Forty Deuce

You're Such A Miranda!

The WTA player party.  What can you say?  Normally I tune in for the fashion, hair, and makeup disasters.  But I have to say, the Ladies did ok for themselves this year.  I mean, Aga's once again dressed as a Jersey hooker, but hey, the girl's got a look that she's sticking with.  Commitment is 90% of fashion.

Masha, impeccably dressed as an homage to the trophy her boy won tonight.  I don't think the photos do that dress justice.  A stunning piece if seen in person, methinks, especially when worn by a 6'1'' Masha.

Accessory win.

movingrightalong...

Kimiko is adorable despite the fact that she's being attached by the Grimace's shredded entrails.  And can we please stop thinking that ballet flats are appropriate "event" wear?

I mean, she looks great.  But she also looks 15 years older.  PEEP TOE, DINARA!

You kids are adorbz, even if it does look like the Eastern European version of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion.

Beautiful makeup and hair, and a great dress that needed about 15 minutes with a tailor.  The hem is killing me.

...

Awesome sex hair.

I love this dress minus the frills on the shoulders. 

Bepa!

Amber Alert!

Winner.  Perfect hair, the dress fits perfectly, heels are beautiful and understated.  She looks like she rolled out of bed like this.  Bomb.

You could fit the entire continent of Serbia between Charlotte and Samantha. 

As it should be.

Pic This: Au Revoir.

 

And so another RG comes to a close.  All in all, it was an odd tournament that had some unexpected twists and turns that ended in two memorable feel good moments that made you happy and proud to be a tennis fan.  You can't ask for more than that.

 

Autograph request fail.  Or win.  I'm actually not sure.

 

Come to Mama.  I'll make it all better.

 

Hey, does anyone have 3-Across?

It's all fun and games until Rafa doesn't show up.

 

I'm happy to see you too, Andy.  At ease.

Pic This: RG Days 5-9 (I Have Some Catching Up To Do)

 

Please keep playing well.  We need your brand of crazy on a more regular basis. 

And I have a whole notebook full of poetry dedicated to you.  You're my muse!

Ah.  The irony of yellow.

 

Scuba!  Scuba!  Scuba!

 

Embrace your inner Techno.

 

No snark here.  I just found this series of photos sweet and Rafa's look at the end hilarious.


Glad to see there are still Rudolf Fekete fans.  Never forget!

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Gassed Out.

I always pretend that Nico is actually not Spanish.  I intentionally exclude him whenever I think about the Armada because he is the only member of the Armada that I affirmatively dislike.  Well, him and DB Chuck, but that no one considers that guy Armada anyway.  Anyway, I have no concrete reason to hate on Nico.  He just seems like a prick of the highest order, with his whooping and hollering and seemingly aggressive behavior towards his opponents and towards umpires. 

All that is to say, the Armada got slightly prickier today as Nico put an end to Fernando's epic (all the best and worst ways) clay court season.  I think we were all ready to take Fer out back and put him out of his clay court misery before RG even began but I'm bummed it had to come at the hands of Almagro.

As for Fer, what to say?  Everyone knows he should have never played Nice.  Hell, his schedule over the course of 2010  is exhausting just to read.  Who knows what would have happened if he hadn't played Nice.  But if you were to ask me a month ago if I thought Nico would be Fernando at RG, I would have laughed in your face. 

Fernando Wants To Be In The Hole.

FeVer talks non-American football. 

And something about holes, feeding things, being behind, I don't know. 

I got distracted and confused.

Dude has a potentially tricky match tomorrow against Frenchie Florent Serra.  As some know, Fer got into a little dust-up with the French crowd during the Nice final, yelling some things he probably should not have been yelling.  Basically he lost his cool and popped off at the probably very rude crowd.  Understandable?  Yes.  Entertaining?  Yes.  Defensible? Nope.

So of course, the FFT has scheduled his match in the ever so intimate Bullring.  We all know Fer will be on lockdown.  But what of the French?

Keep On Keepin' On.

Recent tourney winners Masha and Fer cruised through their first round matches today. 

As per usual, Masha's new Nike dress looks better on her rack than "a rack".  Well, to the extent that she even has a rack.  Which she doesn't.  Just to be clear.

Nice. I Guess.

FeVer continues his fun charade in Nice.  Just because it's red clay and the people speak French, doesn't mean it's Roland Garros, dude.  I hope someone in your entourage pointed that out.

Since you're in the final (third final on clay this Spring) you might as well win it.  He'll play Reeshard, who has had a great tournament.  And this pisses me off.  For obvious reasons. 

But in happy news, someone who actually needed the match play is in the finals of Strasbourg.  Moo, baby, Moo!

And in the Caroline Wozniacki Open, we almost had an all Chinese final.  But then Romania had to come and spoil the party, as they are wont to do.

Cannes You Dig It?

As people expected, on top of playing Nice with a bum ankle, Fer showed up to the Cannes Film Festival.

 

It is unclear whether he was there as a valet, construction worker, or crossing guard.

Idiot Development Program.

Sure.  Why not.  Go play Warsaw and Nice the week before Roland Garros, a tournament that you are expected to do well in, while you've played impacted schedules and are not 100%.  Why not!  This can't backfire AT ALL. 

I get it, responsibilities, commitment, "I'm Polish", whatever.   Lose in the first round.  This is unwise. 

I mean, even JJ's taking the week off.  EVEN JJ!!!

Boo.

Augh.  Why did it have to be at the hands of the Douche Stamp? 

With a little help from a rolled ankle, Douche bounced Fernando out of his home tournament in straight sets.  FeVer was able to play on the ankle so it shouldn't be too serious.  That said, he's got 12 days to get it all healed up for Roland Garros.  Stress.

"It's annoying, and the injury is in a difficult place," he said. "There are lots of tendons in this zone but two physios have told me it isn't serious. I think I'll be able to make it for Paris and to be 100 percent."

