Forty Deuce

Why. So. Serious?

The ladies talk practical jokes.  Here's what I love:

Compare Caro's prank:

We were in Japan playing a junior tournament. I was with my dad, and we knew a player who was staying in another room. I called his room, pretending to be reception. I told him, in very bad English, that he had been upgraded to a suite, and to go down to reception to confirm it. We watched him go down to reception and tell them he got a phone call, and they had no idea what he was talking about. He stood there for like 20 minutes - it was so funny! He went back to his room and I called him again, then he went down again and told them he had spoken to Miss Mashigawa (the name I used!) and they still had no idea what he was talking about, and that there was no Miss Mashigawa. Of course I had to stop somewhere so I went up to him and said 'I am Miss Mashigawa, I have a suite for you.'

...with Ana's:

My fitness coach and I hid in some bushes and jumped out on my old coach and hitting partner as they walked by. They were terrified!

You're not human if you're not laughing right now.

Nads and I Are Total BFF

The Ladies talk about their guilty food pleasures.  Not surprisingly, no one asked Dinara because we all know the answer already.

Nadia Petrova: Burger and french fries with everything on it, and Coke. At a nicer restaurant though!

Elena Dementieva: Chips. It’s my favorite bad habit. Potato chips and pizza. The chips are simple – just sea salt. I like to keep it as natural as possible

Vera Zvonareva: My mom makes this Napoleon cake a few times a year…

Liezel Huber: Chips. Not fries, but as in chips from the packet!

Cara Black: My favorite bad food is ice cream!

Sabine Lisicki: Ice cream. Italian ice cream!

Vania King: Fried chicken.

Dominika Cibulkova: A Slovakian dish my grandma cooks called Bryndzove Halusky… it’s potato dumplings with cheese and bacon… and it’s unbelievable.

Bethanie Mattek-Sands: Dark chocolate-covered almonds and sweet potato fries… not together, of course!

Aleksandra Wozniak: My indulgence is chocolates.

Caroline Wozniacki: Crêpes with nutella… it’s SO good.

Ana Ivanovic: Pancakes with nutella!

Michaella Krajicek: Porridge with pieces of chocolate in it. I really love it.

Katarina Srebotnik: Chocolate

Dude.  Nads.  Indian Wells.  You.  Me.  In n Out.

Wow.  That sounded really dirty.  Also dirty?  Whatever the heck Domi is talking about. 

Pic This: Ula Radwanska Is Too Good For Dan Brown.

Look! WTAers like to read!

You're welcome, boys.

Heh.  Makes me think of this:

 

THE BOOBY SCARE Featuring Alyson Hannigan, Emily Deschanel, Kat McPhee, Minka Kelly and Jaime King - watch more funny videos

Touch a tit, save a tit.

Idiots.

According to reports, Serena and Caro are planning to play an exhibition in Barbados at the end of the month.  Yes, this is the same Caro who retired from her match against Serena a week ago due to injury, played more matches than anyone on the tour, and who Stacey Allaster has picked out as someone who should reevaluate her schedule next year.  And a Serena who is already hobbled and refused to play Fed Cup this week.

I have nothing.  I'm speechless.

Pic This: One More for the Road...

It wouldn't be the end of the WTA season without one more chance to laugh at people for being completely incapable of dressing themselves.  Some of them are getting distressingly (read: boringly) good at it, but you know there'll always be one WTFer in the group.  Or two, or three.

A lot of things about this frighten me.  Mainly that, with the faces upside down, it looks like she's wearing a minidress with a Marilyn Manson print.  Also, the eyes.  Freaky.

 

This looks kind of like a bridesmaid's dress I had to wear once, if you cut the skirt off about three and a half feet from the bottom.

[snicker]

Oh dear.  Someone needs to introduce Bepa to these.

I'm not gonna lie: something about the geranium over her ladybits weirds me out.

I need to know what Lena did that they decided she needed a mug shot.

I totally picture Dinara's closet having a "little black dress" section and a "big pink t-shirt" section and... that's it.

LOLZ.

Dig in, Caro.

But really, learn to cross your legs when you're sitting in a dress, honey.  Your wantonness is making Dina sad.  (Then again, what doesn't?)

Stubbsy!  Oy, Ula, we'll talk later.

And, for the creme de la creme, cherry on the sundae, there is the video.  I watched it like 18 times.  Don't make me start liking you, girls.  You know who you are.

Vania King Is Awesome.

Dinara!  Put.  The Gun.  Down.

WTAers tell you about their love (in Vania's case) or not (Jesus, calm the fuck down, Liezel) of video games:

Ana Ivanovic: "I never did until I was introduced to Guitar Hero, and I love it."

Vania King: "YES. I love video games. I play mostly RPGs, MMORPGs and action/adventure games."

Aleksandra Wozniak: "When I was little, my sister Dorota and I would play Nintendo for hours. Now I just travel around the world with a PSP!"

Katarina Srebotnik: "No, not at all. When I was younger I used to love them and I have to say I was pretty good because I couldn't stand the words GAME OVER on the screen! I played the games over and over again until I would go all the way or at least reach a very high score."

Dominika Cibulkova: "I do - I play tennis video games! I'm not very good at them though, everyone is always beating me..."

