Forty Deuce

Pic This: Yeesh.

Is the dress actually sawing her in half?  At least then it'd be functional.

"He's Such a Copycat."

A few of you have written inquiring as to when the next installment of the Forty Deuce podcast would be up.  Here's the deal: It is SUPER awkward to do a podcast by yourself.  And with my partner in crime (heh), Love All, off at an undisclosed location for much of this year, I've had to shelve the podcasts.  Unfortunately my dog has very little to say about tennis.

But you can't say that I don't listen so here's the next installment, wherein I've roped in Forty Deuce regulars Sodapop, Carrie, and Victoria, to talk about everything from my general apathy towards Ana's losses, illegal immigration, and Stan's second fiddle, to how badly the WTA marketing department has failed, our love for tennis umpires, and the intimate details contained in Sodapop's diary.  You'll have to excuse any technical issues.  I'm still trying to master it all.  But I'll get it all worked out and I can promise your tech savvy and topically focused p-casts in the future.

I'm warning you, it's a long one and very WTA heavy.  Perfect for sitting in traffic while you're on your way to wherever you don't want to be.

Download Here.

Air Quotes: Tired Already?

"In the third set I was physically drained and didn't have enough energy to finish the match."

-- JJ, after her quarterfinal loss to Mono. 

It has been well-documented that I can't stand the heat.  I complain when SF gets above 70 degrees.  That said, I was sitting comfortably in the stands during JJ's match in jeans, a long sleeve white t-shirt, and a black cotton vest.  Honey, if you're drained by a match against Mono, wherein the rallies lasted for an average of seven shots, in the arid 85 degree Palo Alto weather, you're in for a world of hurt during the US hardcourt season.

Pwnd

Hrmph.  That wasn't supposed to happen.

Granted I missed the third set because I had to make a Sprinkles run.  But at least for the first two sets, JJ was playing the way she needed to play: aggressively.  She was going for her shots and leaning into her groundies, really forcing Mono to play defense.  Had two match points points and couldn't convert and then she played a shit tiebreak in the second.  But I figured she'd be fine in the third.  Tells you what I know.

Lynn and Eva taking in the match and getting some sun.  Eva kept hamming it up with those fans. 

The people sitting around me kept looking at weird, wondering why I was taking pics of something other than the court.  Whatever.  This coming from people who, in response to me shouting "C'mon, JJ" whispered, "JJ?  Why is she calling her JJ?"

Air Quotes: Keep Them Claws Out

“I don’t know what to say. It looks like she’s playing every single week, more than anyone else. If she can play two tournaments in a week, she will do this.”

-- Lena D, on JJ's complaints that the Roadmap doesn't let her play everywhere she wants.

I've Got Some Lotto Numbers, If You're Interested.

Remember this?  Yeah, the "C" Stands for "Cleo", bitches.  It's so on.  From TennisReporters.net:

[A] coy Bartoli said that she preferred to face crushed Jankovic rather than the German because ‘ I always beat her.’ Bartoli is 4-3 against Jankovic and has won their last three matches. JJ was a bit stunned to hear the comments.

“She talks like she’s just Serena Williams,” Jankovic said. “Everybody had a right to say what she wants. I’m not really focused on Bartoli. She’s not like my biggest rival or someone I look up to or I’m scared of. She’s just one of the players on tour, not a big name, or someone who is making the big results or headlines in the game."

When she left the press conference to go for a doping test (something she wasn’t pleased about given that she might have to stay on site past midnight), Jankovic added with a smile, “Bartoli is going to get it tomorrow.”

It's enough to make me actually ditch work to watch a Mono match.  Hmmm...that's an idea...

Thursday's Results:
Singles - Second Round
(1) Serena Williams (USA) d. Melinda Czink (HUN) 63 76(7)
(2) Venus Williams (USA) d. (Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 61 75
(4) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Sabine Lisicki (GER) 26 62 64
(8) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. (Q) Melanie Oudin (USA) 75 64

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(3) Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Kleybanova/Rodionova (RUS/RUS) 64 46 1210
(4) Cirstea/Kirilenko (ROU/RUS) d. Coin/Pelletier (FRA/CAN) 63 63

Friday's OOP
Stadium (from 12.00hrs)
1. Hantuchova vs. Dementieva
2. S.Williams vs. Stosur (NB 14.00hrs)
3. Jankovic vs. Bartoli
4. Sharapova vs. V.Williams (NB 19.00hrs)
5. Black/Huber vs. Chan/Niculescu

"Is She Your Favorite Player?"

Work has been a bitch all week but I was finally able to make it to Stanford for Thursday's evening session, which featured JJ vs. Boom Boom and Nads/B-Matt vs. Klebs/Rodionova.  I was able to secure a front row baseline ticket and we were in business.

The JJ/Boom Boom match was full of starts and stops by both players.  In the first set Boom Boom was, well, booming her serve and her forehand.  JJ was playing tentatively, as she's prone to do when she gets nervous or doesn't know what to do, and Sabine was just teeing off on the ball. 

The second set saw Sabine just lose her way.  Spraying balls all over the place and missing first serves.  She seems really conscious of her service toss.  She practices the toss motion quite a bit between serves and while it doesn't wonk off like Ana, you can tell when she's going to hit the slice as opposed to a flat serve.  Clearly the service issues got into her head because she stopped moving her feet on her groundies and she was just off balance all set. 

