Forty Deuce

Pic This: One More for the Road...

It wouldn't be the end of the WTA season without one more chance to laugh at people for being completely incapable of dressing themselves.  Some of them are getting distressingly (read: boringly) good at it, but you know there'll always be one WTFer in the group.  Or two, or three.

A lot of things about this frighten me.  Mainly that, with the faces upside down, it looks like she's wearing a minidress with a Marilyn Manson print.  Also, the eyes.  Freaky.

 

This looks kind of like a bridesmaid's dress I had to wear once, if you cut the skirt off about three and a half feet from the bottom.

[snicker]

Oh dear.  Someone needs to introduce Bepa to these.

I'm not gonna lie: something about the geranium over her ladybits weirds me out.

I need to know what Lena did that they decided she needed a mug shot.

I totally picture Dinara's closet having a "little black dress" section and a "big pink t-shirt" section and... that's it.

LOLZ.

Dig in, Caro.

But really, learn to cross your legs when you're sitting in a dress, honey.  Your wantonness is making Dina sad.  (Then again, what doesn't?)

Stubbsy!  Oy, Ula, we'll talk later.

And, for the creme de la creme, cherry on the sundae, there is the video.  I watched it like 18 times.  Don't make me start liking you, girls.  You know who you are.

Doin' It, JJ Style.

JJ makes the semis with a 2-1 record.  Those two wins?  A retirement by Dani and a virtual retirement against a severely gimpy Caro.  Was there really *any* other way?

She's the drama queen.  So...bring it, honey.

Air Quotes: See? Ana's So Nice Not Even The Pinata Will Rip On Her

“She has her own team. She tries her best. It’s hard. We are athletes. You can’t always be at the top of the game. Our years are long. It’s not like other sports, where you play for a few months then have a few months off. We always try to play our best tennis, but some years are better than others. That’s part of sport, part of life as well. We have a lot of ups and downs in both. It’s important to just be positive and always learn – to keep learning until you die.”

-- JJ's response to being asked about Ana's crap year.

"Giveitawaygiveitawaygiveitaway, now."

 

Vika and JJ kicked things off in the Maroon White group, with Vika putting in a really solid performance in a straight set win over JJ.  She steamrolled JJ in the first but JJ stepped it up in the second set.  Just Vika was impressive in her ability to stay steady and not let JJ take control of the set.

Afterwards, the Duchess of Delusion (let's face it, the Queen of Delusion is Serena) said this:

"I basically gave her everything. I beat myself. That was really unfortunately the case. My game was completely off.  I would hit one or two balls and then the third one would go everywhere except in the court. I was a shadow of myself."

To which Vika the Victor, said this:

"I'm glad she gave me the match and she was not in the mood. It worked out pretty well for me."

Winner.  Both on and off the court. 

And to quote James LaRosa, JJ is officially the WTA pinata.

Vika will play Caro next, assuming Caro plays at all.  There are rumblings that she's too hurt to suit up.  As for JJ, she will play the other "Shadow of Herself", Dina.

Where The Wild Things Are

So here we are.  I can't tell if I'm excited for Doha or excited for the season to be over.

That's a lie.  It's the latter.

But it does give us one last chance to get some giggles in as the ladies glam up and strut.

"We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, it'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end"

You know, or not.

"If you can see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along
why can't you seeeeeee, you belong with meeeeeee."

Pretty dress.  But I like my JJ flatironed, thank you very much.

Damn, girl.  I can't even snark on this.

"Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama."

 
"Can you hear me now?  Bet on the *other* girl."

Ok, first, you look great.  Really. 

Second, I will punch you in the face. 

Third, wear a push up bra if you want to get some heft in your chest, not a crooked bow. 

First look at the mirror today, ReRe? 

Looks like the girls did a number on you in your sleep during WTA Sleepover 09. 

Word of advice?  Never go to sleep before Sveta.  Never.

Moskau, Moskau!

The biggie for this week is Kremlin Cup; an ATP 250 for the men and a Premier for the women.  Since it's the week before Doha, most of the top women are giving Moscow a miss.  Never mind that, though, because the four women still in contention for the last spot/alternate status at YEC are all playing.  Davai!

ATP

Nads did the draw.  This is a picture of her immediately after she drew Safin/Davydenko for the first round.  Heh.

 

Yeah, well done, Nads.  So, I suppose we can expect Marat to exit stage right from his last Kremlin Cup relatively early.  Although he did beat Kolya there last year.  Anyway...

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Kolya, Victor Hanescu, Misha, Igor Andreev

Potential Quarterfinals: Kolya/Martin Vassallo Arguello, Igor/Janko, Misha/Fabrice, Hanescu/Pablo Cuevas

Potential Interesting Early Matches: Kolya/Marat (1R)

Interesting Story Lines: Will Igor Andreev repeat as "Mr. Fair Play"?  Will Marat actually give a shit? 

WTA

 

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Vera, JJ, Aga, Flavs

Potential Quarterfinals: Vera/Nads, JJ/Lena V, Aga/Franny, Flavs/Dominika

Potential Interesting Early Matches: CanWoz/Errani (1R), Flavs/Agnes (1R), JJ/Shvedova (1R), Vera/Pavs (2R), Aga/Winner of CanWoz v. Errani (2R), Franny/Sorana (2R), Flavs/Dushevina (2R), JJ/Lucie (2R)

Interesting Story Line: 4 players. 3 YEC spots.  Bring.  It.  On.

Cheeky British Humor

Ahem. 

So this pic pretty much sums up my impression of the Wimbledon Museum. 

It was unintentionally hilarious.

