Forty Deuce

Pardon Me: Caroline Wozniacki

[Welcome to a new regular FD feature called "Pardon Me", wherein I...well...you'll see.]

Cibulkova d. Wozniacki, 63 63, Sydney Rd 1.

Q. What did you think of today?

CW:  Well, it's always -- at the start of the new season you always need to get into the match play.  I didn't feel that I was playing great tennis out there.  So definitely now I just need to get some sets going and some training matches, head to Melbourne and get ready for Melbourne.  You know, last year I had the same start, so hopefully slow start, good finish.

[But...if you wanted match play, why the exos?  Oh, yeah, money.  Right.  Well I hope it was worth it.  "Slow start, good finish."  Did you read that on a wine bottle?]

Q. Does it knock your confidence around at all, a loss like this?

CW: No, I mean it happens.  Sometimes you win; sometimes you lose.  You need to learn from the losses.  Again, it's the first tournament of the year.  I just want to get the match playing going.  You know, there were a few positive things in there that I can take out of it, and then I just need to work on the rest.  But I'm confident that for Melbourne I'll be okay.

[Ah, the "shit happens" explanation.  Insightful.  But again, if you knew you wanted match play before the Open (and all signs point to you being a player that plays better with matches under her belt) why the exos?  Why not play Brisbane and have Sydney on back-up?  Oh yeah, money.  Ok.]

Q. What were the positives?

CW: Well there were different things, like in some situations where I pulled it off pretty good.  But, you know, there are a lot of things I need to talk to my dad and my coach about, and also I just need to get some points going and get to play some matches against some of the other girls.  That's what I'm going to do now.

[VAGUE MUCH???  "There were positives!" "What were the positives?" "You know, the things I did well!" "Which were?" "The positives!"  "RIGHT-O!"]

Q. You said the other day you were comfortable with the new racquet.  Is there anything that you're struggling with to make that adjustment?

CW: No, I mean, it's a very good racquet.  There is nothing with the racquet, so...

[You're goddamned right there's nothing with the racquet.  You sure they didn't just paint Ana's old blue one and hand you a stack?  Cuz that piece of shit was a piece of shit.]

You know, last year I had the same start.  You know, I'm going into Melbourne and having my head high.  I'm playing good; I'm playing well.  Just need to get that going in the matches.

[Oh, you're playing good?  You're playing well?  ZOK.  And what is this metric based on?  The "practice match" that you lost in Hong Kong 0 and 1?  The real match yesterday, which you lost 3 and 3 and didn't play well?  Oh, and by the way, you lost first round here last year, were seeded fourth at the Open, and lost in the round of 16 in straight sets to Nails.  I don't think looking to last year's result as proof that you have nothing to worry about is really the way to go here, Crazy. 

Also, I saw three of your practice sessions.  You're a fucking liar.  You weren't hitting the ball well at all.]

Q. The way she was able to attack your second serve, was that worrying at all?

CW. No, I mean, you know -- no.

[...]

----------------------------

Prove me wrong, Caro.  Dare you to prove me wrong.  But there is absolutely no one out there that has confidence in what you're bringing to the Open next week.  Your dad was screaming his head off at you during your post-match hit.  Everyone is FREAKING THE SHIT OUT.

Well, everyone except the other 127 ladies in the draw.  And a chick boredly painting her nails in Los Angeles.  She's got that Cheshire Cat grin goin', I'm sure.

(Transcript: ASAP Sports)

CAAAAAAAAAAAARNAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

Caro loses to Domi 3 and 3, Vera loses to Flavia, 5 and 5, and in the best match of the tournament so far, Sveta takes out Sam, 36 63 64.  That's #1, #2, and #4 out in one day.  Ouch.

Caro was predictably delusional in her presser.  More on that later. 

As for Vera, she acknowledged, as she should, that Flavia is no slouch, but it was her inconsistency that was her undoing.  "There were some good points, good shots, and there were some bad points and bad shots.  I think overall the consistency wasn't there, but I tried to, you know know, keep doing what I had to do.  There were moments where I was thinking too much about technical stuff, sometimes too much about tactical stuff, and I was not able to find that good balance between playing technically good and tactically good.  That imbalance gave me a lot of inconsistency."

The kid has a way with words.  More:

"I came here from Hong Kong, and I didn't really get the chance to really play points and some practice sets, so of course I had to try to find my rhythm in the match.  Different conditions from what I've been training in and what I played in Hong Kong.  The courts are different, balls are different, windy.  So taking all this in consideration, it was very difficult for me to produce very good tennis today.  but I tried my best, and I definitely can see some moments where I can improve.  That's why I'm pretty conident and positive that next few days, if I train well and if I play those practice sets, I will be able to put it together.  Then i can really raise the level of my game for the Australian Open."

So there you go.  It was actually a really positive presser from Vera.  She was smiley, had good perspective, and as always, thoughtful.  But watching a bit of her match all I could think was that she didn't look as fit as she did in New York or Doha.  She seems to be carrying a bit of extra weight and I honestly couldn't tell if it was "unfit" weight or "hit the gym and bulked up JJ-style" weight.  But it worried me.

And then there's this girl, who I must say, I'm the least worried about.  There's no shame in losing to Sveta when she's playing well.  And by golly she played great today.  As she acknowledged afterwards, it was for sure the best she'd played since San Diego.  I mean, Sveta was hitting the ball into the court, you guys.  That's a victory in and of itself.  She did a good job of moving Sam around the court, but also holding her own in their brutally crushing forehand rallies.  You want to see some hitting?  Watch a Sam and Sveta match when they bring their B+ games.  Holy crapola.

Sam played well.  She served at 75% and was 2/2 on her break point chances.  But her forehand let her down on the big points, missing by less than a centimeter a few times.  She's feeling confident going into Melbourne, though.  She'll stick around Sydney to practice given the weather issues in Melbourne making practice courts scarce.  Then again, I'm writing this as the skies have opened up to cancel matches, so I'm not too sure the weather here is that great either.

And for those who are wondering, her family hasn't been affected by the horrible flooding in Queensland.  Knock on wood.

Pic This: Guuuuuurl, Frizz-Ease. Google It.

(Pic: Getty)

I Don't Think It Matters That I Have No Idea What This Is.

