Forty Deuce

Hugs, Not Thugs.

Aga was forced to retire down 0-5 to Caro due to a leg injury.  There were tears from both but Caro was pretty amazing in her genuine condolensces to her bestie and sometimes tanning partner. 

Nice to see.  She'll be up against her mindless ball-bashing buddy, Vika, in the semis, and has a pretty damn good chance of capturing that #1 ranking if she does well here and in Beijing.  Hold on to your hats.

The other semi will feature Lena vs. Fran.  Lena was on the verge of dropping the first set before Bepa failed to serve it out and pretty much went wonky for the rest of the match, throwing in UFE after UFE.  It was bummersauce. 

As for Fran, she had herself a 3+ hour battle with Kaia and needed two chances to serve out the third set after choking away the first chance pretty badly.  Nice to see her back up her late summer results though.  Somehow, the better Fran does, the easier RG is for me to take. 

(Pic: AP; Getty)

No, Really. We're Excited. We Promise.

Did someone photoshop out the dildos?  Because those are some seriously anemic fist pumps, if that's what they're trying to do. 

The Tokyo draw is out and everyone in that picture has a reason to be smiling other than Lumberjack Sam.  She's in a quarter along with Vika, Ana, Dinara, Aravane, Wicky, and Mono.  That's...rough.  So I will excuse her weird fist thing up there.  But the rest of you?  No excuses.

In other news, BEPA YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!  CAN YOU HEAR ME!  CAN YOU????

Come on, Caro.  Do us a solid and tell her. 

Someone's gotta get through that thick skull of hers.

Pic This: I'm Bored.

So I'm sitting here catching on a month's worth of Tivo and I started going through my files.  Sometimes, as you're surfing the interwebz, you just see funny or interesting photos and you save them, not having any idea if you're going to actually have a reason to use them in the future. 

So here's me unloading a few randoms on you.

Too cute.

Vania and Shveddy at the Wimbledon Champions Ball.

I...don't want to talk about it.

If there's one thing we know about Igor, it's that he likes pretty things.

Ah.  A classic.

Masha, about to eat her dinner.

Robbo and one of her two pooches.

Sorana looking...normal.

Swoooooooooooooon.

Leather brings out the best in everyone.

Yowza.

Never forget.

Pic This: Stand and Deliver.

It's hard to believe that the 2010 Slam season is officially over.  There was heartbreak and heartwarm (that's a word, right?) over the past nine months and I for one have enjoyed every minute of it.  Ok, maybe not that one night in January, but otherwise, it's been pretty great.  Ok, that one afternoon in May kinda sucked, too. 

Where was I? 

Oh, right.  I realized this afternoon that I never did a proper Pic This entry for the USO.  Shame on me. 

So here we go....

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold. Like Freezing Fucking Cold.

I'm sitting in the hotel lobby at 12:30am trying to defrost while typing this, so bear with me.  I swear I have brainfreeze and a stiff neck from sitting in the cold but it was all well worth it to see our darling Coconut gut out a three set win over her Montreal ouster, Franny, 16 63 61

Mama no likee.

It was looking rough in the first set, as Fran was playing well and Dinara just seemed a step slow.  Her serve is still going to make holding extremely difficult, but she was able to keep her head tonight in really difficult conditions.  The air was frigid and the wind was swirling through much of the match.  But she was able to turn things around in the second set as Franny came back to earth. 

Maybe it took her that first set to warm up and get her legs under her, maybe Franny's drop in form (her backhand in particular went first) gave her more confidence to step into her shots.  But by the time the third set rolled around, Dinara was hitting freer and smarter, hitting with more margin and topspin, and basically keeping the ball in the court. 

Fran didn't have any answers, and by the end of the match every part of her game had broken down.  She was missing her backhand by feet, double faulting away breaks, and muffing volleys that she had stuck in the first set.  So we won't get a Fran/Sam rematch in the semis.  I'm not gonna lie, I'm ok with that.  I still have PTSD.