 

Another gem, which, when you pull back, reveals a third bunny:

 

Random?  Yes.  Awesome?  Absolutely.

 

The Champions display is right when you get to the bottom of the stairs.  I saw this.  I laughed quite hard.  I may have said, "They have the fuckin' Sergeant Pepper jacket???" a little too loud.  I really shouldn't drink before noon.

Fed shoes.

 

Dick shoes.

Muzz's shorts.  Unfortunately I left my glass cutter at the flat. 

Not gonna lie.  Wanted to smell them.

DG kept pointing out ugly pictures of Muzz in the Wimbly Store and asking, "Really, dude?  This guy?"

Yes, dude.  That guy.  To quote Brodie, "I would."

Nice that they gave Lena D some love.  This was her semifinal outfit. 

In a rather impossible feat, it looks even cheaper in person.

 

Billy Jean King and Rod Laver's racquets.  Seemed like something I should geek out at. 

Ashamed to admit I did not. 

There was actually quite a bit of historical stuff about the evolution of lawn tennis.  Here's my problem though: I actually kind of hate grass court tennis.  So it was difficult to actually care.  Also, the whole grass thing seems elitist and Victorian.  As you all know, I am a woman of the people.  It was hard not to roll my eyes at some of the displays.

Enjoyed seeing the white balls though.  Mainly because I like white balls.

Movingrightalong...

 

I was very confused by this.

 

Donkeygrooming found this one.  Shirtless Marat?  Wimbly knows what's up.

 

And in the most random pairing of players on the wall....

All in all it was a fun to see the museum but I wouldn't pay separately to see the stuff that was there.  If you book a tour then the museum admission is included.  One thing that surprised me: How little was made of the GMOAT.  I hope that's because they're trying to figure out how to best commemorate the match.  It would have been really cool to see the grass/dirt stained shirt Rafa wore when he fell to the ground.  Or even some video with commentary.  

Then again, maybe that's not Wimbledon's style.  It's clear from the tour and the museum that they want to focus on the full narrative of Wimbledon and not just singular moments. 

Doha 2009: Race to the Bottom

Dinara, Serena, Caro, Sveta, Venus, Elena and Vika are already in.  That means there's one spot left for the Year End Championships in Doha...

... and, with two weeks left, five players within striking distance.

 

(There are zero decent pictures of Marion out there.  Kinda funny.)

Jelena, Vera, Aga, Flavia and Marion.  Five players, 450 points, one spot.  And they're all playing at least once in the next two weeks.  And, obviously, not only is the one spot at #8 open, but both the alternate spots are up for grabs, too.  Given that for the last two years, alternates have both played and won matches at YEC (including Aga and Marion), you can bet no one's taking those spots or potential points for granted either.

Jelena and Vera are numbers 8 and 9 in the Race right now, respectively, and are separated by a mere five points.  They are both playing Moscow, and, of course, are respectively the defending champion (JJ) and and finalist (Bepa).  It seems natural to assume that, between those two, whoever goes farthest in Moscow will end up with the final spot for Doha.  That really takes the whole thing right down to the wire, since the Moscow final is a mere two days before start of play in Doha.  Game.  On.

However.

Aga, who vaulted herself back into YEC contention with her finals showing at Beijing this week, is currently #10 in the race (225 points behind JJ at #8, 200 points ahead of Flavia at #11) and is slated to play both Linz and Moscow.  A good showing at both could put her right up there, especially if one or both of JJ/Vera crashes out early at Kremlin Cup.  Plus, she should be super-motivated: she's on a hot streak, she's defending points from Doha last year, and a win at Linz would also qualify her for the Baby YEC in Bali.

Flavia, currently #11 in the Race, is 425 points out of 8th, which seems like a lot until you consider that she, like Aga, is playing both Linz and Moscow.  Since Flavia's already qualified for the Baby YEC, but can't go because of her Fed Cup commitments, it might be that she shows up at both tournaments extra hungry to make it into Doha, either fully qualified or as an alternate.  

Marion is #12 in the race, 450 points out of #8 and 225 points out of #10.  She's playing Osaka this week and, as the #2 seed, has a decent shot at the title, particularly if Caroline Wozniacki's health is still iffy.  On the one hand, since she's so far out of #8 and (unlike the two players directly in front of her) is only playing once, her odds for making the cut seem bad.  On the other hand, if I had to pick the steadiest competitor out of all five of these women... it might just be Marion.

So, there you have it.  On paper, it looks amazing.  As for the reality... well, God knows the WTA has had a hard time living up to billing this year, but I still kind of can't wait.

"Every week we'd be playing against each other."

In case you haven't read it, nice stuff from Cronin on the JJ/Masha history.  It was written before the Tokyo final.

I'm Pretty Sure The Jet's Still Warm.

  

Congrats to Shuai Peng, who held her nerve to outlast the One-Armed Whiner in three sets.  I really didn't think Peng had it in her but JJ clearly wasn't getting the stick on her shots.  I don't doubt the arm is bothering her.  I also don't doubt she could have served two fucking points 3 days ago with that arm.  But whatever, I'm moving on.

JJ's still got one more tournament to go.  She'll play Moscow in a couple of weeks and she's on the bubble for Doha.  After the match she said that she would play Doha but not Bali.  I'm sure the WTA loved that.

As for the boys, A-Rod was the big upset of the day, losing in straight sets to Lukasz Kubot.  For all the talk about the amazing year Andy's had, he's really going to need to win a legit' tournament to have something to show for it.  He's won only one title this year, Memphis, and he's still in the race for one of the last three YEC spots.  First round losses sure aren't going help.

