Forty Deuce

Pic This: You Like What You See?

Suck it.

Vamos!

 

The Rafa-less Armada is in France awaiting their Davis Cup tie.  I don't think they have tennis on the brain quite yet.

So cute.  Tip of the cap to you, Spain.  You were the better team.

No word on whether Rafa's going to hop a plane for the final.  But you'd be an idiot to bet against it.  It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.  That said, it'd be kind of a dick move considering the rest of the Armada can't go and the only reason Rafa could go is that he's skipping the tie.

(Pics here.)

"Out Out, Brief Candle..."

So this is news.

Justine suffered a tear in her elbow in her match against Kim and is out for the next few months.  So no JuJu at the US Open.  She'll also be replaced by Serena in that Best of Belgium exo thingamabob.

Also out for the next two months with a knee injury?  Jo.  Sadz. 

This leaves France without both Jo and Rick in their Davis Cup tie against the Rafa-less but oh so tanned and beachy Armada.

There Was Davis Cup This Weekend.

And this is the only thing you need.  Forza Ho!Yay!

Pic This: Who Needs Rafa, Feli, or Fer?

You know how "they" say Red Bull gives you wings? 

Well playing for Spain gives Tommy wings. 

Too cute.

Aw.  Tommy's a nuzzler.

Marcel farted.  Busted.

What the hell is Costa doing?

Platinum medal in team celebrations, Espana.

While I Was Busy Stuffing My Face at Olive Garden...

Davis Cup once again did not disappoint.  There was drama, there was passion, and there was national pride.  But most importantly there were hot sweaty dudes rubbing up on each other.  Like all over the world.  On behalf of all the women in the world who are currently celebrating Woman's Herstory Month (see what I did there?), I say "thank you."

Spain v Switzerland 4 - 1

A blockbuster tie on paper, except that, well, it wasn't really.  Spain played without Rafa, Fer, Feli, and JCF, and Switzerland claimed they were short a player.  I don't know what they're talking about but the Switz were heaping their hopes on the spittle-strewn shoulders of newly daddied Stan.

In the end it was a true team effort as Daveed won his first rubber, Marcel and Tommy teamed up to take the doubles, and Daveed came back on Sunday to take his second rubber.  Vamos, Spain. 

France v Germany 4 - 1

Look at that.  That is the definition of teamy.  All the Frenchies were on hand to support each other as France demolished Germany 4-1, clinching the tie with the doubles win on Saturday.  Ok, not all the Frenchies were there.  But I don't think Guy wanted Jeremy's bad mojo anyway, so thanks for staying away, Jerms.

Russia v India 3 - 2

Russia's into the quarters over India as Mischa clinched it in the fourth rubber.  Tough couple of days for Somdev, who couldn't convert either of his matches.  That was a pretty monumental task anyway.

Sweden v Argentina 2 - 3

Well done to you, Argies and welcome back Nalby!  What a way to make a splash.  Dude saved the Baby Blues by helping with the doubles win and then winning the decisive 5th tie.  Thank god he did.  I'd much rather see Nalby/Elf in the DC quarters than Sod and his merry band of Swedes.

Croatia v Ecuador 5 - 0

Complete mismatch, really.  Marin and Ivo vs. The Brothers Lappentti in Croatia?  Move along, Croats.

Serbia v United States 3 - 2

Way to make it interesting, guys.  One of the BryBros gets food poisoning from some chicken curry, has to pull out of doubles, eyebrows are raised, and then Nole and Halpert play a 4+ hour five setter, which Nole wins to clinch the tie.  Huge win for Nole and the Serbs, but for me, the star of this tie was Johnny Isner.  In his first DC tie the kid jumps in to play doubles with the non-tummy-afflicted BryBro to beat Nenad and Janko.  Then he comes back the next day and battles on clay, his worst surface, in front of a hostile crowd to force the world #2 into a five setter that Nole narrowly wins, 6-4.

So yes, congrats to Serbia.  Seriously, you know how stoked I am for you guys.  But can I please get a standing slow-clap for Halpert?  He showed so much heart this weekend.

Belgium v Czech Republic 1 - 4

This one goes into the Croatia/Ecuador category.  Moving on.

Chile v Israel 2 - 1

This one's still going with Chile one win away from clinching the tie after they dropped the doubles today.  Go get it, Gonzo.  And God bless.