Dinara gave a quick presser after the match and seemed really touched by the crowd support.  It showed.  She stayed on court for a good 15 minutes signing every last autograph from the faithful fans who endured the cold to see her win.  She even spent a few minutes trying to flag a guy down to give him her racquet.  Not sure what that was about.

She said this was one of the best matches of the year, but humorously acknowledged that she could count the number of matches that she's played this year on one hand.  I asked/told her that the crowd support she had received here and in Montreal must be great given what she's had to go through in the past year.  She paused, looked down, and rather sweetly (in a Dinara way, of course) said "you pointed it out exactly right."  She said that even with her drop in the rankings, to have that crowd support really helped and that it "pumped" her up. 

So keep cheering, guys.  She hears you.  She hears us all.  And she likes it.

Oh, and we have confirmation: Marat will be at the Open.

Franny's So Over Roland Garros.

Franny (or Frank, as Sam calls her) was up first at AAH and much of the presser was spent talking about Roland Garros, which she seems pretty sick of talking about.  After being asked how her life has changed since RG, she snarked "This is the first time somebody ask me this question."  You can definitely understand her "over it" attitude.  Then again, she better get used to it because it is likely to be the most defining moment in her career.

Here she talks about whether she appreciates the title more because she's older:

"Yes, I think so.  I think when you are 29 you can understand much more what is going on about you because I grow up, I lived some bad moment and then good moments is mixed.  When you are 20 everyone wants that you do something because you have to and everything has to be in that moment when you are young.  If not [wipes hands], now is the moment to say you are old.  But I think every person are different.  And when you arrive 29 you say 'Now I can taste everything I did from when I start until now.'  And from this moment I want to thanks what I did but at the same time I want to go forward and have new goals and enjoy other tennis and try to catch another one."

And a funny moment when asked why she thinks Sam got good all of a sudden:

"I think she work a lot.  She work with the new physio, new coach, she's stronger, she's much more concentrated, focused.  And of course when you see her you can say she has all the quality to win a Grand Slam or became one of the best.  And she did it.  [pause]  Almost. [laughter]"

Other Frankie tidbits:

• The Coupe Suzanne Lenglen is sitting in her doorway.  She sees it every time she comes or goes from the house.
• She gave the Fed Cup trophy to her parents.
• In response to a question about her preparation for Fed Cup: "Oooh, you are scared?"
• Says she's ok with her form leading up to the USO.  Not perfect but ok.

She was great, as expected.  I want to drink beer with her.  Mainly because I think she's the only person in New Haven who could actually protect me at a bar in New Haven.

She'll cut you.  With a smile on her face.

The Kids Are All Right.

What's the point of getting a media pass, getting all excited about interviewing players, crafting beautifully worded questions on interesting topics, only to show up and see these two pistol whips do you your job better than you could ever dream of.

Absolutely demoralizing.

RG Hangover

 

The #3 and #5 seeds are out of Cincy, as Lena got thwacked by Pavs and Franny, well, she was post-RG Franny, losing to Vezzie 4 and 4.  I can't really shed a tear for Franny.  I mean, she got the ultimate prize and you can't help but expect a huge letdown afterwards.  But man, it really must suck for Elena to lose to Pavs after giving Maria a run for her money in Stanford two weeks ago.  She was playing pretty well there.  This loss has to hurt.

But yay, Pavs!

She's Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiive!

 

You over your hangover yet?

Apparently there are other tournaments this week other than Stanford.  Who knew!  But Franny and PetKo are in Istanbul so I'll be keeping an eye out.

Got a tournament that requires players to dress up in unflattering traditional fashions? 

Petkorazzi's your girl.

(Pics from Yahoo, here and here.)

Air Quotes: Lucky Idiots, Feelings, and Jamaica.

Q. What were your feelings when the draw came out and it was Federer?

ALEJANDRO FALLA: Well, I knew I'm playing really well at this point of the year. And just sometimes bad luck. Everybody wants to play Federer. But three times in one month is a lot (smiling).

...
Q. Do you think it might have helped you to play him three times in a row?

ROGER FEDERER: It shouldn't have, no, especially after Halle. He should have known that I was going to beat him. But he forgot I beat him (smiling). 