The last set went back and forth but all of a sudden JJ found her serve and began holding pretty easily.  It was over after that, as Sabine's serving woes pretty much gave JJ the match.  Serving to stay in the match, Boom Boom tossed in two doubles to pretty much give JJ the match.  One serve bounced before it hit the net. 

So good on JJ for scraping through.  The match was a typical JJ show.  Some interaction with the crowd, lots of Serbian screams to the heavens, sniping at the ballkids, but in the end she found a way to win.  Papa JJ and Ricky were in the crowd.  No sign of Kung Fu Tennis dude.

Next up, Indigo Girls vs. Kleybs & Co.  Nads and Bethanie were nails in the first set, and then Nads starting stinking up the joint in the second.  The tiebreak was tight until the IGs opened it up with a stick forehand volley from Nads and then a ripped forehand return up the line by Bethanie.  It got tight again after that but you had the feeling Nads and Bethanie would pull it out, which they did.

Apparently I was cheering for Nads pretty hard during the match, to the point that the woman sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Is she your favorite player?"

All in all, a fun time.  I'm going to get tickets to tomorrow's night session to see Masha vs. Venus.  That'll mark Maria's first big match against a true top player since her return.  Can't wait.

I So Confusing

Wait, which one's the Asian one? Duh. The blue one obviously.

Oh, and apparently ANTA didn't get the memo that the LAST thing I, as an athlete, want to be taking a "dare" on? My shoes.

Don't Quit Your Day Job. Or, In Ana's Case, Do.

Oh, funny JJ. I miss you so.


Seriously? SERIOUSLY, USTA???


I could stare at his pasty white bicep all.day.long. SexyUgly rules.

Air Quotes: Mmmm, This Medicine Is Tasty. Is It Your Own?

"But, you know, from what I have seen, you know, she can play if you let her play. But she cannot hurt you with anything. She doesn't have any weapons, you know, from what I've seen...  She's a consistent and quite solid player. She doesn't make so many mistakes. But she doesn't do anything either, so it's like she's depending kind of on you."

-- Jelena Jankovic, describing hersel-- I mean, Melanie Oudin's game.  Consistent and solid with no weapons?  Yeah, she sounds like a crap player to me too, JJ.

"I Can't Help It If I Have A Wide Set Vagina And A Heavy Flow."

So...this was a new one.

I mean, really, who other than JJ would go into a presser hell bent on talking about her lady times?  Who?  Just say you're sick, weren't feeling well, have a virus, whatever.  But leave the "riding the crimson wave" excuses for school.

And she couldn't even just leave it at that.  The Queen of Drama brought it:

Q. Can you tell us just how difficult conditions were for you.

JELENA JANKOVIC: Conditions were quite tough. It was very warm out there. But that was not, you know, my problem. After the first set, I felt really dizzy, and I thought that I was just gonna end up in the hospital. I started to shake. I was losing my ‑ how you say ‑ consciousness.

I didn't know. I was really gonna lose it, you know, to fall down and just, you know, probably go ‑‑ call the ambulance and leave the court. But I came back. Like I started to feel a little bit better.

...

Q. Have you been struggling for a few days, or is it just today?

JELENA JANKOVIC: No, I felt okay, and then all of a sudden I won that first set. I felt, you know, I was like a ghost, you know, white in the face. Really, I didn't know where I was.

The physio came out and she asked me, Do you know like what is your name? I just saw blurry. I didn't know. It was really strange feeling. I was scared and I started to cry in this kind of situation.

But what can I do? These kind of things happen. Didn't have, you know, enough energy to hit the shots, to go after the shots, to do the right things. But I did the best that I could. And what can I do?

And of course, the money question:

Q. Is that the first time your monthly cycle has affected you so dramatically like that?

JELENA JANKOVIC: No, I never had problem like that in the past. It was my first time experience, so...

It's just so weird.  Always something with her. 

 
Hopefully JJ's menses don't overshadow young Melanie Oudin's guts and courage.  She really should have taken the first set but just kept missing by *thismuch* on set points.  But I loved her shot selection and she had the balls to go for her shots while JJ was just dumping the ball back.  Then in the second set she just kept plugging away, refusing to allow a let down after losing the first set.

That's two really huge wins for Melanie this year in some high profile, big stakes matches.  Well done, kid.  And it may not end on Monday.  She'll play Agi, who definitely isn't going to blast her off the court.  But either way, great run for her from qualifying through to the second week. 

Pic This: Holy Shit. It Really Is See Through.

Black Belt Tennis Makes You Way Zen

I hope that's not from the middle of a point.

Nice performance by JJ today.  Sounds like like she was in complete control in her 2 and 4 win over Iveta.  The match only took an hour and 2 minutes to complete.  Good job, Smiley.

Oh, and can someone thwack Jeelbair upside the head every time he says "Double J"? THAT'S NOT SHORTER, ASSHOLE.

Why Can't All Match Summaries Be Like This.

Nice stuff from Tignor summarizing JJ, Ernie, and Alexa's matches.  Actual on the ground tennis reporting.  Love it.

Pic This: Around The Horn On Day 2

Day 2 pretty much followed the script from Day 1.  The top seeds played like top seeds, a few moments of heartburn, a few minor upsets.  But all in all, no major shakeups.

