Forty Deuce

Two and Four, Bitches.

Davis Cup never fails to shock and awe.  Les Bleus, or "The Rejected Musketeers", came into this weekend depleted.  No Jo, no Gael, and no Reeshard.  So Guy looked down his short bench and tapped a dude who hadn't won a match SINCE OCTOBER, to be his singles #2 behind "I Suck at Davis Cup" Gilles.

Well, you're looking like a genius, Guy.  After Gilles imploded against Melzer (he lost in five sets despite being up 2 sets to one and a break in the fourth), getting bageled in the 5th in case you were wondering, Jeremy stepped up and saved France with a four set win over Martin Fischer, a player who, to be quite honest, I have never heard of. 

But whatever.  A win is a win and France lives on to play Germany.  Your timing is impeccable, Chards.

(Pics: Getty)

For This, We Get Some Long Overdue PicSpam.

YOU WON A MATCH!!!

IN STRAIGHT SETS!!!

OVER A TOP 10 PLAYER!!!

Jeremy pulled off the upset of the day (yes, I think it was the biggest of the day) with a straight set win over Jurgen, on clay, in an Austrian hangar.  That is his first win of 2011. 

France ends the day 2-0 up.  Allez!

(Pics: AP, Getty)

Pic This: Day 3

And with that, the first round at RG is in the books.  Mildly uneventful from a seed perspective.  But that's the fun part about actually watching the matches as opposed to score-tracking:  All the little funnies along the way.

"So then this guy named Christian something opens the door and they all go inside..."

Oh don't be coy.  It doesn't suit you.

Do they have Rockette's in the UK?

Watch!

This used to be funny.  It's kinda not anymore.

Oh, Cone.  I miss you.

More after the jump.

"You Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Put It All Together..."

Ernie, Jeremy, and Mario (!) all win. 

But then Mels, Lucie, Cones, and Burrito lose.  I mean, those last two I don't really care about except that I wanted to witness their particular brands of crazy in person.  Nice win for Bethany though.  I give all credit to her bringing the fashion back.

Oh, and Ryan Harrison beat Taylor Dent.  He's 17 years old.  Can we put move the pressure from Mels over to him now?  Thanks.

Men's Singles - First Round
E Gulbis (LAT) d M Chiudinelli (SUI) 36 63 63
P Cuevas (URU) d F Gil (POR) 64 75
F Serra (FRA) d A Falla (COL) 61 62
[Q] R Delgado (PAR) d A Beck (GER) 67(2) 62 64
[Q] K Anderson (RSA) d [Q] B Phau (GER) 63 63
J Chardy (FRA) d P Starace (ITA) 61 41 Retired
M Ancic (CRO) d [Q] B Reynolds (USA) 46 63 64
[Q] R Schuettler (GER) d [Q] T Alves (BRA) 75 60
G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d L Lacko (SVK) 46 64 75
[WC] C Moya (ESP) d [Q] T Smyczek (USA) 76(7) 76(5)
F Fognini (ITA) d O Rochus (BEL) 64 16 75
D Koellerer (AUT) d R Ram (USA) 61 63
[Q] B Dabul (ARG) d L Mayer (ARG) 76(4) 62
[WC] R Harrison (USA) d T Dent (USA) 63 64
P Petzschner (GER) d C Rochus (BEL) 62 75
M Fish (USA) d M Berrer (GER) 16 61 63

Women's Singles - First Round
C Suarez Navarro (ESP) d A Cornet (FRA) 64 16 62
[Q] Y Chan (TPE) d S Voegele (SUI) 60 75
[Q] T Pironkova (BUL) d [Q] A Amanmuradova (UZB) 63 62
B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) d A Petkovic (GER) 63 63
P Kvitova (CZE) d A Brianti (ITA) 63 64
[WC] B Mattek-Sands (USA) d Y Shvedova (KAZ) 75 75
S Errani (ITA) d [Q] V Kutuzova (UKR) 75 62
[Q] P Martic (CRO) d [WC] A Tomljanovic (CRO) 76(4) 61
S Bammer (AUT) d K Srebotnik (SLO) 36 75 61
A Dulgheru (ROU) d [Q] M Larcher de Brito (POR) 62 62
R Vinci (ITA) d M Oudin (USA) 36 63 60
J Goerges (GER) d L Safarova (CZE) 75 36 63
[Q] S Stephens (USA) d L Hradecka (CZE) 76(5) 76(7)
A Sevastova (LAT) d [Q] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) 62 36 61
[Q] K Sprem (CRO) d [Q] S Perry (USA) 62 46 63
J Coin (FRA) d [WC] T Paszek (AUT) 64 63

Women's Doubles - First Round
[2] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) / M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) d L Dekmeijere (LAT) / P Schnyder (SUI) 62 64
[3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) d J Coin (FRA) / M Pelletier (CAN) 64 62
M Kirilenko (RUS) / A Radwanska (POL) d [4] L Raymond (USA) / R Stubbs (AUS) 64 46 10-3
S Borwell (GBR) / R Kops-Jones (USA) d A Medina Garrigues (ESP) / C Wozniacki (DEN) 76(4) 46 10-2
V Dushevina (RUS) / A Rodionova (AUS) d V Ruano Pascual (ESP) / M Shaughnessy (USA) 75 36 10-4
[WC] T Garbin (ITA) / J Jankovic (SRB) d [WC] L Safarova (CZE) / V Zvonareva (RUS) 76(4) 63
G Dulko (ARG) / F Pennetta (ITA) d V Uhlirova (CZE) / R Voracova (CZE) 16 64 10-5