Caroline Wozniacki: "I do, with my brother. Race car games, singing star... it's a lot of fun!"

Cara Black: "I don't play video games."

Liezel Huber: "NO!"

Vera Zvonareva: "Not really. I used to play Super Mario and Tetris on Gameboy. I would play Tetris for such a long time..."

Elena Dementieva: "I don't play video games. My brother is a big fan of them though. I could never understand his passion for them!"

Thoughts:

• We get it, Ana.  You LOVE Guitar Hero.  That answer is getting as canned as her pool story, through no fault of her own, really.

• I can totally see Bepa dominating on Tetris.  I can also see her banging her head into the controller when she realized she flipped the "S" piece one too many times.

• I love that A-Woz's sister shares the same name as this piece of awesome.

• Domi was so that girl who pretended to suck at video games so guys would think she was cute.  Or, you know.  She would just suck.  Dick.

• I would totally pull a Domi if I ever played video games with Caro's brother.

• Vania King rules.  Even I had to look up MMORPGs.

Doin' It, JJ Style.

JJ makes the semis with a 2-1 record.  Those two wins?  A retirement by Dani and a virtual retirement against a severely gimpy Caro.  Was there really *any* other way?

She's the drama queen.  So...bring it, honey.

Looking Ahead

Steve Tignor's thoughts on Doha and Andre.  Interesting stuff, but really, I liked his write-ups comparing Caro and Vika:

2. Is Caroline Wozniacki the future?

Watching her slog through two long, winding and surprising matches in Doha—she snuck through in three against Azarenka after losing the first set 6-1, then fought off cramps that had dropped to the court to beat Zvonareva—I’ve been struck by a few things:

Wozniacki’s first serve looks stronger, especially the wide one. Unlike many of her peers, she shows you when she’s enjoying it out there—i.e., she smiles. She’s got great feel on her crosscourt forehand. She’s comfortable settling into a pocket well behind the baseline, but doesn’t move forward or take advantage of winning situations instinctively. She reminds me at times of Martina Hingis, another eastern European transplanted to Western Europe, without the cockiness or the creativity. Like Andy Murray, she gives her opponents room either to hang themselves or to find their games; as we’ve seen so far with Murray, that hasn’t been a recipe for winning majors. More important for fans, though, Wozniacki is a gamer, maybe even to a fault. She played her first match hobbled by a hamstring injury. In her second match, serving for it at 5-4 in the third, she looked finished when leg cramps had her writhing on the court. She got up, served with a tear coming down her face, lost a 31-stroke rally, and still won the game and the match.

Wozniacki will struggle against the more explosive Justine, Kim, Venus, and Serena, but she has the persistence and consistency to beat everyone else on a regular basis—there’s plenty of room for a non-head case in the WTA. She doesn’t have the edge or self-regard of a diva who can bring new fans to the game. But that should only make her more appealing to those of us who watch every day. We know we’ll get her best.

3. Or is Victoria Azarenka the future?

Thinking about the up and downs of Azarenka’s season, the early peaks and later plateaus, the first thing that comes to mind is that the length of the schedule makes it tough for anyone to be good all year—there are just so many different phases, places and surfaces to negotiate. The second thing is that it’s tough for Victoria Azarenka in particular to be good all year. She can open up the court and put a rally in the palm of her hand, but just when you think she’s ready to finish it, the ball may fly haphazardly off her strings for no discernible reason. If you could put Azarenka together with Wozniacki, you’d have the next No. 1. Azarenka can hit through the court, but she doesn’t have the feel of her fellow up and comer. And while she’s fiercer and angrier than Wozniacki, the Dane may be tougher mentally—hanging in there is pretty much what she does for a living.

...

Azarenka should have more upside than Wozniacki; she can make more happen on the court. But sometimes her hands and strings turn to stone—the ball kerrangs off her frame. And while Azarenka’s intensity drives her, it also doubles back and undermines her. Against Wozniacki, she stayed calm and let her mistakes go, until she just couldn’t let them go anymore—the anger is always there. As fans, when Azarenka goes out on court, we know we’ll get her best. The question is whether her best may be too much.

I can't wait to see these two duke it out over the next 5 years.  And let's not forget Sabine, Sorana, and Alize.  Oh, who am I kidding, forget Alize.

Play On, Playa

After having to run herself ragged on a bum leg to secure a win over Vika yesterday, there were a lot of questions about whether Boots had enough left in the tank 24 hours later to beat Bepa.  The answer was made abundantly clear today: Physically, no. 

Unless you count that heart muscle.

I haven't watched the match yet, but from what I can gather, more than any other match she's played, this was a statement match for Boots.  Everyone can say they're a fighter, but only a few players have a fighter's resume, i.e., singular matches that fans can point to as pure gut out matches.  And I'm not even talking about come from behind victories.  That's different.  I'm talking about matches won on pure guts. 

Welcome to Caroline Wozniacki's coming out party.

After bageling Bepa in the first and then blowing a 5-2 lead and two match points in the second to lose it, Boots was up 3-1 in the third when her leg began to cramp on her.  She would get treatment and then the drama would begin. 

