Forty Deuce

With Age, Comes Wisdom

Dinara withdraws from Brisbane, citing her back injury. 

I think I speak for the Dina Nation when I say: othankGod.

Nads and I Are Total BFF

The Ladies talk about their guilty food pleasures.  Not surprisingly, no one asked Dinara because we all know the answer already.

Nadia Petrova: Burger and french fries with everything on it, and Coke. At a nicer restaurant though!

Elena Dementieva: Chips. It’s my favorite bad habit. Potato chips and pizza. The chips are simple – just sea salt. I like to keep it as natural as possible

Vera Zvonareva: My mom makes this Napoleon cake a few times a year…

Liezel Huber: Chips. Not fries, but as in chips from the packet!

Cara Black: My favorite bad food is ice cream!

Sabine Lisicki: Ice cream. Italian ice cream!

Vania King: Fried chicken.

Dominika Cibulkova: A Slovakian dish my grandma cooks called Bryndzove Halusky… it’s potato dumplings with cheese and bacon… and it’s unbelievable.

Bethanie Mattek-Sands: Dark chocolate-covered almonds and sweet potato fries… not together, of course!

Aleksandra Wozniak: My indulgence is chocolates.

Caroline Wozniacki: Crêpes with nutella… it’s SO good.

Ana Ivanovic: Pancakes with nutella!

Michaella Krajicek: Porridge with pieces of chocolate in it. I really love it.

Katarina Srebotnik: Chocolate

Dude.  Nads.  Indian Wells.  You.  Me.  In n Out.

Wow.  That sounded really dirty.  Also dirty?  Whatever the heck Domi is talking about. 

Pic This: Mr. Hyde and...Mr. Hyde.

 

Don't worry, folks.  Dina's still alive.

 

Oh, geez.

(Pics from 200 Proof)

Ok, Who Introduced Rausa To YouTube?

Too cute.

Pic This: One More for the Road...

It wouldn't be the end of the WTA season without one more chance to laugh at people for being completely incapable of dressing themselves.  Some of them are getting distressingly (read: boringly) good at it, but you know there'll always be one WTFer in the group.  Or two, or three.

A lot of things about this frighten me.  Mainly that, with the faces upside down, it looks like she's wearing a minidress with a Marilyn Manson print.  Also, the eyes.  Freaky.

 

This looks kind of like a bridesmaid's dress I had to wear once, if you cut the skirt off about three and a half feet from the bottom.

[snicker]

Oh dear.  Someone needs to introduce Bepa to these.

I'm not gonna lie: something about the geranium over her ladybits weirds me out.

I need to know what Lena did that they decided she needed a mug shot.

I totally picture Dinara's closet having a "little black dress" section and a "big pink t-shirt" section and... that's it.

LOLZ.

Dig in, Caro.

But really, learn to cross your legs when you're sitting in a dress, honey.  Your wantonness is making Dina sad.  (Then again, what doesn't?)

Stubbsy!  Oy, Ula, we'll talk later.

And, for the creme de la creme, cherry on the sundae, there is the video.  I watched it like 18 times.  Don't make me start liking you, girls.  You know who you are.

Air Quotes: Beluga BackWatch

"It's under question the beginning of next year.  When I speak to the doctors it doesn't sound so nice. So it's possible that I might not be 100 percent fit for the Australian Open. Maybe I'll have to skip it.  At this stage my health is more important. Until I recover fully, until my back is recovered and I can feel that I have no pain, no fear, then I'll not play.  Definitely there is no surgery. It's just time. This is going to be a very long procedure."

-- Dina, on whether she'll be fit for 2010.

She Came, She Tried, She Failed.

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did.

Dina was forced to retire at 1-1 in the first set against JJ due to a back problem.  In her presser she said she's been suffering with the back injury for three months now and has been on anti-inflamatories and cortisone injections to try and play Doha:

"It's my low back, I have inflammation there in the bone," 23-year-old Safina said. "I've been playing on in pain, on anti-inflammatories, on everything. It's been about three months. My body just gave up. I did everything possible to play here. I went yesterday to put injections, cortisone, but I could not handle this pain any more. I think I should have taken a break after the US Open but I was chasing this number one, so I was fighting with my body. Maybe I had to stop after the US Open."

Tough to say whether she should have stopped after the USO.  I mean, obviously she should have but I'm sure it was a difficult call to make at the time.  More on this on the podcast.

But the upshot is that Serena gets the year-end #1 and JJ is given a match.  I'm sure that works out well for both of them.

Pic This: Ecstasy on Wall

Dina's photoshoot for Harper's Bazaar.

The side "boob" is really what makes this one couture.

Further confirmation that the woman is 84% leg.

My name is Dinara Derevko, you killed my mother, prepare to die.

I have a confession to make.  I may have played around and rotated this picture 90 degrees clockwise. 

And laughed for a very long time.