Well he's got a week to prepare for Shanghai, where he can pick up a lot of points with a good run. 

Pic This: Please Tell Me They Were On The Same Flight

Winning looks good on you.

 

So I guess that answers the question.  The Fly is in China.

Weak sauce, JJ.

Of Course. Of Course It Ended This Way.

 

First there was this...

Then there was this...

Then Masha rolled her eyes...

And then they posed for a reenactment of a Bollttieri Yearbook picture that was surely taken in 1999.

JJ retired at 2-5 in the first set due to an arm injury, giving Maria her first title of the year:

Sharapova was up 5-2 at Ariake Colosseum when the seventh-seeded Serb took a timeout to have her right arm examined by the trainer. Jankovic returned to the court and lost the first two points of the eighth game before retiring.

"It's disappointing," said Sharapova, who had arthroscopic surgery to repair a rotator cuff in her right shoulder nearly a year ago. "It's toward the end of the year and there are a lot of injuries so I wish Jelena a speedy recovery."

Here's the thing...don't you just at least tough it out to let Maria win the first set, then retire?  Oh, and when JJ retired she initially made no effort to shake Maria's hand.  Which...was so JJ.  Hell, even Serena made her way across the net when she got DQ'd to shake Kim's hand.  It's moments like this that remind me why I just can't get both butt cheeks on the JJ bandwagon.

Here's the video:

You can just see Masha thinking "seriously?"

Bollettieri Showdown

 

So it'll be JJ vs. Masha in the Tokyo final, which given the calamity of the early part of the week, ain't a bad final at all.  JJ had a challenging road, having to beat Mono and Nails, two players who for whatever reason, totally own her.  So good for JJ who look on her way to recapturing her form.  That said...yeesh...last night's match against Nails wasn't pretty.

As for Masha, it's been a bit of a banner week for her as she's reintroduced her old service motion and pounded her way to her second straight WTA final.  Things got a little bit wobbly last night against Aga, but once she bore down in the third it was over pretty quick.

Maria leads this childhood showdown 4-1, with her last win being the 3 and 1 demolishing on her way to the AO 08 title.  I give the edge to JJ right now, but you never know with the mind games between these two.

Stop The Bleeding. Heh.

Leave it to the WTA Bitches to stem the tide.  At least for a bit.  Maria destroyed Sammy No-Stones, 60 61, and has apparently gone back to her full service motion.  I guess with the end of the season looming she can afford the risk. 

Meanwhile JJ, in full mensal gear, withstood a solid challenge from Boom Boom to win in three sets.  The red underwear is really what makes this joke work.

As for the other "top" seeds, Vika dusted Jay-Z 1 and 1, and A-Rad made sure that Dani won't be missing Ai's raging retirement party.

The hair.  It hides the tears.

But let's be clear, the clusterfuck continued in Tokyo today, as K-Bond took out Lena, Caro retired against CanWoz, and Kleybs beat Bepa.

Singles - Second Round
(Q) Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) d. (3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) 62 67(3) 61
Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. (4) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) 50 ret. (viral illness)
Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. (6) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 36 64 62
(7) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Sabine Lisicki (GER) 63 46 62
(8) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Zheng Jie (CHN) 61 61
(11) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 63 36 63
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (12) Samantha Stosur (AUS) 60 61
Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) d. (13) Nadia Petrova (RUS) 62 62
(14) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Aravane Rezai (FRA) 64 62
(15) Li Na (CHN) d. Vera Dushevina (RUS) 75 60
Elena Vesnina (RUS) d. Roberta Vinci (ITA) 61 76(6)
Iveta Benesova (CZE) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 63 36 64
Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 63 46 64

Condolences

From JJ's blog:

Hello Everyone,

I started the US Open really well and was pretty excited about my chances, but the day before my second round match I got very bad news, that my grandmother passed away. I was very sad. I didn’t even feel like going on the court. Mentally and physically, I wasn’t there. I was a shadow of myself.

My mother came to New York to watch me play and my father was already here, so I had everyone here supporting me, and it was great. But my mom left the day before my match to be with my grandmother. Today was the funeral. My whole family was there. I’m at the airport now, and I’m going back to Serbia.

She was my only grandmother… I was very close to her and loved her a lot. She always told me she liked my red tennis dress, that it was the color of happiness and luck. I wanted her to be happy and I wanted to do well at the US Open, so I wore it. I was hoping it would bring luck to both of us. But unfortunately it didn’t help this time. She dedicated her whole life to family, to all of us. She was an unbelievable person, beautiful on the inside and out. She was always supporting me and watching me play. Hopefully she was proud of me.

I was calling every day to see how she was doing.. I was praying every day she would be okay. This is especially hard on my mom… she was her mom. My mom is recovering from surgery herself and it’s not easy for her.

I’m going to take some days off from tennis to just be there with my family. We’re all very sad but we’re trying to stay as positive as possible. I’m not thinking about tennis at the moment. I have some time before I play my next tournament so I want to heal from this and go from there. When something like this happens, tennis seems like just a game. There are more important things.

I want to thank all of you for your support right now. I am thankful for you all and I will be back soon.

JJ

If JJ's relationship with her grandmother was anything like my relationship with my grandmother, then we all owe Grandma JJ a huge debt.  She probably played a huge role in shaping and creating the Glitter Queen that we all know and love.  Much love and condolences to her family. 

Air Quotes: Bwah.

Q. After Melanie beat Jelena Jankovic in Wimbledon, Jelena Jankovic said she doesn't have many weapons and she wasn't too impressed.

