Forty Deuce

Air Quotes: Aw, Little Kitty Grew Claws.

I wanted to come here. I wanted to play for my country. Other people choose different things. Some people I guess didn't want to play as badly as I did.

But I think that the team that we had here really wanted to be here. You don't want people here that don't want to be here. Even if you lose, if you give it everything you have, then that's the best you can do.

-- Melanie Oudin, on the privilege of Fed Cup...or something.

Go Fish, Kids.

At 2am this morning, I was reminded how much I love watching clay court tennis.

As expected, Team Italy is well on its way to hoisting the Fed Cup after two straight set wins by Flavia and Tranny.

It didn't take much from Flavia to beat Glatch 3 and 1 in a little over an hour.  I really don't know why Alexa says clay is her favorite surface.  She. Can. Not. Move.  Solid match from Flavia, who constructed points and used the slow clay to perfection.  Nothing Glatch could do, really.  She was just completely out of her league on this one.

The key match was Franny vs. Melanie.  Franny's been on a roll lately and Melanie, well, she's well-rested and a fighter.  She's proven us wrong before.

 

But not this time.  Mel came blasting out of the gate and held a 4-2 lead before rain suspended play and the wheels came off the Believe Train.  She'd get broken and would drop the tiebreaker and the second set, 62.

 

So Italy has their 2-0 lead and it's all smiles times for the Poker Team. 

Welcome To Italy, Kids.

Ah, the face of confidence.

The draw for the Fed Cup final took place today, and yeah, Italy's still in a good spot.

Round 1: Flavia Pennetta vs. Alexa Glatch

Round 2: Francesca Schiavone vs. Melanie Oudin

Round 3: Flavia Pennetta vs. Melanie Oudin
Round 4: Francesca Schiavone vs. Alexa Glatch

Round 5: Sara Errani/Roberta Vinci vs. Liezel Huber/Vania King

It's a good draw for Italy.  Flavia on clay is always tough, though Alexa Glatch claims its her favorite surface because it gives her time, but more importantly, Tranny has been on a roll as of late, winning 9 of her last 10 matches.  If she can take out the US #1 on the first day, then Italy's golden after Day 1. 

All that said, I'm looking forward to this final.  You know Italy's going to bring it.  Here's hoping MJ finds a way to inspire her kids one more time.

Honey, You're Not A Cowboy. Arms To Your Sides, Please.

Love the Jock Walk.

Pic This: Book 'Em, Danno.

 

Please don't get ass-raped by Fed.  Not sure I could take another one of those.

Weird.  My boyfriend has that distant look in his eyes when I give him a handjob, too.

*whispers*

That's not Sanowa, Richard.

Fairly certain my abs would snap in two attempting this.

 

You know, it's a good thing that my blog is way classier than Perez Hilton's, because I could MS Paint a pretty awesome lollipop there.

Air Quotes: American Idol

Q. And the most strange, most odd thing that’s happened during this whole run that was a little surprising to you?

MELANIE OUDIN: Well, I never thought that I’d play Maria Sharapova on Arthur Ashe Stadium at the US Open this year. Definitely did not see that coming. So that whole match, just getting to play her and beating her, I’ve never met her before, so shaking her hand after the match was the first time I met her. It was crazy. The whole thing, though, I loved it.

Q. We heard Roger Federer introduced himself to you. What was that like?

MELANIE OUDIN: It was really nice. His agent actually introduced us, and he told me congratulations. I was going to tell him congratulations too, and I totally forgot about that he just had, you know, twin girls and all that stuff. My mind just kind of froze getting to meet him.

He told me good job at Fed Cup and everything. He knew how I did here and everything. It was pretty cool getting to meet him.

The Thing About Being Famous...

...is that any and all skeletons will be dragged out of the closet.

Leave.

The train stops here.

