadder about the latter.

So with Wickmayer and K-Bond making up the other quarterfinal in this half (yes, you read that right), we have ZERO Russians or Serbs in the quarters of a Slam. 

What.  Happened.

Oh, I Hope You Know What You're In For, Pops.

That is a true fan.  She's wearing the Olympic kit and showing off her belly and everything.  Good on you, Papa.  He's even rockin the Krajan hair.

 

Dina needed all the help she could get to scrape by Roberta Vinci today.  She dropped the first 26 and then had to battle back from breaks down in the second and third set, before breaking for the win, 26 75 64.  Looks like the serve was pretty wonktastic, as she threw in 10 double faults.

Dina's not the only one who had to grind out a win.  It took Sorana 75 75 to beat Meghan Shaughnnessy (she's still playing?), Dani had to come back from a set down to beat Errani, And Agnes needed 5 and 5 to take out the always riveting Ula.

You know who didn't have to work too hard for a win?  Shuai Peng.  She dumped out Domi at 2 and 1.  Hee.

And in other upset news, Nads "R-r-r-ruffles have R-r-r-ridges" bowed out to A-Bond.

"Is She Your Favorite Player?"

Work has been a bitch all week but I was finally able to make it to Stanford for Thursday's evening session, which featured JJ vs. Boom Boom and Nads/B-Matt vs. Klebs/Rodionova.  I was able to secure a front row baseline ticket and we were in business.

The JJ/Boom Boom match was full of starts and stops by both players.  In the first set Boom Boom was, well, booming her serve and her forehand.  JJ was playing tentatively, as she's prone to do when she gets nervous or doesn't know what to do, and Sabine was just teeing off on the ball. 

The second set saw Sabine just lose her way.  Spraying balls all over the place and missing first serves.  She seems really conscious of her service toss.  She practices the toss motion quite a bit between serves and while it doesn't wonk off like Ana, you can tell when she's going to hit the slice as opposed to a flat serve.  Clearly the service issues got into her head because she stopped moving her feet on her groundies and she was just off balance all set. 

The last set went back and forth but all of a sudden JJ found her serve and began holding pretty easily.  It was over after that, as Sabine's serving woes pretty much gave JJ the match.  Serving to stay in the match, Boom Boom tossed in two doubles to pretty much give JJ the match.  One serve bounced before it hit the net. 

So good on JJ for scraping through.  The match was a typical JJ show.  Some interaction with the crowd, lots of Serbian screams to the heavens, sniping at the ballkids, but in the end she found a way to win.  Papa JJ and Ricky were in the crowd.  No sign of Kung Fu Tennis dude.

Next up, Indigo Girls vs. Kleybs & Co.  Nads and Bethanie were nails in the first set, and then Nads starting stinking up the joint in the second.  The tiebreak was tight until the IGs opened it up with a stick forehand volley from Nads and then a ripped forehand return up the line by Bethanie.  It got tight again after that but you had the feeling Nads and Bethanie would pull it out, which they did.

Apparently I was cheering for Nads pretty hard during the match, to the point that the woman sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Is she your favorite player?"

All in all, a fun time.  I'm going to get tickets to tomorrow's night session to see Masha vs. Venus.  That'll mark Maria's first big match against a true top player since her return.  Can't wait.

I Don't Know, Cones. You Might Want To Start Thinking About It.

Move Over Tiger, Here Comes Nadia

I always try that "catching the ball on your racquet" trick and I fail miserably.

And if you don't get the title reference:



But here's my fave Tiger video:


Love you so much, Le Tigre.

Pic This: Awesome Shit From Day 1

And so it begins.  Yet another two weeks of frazzletastic tennis a (what non-tennis fans would call) ridiculous surface.


Have I mentioned lately how awesome Shazza is?  No?  Oh, ok.  CUZ SHE IS.


As is the Flying Falcon, who looks like he can hit a leaping overhead and jack himself off all at the same time.


Momo?  So awesome that even douchey white dudes with popped collars like her.  Her awesomeness knows no demographic bounds.