Bring It, Sausages

Davis Cup draws are completed (kinda).  So here we go:

 
Spain vs. Switzerland

Friday’s singles: Nicolas Almagro vs. Stanislas Wawrinka; David Ferrer vs. Marco Chiudinelli

Saturday’s doubles: Marcel Granollers and Tommy Robredo vs. Yves Allegro and Stanislas Wawrinka

Sunday’s reverse singles: David Ferrer vs. Stanislas Wawrinka; Nicolas Almagro vs. Marco Chiudinelli

France vs. Germany

Friday’s singles: Gael Monfils vs. Philipp Kohlschreiber; Jo-Wilfried Tsonga vs. Benjamin Becker

Saturday’s doubles: Julien Benneteau and Michael Llodra vs. Christopher Kas and Philipp Kohlschreiber

Sunday’s reverse singles: Jo-Wilfried Tsonga vs. Philipp Kohlscheiber; Gael Monfils vs. Benjamin Becker

Russia vs. India

Friday’s singles: Igor Andreev vs. Somdev Devvarman; Mikhail Youzhny vs. Rohan Bopanna

Saturday’s doubles: Teimuraz Gabashvili and Igor Kunitsyn vs. Mahesh Bhupathi and Leander Paes

Sunday’s reverse singles: Mikhail Youzhny vs. Somdev Devvarman; Igor Andreev vs. Rohan Bopanna

Sweden vs. Argentina

Friday’s singles: Robin Soderling vs. Eduardo Schwank; Joachim Johansson vs. Leonardo Mayer

Saturday’s doubles: Robert Lindstedt and Robin Soderling vs. Leonardo Mayer* and Horacio Zeballos

Sunday’s reverse singles: Robin Soderling vs. Leonardo Mayer; Joachim Johansson vs. Eduardo Schwank

Croatia vs. Ecuador: In Ecuador

Friday’s singles: Ivo Karlovic vs. Nicolas Lapentti; Marin Cilic vs. Giovanni Lapentti

Saturday’s doubles: Igor Dodig and Antonio Veic vs. Giovanni Lapentti and Nicolas Lapentti

Sunday’s reverse singles: Marin Cilic vs. Nicolas Lapentti; Ivo Karlovic vs. Giovanni Lapentti

Serbia vs. United States

Friday’s singles: Viktor Troicki vs. John Isner; Novak Djokovic vs. Sam Querrey

Saturday’s doubles: Janko Tipsarevic and Nenad Zimonjic vs. Bob Bryan and Mike Bryan

Sunday’s reverse singles: Novak Djokovic vs. John Isner; Viktor Troicki vs. Sam Querrey

Belgium vs. Czech Republic

Friday’s singles: Oliver Rochus vs. Tomas Berdych; Xavier Malisse vs. Radek Stepanek

Saturday’s doubles: Steve Darcis and Oliver Rochus vs. Lukas Dlouhy and Jan Hajek

Sunday’s reverse singles: Oliver Rochus vs. Radek Stepanek; Xavier Malisse vs. Tomas Berdych

Chile vs. Israel

The tie has been delayed one day so it'll start on Saturday.  No matchups released yet.

The Happiest Place On Earth.

Apparently Novak is playing quite the host. 

Well played, chap.

And Common Sense Prevails

The Israel/Chile tie has been postponed.  A minute of silence will be observed at all the ties.

Pic This: X-Ray Specs.

Nole in glasses!!!  Davis Cup is just the best.

There is so much about Nole in this picture that I love.  So much.

[snicker]

Nerd.

SausageFest 2010: Grab It While You Can

As I mentioned, the first round of Davis Cup is this weekend.  Most of the big stars are out but as we all know, this is a HoYay! buffet.  It'll be good no matter what.

World Group Ties:

Spain v Switzerland
Plaza de Toros de la Ribera, Logrono, Spain

Spain: David Ferrer, Nicolas Almagro, Tommy Robredo, Marcel Granollers
Captain: Albert Costa

Switzerland: Stanislas Wawrinka, Marco Chiudinelli, Michael Lammer, Yves Allego
Captain: Severin Luthi

France v Germany
Palais des Sports – Toulon, France

France: Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Gael Monfils, Michael Llodra, Julien Benneteau
Captain: Guy Forget

Germany: Philipp Kohlschreiber, Benjamin Becker, Simon Greul, Christopher Kas
Captain: Patrick Kuhnen

Russia v India
Small Sports Arena “Luzhniki” – Moscow, Russia

Russia: Nikolay Davydenko, Mikhail Youzhny, Teimuraz Gabashvili, Igor Kunitsyn
Captain: Shamil Tarpischev

India: Somdev Devvarman, Rohan Bopanna, Leander Paes, Mahesh Bhupathi
Captain: Shiv-Prakash Misra

Sweden v Argentina
Kungliga Tennishallen – Stockholm, Sweden

Sweden: Robin Soderling, Andreas Vinciguerra, Simon Aspelin, Robert Lindstedt
Captain: Mats Wilander

Argentina: Leonardo Mayer, Horacio Zeballos, Eduardo Schwank, Federico Del Bonis
Captain: Tito Vazquez

Croatia v Ecuador
Gradska Sportska Dvorana Varazdin – Varazdin, Croatia

Croatia: Marin Cilic, Ivo Karlovic, Ivan Dodig, Antonio Veic
Captain: Goran Prpic