I'm laughing. Out loud. Mainly because Caro won.

Sorana's Still In The Top 100?

The WTA put together a list of the young guns in the top 100. 

Don't look directly into Bojangles' eyes.  You'll turn into awesome.

Muppets Get Zits, Too.

Nice girl, like her, wish her the best.  But seriously, I cannot get over the muppet voice.  I have to fight the urge to punch her in the face. 

So That's How It All Shook Out.

I still have to do a double take when I see Ana ahead of Masha.  It seemed as Masha was actually part of the conversation at every Slam, while Ana had an eight month pity party.  Solid years from Nails and Shahar (though really, how did that happen?) and nice to see Lil' Mash and Pavs finish the year with the highest year-end rankings of their careers.  Hell, that can be said of a lot of the ladies: Caro, Bepa, Sam, Fran, Nails and Shahar, to name a few.

As for the guys, it's still weird to see Mischa in the top 10 and I'm shocked that Marin's first six weeks basically carried him to a top 15 ranking.  But what's really surprising is the Tournaments Played stat. 

Muzz played the fewest number of tournaments in the top 25, only 19, which is two fewer than the three big boys ahead of him.  Sod played 24 tourneys and Tomas played 26(!), and I don't think this includes Davis Cup ties. 

Marcos played 29 tournaments?  That just makes his participation in New Haven either Herculean or Dumb and Dumber, depending on your take.  Speaking of Dumb and Dumber, Sam Q really needs to take a look at his schedule next year.  27 tournaments?  No wonder the guy was gassed through the second half of the year.

I'm still blown away that Andy only played 19 tournaments.  That explains my state of constant longing. 

"Ahhhhhh!!!! KELLY CLARKSON!"

Random fact: This line was totally improvised.

Caroline Wozniacki is the new face of ProActiv.  Her ProActiv story is full of hilares.  First of all, you weren't really in the public eye at 15, kid.  Let's be real.  Second, her dad pointed it out?  RUDE!  Third, you know she's totally referring to JJ in the fifth paragraph.  Heh.  Last, I totally know ProActiv works but maybe it would a better sell if they didn't post clearly photoshopped pictures of her.

Oh, also, she's recorded a song for charity called "Oxygen", which, incidentally, is also good for the skin.  According to Piotr, the song is about how a woman needs a man like she needs oxygen.  Which...is not how I was brought up.

So yes, the Kelly Clarkson reference was relevant.  Caro should be happy.  I could have just as easily gone with the Beeb.

Pic This: It's All About Motivation.

(Pics: Getty)

No Racquets Required.

Heh.  I love that Sam still has her Doha polish.

WTA Superfans rounds up some of the ladies' vacay plans. 

Long torso.  Short legs.  Corgi.  Rest up, Sammy.  I want you to be like this in eight weeks:

BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS.

Air Quotes: The Final Word

The WTA season is officially over.  I think I speak for everyone when I say "othankgod".  I definitely need a break.  And alcohol.  Maybe some decriminalized, but not legalized, drugs.

But before we wrap it up, here are some good quotes from Doha:

Pulpo Sam Does It Again.

 

And so it ends much as we all predicted.

Kim and Caro played a high quality match that saw Kim seemingly crusing to victory before Caro was able to rally back from 1-4 down in the second set to force a third.  Kim was finally able to stave off the charge and take the final set 63.

All in all, a satisfying YEC in my opinion.  JJ's play and Elena's first match notwitstahnding, I thought the round robins yielded some quality tennis.  And while the semifinals were disappointing (seriously, what happened there, Vera?  And Sam?  Talk about a match turning on milimeters) the final was a nice showcase for women's tennis.  And of course, there was this, which ensures that this YEC won't be quickly forgotten.

So Kim will finish the year at #3, and with nothing to defend in Melbourne she has a very good shot at being #1 after the Australian swing.

And with that, we say goodbye to Doha and hello to Istanbul in 2011. 

Because Hallmark Doesn't Have a "Retirement at 29" Card.

More after the jump.

20-26-27-26

No, that's not my locker combination.  It's the ages of our semifinalists.

Alright.  With Vera's surprise win over Kim, in straight sets nonetheless, the semifinals are finally set.  Thanks for nothing, Vera.  You better fucking beat Caro, that's all I'll say about that.

Kim's 4-0 against Sam.  BUT Sam did finally take a set off her at the USO and, really, should have won that match.  So...ah, who am I kidding?  Just get a set off her, Sam.  That would be nice.

Despite their 3-3 H2H, based on form you gotta go with Bepa.

Let's do this, ladies.

Here's your OOP, which now includes the doubles championship:

1. Raymond/Stubbs vs. Peschke/Srebotnik (15.00hrs)
2. Kim Clijsters vs. Samantha Stosur (NB 17.30hrs)
3. Caroline Wozniacki vs. Vera Zvonareva
4. Dulko/Pennetta vs. King/Shvedova (NB 20.30hrs)

(Pics: WTA Site, Getty, AP)

My Name Is Jonas.

First of all, Jonas is hot. Second of all, LULZ. Sam's wild hair, "free radicals", JJ's creepy lurking, "maximize their beauty potential", it's all gold. But of course, no video is complete until Sneks makes a cameo.

Done and done.

The Kids Are All Right.

 

The semifinalists are set for Doha and if you look at that group it's hard to argue, as Brodie said, that of the eight players in Doha these aren't the four impact players of 2010.  You've got the world #1 who was virtually unbeatable for the second half of the year, the world #2 who found her stride and made two back to back Slam finals, a defending Grand Slam champ who will likely end the year at least #3 in the world despite having to skip a Slam, and a new giant killer who proved this year that she has the game to beat anyone on any day (yes, even people named Serena) and will finish the year as the only player to beat both Serena and Woz while they were reigning #1s, aka, the chick who turned this blogger's stone heart into melty goo.

If that alone doesn't qualify as "huge impact" then you need to go read a dictionary for a bit. 

While you do that I'll be in the corner with my Strunk & White trying to learn how to not write a sentence that goes on for seven lines.

But congrats to all four.  Sam clinched her spot after she took the first set over Elena.  Clearly she knew this and decided, as I did, to take a celebratory nap after that.  Elena would take the next two sets, 64 76(4). 