(Pics from Tennis Forum)

"Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do..."

There is nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, that I don't love about these pics.

The culturally appropriate paparazzo and Dina's inability to fill her dress.

Sveta's Blue Steel.

And how good Sveta looks.  Seriously, look at her!  Air five, left side of Sveta's face!

Where The Wild Things Are

So here we are.  I can't tell if I'm excited for Doha or excited for the season to be over.

That's a lie.  It's the latter.

But it does give us one last chance to get some giggles in as the ladies glam up and strut.

"We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, it'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end"

You know, or not.

"If you can see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along
why can't you seeeeeee, you belong with meeeeeee."

Pretty dress.  But I like my JJ flatironed, thank you very much.

Damn, girl.  I can't even snark on this.

"Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama."

 
"Can you hear me now?  Bet on the *other* girl."

Ok, first, you look great.  Really. 

Second, I will punch you in the face. 

Third, wear a push up bra if you want to get some heft in your chest, not a crooked bow. 

First look at the mirror today, ReRe? 

Looks like the girls did a number on you in your sleep during WTA Sleepover 09. 

Word of advice?  Never go to sleep before Sveta.  Never.

Oh Dear Holy Jesus

Are you fucking kidding me?  Guess who's going to be #1 the week of YEC??

 

Yeah, me too.

Last year's YEC points will come off the Monday of this year's YEC, so Dinara will be 155 points ahead of Serena and back in #1.  Luckily, Round Robin match wins are worth 160 points, so it won't last long.  Maybe I'll take a "one more for the road" attitude towards this.  It was, uh, fun while it lasted?

Thanks, Dina!

Well, Coco did her part.

Not only did she lose yet another tight match, her conqueror, Zhang Shuai now overtakes Julie Coin as the lowest ranked player (#226) to ever beat a world #1.  Thanks, Ana's Avenger.

Dina's tired.  She said as much after the match.  She wants a break.  Too bad she's still gotta keep trucking.

So with Dina's loss, Serena just has to beat Makarova to get #1.

"Bitches In Tokyo"

This week, I threaten to beat up Victoria, we break down the ever complex Dinara/Zeljko situation, give props to Maria Sharapova, ignore the ATP, touch on the Olympics, and we all talk about the best and worst matches we've ever watched.

Oh, also?  Katie rules.

FD Podcast #5: Everything Is Average Nowadays 10/1/09

And if you missed it, my drunken tweeting after the jump:

Double The Crazy, Double The Fun

Dina and Kuz are teaming up in Bejing and they won their first match 60 60.

And trust.  They are bringing both the badassery...

 

...and the soft lips.

Together they're unbeatable.  At least as of today.  Sveta beat Jay-Z in straights and Dina actually won a match.  Bring on the revolution!

Pic This: Around Beijing

Big Sasha!

Sigh....

Here's the thing.  For the longest time all the stories coming out about Ivo were about how fucking shy he was.  Yet all that I can remember of him for the past year is booty slapping dances, explicit rapping, and pics like this.  Shy people don't do that shit, yo.

 

Love her.

 

Pinky.

 

In Mother Russia, pink wears you.

Pic This: "So Do You Guys Want To Carpool?"

 

Apparently Sony Ericsson phones are bad luck.

 

Like really bad luck.

But that doesn't stop Bepa from rocking the shit out of hers:

"Hey, Vera, whatcha doin?"

"Nothing. Just arranging some aid to Manila.  No big deal."

UPDATED: Overqualified.

I was in D.C. all weekend without any internet access.  And let's just say I'm not entirely sad about that.  Glad to see I missed the carnage:

(Q) Chang Kai-Chen (TPE) d. (1/WC) Dinara Safina (RUS) 76(5) 46 75


(Q) Andrea Petkovic (GER) d. (5) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 75 46 63

(Q) Katareyna Bondarenko (UKR) d. (3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) 62 67 61

(Q) Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) d. (2) Venus Williams (USA) 76(6) 75

Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. (6) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 36 64 62

Roberta Vinci (ITA) d. (9) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 61 62

Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. (10) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 64 76(1)

Also, Rybarakova just beat Nads and Maria's on her way to bagel and 'sticking Sam.  And we know how Sam feels about 'sticking.  Not a fan, methinks.

So it's absolute Bedlam in Tokyo as the top seeds are falling left and right in the first two rounds (as of this post, JJ, A-Rad, and Caro still have to play their 2R matches).

[UPDATE: Caro retires down 05 to CanWoz. So the top 6 seeds are out after their first matches.]

I don't have much to say quite yet.  I need some time to process it all.  But I have a feeling Billy Shakes was a WTA fan back in the day:

She should have died hereafter ;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time ;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Pic This: Tall Chicks and Asians

Well that pretty much sums things up, don't it?

