Forty Deuce

Pic This: PUT THE EYELINER AWAY.

Pic This: So here's the thing....

I'm drunk.  How drunk, you ask?  Let's just say I fell down putting on my pajamas and I put my shirt on backwards and I just ate a powdered donut. 

With that...here we go....

Alona cares not for your "tactics", creepy dude.

Badass.

No you have to enter her password.  No seriously, this has to get done TODAY.

Ruh Roh.  Someone raided the Bunny Ranch eyeliner stash.

Didn't she just have a kid, like 4 days from now? 

That said...NATHALIE!!!

Oh, Casey.  Go buy some tissues from Target.

Uh...I don't know.  That's a kangaroo.  Seemed funny.  Probably funnier if I was sober.  Or less.  I don't know.  Huh?

ALIZE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE'S WAY!!! JESUS!

Someone got a new Toyota....

Kata!  I haz a happee.

 

Whereabout is she???

Oh, Alex.  Yelling only scares her more.

You'd think that was Cones.  It's not.  Hence the current state of Team France.

You smug little bastard.

What are you looking for?  Oh that thing behind you?  IT'S YOUR GAME.

Fed Cup: I 100% Assure You There Will Be Crying.

So here we go. 

Notably absent: Uh...all of Russia, The "real" Belgians, The Williamses, The Golden Flowers, Sabine, and Gisela Dulko.  And it still cracks me up that Mono isn't on France's team.

World Group I

Serbia vs. Russia

aka "This week, on LOST..."

Saturday - Play starts at 16:00 (15:00 GMT)
Ana Ivanovic (SRB) v Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)
Jelena Jankovic (SRB) v Alisa Kleybanova (RUS)

Sunday - Play starts at 14:00 (13:00 GMT)
Jelena Jankovic (SRB) v Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)
Ana Ivanovic (SRB) v Alisa Kleybanova (RUS)
Ana Ivanovic / Jelena Jankovic (SRB) v Vera Dushevina / Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS)

Ukraine vs. Italy

aka "Aw, hell no!  I did *not* leave the South Side for this!"

Saturday - Play starts at 13:30 (11:30 GMT)
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) v Francesca Schiavone (ITA)
Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) v Flavia Pennetta (ITA)

Sunday - Play starts at 13:00 (11:00 GMT)
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) v Flavia Pennetta (ITA)
Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) v Francesca Schiavone (ITA)
Mariya Koryttseva / Viktoria Kutuzova (UKR) v Sara Errani / Roberta Vinci (ITA)

France vs. United States

aka "Yeah, have fun, Cones..."

Saturday - Play starts at 13:30 (12:30 GMT)
Alize Cornet (FRA) v Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)
Pauline Parmentier (FRA) v Melanie Oudin (USA)

Sunday - Play starts at 13:00 (12:00 GMT)
Alize Cornet (FRA) v Melanie Oudin (USA)
Pauline Parmentier (FRA) v Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)
Stephanie Cohen-Aloro / Julie Coin (FRA) v Liezel Huber / Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)

Czech Republic vs. Germany

aka "The tie no one cares about because I can't find any pictures."

Saturday - Play starts at 13:00 (12:00 GMT)
Lucie Safarova (CZE) v Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER)
Petra Kvitova (CZE) v Andrea Petkovic (GER)

Sunday - Play starts at 12:00 (11:00 GMT)
Lucie Safarova (CZE) v Andrea Petkovic (GER)
Petra Kvitova (CZE) v Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER)
Lucie Hradecka/Kveta Peschke (CZE) v Kristina Barrois/Tatjana Malek (GER)

World Group II

Poland vs. Belgium

aka "Wait...that's not Ula..."

Marta Domachowska (POL) v Yanina Wickmayer (BEL)
Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) v Kirsten Flipkens (BEL)

Sunday - Play starts at 12:00 (11:00 GMT)
Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) v Yanina Wickmayer (BEL)
Marta Domachowska (POL) v Kirsten Flipkens (BEL)
Klaudia Jans / Alicja Rosolska (POL) v An-Sophie Mestach / Sofie Oyen (BEL)

Slovak Republic vs. China

aka "Why does Domi have to ruin everything?"

Saturday - Play starts at 14:00 (13:00 GMT)
Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) v Xinyun Han (CHN)
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) v Shuai Zhang (CHN)

Sunday - Play starts at 13:00 (12:00 GMT)
Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) v Shuai Zhang (CHN)
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) v Xinyun Han (CHN)
Dominika Cibulkova / Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) v Xinyun Han / Shuai Zhang (CHN)

Australia vs. Spain

aka "Huh.  You guys are in World Group II?"

Saturday - Play starts at 18:00 (07:30 GMT)
Samantha Stosur (AUS) v Maria-Jose Martinez Sanchez (ESP)
Casey Dellacqua (AUS) v Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP)

Sunday - Play starts at 16:00 (05:30 GMT)
Samantha Stosur (AUS) v Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP)
Casey Dellacqua (AUS) v Maria-Jose Martinez Sanchez (ESP)
Alicia Molik / Rennae Stubbs (AUS) v Nuria Llagostera Vives / Carla Suarez Navarro (ESP)

Estonia vs. Argentina

aka "Wait.  Estonia???"

Saturday - Play starts at 12:00 (10:00 GMT)
Maret Ani (EST) v Maria Irigoyen (ARG)
Kaia Kanepi (EST) v Paula Ormachea (ARG)

Sunday - Play starts at 11:00 (09:00 GMT)
Kaia Kanepi (EST) v Maria Irigoyen (ARG)
Maret Ani (EST) v Paula Ormachea (ARG)
Maret Ani / Kaia Kanepi (EST) v Mailen Auroux / Aranza Salut (ARG)

Pic This: Day 6 and 7

The Australian Open Diving Championships, which are taking place this weekend, are really fucking up my photo searches.

Looks like Aunty Pam hired herself a local beer boy.  Wise, that one.

Anyone know what the ribbon's about?  I'm guessing her ankle ligamenture.

"Manny Delgado is a man of action."

Wonder who she's looking at...

Damn.  Tax got hops.

Whoa, honey.

Looks like Tax was doing everything except trying to avoid the bagel in her match.

Impressive work, Halpert.

Lleyton would make an amazingly angry Goth Kid.  Some eyeliner, a lip wring, one of those big holey piercey things?  A dog collar?  Which is ironic seeing as how he's the most douchey jock on the scene.

Hell of a week for China.  Pick up some racquets, Beijing!

Nole is like, crazy obsessed with his guns.

Yes, Pico, everyone's been doing that for Kolya.  If you relax it'll hurt less.  So I hear.