I have my hooks crossed.

Are You Looking For A Hero?

Come on. You can't tell me you didn't of the WTA commercial in the first few seconds.

No idea what he's saying but the commercial looks cute (minus the icky "Oooh! My Calvin Klein billboard!!!") and I still tear up whenever anyone shows his clips from AO09.

Dude! What Are You Doing In NYC?

Fernando is not home in Madrid resting for his next tournament that is in...Madrid.  He decided to take the scenic route home from Rome with a quick stop in New York City to attend a gala at the Met.  Yeah, that makes sense.

I don't know.  Maybe he got so sick and tired of hearing about Deliciano's drama that he just needed a time out.  It happens.

One of These Things Is Not Like The Other....

 

Man, You Ignore Tennis For A Week...

I honestly can barely catch up with all the crazy from this weekend, let alone the crazy from last week.  But I'm gonna try.  Bear with me.

Sarong? So Wrong.

The Armada did their thing again, posing for wet and shirtless for Spanish Elle. 

What can we conclude?

 
(1) The Armada is hot.

(2) Jeans > Sarongs.  I mean, I know we call him Florence but putting him in a skirt was just wrong.

(3) As much as anyone with a brain hates Abercrombie, we have to thank them for introducing the hip-crack to the world.  Because seriously, it is a glorious thing.

I honestly don't know what to make of this picture.  All I know is that the sarong should not be there.  And I don't even mean that in a "OOH! LET'S LOOK AT NEKKID FER!" way.  It is wet, it is clingy, it is see through, and it is gross.

Even Tommy's pointing and laughing.

It's really the pink flops that elevate this picture from "Daveed contemplates the meaning of life" to "Shit.  What the hell happened last night..." awesomeness.

 

Pic This: Um. This Looks Dangerous.

Granted, I have a horrible fear of heights.  I literally had to sit down when I saw these pics, my knees were buckling so badly.  I'm sure DonkeyGrooming had to sit down too but for entirely different reasons.

 

No look!

I *definitely* wouldn't put myself in a position where this guy could easily push me to my death.  Because you know he would.  HE WOULD.

Woodshed Saturday

Could it be?  Did Fer finally get a prescription for his chronic TED?  That was a shellacking he laid on Nole, taking out the top seed, 62 62.  This gets him his first Masters final, back into the Top 10, and, well, it was a big fucking win.  The biggest win of his career in my humble opinion (outside of Davis Cup, of course). 

Unfortunately, he's gotta play this guy:

Could Rafa *really* win six straight in Monte Carlo?  I mean...if you really let that stat sink in it's retarded remarkable. 

Either way, Go Tennis!

But really, go Rafa.

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served On Clay.

FeVer finally got his revenge, coming back to beat Big Berd in three.  Of course, you knew Tomas wasn't long for the dirt when he literally fell over himself trying to volley in the first game. 

I sputtered out loud.  It was very very funny.

Mr. Brightside

 

No surprises today in Monte Carlo, thank God, as Jo had a tough go with Nico back came through in two tight sets, 76(5) 75.  Kind of a big win for the guy on clay.  So, you know, ROWR!

Fer got really mad at that ball and destroyed Apricot, 62 61.  Like, whoa.

 

Marin put on his guyliner and came bag against Igor, 67 61 64.  You really need to cool it, Marin.  You're verging on Brandon Flowers territory.  Here's hoping you don't crash and burn and turn into a heaping pile of suckitude like the Killers did.

 

And this is a cute picture of a guy who won.

Singles - Second Round
[4] M Cilic (CRO) d I Andreev (RUS) 67(4) 61 64 
[5] J Tsonga (FRA) d N Almagro (ESP) 76(5) 75
[6] F Verdasco (ESP) d J Benneteau (FRA) 62 61
[10] T Berdych (CZE) d [WC] R Gasquet (FRA) 62 60

Singles - First Round
[12] T Robredo (ESP) d H Zeballos (ARG) 63 63
[13] S Wawrinka (SUI) d V Hanescu (ROM) 62 64
[15] J Melzer (AUT) d P Mathieu (FRA) 63 62 
A Montanes (ESP) d [16] M Baghdatis (CYP) 64 62
M Llodra (FRA) d F Fognini (ITA) 63 63
V Troicki (SRB) d L Kubot (POL) 46 62 62
F Serra (FRA) d S Robert (FRA) 76(6) 36 64
[Q] T de Bakker (NED) d E Schwank (ARG) 63 75

Pic This: Au Natural

Ok, so yes, they're hot when they're all dolled up. 

But really, I like my boys relaxed and in their comfy clothes.

Because that's how I imagine them in my non-creepy dreams. 

 

YOU SHAVED!!! THANK GOD!!!

Wampire.

Pic This: [Snicker]

Without me, his world will go on turning. 

A world that's full of happiness that I have never knooooooooooooooooowwn! 

I love him. 

I love him. 

I love him, but only on my own.

Aaaaaaaand scene.

Personally, I Think It's Your Hair That's Weighing You Down.

Gotta make this quick but here's a pictorial round-up on yesterday's action, none of which I watched.

Fer, please get a kit that fits, a racquet that works, and a haircut that makes you aerodynamic.  Tomas, please forget that you're in the semifinals of a Masters tournament after beating two top 10 players.

 

[Snicker]

So...I'm guessing I shouldn't hold my breath anymore in anticipation of Sod's return to mediocrity.  Second straight Masters semifinal for the embodiment of Evil.

I heard this match was crap.  Not from tennis commentators, mind you, but from fans. 

Feel free to give your mind-blowing tennis analysis in the comments.

Crockett and Tubbs

So one of the many little tidbits that I've learned about these two from DonkeyGrooming is the fact that Fernando makes fun of Feli all the time for being fat.  This was confirmed during my impromptu screening of The Montenegro Method, wherein Feli tells the world that he really doesn't watch what he eats unless it's during a tournament.