Things I love about this picture.  I love Ai's dress.  A lot.  I love that Dina is over 6'2'' and yet she's wearing platform heels.  In a picture.  In Asia.  I love that Vee didn't even bother moisturizing her legs.  I love that Ayumi Morita has a job interview lined up.

Don't Worry, Dinara, It'll All Be Over Soon.

The WTA has confirmed that if Serena makes the final she'll become #1 a week after the Open. 

I find it a little odd that I read this yesterday, yet James Martin, Editor in Chief of Tennis Magazine just tweeted this: "If Serena wins the Open, she'll still be ranked No. 2. Can someone explain this to me?"

And The Mockery Continues

And so Coconut leaves North America with no titles, no respect, and no solace.  You know that monkey she and Marat had when they were kids?  It must be the same one that has set up shop right on her back.

I was little tipsy last night when I got home so I haven't watched the match yet.  But Kvitova has always been a dangerous player in my mind.  She's Kleyb-like insofar as when she's on, she can hit some crazy angles with flat hitting.  She was able to fight off match point in the third set, though let's face it, with Dina, "fighting off match point" basically means putting the ball in the middle of the court and waiting for her to freak out.

With Maria, Dina, Lena, and JJ out of the tournament, that half of the draw is COMPLETELY wide-open.  One of these players will make the final: Kvitova, Wickmayer, Dulko, Oudin, K-Bond, Nads, Kuz, or Boots.

Hard Court Ecstasy

Second verse, same as the first. 

Drops the first in a tight breaker, only to come back and take the next two sets over Barrios.  I'm assuming that she played like shit again, because if you watch ESPN that's pretty much all you know about her.  Anyway, good on the kid for fighting and surviving.  Unlike some people....

 

She's like a famous porn star or something.

Air Quotes: And Marat Makes Me Cry

From his post-match presser:

Well, everybody is hard on her why she's No. 1. You have this contest issue, is she a real No. 1 or not? You open the page, she made eight double faults, 43 unforced errors. She struggled, almost lost to 18 years old.

Who cares? I mean, she's No. 1 in the world. I have to protect my sister. The poor girl, she's trying her best. She's doing really well. She gets the attention, but not the kind of attention that a person deserves, especially when you're No. 1 in the world.

Everybody is giving her hard time about, Are you really No. 1 in the world? Yes, yes, she's really No. 1 in the world. Go check on the ranking. She didn't do the ranking.

Apparently there is some guy who made the ranking. On this ranking, she's No. 1 in the world. Serena, she didn't say even though she won two Grand Slams this year, she's No. 2. Sorry, but that's the way. Deal with that.

I'm just personally, I'm really like, I have to protect her. I feel like she deserve a little bit more than what she's getting right now. I think she's playing you can't imagine how crazy she is about sport. I don't think there is one person in the world who is more professional than her.  Everybody is like hitting on her and giving her a hard time about this, how many, what happened to this serve, what happened this, what happened with that? Leave her alone. Give her a little bit less questions. So it's just all to you guys. Make her happy. That's it.

Air Quotes: Me, Myself, and I

I don't care if the kid wins the whole thing or not.  I just don't want her losing because then there would be no more awesome pressers.  And the kid gives good presser.

Q. How did you feel when you looked over at your coach at times in the match presumably for support, and he had very negative body language?
DINARA SAFINA: Well, I guess I had to think what I'm doing wrong that he's so negative. (laughter.)

Q. Do you respond more to a negative approach or a positive?
DINARA SAFINA: We'll skip this answer.

...

Q. You've talked about it being a dream of yours for a long time to be the No. 1 player in the world, which you are, and also a dream to win a Grand Slam. What did you think about both of those things as this match was maybe, say, in the second set?
DINARA SAFINA: Well, if I would lose a match, it would be I lost to myself, you know. It's me, myself, and I playing on the court. (laughter.)

...

Q. Some other players and your countrywomen, Svetlana or Myskina have won Grand Slams, but not achieved as much as you have in the rankings. How do you rationalize that, or how do you feel about that, that discrepancy?
DINARA SAFINA: Well, I mean, Sveta was No. 2 in the world, and last year was also No. 2 in the world. They were close to get to No. 1.
I don't know. Now that I'm No. 1, I want a Grand Slam. There is no doubt for me. Like this is what is missing for me. I would like to win.
But I don't want to say like it has to happen. I know that I will work until the end of my career hard. When it's going to happen, I don't know. But I'm sure it will happen, because I've been very close to winning. I been in the three finals, so just one step. Sooner or later, I will have to make it.

...

Q. A lot of observers say that sometimes when a player has a really tough scare, when she's almost out of the tournament, sometimes that helps the player go on. Do you think that could be the case in this tournament?
DINARA SAFINA: I would take it like this, yeah. (laughter.)
Because in the French Open, I won all the matches 6 Love, 61. Did it help? Not really. So I mean, definitely it happens like this, like you pull the match somehow, like God knows. Like, I mean, God knows how I pulled it out. Not me. (laughter.)