The Getty caption to this pic is "Jeremy Chardy serves to Andy Roddick during their first round match...", which...uh, no.  Still a rad pic though.

Momo will vanquish all that stand in her way.  Or...well...at least the one who stood in her way today.  Who knows what'll happen in two days.

Aw...how adorable.  She went ditched the black tape and went with the traditional off-white tape out of respect for Wimbly.  Or something.

And I'm pretty sure that if Martina saw this pic she'd cream herself.  Go Volley!Ana!

Commodus out of the shadows.

I shit you not.  Those are the lyrics to "One Moment In Time" by Whitney Houston. 

That hand belongs to Georgie Stoop, who also admitted to listening to Spin Doctors before taking the court.  Either Georgie Stoop is 40 years old or the early 90's just hit Britain.

Uh...ok.

JJ was complaining about her feet again today.  So go ANTA!

Seriously, Adidas has to be feeling pretty good about themselves.  That or they totally bribed all the photogs to not take pics of their athletes slipping on the grass.

To this day my parents still make fun of me because when I was a kid (and really, up until I was like 14) I always took pictures crouched down on one knee.  I have no idea where that habit came from.  But I'm fairly certain I have a childhood pic that looks exactly like this one.  Minus the racquet and ball.  But I think I was definitely in a skirt.  All class, baby.

Nice.  Why don't they just write "FAIL" up there and leave it up.

That's One Way To Go

Why is JJ covered in wet toilet paper?  Did she get TP'd by Agi before the match? 

Sneaky Poles.


It didn't stop her or her new Kung Fu style though. 

Or the droopy bloomies she's got going on under there. 

She took her match in straight sets.

With JJ, You Kinda Actually Maybe Really Believe It.

According to ESPN, JJ's new coach is Chip Hooper.  He is the big dude in this video.  And he is amaaaaaaaazing.

The Woman Glitters No More

 Man, when did JJ become all Debbie Downer?

The world No. 6 said: “I am missing a bit of the motivation I had before. When you have been No. 1 in the world it is not so easy.

“It is a constant battle against yourself. You need to be disciplined so that when you want to eat chocolate you say no to yourself.

“You have to force yourself to go out and practise for four or five hours a day. For that you need to be strong.

“There is lots of playing and travelling and that is not easy. Every player has their ups and downs but when you are not doing well those are the times you need to work hard and come out of it stronger.

“I need a break and maybe not playing for a little bit will get me to the point where I want to play tennis again and want to run after those balls because that is missing at the moment.

“I will play Wimbledon and then after that we will see what I will do.”

This is not the mind of a woman who thinks she has a chance in hell to do well at Wimbledon.  Sigh.

It's been deathly silent out of the JJ camp.  No announcement of a new coach despite widespread speculation prior to RG that if JJ didn't win it then "Real Tennis" was out.  She's been seen sans Ricky around Eastbourne but generally that's all we know.  Well that and she lost fairly listlessy to a slumping Chakky.

Say it with me: Sigh.  It's just better when you're in the mix, JJ.

But What Is That Annoying Sound In The Background?

Wow, you get really close to the action at the Eastbourne practice courts. I want to go to there. Here's Momo and Nads practicing.

Nads and Bethanie

AI practicing with Cahill.

Sveta and CSN.

Cones, Snot Rocket, and the Rads.

Rad, Stosur, and I can only assume Stubbsy there in the background.

JJ with, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, *not* Ricardo Sanchez.

Sniper! Sniper!!!

The seeds went atumbling today.  #2, 3, and 4 are out of Eastbourne. 

I'm not entirely sure how a struggling Chakky beats a well-rested JJ on grass in the first round.  But it happened.  And it was a head scratcher.  JJ blamed the change in surface and lack of motivation:

"It took me a while to get the rhythm out there.  And then for some reason from staying so low and getting those low balls my legs got so tight and so tired, and especially in the third set I didn't have the energy in my legs anymore to bend down."

"It was obviously my first match on grass. I'll play Wimbledon and then we'll see. At least I can take a few weeks off then. I wish I could take a break now. I need to get to where I want to play tennis again."

Yikes.

Another head scratcher?  Not that Kuz lost to CanWoz, but that she got bageled in the first set and only took three games off of her.  But we'll cut The Kuz some slack here.  She's not a robot:

"I played for two months on clay and I have it almost in my blood.  I don't have to think about the tactics. I know how to defend, how to attack and what time; how to serve and this and that. And on this surface, everything is opposite. For me, it's too much to change in three days."

The less shocking upset of the day was Momo over Bepa in three.  Nice to see that while Bepa has added much needed strapping to her ankles, she has not gone away from her Casper routine.  I'm just shocked her towel wasn't blue.  Then she'd be *completely* invisible, just like she likes it.

Also losing today? Domi, Sorana, and AKO.  You know who didn't lose?  Dina, who bageled and 3'd ALG.  And no I'm not surprised that it's been over 2 hours since that match ended and there is no story in my newsfeed abou this.

As for the boys, both the top two seeds are out of Eastbourne S'Hitogenbosch.  Fer, lover of grass, lost to Benjamin Becker and Tommy Boredo (I can call him that now that we're off clay) lost to MAR-COS BagDAHtis *clapclapclapclapclap*.

Over in Eastbourne, Igor (top seeded Igor?) followed his ladyfriend out of the tournament,  losing to Fancy Dancy.  Nice day for the Canucks.