Bad racquet.

Because I haven't posted a picture of Vika yet.  And if I'm going to be accused of jinxing people, well, here's my chance to use my powers for good and not evil.

P-Raft is hot.  You can't blame Henri.

Good tourney for you.  Proved the USO run wasn't a fluke.

Still useless to me when it counted.

"Where's Your Head At at at at at at..."

She's just not that into you, Dani. 

Hmmm...you look familiar.

Jo.

Not Jo.


Ah, the classic "head stuck up your ass" MTO.  Didn't help, Tommy.

MaKiri with sympathy pains.

They. Were. Adorable.

First off Dani, Next up, Google.

Don't look now, but Nails is into the fourth round with a nice three set win over Dani.  I mean, I wouldn't mess with her, would you?

Boo. 

This Week, On The L Word...

A few mild upsets on the day, but otherwise it was a pretty quiet day on the women's side.

The top seeds came through (I choose to ignore that whole Justine thing) without much trouble, with Caro, Vika, and Bepa finally playing their first round matches.  No word on what Caro and Vika did to celebrate their wins, but I'm sure we'll hear about it on Twitter.  It probably involved milkshakes and pillows.  

And Dani won!  Thank god.

Singles - Second Round
(2) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) 63 64
(3) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) d. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) 62 62
(WC) Justine Henin (BEL) d. (5) Elena Dementieva (RUS) 75 76(6)
(8) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Katie O'Brien (GBR) 62 62
(11) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Sandra Zahlavova (CZE) 64 64
(Q) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (12) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 76(2) 61
(15) Kim Clijsters (BEL) d. Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) 63 63
(19) Nadia Petrova (RUS) d. Kaia Kanepi (EST) 64 64
Zheng Jie (CHN) d. (24) María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 26 62 63
(Q) Angelique Kerber (GER) d. (26) Aravane Rezai (FRA) 62 63
(27) Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 64 63
Elena Baltacha (GBR) d. (30) Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) 62 75
(31) Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Polona Hercog (SLO) 64 75
Sara Errani (ITA) d. Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 62 63
Maria Kirilenko (RUS) d. (Q) Yvonne Meusburger (AUT) 63 61
Roberta Vinci (ITA) d. Vania King (USA) 76(7) 75

Singles - First Round
(4) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 64 62
(7) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. (WC) Stéphanie Cohen-Aloro (FRA) 62 60
(9) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Kristina Kucova (SVK) 62 60
(16) Li Na (CHN) d. Marina Erakovic (NZL) 62 60
(22) Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Viktoriya Kutuzova (UKR) 36 61 75
Tathiana Garbin (ITA) d. (28) Elena Vesnina (RUS) 76(5) 64
(29) Shahar Peer (ISR) d. Lucie Hradecka (CZE) 67(5) 62 61
Agnes Szavay (HUN) d. Stéphanie Dubois (CAN) 63 62
Iveta Benesova (CZE) d. Chang Kai-Chen (TPE) 75 62
Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) d. Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN) 64 62
Stefanie Voegele (SUI) d. Melinda Czink (HUN) 75 67(5) 97
Julia Goerges (GER) d. Tamira Paszek (AUT) 60 36 63
Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) d. Galina Voskoboeva (KAZ) 64 64
(Q) Sofia Arvidsson (SWE) d. (WC) Jarmila Groth (AUS) 62 46 64

Doubles - First Round
(1) Black/Huber (ZIM/USA) d. Malek/Petkovic (GER/GER) 64 64
(2) Williams/Williams (USA/USA) d. (WC) Ferguson/Moore (AUS/AUS) 61 61
(3) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Dokic/Kvitova (AUS/CZE) 75 60
(4) Hsieh/Peng (TPE/CHN) d. Goerges/Parra Santonja (GER/ESP) 63 64
(6) Raymond/Stubbs (USA/AUS) d. Koryttseva/Kustova (UKR/BLR) 64 61
(8) Mattek-Sands/Yan (USA/CHN) d. Flipkens/Oudin (BEL/USA) 63 62
Jans/Rosolska (POL/POL) d. Molik/Shaughnessy (AUS/USA) 26 75 64
Hlavackova/Hradecka (CZE/CZE) d. Chakvetadze/Paszek (RUS/AUT) 64 63
Chan/Niculescu (TPE/ROU) d. (WC) Adamczak/Kriz (AUS/AUS) 63 61
Bacsinszky/Garbin (SUI/ITA) d. Medina Garrigues/Wozniacki (ESP/DEN) 64 64
Coin/Pelletier (FRA/CAN) d. (WC) Groth/Rogowska (AUS/AUS) 63 75

Pic This: It Just Goes to Show, Money Can't Buy Taste

The Sydney player's party was today, or last night, or possibly three nights from now; I don't know, that time difference is starting to fuck with my mind.

Anyway, a lot of people were there, and most of them looked incredibly special.  

First, I think Lacoste needs to rethink their sizing.  Second, Sam, I'm not saying it's a requirement, I'm just saying... a little effort in the hair and makeup department wouldn't kill you.

Dy-no-MITE!

Virginie apparently came straight from an archeological dig.

I don't have the first fucking clue what's going on here.


Intriguing.  Where, exactly, would one even go about buying those jeans?  Or were they a crafts project she and Dinara worked on in the hotel?

A glitter-free halter jumpsuit.  Well, now I just think I'm being Punk'd.


I think I had a very similar outfit to this the summer I was 12.  Is 1990 back?


Is he auditioning to be the dweeby poor kid in a second edition of Laguna Beach?


Someone's girlfriend needs to do a better job of hiding the hair gel.

So many possible snarks.  Most of which involve the possible proximity of Ernests Gulbis.


Annnnnd... scene.

But What Does It Meeeeeeaaaaannnnn????

   "The Economist, once a year, heads out on this mission to see the 
   future.  They try to predict the coming year... I am a fan of The 
   Economist-- that said, I think this project where they try to predict 
   the coming year is totally ridiculous.  You have these great reporters 
   who have to write about, for instance, what's going to happen in 
   China in the year 2010 and they bring so much knowledge to this 
   question, but in the end, because no one can know the future, they 
   end up making these kind of equivocal 'on the one hand, on the other 
   hand' kinds of predictions... who cares??  ... 'Here's a bunch of random 
   things that may or may not happen, believe whatever you want.'"
   -- Ira Glass, This American Life ("2010")

That right there is pretty much my personal opinion of predictions in sports like tennis.  Who cares?  Mostly, nothing means anything.  The business of predictions, proclamations, assertions made on the basis of a single match (or one good week) is misleading and serves no purpose in an objective sport like tennis.  This year especially, when there are so many comebacks (from both retirement and injury) and a string of Very Good Players who had Very Bad Years last year, proclaiming the future seems particularly futile.  Trust me, I've been in sports where predictions and what certain people say and who won which events actually matters.  You don't want any part of it.