Serving for the match at 5-4, Boots' leg seized violently (think Serena, Wimby, Dani) and she fell to the court writing in pain.  But since she already used up her MTOs she couldn't be treated.  As a distantly empathetic Lynn Welch looked on, Boots screamed and cried, trying to deal with the pain.  And yes, her parents were freaking their shit.

She would eventually get up (after receiving a time violation, I believe) and drop the next point.  It looked like she would retire then and there.  But she somehow gathered herself and reeled off the next three points to seal the match.  She was bawling and could barely limp to the net.

No idea if she'll be ready for her match against JJ tomorrow but she hasn't clinched a semifinal spot yet so it's an important match for her.  Regardless, her performance this week is going to win her a lot of matches in the future.  Two gutsy performances that showed the world that she doesn't give up and she can play through pain.  Good for the kid.

Really amazing stuff.  I can't wait to watch it.

Oh, yeah, and there was blood.

 

If You're Going To Go Down, Go Down In Flames, I Always Say.

I just love so much that Vika goes out of her way to make me laugh. 

Also, it was hot in Doha.

In what turned out to be the most epic and dramatic match of the day (which is actually saying something), Vika and Caro locked horns for almost three hours.  And in the end, both players' personalities came through and won/lost the match.  Basically, Vika exploded (both out of the gate and emotionally at the end) and Caro was steady.  And you know what they say about slow and steady.

Vika dominated the first set, taking it 61.  Sure, Caro's a bit hobbled, but I thought Vika played really well in that first set.  Then in the second set, Vika came down to earth and Caro steadied herself.  Vika was spraying unforced errors everywhere and, boy, if you want to talk about someone who doesn't have a Plan B, it's Vika. 

After taking advantage of the heat rule (a 10 minute break after the second set), which confused the crap out of Caro seeing as how it was significantly cooler by that time, Vika seemed to have calmed down and played a good third set.  She consistently broke Caro, but for whatever reason, COULD.NOT.HOLD.SERVE.

  It all came to a head at 5-5 in the third in a four point sequence: First, Vika started snapping at the ball kids.  Then she smashed a ball into the stands and received a code violation.  Next, after losing the point to give Caro break point, Vika smashed and broke her raquet, receiving another code violation and automatic point penalty, giving Caro the game.  She then proceeded to absolutely demolish her racquet on the changeover, Gonzo style.  Caro would serve it out easily after that. 

Really impressive win from her.  I love the kid's fight.

So Vika's loss keeps the White group interesting, as she and JJ are 1-1 after Dina's retirement (more on that in a sec), and Caro is 1-0.

Marat Is About As Good At Retiring As I Am At Quitting My Job.

Team Russia is looking mighty awesome right about now.

Team Russia: Marat Safin, Maria Sharapova, Vera Zvonareva
Team Asia: Paradorn Srichaphan, Zheng Jie, Ayumi Morita
Team America: Michael Chang, Venus Williams, Gisela Dulko
Team Europe: Stefan Edberg, Caroline Wozniacki, Victoria Azarenka

Please let there be Marat/Masha and Stefan/Vika mixed dubs.  The former for the awesomeness, the latter for the complete and utter mindfuck.

So do you think the HK organizers changed the format to include the old fogies so that they could convince Marat to play?  For a guy who keeps complaining about how much tennis sucks he sure does keep playing.  I'm guessing it's because the weather in HK in January is 92% better than the weather in Mother Russia.  Either that or the touching/cheezy Asian tributes really touched a nerve.

In other news... STEFAN!!!

Pic This: Ok, How Do I Put This Delicately...

The WTA Year End Championships should not be held in Doha.  Full stop.  I will leave it at that.

Ok fine.  I won't.  I like to hear myself talk.  But this is utterly ridiculous.  Between last year's "leggings" fiasco to images like this, I just cannot stand the absolute and complete moneygrab that's going on here in the guise of "women's rights."

Women's rights my ass.  All this talk by the WTA that they chose Doha in order to further women's rights in the country is totally undermined by pictures like this.  You know how you further women's rights?  By taking any leverage you have and saying "No, we won't photoshop the women to cover them up" or "No, we won't do any promotional pictures with completely veiled women" or "No, we won't have our tournament in your country until you stop being retarded towards women."

Ok, that last one was mine.  There's a reason I wasn't an IR major in college.

Where The Wild Things Are

So here we are.  I can't tell if I'm excited for Doha or excited for the season to be over.

That's a lie.  It's the latter.

But it does give us one last chance to get some giggles in as the ladies glam up and strut.

"We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, it'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end"

You know, or not.

"If you can see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along
why can't you seeeeeee, you belong with meeeeeee."

Pretty dress.  But I like my JJ flatironed, thank you very much.

Damn, girl.  I can't even snark on this.

"Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama, Dalai Lama."

 
"Can you hear me now?  Bet on the *other* girl."

Ok, first, you look great.  Really. 

Second, I will punch you in the face. 

Third, wear a push up bra if you want to get some heft in your chest, not a crooked bow. 

First look at the mirror today, ReRe? 

Looks like the girls did a number on you in your sleep during WTA Sleepover 09. 

Word of advice?  Never go to sleep before Sveta.  Never.

BetFair?

Man, you make your first Slam final and scandal follows you wherever you go.