MARIA SHARAPOVA: Shocking. Shocking that she said that. 

UPDATE: Cramping

You should have shed that bad menstrual mojo, JJ.  A blood red dress?  She looked like a tampon.

 

Which actually might be appropriate because she was looking not-so-fresh in her three set loss to Shvedova.  What is in the water in NYC and more importantly, since when did Ashe become the graveyard court?  Back-to-back upsets that sent the USO Series Champion and the USO Series #3 finisher out of the tournament.

UPDATE: Doug Robson reports from his Twitter account that JJ's maternal grandmother passed away last night.  And now I feel like a dick.

Bonus

Just a reminder.  Sam and Elena are the US Open series champs.  On the men's side, Muzz and DelPo finished second and third, respectively, and for the ladies Flavs and JJ finished second and third.  All six are now in the running for bonus money depending on how well they do in NYC.

Let's see if they can cash in.

"I Wanna Rock With You, All Night..."

Aww...Tax does her best Michael Jackson impression.

 

Ooga Chakka Ooga Chakka Ooga Chakka...

 

Focus on your tennis and stop practicing making out with your girlfriend, Tomas.

 

You know what, dude?  You deserve to lose if you're going to wear those sunglasses.

Even Falcons Need A Muse

An easy walk in the park for Nole today, as he took out Lubey in easy straight sets as Jelena looked on.  Either Lubey needs to retire or something physical was up with him today.  He played horribly and looked like he was just happy to collect his $19k check for showing up.  Really embarrassing performance.

 

Over on Armstrong, JJ looked like her 2008 self, dominating Vinci in a 2 and 3 win.  No pictures of Mladjan, but you know he had that same dumb look on his face.

Pic This: "Young, Dumb, and Full of..."

As if we needed more insight into their sex life.

They're way cute though.  Good on ya, JJ.

(Pics from Tennis Forum)

Hit Me Up

The players have been hitting the practice court at the BJK center. 

Which of course means practice pics.  

Preferably shirtless ones.  Let's be real.

I wanna lick it.  

I am A-OK with Lanky McLankerson keeping his XXL Fila shirt on though.

No one needs to see a concave chest.

Did LaMonf get a new tattoo?  Or have I just missed that one?

Dude, I am begging you.  Sandwich.  Stat.

Wonder how many racquets were broken in this practice session.

And where there are shirtless boys, you know there will be a JJ nearby.

No official word on how long that shirt stayed on.

"No More Yankee My Wankee!"

 

Wait, what?

This was the one match today that I was actually felt safe predicting.  How the hell did Kleybs pull this off?  Well, one thing that I learned watching her pick Ana apart in Melbourne is that she is (a) surprisingly mobile and (b) surprisingly fit.  

 

 She outlasted JJ in a 3+ hour brawl wherein JJ fought and scrapped to get the first set after being down 5-1 in the tiebreak.  Apparently there were idiot linesmen who were getting calls wrong left and right, but all credit to Kleybs for sticking with JJ and busting the win, 6-7, 7-6, 6-2.  Kleybs is one of those players, just like Lucie, who has the weapons to blast you off the court.  Sounds like that's what happened here.  

This is a tough loss for JJ, who looked to be gaining a head of steam into the USO.  It's losses like these that make other players believe that you're always beatable.  Bummer.  I really was looking forward to a Masha/JJ semi and a JJ/Serena final.

"Shady's back, tell a friend..."

 

Well the evening in Toronto kicked up with an insane thunderstorm/tornado that pretty much foreshadow the things to come.  Luckily everyone was ok (well, not everyone -- there was one fatality) and they had enough Shamewows (TM Sodapop) to clean up the court and resume play.

 

Bepa was all out of sorts during her match with Pova.  Clearly her right ankle was bothering her again.  She couldn't push off on her serve (serving 4 DFs in a game to give away the break, for example) and she couldn't mover particularly well.  Which of course meant she spent much of the match on the verge of tears.  Masha's level would drop in the second and Bepa somehow found herself up a break.  But she dropped the tiebreak and that's all she wrote. I agree with Carrie's assessment: She looks like someone who came back too early from injury.  It's pretty tough to watch.

 

Meanwhile, JJ's found her confidence, her fighting spirit, and more importantly, her game.  At least that's all I assume because there were zero streams for her highly anticipated (at least by about 30 of us) match against Kim.  Kim blitzed her in the first set 61, dropped the second, and then the fun seemed to begin.  JJ was able to claw back from 3-5 down to take the final set 75.  Even though I was rooting for Kim (yeah, I'm starting to believe) this is a great win for JJ.  I'm really hoping for a JJ/Serena final with JJ taking the title.  

Leave it to the Glitter Queen to complete fuck up everyone's analysis for the USO.

All Headcase Hour

 

The top ladies looked lovely (well, most of them) for their SEWTA Tour All Access Hour appearances.  I haven't heard any reports of anyone leaving in tears so it sounds like a success.


Girl, you might want to get those nails checked out. I think you might be going into kidney failure.


The face of peace.  Well, not in her head, but you know, in the world.  Generally.


"How many times I have to say?  I didn't make the rankings."


"Will you please excuse me?  I have to go change.  Be right back."


This pic looks straight out of the 80's. 


Good Lord, JJ.  For all the money you've spent on "deviated septums" and whatnot, shell out a few bucks for those eye bags, woman.


I love Venus.  Always the face of calm.  And after being subjected to Serena on Twitter for two months now, I can see why Venus had to develop her Zen skills ASAP.


"I didn't make it.  I just go and I play and the ranking is what it is.  Why you all not listening?  Vera!  Vera!  Talk to them.  I go to room now to play with coconut."