I don't even get why people like to do it (is it so you can say later that you were right? Usually I could get into that).  All you can do in tennis is watch and see what happens.  To me, that's part of the beauty of it.  I hate trying to guess what's going to happen.  I'd much rather take stock as I go along.

So.

Things That--Really Guys-- Seem Completely Meaningless Right Now

  

Sorana Cirstea d Sam Stosur (Hopman Cup)

I can't even count how many times I read after this match that Sorana had served notice or some such.  Yes, Sorana played that match-- at least the last set and a half-- very well.  But what's earthshattering about that?  We all know Sorana Cirstea can play good tennis.  What we don't know is whether she can play good tennis consistently enough to make a significant impact on the tour.  Considering that she followed up her (impressive) defeat of Stosur with losses to Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez and Melanie Oudin, the win (and the declarations that followed) seems particularly meaningless.

Sabine Lisicki d Elena Dementieva (Hopman Cup)

See above.  We all know that Sabine can have big wins.  We also all know that Elena can have very bad losses.  How did Sabine follow up her (spectacular) defeat of Dementieva?  By getting played way too close for comfort by a 15-year-old who's not even full time on tour yet.

Melanie Oudin's "Sub-Par" Performance at Hopman Cup
Melanie's always down in small events and then up in Slams and Fed Cup (or, at least, that's the pattern she established last year).  Her performances at Hopman Cup indicate nothing other than that-- so far-- that trend looks to continue.

"Comeback" Wins By Daniela Hantuchova, Alize Cornet, and Dominika Cibulkova
All of these women are former top-20 (or even top-5) players with immense amounts of talent, loads of past results, and a not-so-hot 2009.  All of them had pretty stellar early matches this week that looked like their peak selves, prompting some to call them contenders for the second week of the Australian Open.  All of them immediately had their asses handed to them by higher-ranked, more consistent players.  Ahem.  (Not that they couldn't be, mind you, it's just silly to declare that based on two good matches that follow 6 months--or more-- of nothing.)

Things That Hold My Interest

 

Laura Robson (Hopman Cup)
Laura's new on the pro scene and has her youth and lack of record working against her in the "where might this be going" game.  She also, should her mind turn out to tend towards these kinds of things, has a huge disadvantage in all the pressure that is being, and will continue to be piled on her by the British media.  But it's been a lot of fun to watch her grow in confidence at Hopman Cup this week.  In her first match, she looked terrified, but through playing mixed doubles with Andy Murray, she seems to be growing in her belief that she can keep up with the big kids.  She played Sabine Lisicki very well, looking at all times like she belonged on the same court.  It'll be interesting to see if that continues to develop for her.

Sam Stosur (Hopman Cup)
On paper, Sam should have won all her matches at Hopman Cup.  In the real world, she lost two out of three.  Her ability is undeniable, but she isn't exactly projecting the kind of mental strength that's going to sustain her at the top of the game.  Is this particularly dismal performance just a sign that, like Amelie Mauresmo in France, she doesn't cope well with the hometown pressure?  Is it something bigger than that?  Or did she just have a really bad week?

Ana Ivanovic (Brisbane)

Ana's having a winning week, which is obviously much better than what's been happening for her since Roland Garros.  But is it really a sign of recovery?  There's a tendency to (rather dramatically) pretend like since she won RG in 2008, Ana's been losing in the first round every week.  But of course that's not true.  She won Linz that fall, made the quarters of Brisbane and Dubai and the final of IW last year, and made the third or fourth round at three out of four Slams last year.  Of course, those aren't the results that anyone expects from her, but they're not exactly Nicole Vaidisova, either.  So far this week she's beaten-- in tough matches-- people who are ranked significantly below her.  Since there's not anyone at Brisbane ranked significantly above her, even a win at the event might not be a very good indicator of where, precisely, she is at this point.

Justine Henin (Brisbane)
She's back, and she's winning, but winning how?  Her matches have all been close, and with the exception of Nadia Petrova, they've not been against people ranked anywhere near what is popularly thought of as Justine's caliber.  We all know what Justine's capable of, her record is clear evidence of that.  But it shouldn't be forgotten, either, how dismal the last few months of her "first" career were, or that she has yet to play-- let alone beat-- a top 10 player on her comeback.  

Flavia Pennetta (Auckland)
Flavia's usual modus operandi is to have a pretty dismal winter, pick up at Acapulco, have a couple of good clay events, and then really come alive on the US Open Series in the summer.  But this year in Auckland she's come roaring out of the gates, kicking ass and taking names.  Hmmm.

Things That Absolutely, Positively, Indicate Amazing Future Performances

Caroline Wozniacki, Victoria Azarenka (Twitter)

 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Vera Zvonareva (Hong Kong)

 
Whaddya know.  Some shit is completely predictable after all.

Who'd Nadia Piss Off?

First she has to play (and lose to) Masha approximately 700,000 times in the first 6 months of Masha's injury comeback, and now she has to play Justine (to whom she lost in an exhibition in Cairo a couple of weeks ago) in JuJu's first tournament back after her retirement extended sabbatical.

Kim, OTOH, drew Tathiana Garbin, so...

... let's get this party started!

Draw

Top Seeds: Kim, Nads, Ana, Dani

Potential Quarterfinals: Kim v. A-Woz, Dani v. Benesova, Ana v. Kleybs, Nads v. Czink

Potentially Interesting First Round Matches: Molik v. Makarova, Kleybs v. Pavs, Dokic v. Ivanovic, Henin v. Petrova

Interesting Questions: How will the comebacks of Molik and JuJu go?  What kind of shape are Jelena D. and Ana in?  Will Kleybs stick ice cubes up her cooch?

Pic This: That's One Way To Cope

Double Date

The amount of hilarity in this pic is almost enough to heal my broken heart.  Almost.

Kleybs and Tranny decided to announce to the world that Santa Claus is fake, there is no Easter Bunny, and Barack Obama is the devil incarnate.  Basically they destroyed all that was good and awesome in Tokyo.

Franny was cute afterwards though, asking for Ai's autograph.  I hope Ai traded it for the champion's trophy.

One last hurrah.  Much love, ladies.

 

Uh...much...love...ladies?