Ecuador: Nicolas Lapentti, Giovanni Lapentti, Ivan Endara, Julio-Cesar Campozano
Captain: Raul Viver

Serbia v United States
Belgrade Arena, Belgrade, Serbia

Serbia: Novak Djokovic, Viktor Troicki, Janko Tipsarevic, Nenad Zimonjic
Captain: Bogdan Obradovic

United States: John Isner, Sam Querrey, Mike Bryan, Bob Bryan
Captain: Patrick McEnroe

Chile v Israel
Enjoy Tennis Center – Coquimbo, Chile

Chile: Fernando Gonzalez, Nicolas Massu, Paul Capdeville, Jorge Aguilar
Captain: Hans Gildermeister

Israel: Dudi Sela, Harel Levy, Jonathan Erlich, Andy Ram
Captain: Eyal Ran

Belgium v Czech Republic
Expodroom Bree – Bree, Belgium

Belgium: Olivier Rochus, Xavier Malisse, Steve Darcis, Christophe Rochus
Captain: Reginald Willems

Czech Republic: Tomas Berdych, Radek Stepanek, Jan Hajek, Lukas Dlouhy
Captain: Jaroslav Navratil

Thoughts For Chile

From Gonzo's site:

Hello friends:

I was watching TV and I found out about the earthquake. I’m so sad for the victims and families. I’m at Mexico City. This nght I’ll fly to Lima to try to get a new flight to Santiago.

Thank God I could talk with my family after the earthquake. I watched TV all the time and I’m so sad with the news. It’s tough I can’t be in Chile. I’m praying. I would like to help with the reconstruction of my country.

I hope to see them again as soon as possible.

A big hug for everyone and ¡Fuerza Chile!

In other Chile-related news, the ITF wants the Davis Cup tie against Israel, which is being hosted in Chile,  to go forward.

Um, seriously, ITF?  Are you *that* big of assholes?  Not only are we talking about a logistical nightmare of even hosting the tie, what about the logistics of getting the athletes into and out of the country?  What about how absolutely inappropriate a sporting event seems in light of the tragedy?  Hell, when we had the 6.8 in the Bay Area during the 1989 World Series, games were suspended for 10 days.  Chile just had an 8.8 three days ago.  

Ridiculous.

The Big Boys Say, "Nahhhh..."

The first round of Davis Cup is next week and the teams have announced their rosters.  No Fed, Rafa, FeVer, Feli, A-Rod, JMDP, Nalby, Blah, or Haasi.  

Spain vs. Switerland: In Spain

Spain: Juan Carlos Ferrero, David Ferrer, Tommy Robredo, and Marcel Granollers

Switzerland: Stanislas Wawrinka, Marco Chiudinelli, Michael Lammer, and Yves Allegro

France vs. Germany: In France

France: Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Gael Monfils, Michael Llodra, and Julien Benneteau

Germany: Philipp Kohlschreiber, Benjamin Becker, Simon Greul, and Christopher Kas

Russia vs. India: In Russia

Russia: Nikolay Davydenko, Mikhail Youzhny, Teimuraz Gabashvili, and Igor Kunitsyn

India: Somdev Devvarman, Rohan Bopanna, Leander Paes, and Mahesh Bhupathi

Sweden vs. Argentina: In Sweden

Sweden: Robin Soderling, Andreas Vinciguerra, Simon Aspelin, and Robert Lindstedt

Argentina: Juan Monaco, Horacio Zeballos, Leonardo Mayer, and Eduardo Schwank

Croatia vs. Ecuador: In Croatia

Croatia: Marin Cilic, Ivo Karlovic, Ivan Dodig, and Antonio Veic

Ecuador: Nicholas Lapentti, Giovanni Lapentti, Ivan Endara, and Julio-Ceser Campozano

Serbia vs. United States: In Serbia

Serbia: Novak Djokoivc, Viktor Troikci, Janko Tipsarevic, and Nenad Zimonjic

United States: John Isner, Sam Querrey, Mike and Bob Bryan

Chile vs. Israel: In Chile

Chile: Fernando Gonzalez, Nicolas Massu, Paul Capdeville, and Jorge Arguilar

Israel: Dudi Sela, Harel Levy, Jonathan Erlich, and Andy Ram

Belgium vs. Czech Repubic: In Belgium

Belgium: Christophe Rochus, Oliver Rochus, Steve Darcis, and Xavier Malisse

Czech Rebublic: Tomas Berdych, Radek Stepanek, Jan Hajek, and Lukas Dlouhy

I'm still a bit surprised that P-Mac finally cut the old guard loose.  And by "surprised", I mean relieved.

That'll Teach Him!

Uh, Atomic's been named to the Australia Davis Cup team, making the 17 year old the youngest to play for the team. 