...

Q. We'd all like to see you one day win Wimbledon. It would be brilliant.

LAURA ROBSON: I would, too. I'd like that (smiling).

Q. When do you think? You don't have a crystal ball, but...

LAURA ROBSON: It's hard to say. Ideally I would have liked to have won it this year, but that's obviously not going to happen (smiling).

Why don't you give me a year. Your guess would be just as good as mine.

...

Q. You had to wait over four hours to get on Court 1 today. What did you do in that time?

ANDY RODDICK: Play some Monopoly. Dominated some Scrabble. I watched some tennis. Watched some football. That was pretty much it.

Q. Which tennis match were you watching?

ANDY RODDICK: Challenger that was going on, a future back home in the States.

Q. You were watching Roger's match?

ANDY RODDICK: Yeah, I think everyone was watching that one.

...

Boomtown.

Surprising that they're out of Wimbledon?  Not really.  Surprised they're out *this* early?  Well...yeah, kinda.  Cilic hasn't been able to find the form that got him to the semis of Melbourne (yes, that's right, that happened, remember?).  It's really annoying.  I love the fluidity of his game but I'm beginning to realize that he doesn't have a big weapon that's commensurate to his size.  I'm sure they're working on that but it sure is hard to watch his form in the meantime.

As for Fran, she had quarterfinal points to defend here.  She obviously gets a free pass.  But I would have liked to see her get to the third round here.

Air Quotes: Welcome To The Spotlight.

Q. Is it easy to stay focused after all what happened since your win in Roland Garros?

FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: Nothing is easy. I mean, is first time. For sure I'm learning many things, new things. But in the same times, I can say that if I don't play tennis, I can't win. So I have to come back and play at the best.

Q. You say you learned something. What did you learn exactly?

FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: Exactly? There are many things to organize, many things to do. For example, this one is a new job for me to give you my interview, to stay in front of TV and explain who I am and what I do. So is a new step. And then on the court, for sure I keep going to work on my quality. Is good.

Q. Do you like the extra attention that it has brought you? Do you appreciate it?

FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: I like the people that come close to me and say, Oh, you give me a big emotion, of course. I play tennis for this. But when I have to come here, no (laughter). I like less.

Q. Do you find that your fellow professionals treat you or look at you in a slightly different way now that you're a Grand Slam winner?

FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: No. The people that know me, no, because was like this before and I am exactly the same. When I arrived to the airport in Italy, they said, Now you are important. What do you think about? And I say, No, I always been important. It's just that now I won something.

(presser link)

You're Such A Miranda!

The WTA player party.  What can you say?  Normally I tune in for the fashion, hair, and makeup disasters.  But I have to say, the Ladies did ok for themselves this year.  I mean, Aga's once again dressed as a Jersey hooker, but hey, the girl's got a look that she's sticking with.  Commitment is 90% of fashion.

Masha, impeccably dressed as an homage to the trophy her boy won tonight.  I don't think the photos do that dress justice.  A stunning piece if seen in person, methinks, especially when worn by a 6'1'' Masha.

Accessory win.

movingrightalong...

Kimiko is adorable despite the fact that she's being attached by the Grimace's shredded entrails.  And can we please stop thinking that ballet flats are appropriate "event" wear?

I mean, she looks great.  But she also looks 15 years older.  PEEP TOE, DINARA!

You kids are adorbz, even if it does look like the Eastern European version of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion.

Beautiful makeup and hair, and a great dress that needed about 15 minutes with a tailor.  The hem is killing me.

...

Awesome sex hair.

I love this dress minus the frills on the shoulders. 

Bepa!

Amber Alert!

Winner.  Perfect hair, the dress fits perfectly, heels are beautiful and understated.  She looks like she rolled out of bed like this.  Bomb.

You could fit the entire continent of Serbia between Charlotte and Samantha. 

As it should be.

Churnin' Butter

Oh I've missed you and your legendary Ho!Yay!