Let The Good Times Roll

Dani and Ai keep winning.  And it's too awesome for words.  They took out the #2 seeds in the quarterfinals and beat Nads/Dulko yesterday in the semis.  They'll play the final against Kleybs/Tranny, in one of the most lopided "Who Should C Note Cheer For?" matches ever.

I love that it's a family affair, with Ai's mom hitting the court during coaching timeouts.

This has to happen.  It just has to.  Kleybs and her stupid falling sideways backhand need to go away.  And doesn't Tranny have a beauty contest with Flavia to get to?  Can someone please remind her?

 

No pressure, Dani.  No pressure.

Stop The Bleeding. Heh.

Leave it to the WTA Bitches to stem the tide.  At least for a bit.  Maria destroyed Sammy No-Stones, 60 61, and has apparently gone back to her full service motion.  I guess with the end of the season looming she can afford the risk. 

Meanwhile JJ, in full mensal gear, withstood a solid challenge from Boom Boom to win in three sets.  The red underwear is really what makes this joke work.

As for the other "top" seeds, Vika dusted Jay-Z 1 and 1, and A-Rad made sure that Dani won't be missing Ai's raging retirement party.

The hair.  It hides the tears.

But let's be clear, the clusterfuck continued in Tokyo today, as K-Bond took out Lena, Caro retired against CanWoz, and Kleybs beat Bepa.

Singles - Second Round
(Q) Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) d. (3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) 62 67(3) 61
Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. (4) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) 50 ret. (viral illness)
Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. (6) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 36 64 62
(7) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Sabine Lisicki (GER) 63 46 62
(8) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Zheng Jie (CHN) 61 61
(11) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 63 36 63
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (12) Samantha Stosur (AUS) 60 61
Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) d. (13) Nadia Petrova (RUS) 62 62
(14) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Aravane Rezai (FRA) 64 62
(15) Li Na (CHN) d. Vera Dushevina (RUS) 75 60
Elena Vesnina (RUS) d. Roberta Vinci (ITA) 61 76(6)
Iveta Benesova (CZE) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 63 36 64
Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 63 46 64

Pic This: Fistpumps -- It's What's For Dinner

I'm starting to think that the WTA Glamour Girls aren't actually pretty. 

They just know how to put an outfit together. 

Dani looks great.  Tranny looks...confused.

Pic This: It Must Be Love.

You knew today was going to be all about the love when Nico and Rafa took some time out of their busy work schedules to enjoy a little couples massage.  That's love, people.

Yes, Flavia.  Your balls are *that* big.

SuperJo.

I didn't know you could call an MTO for a hug.  I wish Bepa called one.

Why is Elf *always* whacking off during matches?  It's poor form, dude.

Pic This: Hangover Edition

A lovely lazy Saturday morning.  I actually wish I could say I was hungover.  Then I'd have an better excuse than normal to lie on the couch under a blanket and watch tennis all day.

Nice run by Dani into the Round of 16.  I hope she's happy.

Yes, you have long limbs.  We get it.

The magic Comp Kit runs out of gas.  But a fantastic run for MaKiri.

Flying Jo.

10% pasta, 90% win.

Pic This: Muggy

Day 3 is in the books and the first rounds on both sides are complete.  

Hike up your socks, folks, it's just getting interesting.

Surrealism.

Still the best hair in tennis.

The WAGs are out in full force.

Happy and no headlights.  Win.

Daniellibria

So here's some news.  Dani's switching from Nike to Adidas and will wear the Adilibria line during the US Open.  I really didn't see that one coming.  Me thinks Nike has tapped Vika as their new #2 face. 

Interesting choice, but doesn't it seem right for Vika to be in the Nike staple and Dani to be with the Bunny Ranch girls?  She's already booking her ticket to Vegas:

One of the aspects of the adidas approach that is so attractive moving into the next stage of my career is the adidas Player Development Program. Knowing that I can seek guidance from the best in the world as part of the adidas team makes for an invaluable partnership.

Anyway, here's hoping the Adilibria line's billowy tops will take care of her chronic headlight sitch.

"She's a brick...house...."

(Yahoo is anti-awesome and doesn't have any pics from tonight's match.
So this will have to do.  Pic from maryc)

I'm so glad I was able to find a stream for the Sam/Sveta match because Sammy played great.  Served well (less power, more placement) and really moved Sveta all around the court.  She also had some great opportunities to serve and volley and show how well she can read points.  I do feel really bad for Sveta.  that's a really tough second round draw.  But Sam's win means a potential LA final rematch with Flavs in the next round.  Fingers crossed!

Other than the huge scalping that took place earlier in the day when K-Bond knocked out Venus, it was business as usual for the ladies.  The only other upset (and upsetting it was) was Dani giving up a 4-1 or 5-1 lead in the second set to Svedova and eventually losing 76 in the second set.  Shvedova took a medical timeout and Dani just combusted.  You know, like Dani tends to do. 

Singles - Second Round
(Q) Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) d. (3) Venus Williams (USA) 16 75 64
Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. (6) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 64 63

Singles - First Round
(9) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 63 63
(11) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) d. (Q) Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) 26 63 62
(12) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 63 63
(16) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) d. Sara Errani (ITA) 64 62
Virginie Razzano (FRA) d. Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 67(3) 60 62
Zheng Jie (CHN) d. Elena Vesnina (RUS) 63 62
Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 64 64
Shahar Peer (ISR) d. (Q) Monica Niculescu (ROU) 64 46 76(4)
(Q) Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Kaia Kanepi (EST) 64 76(3)
(Q) Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) d. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 76(1) 76(4)
(Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) d. (Q) Julie Coin (FRA) 26 61 76(6)
(WC) Kim Clijsters (BEL) d. (Q) Elena Baltacha (GBR) 63 64

Doubles - First Round
(6) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. King/Niculescu (USA/ROU) 61 75
Dushevina/Rodionova (RUS/RUS) d. (7) Groenefeld/Schnyder (GER/SUI) 36 76(1) 108
Kleybanova/Makarova (RUS/RUS) d. (8) Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) 62 62
A.Radwanska/Wozniacki (POL/DEN) d. Yan/Zheng (CHN/CHN) 64 46 107
Jans/Rosolska (POL/POL) d. (WC) Fichman/Wozniak (CAN/CAN) 16 76(5) 104

15

15 straight matches.  That's the kind of roll Flavia's on right now.


In the battle of The Nice Girls, Flavia took out Dani, 63 63. 

She'll play Dinara tomorrow.

Whoops, Almost Forgot!