"As a young player he's already showed us that he handles big courts, big situations well so if he gets the opportunity to play a live match here I've no doubt that he'll handle that pretty well," he said.

Psst!  Taiwan!  Two words for you: late matches.  Also, if you want to play them on Rod Laver, I'm sure that can be arranged.

Great, World Team Tennis On 'Roids

Call me skeptical, but this proposal to replace Davis Cup with a "tennis World Cup" just makes me roll my eyes.  

Here's the basics:

• 32 teams would play in one venue over 10 days (8 groups of four in round robin to determine 16 finalists)
• Teams would have 3 players and a captain, and in each five set match, at least two players would compete (each player has to play at least 6 games)
• Play would be no-ad 
• Strictly enforced (i.e., publicly displayed) 25 seconds between points 
• Tiebreaks are first to 5, no two point gap retuired 

I think this is an incredibly bad idea, and not just because I really love Davis Cup.  Obviously there are tons of problems with Davis Cup at the moment, mostly arising from scheduling.  The number of tournaments players have to play and the disparate places they play them in make commitment (especially for top players) to Davis Cup very difficult.

But this still seems intensely problematic.  I'm automatically suspicious of sea changes in sports made for business reasons, and it's not because I'm a sports purist (okay, it's not just because I'm a sports purist).  In my experience, big changes made to how a sport is played usually end up hurting the game in the end, years down the road, when it's almost impossible to backtrack.  In this case, as Matt Cronin pointed out, the major problem would be the deterioration of funding for smaller tennis federations.  An awful lot of smaller federations count on a couple of weekends a year of Davis Cup to bring in the bulk of their funds.  Kill those tournaments, kill that funding, kill the game's development in the non-major markets around the world.

For a sport that's trying for a broader global appeal, eliminating the possibility of international play and high level competition at home in smaller, developing markets seems like a distinctly counterintuiitve move.  And not in a clever way.

There are other problems, too.  Like, where in the schedule does an 10-day tournament go?  It seems unlikely that there's anywhere in the calendar for it-- which tournaments are supposed to give up their interests entirely to make room for a World Cup?  And with all the squawking about how long the season is, it seems even less likely that the players would be very enthusiastic about adding 10 days on after the WTF.  (Heh, still funny.)  And what about doubles?  To me, one of the great things about Davis Cup is that it's a high stakes situation where doubles really matters.  I haven't seen one word about it in the World Cup proposal.

I dunno, personally I hope this thing dies a quick death and never resurfaces again.

Fed Cup Fever: It's Catching! (UPDATE)

Nice timing, guys.

Taking a page out of the Williams's book, Andy Roddick and James Blake have bowed out of next year's Davis Cup play.  Not only will it mark the first time in 10 years that neither of them have been on the squad, but that first round tie against Serbia is a tough one to leave to the B-team.

Okay, it's not quite the B-team; the Bryans are presumably still playing, and since Sammy Q and John Isner are both higher ranked than Blah now, really the US is only losing Andy.  And, of course, in an away tie on clay... well, it's probably not that important.  Hope Sammy Q and John Boy have an awesome time in Belgrade.

(And hey, any time I don't have to watch James Blake is a good time for me.  Have a nice weekend off, boys!)

 

UPDATE: A-Rod says he's not playing the first round in order to minimize the damage to his knee that comes with switching surfaces all the time, and since he can't commit to the first round, he's not playing the whole year.

 

          "'I'm not going to be one of the guys who plays when it's convenient, 
           when it's close to home and when it's good for him health-wise,' he said. 
           'My view has always been you decide at the beginning of the year if you're 
           going to go through everything or not.'"

 

I agree with him about not playing just when it's convenient for you, but this thing where if you're injured for one tie, you shouldn't play the whole year is... uh, okay.  Anyway, that's A-Rod's reasoning.  No word on why Blah decided to remove himself from the squad.  I'm going with general lameness.

What, Are You Scurrrred?

Roger's skipping Neutral-Land's David Cup tie against Spain.  Not surprising.  He's skipped the first round of Davis Cup every year from 2005-2009.

I'm An American So I Can Say This: We Do Not Play Nice In The Sandbox.

Primarily because we suck at it.

Serbia has wisely chosen indoor clay for their Fed Cup tie against The Sockless Dick-Blah Brothers.  Pretty sure that indoor court is going to be nice and damp, too.  

Ajde, motherfuckers.

"Through The Storm We Reach The Shore, You Give It All But I Want More."

This video must be watched.  Feli and Fer are the cutest and most romantic couple in tennis.

Thanks to rafadoc for posting!

Pic This: How Do I Pledge?

Best Frat Ever.

I propose a new Davis Cup/Fed Cup tradition: A Champions Ball.  FUCK YEAH.


The man can wear a suit, that's for sure.

I'm sad he's not carrying his pocket square in his mouth.