Eastbourne Results

Women
Singles – First Round

Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. (2/WC) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 60 63
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. (3) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) 67(5) 63 62
Amélie Mauresmo (FRA) d. (4) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 63 16 63
(6) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 63 62
(8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. (Q) Urszula Radwanska (POL) 61 61
Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 63 61
(Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 67(6) 75 64
(Q) Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) d. (Q) Jarmila Groth (SVK) 76(7) 61

Doubles – First Round
(4) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. Chuang/Mirza (TPE/IND) 75 64
Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Senoglu/Yan (TUR/CHN) 61 64
King/Zheng (USA/CHN) d. Kleybanova/Makarova (RUS/RUS) 76(7) 63

Men
Singles - Second Round
[4] F Santoro (FRA) d R Ginepri (USA) 46 64 61
[8] G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d Y Lu (TPE) 64 67(0) 76(3)
I Ljubicic (CRO) d [WC] J Goodall (GBR) 63 75
J Tipsarevic (SRB) d [Q] B Klein (AUS) 76(5) 61

Singles - First Round
[Q] F Dancevic (CAN) d [1] I Andreev (RUS) 76(6) 62
J Benneteau (FRA) d [5] M Youzhny (RUS) 46 64 64

Doubles - First Round
M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL) d [1] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) 61 76(3)
L Arnold Ker (ARG) / M Kohlmann (GER) d A Seppi (ITA) / L Zovko (CRO) 64 36 10-6
[WC] C Fleming (GBR) / K Skupski (GBR) d M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) 64 46 10-8
J Coetzee (RSA) / J Kerr (AUS) d J Benneteau (FRA) / F Santoro (FRA) 62 61
[3] B Soares (BRA) / K Ullyett (ZIM) vs [WC] J Erlich (ISR) / J Murray (GBR) 46 76(6) - to finish Wednesday

S'Hitogenbosch Results

Women:
Singles - Second Round
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Ksenia Pervak (RUS) 61 61
(WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (4) Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 64 63
Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) d. (7) Iveta Benesova (CZE) 63 61
Kristina Barrois (GER) d. (WC) Michaella Krajicek (NED) 64 63

Singles - First Round

(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) 60 63
Nathalie Dechy (FRA) d. (2) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 63 36 63
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Stéphanie Foretz (FRA) 64 67(1) 63

Doubles - First Round
Lefèvre/Védy (FRA/FRA) d. (WC) Flipkens/Kerkhove (BEL/NED) 62 64

Men:
Singles - Second Round
[Q] B Becker (GER) d [1] F Verdasco (ESP) 75 76(4)
D Sela (ISR) d [5] I Kunitsyn (RUS) 64 63
I Navarro (ESP) d [6] M Gicquel (FRA) 64 36 75
M Llodra (FRA)d [Q] K Vliegen (BEL) vs 62 63

Singles - First Round
M Baghdatis (CYP) d [2] T Robredo (ESP) 75 62
[Q] T de Bakker (NED) d B Phau (GER) 76(3) 26 63

Doubles - First Round
[1] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL) d [WC] T de Bakker (NED) / J Huta Galung (NED) 64 76(5)
[WC] R Sluiter (NED) / P Wessels (NED) d [2] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) 76(3) 67(4) 10-4
[3] C Kas (GER) / P Petzschner (GER) d O Hernandez (ESP) / F Verdasco (ESP) 67(2) 63 10-8
J Brunstrom (SWE) / J Rojer (AHO) d D Vemic (SRB) / M Zverev (GER) 76(8) 62
O Marach (AUT) / D Skoch (CZE) d P Andujar (ESP) / D Ferrer (ESP) 62 63
A Clement (FRA) / M Gicquel (FRA) d R Wassen (NED) / I Zelenay (SVK) 64 62

Pic This: Oh, JJ.

BTW -- The silence out of the JJ camp has been deafening, no?

Pic This: Fucking Clay

Uh...

He looks retarded.  I laughed.  Not proud of it.

Just do it, Wilson.

Jo just really likes biting balls.

I'm sure Agi doesn't mean it, but she just has the best unintentional Bitch Face on tour.

Coming soon to a billboard over Beijing.  Or, you know, not.

I just want to tackle and lick him.  Or lick his...wait, what were we talking about?

Not exactly Crazy-Eyez Fed.  But we're getting there.

"Oh my goooooodness."

Comment t'appelles-tu?

What happened, JJ?  Did Sorana look just enough like Ana to throw you off a bit?  Abdominal tear got you down?  Bored with Paris?

It's not like it's that surprising, I guess.  JJ's not exactly been having the season of her life.  It was inevitable that when she ran into someone who was playing really well, she was going to start having trouble.  Sorana was playing well, and JJ ran into trouble.  By the end of the match, Sorana was just relentlessly hammering away at JJ's forehand, and JJ was putting it back into play and praying Sorana was going to make a mistake.  Not so much there, JJ.

Good on Sorana, though, for making her first Slam QF.  I always kind of wonder if that woman from IW is tuning in and getting really confused.

(And what's the over/under on Ricardo Sanchez still having a job at the end of the week?)

So... I Won't Be Playing "4" In the Lottery Anytime Soon.