 
Is Fed awesome?  Depends on the definition of awesome we're using.  But you know what needs no definitional clarification?  Fed's awesome mooseknuckle, which he goes out of his way to show off all the time.  Seriously, I must have at least 15 GOATknuckle shots on my hard drive.


Jay-Z.  Always awesome, even when beating other awesome players.


Wait, how'd This Fucker get on the list?  *shakes fist* Damn you, Sod. 


Nads? Awesome.  That dress?  Not awesome. 

Is that a ruffle bandolier?  Because that would easily be the absolute gayest thing to ever come out of Mexico.


Nipple shoes.  Always awesome.  Because I get to write the word "nipple".


Come on.  The definition of.


Jude Law?  Not awesome.  But who's that I see two seats to the left?  Is that the ever awesome ex-Mr. Jolie JONNY LEE MILLER???  Yes, yes, I think it is.  Someone needs to get me some Eli Stone/Slackers/Edmund Bertrum, stat!


Fed's propensity for statuesque poses.  He makes tennis look pretty.  And fancy. 


Tuxedo's eyebrows.  A-some.


Adidas' new grass shoes, judging by the pictures, are clearly 92% better than Nike shoes.


700,000% awesome.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

I would have rough sex with Dima anyday.  Hell, I'd probably have rough sex with Nads too if she promised to wear a cowboy hat.

Adopt Me!

I do heart these two. 

I want them to be my big bro and sis. 

Even though I'm older.  And Dima's kind of a dick.

But who better to introduce me to the awesomeness of alcohol?

Can We Get Together on This One?

Bizarro Week AWESOMENESS:

Funnest doubles team ev-ah!  That was a great match between them and Serena/Venus, and Beth and Nads looked beyond thrilled to win it.  They play Black/Huber next, but whatever, it's been awesome while it's lasted!

"Multiply Life By The Power Of Two."

How about some love for our favorite happily ever after dubs team? 

They beat Flavs/Dulko, 57 63 10-7 to take their second straight clay final.  On their way to the title they beat #1 and #3 seeds.

I wonder where they're registered.

Aw, Man. Why You Gotta Play On Nads Like That, WTA?

Seriously? In what world is it an upgrade to turn Nads into a blonde Chinese hooker?  8%, guys.

I Don't Know, Russia. I'm Not Feeling It.

Italy's got their game faces on. 

And never underestimate what Tranny can do during Fed Cup.  Or Flavs for that matter. 

As for the Russians, they come in a bit battered and shell-shocked:

Into the second singles berth steps the 22nd- ranked Anna Chakvetadze who has registered only four wins to her name this year, four less than Nadia Petrova who can count herself unlucky to be watching from the bench.

Winners of 15 of their last 16 ties, Russia will look to Svetlana Kuznetsova to provide a backbone for success. Kuznetsova is now coachless after her split last month from Olga Morozova but is enjoying a Fed Cup run of eight straight singles wins. She admits though that preparations this week have not been perfect: “We have not managed to practise indoors, only outdoors, and not as much as we should have because of the conditions but we are looking forward to the weekend.”

Chakky only has 4 wins this year?  Ugh.

Saturday
Flavia Pennetta (ITA) v Anna Chakvetadze (RUS)
Francesca Schiavone (ITA) v Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)

Sunday
Flavia Pennetta (ITA) v Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)
Francesca Schiavone (ITA) v Anna Chakvetadze (RUS)
Sara Errani /Roberta Vinci (ITA) v Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova/Nadia Petrova (RUS)

Draw day interviews with Chakky, Sveta, Flavs, Tranny, and Nads and Chevy.

Air Quotes: Roadmap Rumblings

"For top players the Roadmap is a lot of commitments, which makes it a bit difficult when you're kind of forced to play a particular tournament.  If you talk to many of the top players, they're not happy about that and would like to come up with changes for the next season."

-- Nadia Petrova, on how the 2009 Roadmap is going over with the top ladies.  No shock.