So there you go.  A new nickname is born:  Tubbs.

Which sucks for Feli.  No one wanted to be Tubbs.

Oh, Jesus. We're In Miami, Aren't We.

Like death and taxes, you can always count on Aga to dress up as a hooker in Miami.

So I've never been to Miami.  All I know about it is what I see on TV or in movies.  Oh, and the Will Smith song that I will not quote for yet *another* year in reference to this tournament.  But from what I can gather from my extensive pop culture learnings, it seems pretty fucking cheesy. 

These Miami Player Party pictures do not help dispel this notion.

 

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK is Caro wearing?  She makes Aga look like Coco Chanel here.  There are simply no words.  You are the #2 female tennis player in the world and *that's* what you show up in?  If I didn't know any better I would have just thought she was some belly dancer that was wandering around and Aga drunkenly grabbed her for a picture.

Because you know Aga would.

 

And this?  THIS?  I'm sorry but if I am ever asked me again why I don't lust after this guy I will whip this picture out every time.  Normally he just looks like he reeks of Paco Rabanne.  Now he looks like he reeks of Axe Body Spray, BO, hair product, and GHB.  Just...ew.

If you threw this photo up against a wall it would stick.

(*whisper* Cuz it's tacky.)

 

Oh, was it too warm for your "scarf", Muzz?

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate ING!JJ?  Oh, I haven't?  BECAUSE I DO.

Let her fly her freak flag, ING.  It's pretty much the only reason we care.

"Are you trying to be down, down, down, down, down on women's tennis?"

Thank you, Venus for looking awesome.  I'm going to end this post/rant on a high note.

Pic This: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

FeliVer go back in time in their beach volleyball gear to interrupt Lindsay's practice session.

Sexy Dubs

Some video from some of some sexy doubles teams. I highly recommend hitting up the doubles matches at any tournament. Not only is it more bang for your buck (ahem) but they're usually on the smaller side courts where you can easily find a seat courtside.

Jo and Julien:

Fernando and Feli:

I'm Assuming That's A Rhetorical Question, Nando.

GOOOOOOOOOOOD Morning.

I Like It When You Work Out Your Upper Body Too, Fer

In case you guys didn't notice, Fernando works out. 

But this gem had me rolling:

Fernando Verdasco knew before he turned 1 what he wanted to be. Or at least according to a Verdasco family legend, which tells the story of a crying baby who could only be placated by the rhythmic thumping of a tennis ball on television.

“I don’t know if it was the sound of the ball or what, but when they put on a match I stopped crying. From that point forward, every time I cried they put tennis on,” Fernando says.

Reminds me of the Note family legend of a child who took her first steps because her dad was dangling a one dollar bill in front of her.  The rest, as they say, is history.

FeVer Breaks Through

Finally.

 

To me, the title was a bonus.  Fernando was finally able to show that he can beat a top 10 player.  The last time that seemed to have happened was when he kicked off his career surge by beating Muzz at AO 09.  In fact, he came into this match with a 15 match losing streak against Top 10ers.  But there would be no TED this time.  Dude came back from a set down to beat A-Rod in a tight three setter to claim his fourth career title, 36 64 64.

Way to embarrass a dude in front of his girl on Valentine's Day.

Good job, sweaty one.  Sorry...the Spanish one.  In case that was confusing.

Suck My Left One, SAP.

Nole's got the day off in Rotterdam, Brasil has some catching up to do (rain washed out today's play), and the SAP Open fucking sucks ball for choosing to schedule two Americans for the night matches as opposed to giving Fernando one of the slots, thus ensuring that DG has spent much of this evening sadly cycling through the beautiful pictures she took on Wednesday and wondering if she'll ever see her man again.

Ok, well not really.  Work permitting, she's going to ditch work and we'll go to his match during the day session.  But don't think I won't be flipping tables and drawing on Andy Roddick posters in protest.  Fuckin' bastards.

Rotterdam:

San Jose

Brasil

Rain washed out the entire day of play in Brasil.  So they'll a day behind on their OOP.

Gettin' SAPpy.

 

Good times were had by all at the evening session of the SAP on Wednesday.  I headed down to San Jose with DonkeyGrooming, aka Fernando's #1 Fan, to take in the action.  This was DG's first live tennis match in a long time so I was excited to see her stoked for it.

After enduring the 1 hour and 20 minute drive (ok, yes, I'm whining. But I *never* drive so this is like...a cross -country trip for me.  Also, I wasn't driving, which makes my whining even more pathetic) we finally arrived at HP Pavilion.  We knew we had reached our destination because you couldn't walk without bumping into a banner of Andy Roddick. 

Diversification, boys.  Try it sometime.

Once we made it inside (after the door guy referred to DG as "the Mom of the evening" because she was carrying our tickets -- wha?) we checked our phones and saw that the BryBros were signing autographs.  We wouldn't be good tennis fans if we didn't take the opportunity to stand within 10 feet of them and laugh.  So we did. 

After that we got some food and found our seats, which, bless DG, were right behind the players' chairs.  She having of course dressed up for the occasion, it was clear that her four inch Stuart Weitzman "fuck me" heels weren't going to make it up and down the arena steps to get our liquid refreshments.  So me and my trusty Dunk Lows ran up and down the steps to secure four white wines and two gigantic beers. 

Note to the SAP Staff:  If you have a sign that says "2 Alcoholic Beverages Per Transaction" don't try and pull this "Sorry, you already have 2 glasses of wine that you bought at the other stand.  We can't sell you this beer" bullshit.  Do you have a dictionary?  Good.  Go look up "transaction" and get back to me.  

Anywho, once all was said and done we settled into the matches.  First up with A-Rod vs. Ryler DeHeart. 