Both of them.  Out.  Just like that.  Freaky.  Lena D's been riding a wave of mediocrity ever since she lost the Gaz de France final to Amelie; Novak seemed to have been picking up his pace of late.  Never mind, the end result was the same:

Even the matches were kind of eerily similar.  Sam and PEHK: both relentlessy consistent.  Novak and Elena: both... not.  Elena's serve was, for the most part, predictably horrible.  Novak was mostly spraying shots all over the place.  The elimination of their respecive #4 seeds has kind of opposite effects on the men's and women's draws, though: Novak's quarter is now in complete disarray, while if JJ doesn't make it out of Elena's, she should seriously consider focusing on her design career.  Such as it is.

Nothing but love for PEHK and Sam, though.  Sam's been karmically due a nice run somewhere and, well, who can hate on PhilippKohslchreiber.de*?  Only someone with a far harder heart than I have (mathematically impossible).

*Seriously, if you haven't been, go.  It's awesome.

1-1

That's Serena's new record against Klara Zakopalova for the '09 clay court season.  So... there's that.  I can't really say anything about anyone's level of play since I didn't watch very much of it, but I can say that Serena's knee wrap looked oddly high tech.  Although I could be making that up in my head.

I don't think she's even wearing jewelry from her own line. What kind of marketing strategy is that, Serena?  

There were other matches this morning, of course, mostly wrapped around a two hour rain delay...

Jelena's new not-entirely-horrible, but not-entirely-awesome Anta dress made its debut today. That's also a pretty good summary of how she played against Petra Cetkovska-- it's kind of like her game is currently on a factory reset: the big problem is gone, but none of the old programming has been reinstalled yet. Competent, and certainly enough to get her through the first two or three rounds, but not entirely solid yet. Meanwhile, look who's wearing pink!

Man. If, in some alternate universe, it ended up being a Dinara/Sveta final, Sveta would immediately have the upper hand because Dinara would be so. Jealous. Sveta played a really solid match against Claire Feuerstein, a French journeywoman who turned out to be much better than anyone thought she'd be-- possibly including Feuerstein herself.

'Round the ATP side, Nicolas Lapentti did his part to get Philippe Chartrier back on schedule by retiring down 4-6, 1-3 to Nole.  

  

Lapentti rolled his ankle-- which was already heavily taped-- towards the end of the first set, and obviously never got comfortable again. Nole looked calm and collected, had some silly misses, but mostly looked in perfectly good shape for the beginning of the tournament. 

Other results thus far: Monfils, Kohlscreiber, JMDP, Gicquel, Seppi and Disco Tommy all through easily in straight sets. Juan Monaco just knocked out Marcos-- Marcos, we hardly knew ye.  Caro, unsurprisingly, took the third set against Vera D fairly easily (6-1). The Gypsy prolonged Dani's misery by beating her in straight sets, Ruano Pascal did the same to Nikki V. Aleks Wozniak went through in 3, U-Rad went out in 3. Lena D through in straights, but went down a couple of breaks in the first. Sania's out and Dokic is through (only her second win since the AO?!). Quality guy Ivan Ljubicic is in a deciding set with Ferrero and Jo Willy and Apricot Bars are locked down in battle on Chartrier, but ESPN2 has decided I'd rather watch Blah. They are incorrect. Thank god for livestreaming. One note: conditions today have been terrible-- hours of rain delays this morning, terrible wind ever since. It looks like hell out there.

Pic This: Claymates

Pics from around Roland Garros. 

Given the gross grip on that Prince racquet, I think we all know who that is.


What's up with the blue and yellow, Adidas?  Are those going to be the summer colors? 
Also?  Shorts and Ana just do not get along. 


Who the hell is Flashman?



Game faces.


All of a sudden I'm craving beef jerky.  Mmmm....


And chicken wings.  Shit, I really need to get out of bed and eat lunch.


Please tell me she's wearing go go boots too.


Is it just me or is A-Rod wearing a shirt that almost kinda fits him?


Hey Muzz!  Get to the semis and then lose to Rafa 60 60 60 in 48 minutes, k? 
That's the gameplan.  Break!


Dude!  Stop it!


Roger's planning a Surfin' Safari, apparently.
 

Does that tape on her shoulder *really* do anything? 
All it seems to do is scream "HEY LOOK!!! I HAVE A BAD SHOULDER!!!"


Ah.  The backwards cap of dorkitude makes a triumphant appearance.


Gilles x 2.  I know this is super random, but I have always found G Mulls to be kinda cute.


The BunBand is back, folks.  Dina means business. 
And she's practicing more "Ecstasy on Clay" moves.


You're hot.  We know.  Stop it.  Or don't.  I don't know.


Only Jo's smile could distract me from the dead raccoon on his head.


Run, cameraman.  Run.  It's like fuckin' Cloverfield.

I Can't Help But Wonder, Did Everything Think She Was A Call Girl?

JJ took the time out of her busy RG prep to attend the über-chic amfAR benefit at the Cannes Film Festival.  Lots of fancy celebs and Hollywood types were there, including this guy.

Too bad Sneki wasn't there.  She would have thrown some mad cash down to get her daughter a smooch.


Really pretty dress when it moves.  But what is up with JJ and blah neutral tones lately? 


And the hair looked all dry and teased. 
Unless JJ and Mladjan pulled a Angie and Billy Bob in the car,
I don't know what's going on there. 

Oh...and the makeup. 