Just kidding.  It was nice to see Elena pick up her game and play well.  After that dismal performance against Caro on Tuesday it wasn't looking good for her.  But she gets her revenge on Sam.  Good on her.

Speaking of Caro, it was looking dicey has hell for the wannabe #1 after that first set, which Fran took 63.  But the Kid righted the ship and took the next two 61 61 to clinch her spot in the semis and the year-end #1 ranking. 

I haven't seen this match yet but I can't wait.  Despite the scoreline I hear there were some tremendous rallies.  You get on with your bad self, Fran.  Now go win tomorrow to get yourself a $200k paycheck (well-deserved given the amount of on-court entertainment she's brought all week) and get thee to San Diego, where I will be rooting for you to raise that Fed Cup. 

Sigh.  What are we supposed to do with you, Vika?  Look, everyone knows your potential is HUGE.  I'm pretty sure we all thought you were going to be the first kid from your generation to hit #1, not that  Danish Muppet.  But it seemed as though every time you were under the radar you'd come out of nowhere with a quality run (Stanford) and when you were over the radar (I don't know...that works, right?) you would collapse, sometimes literally.  The talent is there.  But you gotta get fitter in the body and the head.  It's just really frustrating to watch.

And mind you, I'M NOT EVEN A FAN!  I actively root for you to lose.  In fact, if I were to be blatantly honest, I pretty much root for you to literally collapse on the court (caveat: so long as you don't actually hurt yourself).  When you walk by me at tournaments I have to hug the wall for fear that I might spontaneously kick you in the kidney.  But I don't hate you as much as I love tennis and for the good of the game you need to be good.  Besides, I can't hate on you when you're losing all the time.  It just seems cruel.

Oh.  She lost to Kim, 64 57 61.  Yet another third set collapse (figuratively).  Kim's win meant both she and Bepa clinched the group.

But don't go anywhere!  There's still stuff to play for tomorrow!  I'm really looking forward to Lena vs. Fran and Kim vs. Vera.  Kim and Vera are the only undefeated players left and whoever wins will play Caro (loser gets Sam, as is life) and be eligible for bonus money for going undefeated in RR play if they win the title.  Plus, and maybe I'm naive here, but I don't think any of those four will be tanking their matches.  There's a lot of pride on the line.

Pic This: Orinoco Flow.

You know why Caro makes a great WTA #1?

Because she does a great job at not making a "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???" face when presented with shit that she would have every right asking "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???"

 

Doha 2010: Thursday OOP

First up, we've got this rematch. It would be great if Elena were fully fit and able to compete at a top level, but based on what I saw against Caro on Tuesday, that looks doubtful.  She said after the match that it wasn't her ankle but the heat that was affecting her.  Either way, she did not look great on Tuesday.

Let's go, Sammy!  Win and clinch not only your group but a year-end top 5 ranking.

And in the nightcap we have a rematch of the RG quarterfinal, where Fran really started her remarkable run by busting Caro 2 and 3.  Fran leads the H2H 2-1, but Caro won their last hard court meeting this year in Montreal fairly easily.  If Caro wins, she'll clinch the year-end ranking.  If Fran wins, well, she'll be awesome and the WTA's collective foreheads will hit the desk.

The most anticipated match of the day for most will be Vika vs. Kim.  Vika is 0-1 after losing to Bepa in straights.  Kim is 1-0 after beating JJ in straights.  Needless to say, this is a must win for Vika and it will be a good test to see where Kim's game really is.

This one's a toss-up for me, but I'm going with Kim.  She leads the H2H 2-1 with both wins coming on hardcourts.

Eclipse.

Sorry, Sunshine.  Not today.

Or as Sven might say, NOT TODAY!!!!

Apropos, methinks.

SAM!

A fantastic match from Sam, where we saw her play within herself, engage in intelligent shotmaking, and play the big points well, beating the current #1 and Never-Loser Caro, 64 63.  Seriously, this only her third loss since Wimbledon, which is crazy because she also plays, like, four tournaments a week.

Just a really clean and awesome performance from Sam.  The first set was pretty tight, with Sam having to climb out of break point holes seemingly on every service game.  But once she finally started serving and hitting into Caro's forehand, things seemed to get easier.  She was able to open up space on the court and not let Caro dictate with her backhand, which she hits much harder, flatter, and with more angle.  Caro can't dictate with her forehand and started leaving balls shorter or more in the middle of the court, which gave Sam a chance to take control with her forehand. 

But perhaps more importantly than her tactical execution, Sam played well on the key points.  Caro had six break point on the match.  Sam saved them all.  Sam had three.  She converted them all.  Not bad for a chick who was down 0-4 in the first set to Fran yesterday.

So Sam takes the clear lead in the Maroon Group.  She'll play Lena tomorrow.  A win obviously clinches the group for her (and she would play the #2 to come out of the White Group in the semis) and a loss would still get her into the semis depending on the result of the Fran/Caro match. 

"Turnaround, bright eyes..."

Doha 2010: Wednesday OOP

Day two should see more competitive matches, primarily because there are more healthy players on the slate.  That's always a plus.

First up, Vera vs. Vika.  This one's juicy and Vika's coming off a win in Moscow, but I'm going with Bepa, who leads the H2H 5-2.  Vika doesn't have a great history of performing well at back-to-back tournaments.  Then again, they've met three times this year with Vika winning two and retiring in one.  So...shit, I don't know.

Yup.  That's some quality tennis analysis right there.

Next up, Kim vs. JJ.  Something tells me I will be napping during this one.  JJ only took 3 games off Bepa and had to be put on an IV drip after the match.  So...how many do we give her off Kim?

Yeah...that's what I thought.

Kim leads the H2H 6-1, with JJ winning their last match in Toronto in 2009.

Rounding out the night, Sam vs. Caro for supremacy in the Maroon Group.  Their H2H is 2-2, though they haven't played since Osaka in 2009.  Based on recent form I'll go with Caro, though if Sam can go a full match serving the way she did in the second set against Fran, this could go Sam's way. 

Doubt it, though.  Sorry, Sammy.

Oh, also, if Caro wins she secures the year-end #1 over Bepa. 