The Battle of Faux #1s

She's baaaaack...


Maybe.

Terrific performance from JJ today, who secured her biggest win and title of the year, demolishing Dina, 64 62 in Cincy.  She dictated play from the first point and really took it to Dina, who seemed completely confused as to what the hell was going on. 

 
You and me both, Dina.  You and me both.

With the win, JJ ties Flavia for the lead in the USO Series.  Here's hoping she can back it up next week in Toronto.  As for Dina, word on the street is that she was in good spirits in her presser and after the match.  Take a nap, hop on a plane, have a bit of chocolate, and go get 'em in Toronto, Coconut.

Congrats, JJ. Now Lose, Please.

Yeah, no shit, Lemon. 

This match sucked and I'm pissed I even have to say anything about it.

Ok, actually, once the rallies got going the quality of the tennis, for the most part, wasn't horrible.  Some impressive shotmaking from Elena and some pretty awesome counterpunching from JJ. 

But Pinky and the Brain went stupid and this whole thing was a joke.  After dropping the first set in a tiebreak, Elena would go on to bagel JJ in the second set.  Then JJ broke early in the third before six straight breaks of serve got us to a tiebreak.  Oh, and let's not mention the fact that JJ had triple match point on her serve before he let Elena break back.  And then the tiebreak, where Elena would have four, FOUR consecutive match points.

JJ won.  So you can figure out the rest.

"Whatever I Said, Whatever I Did, I Didn't Mean It, I Just Want You Back For Good."

Well that's not true.  I meant it and I just want you back for today.

Huge win for JJ, taking out Vika in straight sets, 75 76(4).  She raced out to a 3-0 lead on Vika in the first before Vika clawed her way back in.  The second set saw the opposite, as JJ had to fight her way back in to break late and force the tiebreak, no doubt aided by Vika's 11 double faults.

Maybe Vika was distracted by the fug that is that ANTA dress.  Couldn't blame her, really.

Pic This: Yeesh.

Is the dress actually sawing her in half?  At least then it'd be functional.

"He's Such a Copycat."

A few of you have written inquiring as to when the next installment of the Forty Deuce podcast would be up.  Here's the deal: It is SUPER awkward to do a podcast by yourself.  And with my partner in crime (heh), Love All, off at an undisclosed location for much of this year, I've had to shelve the podcasts.  Unfortunately my dog has very little to say about tennis.

But you can't say that I don't listen so here's the next installment, wherein I've roped in Forty Deuce regulars Sodapop, Carrie, and Victoria, to talk about everything from my general apathy towards Ana's losses, illegal immigration, and Stan's second fiddle, to how badly the WTA marketing department has failed, our love for tennis umpires, and the intimate details contained in Sodapop's diary.  You'll have to excuse any technical issues.  I'm still trying to master it all.  But I'll get it all worked out and I can promise your tech savvy and topically focused p-casts in the future.

I'm warning you, it's a long one and very WTA heavy.  Perfect for sitting in traffic while you're on your way to wherever you don't want to be.

Download Here.

Air Quotes: Tired Already?

"In the third set I was physically drained and didn't have enough energy to finish the match."

-- JJ, after her quarterfinal loss to Mono. 

It has been well-documented that I can't stand the heat.  I complain when SF gets above 70 degrees.  That said, I was sitting comfortably in the stands during JJ's match in jeans, a long sleeve white t-shirt, and a black cotton vest.  Honey, if you're drained by a match against Mono, wherein the rallies lasted for an average of seven shots, in the arid 85 degree Palo Alto weather, you're in for a world of hurt during the US hardcourt season.

Pwnd

Hrmph.  That wasn't supposed to happen.

Granted I missed the third set because I had to make a Sprinkles run.  But at least for the first two sets, JJ was playing the way she needed to play: aggressively.  She was going for her shots and leaning into her groundies, really forcing Mono to play defense.  Had two match points points and couldn't convert and then she played a shit tiebreak in the second.  But I figured she'd be fine in the third.  Tells you what I know.

Lynn and Eva taking in the match and getting some sun.  Eva kept hamming it up with those fans. 

The people sitting around me kept looking at weird, wondering why I was taking pics of something other than the court.  Whatever.  This coming from people who, in response to me shouting "C'mon, JJ" whispered, "JJ?  Why is she calling her JJ?"

Air Quotes: Keep Them Claws Out

“I don’t know what to say. It looks like she’s playing every single week, more than anyone else. If she can play two tournaments in a week, she will do this.”

-- Lena D, on JJ's complaints that the Roadmap doesn't let her play everywhere she wants.

I've Got Some Lotto Numbers, If You're Interested.

Remember this?  Yeah, the "C" Stands for "Cleo", bitches.  It's so on.  From TennisReporters.net:

[A] coy Bartoli said that she preferred to face crushed Jankovic rather than the German because ‘ I always beat her.’ Bartoli is 4-3 against Jankovic and has won their last three matches. JJ was a bit stunned to hear the comments.

“She talks like she’s just Serena Williams,” Jankovic said. “Everybody had a right to say what she wants. I’m not really focused on Bartoli. She’s not like my biggest rival or someone I look up to or I’m scared of. She’s just one of the players on tour, not a big name, or someone who is making the big results or headlines in the game."

When she left the press conference to go for a doping test (something she wasn’t pleased about given that she might have to stay on site past midnight), Jankovic added with a smile, “Bartoli is going to get it tomorrow.”

It's enough to make me actually ditch work to watch a Mono match.  Hmmm...that's an idea...