So here's the deal: As we all know, Boots retired from her first round match against Luxembourgian Lucky Loser Andrea Kremer while up 75 50 due to a leg injury.  Kinda odd, but no one thought too much of it until the online gambling sites reported rather large payouts.  The interwebs lit up with reports that during the a coaching timeout Papa Boots told Baby Boots, in Polish, to play a few more games and then retire to let the hometown girl have a thrill.  Boots & Co. knew her leg was bad and she wouldn't be able to play her next match, especially in light of Doha next week.  Said Baby Boots:

I could possibly have finished the match, but felt there was no way I could get ready for the second round on Thursday, so I chose the sporting way and let her go through. She's also [playing] at home.

Obviously this has caused quite the buzz and the WTA has launched an inquiry to review the tape to determine whether something untoward (read: match-fixing) was going on.  I doubt that this was the case and Papa Boots was just looking out for his kid, but the whole incident definitely raises a lot of questions:

• This was an obvious tank job by Boots.  But I've always been irrationally pissed at injured players who gut out wins only to withdraw before the next match.  So should I really be all judgey about this?  Was this sportsmanship or not?
  
• The WTA has authorized coaching timeouts with the idea that the mic'd conversations provide additional entertainment to fans.  Ok.  But that presumes that the conversations are honest and unfiltered (see Mike Joyce, Mr. Krajan).  But what happens when those honest and "entertaining" conversations affect betting patterns, which obviously happened here.  If coaches can't be honest then what's the point of on-court coaching?  And if coaches are honest, you can't be all outraged if it raises concerns over match-fixing. 
  
• WHY THE FUCK WAS CARO PLAYING IN THE FIRST PLACE???  She's struggled with injury/illness since the USO and she's already qualified for Doha.  She should have never made the trip to Luxembourg.
  
• How the hell does Andrea Kremer feel?  I'm guessing she could care less *why* she's into the second round.

Much ado about nothing?  Perhaps.  But I knew the WTA wasn't going to let the ATP monopolize the tennis scandal pages this week.  There's always something...

Leftovers

In addition to Moscow, the ATP and WTA each have one more tournament going on this week.  Including possibly my favourite-named tournament of the entire year, the "If Stockholm Open".

Stockholm (ATP 250)

 

Draw 

Top Four Seeds: Soderling, Tommy H., Mosquito, Juan Monaco

Potential Quarterfinals: Soderling/Boris Becker, Mosquito/Andreas Beck, Juan Monaco/Alberto Montanes, Tommy H./Feli

Potentially Interesting Early Matches: Mosquito/Marcos (1R), Feli/Ernie (1R), Jarkko/Gregor Dmitrov (1R), Juan Monaco/Pim Pim (2R)

Big Question: If Stockholm, then...

Luxembourg (WTA International)

 

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Caro, Kim, AMG, Dani

Potential Quarterfinals: Caro/KBond, Kim/Sabine, AMG/Yanina, Dani/CSN

Potentially Interesting Early Matches: Caro/Melanie (1R), Sabine/Benesova (1R), Petra/Patty (1R), Yanina/Alize (2R), CSN/Shahar (2R), Kim/Winner of Petra v. Patty

Big Questions: Why, why, why is Caro playing here??  If Kim wins, will she go to Bali?  Is Luxembourg for real?

1-14

Yeah, baby!  That's the combined record in tour finals of the Osaka finalists.  Congratulations, ladies.  One of you is guaranteed to trip over a title today. 

Sam had a nice win over Caro in three sets, including a bagel in the first, and well-done to her.  Except for that one match against Serena in Stanford, she's been having a rough time since she made the semis at RG.  She hit 12 aces in the match, which is a little bit insane, given current WTA standards.  Also, look at that arm.  It's not for real.  The picture is completely deceptive, because looking at that arm and how bad ass she looks in those sunglasses, you'd think it would be impossible for her to ever lose.

In the other semi, Franny ended the best run Sania's had in what seems like forever in less than an hour.  Oh well, Sania.  Progress is progress!  Is this possibly the worst picture ever taken of her?

Singles - Semifinals
(3) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. (1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) 60 46 64
(4) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. Sania Mirza (IND) 62 61

Catching Up

So... that work thing happened.  And now I am determined to at least get a results post out.  It's not gonna be much, but I submit it humbly for your consumption, dear reader.

Shanghai

More retirements??  You're kidding, right?  And my Quality Guy Ljubicic, too.  Sobs.  But he's an old guy, I guess I'll forgive him the hip injury.

Also, Feli won another match?  This is beginning to feel like some kind of alternate universe.  Also, I was very amused by Kolya's quote that Stepanek "destroyed" him in the second set.  I don't think 6-4 counts as destruction, sweetie.

Singles - Quarter-finals

[1] R Nadal (ESP) d I Ljubicic (CRO) 36 63 ret. (left hip)
[2] N Djokovic (SRB) d [8] G Simon (FRA) 63 26 62
[6] N Davydenko (RUS) d [13] R Stepanek (CZE) 61 46 61
F Lopez (ESP) d [9] R Soderling (SWE) 76(4) 63

Linz

Finally.  Actual matches!  If I hadn't been so preoccupied all day, I would have been glued to Radwanska/Safarova.  Wickmayer/Errani and Kvitova/CSN aren't too shabby, either.  I keep thinking how awesome it'll be if Round 1 of the YEC Race to the Bottom comes down to an Aga/Flavs final.  That would be faaaaaaaantabulous.