Play starts at 5pm local time, 10am EST.

They're #1 and #2 For A Reason.

 

Caro and Bepa cruised in their first round matches, with Caro beating a hobbled Elena 1 and 1, and Bepa beating a ailing (is that vague enough?) JJ, 3 and 0.  Everybody was all like "ZOMG, this purple vagina tour is such a LOLZ!  How can anyone take it seriously?"

Well, we all know that JJ and Lena are hobbled, right?  And we know their results in the last few months haven't been great, no?  And we know that Caro and Bepa are, according to the rankings, the top two players in the world who actually play tennis full-time.  I mean, even if you can't accept that fact you have to agree that they have both had waaaaaaaay better years than Lena and JJ.  And we know that Caro and Bepa have been in good to fantastic form over the past few months.

So...how are these results surprising?  Disappointing?  Sure, I mean, everyone *hopes* for competitive matches but I don't think we had any reason to believe these were actually going to be close ones.  And if anything, wouldn't it have been more pathetic if the top two players couldn't blitz a player with one leg and another with no nose?

Calm down.  I'm referring to JJ's respirtatory issues, knee jerks.  She skipped her post-match presser, by the way.  You just keep on keepin' on, JJ.

So I'm going to be the one to say great job Caro and Bepa.  You're the top seeds in your groups and you played like it today, playing smart and contained tennis to get on and off the court quickly. 

And you did it while still being you.  Well done.

Oh, and PS, I can't wait for the handwringing and rending of garments when Rafa and Roger dole out some breadsticks and bagels in London.  Because you know there's absolutely no double standard here.  Not at all.

(Pics: Getty)

Doha 2010: Tuesday OOP

Play begins tomorrow at 5pm local time.

 Here's hoping JJ wears clothes.

First up is new world #2 Bepa vs. an already whining about injury and fatigue JJ.  JJ's just going to go out there and try her best, you guys.  The two have a 6-6 H2H but you have to like Vera in this one.  Reports from the ground say Vera is looking great in practice, JJ not so much.

Also, is she breaking out in hives or something in that picture?  That's a distracting amount of splotch all along her neck and upper chest.

 

Next up, very nice blond ladies who haven't won shit.  Or so the narrative would read if I weren't me and I were someone else.  Elena is coming off an ankle injury that forced her to withdraw from Luxembourg so who knows what her form is.  Caro is coming off -- what's this? -- a two-week break since she won in Beijing.  That's like a three-month break for most people. 

Caro leads the H2H 4-3, but she's beaten Elena both times they've met in 2010, most recently in the Tokyo finals.  Gotta tap the kid here.  She kinda really needs to win this title.       

   

I don't even want to talk about it.

I'm still smarting.

Though, Sam, if I may, can I just as you one teensy-weensy little favor?  Please get that nail polish off.  Otherwise I'm going to spend the entirety of your match laughing my ass off, and that's not the type of support or intensity I want to be bringing to this match.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

Doh! Ha! 2010.

The ladies are finally in Doha (doesn't it seem like we've been talking about the YECs for forever now?) and kicked off the festivities by glamming up for the sole purpose of showing off their amazing sock tans.  Which is kind of the only thing they really can show off given that it's, you know, Doha. 

This is actually the last year Doha will host the YECs, which is kind of a shame because it looks like the ladies finally figured out how the hell they're supposed to do their hair and makeup.  I hope they take everything they've learned with them to Istanbul next year. 

Yes, Vera, I said Istanbul.  Try to act enthused, Kim. 

But really, they all looked great.

Most Goddessiest.

Most "Yeah, What Up Now, Tracy?  Say It To My Face"-iest.

Most--wait, is that FRAN???

Most "I Really Don't Want To Be Here-iest."

"Bitch, Get Out My Personal Space-iest"

*tap tap tap*

Uh...JJ?  Yeah, hi, sorry.  I'm gonna need that award back. 

Here you go, Kim.

Taylor Swiftiest.

Most--wait, is that SAM???

(Pics: Getty, AP)

The Yale Football Team Lobby Is Strong.

Well, gentlemen, you've got a year to plan your kegger. 

Caro will be 21 when she almost assuredly rides into New Haven next year.

Tennis will indeed be returning to New Haven next year, though without a title sponsor and without a significant amount of sausage. The New Haven Open at Yale will be a WTA only event, with the ATP side, according to Matt Cronin, being held that week though at a different location.  So don't worry, journeymen ATPers, you'll still have your chance to tune up for your first or second round losses in New York.

I find it interesting that the ladies were able to get the tournament to stick it out with them next year.  I have to think a lot of this has to do with the fact that their three-time defending champion just happens to be a highly marketable young kid who has professed her love of all things bulldog and will likely end the year at #1.  And this year they actually had a pretty solid field, with Sam, Dinara, and Ana taking last minute wildcards, though Ana eventually had to withdraw.

Of course, this means that Caro's absolutely going to have to come back to New Haven next year, which means she'll likely have to do that Copenhagen --> Cincy --> Montreal --> New Haven --> USO swing again.  I know she has to play Copenhagen and all but doing so definitely hampers her USO hard court preparation, as she misses out on Stanford and San Diego.  Then, once she does get to the states, she has to play three straight weeks before going straight into the USO.  That's a total of five straigth weeks of tennis if she makes it into the second week of New York.  She clearly ran out of steam against Vera at the USO. 

This does...not seem wise.

But congrats to New Haven for keeping the tournament for at least another year.  One of my drivers was telling me how much money the tourney brought in to the City and I was blown away (can't remember the figure off the top of my head but it was huge).  The Yale Tennis Center is a great venue for tennis and I would encourage anyone who's planning to go to the USO for qualies to come to NYC a little early and take the train to New Haven to catch some of the late round action. 

Hopefully Sunshine can bring some sunshine in 2011.  Because seriously?  It was cold as fuck this year.  Totally threw me a curveball on that one, New Haven.

"I Learned So Many Things and I Won *So* Many Things."

Fran rules. Also, she might be high. And can someone tell JJ she needs to stop stress smoking? Holy smokes.

That's Six.