If you remember the USO 08 then you remember Ryler as being the kid that Rafa destroyed on Ashe during the night session.  Also, if you've been to his website, you know that Ryler wants you to know that "World Domination Is Imminent."

But he was so adorable then and he was just as adorable tonight.  He came alive in the second set, playing a great game to break Andy, before choking when trying to serve out the set. 

A-Rod broke back and the rest is history.  But a good performance by him.  

 

Then it was the main event.  Well, at least for us.  30% of the crowd left after Andy won.  Idiots.  Yeah...we were sitting...kind of close.

I must say, the gangrene Adidas kit looks so much better in person.  It's still baggy, but it definitely doesn't look as busy.  He looks like a Listerine strip that you just want to put in your mouth.  Or something.

  It was really interesting to watch A-Rod and Fer back to back.  Watching Andy, all I could think was "HIT THE DAMN BALL!!!"  I am always amazed as to how much effort he puts into hitting the ball and it just goes nowhere.  Yes, he puts a lot of work on the ball and he grinds opponents down, but with his wind up and extension you'd think he'd hit the ball harder.  He doesn't.  It's frustrating to me. 

But with Fer, you know that if the ball is short or if he can get his weight behind it, he'll hit it.  And his forehand is a beauty.  There were quite a few fun points between the two and Rendy acquitted himself well, especially in the second set. 

But after Rendy won the second set to force a third, I told a very worried DG "Don't worry, Fer's fitter.  Rendy won't have the legs to keep up."  Sure enough, that's what happened.  Fer served better in the third and Rendy was hunched over gasping for air a few times.

So DG and I had a blast and should Fernando get scheduled for the Friday evening session we'll go again.  Going to the SAP reminded me how much I love live tennis and how much I'm looking forward to IW this year.  It sounds like we'll have a relatively large FD contingent (the regulars and some newbies) and this year DG is going to come along with Love All and I.  Stock up on wine and beer, Indian Wells.  Here we come.

ATP OOP: Wednesday

Wow.  Rotterdam has two great second round matches between Feli/Kolya and Blah/Marcos.  And in fun news, I'll be at the evening session in San Jose.  I'll probably light up my Twitter feed while I'm there, mainly typing out the totally inappropriate things DonkeyGrooming will surely be muttering under her breath.  Or yelling out loud.  Depends on how much beer I can get in her during A-Rod's match.

San Jose

 

Brasil:

You Knew It Was Cu -- Coming.

Happy Friday!

Pic This: But Where's The Funky Bunch?

Do the kids even get the reference?

(Thanks to Down The Line for the pic)

All Flirt, No Finish.

Last time we saw Peter Petrelli he was playing a five setter in Melbourne. 

Same result. 

In a pretty shambolic match, Kolya came out on top.  I don't really know how he came out on top.  After cruising in the first two sets, Fer stepped up the intensity and Kolya got tired.  He was somehow able to find his legs for a few key points to gut out the win in five.  The match definitely tarnished the Kolya mystique, though.  

Another tough loss for Fer, who lost in front of father, friend (Claudio!) and "new friend" (Camilla Belle?).  Don't worry, Camilla.  I'm 100% certain he doesn't have a finishing problem in the bedroom.

AO Day 8: OOP

I can't think Nole or Jo will have much trouble with Kubot or One-Armed Nico.  If I had to put money on an upset, you know I gotta let it ride on Franny.  Come on, girl, do it for your "man"!

But that match is but an amuse bouche to the tastiness of the match of the day: Fer vs. Kolya.  Flip a coin.  But I'm going with Kolya on this one.  Sorry, donkeygrooming.  If Kolya wins I'll take you to dinner at Mamacita and you can Ghost World his doppleganger.  Promise.

I'll also be keeping a close watch on Vera vs. Vika and Caro vs. Nails.  I think the L Word besties will be fine, but I wouldn't shed a tear if it went the other way in either match.  I would love to see two Chinese players in the quarterfinals. 

Rod Laver Arena 11:00 Start Time
1. Women’s Singles – 4th Round
Francesca Schiavone (ITA)[17] v. Venus Williams (USA)[6]
2. Men’s Singles – 4th Round
Fernando Verdasco (ESP)[9] v. Nikolay Davydenko (RUS)[6]
3. Women’s Singles – 4th Round
Serena Williams (USA)[1] v. Samantha Stosur (AUS)[13]

Rod Laver Arena 19:30 Start Time
1. Men’s Singles – 4th Round
Roger Federer (SUI)[1] v. Lleyton Hewitt (AUS)[22]
2. Women’s Singles – 4th Round
Vera Zvonareva (RUS)[9] v. Victoria Azarenka (BLR)[7]

Hisense Arena 11:00 Start Time
1. Mixed Doubles – 2nd Round
Flavia Pennetta (ITA) v. Jarmila Groth (AUS)
Marcelo Melo (BRA) Samuel Groth (AUS)
2. Women’s Singles – 4th Round
Caroline Wozniacki (DEN)[4] v. Na Li (CHN)[16]
3. Men’s Singles – 4th Round
Novak Djokovic (SRB)[3] v. Lukasz Kubot (POL)
4. Men’s Singles – 4th Round
Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (FRA)[10] v. Nicolas Almagro (ESP)[26]

Margaret Court Arena 11:00 Start Time
1. Men’s Doubles – 3rd Round
Michael Kohlmann (GER) v. Simone Bolelli (ITA)
Jarkko Nieminen (FIN) Andreas Seppi (ITA)
2. Men’s Doubles – 3rd Round
John Isner (USA) v. Lukas Dlouhy (CZE)[3]
Sam Querrey (USA) Leander Paes (IND)[3]
3. Women’s Doubles – 3rd Round
Nuria Llagostera Vives (ESP)[3] v. Maria Kirilenko (RUS)[15]
Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez (ESP)[3] Agnieszka Radwanska (POL)[15]
4. Mixed Doubles – 2nd Round
Cara Black (ZIM)[1] v. Akgul Amanmuradova (UZB)
Leander Paes (IND)[1] Rik De Voest (RSA)
5. Mixed Doubles – 1st Round
Maria Kirilenko (RUS)[5] v. Raquel Kops-Jones (USA)
Nenad Zimonjic (SRB)[5] Dick Norman (BEL)