Singles - Quarterfinals
(1) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 75 62
(2) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. (7) Lucie Safarova (CZE) 63 76(9)
(3/WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (8) Sara Errani (ITA) 75 63
Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. (4) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) 75 64

Osaka

The Shanghai of the WTA.  Two retirements in four quarterfinals?  Woz/Woz is always a good time, and I'm glad that those matches are at least getting a little closer, but still.  More than one meaningful match this late in a tournament would be nice.

Singles - Quarterfinals
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (6) Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 62 67(1) 62
Sania Mirza (IND) d. (2) Marion Bartoli (FRA) 64 20 ret. (right shoulder injury)
(3) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Jill Craybas (USA) 61 63
(4) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. (7) Melinda Czink (HUN) w/o (right foot injury)

Pic This: STELLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!

New Spring 2010 gear from Stella for Adidas.

Cute, if not a little Kelly Kapowski.

More pics at TSF.

The Cure For The Flu? Uber Sweaty Fat Dudes In A Confined Space.

They're cute.

Pic This: "So Do You Guys Want To Carpool?"

 

Apparently Sony Ericsson phones are bad luck.

 

Like really bad luck.

But that doesn't stop Bepa from rocking the shit out of hers:

"Hey, Vera, whatcha doin?"

"Nothing. Just arranging some aid to Manila.  No big deal."

UPDATED: Overqualified.

I was in D.C. all weekend without any internet access.  And let's just say I'm not entirely sad about that.  Glad to see I missed the carnage:

(Q) Chang Kai-Chen (TPE) d. (1/WC) Dinara Safina (RUS) 76(5) 46 75


(Q) Andrea Petkovic (GER) d. (5) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 75 46 63

(Q) Katareyna Bondarenko (UKR) d. (3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) 62 67 61

(Q) Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) d. (2) Venus Williams (USA) 76(6) 75

Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. (6) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 36 64 62

Roberta Vinci (ITA) d. (9) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 61 62

Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. (10) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 64 76(1)

Also, Rybarakova just beat Nads and Maria's on her way to bagel and 'sticking Sam.  And we know how Sam feels about 'sticking.  Not a fan, methinks.

So it's absolute Bedlam in Tokyo as the top seeds are falling left and right in the first two rounds (as of this post, JJ, A-Rad, and Caro still have to play their 2R matches).

[UPDATE: Caro retires down 05 to CanWoz. So the top 6 seeds are out after their first matches.]

I don't have much to say quite yet.  I need some time to process it all.  But I have a feeling Billy Shakes was a WTA fan back in the day:

She should have died hereafter ;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time ;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Pic This: USO Final Wrap Up

And so another USO in the books.  And the last chapter of this one was nothing but rainbows.

 

Acid trip rainbows.

 

Swear to God.  I'm gonna steal that kid.

 

It must be love.

Wheeeee!

For now.

 

Good girl.

 

I am taller than you.

Jailbreak!

 

Jesus.  Way too fucking cute.

 

Car!

 

Kids playing at the club in Tandil where DelPo used to play.  It's no swimming pool, but it'll do.

"My Trophyface, m-my Trophyface..."

Fairytale In New York

Wow.  It happened.

Back when Kim was about to start her comeback I think I came out and pretty well said that anyone on the Kimmy bandwagon was crazy.  There was no way that she was going to be able to compete with these girls who hit harder, were stronger, were fitter, than the competition 4 years ago.

To quote Pam Shriver, "Boy, I have never been more happy to be wrong."

A lot is going to be said about what this means.  Fuck it.  You know what this means?  It means that Kim Clijsters went through a tough draw, beat both Williamses, used her awesome forehand and movement to break down her opponents and win her second Slam.  She's won 14 straight matches at the US Open.  This is a hell of an achievement from a women that everyone thought at some point was too nice to win *a* Slam, let alone two.  She was heady, competitive, and mature.  She deserves this and no one should take that away from her.  Put the asterisks away, assholes. 

Not that Kim's going to care.  She's got that bundle of awesome to come home to. 

Shit the pants, Jada.  You and your Mama earned it.

As for Caro, she acquitted herself well.  She didn't roll over for Kim and she has a lot to be proud of.  It still trips me out that she's the first out of that young set to get to Slam final.  I thought she handled the occasion well.  She could have easily pulled an Ana RG 07 and wigged out on that grand stage but she didn't.  Loved the beaming smiles from Papa and Mama Wozniacki, too.  They raised themselves a good multilingual one.

I'm really glad that these two women put a nice feel-good Coda on thi s tournament, which could have easily been marred by all the insanity of the past two weeks.  Great sportsmanship and respect between these two likeable players.

Awww.

Melty.

Moving On...

Sometimes it's not always about Serena, despite what she says sometimes.  While she took center stage for all the wrong reasons last night, let's not forget that Kim played a fantastic match and by all accounts she deserved to win.  She earned that first set racquet smash from Serena by just playing steady, hitting the lines and deep, and tracking down everything to make Serena hit one more shot.  She deserved this and it's a shame that she didn't get her chance to celebrate.