The Caro Train keeps on trucking.  That's six titles on the year after she bested Bepa in three sets to take Beijing.  She's now won six straight finals since losing the final at Indian Wells, while Bepa's lost five straight finals since Pattaya City.

Too bad those stuffed animals aren't convinced.  They're still angry about this whole #1 business.

(Pic: Getty)

Fuck The Wine, Get Her A Flak Jacket.

I hope that flag doubles as a shield, kiddo.

She did it.  She beat Petra and will be numero uno with an aster--I mean, bullet, come Monday.  The hatin' has already started via the Twitter and I won't completely rehash my thoughts on it.  She's 20 years old, busted her ass off all year, and got the #1 ranking.  How about we give her a pat on the back before we collectively punch her in the kidney? 

Playing a counterpunching style she's completely *overachieved* so far in her career.  And at 20 years old she's only getting better and has plenty of time to pick up that Slam.  There's no reason to think that she won't eventually get one.  But somehow she gets flak because she achieved one goal before the other?  I guess I missed that day in WTA school where they said that you are absolutely 100% never allowed to achieve the #1 ranking before you get a Slam. 

I hate that the players get blamed for this, as though they somehow cheated the system to get the ranking.  I don't think Caro should be blamed, I don't think Serena should be blamed.  But if you're going to rag on one you better rag on the other because they both contributed to this situation.  Caro consistently failed to get herself into a position to play the big matches and Serena for choosing to only play 6 tourneys (three of which were Slams) up through Wimbledon.  And if you're going to call the WTA a joke and the ranking system a sham, well you better offer up a better system that would actually work. 

But until then this is the system we have, no one, as far as I can tell, has a better solution, the players played knowing the rules and the consequences of their decisions, and it all shook out thusly.  Who exactly is the bad guy in this?

Here's hoping that Caro is better equipped mentally to deal with the questions and constant undermining of her achievements by press an fans.

Then again, this whole #1 thing could be short-lived.  Serena's confirmed for Linz, which means she's likely playing the YEC.  So at ease, gentlemen.  Serena might just swoop in and RoboCop this motherfucker. 

And then everything would be right in the world.  Or something.

It's Happening, People.

With her Tokyo win on Sunday, Caroline will take the #1 ranking if she wins tonight's match against Petra Kvitova.  Granted, Petra put the beatdown on Caro at Wimbledon, but come on.  This is happening.  So get ready for the shitstorm that is about to come our way. 

Because if there's one thing I've learned over the past three years, nothing gets journos salivating more than an "undeserving" WTA Number 1.  Do I like watching her play?  Nope.  You honestly couldn't pay me to sit through an entire match.  But I'm not going to piss on her just because she was able to win consistently throughout the year, something no one else on the tour seemed able to do.

So, you know, wear your ugly dress and that number 1 ranking well, Caro.  Cuz you know the Nail Technician is coming after you...

Shine on, Sunshine. 

Yuck.  I don't know what's more annoying.  The Sunshine business or her drunk muppet voice.

Lumberjack Chic.

Did Andy get his fashion cues from Sam for the Beijing Player Party?  Or maybe from Marat?  The plaid, the frizzed out hair, the forced smiling.  Did I miss this month's issue of InStyle?  Though, I suppose plaid shirts, frizzed out hair, and forced smiling is pretty much my look, too.  See?  MFEO, Andy.  MFEO.

They're all so happy and smiley!  That's the comedic effect of Fer's hair, I guess.

Stop doing one armed pushups on that thing, Sam. 

I don't know what's crazier: Sam's forecep or Caro's crazy eyes. 

Lovely.  The boy knows how to wear clothes.

Also, those are some really tall Asian chicks.

I was really looking forward to the Beijing player party.  But I guess the days of unscripted awesomeness and costuming are behind us.  Sadness.

(Pics: Getty)

That Was Weird.

You and me both, ladies.

It wasn't a particularly pleasant match to watch and I actually fell asleep when Caro was up 3-0 in the third set.  But what I did see wasn't great.  Caro was hitting a surprising number of UFEs and Vika clearly wasn't at her best.  There was screaming (by both), there was racquet throwing (by both), and there was a fit of woozy coughing (oh, that's all Vika).  Caro found herself up 5-0 in the third before, somehow, Vika came back and Caro had to fight her nerve to finally win 6-4.  To those who watched the match, was that Caro getting nervous?  Or did Vika go all lights out all of a sudden?

Anyway, Caro is into the final to play Lena, who played a really high quality match against Frank.  Now that was some good tennis to watch.  Nice to see Lena do well after what happened at USO.  She's still in the running for a spot at Doha, and it'd be really weird if she didn't make it. 

I'm not sure how much Caro has left in her tank after today's match but she's certainly got some motivation:  If she wins Tokyo and makes the last eight in Beijing, she'll take over the top spot.

The haterade?  It be brewin'...

(Pics: Getty)

Hugs, Not Thugs.

Aga was forced to retire down 0-5 to Caro due to a leg injury.  There were tears from both but Caro was pretty amazing in her genuine condolensces to her bestie and sometimes tanning partner. 

Nice to see.  She'll be up against her mindless ball-bashing buddy, Vika, in the semis, and has a pretty damn good chance of capturing that #1 ranking if she does well here and in Beijing.  Hold on to your hats.

The other semi will feature Lena vs. Fran.  Lena was on the verge of dropping the first set before Bepa failed to serve it out and pretty much went wonky for the rest of the match, throwing in UFE after UFE.  It was bummersauce. 

As for Fran, she had herself a 3+ hour battle with Kaia and needed two chances to serve out the third set after choking away the first chance pretty badly.  Nice to see her back up her late summer results though.  Somehow, the better Fran does, the easier RG is for me to take. 

(Pic: AP; Getty)

No, Really. We're Excited. We Promise.

Did someone photoshop out the dildos?  Because those are some seriously anemic fist pumps, if that's what they're trying to do. 

The Tokyo draw is out and everyone in that picture has a reason to be smiling other than Lumberjack Sam.  She's in a quarter along with Vika, Ana, Dinara, Aravane, Wicky, and Mono.  That's...rough.  So I will excuse her weird fist thing up there.  But the rest of you?  No excuses.

In other news, BEPA YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!  CAN YOU HEAR ME!  CAN YOU????