Show Court 2 11:00 Start Time
1. Women’s Doubles – 3rd Round
Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)[8] v. Elena Vesnina (RUS)[9]
Zi Yan (CHN)[8] Jie Zheng (CHN)[9]
2. Legends’ Doubles 45 and Over
Mansour Bahrami (IRI) v. Henri Leconte (FRA)
Wally Masur (AUS) Mats Wilander (SWE)
3. Mixed Doubles – 2nd Round
T.B.D. v. Elena Vesnina (RUS)[8]
Andy Ram (ISR)[8]
4. Men’s Doubles – 3rd Round
Simon Aspelin (SWE)[11] v. Fernando Gonzalez (CHI)
Paul Hanley (AUS)[11] Ivan Ljubicic (CRO)
5. Mixed Doubles – 2nd Round
Alisa Kleybanova (RUS)[6] v. Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (CZE)
Max Mirnyi (BLR)[6] Oliver Marach (AUT)

Show Court 3 11:00 Start Time
1. Legends’ Doubles
Scott Draper (AUS) v. Todd Woodbridge (AUS)
Richard Fromberg (AUS) Mark Woodforde (AUS)
2. Mixed Doubles – 2nd Round
Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) v. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK)[2]
Jaroslav Levinsky (CZE) Daniel Nestor (CAN)[2]
3. Women’s Doubles – 3rd Round
Lisa Raymond (USA)[6] v. Yung-Jan Chan (TPE)
Rennae Stubbs (AUS)[6] Monica Niculescu (ROU)
4. Mixed Doubles – 2nd Round
Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)[3] v. Chia-Jung Chuang (TPE)
Bob Bryan (USA)[3] Filip Polasek (SVK)

Court 5 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Jung-Woong Na (KOR) v. Bartosz Sawicki (POL)
2. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Victor Baluda (RUS) v. Cedrick Commin (FRA)
Richard Muzaev (RUS) Oliver Golding (GBR)
3. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Arturs Kazijevs (LAT) v. John Morrissey (IRL)
Mikelis Libietis (LAT) Bartosz Sawicki (POL)
4. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Suk-Young Jeong (KOR) v. Tom Allen (GBR)
Jung-Woong Na (KOR) Jack Carpenter (GBR)
5. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Hao Chen Tang (CHN) v. Maryna Zanevska (UKR)[7]
Kobkanok Upapong (THA) Sandra Zaniewska (POL)[7]

Court 6 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Daniel Berta (SWE)[1] v. Jarryd Chaplin (AUS)
2. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Laura Robson (GBR) v. Belinda Woolcock (AUS)
3. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Teiwa Casey (AUS) v. Jana Cepelova (SVK)
Nicole Hoynaski (AUS) Chantal Skamlova (SVK)
4. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Laura Robson (GBR)[5] v. Eugenie Bouchard (CAN)
Heather Watson (GBR)[5] Luksika Kumkhum (THA)
5. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Cristina Dinu (ROU) v. Viktorija Rajicic (AUS)
Melis Sezer (TUR) Harriet Sheahan (AUS)

Court 7 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Alexandra Nancarrow (AUS) v. Mai Grage (DEN)
2. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Benjamin Mitchell (AUS) v. Henri Laaksonen (FIN)[15]
3. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Azra Hadzic (AUS) v. Yana Buchina (RUS)
Alexandra Nancarrow (AUS) Ksenia Kirillova (RUS)
4. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Jason Kubler (AUS) v. Alexis Carlos (MEX)
Benjamin Mitchell (AUS) Hernus Pieters (RSA)
5. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Molly Polak (AUS) v. Kanyapat Narattana (THA)
Belinda Woolcock (AUS) Grace Sari Ysidora (INA)

Court 8 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Nick Chappell (USA) v. Ben Wagland (AUS)
2. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Kobkanok Upapong (THA) v. Abbie Myers (AUS)
3. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
James Frawley (AUS) v. Kevin Krawietz (GER)[2]
Nick Kyrgios (AUS) Dominik Schulz (GER)[2]
4. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Abbie Myers (AUS) v. Karolina Pliskova (CZE)
Storm Sanders (AUS) Kristyna Pliskova (CZE)
5. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Romain Arneodo (FRA) v. Luke Saville (AUS)
Mick Lescure (FRA) Jack Schipanski (AUS)

Court 10 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Renzo Olivo (ARG)[11] v. Tom Allen (GBR)
2. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Ting-Fei Juan (TPE) v. Tamara Curovic (SRB)[3]
Min Liu (CHN) Sachie Ishizu (JPN)[3]
3. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Sebastian Lavie (NZL)[7] v. Kalle Averfalk (SWE)
Renzo Olivo (ARG)[7] Leandro Toledo (GER)
4. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Olga Ianchuk (UKR) v. Ester Goldfeld (USA)
Elina Svitolina (UKR) Madison Keys (USA)
5. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Filip Horansky (SVK)[6] v. Joey Swaysland (AUS)
Jozef Kovalik (SVK)[6] Andrew Whittington (AUS)

Court 11 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Ester Goldfeld (USA) v. Saisai Zheng (CHN)[15]
2. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Jiri Vesely (CZE) v. Mick Lescure (FRA)
3. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Marianne Jodoin (CAN) v. Nastja Kolar (SLO)[2]
Saisai Zheng (CHN) Silvia Njiric (CRO)[2]
4. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Robert Rumler (CZE) v. Nick Chappell (USA)
Jiri Vesely (CZE) Vladislav Dubinsky (RUS)