But it looked like she had a blast, jumping and jiving with the
retardedly awesome Michelle Yeoh. 
So good for her.

JJ Officially Smurfs Up

Apparently this is JJ's FO dress.  Can someone say "upgrade"?

You go, Chinese Smurf!

Pic This: Let The Real Tennis Begin

Players have already set up shop in Paris and are starting to hit the practice courts. 

I'm hoping that's just a bad angle.  Otherwise, JJ's been making some secret trips to Laduree. 
Not that I blame her.  Those macarons are crack.

What's up with all the capris, ladies?  Is it really that cold?  Or are we hiding all the knee tape?

Pic This: Poetry In Motion. And Muzz.

Gorgeous pictures coming out of Madrid today.  Looks like the "real" photogs have finally landed.

Damn you Marat for losing early.

The WTA: Expect The Unexpected

Solid results all around for the ladies today, though not without drama.  Dina bageled Lucie in the first only to have to come from a break down in the third to get through.  Agnes held her nerve against a gimpy Vika to come back and eventually convert one of the many match points she had in the third (she was up 5-0).  Joining Agnes as a surprise quarterfinalist is A-Bond, who served up a bagel, weathered the Chakky storm in the second, and closed it out in the third, 63. 

Meanwhile, JJ and Boots are quietly making their way through the draw with straight set wins.  The win boosts Boots into the top 10 for the first time.

Singles - Third Round
(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Lucie Safarova (CZE) 60 46 63
(4) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. (Q) Elena Vesnina (RUS) 62 62
Agnes Szavay (HUN) d. (7) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) 46 62 62
(9) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 62 62
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 60 26 63

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(1) Black/Huber (ZIM/USA) d. (5) Llagostera Vives/Martinez Sanchez (ESP/ESP) 64 64
(3) Peschke/Raymond (CZE/USA) d. Hsieh/Husarova (TPE/SVK) 63 60
(4) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. (7) Hantuchova/Sugiyama (SVK/JPN) 75 64
Chuang/Mirza (TPE/IND) d. Azarenka/Vesnina (BLR/RUS) 20 ret. (Azarenka: left knee injury)

Pic This: It's Not Glitter, But I'll Take It.

Thanks to Victoria for sending along.

Pic This: Rome If You Want To

It's just so damn poetic.  You can't make this shit up.

  
So.  Close.


What the what was going on Vika's quarterfinal match? 
All I have are pictures of her with her ass on the clay. Not that I'm complaining.

 
Does anyone really know where JJ's game currently ranks relative to the other ladies? 
I'm finding it really hard to handicap her chances at RG. 

Also?  With as much hairspray as you use on that ponytail,
I really don't think you should be noshing on it, honey.


LOLZ.

Get a sponsor, Agi.


Come on, ladies.  Get it together for RG.  Stop being retarded in third sets.


The Cone won!  And then she lost.


Not sure I'll ever get sick of Dina's "Ecstasy on Clay" modern art piece.

 
So.  Close.

"Damn it, Iveta, where are your panties?!?"

AP Photo Caption: Iveta Benesova, from the Czech Republic, puts on shorts after the referee asked her to change, saying the ones she was wearing were too small, before her Estoril Tennis Open first round match with Neuza Silva, from Portugal, Monday, May 4 2009, in Oeiras, outside Lisbon.

Hmmm...what does this remind me of?

Oh, WTA. Don't ever change.

At The End Of The Day It's Still About Serena vs. JJ

"We all know who the real number one is. Quite frankly, I'm the best in the world."

-- Serena Williams, on...well, she's #1 apparently.

 
"You know, the ranking didn’t fall from the sky. She earned that ranking. She really deserves to be there, because she was playing well and had great results. The rankings don’t lie.

She played the same as the other girls played and competed, and she is now in the moment No. 1. Nobody can take that away from here. It will always say in her biography that she — even for a day you become No. 1 in the world, you can say, I was the No. 1 player in the world. Not many people can say that.
So I think it’s a great achievement and a dream come true for any player. She achieve that, so big congratulations to her. With a Grand Slam or without, it’s huge."

-- Jelena Jankovic, on Dinara Safina deserving #1 rank.

JJ Being Interviewed By Natalie.

So...awesome.

And it's even better because JJ's waxing poetic on the now fired Etch.

Get Your Tomatoes Ready...

1...2...3...THROW!!!

What the fuck-ever.

It Would Have Been Better With Glitter

JJ dispatched Domi PDQ, double 'sticking her in an hour and nine minutes. 

I have to say though.  I'm *really* bummed JJ went back to the flat blue Anta dress and didn't stick with her awesomely Smurf blue Serbia dress.  It would have been fun to have a little trio of Serbian Smurfs.  Plus, that dress was just way fuckin' BETTER.

The Thought Of JJ In A Porsche Just Scares Me

JJ's thoughts from the All-Access Hour in Stuttgart:

…being the world No. 1:
“Becoming the world’s best player was a dream come true. I got the monkey off my back and it was a great feeling knowing that I’d done it. Whilst the players behind you want to come back at you, I felt under more pressure when I was trying to get to the top. Once you’re there you can always say you were the world’s best player no matter what happens later in your career.”  [Psst.  JJ.  The monkey is still there.]