Come on, Caro.  Do us a solid and tell her. 

Someone's gotta get through that thick skull of hers.

Pic This: I'm Bored.

So I'm sitting here catching on a month's worth of Tivo and I started going through my files.  Sometimes, as you're surfing the interwebz, you just see funny or interesting photos and you save them, not having any idea if you're going to actually have a reason to use them in the future. 

So here's me unloading a few randoms on you.

Too cute.

Vania and Shveddy at the Wimbledon Champions Ball.

I...don't want to talk about it.

If there's one thing we know about Igor, it's that he likes pretty things.

Ah.  A classic.

Masha, about to eat her dinner.

Robbo and one of her two pooches.

Sorana looking...normal.

Swoooooooooooooon.

Leather brings out the best in everyone.

Yowza.

Never forget.

Isniacki: More Unconsummated Sexual Tension Than Twilight.

 

Thanks to Demtria for the tip!

BOOM. Did I Just Blow Your Mind?

When I was in New York I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking to someone in Bepa's camp.  I told them that she looked fantastic in that NYTM piece and that the fans really loved it.  He was surprised (a) to hear that Bepa had fans and (b) because according to him she doesn't think she's beautiful enough to do those types of shoots.

And I was sad.

Bepa's played lights out tennis throughout the fortnight and put an exclamation point on her campaign so far with a solid and fairly thorough beating of Caro today to make her second Slam final in a row.  I'm not sure anyone walked away from that match thinking the better player lost today.  Bepa showed her variety, pace, guile, and movement to outclass the kid who everyone had already written into the final.  It was fantastic to see.

Of course, the match was not without its Bepa moments.  She somehow broke the strings on five racquets and actually ran out of racquets.  Sergei had to send a racquet down to the court until the stringers could get her some fresh ones.  I was sure that the whole debacle would rattle her.  But it didn't.  She stayed calm and composed and pretty much made the Johnny Mac and Mary Carillo look like idiots for all their harping about her propensity to meltdown.  In fact, after she was finally broken in the second set, John announced "Prepare yourself for a meltdown."

If by "meltdown" you mean a win, then yes.

As for Caro, it was a good tournament and nothing to hang her head at.  I think she did a lot to get many of her detractors (including moi) off her back. But at the end of the day, she's totally beatable by the top players.  We knew that coming in and we know that going out.  But her win over Masha has to give her confidence that things are going the right way. 

One interesting comment was brought up on Twitter.  Can Caro win a major title without the benefit of on-court coaching?  Carlos Ramos admonished her today to make sure her box stopped with the chatter.  I think there's something to this theory given her listless play in that second set.  She just didn't look like she knew what to do out there.  That's an experience issue.  She's only 20.  You need some years of "tennis education" to get to the point where you can figure yourself out of matches.  She's way ahead of the curve on this (I think she's one of the smarter younger players) but she didn't have it today.

Much love, Vera.  I can't wait to see all the ink you're about to get.  It's so satisfying to see people take notice of you.  Much deserved to the forgotten Russian.

The face of crazy, ladies and gentlemen.

We should all be so lucky.

Caroline Wozniacki Sitting In A Tree. Oh, Wait...

Again, if you're not on Twitter, I get it.  But far be it from me to let this slide.  Caro is like, an insanely good Twitter-flirter.  And, not to imply anything, but she's the village bike of the tennis Twittersphere:  Everybody gets a ride:

Fer:

 

Nole:

 

And of course, The Tall One:

Caro:
@JohnIsnerTennis Hey big-timer!! How is life? havent heard from you in a while!

John
@CaroWozniacki don't try this crap again woz! Another text I sent you and another heartbreak for me btw fantasy soccer??? cmon now

Vika:
@JohnIsnerTennis @CaroWozniacki should I just follow u guys?

John:
@vika7 woz never responds to my texts. congrats btw

Vika:
@JohnIsnerTennis she always responds u on the other hand not really))))

John:
@vika7 hmmmm im not so sure about that

Caro:
@vika7 What?? I always answer your texts.. How can you be on his side? Very disapointed !!

Vika:
@CaroWozniacki I'm with u I said he doesn't answer. How could u think about me! Lol

Carol:
@vika7 Hahah!! Sorry girl!! My bad!! You are right!! thanks

John:
@vika7 stop taking here side vika!

....
Few day later
Caro:
@JohnIsnerTennis what happened?

John
@CaroWozniacki rolled my ankle up 5-3 in the first set . Good job today!
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:05:56 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to CaroWozniacki

Caro:
@JohnIsnerTennis Nooo! How bad is it? did you get an mri?
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:06:26 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to JohnIsnerTennis

John
@CaroWozniacki I just did. I think ill be fine but it looks nasty ugh.
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:07:35 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to CaroWozniacki

Caro:
@JohnIsnerTennis Oh im sorry! I know, have been there! Is it very swollen?
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:08:41 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to JohnIsnerTennis

John:@CaroWozniacki unfortunately yes. I know u have been here before!
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:10:03 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to CaroWozniacki

Caro:
@JohnIsnerTennis Ok Rest up well!! Ice ice ice.. leg up and you will be ok!! (Says the expert.. haha)
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:11:32 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to JohnIsnerTennis

John:
@CaroWozniacki thanks doc!
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:12:40 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to CaroWozniacki

Caro:
@JohnIsnerTennis haha! You are welcome.. any time lol
Thu Aug 19 2010 03:13:52 (Central European Daylight Time) via web in reply to JohnIsnerTennis

It's gotten to the point that the tennis elder statesmen are on the case:

The BryBros:

 

Lindsay:

Oh, Woz.  You're such a tease.  It's kind of awesome.

(Screencaps from Tennis Forum)

We Get It. You're Good At Tennis. Now Stop It.

It's 3:15am so I'm gonna make this quick.  That was a hell of a win for Caro today.  She took down the biggest scalp of her young career, dusting an in-form Masha in straight sets, and never really looking all that threatened while she was doing it.  She defended well, served well, and was as aggressive as she needed to be to get Masha running and, more importantly, to get inside Masha's head. 