...

Q. Do you have any advice from your brother inside your head?
DINARA SAFINA: No. Sometimes it's not easy to understand him. (laughter.)

CocoNutty

It's always something with you.  It can never be easy.

Dina struggled against Rogowska, an Australian teen who's never faced a top 30 player and whose biggest win was over MaKiri.  All credit to Rogowska for showing glimpses of promise, but really, this was about Dina's inability to get out of her head and just play the game.  She played like absolute crap and couldn't get three consecutive shots in to save her life.  And really, if she was playing anyone other than Rogowska today, she probably would have lost.  Rogowska just didn't have the fitness or the tactics to stick with her.

After the match ESPN ripped on Mr. Cranky Pants, blaming him for not providing her any positive support when she needs it.  Uh...and this is news how?

Air Quotes: Can Z Just Take This Guy Behind The Dumpsters?

Q. Now, earlier you said that you don’t set the rankings. That was your reaction to what Serena Williams said. But what were your thoughts about the fact that she did make those statements?

DINARA SAFINA: I don’t care. I don’t care. Really.

The Return of The Mack

I guess Sunday was a day for reemergence.  Nole popped up out of nowhere and so did Dejan.  I so confused.  But it seemed to put Team Pinky in a darn good mood.

 

Girl, give those bike shorts back to Lena.  They do not work.  Ever.  Even Z looks confused.

 

Man.  Sveta *really* likes those shorts from the company that no longer sponsors her, huh?

Sven is looking particularly adorable in New York.  Hair cut?  Weight loss?  Ditching the uncomforably bright Adidas tops?  Who knows.  But as Sodapop wrote, "Sven and the camera are BFFs."  Indeed.

And before I forget:  SQUEE!!!!  Sania!

 

And look who else is back!  Richie Rich hit the courts for a hit, though it looks like he and Pamela had a rockin' wet t-shirt party right before.  Some never learn.  

And the rest of the French buffet.  

(Pics courtesy of Sodapop)

Pic This: The Not #1s

Dina and Rafa hold court during their pre-tourney pressers.

Jesus, woman.  Has someone been accessorizing via HSN?

 

I *love* the haircut.  Love it.

Sunday Stalker Roundup

 
First of all, I want that cup.  Specifically I want what's in the cup.  But I'm not particular.

In pretty awesome news, we've got some FDers on the ground in NYC and lucky for me they've been extremely forthcoming with their pics and anecdotes.  So here we go:

    

Well, well, well, look who decided to show up.  The Falcon has been pretty MIA during the off-week before the USO.  No promo appearances, no interviews, no...nothing. 

But he hit the practice courts yesterday and we actually have pictorial evidence. 

Well done Sabrina and Amanda!

And if you wanted shade, where else would you go than the Grandstand where Big Ol' Sam and Halpert were practicing.

Um...yeah, no one has any answers for that hat.  NO ONE.

Thanks again to Sabrina and Amanda for these pics.

As for Sodapop and Carrie...

Carrie:

 

Sodapop:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get some sleep, ladies.  Tomorrow's going to be a long one.  I mean, *surely* you bought night session tix for Williams/Roddick, no?

 

"You have no new messages."

Pikachewy was on hand yesterday for qualies and he just happened to wander by some outside practice courts where a little pink Coconut was having a hit...

with her coach...

 

...and hanging out with her brother:

Per Pikachewy:

in the photos, Marat was resting, perhaps having just practiced. his sister was next up, and she and z then opened some cans (well, z did) and they began hitting with each other.  everyone in this camp was jovial and in great spirits on this sunny day. 

Nice!

 

Dina checking Serena's latest tweet.

I love this pic.  It's just so...right.

Thanks again for Pikachewy for sending these along!  Given all the skewed press coverage over the past few days, I was beginning to forget Dina was even here.

Air Quotes: Gold. Pure Gold.

Q. How disappointed are you right now?
DINARA SAFINA: Disaster. I'm really disappointed, but you know, big tournament is coming up in two weeks, so basically it's tough to forget now, but hopefully tomorrow will be better and get ready for the US Open.

Q. What happened with your serve today?
DINARA SAFINA: It's not the serve. It's just my brain. I know exactly what I have to do, but if I'm not using my brain, I'm not doing the things that my coach is telling me. Just too bad from my side and too disappointed with myself.
...

Q. You called your coach down before the third set and then halfway through the third set. What were you asking him to help you with?
DINARA SAFINA: How he can help me if I'm not doing anything. I have a game plan, I step on the court, and I do completely the opposite thing. 
Just for strategy even he left the court, because he says, It makes no sense that I'm sitting there, because you don't do the things. So better lose and do your things. At least you are moving forward. But when I'm telling you one thing and you do completely the opposite thing and you're losing, you're just moving backwards.

And As Pinky and the Brain Do Every Week, They Fail.