…the white Porsche Boxster S:
“It would be hard to squeeze the car in my garage as there’s the red Porsche I won last year plus blue and black ones. On the other hand winning the white one wouldn’t be a bad idea. I’d have a different coloured car for every day of the week! Winning the Porsche last year was something special. I had worked really hard and there I was sitting in it. It was an unbelievable feeling.” [One Porsche, Two Porsche, Three Porsche, Four Porche.  Dr. Seuss would be proud (and totes a JJ fan)]

Sigh. Sorry, Pete, But Are You Even Trying Anymore?

 
From his most recent post on Fed Cup:

This weekend, Serbia had to fight its way back into the World Group, despite having Jelena Jankovic and Ana Ivanovic on the squad. Also this weekend, talent-laden but unpredictable France re-inserted itself into the Word Group in yet another match decided by the fifth rubber (the doubles) .

*head scratching*

Uh, doesn't that assume that Serbia WAS EVER IN the World Group?  Doesn't it also seem to assume that France had already been relegated to World Group II?

Maybe I'm just uber-defensive lately but doesn't that seem like a cap on Team Serbia?  Like, "They suck so bad that they lost their World Group status and had to fight back into the elite group EVEN THOUGH they have SUPPOSEDLY elite level players (WHO SUCK) in JJ and Ana."

Dude, if you want to cap on the Serbs be my guest.  But at least do it when they've done something wrong as opposed to, oh I don't know, CARRY THEIR COUNTRY FROM ZONAL GROUP TO WORLD GROUP I for the past 2 years?  This was a great accomplishment for them (not to mention individually for Ana and JJ to beat Spain in Spain on clay when both are supposedly struggling and Ana hadn't played on clay for a year) and I can't help but get annoyed when I see someone trying to take swipes.

So yeah.  Come on! [/GOB]

This Week, On WTA's Next Top Model...

Pics from last year's photoshoot at the YECs in Doha.

Despite the fact that those shoes don't fit, you go, Dina!


Uh...mouth closed, Serena. 


I'm not entirely sure what the idea for this pic was (Cocktail hour in a locker room?) but Bepa rocked it.


Don't love the weave or the pose.  But Venus is all class.


JJ: You have one of the raddest bodies on tour.  Why the potato sack?  Just say no.


Sveta!


Toga, Toga, Toga!  Elephant feet notwithstanding, well done.


Something's just wrong with this pic.  It's all very forced.

Fed Cup Foto Fun

Sigh.  I'm really sad that I was too drunk and hungover to enjoy this round of Fed Cup in any meaningful way.  I guess I'll just have to piece it all together CSI style:

  
I love how JJ gets away with this shit.  Classic.


"Pop the corks, boys.  Mama's thirsty!"


Sigh.  Oh, Chakky.


"It's the one that says 'BADASS MUTHAFUCKA', motherfucker!"

 
"Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry."


Heeeeeeeeere's Kimmy!

(Also, I'm pretty sure there's a gyno joke I could make but seriously,
I'm not firing on all cylinders quite yet.)

 
Rad!


"Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!"


It takes a pretty dress and a million dollar smile, too.


Huh?  What's Bepa doing here?


All that's missing is a can of Fosters.


Liezel rocks her O face.


Heh.  Heh heh.  The world is changing, indeed.
 

Acne, cold sores, and manhands.  I don't think you're ready for this jelly, World Group.

NKOTB

Congrats to Serbia, Germany, and Ukraine.  They all won their World Group Play-off ties and gained promotion into World Group I in 2010.

Team Serbia beat Spain to gain promotion and force Spain out of World Group I for the first time in their Fed Cup history.  JJ and Ana did their parts, taking the first three singles rubbers, with JJ securing the tie today with a hard fought three set win over AMG.  JJ had to battle a cold over the weekend so good for her.  I'm still really shocked that CSN didn't play.  Odd.

 
As for Ana, she made the adjustments yesterday after dropping the first set 6-2, to cruise to a 26 62 61 victory. 

So far so good for the Serbian girls.  JJ's grinding out wins on clay and at least Ana got a match under belt and realized quickly that she can't be hard court aggro on clay.

Here's video of the celebration.  I love that Ana was sitting with Sneki.

Give it up for Team Bondarenko.  They blasted a Dulko-less Argentina 5-0 to gain promotion.  To think how close Argentina was to making it past the U.S. and into the World Group I semis.  Now they've been relegated to Group II.

And Alles Gut in Deutschland.  They came into Sunday with a 2-0 lead, but China stormed back today to take both reverse singles rubbers, taking the tie to a decisive doubles match.  There, Sabine and ALG came back after dropping the first set to Zheng/Peng to take the match 46 75 62.

Nice to see some new blood in World Group.

If It Gets To This, Serbia's Screwed. But We Win!

I know I shouldn't root for Serbia to drop two singles rubbers, but dammit I want to see the catastrophe that would be JJ and Ana in dubs.


Uh...what?

The draw was held this morning.  JJ's up first on Saturday:

Saturday
Maria Jose Martinez (ESP) v Jelena Jankovic (SRB)
Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) v Ana Ivanovic (SRB)

Sunday
Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) v Jelena Jankovic (SRB)
Maria Jose Martinez (ESP) v Ana Ivanovic (SRB)
Lourdes Dominguez-Lino/Nuria Llagostera Vives (ESP) v Ana Ivanovic/Jelena Jankovic (SRB)

Draw day interviews with JJ and Ana. 