Dani scored a hard fought and solid win over Bepa, 76(6) 06 76(5).  If there was ever a tennis match that proved that naps increase productivity, this was the one.  That's the only explanation for Dani's second set disappearance.

Also, as further evidence of the craziness of this sport we call tennis, Bepa won 18 games and Dani won 12.  Talk about a match that was decided by a few points.

Oh, I Hope You Know What You're In For, Pops.

That is a true fan.  She's wearing the Olympic kit and showing off her belly and everything.  Good on you, Papa.  He's even rockin the Krajan hair.

 

Dina needed all the help she could get to scrape by Roberta Vinci today.  She dropped the first 26 and then had to battle back from breaks down in the second and third set, before breaking for the win, 26 75 64.  Looks like the serve was pretty wonktastic, as she threw in 10 double faults.

Dina's not the only one who had to grind out a win.  It took Sorana 75 75 to beat Meghan Shaughnnessy (she's still playing?), Dani had to come back from a set down to beat Errani, And Agnes needed 5 and 5 to take out the always riveting Ula.

You know who didn't have to work too hard for a win?  Shuai Peng.  She dumped out Domi at 2 and 1.  Hee.

And in other upset news, Nads "R-r-r-ruffles have R-r-r-ridges" bowed out to A-Bond.

On Guts Alone

Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Or something to that effect.

How ridiculous is it that this match was nowhere to be found on TV or streams?  Maria battled back after dropping a very tight first set to beat #3 seed Vicky, 6-7 (4), 6-4, 6-2.  Vicks Vaporub said after the match that she was rusty from not playing since SW19.  Probably true.  But Masha showed again why she's awesome: She can gut out matches like this where she's playing like crap and simply beat you on will alone.  You go, girl.

In early action, Ana has taken back her Adilibria gear and Dina is once again back to her asexual Competition kit.  And her hand is all taped up, which is odd. 

But she beat a taped up Dani pretty easily 62 64.

Love Flavia's new Sergio kit.  Also love that she's winning.  She beat Coco Vandeweghe 2 and 4.

Singles - Second Round
(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 62 64
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (3) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) 67(4) 64 62
(5) Nadia Petrova (RUS) d. Shahar Peer (ISR) 64 26 63
Urszula Radwanska (POL) d. (7) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 64 67(6) 64
(8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 62 61
(10) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (WC) Coco Vandeweghe (USA) 62 64
(12) Li Na (CHN) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 46 64 62
(13) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 62 64
(14) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. Elena Vesnina (RUS) 64 46 60
(17) Sabine Lisicki (GER) d. Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 61 64
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Lucie Safarova (CZE) 57 64 75
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 63 36 61
Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (Q) Jill Craybas (USA) 76(2) 61

Doubles - First Round
(1) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. Ruano Pascual/Zheng (ESP/CHN) 64 64
King/Niculescu (USA/ROU) d. (3) Pennetta/Raymond (ITA/USA) 75 63
(4) Hsieh/Peng (TPE/CHN) d. Poutchek/Savchuk (BLR/UKR) 62 63
Kirilenko/A.Radwanska (RUS/POL) d. Kudryavtseva/Rodionova (RUS/RUS) 62 46 104

OhThankGod.

(warning: i'm a bit tipsy right now)

Yay! The pretty girl won.  She beat Vania King 64 46 61.  Apparently her backhand and toss were wonky.  But tell me something new.   A win is a win and she'll fight another day.  She'll play the winner of MaKiri/Stosur.  I love you, Sam, but I gotta root for MaKiri, even though that's the most pathetic thing ever.

In other good news, Dani beat Melanie Oudin (sorry, Mel) 67(3) 62 62.  I hate to root against Melanie but it's nice to see Dani beating quality competition.  Dani went on to team with Ai to win their dubs match.  I'm sure there were smiles all around.

And in other news, even if it means I get my ass handed to me by German teenagers, I would like to state for the record that I want Kimiko's body when I'm 38 years old.  She lost to Sabine but she's still an inspiration.

Finally, after brokering the release of the US journalists from North Korea, Bepa returned to beat Peng Shuai, 36 63 76(6).  Sure, the US press gives credit to Slick Willy, but we all know what's up.

Also, Sorana took out the loud mouthed Burrito in three, and CanWoz beat Bethanie in a tight two setter, 75 75.

Singles - Second Round
(2) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 36 63 76(6)
(6) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) d. (WC) Vania King (USA) 64 46 61

Singles - First Round
(12) Li Na (CHN) d. Ayumi Morita (JPN) 60 20 ret. (GI illness)
(13) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Monica Niculescu (ROU) 61 62
(14) Zheng Jie (CHN) d. (Q) Olga Savchuk (UKR) 75 16 62
(17) Sabine Lisicki (GER) d. (Q) Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN) 76(5) 26 75
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. (Q) Melanie Oudin (USA) 67(3) 62 62
Sorana Cirstea (ROU) d. (WC) Michelle Larcher de Brito (POR) 64 75
Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA) 75 75
Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) d. Melinda Czink (HUN) 36 64 61
Maria Kirilenko (RUS) d. (Q) Chanelle Scheepers (RSA) 46 63 61
Urszula Radwanska (POL) d. Julie Coin (FRA) 61 62

Doubles - First Round
(2) Hantuchova/Sugiyama (SVK/JPN) d. (WC) Craybas/Gullickson (USA/USA) 64 61
Garbin/Schiavone (ITA/ITA) d. Shaughnessy/Spears (USA/USA) 61 64
A.Bondarenko/Vesnina (UKR/RUS) d. Kleybanova/Makarova (RUS/RUS) 64 76(4)

Dani California

I'm starting to get the sense that Dani just really likes playing tennis in California.  Nice win for her last night, coming back 4-6, 7-6 (8-6), 6-1, to beat seventh seed A-Rad.  She'll play Lena D in the quarters on Friday.

Wednesday's Results:
Singles - Second Round
(3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 61 62
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (5) Nadia Petrova (RUS) 61 62
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. (7) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 46 76(6) 61
Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Monica Niculescu (ROU) 61 75

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(2) Williams/Williams (USA/USA) d. Dekmeijere/Ditty (LAT/USA) 61 60

Doubles - First Round
(1) Black/Huber (ZIM/USA) d. Haynes/Savchuk (USA/UKR) 61 63
(3) Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Kudryavtseva/Poutchek (RUS/BLR) 46 64 104
Chan/Niculescu (TPE/ROU) d. Foretz/Spears (FRA/USA) 64 26 106

Thursday OOP:
Stadium (from 12.00hrs)
1. S.Williams vs. Czink
2. Kudryavtseva vs. V.Williams (NB 14.00hrs)
3. Oudin vs. Bartoli
4. Cirstea/Kirilenko vs. Coin/Pelletier
5. Jankovic vs. Lisicki (NB 19.00hrs)
6. Kleybanova/Rodionova vs. Mattek-Sands/Petrova

"When You're Smiling, The Whole World Smiles With You..."