One day after Venus fell in straight sets to K-Bond, well, all fucking hell breaks lose.  Dinara, the Oracle that she is, foreshadowed her loss to Rezai last week during her post-match interview with Rezai.  What seemed like a random funny would prove creepily true as Rezai took her out in three sets.  The highlight/lowlight of the match?  Zeljko deciding he had had enough and leaving the court for good in the third set.  Oh, and somehow, Dina would still get a coaching violation from the chair.  It's always something with the Coconut.

The next big name to fall on Wednesday was Flavia, who played like crap apparently in her loss to The Gypsy.  Then Caro, who is officially in a slump going into the USO, lost to the always dangerous Jay Z in straight sets.  

The Kimpossible Comeback Train chugs on in Toronto, as Kim scored her most impressive victory so far, taking out Vika 75 46 61.  

Yet another three set loss from Vika who just seems to go away or get dominated in third sets.  Very peculiar from a kid, though I might not like her, seems to have a great competitive streak and be in good shape.  I went back to check her results since Madrid:

• Lost to JJ in Cincy 75 76(4)
• Lost to Pova in Cincy 67(4) 64 62 
• Lost to Serena at Wimby 62 63 
• Lost to Dina at RG 16 64 62 
• Lost to Szavay at Madrid 46 62 62

Peculiar, no?  I really don't know what happens to her in those three setters.

So how else to cap off a spectacularly craptastic day then to watch Ana play solidly (in fact, play *well*) for a set and a half to Lucie, only come back to see that she's been blown off the court in three sets.  I mean, honestly, a loss to Lucie isn't something to lose that much sleep over.  The woman has weapons and from what I can tell, even in the first set, she was on, swinging freely and hitting crazy angles.  Hopefully Ana can take something positive from her early level of play.  I wonder if she'll take a WC into New Haven.  She really really should and I'm sure they'll have a bunch of players withdraw (Sam and Flavs, for example).

Singles – Second Round
Aravane Rezai (FRA) d. (1) Dinara Safina (RUS) 36 62 64
(2) Serena Williams (USA) d. (Q) Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) 63 62
(4) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 63 62
(5) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Patty Schnyder (SUI) 75 64
(7) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. (Q) Roberta Vinci (ITA) 63 63
Zheng Jie (CHN) d. (8) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) 75 63
(WC) Kim Clijsters (BEL) d. (9) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) 75 46 61
(Q) Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. (11) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 36 75 63
Virginie Razzano (FRA) d. (12) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 63 61
(14) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Agnes Szavay (HUN) 61 61
Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. (16) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 61 46 76(4)
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. (Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 63 60
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. Sybille Bammer (AUT) 63 76(5)
Shahar Peer (ISR) d. Francesca Schiavone (ITA) 76(2) 64

Doubles – Second Round
(1) Black/Huber (ZIM/USA) d. Kirilenko/Vesnina (RUS/RUS) 64 75
(4) Hantuchova/Sugiyama (SVK/JPN) d. A.Radwanska/Wozniacki (POL/DEN) 64 62
Amanmuradova/Kudryavtseva (UZB/RUS) d. (5) Hsieh/Peng (TPE/CHN) 46 76(2) 105
(6) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. (WC) Kuznetsova/Mauresmo (RUS/FRA) 63 60
Kleybanova/Makarova (RUS/RUS) d. Jans/Rosolska (POL/POL) 76(5) 63

Doubles – First Round
Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova (CZE/CZE) d. Dulko/Peer (ARG/ISR) 61 46 100
Hradecka/Voskoboeva (CZE/KAZ) d. Bondarenko/Bondarenko (UKR/UKR) 61 46 108

"What Do You Want To Do Today, Brain?" "Same Thing We Do Every Day, Pinky -- Try And Take Over The World."

Ahem.

Pinky and the Brain hitting the practice courts in Toronto.


Well, Pinky hit the practice courts.

Brain just hung out in the shade and carried a racquet around to look official.  But come on, dude.  At least make the effort to tie your goddamn shoes.

(Pics from Sodapop)

Pic This: I Will Say This, Adidas Makes A Damn High Quality Shirt.

Looks like Sodapop and Carrie finally got their Dina autographs.  Great job, ladies!


Brodie got one too!

 

"I want one."

All Headcase Hour

 

The top ladies looked lovely (well, most of them) for their SEWTA Tour All Access Hour appearances.  I haven't heard any reports of anyone leaving in tears so it sounds like a success.


Girl, you might want to get those nails checked out. I think you might be going into kidney failure.


The face of peace.  Well, not in her head, but you know, in the world.  Generally.


"How many times I have to say?  I didn't make the rankings."


"Will you please excuse me?  I have to go change.  Be right back."


This pic looks straight out of the 80's. 


Good Lord, JJ.  For all the money you've spent on "deviated septums" and whatnot, shell out a few bucks for those eye bags, woman.