 

Hell of a run, Kid.  So much to be proud of.  But it was inevitable.  When you're elevated to America's Sweetheart status only one thing can happen.  You crash under the weight of expectation, particularly when you've got a captive audience.  Call 1800 BRITNEY for further insight.

Also, the world ran out of "Believe" puns.  So the jig was up.

Congrats to Caro, who played a really solid and professional match to finally break through and make her first Slam semifinal.  Let's face it, she hasn't had to face *that* stiff of competition, but she's taking advantage of the situation and will most likely, barring a complete meltdown, make her first Slam final appearance. And she will do it the same way that counterpunchers have done it in the past: playing steady, absorbing power, and waiting for the other guy to fuck up.  Hell, JJ did it last year.

 

Shit the pants, kid.  You've earned it.

 

Pic This: Work It

Today was Labor Day in the states, which means no working, lots of out of towning, and, if you're in the Bay Area, lots of trying to figure out how the hell you're supposed to get to a BBQ in the East Bay when the Bay Bridge is shut down.  Let's just say Tommy wasn't the only one with that look this weekend.

But while we were being lazy bums, the action in NYC kept rolling.

 

Doesn't this look like a "Pic This" pic?  But I can't think of the perfect caption, even though it's begging for one.  Kinda like how Caro's begging to get f'd in the a. 

Oh, look!  Caption!

Smug little bastard.

 

The Sex expert.

 

This is Yanina Wickmayer.  She is a quarterfinalist.  Or something.

Last American Hero

Well holy shit.

 

Four matches, four Russians.  And if Caro didn't go ahead and bounce Kuz, Mel would have had a chance to scalp  fifth.  The funny thing about this match is that even though Nads took the first 61, you just kind of knew this kid wasn't going out like that.  And sure enough, once she regrouped and was able to pressure Nads and get the crowd into the match, Nads went all Nadsy and we had ourselves a match.

 

Poor Nads.  There was no reason she should have lost this match.  Then again, there's no reason she should have won it either.  The Russian headcasiness continues.  As much as these matches have been won with The Kid's tennis skills, even more so it's been her competitiveness that seal the deal.  She's able to put just enough pressure on them to get those doubts flowing.  Serious props to her.

 

So The Kid will play The Boots for a shot at the USO semis, and really, a REAAAAALLY good shot at the USO finals.  Boots came back from dropping the first set to battle Kuz to a 46 76 76 win.  More importantly she has torpedoed anymore Stella McCartney jokes.  I can honestly say I'm sadder about the latter.

So with Wickmayer and K-Bond making up the other quarterfinal in this half (yes, you read that right), we have ZERO Russians or Serbs in the quarters of a Slam. 

What.  Happened.

Air Quotes: Bwah.

Q. After Melanie beat Jelena Jankovic in Wimbledon, Jelena Jankovic said she doesn't have many weapons and she wasn't too impressed.

MARIA SHARAPOVA: Shocking. Shocking that she said that. 

ZOMG!!!

Amazing.  Really amazing.

What can I say really?  The kid absolutely took this match to Maria, whose service woes finally caught up to her.  But even putting the serving problems aside, Oudin absolutely 100% punched her way through this match.  She outhit her and even more impressively, she stayed just as competitive.  The Kid (yeah, that's a capital K now) absolutely earned this one.

Maria called a MTO in the third for what looked like a right elbow/arm issue.  Augh.

This picture makes me happy.  Tough go, Masha.  Go heal that shoulder.

Pic This: Do You Believe In Magic?

Melanie Oudin's shoes ushered in a crazy day four at the USO. 

What is up with the obsession with Hubba Bubba?

 

Hubba Hubba.

 

Not so much.

 

The forgotten but adorable Swisser.  You go on with your winky self, Chuds.

 

Mmmm...drumstick.

I have stared at this picture for 5 minutes now.  I literally have nothing interesting or funny to say.  So goes my relationship with Tommy Boredo.

 

Seriously.  Sandwiches are your friend, Andy.