I'm a bit busy with some personal stuff this week (don't worry, it's nothing serious or anything) so I apologize for falling behind on the blogging.  To be honest, I normally don't feel bad about it (because I'm a dick) but seeing as how Wimbledon starts in less than a week, I feel particularly derelict in my responsibilities to you, the sometimes-loyal-but-would-totally-stab-me-in-the-back reader.

Thankfully there are other great tennis bloggers who aren't ignoring the tennis.  I don't really like churning links, but again, it's the week before Wimbledon and I feel like if I don't set the table for all the jokes I plan to drop in the next couple of weeks, well, the jokes will fail.  And nothing pisses me off more than someone making unfunny jokes especially when that someone is me.

So here's my churnalistic attempt to get you caught up with the goings on in Yellow Ball Land.  And by "Yellow Ball Land" I mean tennis, not Asian porn.  Get your head out of the gutter and into the game, pervies.

• Uncle Jamie throws his Wimbly thoughts out into the information superhighway.  You should read it because I always agree with him.  Except for the times when I don't.
• Stephanie Myles, thankfully, breaks down how the Wimbledon seeds are calculated for the ATP side.  Why did she feel compelled to Mathnet?  Because Fed has been seeded #1 and the Twitterverse had a cow.  And by Twitterverse I mean me because I was apparently the only one in the world who didn't know that the formula only applies to the ATP, not the WTA.  My thoughts in a nutshell: I don't really care that Fed's #1.  It had no effect on the draw.  It's more symbolic than anything else, you know, like THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.  But what does annoy me is that this formula isn't used for the ladies.  Think about it and you will come to the same conclusion that I did: Wimbledon hates Venus.
• C Note read at Down The Line that Franny is referring to herself in the third-person.  C Note thinks it's just...weird. 
• GoToTennis sat on a conference call with Brad and Mary and didn't bother asking whether there would be a "Big Babe Tennis 2: Electric Buggaloo" installment this year.  Also they both pick Rafa to win.  Where was Aunty Pimmy?!?
• I love Andy Murray.  Just thought I'd mention it.
• Vika and Sveta won back to back matches.  That seems like news.
• You don't want to know how this makes me feel, Roger.
• Best. Coach. EVAH.
• Sam just wants to make the fourth round at Wimbledon.  Now if people could please stop paying attention to her, I'd appreciate it.  Thanks.  Meanwhile, she's doing ok on grass so far, making the quarters of Eastbourne against Elena Baltacha.
• Boom Boom Sabine is out of Wimbledon.
• Great piece on Shazza in The Guardian.
• JJ's boxing.  If JJ doesn't like fistpumps in her face, I can't think she's a fan of fists in her face.  Also, "WATCH THE NOSE!"
• Welcome back, Kimmy.  I see you've left your mercy in Belgium.
• Thanks to Jane Peng for getting Boyfriend to link to my Rafa piece.  That's how the Kong rolls.
• WTA Boo Boo Boo Watch: MaKiri retired with an ab injury; Aravane retired with a right wrist injury; Nails also retired.
• ATP Boo Boo Boo Watch: Nico retired with a right hip injury; Feli retired two points from losing with some sort of injury, I'm thinking it was either a brain injury or World Cup fever; Special Kei also retired.
• Via Twitter, Nalby announced he's not playing Wimbledon.  So enjoy your crumpets as per yoosh.
• I would like to be introduced to these "people" who thought it was the coolest thing they'd ever seen.  Seriously, Serena.  I want a list.  Tweet it.  
• Oh, and Rafa's in Mallorca hanging with Xisca.  And probably crying.  A lot.

And that's the news I care about.  Oh, Ana lost to PetKo.  Shit happens.  Moving on.

Ummm...WHAT?

Franny knows sign language?

Pic This: These Kinda Make Me Want To Watch The Italian Version of "Miss Congeniality".

Obligatory glammy photoshoot of your RG Champ. 

And as always, Italy keeps it super classy.

If that really is Franny, there is A LOT of squishing going on there.

 

All kidding aside, I think this is a really effective marketing campaign.  I mean, I had no idea FUBU was still around let alone making Daisy Dukes.  Nor did I know that the "Us" referred to "Italians".  So noted, FUBU.