I love Venus.  Always the face of calm.  And after being subjected to Serena on Twitter for two months now, I can see why Venus had to develop her Zen skills ASAP.


"I didn't make it.  I just go and I play and the ranking is what it is.  Why you all not listening?  Vera!  Vera!  Talk to them.  I go to room now to play with coconut."

The Battle of Faux #1s

She's baaaaack...


Maybe.

Terrific performance from JJ today, who secured her biggest win and title of the year, demolishing Dina, 64 62 in Cincy.  She dictated play from the first point and really took it to Dina, who seemed completely confused as to what the hell was going on. 

 
You and me both, Dina.  You and me both.

With the win, JJ ties Flavia for the lead in the USO Series.  Here's hoping she can back it up next week in Toronto.  As for Dina, word on the street is that she was in good spirits in her presser and after the match.  Take a nap, hop on a plane, have a bit of chocolate, and go get 'em in Toronto, Coconut.

Happy Coconut

Adorably demonstrative. Also, Rezai. Who knew?

Air Quotes: Belgian Love

Q. How far do you think she can go in her comeback?
DINARA SAFINA: Very far. It's the first tournament, and she beat already Bartoli who just won a tournament. She beat Svetlana who been in a good shape. I think she just need a few more tournaments to get the match rhythm, to get the tournament rhythm. That's all.
I mean, the game she has, and with picking up more tournaments, she will raise her level. Still maybe she doesn't know how we changed. After two years, she doesn't know how we hit the ball.
So play more times and practice more times with us. I mean, just give her three months and she'll be back.

Q. I remember that you played the last match against Justine Henin before she stopped. Now first match Kim coming back.
DINARA SAFINA: Okay, so next it's gonna be Justine coming back. (Laughter.)

Q. First you stop the comeback story of Kim.
DINARA SAFINA: Now I have to make Justine come back.

Q. Maybe.
DINARA SAFINA: I would love her to come back. For me, she was the greatest player. I really admire her. I was looking up to her a lot because of what she managed to do, how hard worker she was, and how mentally tough she was. I'm just -- I don't know, I really respect Justine a lot, and I love her game a lot.

Oh, Flavi, No...

Well the streaking Flavs ran into a brick wall today...


And her name...is Coconut.

Dina blasted Flavs off the court with a 62 60 win.  Now mind you, Dina had a 6-0 H2H against Flavia going into the match, so the result isn't surprising.  But wow, that was one of the cleanest matches I've seen Dina play all year.  Clean hitting combined with a clearly fatigued Flavs equals 2 and 0.  Dina advances to her 9th final of the year.

Coconuts, bagels, and kisses for all!

Pic This: And Dinara Loses Yet Another Friend...

"Yeah, kid, whatever.  See you in New York, choker."

Kim's Comeback Hits A Speedbump.

And her name is Coconut.

Quite a performance by Dina today in a match that, let's face it, a lot of us Dina fans were prepared to watch her lose and get yelled at by Z.  But it didn't happen.  Sure Kim had her chances, breaking early in each set and actually having a 2-0 lead in the first (before Dina would reel off the next 6 games) and a 4-1 lead in the second.

But Dina showed off that newfound "mental fortitude" and "speed" (snicker!) to claw her way back into the match and take in straight sets, 62 75.

I really felt that Kim held her own against Dinara, though at the end of the day she couldn't handle Dina's pace.  But if she shakes off that rust and these two meet again either next week or in NYC,  we could have a real match on our hands.

Air Quotes: Inspiring Conquerors Everywhere

Q. You could face the world No. 1, Dinara Safina next. Have you put any thought into your next match and what it might be like to face her?

KIM CLIJSTERS: Dinara, like I said a few days ago in I think my first press conference here, I think she’s had the biggest impact on me when I was off, when I was not playing. I think I saw her obviously a few years ago, and I played her a couple times, I think.

She was also a girl who could hit the ball really well and had a good serve, but wasn’t the best mover out there and wasn’t the fittest girl. To look at her now, you can tell she’s in really good shape and that she’s worked on a lot of things, and also mentally I think she’s improved a lot.

Those were, I think — she was the biggest — to me, she had — yeah, I noticed her change the most out of any other player out there. It’s going to be tough. I mean, she’s had very consistent results.

And, yeah, I think she was always a girl who could hit the ball really deep and mix it up a little bit, good serve, comes in, good volleys. The movement was lacking, and now that she’s fitter and has lost some weight, I think that has helped her a lot, I think, on this part that was missing in the past.

#1s Through

Fed and Dina came through fairly easily in their third round matches.  Fed took care of Charlie Brown, 63 76(5), though Stan had his chances in the second set and couldn't capitalize. 

As for Dina, she took out Peng easily while wearing China red.  Who says the Russians don't have a sense of humor?

I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts...