Court 13 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Alexander Rumyantsev (RUS) v. Marton Fucsovics (HUN)[6]
2. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Cristina Dinu (ROU) v. Camila Silva (CHI)[8]
3. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Arthur De Greef (BEL)[3] v. Pavel Krainik (CAN)
Gianni Mina (FRA)[3] Alexander Rumyantsev (RUS)
4. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Yuki Ito (JPN) v. Anna-Lena Friedsam (GER)[6]
Rishika Sunkara (IND) Mai Grage (DEN)[6]
5. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Ulrikke Eikeri (NOR)[4] v. Eri Hozumi (JPN)
Camila Silva (CHI)[4] Miyu Kato (JPN)

Court 18 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Boys’ Singles – 1st Round
Barrett Franks (NZL) v. Carlos Boluda-Purkiss (ESP)
2. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Yulia Putintseva (RUS)[11] v. Vivien Juhaszova (SVK)
3. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Vaidik Munshaw (IND) v. Liang-Chi Huang (TPE)[4]
Chuhan Wang (CHN) Yasutaka Uchiyama (JPN)[4]
4. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Despina Papamichail (GRE) v. Emi Mutaguchi (JPN)
Yulia Putintseva (RUS) Akiko Omae (JPN)
5. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Daria Gavrilova (RUS)[8] v. Vivien Juhaszova (SVK)
Polina Pekhova (BLR)[8] Briar Preston (NZL)

Court 19 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Gabriela Dabrowski (CAN)[4] v. Emi Mutaguchi (JPN)
2. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Tiago Fernandes (BRA) v. Mitchell Frank (USA)[5]
Bruno Semenzato (BRA) Micke Kontinen (FIN)[5]
3. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Timea Babos (HUN)[1] v. Seung-Yeon Hong (KOR)
Gabriela Dabrowski (CAN)[1] Risa Ozaki (JPN)
4. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Barrett Franks (NZL) v. Sam Barry (IRL)
Jaden Grinter (NZL) Ben McLachlan (NZL)
5. Junior Girls’ Doubles – 1st Round
Paula Kania (POL) v. Nour Abbes (TUN)
Anna Arina Marenko (RUS) Ons Jabeur (TUN)

Court 21 11:00 Start Time
1. Junior Girls’ Singles – 1st Round
Despina Papamichail (GRE) v. Ksenia Kirillova (RUS)
2. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Jea Moon Lee (KOR) v. Francis Casey Alcantara (PHI)[8]
Maciej Smola (POL) Guilherme Clezar (BRA)[8]
3. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Matteo Civarolo (ITA) v. Tobias Blomgren (SWE)
Slim Hamza (TUN) Robin Olin (SWE)
4. Junior Boys’ Doubles – 1st Round
Daniel Berta (SWE)[1] v. Justin Eleveld (NED)
Marton Fucsovics (HUN)[1] Jannick Lupescu (NED)

Pic This: Ovary Overload

 

I mean, come on.  That's just unfair, Fer.

He has one of the cutest smiles.  Which is why I hate all his GQ camera posing. 

Love that watch, too.

Pic This: AO Day 4

I mean, really, Aga?  REALLY?

BOOBIES!!!

Who has two thumbs and is adorable?  THIS GUY.

Oh, Daveed.  You try so hard.

Robbie!

Boys and their balls.  Quite a theme so far.

Totally climbing my list. 

"So you come here and you ask me for a favor..."

Yes, Nole.  As a matter of fact I do have tickets to the gun show.

Sunshine in the house.  If she wins a Slam...good Lord the sponsorship blitz...

You and me both, dude.

Ring and a track jacket?  Shabby chic, indeed.

Um, ok.

Someone's looking woooz....

Oh, nevermind.

Boys Lose Too, You Guys.

A day after the Ladies carried all the "upset" headlines, it was the guys' turns to churn out the head scratching results.  The biggest upset was obviously Sods going out to Granola.  But how about Mr. Hopman falling in straight sets, 4 2 and 2?  Or JCF losing to a qualifer, getting 'sticked twice in the process?  Or Jeremy getting bageled?  Odd stuff.

As for the remaining top guys, it was pretty much business as usual for everyone except Fer, who needed four sets to beat Carsten Ball in a really tight match.  I'm going to assume that, much like Nole in 2009, Fer is having to adjust to the use of new equipment: the one size too large sail that is his Adidas shirt.

In the night match of the day (that's...a weird phrase) Richard (or "Ricardo" if you're Mary Carillo) and Misha gave us another epic 5 setter that saw lots of cramping and tremendous shot making.  Seriously, if you like one-handed backhands, this match was a clinic.  Both players were cramping towards the end, particularly Misha, but Ricardo's cramps really set in towards the end of the fifth, allowing Misha to reel off 3 straight games for the win.

And so Ricardo suffers another heartbreaking five-set loss in a Slam when he was two sets up (last year against Gonzo and Wimby 08 against Muzz).  So rough.