Meanwhile, on a near empty court, Sunshiney Boots earned her way into her first Slam final by beating Yanni 3 and 3.  Many congrats to her. 

As it is, it'll be a shock if Kim can't break down Boots' game tomorrow.  But either way, fantastic runs by both ladies.

Pic This: Still Flossing The Fuzz From My Teeth

To answer your question, no, that was not me.

 

Wha happen?

 

Sigh.  If only Serena listened.

You're cute.

 

Rough night.

 

It's ok, honey.  Have a danish.

Adorable little bumblebee.

 

Nice crowd.

The beginning of the end.

 

Va.  Mos.

Pic This: Book 'Em, Danno.

 

Please don't get ass-raped by Fed.  Not sure I could take another one of those.

Weird.  My boyfriend has that distant look in his eyes when I give him a handjob, too.

*whispers*

That's not Sanowa, Richard.

Fairly certain my abs would snap in two attempting this.

 

You know, it's a good thing that my blog is way classier than Perez Hilton's, because I could MS Paint a pretty awesome lollipop there.

Air Quotes: Don't Trust A Ho

Q. You come from a small country. Wickmayer, too. Yet this afternoon she has 2,000 boyfriends. How many do you have in Denmark now?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: I don’t know. I haven’t read the newspapers in Denmark, but I’m sure they can find a boyfriend for me. (laughter.)

Q. And real boyfriends, how many do you have?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: I don’t have any real boyfriends right now, so ‑‑ and usually I keep to one (laughter.)

Leave.

The train stops here.

 

Hell of a run, Kid.  So much to be proud of.  But it was inevitable.  When you're elevated to America's Sweetheart status only one thing can happen.  You crash under the weight of expectation, particularly when you've got a captive audience.  Call 1800 BRITNEY for further insight.

Also, the world ran out of "Believe" puns.  So the jig was up.

Congrats to Caro, who played a really solid and professional match to finally break through and make her first Slam semifinal.  Let's face it, she hasn't had to face *that* stiff of competition, but she's taking advantage of the situation and will most likely, barring a complete meltdown, make her first Slam final appearance. And she will do it the same way that counterpunchers have done it in the past: playing steady, absorbing power, and waiting for the other guy to fuck up.  Hell, JJ did it last year.

 

Shit the pants, kid.  You've earned it.

 

Pic This: Work It

Today was Labor Day in the states, which means no working, lots of out of towning, and, if you're in the Bay Area, lots of trying to figure out how the hell you're supposed to get to a BBQ in the East Bay when the Bay Bridge is shut down.  Let's just say Tommy wasn't the only one with that look this weekend.

But while we were being lazy bums, the action in NYC kept rolling.

 

Doesn't this look like a "Pic This" pic?  But I can't think of the perfect caption, even though it's begging for one.  Kinda like how Caro's begging to get f'd in the a. 

Oh, look!  Caption!

Smug little bastard.

 

The Sex expert.

 

This is Yanina Wickmayer.  She is a quarterfinalist.  Or something.

Last American Hero

Well holy shit.

 

Four matches, four Russians.  And if Caro didn't go ahead and bounce Kuz, Mel would have had a chance to scalp  fifth.  The funny thing about this match is that even though Nads took the first 61, you just kind of knew this kid wasn't going out like that.  And sure enough, once she regrouped and was able to pressure Nads and get the crowd into the match, Nads went all Nadsy and we had ourselves a match.

 

Poor Nads.  There was no reason she should have lost this match.  Then again, there's no reason she should have won it either.  The Russian headcasiness continues.  As much as these matches have been won with The Kid's tennis skills, even more so it's been her competitiveness that seal the deal.  She's able to put just enough pressure on them to get those doubts flowing.  Serious props to her.

 

So The Kid will play The Boots for a shot at the USO semis, and really, a REAAAAALLY good shot at the USO finals.  Boots came back from dropping the first set to battle Kuz to a 46 76 76 win.  More importantly she has torpedoed anymore Stella McCartney jokes.  I can honestly say I'm sadder about the latter.

So with Wickmayer and K-Bond making up the other quarterfinal in this half (yes, you read that right), we have ZERO Russians or Serbs in the quarters of a Slam. 

What.  Happened.

Blahroline, Indeed (TM Emma)

Caro won with a second set bagel.  That's great.  But so far so blah on the fashion front.  She debuted her pale colored Stella frock and it looks like a Project Runway dress that's been Auf Wiedersehened.  It just hangs there like 30 lbs of extra fabric.  No good.

Homecoming King and Queen

It was a good weekend for the Bunny Ranch, as their two top stars came out on top.  Fernando played a solid match to beat a tired Sam in straight sets, and Caro overwhelmed Vezzie to defend her title.  This is Fer's third career title and first of the year, and sixth and third for Boots.

Congrats.  Have fun crashing out of the USO early.

 

Less Giggling. More Charm.

More video and some interviewing from the Ana/Caro street fight.

Grinders

Apparently beating Yanina Wickmayer in three sets inspires these types of celebrations. 

Who knew?