C Note happy.

Some nice stories developing out of Stanford today.  In the battle of "I swear you guys, it wasn't a fluke!" Sammy Stones upset wee Domi 4 and 3.  I have no idea how Mono got pushed to a 76(6) tiebreaker by Ayumi, but yeah, that happened.  MaKiri battled it out with the still slumping Chakky and come out on top (settle down, boys) in the "Oh, Jesus. Just flip a coin" match of the day.  And my little headcase Dani notched a solid win, beating CanWoz in a tight one, 64 46 75. 

And as if a picture of Dani smiling and looking like Anakin wasn't enough, the tennis gods had to give me even more awesomeness when Julie "I got drunk last night at Blue Chalk and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" Coin got bounced by Alla.  Suck it, Drunk Tank!

And oh yeah.  JJ played.

(2) Venus Williams (USA) d. (WC) Stephanie Dubois (CAN) 62 63
(4) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. (Q) Angela Haynes (USA) 63 61
Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. (6) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 64 63
(8) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Ayumi Morita (JPN) 76(6) 63
Sabine Lisicki (GER) d. (Q) Lilia Osterloh (USA) 62 63
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 64 46 75
Maria Kirilenko (RUS) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 64 57 76(5)
(Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) d. Julie Coin (FRA) 61 76(5)

Three Dani Posts In One Day? Don't Mind If I Do.

She is smiling! And she calls her "Sugi"!  Zadorbz.

Air Quotes: "Oooh, You Make Me Live Whatever This World Can Give To Me."

You have to face Sugiyama again to team up in the doubles. Are you going to say sorry when you meet her?

"Yeah, I already said sorry after the match. You know, it was quite funny before the match. We were warming up at the same place. We just had to make sure we were not going to sit on the same bench."

-- Dani H, in a pretty funny mood after her third round win.

Pic This: "Lookin' For Fun and Feelin' Groovaaaaay..."

She looks so happy!  [squeal!]


Look!  Whatshernameova is into the fourth round of Wimbledon.  Crazy.


I feel ya, hair.  I feel ya.


Yes, Fer.  You're SO pretty.  Move on. 


Oh look.  You did.  Congrats.


This is the same look I had when I saw "Thriller" for the first time when I was 5.  Literally.


Hey Ladies, do you have that not-so-fresh feeling?

You're welcome.


Hehe.  Dudi.


Dudes.  Tranny vs. Gypsy on Monday. 

If you feel a cold wind blowin, London, you know why.


You creep me out, TechnoKing.  You creep me out.


Sara Foster tries to combine the best traits from Mirka and Kim and fails miserably. 

Is that Blackberry from 2005?  Hey oh!


Aw.  Much love, losers.


I TAKE IT BACK!  PUT ON THE VEST!  PUT ON THE VEST!

Pic This: Feel Good Edition.

Wow.  Those guys are really talented.  You really have to keep your head still.


I could just drink a whole bottle of vodka off that.  After I do my laundry, of course.


Uh...don't you have a "not feeling too good" wife to get to? 

Can't you survey your conquered kingdom another time?


Round 2, Phil.  Round 2.

Props to AiRon Woman.  She is a thousand years old, this is her gajillionth Slam, and she's into the third round.  Unfortunately she's going to have to crush the soul of her BFF in the next round.

Jesus, are they teaching everyone at the Bunny Ranch the Jackknife Pump?


I just can't get over that hair.  Seriously, kid, give you big brother my number, k?


So...I'm going to go out on a limb and say the competitive fire hasn't died.


I don't know why but pics of an exhausted Mono always crack me up.


Word.


Fair and balanced.


A smiling Dani will always warm the cockles of my cold dead soul. 

Or at least the black cavity where my soul used to be. 

Obligatory Nole shot for donkeygrooming, seeing as how her other two faves are now out of the tourney.

He covered up the GOATknuckle!  Mirka totally reads Forty Deuce, y'all.


Man.  Vika looks weird.

This totally endeared me to Tommy, who I have always felt bad for but never really felt *anything* for.  A really cool unscripted moment.

Ack!  Mirka shaved her head!!!

Jay Z Gets Ghosted

*cranes neck and looks up* What's going on?

Look who's into the second round.  Good for you, Dani.  She upset Jay-Z, 63 75, to advance to the third round.  Impressive stuff, Dani.  Proud of you.

Though, please, let's take a moment to pour one out for my fallen homie.  This bottle of Cris goes out to you, HOVA.

It's Probably For The Best

 

L-Rob did well for herself to take the first set off Dani, but she ran out of steam and Dani upped her game to take it in three and eliminate Britain's Other Great White Hope.

Seriously, though.  This is a good thing.  Let's let Muzz carry the torch this year, kiddo.   

"I Was Walking With A Ghost, I Said Please, Please Don't Insist."

Well it looked a little dicey there in the first, as Dina got 'sticked by Hantu, which apparently means "ghost" in Indonesian (thanks, tennislust!).  But the Dina did what she does and Dani did what she does and Dina won the next two sets, 64 63.  She'll advance to the semis to face Touchdown Tammy, who took out Flavs in three.  Boo, Flavs.  BOO.

(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. (6/WC) Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 16 64 63
Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) d. (3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 26 63 63
Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. Olga Govortsova (BLR) 61 63
(WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. Kristina Barrois (GER) 61 61

1-1

That's Serena's new record against Klara Zakopalova for the '09 clay court season.  So... there's that.  I can't really say anything about anyone's level of play since I didn't watch very much of it, but I can say that Serena's knee wrap looked oddly high tech.  Although I could be making that up in my head.

I don't think she's even wearing jewelry from her own line. What kind of marketing strategy is that, Serena?  

There were other matches this morning, of course, mostly wrapped around a two hour rain delay...

Jelena's new not-entirely-horrible, but not-entirely-awesome Anta dress made its debut today. That's also a pretty good summary of how she played against Petra Cetkovska-- it's kind of like her game is currently on a factory reset: the big problem is gone, but none of the old programming has been reinstalled yet. Competent, and certainly enough to get her through the first two or three rounds, but not entirely solid yet. Meanwhile, look who's wearing pink!