You could almost see Caro cribbing from Kim's tactic against Ana:

I knew once I got out there that Ana is the type of player -- she's playing with a lot more confidence, and if I can stay with her in the beginning of those first few games where she was playing really good tennis, if I could just stay with her and kind of just, yeah, make her once in a while doubt a little bit. Or just, you know, even when she's playing her best tennis, trying to retrieve a lot of balls and just try to get her to make the mistake, I really felt that was the case in the first five games we played today.

She starts making a few little unforced errors and a couple of double faults. I really tried to use the chances that I had, and that's what I did really well.

Yup, pretty much.  The kid went out there and absolutely won this match.  She's ready for Primetime.

I'm going to need more time to ruminate on what I think this loss means for Masha.  I know it means something.  It's not just a random blip that you just dismiss.  But I need to tumble with it for a bit.

So let's keep the focus on the kid.  Look, I don't think I'll ever be a fan.  And that's not you, Caro.  It's me.  I just don't like your brand of tennis even though I absolutely recognize, particularly after seeing all the improvements in your game which have been on display over the past few weeks, that it is an excellent brand of tennis.  You're consistent, you do everything well, you've developed just enough pop on some of your shots to make yourself more than a "pusher", and you're just getting better with each year, and you're mentally strong.  On top of all that, you're a perfectly nice kid, a good personality for the sport, and you seem to have your head on straight.  Good on your parents, Piotr and Anna, for raising such a sweet kid.

But at the end of the day, I like Coke, not Pepsi.  I like Budweiser, not MGD.  I like BMW, not Mercedes.  I like...other tennis players, not you. 

It's nothing personal.  It's just a preference.

Now go out there and make the final, hopefully against Kim, and let's see what you can do.  You finally have our attention.  Do with it what you will.

If You're Gonna Cram, Cram At Yale.

Three weeks ago, the thought of Caro being the top seed at the Open was more a punchline than a headline.  But after her back-to-back wins in Montreal and New Haven, she sure has gone a long way in beefing up that resume of hers, no?  She'll obviously face her biggest test in NYC and there are some questions about her fitness (she was struggling with lower back problems throughout New Haven) and whether or not she has enough left in the tank.  But we know she competes well and she'll have more reason to bust her ass: She's clinched the USO Series.

But I like what I see from the kid.  She's definitely trying to be more aggressive and find ways to terminate points.  She made the final last year.  There's no real reason to bet against her.  Then again, I wouldn't bet on her either. 

And maybe that's Caro in a nutshell.

Oh, and to round out the New Haven news, Staks won the men's final over Istomin in three sets.

Air Quotes: A Happy #1? I Don't Understand.

"It's funny, everyone always asks me that.  No, I don't feel the pressure.  I'm happy, I mean, why should I feel the pressure?  I'm happy I'm the number 1 seed.  I've done so many great results this year, last year.  I'm feeling confident.  I mean, I was in the finals there last year and that was an incredible two weeks and hopefully I can do the same this year.  We have to see what's gonna happens with the draw and how I'm gonna play and everything.  But I love the sport and if it doesn't happen this year, then hopefully next year."

-- Caro, on whether she feels the pressure of going into the USO as a top seed.  I don't know about you, but I kind of believe her.

Top Dog.

Man, do they love them some Caro here in New Haven. 

She fought off a stiff back to beat Domi in straight sets, and then stood while 60 college boys openly gawked at her.  It was awkward.

As I said on Twitter: A cute, blonde, 20 year old surrounded by 60 cheering college boys. I think I've seen this episode of Law & Order SVU.

Oh, and brace yourself for a hell of a lot of "Sweet Caroline" over the course of the next few weeks people. Lordie.

Walkin' on Sunshine.

So World #2, Caroline "Ski Boots No More" Wozniacki, picked up the biggest title of her career on Monday, beating Sveta and Bepa in the span of 6 hours to win her first Tier I/Premier tournament.  Not too shabby for the 20 year-old, who will head into the US Open as the top seed.

It's easy to snark on the kid.  Actually, no it's actually not.  She's nice, she works hard, she's brought an air of friendliness to the locker room and as much as I hate on her game (which I actually might come around on if she'd stop with the motherfucking deluge of moonballs), she actually really impressed me in her quarterfinal match against Franny in Montreal.  She's beefed up her serve, is trying to come to the net more (with rather comedic results, but you have to like the intention) and it looks like her strokes have a bit more pop so that she can terminate points.  She's a solid tactical player, doesn't mentally go off the rails, and is gracious in victory and defeat. 

Is it funny to think that she's the top seed at the USO?  I mean, yeah.  I mean, it's Caro.  And I'll keep cracking jokes about it just because it's an easy laugh.  But unless she's the one who surreptitiously dropped the razor in a London restaurant that fateful night, it ain't her fault.  And if there's one player in the top 10 who could deal with this pressure well, I kind of have to tip my cap to Caro.  Nothing seems to faze her.  It's really annoying.

I don't know, maybe it's because it's been a long tennis season, or maybe it's the lessons learned from the ripping on Dinara and JJ, or maybe I'm just beaten down by all this travel.  But I just think there are more important and interesting things to be concerned with going into the Open.

For example, ZOMG IS SAM'S ARM OK???!?!?!?!??!?

Dude. STOP TALKING.

Totes cute.

Nice Girls Playing Footie.

Caro and Sveta played two games before their match was suspended for rain.  But that doesn't mean they didn't have themselves a good time.  I know I give Caro a lot of shit, but I really do like her for just being a sweet kid.  What can I say, I like my players on the "nice" side.

 

The super happy fun times ladies entertained the crowd and themselves by playing a little tennis-footie, much to the amusement of the crowd. 

And Kader.  He's obviously a leg man.

  (pics: Daylife)

Rain? But It's August!

You'll have to excuse my indignant and astonished Californian self.  See, for us, there simply is no concept of rain during the summer.  It's weird.  So here we are in August and it seems like rain is consistently wreaking havoc on tennis.  The Canadian and Cincy championship weekends have all been wet affairs leading to a number of "what if" results.  What if it hadn't rained?  Would A-Rod be in the Cincy final?  Would Masha have hoisted the trophy in Cincy?  Would Fed have solidified himself as the front runner by winning Toronto?  I know weather delays are part of the sport but sometimes they run against the notion of a "pure" result. 