[1] R Federer (SUI) d I Andreev (RUS) 46 62 76(2) 60
[3] N Djokovic (SRB) d D Gimeno-Traver (ESP) 75 63 62
[6] N Davydenko (RUS) d [Q] D Kindlmann (GER) 61 60 63
M Granollers (ESP) d [8] R Soderling (SWE) 57 26 64 64 62
[9] F Verdasco (ESP) d [WC] C Ball (AUS) 67(4) 76(1) 75 62
[10] J Tsonga (FRA) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) 63 64 64
[12] G Monfils (FRA) d [Q] M Ebden (AUS) 64 64 64
[14] M Cilic (CRO) d F Santoro (FRA) 75 75 63
S Giraldo (COL) d [16] T Robredo (ESP) 64 62 62
[17] D Ferrer (ESP) d F Gil (POR) 60 60 20 ret. (left knee)
[18] T Haas (GER) d S Greul (GER) 67(5) 64 62 61
[19] S Wawrinka (SUI) d G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 63 63 62
[20] M Youzhny (RUS) d R Gasquet (FRA) 76(9) 46 76(2) 76(4) 64 
[21] T Berdych (CZE) d R Haase (NED) 60 63 63
[22] L Hewitt (AUS) d [Q] R Hocevar (BRA) 61 62 63
[Q] I Dodig (CRO) d [23] J Ferrero (ESP) 26 16 64 61 61
R Schuettler (GER) d [25] S Querrey (USA) 63 26 64 63
[26] N Almagro (ESP) d X Malisse (BEL) 76(12) 64 26 46 86
[27] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d H Zeballos (ARG) 61 75 61
F Serra (FRA) d [28] J Melzer (AUT) 61 67(3) 64 46 63
[29] V Troicki (SRB) d N Lapentti (ECU) 46 63 61 63
[30] J Monaco (ARG) d E Gulbis (LAT) 63 76(5) 61
[31] A Montanes (ESP) d O Hernandez (ESP) 76(5) 22 ret. (lower back)
D Istomin (UZB) d [32] J Chardy (FRA) 62 62 60
[33] J Isner (USA) d A Seppi (ITA) 63 63 36 57 64
M Baghdatis (CYP) d P Lorenzi (ITA) 62 64 64
J Nieminen (FIN) d N Lindahl (AUS) 62 75 64
M Chiudinelli (SUI) d [WC] M Matosevic (AUS) 76(7) 76(3) 46 63
[Q] A Veic (CRO) D Koellerer (AUT) 64 36 67(3) 61 64
M Berrer (GER) d K Vliegen (BEL) 61 62 61
J Benneteau (FRA) d [Q] D Guez (FRA) 06 64 76(4) 76(2)
V Hanescu (ROU) d J Chela (ARG) 64 63 76(2)
S Robert (FRA) d P Starace (ITA) 63 76(2) 76(4)
J Blake (USA) d A Clement (FRA) 75 75 62
[LL] M Ilhan (TUR) d [WC] S Grosjean (FRA) 64 63 75
[Q] I Marchenko (UKR) d C Moya (ESP) 76(2) 75 63
T Dent (USA) d F Fognini (ITA) 61 63 63
I Kunitsyn (RUS) d J Acasuso (ARG) 61 26 64 62
L Lacko (SVK) d L Mayer (ARG) 64 64 60
B Becker (GER) d [Q] G Zemlja (SLO) 76(5) 75 75
T Bellucci (BRA) d T Gabashvili (RUS) 63 75 46 64
L Kubot (POL) d M Zverev (GER) 63 63 63
A Falla (COL) d M Daniel (BRA) 75 63 61
[Q] D Young (USA) d C Rochus (BEL) 16 75 62 64
E Korolev (KAZ) d D Brands (GER) 62 75 75
J Hajek (CZE) d R Ginepri (USA) 76(2) 75 61
J Tipsarevic (SRB) d [WC] R Harrison (USA) 62 64 76(3)
[Q] I Sergeyev (UKR) d D Sela (ISR) 63 76(3) 46 76(8)
S Koubek (AUT) d R Ram (USA) 46 63 57 61 63
F Lopez (ESP) d P Cuevas (URU) 61 64 75
M Gicquel (FRA) d S Bolelli (ITA) 76(2) 76(3) 63
M Llodra (FRA) d M Vassallo Arguello (ARG) 63 75 64
[Q] L Sorensen (IRL) d Y Lu (TPE) 64 36 62 61

While Trying To Avoid Watching Igor Self-Destuct...

  

I played around with the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator.  

• Roger: The Prince of Paramus
• Rafa: Orange Juice
• Nole: The Tricep
• Muzz: A-Train
• A-Rod: Snickers
• Kolya: Juice Springsteen
• Jo: J-Tan
• Fernando: DJ Douchebag
• Marat: The Hands Team
• Serena: The Ashley Simpson of Cape May
• Dina: Pookie
• Masha: The Rack
• Flavs: The Back End
• Sveta: The Tantrum

That was fun.  I'm totally using Juice Springsteen from now on.

This Is...Not a Good Look.

Fer's AO Kit.  Um...oh well.

More pics here.

Donkey Says...Fernando Verdasco

"I'm given to understand that Fer can be a polarizing figure around Forty Deuce land.  To that I say: I don't care.  It's my birthday.  This dude was singlehandedly (and other parts) responsible for the most depraved, filthy, and pornographic dream I've had in recent memory.  It was a tough call to put him as only my penultimate choice.  Some may scoff.  But, put simply and bluntly, I want nothing more than for Nando to blow my back out.  (PS.  He fucked Ana.  HARD.)" --DG

I can vouch for her dream. 

I woke up to a series of very concerned Gchat messages about said depravity.

Here's the thing about Fernando.  There are a lot of tennis players who are hot "for tennis players".  And then there's a small subset of guys who are just plain hot.  Like, hot in a if they walked into a bar you would stop mid-sentence and stare.  Fernando is one of those guys.

I saw him at Indian Wells, during a time where really, I kind of hated him.  And let me just say he smells really good.  And his body?  You cannot not look at it.  More than any other player (and this includes Marat, Janko, and Simone) I would stop and watch Fer practice just to watch his shirtless sweaty body move. 

 

The guy is sex.  He's the sex that you're totally ashamed that you want but you so fucking would. 

On the floor of a dirty bathroom with a bag over your head.  You would.

 

 

That noise you hear?  Yeah, that's DG. 

"Through The Storm We Reach The Shore, You Give It All But I Want More."

This video must be watched.  Feli and Fer are the cutest and most romantic couple in tennis.

Thanks to rafadoc for posting!

Pic This: How Do I Pledge?

Best Frat Ever.