Man. If, in some alternate universe, it ended up being a Dinara/Sveta final, Sveta would immediately have the upper hand because Dinara would be so. Jealous. Sveta played a really solid match against Claire Feuerstein, a French journeywoman who turned out to be much better than anyone thought she'd be-- possibly including Feuerstein herself.

'Round the ATP side, Nicolas Lapentti did his part to get Philippe Chartrier back on schedule by retiring down 4-6, 1-3 to Nole.  

  

Lapentti rolled his ankle-- which was already heavily taped-- towards the end of the first set, and obviously never got comfortable again. Nole looked calm and collected, had some silly misses, but mostly looked in perfectly good shape for the beginning of the tournament. 

Other results thus far: Monfils, Kohlscreiber, JMDP, Gicquel, Seppi and Disco Tommy all through easily in straight sets. Juan Monaco just knocked out Marcos-- Marcos, we hardly knew ye.  Caro, unsurprisingly, took the third set against Vera D fairly easily (6-1). The Gypsy prolonged Dani's misery by beating her in straight sets, Ruano Pascal did the same to Nikki V. Aleks Wozniak went through in 3, U-Rad went out in 3. Lena D through in straights, but went down a couple of breaks in the first. Sania's out and Dokic is through (only her second win since the AO?!). Quality guy Ivan Ljubicic is in a deciding set with Ferrero and Jo Willy and Apricot Bars are locked down in battle on Chartrier, but ESPN2 has decided I'd rather watch Blah. They are incorrect. Thank god for livestreaming. One note: conditions today have been terrible-- hours of rain delays this morning, terrible wind ever since. It looks like hell out there.

French Wall

"You're gonna have to get through me first."

The Cone collapsed, Momo stood tall, and Slovakia gave it their all.  And in the end, France avoided relegation by taking the tie 3-2.

Poor Cone.  Is there any other player right now that has lost so many close matches?  She lost the first rubber to Dani 67 63 64, and the third rubber to Domi 62 57 64.  She's now 0-6 in Fed Cup.

Which meant it all rested on the strong shoulders of Momes.  She took her singles rubbers over Dani (75 64) and Domi (46 62 63), then teamed up with Natalie Dechy to beat Dani/Domi 46 61 64.

So congrats to the Pastries.  They're the only team in the playoffs not to get relegated.

Who'd This Kid Have To Schtoop To Get Creds?

Time For Kids sent, well, a kid, to cover IW.  I actually saw her all over the place.  Hard worker, that one.  Methinks Time better be sure they're not breaking any child labor laws.  I know times are tough, but come on.

Thanks to noname for the link.

Scenes From A J.Crew Catalog

This pic made me fantastically happy for Dina.  You go you normal girl, you!


That photographer is FOS if he's saying he didn't retouch this pic.  Also, why did the fashion designers insist on putting flat as a board Dani into a dress that *clearly* requires some fun bags?  Unacceptable.


Hey look!  The 70s!


How much you want to be this will be her ANTA dress at Roland Garros? 
Also, does JJ have any other poses?  I'm pretty I've seen this one a thousand times before.

 
A giggling Cone is way better than a faux-sexy cone. 
She actually looks 30 in that second one.  And let's face it, 30 is fucking OLD.


So. Much. Awesome.


We can all argue about a lot of things, but Baby E has the best tan in tennis. 
Also, she looks like she's about to star in a karaoke video.


Dudes.  Talk about MAN FEET.


"I have a black belt...in SEX."

(Pics from Tennis Forum)

We Get It, Dinara. You're Just A Normal Girl. So Noted.

So much awesomeness. Whether it be Ana's "here's my butthole" dress, Dina's patented shrug mid-shoot, or Dani talking as though she's lived through the Great Depression, my love for the WTA has been rekindled. But why do they insist on making Ana look like Catherine Zeta-Jones? Let the kid dress like kid for goodness sakes.

Random Smatterings From Around The IW Grounds

I will always, always, always love Agi's "who farted" face.  It pwns.

 
Rafa's butt.

Muzz looking good in red while practicing with a shirted (!) Ross.

The Kaiser of Techno trying to jog off his loss to Fer.

Dani heading to practice.

MaKiri noshing on a Drumstick while on her way to watch Igor play Lubey.

"Is now a good time for an autograph?  Oh you can't hear me?  Cool."

New Forty Deuce fave Anastasia Pavlychenkova.  That's the last time you'll see me spell that.  She shall heretoforth be known as "Latisha".  Look it up.

Momes having a grand ole time, playing soccer and pulling a Chastain.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

Box Seats Are Nice

Especially when they're free. Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Pic This: More From Saturday @ IW

Daveed.

Some dude.

Dani

Dima yukking it up on the practice field with Viktor.

Daveed and Chucho taking a breather.

Rod Laver explaining to Bud Collins what Roger has to do to beat Rafa (seriously).

She actually looks like she knows what she's doing in this pic.

Gilly and the beautiful surroundings.  And smog.  But let's focus on the positive here.

Rafa at night.  Dude was MOBBED.

Sania does not look convinced by Sven's advice.  She would lose serve in the very next game and stare angrily at Sven. 

(Pics for Forty Deuce by C Note and Love All)

Pic This: New BFFs?

Posing sopping wet in bikinis together will do that to you.

Does Dani Have A New Coach?

Last year at IW, Dani's coach was from the Sanchez-Casal Academy.  He was this awesomely short, mustachioed Spanish guy who drilled her for hours on end (ew!  Not like that!).  She had great results with him though, getting to the AO semis and the IW quarters.

Looks like little Spanish dude is gone.  This is Thomas Hogstedt of Sweden, working with Dani today at IW.  Nice to see her change it up, though.  Good luck, Dani!

When You Play For Dildos, You Play For Keeps

This year marks the first year BNP Paribas will be sponsoring the tournament in Indian Wells.  In previous years it was sponsored by Pacific Life Open, an insurance company,
whose logo was a big ol whale.
 
I would think that the whale is now retired.  So here's a salute to the Dildo Whale, which many a fine player has worked very hard and spilled a lot of sweat to get their mouths and hands around. 

Wow.  That was a REALLY awkward sentence.


Nole is all love with his whale.  Kissing and stroking...a certain
Tenacious D song is now running in my head.


 Masha's the only one that actually seems to treat the whale like a trophy. 
Hmmm...I think there's some symbolism there.


Dani looks awfully smug with her whale, no?


Pinchy, pinchy.


The couple that plays together...

 
Not surprisingly, Ana doesn't look like she knows what to do with the thing.