JESUS CHRIST, DUDE.

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

"It ain't over. It still ain't over."


NO NO NO NO NO, Daveed! Pants off!

This video can be summed in the following:

Fernando: Hey, a flag, yay!
Feli: You should wear it like a cape.
Fernando: That's lame.
Feli: Fine, I will.
All: OH NOES CHAMPAGNE!!!

Fuck it. Can they just win everything from now on?

The Bullth of Barthelona Thelebrate

Lock up your women, sons, sheep, and lawns, people of Barcelona. 

The boys have won and they're ready to celebrate.

 

There's so much amazing in this pic I don't know where to begin.  SuperFeli to the rescue!

All I can think when I see these two is this.

 

"Me and You and You and Me, no matter how they toss the dice, it's meant to be."

These two are so this I can't even deal.

Is difficult to stay in the right colm, no?

 

"I love that Davis Cup so much...

...I want to take it out behind the school...

...and get it pregnant."

 

Glad these guys made the final.  Hell of a job, Czechies.

Manual Photoshopping, by Fernando Verdasco.  See?  He gets it.

The Teamiest Team To Ever Team

And so Spain clinches the Davis Cup for the second straight year with a 76(7) 75 62 win over Steps and Tomas. 

It was a compete and clean kill for the Spaniards, as Feli's serve was booming and Fernando's forehand was adjective-similar-to-booming-but-I-can't-use-booming-twice-in-one-sentence.

And now, for the celebration pics:

 

I love this pic.  Primarily because it reminded me of this scene in New Moon (shut up.  I'm going to keep bringing it up until it's out of my system).

 

"Dude!  We sold FOUR Big Macs!"

 

"Really?"

"Yes!"

 

"You smell like french fries.  I'll be your hot mustard."

Photobomb.

 

Trust Fall: You're Doing It Wrong.

 

"Is it raining?  I hadn't noticed."

Seriously, dude, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT!

Fer's cute and all, but I cannot stop looking at Feli's amazing receding hairline. 

Like whoa, y'all.

I miss Emilio.

Vamos.

Can't wait for tomorrow's award ceremony.

2-0

DAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!

Let's be real, I did *not* think he had it in him.  Hobbling into Davis Cup, playing a streaking Steps, I just...really...didn't think he had a change here.  He was already a shock pick by Costa to play this second rubber, which I chalked up to Costa feeding him to the wolves, assuming the loss, in order to rest Fer for tomorrow and possibly Sunday.  And that's what it looked like after the first two sets, when Daveed was simply outclassed by Steps in the order of a 61 62 drubbing.

 

But Spain would not be denied.  Steps started to play too cute and Daveed picked up his game.  After he was able to take the third set, it really looked like it was going to turn around.  And did it ever.

Daveed would gut out the next three sets, 64 64 86, after 4 hours.  It was awesome.  He needed this win in a major way.

 

 

Save the Cheerleader.  Save the World.

Tough luck for the Czechs.  Sex should have really closed this out.  Doubt they can overcome a 0-2 deficit.  Radek will have to rally to get up for tomorrow's must win doubles rubber.

1-0

Well that was a triumphant return.

Tomas was able to hang with him for about half a set before Rafa pulled out the first set 75.  From there it was all Rafa, as he'd take the next two sets 60 62.

 

Sorry, Tomas.  You're still pretty, though.

I Shit You Not.

So FeVer is going to sport Spain's national team kit for football during Davis Cup.  But that's not the story.  He's also going to be wearing personalized mi Adidas shoes that say "Tabasco" on the heel.

No, really.

Here's a preview of his kit:

Team Edward or Team Jacob? You Gotta Choose.

I honestly don't know who I'm rooting for here but I think it's Spain, if for no other reason than that I want Rafa to end his season on a high note.  Speaking of high notes...what's up with Feli's hair?  Or Fer's for that matter.

That said, I'd be totally super duper happy for the Czechs if they win.

Spain comes into Davis Cup severely hobbled, both emotionally and physically.  We all know Rafa's struggling, but Fernando also expended a crapload of energy at in London, and he's now injured.  So much so that Costa has swapped in Daveed for singles, who we last saw withdraw from a match due to a hamstring injury.  That's...disconcerting, though Costa has indicated that Fer might be tapped to play Sunday if needed.  And have I mentioned Feli's hair?

The Czechs on the other hand come in very relaxed and high in confidence.  Well, at least Steps is feeling confident.  He had a great run to end the regular season.  As for Tomas, you never know what you're going to get with him but I have to think he's going to be pretty relaxed here, which is worrisome if you're on Team Spain.  If this tie were played in the Czech Republic, I'd be more worried for Tomas.  But playing away in Spain?  Something tells me the Czechs totally buy into the underdog mentality here.