Thursday's Results:
Singles - Second Round
(1) Serena Williams (USA) d. Melinda Czink (HUN) 63 76(7)
(2) Venus Williams (USA) d. (Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 61 75
(4) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Sabine Lisicki (GER) 26 62 64
(8) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. (Q) Melanie Oudin (USA) 75 64

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(3) Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Kleybanova/Rodionova (RUS/RUS) 64 46 1210
(4) Cirstea/Kirilenko (ROU/RUS) d. Coin/Pelletier (FRA/CAN) 63 63

Friday's OOP
Stadium (from 12.00hrs)
1. Hantuchova vs. Dementieva
2. S.Williams vs. Stosur (NB 14.00hrs)
3. Jankovic vs. Bartoli
4. Sharapova vs. V.Williams (NB 19.00hrs)
5. Black/Huber vs. Chan/Niculescu

"Is She Your Favorite Player?"

Work has been a bitch all week but I was finally able to make it to Stanford for Thursday's evening session, which featured JJ vs. Boom Boom and Nads/B-Matt vs. Klebs/Rodionova.  I was able to secure a front row baseline ticket and we were in business.

The JJ/Boom Boom match was full of starts and stops by both players.  In the first set Boom Boom was, well, booming her serve and her forehand.  JJ was playing tentatively, as she's prone to do when she gets nervous or doesn't know what to do, and Sabine was just teeing off on the ball. 

The second set saw Sabine just lose her way.  Spraying balls all over the place and missing first serves.  She seems really conscious of her service toss.  She practices the toss motion quite a bit between serves and while it doesn't wonk off like Ana, you can tell when she's going to hit the slice as opposed to a flat serve.  Clearly the service issues got into her head because she stopped moving her feet on her groundies and she was just off balance all set. 

The last set went back and forth but all of a sudden JJ found her serve and began holding pretty easily.  It was over after that, as Sabine's serving woes pretty much gave JJ the match.  Serving to stay in the match, Boom Boom tossed in two doubles to pretty much give JJ the match.  One serve bounced before it hit the net. 

So good on JJ for scraping through.  The match was a typical JJ show.  Some interaction with the crowd, lots of Serbian screams to the heavens, sniping at the ballkids, but in the end she found a way to win.  Papa JJ and Ricky were in the crowd.  No sign of Kung Fu Tennis dude.

Next up, Indigo Girls vs. Kleybs & Co.  Nads and Bethanie were nails in the first set, and then Nads starting stinking up the joint in the second.  The tiebreak was tight until the IGs opened it up with a stick forehand volley from Nads and then a ripped forehand return up the line by Bethanie.  It got tight again after that but you had the feeling Nads and Bethanie would pull it out, which they did.

Apparently I was cheering for Nads pretty hard during the match, to the point that the woman sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Is she your favorite player?"

All in all, a fun time.  I'm going to get tickets to tomorrow's night session to see Masha vs. Venus.  That'll mark Maria's first big match against a true top player since her return.  Can't wait.

I So Confusing

Wait, which one's the Asian one? Duh. The blue one obviously.

Oh, and apparently ANTA didn't get the memo that the LAST thing I, as an athlete, want to be taking a "dare" on? My shoes.

Don't Quit Your Day Job. Or, In Ana's Case, Do.

Oh, funny JJ. I miss you so.


Seriously? SERIOUSLY, USTA???


I could stare at his pasty white bicep all.day.long. SexyUgly rules.

Air Quotes: Mmmm, This Medicine Is Tasty. Is It Your Own?

"But, you know, from what I have seen, you know, she can play if you let her play. But she cannot hurt you with anything. She doesn't have any weapons, you know, from what I've seen...  She's a consistent and quite solid player. She doesn't make so many mistakes. But she doesn't do anything either, so it's like she's depending kind of on you."

-- Jelena Jankovic, describing hersel-- I mean, Melanie Oudin's game.  Consistent and solid with no weapons?  Yeah, she sounds like a crap player to me too, JJ.

"I Can't Help It If I Have A Wide Set Vagina And A Heavy Flow."

So...this was a new one.

I mean, really, who other than JJ would go into a presser hell bent on talking about her lady times?  Who?  Just say you're sick, weren't feeling well, have a virus, whatever.  But leave the "riding the crimson wave" excuses for school.

And she couldn't even just leave it at that.  The Queen of Drama brought it:

Q. Can you tell us just how difficult conditions were for you.

JELENA JANKOVIC: Conditions were quite tough. It was very warm out there. But that was not, you know, my problem. After the first set, I felt really dizzy, and I thought that I was just gonna end up in the hospital. I started to shake. I was losing my ‑ how you say ‑ consciousness.

I didn't know. I was really gonna lose it, you know, to fall down and just, you know, probably go ‑‑ call the ambulance and leave the court. But I came back. Like I started to feel a little bit better.

...

Q. Have you been struggling for a few days, or is it just today?

JELENA JANKOVIC: No, I felt okay, and then all of a sudden I won that first set. I felt, you know, I was like a ghost, you know, white in the face. Really, I didn't know where I was.

The physio came out and she asked me, Do you know like what is your name? I just saw blurry. I didn't know. It was really strange feeling. I was scared and I started to cry in this kind of situation.

But what can I do? These kind of things happen. Didn't have, you know, enough energy to hit the shots, to go after the shots, to do the right things. But I did the best that I could. And what can I do?

And of course, the money question:

Q. Is that the first time your monthly cycle has affected you so dramatically like that?

JELENA JANKOVIC: No, I never had problem like that in the past. It was my first time experience, so...