But no one, no one enjoys whale as much as Rafa:

I've been told that's really horrible technique, BTW.  Just spreadin' the word.

Pic This: We Miss Masha Too But Come On, Nike.

 

Dani's SI Interview Hilarity

What was your reaction to getting into the Swimsuit Issue?

It was very, very exciting. I think it is every girl's dream to be part of SI, and it was a fantastic experience. [Not sure it's every girl's dream to be part of the SWIMSUIT issue of SI, but maybe it's different in Slovakia]

You're a professional athlete. Do you think modeling is hard?

Compared to tennis, it is very easy. We have to perform on the highest physical level almost every day of the week. You're focused much, much more and it is very hard on your body and mentally as well. The traveling is pretty much the same.  [Translation: A retard could look this good.  You know what takes skill?  Blowing a 6-0 2-0 lead in a Grand Slam semifinal.  THAT? Takes skill]

What makes you feel sexy?

Wearing high heels and a jean skirt.  [So...looking like a hooker?  Seriously, a jean skirt???  Do people still wear jean skirts?]

Who's your dream guy?

Someone who has the best heart, makes me laugh and is the best person inside.  [Nothing but the best for Dani.]

What is your most memorable first?

Winning my first match when I was 6-years-old.  [Sorry, dude who took her virginity.]

People have said that I look like...

They say I look like Mischa Barton. I don't think so, but many people have told me that. [I don't think so.]

The world's hottest athlete is...

Kobe Bryant or Adam Scott.  [You've been warned, Baby E]

For All The Marat Love You Had To Endure

I now give you the WTA ladies of SI.  Mind you, I'm drafting this post with my office door open.  Risky.  Very Risky.

I had heard about this shoot a few months ago but I didn't know that Dani was participating.  I mean, Tati, sure.  What else does she have on her schedule other than smoking and hanging out at cafes.  And of course MaKiri is the go-to glamour Masha on tour who doesn't say no to stuff like this.  But good for Dani.  I still want to feed her a sandwich or four though.

The full set of pictures can be seen at SI's site.  There's also video.  A look at the pics makes a few things clear.  Dani will not smile, Tati will not keep her clothes on, and MaKiri is way cuter on the tennis court.  That last one I'm sure the boys will disagree with but her whole spread (ahem) wasn't all that spectacular. 

Tati's the most natural of all of them.  Girl takes a good picture.  Though really, are we that surprised?  She's French, which means she likes getting naked and hates people flipping her off.

 

 

 

 

 

Was There Only One Pink Hat?

First of all, Awww....

Second, this picture makes me feel like I'm on acid. 

Third, Ana has, in addition to Man Hands, Man Feet.  Look at those boats!

Ahem.

Congrats to Team Serbia, who knocked out the expected win today with both AI and JJ going 4-0 in the tie.  They love on to the World Group I playoff, where they'll play one of the teams that lost their World Group I tie (China, Argentina, France, or Spain).  Since we all know the Chinese are like kryptonite to our Lady Serbs, let's not hope for them.  Or France.  Or Spain.  So basically, Argentina.

Look at Dani.  There's so much going on there.  I dare you not to laugh.  It's not doable.  Don't even try.

Team Slovakia is into the World Group playoff after Domi clinched the tie with her win in the first rubber of the day.  Dani sat out the second match and was replaced by Wienerova.

That's not important, really.  I just wanted to say Wienerova.

Team Bondarenko, err...I mean Team Ukraine, beat Israel 3-2, by taking the doubles match.  How appropriate.

No word on whether Alona still has to marry that old dude.

Last but not least, Germany took the doubles match to beat Switzerland, 3-2.  ALG led the way after Sabine dropped the first match of the day to Peppermint Patty.  ALG went on to beat the racoon-eyed Timea in straight sets, and then tamed up wth Tatjana Malek to beat Patty and Voegele 4 and 3. 

The draw for the World Group playoffs will be held on Tuesday.

Phew!

Serbia 2, Japan 0

It was a little touch and go there and Ana's still serving like crap, but she somehow came away with a 64 64 win over Ai to kick off Team Serbia's 2009 campaign to get into World Group I.  JJ had a much easier go, beating Morumi 61 60.  So Serbia is 2-0 and they'll kick off the reverse singles with JJ/Ai (rematch of AO) and then, if necessary, Ana/Morumi.  At this point it wouldn't surprise me if Ana took the match just for the court time.  Let's also hope that the girls stick it out for doubles in front of the home crowd.

Italy 2, France 0

The drama tie so far has to be Italy/France.  Even though Italy has a 2-0 lead, it didn't come easily.  Flavia came back from a set down to beat Momo 26 76(7) 64.  Great win for Flavs.  Maybe this will kick start her season.  But sad face for Momo.  She really should have taken this in straights.

You know there's drama whenever The Cone is involved.  It's like horseshoes and hand grenades.  She lost to Tranny, 61 26 86 in match that lasted over two hours.

Slovak Republic 2, Belgium 0

 
SuperGirl returned and took her match in straights over Wickmayer, 76(2) 63.  And Domi took out The Flipper, 76(4) 61.  Looks like they're well on their way in advancing to play the winner of Germany/Switzerland. Dur.  Nevermind.

Russia 2, China 0

Duh.

Germany 1, Switzerland 1

The two split Day 1 but Day 2 should be the interesting one.  Lisicki will play Patty and ALG will play Timea.  You have to think ALG has the game to beat Timea easily, which means the Swiss hopes are all on Patty to beat Sabine.  That should be a fun match, actually.

As a side note, can someone tell Sabine that she's not a figure skater, nor is she a teenage aspiring fashion designer brat kid sister in Manhattan either.  Lay.  Off.  The Eye Makeup.

Czech Republic 1, Spain 1

Petra Kvitova had a nice win over CSN, holding off a late comeback charge, 64 64.  But perrenial midriff flaunter Iveta couldn't keep her lead, eventually losing to Llagostera Vives 16 61 64.  Still, you have to think Spain has this one given their doubles prowess.

Ukraine 1, Israel 1

Shahar Peer is one of those players that always scares me in Fed Cup.  Like she kicks it into a whole different gear when you slap that flag on her back.  Must be the military training.  Anyway, she kept Israel in the hunt by beating K Bond 63 67(6) 63.  The winner of this tie will play Serbia (if Serbia wins).

Double Trouble

Dani and Ai pulled off a nice upset in doubles today, coming back to take out top seeded Black and Huber, 67(0) 63 76(10).  I know I never really cover doubles but I do cover Dani and I'll take any opportunity to show her genuinely happy and smiling.