Also, I will no longer complain about the horrible make-up jobs foisted upon Ana.  Never ever.

Pic This: Franny Meets The Prime Minister, Mocks Belt's Attempt At Functionality.

Required Reading

A great pre-semifinal profile on Sammy Stones. 

Ravi Ubha makes his case on why Sods is the real deal.  And Tom Perrotta profiles him.

One day later, Franny looks to the grass.  Sam too.

The real winner at RG10?  Babolat.

Kamakshi Tandon goes all Nancy Drew in The Curious Case of Victoria Azarenka.

Pic This: Au Revoir.

 

And so another RG comes to a close.  All in all, it was an odd tournament that had some unexpected twists and turns that ended in two memorable feel good moments that made you happy and proud to be a tennis fan.  You can't ask for more than that.

 

Autograph request fail.  Or win.  I'm actually not sure.

 

Come to Mama.  I'll make it all better.

 

Hey, does anyone have 3-Across?

It's all fun and games until Rafa doesn't show up.

 

I'm happy to see you too, Andy.  At ease.

Air Quotes: Head of the Class.

Great stuff from both players in their presser.  If I wasn't so lazy I would go back and see when the last time a heavily favored loser didn't use "I didn't play well today" as an excuse for a loss.  Or a pair of pressers where both players had nothing but respect for each other.

Lose Yourself.

 

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

And so she did.  Oh yes, she did.

 

It was a match that, quite frankly, no one gave her a chance to win.  That's not to say people said she couldn't be "the winner", but the conventional wisdom was that this was Sam's match to lose.  The match was in Sam's hands and if Franny happened to be standing on the other side of the net on a day when Sam left her game, brain, or heart in the locker room, then of course, Fran would be the winner.  But being the "winner" and "winning" the match are two different things.  Of course, predictions are based on assumptions.  Generally, if they're done right, they are based on both empirical data and non-empirical data.  But they're still based on something "concrete".  Stats, style of play, form, momentum, etc. 

So leave it to the ballsy Italian and her team to completely pull the rug out from under everyone by unveiling a hyper-aggressive game plan and heretofore never-before-seen highly effective serve to "out offense" Sam.  I'm not sure anyone saw this coming.  I had assumed going into the match that Fran would try and use her different spins and angles to jerk Sam around and outrally her.  But it was the serve -- THAT SERVE -- that shocked the shit out of me. 

Now, to be clear, anyone can come up with an effective game plan.  But it takes a wily, seasoned veteran who understood the stakes and landscape of this match -- she was going up against a big hitter who could control points in, what is very probably, her one and only shot at a Slam title -- to fully commit and embrace this game plan.  Franny was being asked to play, what was for her, Red Line tennis -- pedal to the metal, serve huge, hit big, and crash the net.  Fail to execute and this could have been a 40 minute final.  Succeed and it's your moment.  And succeed she did.

This was two sets of awesome tennis.  Both players came out of the gate holding serve and sticking with their game plan.  And Sam played well.  Fran was simply better.  She had the better game plan, she committed to it and executed it to perfection, and Sam just couldn't make the adjustments she needed to.  Two mental lapses might keep her up at night: The double fault to give Fran the 1st set break and the crap game she threw in at 4-2 in the second set that gifted Fran the break back to get back on serve.  That was particularly gut-wrenching.  I really wanted to see what would happen in a third set.

So thanks, ladies. 

Two great stories, two amazing athletes, and two likeable, classy individuals who competed hard and played the best women's final in years.  WTA fans couldn't have asked for anything more.

Thanks, Sam, for giving us a week of tennis that we'll always remember.

And thanks, Franny, for giving us a day that we won't soon forget.

I'm The Boss.

Forza Franny!

Franny absolutely earned this one and both Sam and Fran gave us the best women's RG final in years.  It was quality tennis all the way through with the more courageous player coming out on top.  Well done, ladies.

A more robust post to come after I get some sleep and finish hugging my corgi for comfort.  But use this as a celebration post. 

"I Grew Up. As Person, As Tennis Player."