 
Boots had an easy win, which is nice.  Unfortunately it came at the expense of The Butterfly. 

Rest in Peace, Chevy.  See you in New York.

And with great sadness I am forced to report that Sammy Stones lost to Vezzie in three sets.  But in happy news, ELENA VESNINA beat Sam Stosur in three sets!  Oh, tennis.  How you torture me.

For all you folks who do the bracket challenges for the Slams, take note that A-Rad and Mono both retired with injuries.  Ruh roh.

Singles – Second Round
(1/WC) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) d. (Q) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) 64 57 76(2)
(2) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) 61 64
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Iveta Benesova (CZE) 76(1) 64
Virginie Razzano (FRA) d. (5) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 36 64 ret. (right hand injury)
(Q) Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) d. (6) Marion Bartoli (FRA) 16 76(5) 20 ret. (left adductor strain)
Elena Vesnina (RUS) d. (9) Samantha Stosur (AUS) 36 63 64

Doubles – Quarterfinals
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Senoglu/Shvedova (TUR/KAZ) 62 61
(3) Craybas/Raymond (USA/USA) d. Borwell/Kops-Jones (GBR/USA) 63 62
(4) Bondarenko/Bondarenko (UKR/UKR) d. Cornet/Gallovits (FRA/ROU) 63 75

Bagels and Sticks.

It's nice to see Momo back and gaining some momentum going into NYC.  She 'sticked A-Bond 1 and 1.

And Boots kept the hurt coming during the evening session, as she double bageled Edina Gallovits.

In other warm and fuzzy news, Chakky came back to beat Bammer in three sets, rightfully putting her on the short list for #1.  Recognize.

Oh, and look at that.  Alicia Molik is playing dubs with Megan Shaughnessy.  Well, not anymore.  They lost to the Spaniards.  But nice to see her name again.

Singles - Second Round
(8) Amélie Mauresmo (FRA) d. Alona Bondarenko (UKR) 61 61
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. Sybille Bammer (AUT) 46 64 75

Singles - First Round
(2) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (LL) Edina Gallovits (ROU) 60 60
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 61 62
(6) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 46 63 61
(9) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 67(8) 62 64

Doubles - Quarterfinals
Benesova/Hradecka (CZE/CZE) d. Dekmeijere/U.Radwanska (LAT/POL) 36 62 107

Doubles - First Round
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. (WC) Molik/Shaughnessy (AUS/USA) 61 61
(3) Craybas/Raymond (USA/USA) d. Jans/Rosolska (POL/POL) 63 62

"Thanks, Coach"

Flavia and Boots attempt to play tennis on a football pitch. Hilarity insues. And awesomeness. But more hilarity.  Is Boots not the WTA's dream?  They just keep finding ways to rope her into these promos.  

 

Pic This: Battle of the Polish Papas

Aga and Caroline are playing doubles together in Toronto, which means some good old-fashioned fun on practice.  I will give Papa Wozniacki some credit for trying (although failing) to get Caroline to pick up the mess of balls behind her.  Oh well, Coconut and her man harem took care of it later.

I'm beginning to think maybe Papa R won't let Aga and Ula have a clothing sponsor just so he doesn't have to wear silly Fila outfits or whatever.

There were times when the Papas were hanging out and chatting.  The times when they weren't were obviously funnier.

"OK, Let's Do It."

I'm sure Brodie's in there somewhere screaming like a little girl.

No Match

Muzz is on fire and not even the wet blanket that is Kolya can put him out.

Le Muzz won easily 62 64 and will face the winner of Fed/Jo, which is going on right now.


As for the ladies, Caro was not match for Lena, once again.  She held serve, like, once, losing 62 61.


So congrats to Lena, who is fast becoming the Kolya of the WTA. 

"Oh yeah, she's still playing, huh?"

Just Short.

It was a day of strong challenges that fell just short as, for the most part (*cough*AnaAga*cough*) the seeds came through.  MaKiri stuck with JJ for much of the first set before she dropped the tiebreak 8-6.  From there, JJ took the second set 63 for the win.  But don't worry MaKiri, you still double bageled her and spat in her face at the net in the fashion department.

In the now-more-frequent-then-we'd-expect Woz/Woz match, Caro survived a scare from Aleks, dropping the first 46 before coming back to take the next two tight ones, 64 64.  Maybe Aleks is saving herself for Canadaland.

As for my favorite racquet smasher with a vagina (an important distinction so long as Marat is still playing), Bepa got 'sticked in the second by Kleybs and had to battle out the third to a 75 win.  Survive and move on, Casper.

As for A-Rad, how do you get bageled by Mama Bammer?  I think her new Babolat skirt distracted her.  She's never seen a logo before.