BREATHE, ANA.

I Eat Your Racquet. I EAT IT UP.

If someone were to tell you, "Look, I gave Ana and JJ huge chocolate racquets and told them to strike a pose," isn't this how you'd think it would turn out?


I'm starting to think that AK-47 is trying to get Ana to adopt her. 
Attached at the hips (or...hip and knee) those two.

Pic This: Team Serbia Hanging In Spain

They all look great.  And Ana's really taken to that kid, no?

Clay Achin'

 
Pete Bodo's write up on the WTA storylines going into the clay season. 

Apart from his need to remind everyone what a joke the WTA is compared to the ATP, it's hard to argue with his take on the players' prospects:

Madrid may be just the inducement Serena Williams needs to boost her interest clay, thereby protecting her chances to remain no. 1 and perhaps even open a little distance between herself  and an odd crew that features not one but two women who have yet to win a Grand Slam events - Dinara Safina and Jelena Jankovic.But can Serena still be a force on clay? That's an interesting question that was raised in Melbourne and Miami, where she often looked both more powerful - and less mobile - than in the past.

It's hard to see Serena gettting "better" on clay, but remember that she's won Roland Garros, and took the Charleston title last year before shipping out to Europe - where she lost a very tight quarterfinal to Safina in Berlin, withdrew from Rome with an injury, and lost in the third round in Paris to Katarina Srebotnik. Discount her at your peril.

No. 2 Safina began her personal makeover last year at Berlin, where she beat three of the women who have remained major hurdles to her Grand Slam ambitions - Serena, Elena Dementieva and Victoria Azarenka. Safina will have many ranking points to defend starting in Berlin, and there's no telling how she'll react to the pressure. Last year, she frequently spoke about the way she's re-invented herself, but the failure to break through in a big way - with a major title - suggests that the makeover wasn't quite finished. Will it ever be?

 

Elena Dementieva is coming off a good year, and capable of doing a lot of damage on clay. She was a Roland Garros finalist in 2004, and could easily make a similar run there again. But she may be the most unpredictable player on either tour. It's funny, though, I never really get the feeling that Dementieva is  choker (except, of course, when it comes to that serve - but that's a slightly different issue), or that she's an imposter at the top of the game. She doesn't really collapse. If anything, she seems to have a way of bringing out the best in her opponents - a talent I'm sure she'd rather not possess. I've always felt that she's sufficiently athletic and powerful to win a major. Maybe this will be her year.

Vera Zvonareva is in good shape to make a move, fueled by her recent victory at Indian Wells. She started like a house on fire on clay last year; she lost to Serena in the Charleston final and snatched the Prague title from Victoria Azarenka before she lost momentum. Zvonareva lost to Venus at Rome and Dementieva in Paris, but who's going to describe either of those as a bad loss?

Jankovic may be no. 4 now, but she won last week in Marbella and she's aware of how much ground she's lost in the last few, unhappy months. That's okay; if she's any kind of champion she's going to take to the clay with the attitude that she's purged the hee-bee jee-bees from her system - and remind herself that she's got fresh legs and still a solid foundation in fitness. For the women as much as the men, the clay offers a nice opportunity for getting back to the fundamentals, as in:  My Game 101. There's no reason on earth for Jankovic to feel pressure now - she's already blown the outstanding opportunity to demonstrate that she was a deserving year-end no.1 in 2008 with that awful patch of play in Melbourne to start 2009.  With nothing to lose, she could pick up some much-needed momentum for Paris in the coming weeks.

Ivanovic has fallen to no. 7 from a career-high last summer of no.1, and even her Serbian countrywoman and fellow former no. 1 hasn't slipped that dramatically. In this slump, we've seen the extent to which confidence matters; with it, in 2008, she was able to make the most of her fundamentally conservative, precise game. Without in, since the summer of last year, she's often looked like a throwback to a time when the top women players were less athletic and versatile.

My own feeling is that Ivanovic must find a way to, well, loosen up - in every sense of the word. She needs to re-discover the hard--hitting, free-swinging Ivanovic of a few years ago. It just seems to me that somewhere along the line Ivanovic came to believe that she needs to be Miss Perfect (at any number of levels), and maybe that stifled her game.

JJ Is Not A Lady GaGa Fan. Judge Her Accordingly.

Proof positive that IMG!JJ sucks. And I'm kinda growing to love AMG. The"What? It's just a fucking dance. What's your problem?" glare she shoots JJ is all kinds of awesome.

Pic This: "Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation, with a black haired Flamenco dancer...."

Well, I guess it's not *really* black hair, but close enough.


"REAL TENNIS IS BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"


JJ's Antas match her dress.  Coincidence or planning?  You make the call.

What An Experience.

Congrats, JJ.  Not a phenomenal performance through the tourney but a win is a win and you now have your first title of the year.  You also finally have a win streak going. 

I'm not entirely sold on her ability to turn the season around quite yet.  Much like Ana's run at IW, it was an impressive result that wasn't backed up by impressive play.  But that tenacity and refusal to lose will steal you a lot of matches on clay and she definitely wiggled out of her share of tough spots this week.

As for the much ballyhooed Andalucia Tennis Experience, as much shit as I gave them all week, I have to say it was a blogger's dream.  A fantastic website, fun promos, live streams, and awesomely random Spanish music.  Good job, Conchita.