 

Blue Steel.

Alert The ITF

Ok, someone needs to ask that Competition kit to pee into a cup. 

And get that thigh wrap tested, too. Apparently it has special upset powers. 

 

Congrats to young Melanie Oudin for pulling off the upset of the tournament by coming back from a set down to take out USO Series champ and tourney semi-favorite Elena D, 57 64 63.

I mean, holy crap, you guys?  Can we stick a nail through the "Elena will win a Slam eventually" idea once and for all?  Credit to Oudin.  Kid gritted her teeth through a thigh injury that brought her to tears on court.  But Elena?  Oudin has NO WEAPONS.  She can't hit you off the court.  Sure, she can kind of run things down, but she's not that mobile. 

What the hell happened here?  Can't wait to watch it when I get home.

Sleepers

Agi and Lena are quietly into the quarterfinals via straight set wins.  Agi took care of Melanie Oudin in two tough sets 64 75, and Lena dispatched Vez 1 and 3.

Agi will play Venus next.  Lena on the other hand looks well on her way to making her second straight Wimbly semis.  She'll play the winner of Tranny/Gypsy.

Air Quotes: Mmmm, This Medicine Is Tasty. Is It Your Own?

"But, you know, from what I have seen, you know, she can play if you let her play. But she cannot hurt you with anything. She doesn't have any weapons, you know, from what I've seen...  She's a consistent and quite solid player. She doesn't make so many mistakes. But she doesn't do anything either, so it's like she's depending kind of on you."

-- Jelena Jankovic, describing hersel-- I mean, Melanie Oudin's game.  Consistent and solid with no weapons?  Yeah, she sounds like a crap player to me too, JJ.

"I Can't Help It If I Have A Wide Set Vagina And A Heavy Flow."

So...this was a new one.

I mean, really, who other than JJ would go into a presser hell bent on talking about her lady times?  Who?  Just say you're sick, weren't feeling well, have a virus, whatever.  But leave the "riding the crimson wave" excuses for school.

And she couldn't even just leave it at that.  The Queen of Drama brought it:

Q. Can you tell us just how difficult conditions were for you.

JELENA JANKOVIC: Conditions were quite tough. It was very warm out there. But that was not, you know, my problem. After the first set, I felt really dizzy, and I thought that I was just gonna end up in the hospital. I started to shake. I was losing my ‑ how you say ‑ consciousness.

I didn't know. I was really gonna lose it, you know, to fall down and just, you know, probably go ‑‑ call the ambulance and leave the court. But I came back. Like I started to feel a little bit better.

...

Q. Have you been struggling for a few days, or is it just today?

JELENA JANKOVIC: No, I felt okay, and then all of a sudden I won that first set. I felt, you know, I was like a ghost, you know, white in the face. Really, I didn't know where I was.

The physio came out and she asked me, Do you know like what is your name? I just saw blurry. I didn't know. It was really strange feeling. I was scared and I started to cry in this kind of situation.

But what can I do? These kind of things happen. Didn't have, you know, enough energy to hit the shots, to go after the shots, to do the right things. But I did the best that I could. And what can I do?

And of course, the money question:

Q. Is that the first time your monthly cycle has affected you so dramatically like that?

JELENA JANKOVIC: No, I never had problem like that in the past. It was my first time experience, so...

It's just so weird.  Always something with her. 

 
Hopefully JJ's menses don't overshadow young Melanie Oudin's guts and courage.  She really should have taken the first set but just kept missing by *thismuch* on set points.  But I loved her shot selection and she had the balls to go for her shots while JJ was just dumping the ball back.  Then in the second set she just kept plugging away, refusing to allow a let down after losing the first set.

That's two really huge wins for Melanie this year in some high profile, big stakes matches.  Well done, kid.  And it may not end on Monday.  She'll play Agi, who definitely isn't going to blast her off the court.  But either way, great run for her from qualifying through to the second week.