It's just so weird.  Always something with her. 

 
Hopefully JJ's menses don't overshadow young Melanie Oudin's guts and courage.  She really should have taken the first set but just kept missing by *thismuch* on set points.  But I loved her shot selection and she had the balls to go for her shots while JJ was just dumping the ball back.  Then in the second set she just kept plugging away, refusing to allow a let down after losing the first set.

That's two really huge wins for Melanie this year in some high profile, big stakes matches.  Well done, kid.  And it may not end on Monday.  She'll play Agi, who definitely isn't going to blast her off the court.  But either way, great run for her from qualifying through to the second week. 

Pic This: Holy Shit. It Really Is See Through.

Black Belt Tennis Makes You Way Zen

I hope that's not from the middle of a point.

Nice performance by JJ today.  Sounds like like she was in complete control in her 2 and 4 win over Iveta.  The match only took an hour and 2 minutes to complete.  Good job, Smiley.

Oh, and can someone thwack Jeelbair upside the head every time he says "Double J"? THAT'S NOT SHORTER, ASSHOLE.

Why Can't All Match Summaries Be Like This.

Nice stuff from Tignor summarizing JJ, Ernie, and Alexa's matches.  Actual on the ground tennis reporting.  Love it.

Pic This: Around The Horn On Day 2

Day 2 pretty much followed the script from Day 1.  The top seeds played like top seeds, a few moments of heartburn, a few minor upsets.  But all in all, no major shakeups.

The Getty caption to this pic is "Jeremy Chardy serves to Andy Roddick during their first round match...", which...uh, no.  Still a rad pic though.

Momo will vanquish all that stand in her way.  Or...well...at least the one who stood in her way today.  Who knows what'll happen in two days.

Aw...how adorable.  She went ditched the black tape and went with the traditional off-white tape out of respect for Wimbly.  Or something.

And I'm pretty sure that if Martina saw this pic she'd cream herself.  Go Volley!Ana!

Commodus out of the shadows.

I shit you not.  Those are the lyrics to "One Moment In Time" by Whitney Houston. 

That hand belongs to Georgie Stoop, who also admitted to listening to Spin Doctors before taking the court.  Either Georgie Stoop is 40 years old or the early 90's just hit Britain.

Uh...ok.

JJ was complaining about her feet again today.  So go ANTA!

Seriously, Adidas has to be feeling pretty good about themselves.  That or they totally bribed all the photogs to not take pics of their athletes slipping on the grass.

To this day my parents still make fun of me because when I was a kid (and really, up until I was like 14) I always took pictures crouched down on one knee.  I have no idea where that habit came from.  But I'm fairly certain I have a childhood pic that looks exactly like this one.  Minus the racquet and ball.  But I think I was definitely in a skirt.  All class, baby.

Nice.  Why don't they just write "FAIL" up there and leave it up.

That's One Way To Go

Why is JJ covered in wet toilet paper?  Did she get TP'd by Agi before the match? 

Sneaky Poles.


It didn't stop her or her new Kung Fu style though. 

Or the droopy bloomies she's got going on under there. 

She took her match in straight sets.

With JJ, You Kinda Actually Maybe Really Believe It.

According to ESPN, JJ's new coach is Chip Hooper.  He is the big dude in this video.  And he is amaaaaaaaazing.

The Woman Glitters No More

 Man, when did JJ become all Debbie Downer?

The world No. 6 said: “I am missing a bit of the motivation I had before. When you have been No. 1 in the world it is not so easy.

“It is a constant battle against yourself. You need to be disciplined so that when you want to eat chocolate you say no to yourself.

“You have to force yourself to go out and practise for four or five hours a day. For that you need to be strong.

“There is lots of playing and travelling and that is not easy. Every player has their ups and downs but when you are not doing well those are the times you need to work hard and come out of it stronger.

“I need a break and maybe not playing for a little bit will get me to the point where I want to play tennis again and want to run after those balls because that is missing at the moment.

“I will play Wimbledon and then after that we will see what I will do.”

This is not the mind of a woman who thinks she has a chance in hell to do well at Wimbledon.  Sigh.

It's been deathly silent out of the JJ camp.  No announcement of a new coach despite widespread speculation prior to RG that if JJ didn't win it then "Real Tennis" was out.  She's been seen sans Ricky around Eastbourne but generally that's all we know.  Well that and she lost fairly listlessy to a slumping Chakky.

Say it with me: Sigh.  It's just better when you're in the mix, JJ.

But What Is That Annoying Sound In The Background?

Wow, you get really close to the action at the Eastbourne practice courts. I want to go to there. Here's Momo and Nads practicing.

Nads and Bethanie

AI practicing with Cahill.

Sveta and CSN.

Cones, Snot Rocket, and the Rads.

Rad, Stosur, and I can only assume Stubbsy there in the background.

JJ with, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, *not* Ricardo Sanchez.

Sniper! Sniper!!!

The seeds went atumbling today.  #2, 3, and 4 are out of Eastbourne. 

I'm not entirely sure how a struggling Chakky beats a well-rested JJ on grass in the first round.  But it happened.  And it was a head scratcher.  JJ blamed the change in surface and lack of motivation:

"It took me a while to get the rhythm out there.  And then for some reason from staying so low and getting those low balls my legs got so tight and so tired, and especially in the third set I didn't have the energy in my legs anymore to bend down."

"It was obviously my first match on grass. I'll play Wimbledon and then we'll see. At least I can take a few weeks off then. I wish I could take a break now. I need to get to where I want to play tennis again."

Yikes.