Franny's interview on Tennis Channel.

Martina on the women's final.  And Greg Garber completely jinxes Sam on ESPN.

PLEASE! SOMEONE WATCH THIS FINAL! IT'LL BE GOOD WE PROMISE!

Unless I've been asleep the night before the RG women's finals of the past, when's the last time you remember the combatants taking these joint pictures with flags and shit?  Never is my answer, though again, I could be wrong.

But you can't blame the RG tournament directors and all the networks who have the rights to air the women's final from freaking out a bit and trying to promote this as much as possible.  I mean, really, apart from the entire continent of Australia, the non-misogynistic parts of Italy, and pockets of hard core tennis fans, who exactly is going to watch this final?

It's a shame, really.  I'm super excited for this final and completely stressed.  On one hand, how amazing would be to see Fran hoist that trophy?  She's 29, she'll probably never get another chance at this, and her victory celebration would be the stuff of legend.  At the same time, I get the sense that Fran will be ok whether she wins or loses.  She's already accomplished so much this tournament.  It's win-win for her from here on out.

Which brings us to Sam.  As much as I love Fran, it would be really really bad for women's tennis if she won.  It would be deemed a fluke, a blip on the radar, a win that has zero impact on women's tennis going foreward.  Basically, these two weeks would all have been for naught; a few interesting matches that we'll all forget about because, at the end of the day, they didn't matter.  

A Sam win does matter.  At least Sam was a pre-tournament contender and has the resume to back up the win so that it's not seen as a fluke.  It changes the current WTA landscape in the same way that a Sod win would change the ATP landscape.  It's not just that these players have the capacity to beat the best players on any given day, but they become real threats because a Slam win shows they have the mental fortitude to close out big matches, which, especially for the WTA, is what separates the elite from the just very good.

To me, a Fran win would require Sam to pull a Dinara 09 in the final.  And how much would it suck if, after the run she's had this week, Sam mentally collapsed in the final.  If Sam loses the story will be just that: Sam lost.  No one will remember this as the final that Franny won.  It'll be the one where Sam Stosur had a complete mental collapse, served double digit DFs, and was hitting forehands at line judges.  No one will remember what she had to do to even get to the final.  Because, like I said, none of those matches matter if she doesn't win.  That's the cruel world of sport.

Plus her entire family is flying in from Australia.  Like I said.  I'm worried.  Auuuuuught! [/Katie]

Anyway, I just hope it's a good final.  If it's actually competitive then I'll be happy either way.  If it's a complete collapse by Sam then I'll be throwing things.  I never said I was mature.

 

Franny In The Locker Room

Air Quotes: "Whoo."

Q. Have you ever kissed a court before here?
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: No. Two days ago. (laughter.)
No, is the second time.

Q. How does it taste? (Laughter.)
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: It was good. So good.

Q. I'm not sure if this has been asked already so interrupt if it has but when Elena came to you, what did she say? But most of all, you just had come off the win in the tiebreak. You looked so stunned, so shocked. What went through your mind?
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: First of all, when I won the first set, I say, That's a good way, because I won not to waiting her mistake but to push and to try to do something. So I was very focused on my tactic and on my play. So was happy to catch that set.

Then when I see I was ready to take towel, I did like this, and I saw her too close. (Laughter.) I say, Maybe something happen. And for 10 seconds, I don't know how many seconds, but I couldn't realize. Then I know when you shake the hands, it's finish. So then my mind came where I was.

Q. Have you ever been so shocked in a tennis match?
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: Yeah, there are many things that the woman do that you can shock. Whoo.

Elena Dementieva Must Have Kicked A Puppy In A Prior Life. Franny Was...Probably Just Franny.

I tried to stay as far away from this match as possible.  Not because I didn't care.  My jokey, laugh-a-minute, irreverent side really wanted Fran to win.  "Fuck the establishment" that side would say!  Screw you and your predictions!  Franny is awesome and she deserves to make the finals!!!  All valid points, irreverence.