And so it continues in Montreal.  Saturday's semifinals were essentially rained out so the ladies will have to (or try, as it may be) to play both the semis and finals on Sunday.  And it looks like we're going to get some rain up here in New Haven this week.

I didn't bring my galoshes.  Because I thought I was going to a tennis tournament.  Not Glastonbury.

(pics: Found Shit, Daylife)

The Kids Are All Right.

What's the point of getting a media pass, getting all excited about interviewing players, crafting beautifully worded questions on interesting topics, only to show up and see these two pistol whips do you your job better than you could ever dream of.

Absolutely demoralizing.

#2 and #3, Respect-ish-ively

The court conditions were tough today folks, with on-court thermometers hitting the 120F mark.  But you know what they say, the conditions are the same for everyone and everyone's gotta deal.  JJ, the top seed at her second straight tournament, got bounced in straight sets by Akgul, denying us a JJ/Ana quarterfinal.  I know that Akgul's big server, but this is a match that you expect JJ to win, using her movement and strokes to grind down her slower opponent in the blazing heat.  But I guess Cincy is to Akgul as California is to Dani.  She just seems to find some mojo there.  The last time a qualifier made the quarters in Cincy?  2007.  And yes, it was Akgul.  Which means she's building quite the fan base:

A more respectable loss for Caro, losing to Mono in straights in her first tournament in the US after her run to the title in Copenhagen last week.  Word on the street is that Caro's beefed up her serve.  That's nice to hear, but once again she plays a match that shows that she, just like JJ and Aga, can be hit through.  If the field wasn't quivering in their shoes at the thought of playing these counterpunchers before, they definitely aren't quivering now.

It'll be interesting to see how these two rebound in Montreal.  Oh, and in a stroke of comedy, they'll swap places heading into to Montreal.  That's right, Caro's back to #2.

(pics: Daylife)

Oh Yeah. Her.

Sheesh.  I totally forgot about Caro.  And I have to say, it didn't particularly bother me.  Miss her, I did not.

 

But she won her home title in Copenhagen, beating K-Zak in straight sets.  She won a bottle of champagne that she can't drink and a pot that she has no time to cook in.  And she's in the same ugly Stella dress and her hair looks weird.  Yup, that's the cutting edge tennis analysis I'm throwing down here.

The win is all well and good, Caro, but it's time to get your ass to North America and battle with the big girls.  Best of luck, Sleepy Smurf.

(Pics: Daylife)

Air Quotes: :) :( ;)

Q. Your bow had a lot of rhythm to it, tremendous depth. Some critics thought it might be a tad overproduced. Can you analyze it?

SERENA WILLIAMS: My bow didn't go the way I wanted. I didn't get my wrist action that I thought I would have, and then I got nervous. So my knee kind of got tight, and I felt a lot of pain in my left knee, so I couldn't get as low as I wanted to.

Q. So you're blaming your injuries?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I'm going to blame my injury.

...

Q. Yesterday Venus told me your curtsy was unreal. She also said you'd beat her in a curtsy‑off. Do you think there was too much hype for your curtsy?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Yeah, it was definitely too much hype. I feel like I had the number one curtsy and then I just got nervous. Next time I'll have to take more Advil.

I definitely handle pressure way better on the court than off. No comparison.

...

Q. How did you find playing on Court 2?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I have mixed feelings about that. You know, I don't think I should be out there. But in a way, I feel like, you know, with my popularity, it's cool to see ‑‑ when I was leaving, I stayed for a while, and I signed tons of autographs. A lot of these people can't get into the Centre Court and stuff.

Other than that, that definitely made up for it, to see fans I wouldn't normally see.

...

Q. You talked in Paris about the strings you're using, giving you more spin. Do you feel the same kind of effect here on the grass with the ball?

RAFAEL NADAL: Well, always the same, no? The string can help you, but you are the person, you are the player, not the string. You play; the string doesn't play. That's my feeling.

Sure, the string can help you for moments, for maybe the string is better than the other one because give me the chance to feel the ball more time inside the racquet. That's give me a little bit more control. But that's my feeling, that you are the person. You lose, you win, not the string. 

...

Q. How did you feel when you woke up this morning physically? What did you do to prepare for this afternoon's match? Did you weigh yourself today and whether you lost any weight?

JOHN ISNER: I actually haven't weighed. I told myself I wanted to do that. When I go back to the locker room, I will.

But I'm one of the heaviest guys actually, I am the heaviest guy on the tour. I have a little bit of excess in the stomach area (smiling). I knew that was going to come in handy one day. It was kind of the reserve tank.

It's not that I eat unhealthy. I work hard. I just can't get rid of it.

Q. Is it still there?

JOHN ISNER: Yeah. It went down a little bit, I think (smiling).

...

Q. After shedding so much weight in the last 24 hours, do you think you would make a good face of Weight Watchers in America?

JOHN ISNER: I guess. It's not like I'm a heifer or anything (laughter). Maybe.

...

"And You Are..."

Before she sat to look ever so disapprovingly at Muzzard, the Queen Bee herself greeted some of the world's top ballers.

She also said hi to the English ones.

 

Martina totally fangirled during Wimbledon Primetime about the meeting.

 

"Sluts."

 

I don't know why Caroline is wearing what she's wearing.  And neither does JJ.

Nice to see Nole went business casual for the session.  Andy clearly thought he was going to the Kentucky Derby.  You can't blame him.  The Queen is rocking a pretty amazing hat.

Also, he'll show you to your table, now.

"1, 2, 3, 4, I declare thumb war!"

Still think this was a lost opportunity.

Show off.

 

"Was I too extreme?"

Nice to see all the players so excited about meeting the Queen.  It was cute. 

Pic This: Day 2

 

Round 1 is done (almost) and 64 players are drowing their sorrows in champs and berries. 

In the grand scheme of things, that doesn't suck.

I just really dig that dress on Dani.  Way to save Adidas, girl.

 

Yeah, you fuck that air, Daveed.  Vamos!

The Architect Of My Discontent.  Like, 15 times over.

Aw, shit.  Game on. 

And by "Game On" I mean, "I'm leaving Wimbledon drunk, poor, and working off my debt owed to Pimmy by doing things that I dare not write on a blog that my parents read."