Another head scratcher?  Not that Kuz lost to CanWoz, but that she got bageled in the first set and only took three games off of her.  But we'll cut The Kuz some slack here.  She's not a robot:

"I played for two months on clay and I have it almost in my blood.  I don't have to think about the tactics. I know how to defend, how to attack and what time; how to serve and this and that. And on this surface, everything is opposite. For me, it's too much to change in three days."

The less shocking upset of the day was Momo over Bepa in three.  Nice to see that while Bepa has added much needed strapping to her ankles, she has not gone away from her Casper routine.  I'm just shocked her towel wasn't blue.  Then she'd be *completely* invisible, just like she likes it.

Also losing today? Domi, Sorana, and AKO.  You know who didn't lose?  Dina, who bageled and 3'd ALG.  And no I'm not surprised that it's been over 2 hours since that match ended and there is no story in my newsfeed abou this.

As for the boys, both the top two seeds are out of Eastbourne S'Hitogenbosch.  Fer, lover of grass, lost to Benjamin Becker and Tommy Boredo (I can call him that now that we're off clay) lost to MAR-COS BagDAHtis *clapclapclapclapclap*.

Over in Eastbourne, Igor (top seeded Igor?) followed his ladyfriend out of the tournament,  losing to Fancy Dancy.  Nice day for the Canucks.

Eastbourne Results

Women
Singles – First Round

Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. (2/WC) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 60 63
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. (3) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) 67(5) 63 62
Amélie Mauresmo (FRA) d. (4) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 63 16 63
(6) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 63 62
(8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. (Q) Urszula Radwanska (POL) 61 61
Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 63 61
(Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 67(6) 75 64
(Q) Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) d. (Q) Jarmila Groth (SVK) 76(7) 61

Doubles – First Round
(4) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. Chuang/Mirza (TPE/IND) 75 64
Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Senoglu/Yan (TUR/CHN) 61 64
King/Zheng (USA/CHN) d. Kleybanova/Makarova (RUS/RUS) 76(7) 63

Men
Singles - Second Round
[4] F Santoro (FRA) d R Ginepri (USA) 46 64 61
[8] G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d Y Lu (TPE) 64 67(0) 76(3)
I Ljubicic (CRO) d [WC] J Goodall (GBR) 63 75
J Tipsarevic (SRB) d [Q] B Klein (AUS) 76(5) 61

Singles - First Round
[Q] F Dancevic (CAN) d [1] I Andreev (RUS) 76(6) 62
J Benneteau (FRA) d [5] M Youzhny (RUS) 46 64 64

Doubles - First Round
M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL) d [1] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) 61 76(3)
L Arnold Ker (ARG) / M Kohlmann (GER) d A Seppi (ITA) / L Zovko (CRO) 64 36 10-6
[WC] C Fleming (GBR) / K Skupski (GBR) d M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) 64 46 10-8
J Coetzee (RSA) / J Kerr (AUS) d J Benneteau (FRA) / F Santoro (FRA) 62 61
[3] B Soares (BRA) / K Ullyett (ZIM) vs [WC] J Erlich (ISR) / J Murray (GBR) 46 76(6) - to finish Wednesday

S'Hitogenbosch Results

Women:
Singles - Second Round
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Ksenia Pervak (RUS) 61 61
(WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (4) Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 64 63
Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) d. (7) Iveta Benesova (CZE) 63 61
Kristina Barrois (GER) d. (WC) Michaella Krajicek (NED) 64 63

Singles - First Round

(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) 60 63
Nathalie Dechy (FRA) d. (2) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 63 36 63
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Stéphanie Foretz (FRA) 64 67(1) 63

Doubles - First Round
Lefèvre/Védy (FRA/FRA) d. (WC) Flipkens/Kerkhove (BEL/NED) 62 64

Men:
Singles - Second Round
[Q] B Becker (GER) d [1] F Verdasco (ESP) 75 76(4)
D Sela (ISR) d [5] I Kunitsyn (RUS) 64 63
I Navarro (ESP) d [6] M Gicquel (FRA) 64 36 75
M Llodra (FRA)d [Q] K Vliegen (BEL) vs 62 63

Singles - First Round
M Baghdatis (CYP) d [2] T Robredo (ESP) 75 62
[Q] T de Bakker (NED) d B Phau (GER) 76(3) 26 63

Doubles - First Round
[1] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL) d [WC] T de Bakker (NED) / J Huta Galung (NED) 64 76(5)
[WC] R Sluiter (NED) / P Wessels (NED) d [2] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) 76(3) 67(4) 10-4
[3] C Kas (GER) / P Petzschner (GER) d O Hernandez (ESP) / F Verdasco (ESP) 67(2) 63 10-8
J Brunstrom (SWE) / J Rojer (AHO) d D Vemic (SRB) / M Zverev (GER) 76(8) 62
O Marach (AUT) / D Skoch (CZE) d P Andujar (ESP) / D Ferrer (ESP) 62 63
A Clement (FRA) / M Gicquel (FRA) d R Wassen (NED) / I Zelenay (SVK) 64 62

Pic This: Oh, JJ.

BTW -- The silence out of the JJ camp has been deafening, no?

Pic This: Fucking Clay

Uh...

He looks retarded.  I laughed.  Not proud of it.

Just do it, Wilson.

Jo just really likes biting balls.

I'm sure Agi doesn't mean it, but she just has the best unintentional Bitch Face on tour.

Coming soon to a billboard over Beijing.  Or, you know, not.

I just want to tackle and lick him.  Or lick his...wait, what were we talking about?

Not exactly Crazy-Eyez Fed.  But we're getting there.

"Oh my goooooodness."