Coconut 1, Dinara 0:

Q. I saw a strapping on your hand. Is everything okay with your hand, or is that for protection?
DINARA SAFINA: It's since Los Angeles. I would say I lost a bet with a coconut. I was trying to open a coconut, and actually didn't open very good because the knife slipped and it went straight into my hand.
So it was pretty deep. Actually, I was lucky that I was able to play in Los Angeles, because until the day before the tournament I didn't hit any backhands. There was no chance I could hit any backhand.
The day before the match I was like, Okay, I at least have to try to hit some backhands. I didn't get to play any points, anything. Just standing in the forehand corner the whole time and serving. That's the only thing that I could do.
It's better, but I was also lucky that I didn't touch any ligament. It was very deep. They didn't put the stitches because the doctor was not there on site. Now it's okay.

Q. What happened to the coconut?
DINARA SAFINA: Went straight into the garbage. When I saw in the morning the coach I was like, Don't get angry at me. You say you would not get pissed. I said, Look at -- I showed my hand, and he's like, Go straight to the physio.
Yeah, because in quarters during the match I hit my leg, so next day also couldn't do anything because it's like stress fracture. He's like, Can you just don't do anything anymore?

And on Marat's comments:

Q. After Marat's match last night, he had some harsh words for the critics that you have. I don't know if you heard what he had to stay, but how do you feel about that?
DINARA SAFINA: My brother said something?

Q. Yeah.
DINARA SAFINA: I didn't hear anything.

Q. I don't want to repeat the words he used.
THE MODERATOR: He was defending you and saying you were a very hard worker. Harder than him.
DINARA SAFINA: I am a harder worker, harder than him. My brother and me, we're 360 degrees opposite. I guess guys is also different. He can spend one hour a day on the court and he's fine.
Me, I need to spend six hours a day on the court to feel good. Completely different personalities. I'm more like at home staying. I don't go anywhere. I go like dinner.
Completely different personalities. He's laughing at me, but he's except accepting it now.

Q. What do you say to those that criticize you?
DINARA SAFINA: I just don't care. I am where I am. This is the ranking. I'm No. 1 in the world. What else I need to be? I don't do the ranking system. I am where I am and I played the whole year. It's about how you play the whole year. The ranking doesn't lie, so...

Again with the math fail.  180, people. 180!

Oh, I Hope You Know What You're In For, Pops.

That is a true fan.  She's wearing the Olympic kit and showing off her belly and everything.  Good on you, Papa.  He's even rockin the Krajan hair.

 

Dina needed all the help she could get to scrape by Roberta Vinci today.  She dropped the first 26 and then had to battle back from breaks down in the second and third set, before breaking for the win, 26 75 64.  Looks like the serve was pretty wonktastic, as she threw in 10 double faults.

Dina's not the only one who had to grind out a win.  It took Sorana 75 75 to beat Meghan Shaughnnessy (she's still playing?), Dani had to come back from a set down to beat Errani, And Agnes needed 5 and 5 to take out the always riveting Ula.

You know who didn't have to work too hard for a win?  Shuai Peng.  She dumped out Domi at 2 and 1.  Hee.

And in other upset news, Nads "R-r-r-ruffles have R-r-r-ridges" bowed out to A-Bond.

The Italian Job

Anatomy of a heist:

First you need an idea man.  The one who's courage, imagination and ability to think outside of the box and problem solve inspires a team of rag tag disorganized misfits.  That idea man, or woman, was a person we'll just call...Tracy (alias used to protect identity).  Tracy was heartbroken on Thursday night after watching Dina give up a 4-2 lead in the third to lose to Jay-Z.  In her despondency she wandered aimlessly around the Home Depot Center until she something caught her eye:

Someone was keeping Dinara hostage at the Home Depot Center, tying her up with plastic ties and strangling her with mylar balloons!!! 

Well like any proper criminal with a heart of gold, Tracy could not let this injustice stand.  But she knew she couldn't liberate Dinara on her own.  She would need help.  And thus she recruited another criminal with a heart of gold, with whom she had worked with previously in a number of smuggling and breaking and entering ventures.

And thus the plan was put in motion.  Tracy knew that the operation needed the cover of night, so Sunday's final session was out of the question.  There was no way we could sneak that thing out in broad daylight.  It had to be Saturday night.

Portoroz: The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

"And what I need is chocolate. Preferably with the peanuts."

"He's Such a Copycat."

A few of you have written inquiring as to when the next installment of the Forty Deuce podcast would be up.  Here's the deal: It is SUPER awkward to do a podcast by yourself.  And with my partner in crime (heh), Love All, off at an undisclosed location for much of this year, I've had to shelve the podcasts.  Unfortunately my dog has very little to say about tennis.

But you can't say that I don't listen so here's the next installment, wherein I've roped in Forty Deuce regulars Sodapop, Carrie, and Victoria, to talk about everything from my general apathy towards Ana's losses, illegal immigration, and Stan's second fiddle, to how badly the WTA marketing department has failed, our love for tennis umpires, and the intimate details contained in Sodapop's diary.  You'll have to excuse any technical issues.  I'm still trying to master it all.  But I'll get it all worked out and I can promise your tech savvy and topically focused p-casts in the future.