As per usual in Davis Cup, doubles will be the key here.  Rafa can't do this all himself.  Despite the fact that Dlouhy/Hajek were officially tapped for the Czechs, unless they find themselves up 2-0 after the first day, expect Tomas and Steps to play dubs against Fer/Feli.  I expect it'll be 1-1 after Friday, so whoever wins dubs will clearly be in the driving seat.  

All this is to say, this is going to be a VERY interesting tie.  I am REALLY worried for Spain.

Friday 4 December – Play starts at 1600 (1500 GMT)
Rafael Nadal (ESP) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)

Saturday 5 December – Play starts at 1600 (1500 GMT)
Feliciano Lopez / Fernando Verdasco (ESP) v Lukas Dlouhy / Jan Hajek (CZE)

 
Sunday 6 December – Play starts at 1200 (1100 GMT)
Rafael Nadal (ESP) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)

Welcome To My House

The 2010 Davis Cup draw came out this morning and while everyone is understandably buzzing about the 1st round tie between Spain and Switzerland, I'm way more pumped for the USA vs. Serbia tie.  Why? 

Because it's in Serbia.

If you think about when Nole's career started to take a weird turn, you have to look back at Sarsapalooza 08, when Andy called out Nole for being injury prone, Nole got mad, New York got mad, and as a result, Nole's brain melted.  I swear it was as though Andy somehow lobotomized him.  The guy has been lost ever since.

So excuse me if I look forward to Nole finally playing Andy on pro-Nole territory.  When they can finally have a match where Nole should feel comfortable letting the Falcon out.  Who knows what will happen, but a Nole win would go a long way for his confidence and at least get Andy out of his head.

Because seriously?  Of all the players to have in your head, does it really have to be A-Rod?  Come on.

Also, will 2010 finally be the year when P-Mac gets his head out of his ass and plays Sam instead of Headband and Socks? 

As for the Spain/Switzerland tie in Spain, I don't know why but I'll be surprised to see Roger there.  And I don't mean that as a slight to him.  I just wonder if that early in the season he'll be willing to go from Australian hardcourts, to clay, and back.  Though, I guess if he was willing to play last week's relegation tie, he must want to add the Davis Cup to his NetJet.  What better way to do it than to beat Rafa.

Pic This: With All Disrespect, *This* Must Be Love

I love Spain's celebrations because they run around like a bunch of little boys. 

Well, four little boys and the older girl that wants to bone them.

This is how British men hug.  Fact.

Je'Taime.  Or something.  What the fuck do I know, I was with the geeks and goths in German class.

I can't really explain it, but I just love the Belgian Boys.  They're like a team of blonde hobbits.

Much love to Somdev for singlehandedly saving this tie for India.

Polish guys do it better.  Cuz they have poles.  Or something. 

It took a really long time for me to figure out whether or not some guy attached Massu (plausible) or if Massu was just lying there and reveling in once again being a country hero (plausible, unfortunately).  Still not sure.

Hug it out, you cute Ecuadorian bitches.

Pic This: Ok, That's A New One.

Sword Fighting.

So it'll be those guys...

Versus these guys...

For this guy.

I love this matchup.  At least I did before I realized that the final would be played in Spain, likely on clay court.  So...have fun with that Czechies.  But really nice win over the Croats.  As for Spain, a well-deserved home final after what they pulled off last year in Argentina.

The Voice Of Evil

Hee. The cheer itself is really what cracks me up. Sounds like something my six year old cousin would make up. "I'm #1. I'm the best. Because I'm #1. I'm not #2. #2 eats poo. I'm #1."

Pic This: While I Was Sleeping

Trust me, I'm still recovering, and thanks for all the well wishes.  That was very sweet.  I got a good amount of sleep this weekend, primarily by finding streams of the Switzerland tie.  That was really helpful.  But clearly I ended up in some drug induced daze (or perhaps watching Fed play Davis Cup put me into a uberdeep level of REM sleep that I've never experienced) because I had some crazy wacked out dreams that I can't make heads or tails of.

I found myself mildly attracted to Nicolas "Please put a bag over your face" MasWho.

I vaguely recall something about GB being relegated to Zonal.

I got warm fuzzies as Team Serbia avoided relegation as Nole cheered on. 

I had fits of euphoria as France got all brohuggy to win their tie.

In a fit of...well...I don't know what, FeLo tried to repeatedly rape JCF

He would not be denied.

And then he tried to rub his junk all over Daveed...

And hump Tommy.  The dude's got a lot of love.

And Tomas was zadorable in the Czech Republic's huge win 3-0 win over Croatia.

And then I woke up...

I want my sleepy back.

Pic This: Snausages!

God I love Davis Cup.

No really.

Augh.  Buzzkill.

You're pretty.  

 I am so digging on Tomas' cheddar.  Did he get a haircut?

So looking at this picture is pretty much my own personal hell.

I don't give a shit what you said.