But my heart was pulling for Lena.  The underachieving, hard-working Lena.  Rooting for Lena is like being a Cubs fan.  Or, perhaps more accurately, a Red Sox fan prior to the aughts.  A player constantly denied the glory partially because of her own mistakes and partially because of one singular vanquisher that always stands in her way.

In my head I knew she wouldn't make it out of this match.  If you've actually watched Lena play all week you knew she wasn't moving well.  She injured her leg against CanWoz in the third round and she's been scraping through ever since.  

But it was a bummer that Lena had to retire after that first set.  The vilification she'll receive among fans and press for once again not being able to step up to the plate will echo for years.  Nevermind the fact that she's suffered a tear in her calf and might not be able to play Wimbledon.   Don't let the facts get in the way of your story, boys and girls.

With that out of the way, let's put aside our downcast gazes and give a bit "WHOOMP THERE IT IS!" to Franny.  She's the first Italian woman in a Grand Slam final, she's passed Flavia as the new Italian #1, and she's done this with hard work, new strings, and the maturity of a 29 year-old who's seen it all.  Oh, and also a hot boyfriend who actually looks like he may be man enough for her brand of awesome.

Congrats, Fran!  I can't say that I'll be rooting for you, but I also can't say that I won't whoop it up in my living room and do one-armed pushups (ahem...pushup) in celebration of your history making win either.

Forza Cesca! 

You know she'll rub her cooter on the clay if she wins, right?

I'll Have What She's Having.

Gotta love it.  Week two kicks off at RG and we're finally getting some stories that are heartwarming.  Tour stalwart, Franny, finally makes her first Slam semifinal at 29 years old.  Her veteran game of mixing spins and angles seemed to confuzzle Caro.  A 62 63 drubbing?  I think Fran might have spent more energy during her celebration.

Rise up!

Pic This: RG Days 5-9 (I Have Some Catching Up To Do)

 

Please keep playing well.  We need your brand of crazy on a more regular basis. 

And I have a whole notebook full of poetry dedicated to you.  You're my muse!

Ah.  The irony of yellow.

 

Scuba!  Scuba!  Scuba!

 

Embrace your inner Techno.

 

No snark here.  I just found this series of photos sweet and Rafa's look at the end hilarious.


Glad to see there are still Rudolf Fekete fans.  Never forget!

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Air Quotes: Danophobe.

Q. How do you see the next match is against Caroline Wozniacki?
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: A you are Danish.

Q. No, I am not.
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: Ah. Okay, so I can answer.

Q. So how do you see this match?
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: Will be tough for sure. She's great player. She has been No. 2. She played already one final in Grand Slam.
So I think I have to play my tennis and to be concentrated. It's a good opportunity for me, and I'm ready to play.

Q. I'm Danish, first of all...
FRANCESCA SCHIAVONE: You can go. There is a door. You can go out. I joke.

An Apple A Day Does Not Keep Tranny Away

We saw Flavia practice the day after she lost that weird three-setter with Peer and boy, was Gaby making her work.

They were debating tactics throughout practice and it was pretty clear that Flavi totally disagreed with Gaby's take on the match and what went wrong.  It was pretty much exactly what you'd think a Flavi being pissed in Italian scene would look like.

Obligatory pictures of the tramp stamp none of us knew she had.

I guess that's a look, girl.

Later that day, eating the shit out of an apple.

Hey, where'd you come from?

Flavi! Marry Me!

She's just...the best.

Pic This: I Mean, Do I *Really* Have To Caption These?

Like, how did this picture come about?  Either they were on their way to the buffet line, heard "Svetlana!  Victoria!  Picture!" and literally stopped in their tracks and turned towards the camera, or else they were in mid-conversation and actually turned to pose front to back.  I expect answers via Twitter.

In other news, check out those sandals.  Sveta dressed up!

That is a creepy-ass camel.

Because that is what you do when you take a picture with Sveta.

In other news, check out that bra.  Sveta dressed up!

I'm going to assume that the airline lost her luggage and Franny rummaged through Sveta's bag.  Either that or a homeless person has wandered onto the grounds, thus proving that Dubai security forces are fucking useless.