I'm warning you, it's a long one and very WTA heavy.  Perfect for sitting in traffic while you're on your way to wherever you don't want to be.

Download Here.

Well...Shit.

Of course.  Of course I would book my flight, hotel, and car for LA and of course Ana and Dinara would lose.  OF COURSE.

Dina fell to Jay-Z in three, 75 46 64.  Of course no one could possibly offer any insight to this match because it wasn't broadcast anywhere.  But from what I can tell from the livescore, it all came down to 1st serve points won.  Dina only won 58% of her first serve points compared to Jay-Z's 63%.  Even crazier?  Jay-Z won 42% of her 1st serve return points, compared to 37% for Dina.  Dina's one of the biggest servers on tour so if tiny Jay-Z is outplaying her on first serve points, you know we have trouble in paradise.

In other crap news, Boom Boom had to retire from her match against Sorana with a bum shoulder.  Not that I was rooting for her against Sorana, but I would have liked to have seen those two play this one through.  And by "see" I mean "stare at livescore".

But again, it's important to focus on the positives.  Masha came back to beat A-Bond in three sets, Bepa, Sam, and Flavs are still in the tournament, and A-Rad is still in there mixing it up.

But if Championship Sunday ends up with an all Polish final, I'm am going to crack some heads.

Oh, and did I mention Dani and Ai lost their dubs match?  In fact, both of the top seeded dubs teams fell today.

Pfft.

Here are today's scores:
Singles - Third Round
(14) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. (1) Dinara Safina (RUS) 75 46 64
(2) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) 76(5) 46 64
(10) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (5) Nadia Petrova (RUS) 63 63
(13) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. (6) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 63 62
(8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 63 62
Urszula Radwanska (POL) d. (12) Li Na (CHN) w/o (right knee injury)
Sorana Cirstea (ROU) d. (17) Sabine Lisicki (GER) 63 10 ret. (shoulder injury)
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. Alona Bondarenko (UKR) 46 60 63

Doubles - Quarterfinals
Kirilenko/A.Radwanska (RUS/POL) d. (1) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) 63 76(3)
Chuang/Yan (TPE/CHN) d. (2) Hantuchova/Sugiyama (SVK/JPN) 16 63 107
(4) Hsieh/Peng (TPE/CHN) vs. A.Bondarenko/Vesnina (UKR/RUS) w/o (Vesnina: low back strain)
King/Niculescu (USA/ROU) d. Garbin/Schiavone (ITA/ITA) w/o (Schiavone: right hamstring strain)

Can We Leave The 'Coon Eyes Home This Time?

Congrats to Dina.  She became the first player to qualify for the YECs in Doha.  How crazy is that last year, the first two to qualify were Ana and JJ?  Oh, tennis, you fickle whore.

On Guts Alone

Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Or something to that effect.

How ridiculous is it that this match was nowhere to be found on TV or streams?  Maria battled back after dropping a very tight first set to beat #3 seed Vicky, 6-7 (4), 6-4, 6-2.  Vicks Vaporub said after the match that she was rusty from not playing since SW19.  Probably true.  But Masha showed again why she's awesome: She can gut out matches like this where she's playing like crap and simply beat you on will alone.  You go, girl.

In early action, Ana has taken back her Adilibria gear and Dina is once again back to her asexual Competition kit.  And her hand is all taped up, which is odd. 

But she beat a taped up Dani pretty easily 62 64.

Love Flavia's new Sergio kit.  Also love that she's winning.  She beat Coco Vandeweghe 2 and 4.

Singles - Second Round
(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 62 64
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (3) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) 67(4) 64 62
(5) Nadia Petrova (RUS) d. Shahar Peer (ISR) 64 26 63
Urszula Radwanska (POL) d. (7) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 64 67(6) 64
(8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 62 61
(10) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (WC) Coco Vandeweghe (USA) 62 64
(12) Li Na (CHN) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 46 64 62
(13) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 62 64
(14) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. Elena Vesnina (RUS) 64 46 60
(17) Sabine Lisicki (GER) d. Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 61 64
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Lucie Safarova (CZE) 57 64 75
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 63 36 61
Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (Q) Jill Craybas (USA) 76(2) 61

Doubles - First Round
(1) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. Ruano Pascual/Zheng (ESP/CHN) 64 64
King/Niculescu (USA/ROU) d. (3) Pennetta/Raymond (ITA/USA) 75 63
(4) Hsieh/Peng (TPE/CHN) d. Poutchek/Savchuk (BLR/UKR) 62 63
Kirilenko/A.Radwanska (RUS/POL) d. Kudryavtseva/Rodionova (RUS/RUS) 62 46 104