Sausage Ties

This is the stuff dreams are made.   Well, at least C Note dreams.

World Group Semis

Spain vs. Israel

Friday Day 1: 1200 hrs (1000 hrs GMT)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Harel Levy (ISR)
Juan Carlos Ferrero (ESP) v Dudi Sela (ISR)

Saturday Day 2: 1500 hrs (1300 hrs GMT)
Feliciano Lopez/Tommy Robredo (ESP) v Jonathan Erlich/Andy Ram (ISR)

Sunday Day 3: 1200 hrs (1000 hrs GMT)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Dudi Sela (ISR)
Juan Carlos Ferrero (ESP) v Harel Levy (ISR)

Croatia vs. Czech Republic

Friday Day 1: 1400 hrs (1200 hrs GMT)
Ivo Karlovic (CRO) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)
Marin Cilic (CRO) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)

Saturday Day 2: 1500 hrs (1300 hrs GMT)
Roko Karanusic/Lovro Zovko (CRO) v Lukas Dlouhy/Jan Hajek (CZE)

Sunday Day 3: 1300 hrs (1100 hrs GMT)
Marin Cilic (CRO) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)
Ivo Karlovic (CRO) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)

World Group Playoff ties after the jump.

Pic This: Puff, Puff, Pass.

I...don't know what's going on here.

Don't Worry, You're Still Screwed, Israel

Rafa withdraws from Davis Cup.  He'll be replaced by JCF.

Sausage Cup Teams

 

(I ran a search for "davis cup" and this came up.  Obviously I couldn't resist.)

Weird to think Davis Cup is only a week away.  Here are the World Group nominations:

CROATIA v CZECH REPUBLIC
Venue: Sportska Dvorana 'Zatika', Porec, Croatia (clay – indoors)

CROATIA
Marin Cilic
Ivo Karlovic
Roko Karanusic
Lovro Zovko
Captain: Goran Prpic

CZECH REPUBLIC
Radek Stepanek
Tomas Berdych
Jan Hernych
Lukas Dlouhy
Captain: Jaroslav Navratil

SPAIN v ISRAEL
Venue: Polaris World la Torre Golf Resort, Murcia (clay – outdoors)

SPAIN
Rafa Nadal
David Ferrer
Tommy Robredo
Feliciano López
Captain: Albert Costa

ISRAEL
Dudi Sela
Harel Levy
Jonathan Erlich
Andy Ram
Captain: Eyal Ran

The Croatia/Czech tie should be really interesting.  Hard to pick one there but I'd have to give the edge to the Czech Republic if Steps and Dlouhy play dubs together.  As for Spain and Israel, Fernando wanted a break and is obviously struggling with injuries so he's out.  Not that they really need him.  Have fun on the clay, Israel.

The lineups for the World Group Playoff ties after the jump.

Please Revoke His Passport

Nice DC write up by Cronin, with some interesting stats about Andy and Blah:

On the other hand, Blake has scored just one live win on clay, over Austria's Stefan Koubek, and only one other singles win away from home in the past eight years. While he's had some spectacular moments playing at home, including during the United States' 2007 title run, Blake has been less than dependable away from the comforts of red, white and blue arenas.

"I think it's a great opportunity for James to slide into the No. 1 singles role," McEnroe said before the tie began. "He's always been the No. 2 guy on this team, with Andy playing the role of No. 1 quite well. But James has a lot of experience, and I think it's a nice change for him to be put in that position."

While that might have been the case at home, Blake did not embrace the change abroad.

...

Perhaps next year, if McEnroe is forced to select a team to play away on clay, he'll try his luck again with Querrey, or young lefthander Wayne Odesnik, who professes a love of dirt and has had some decent results on the surface. Whatever the case, without Roddick in the fold for every tough away tie, the U.S. is going to be a serious underdog.

After the match, Blake admitted that there was a comfort level in playing No. 2 behind Roddick, the de facto team leader with a Davis Cup singles record of 31-11.

"I got a ton of respect for Andy. I really can't see myself having any more respect for him than today," said Blake. "Being in the No. 1 spot, it shows me how hard his job has been for this many years and how outstanding he's really been as a teammate and a leader of this team because he's counted on as the No. 1 to put up two points, and he does it time after time. Davis Cup is always pressure-packed, but being in the No. 2 spot is less pressure-packed than being in that one spot."

So is it fair to assume that there will a bunch of articles written about James calling him out for his pathetic inability to handle pressure situations and perform on big stages?

Nah.  Probably not.

Air Quotes: STFU, James.

“To boo our fans is something I find unacceptable. . . To clap when I miss a first serve and things like that on a pretty consistent basis seems pretty hostile to me.”

-- Blah Blah Cry Baby, on the hostile Davis Cup atmosphere in Croatia.

Two words for you, asshole:

Pic This: BOYS!!!