Let it be known that JJ will wear a lot of ridiculous shit, but she will not wear a hawk.

Pic This: Roast!

"There was this one time, I mean, I don't remember the specifics, but there was a lot of wine..."

Pic This: So here's the thing....

I'm drunk.  How drunk, you ask?  Let's just say I fell down putting on my pajamas and I put my shirt on backwards and I just ate a powdered donut. 

With that...here we go....

Alona cares not for your "tactics", creepy dude.

Badass.

No you have to enter her password.  No seriously, this has to get done TODAY.

Ruh Roh.  Someone raided the Bunny Ranch eyeliner stash.

Didn't she just have a kid, like 4 days from now? 

That said...NATHALIE!!!

Oh, Casey.  Go buy some tissues from Target.

Uh...I don't know.  That's a kangaroo.  Seemed funny.  Probably funnier if I was sober.  Or less.  I don't know.  Huh?

ALIZE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE'S WAY!!! JESUS!

Someone got a new Toyota....

Kata!  I haz a happee.

 

Whereabout is she???

Oh, Alex.  Yelling only scares her more.

You'd think that was Cones.  It's not.  Hence the current state of Team France.

You smug little bastard.

What are you looking for?  Oh that thing behind you?  IT'S YOUR GAME.

Semi-Bound

The first round of Fed Cup is over and after all the dust and thundersticks have settled we have the four teams we pretty much expected to advance.  

Kudos to Team America for their surprisingly (at least to me) decisive win over France.  Mels Bells clinched it in her opening match today over Julie Coin.  Their reward?

 

Hosting Team Russia in the semifinals.  On the, uh, broad shoulders of Sveta and Kleybs, Russia advanced after trouncing the dream (or nightmare, depending on your perspective) pairing of JJ and Ana in the decisive doubles match. 

The day started with JJ engineering yet another three set come from behind victory over Sveta, only to see Ana crumble under the pressure of being a clincher.  The kid came out nervous again, dropping to 0-4 in the first, before dropping the match 62 63. 

Rough luck for Serbia, even rougher luck for Ana, who will surely have to endure some fun questions and commentary.  But kudos to the Glitter Queen of Serbia, who put her money where her mouth was and pulled of a solid Fed Cup weekend.  And her win over Sveta should give her some confidence. 

If only that darned back would heal....

 

On the other side of the draw will be the Czech Republic at Italy.  The Italians sealed their tie after both Flavia and Franny won their reverse singles to clinch 3-1.  As for the Czechs, they had a surprise hero in Lucie Hradcka, who subbed in for a sick Lucie Safarova and beat Petkovic in singles, then teamed up with Kveta Peschke to win the decisive doubles match.  It'll be a tough task to beat Italy in Italy on, I presume, clay. 

Reach Out and Touch Faith

Huh.  I never thought A-Bond would get the upper hand on Franny in any situation.  On the court, in a dark alley, at a bar, nowhere.  So color me shocked that she didn't just beat Franny With A Fringe On Top (I honestly have no idea how my mind works sometimes), but she beat her handily, 61 64.

Leave it to Flavia to right things for the defending champs, as she took out K-Bond 75 63.  This tie is turning interesting though.  If neither team can close it out in singles tomorrow it sets up an awesome doubles tie with the Bondos vs. Whoever Italy chooses to field.  That could be entertaining as hell.  

Speaking of entertaining as hell (aside -- I clearly have a subliminal obsession with hell as being an incredibly awesome place), Sodapop said there were Ukrainian cheerleaders at the match and they did a cheer to "Personal Jesus". 

Anyway, I'm just waiting for one of them to close it out so we can get to the back alley knife fight.

Air Quotes: Huh. Didn't See That One Coming.

"My boyfriend, because he’s my boyfriend! (laughs)."

-- Franny, on who she would want to have dinner with.

This Will Not Help Your Sponsorship Prospects

Apparently the Australian Open store takes returns.

Aga goes into her third round match having dropped only 3 games and dishing out two bagels.  Like Franny cares.  She casually dumped Aga, 62 62. 

Well, as casually as Franny can.