I propose a new Davis Cup/Fed Cup tradition: A Champions Ball.  FUCK YEAH.


The man can wear a suit, that's for sure.

I'm sad he's not carrying his pocket square in his mouth.

JESUS CHRIST, DUDE.

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

"It ain't over. It still ain't over."


NO NO NO NO NO, Daveed! Pants off!

This video can be summed in the following:

Fernando: Hey, a flag, yay!
Feli: You should wear it like a cape.
Fernando: That's lame.
Feli: Fine, I will.
All: OH NOES CHAMPAGNE!!!

Fuck it. Can they just win everything from now on?

The Bullth of Barthelona Thelebrate

Lock up your women, sons, sheep, and lawns, people of Barcelona. 

The boys have won and they're ready to celebrate.

 

There's so much amazing in this pic I don't know where to begin.  SuperFeli to the rescue!

All I can think when I see these two is this.

 

"Me and You and You and Me, no matter how they toss the dice, it's meant to be."

These two are so this I can't even deal.

Is difficult to stay in the right colm, no?

 

"I love that Davis Cup so much...

...I want to take it out behind the school...

...and get it pregnant."

 

Glad these guys made the final.  Hell of a job, Czechies.

Manual Photoshopping, by Fernando Verdasco.  See?  He gets it.

The Teamiest Team To Ever Team

And so Spain clinches the Davis Cup for the second straight year with a 76(7) 75 62 win over Steps and Tomas. 

It was a compete and clean kill for the Spaniards, as Feli's serve was booming and Fernando's forehand was adjective-similar-to-booming-but-I-can't-use-booming-twice-in-one-sentence.

And now, for the celebration pics:

 

I love this pic.  Primarily because it reminded me of this scene in New Moon (shut up.  I'm going to keep bringing it up until it's out of my system).

 

"Dude!  We sold FOUR Big Macs!"

 

"Really?"

"Yes!"

 

"You smell like french fries.  I'll be your hot mustard."

Photobomb.

 

Trust Fall: You're Doing It Wrong.

 

"Is it raining?  I hadn't noticed."

Seriously, dude, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT!

Fer's cute and all, but I cannot stop looking at Feli's amazing receding hairline. 

Like whoa, y'all.

I miss Emilio.

Vamos.

Can't wait for tomorrow's award ceremony.

I Shit You Not.

So FeVer is going to sport Spain's national team kit for football during Davis Cup.  But that's not the story.  He's also going to be wearing personalized mi Adidas shoes that say "Tabasco" on the heel.

No, really.

Here's a preview of his kit:

Team Edward or Team Jacob? You Gotta Choose.

I honestly don't know who I'm rooting for here but I think it's Spain, if for no other reason than that I want Rafa to end his season on a high note.  Speaking of high notes...what's up with Feli's hair?  Or Fer's for that matter.

That said, I'd be totally super duper happy for the Czechs if they win.

Spain comes into Davis Cup severely hobbled, both emotionally and physically.  We all know Rafa's struggling, but Fernando also expended a crapload of energy at in London, and he's now injured.  So much so that Costa has swapped in Daveed for singles, who we last saw withdraw from a match due to a hamstring injury.  That's...disconcerting, though Costa has indicated that Fer might be tapped to play Sunday if needed.  And have I mentioned Feli's hair?

The Czechs on the other hand come in very relaxed and high in confidence.  Well, at least Steps is feeling confident.  He had a great run to end the regular season.  As for Tomas, you never know what you're going to get with him but I have to think he's going to be pretty relaxed here, which is worrisome if you're on Team Spain.  If this tie were played in the Czech Republic, I'd be more worried for Tomas.  But playing away in Spain?  Something tells me the Czechs totally buy into the underdog mentality here.

As per usual in Davis Cup, doubles will be the key here.  Rafa can't do this all himself.  Despite the fact that Dlouhy/Hajek were officially tapped for the Czechs, unless they find themselves up 2-0 after the first day, expect Tomas and Steps to play dubs against Fer/Feli.  I expect it'll be 1-1 after Friday, so whoever wins dubs will clearly be in the driving seat.  

All this is to say, this is going to be a VERY interesting tie.  I am REALLY worried for Spain.

Friday 4 December – Play starts at 1600 (1500 GMT)
Rafael Nadal (ESP) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)

Saturday 5 December – Play starts at 1600 (1500 GMT)
Feliciano Lopez / Fernando Verdasco (ESP) v Lukas Dlouhy / Jan Hajek (CZE)

 
Sunday 6 December – Play starts at 1200 (1100 GMT)
Rafael Nadal (ESP) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)

Little Blue Pills

Tennis Erectile Dysfunction, aka T.E.D: A common men's health problem characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve ejaculation, or both, but like, in a tennis way. Impotence can vary. It can involve a total inability to achieve an erection or ejaculation, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief erections, but like, in a tennis way. Tennis Erectile dysfunction is also called impotence.  But like, in a tennis way.

 

Poor Fer.  He shows not just flashes of brilliance, but good sustained brilliance.  But it seems like even in those cases where he's brilliant for 99% of the match, there will always be *that* double fault.  He wasn't brilliant for 99% today.  But he played well-enough to win, I thought.  But after dropping the second set 5-7, Fer would get 'sticked by this guy:

 

I'm bummed for Fernando.  He had a really good shot of *finally* getting that big scalp that he needed to really legitimate his year.  Think about how many epic amazing, tight matches he's had against the top guys this year.  But other than his win over Muzz at AO, he's always flinched at the end.  You need to get something for that T.E.D., Fer.  It's getting embarrassing for everyone involved.

As for Fed, he's almost guaranteed that he'll end the year at #1.  As I understand it, Fed would have to lose every match from here on out and Rafa would have to run the table and win to get the #1 ranking.  

My feelings can be expressed by both Mirka and Mama Fed:

 

Yup.