Feli is really the GOAT of celebratory groping.  It's a gift.


Obligatory.


Bonus!


If anyone knows what Pico's feeling, it's Chucho.  Come back soon, Fatty.


Hulk!Elf.


The Sex.  Recognize.


"Bring me the finest McFlurry in all the land!!!"


I assure you sir, the answers are not up there.


Do you think the Czech team ever thinks "Yeah, that dude has gone too far"?


"Baby you can drive my car.  Yes I'm gonna be a star.  Baby you can drive my car, and maybe I love you." 


Ok, yeah.  I just threw up in my mouth a bit.


Yup.  That's about right.

Davis Cup Day 3: Heroes Rising

That's what Day 3 of Davis Cup is all about: Heroes.  And the great thing about Davis Cup is that these heroes often come from nowhere.  They're journeymen players who experience the biggest wins of their lives on this stage.  And there is something ridiculously awesome about it.

Over in Spain, it was looking like PEHK would be the man of the day.  He fended off a strong comeback from Fernando to notch an 8-6 in the 5th win.  Who knew the German would knock off Nole and Fer on clay in the span of a month and a half.  And if Hero #2 didn't step up in the next match and Germany had taken this tie, I would argue that Techno's win over Fer was the biggest of his career.  But alas.

After the Fer's tough loss Spain had to be feeling a bit of pressure.  Especially with Beck having taken Fer to five challenging sets a couple days earlier.  But in stepped cool as a cucumber JCF, who swashbuckled his way to a fairly businesslike straight set win.  And so Spain advances and Germany goes home.  Sure, it all shook out the way we expected, but the fun is in the process.  Spain will face Israel in their semifinal.

But the thing about heroes is that there's always a goat.  And no, I don't mean GOAT, I mean goat.  And unfortunately for Argentina, that goat was Pico.  Poor guy was unable to notch a singles win during the tie and that's what's why the 2008 finalists are going home.  As for Steps, he was able to fight off some knee pain and help bring this one how for the Czechs, who will have an away tie with...

The Lanktastic Voyage.

This was a hard fought tie for the Croats.  They had that epicly long day on Friday, wherein Ivo and Marin needed 5 sets to take care of Blah and Sockless.  But Marin came out and took care of business in four sets, dumping Blah and sending a very clear message to PMac that JAMES BLAKE IS A HORRIBLE TENNIS PLAYER!!!  It's time for everyone to accept it.  He's clearly in a bad spot.  The fact that Querrey CA was left off this team still chaps me.  Fuckers.

Vodka's On Me.

Once again, Marat couldn't keep it simple.  He couldn't just roll over and let Israel easily take the tie by winning the dubs match.  No.  He had to make it an emotional rollercoaster that ended with him not coming out on top.  Because this is what Marat does.

Ram and Ehrlich were up two sets and serving for the match at 5-4.  Jonny gets broken and Marat and Consumption proceed to take the next two sets and force a fifth, which, of course, Israel would win 64.

Congrats to Israel for making their first World Group semifinal.  As for Russia, maybe it's appropriate that the year Marat retires, they get outclassed by the hungry up and comers.

Drink up!

 

"ZOMG! I Just Sold Our 10 Billionth Happy Meal!"

Needless to say, Spain is up 2-1.

The Return Of The Sex

Stepsy returns and the Czechs go into Sunday with a 2-1 lead.


Coincidence?  Please.

Don't Worry Pico, You're Still Pretty.

It's 1-1 after Day 1.  Elf did his job and Berdy took his match against Pico in five sets.

Is anyone else wondering why Pico is rocking the Falcon?  I sure hope Elfie doesn't come out in any RF gear.

Well Shit, At Least Play Marat If You're Going To Go Down 0-2

You got bageled by Dudi Sela.  Yes, you should hide your head in shame, Misha.

With the Marat sitting on the bench, Russia dropped both their rubbers today (heh) to Israel, who are one win away from making the World Group semis.  Crazy!

The Hotness and Consumption take the court in dubs tomorrow.  Yikes.

It's Never Boring When Techno's Involved

Spain and Germany ended Day 1 locked in a 1-1 draw after their #1s took care of business.  It took Fer 5 SETS to take out Andreas Beck, who just flat our ran out of gas.  How do you lose the next two sets 2 and 1 after you just won a tiebreaker to take a 2-1 lead?

Meanwhile, in a pretty impressive result on clay, PEHK beat Tommy in straight sets. 

Bring on Team Pretty for dubs!

Davis Cup Just Got 200% Less Sexy, Ladies.

Both Marat and Steps have been pulled from their singles ties.  Marat because he sucks, and Sex because of a knee problem.

But don't fret.  If needed, The Sex will step in on Sunday if they need him.

Pic This: Aww...How Cute...

But I hope he knows he's about to get jumped by those two escaped convicts.