Singles - Second Round
(4) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. (Q) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) 63 64
(5) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. (WC) Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 76(6) 63
(7) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 64 16 75
(8) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 46 64 64
(9) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 64 62
Melinda Czink (HUN) d. (11) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 76(6) 75
Sybille Bammer (AUT) d. (13) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 60 75
(14) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Agnes Szavay (HUN) 62 64
Sorana Cirstea (ROU) d. Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) 63 62
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Alona Bondarenko (UKR) 75 16 64
Peng Shuai (CHN) d. María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 57 62 61
(WC) Kim Clijsters (BEL) d. Patty Schnyder (SUI) 62 75

Doubles - First Round
Kirilenko/Vesnina (RUS/RUS) d. Chuang/Yan (TPE/CHN) 64 60

That's A Wrap

Despite the LA tournament organizers trying their best to make this the most annoying tourney ever, I had a blast attending the tournament.  It really could have sucked.  The night before I was set to take off, both Dina and Ana lost, the latter being unsurprising and the former being, well, possibly a game changer.  I mean, I was shelling out $500 to *not* see Dinara?  What the fuck?

But it all proved to be worth it.  Despite the 8 dollar beers, prohibition on bringing in outside food or drink (though that didn't stop *some* people), and getting yelled at for bringing in a camera with a lens longer than 3 inches, it was so great to be in the sun and watch tennis.  But what made it awesome was the great company of Victoria, Katie, and Tracy, and the great matchups and high quality tennis (uh...let's ignore the hell that was the two hour Masha/Ula clusterfuck).

Highlights after the jump.

Friends Don't Let Friends Lose To Friends.

Interesting quotage from James LaRosa's blog on friendships on tour.  Much like James, I too am obsessed with wanting these girls to (a) be buddies on tour and (b) be buddies with me (well not all of them, just the awesome ones, cuz that's how I roll).  It's cute to see CanWoz down on court and congratulating Caro in her semifinal win in that fake clay tournament that I can't think of right now, or Caro coming standing courtside cheering on Sorana, despite the fact that she was already out of the tournament.  And I like to think that, especially among the veteran players, that as crazy as I make these women out to be, they're actually way awesome people that I just want to drink beers with and watch get into bar fights (I'm looking at you, Flavs). 

Unfortunately, it looks like the stakes are just too high these days, for both the men and the women.  Per Marat:

Lest we think this is all just a chick thing, Marat Safin chimed in last week declaring the ATP tour too is full of loners in the locker room. "Nobody is friends with anybody," said Safin.  "Everyone travels with his group, there is no more friendship like when I could hang out with [Patrick] Rafter or [Mark] Philippoussis.  I don't have any friends on the tour."
...

"Sometimes it's really tough," says Cibulkova.  "Like at Roland Garros, I played against Agnes Szavay to go into the quarterfinals.  We're great friends, and to be against her on this very important match, it was tough.  But I handled it.  At first she was pissed.  We didn't actually look for each other in the locker room.  A few days after she was fine, she said well done."
...
It's that inability to separate the professional from the personal that motivated Ivanovic's original statement.  One she stands by.  "Obviously there are friends [on tour]," Ivanovic elaborates for the Sweet Spot.  "You chat with all the girls here.  [But] it's very hard to build a close friendship.  A friendship that would last after a tennis career.  It's very hard because of [that] competition."

So what you're saying is that *after* tennis you and Dina will be BFFs?  Sigh.  Fine, I'll take it.

Oh, and just because I can and should, y'all should follow James on Twitter.  You'll thank me later: http://www.twitter.com/JamesLaRosa

12:15 am

It took her three sets over two hours but Sorana notched a nice win over Boots, 16 64 76(5).  It's kind of fun to think that this is one of those matchups that we'll see repeatedly over the course of the next few years.  Something tells me that Sorana is going to come out on top in the head to head.

Cars, Real Estate, and Jewels

I don't know why but all I can imagine Venus driving now is an El Camino. Also, I think it's a travesty that Agi isn't in these videos. I would love to hear her scoff at the idea of extravagance.

That Does Not Sound Like A Real Language

Go ahead, call me the insensitive American. But I've watched this thing 5 times now and I'm not convinced she ever said it word. It's just sounds to me. It's also 4am, so...that might have something to do with my coherence.

STELLLLLAAAAA!!!

On your marks, get set, go!

Oh, and to add insult to injury, MaKiri's being moved over to Dinara's asexual Competition Line.  I guess Ana and Sorana will be the only ones holding down the Adilibria line.

Read more about it at TSF.

Pic This: Can We Get A Fashion Consultant Over To The Bunny Ranch, ASAP?

Also?  That so does *not* look like Sorana.

Here, Caro, Have Another Trophy

Doubles partners Flavs and Olivia both bit the dust today, setting up the much anticipated showdown between Boots and...Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez.  So there's that.

Singles - Semifinals
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 63 46 62
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 75 64

Doubles - Semifinals
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Kondratieva/Lefèvre (RUS/FRA) 64 62
(2) Dulko/Pennetta (ARG/ITA) d. Domachowska/Grandin (POL/RSA) 62 64

 

No One, and I Mean NO ONE Beats Flavs Wearing a Sweatshirt. Fact.

Who do you think you are?  Bepa?  Step up your game, Alla.

So Bastad is working out to be a pretty fun tournament.  Flavia, Patty, Caro, and Dulko are through, which, given the WTA's "pleasant unpredictability", must give the Bastad tourney organizers some relief.

In the Battle For Middle Earth, wherein Middle Earth is the super cute flowy fashion designs of one Ms. Stella McCartney (who, incidentally, is going to design a line for GapKids), Boots came out on top.  And no, that's not a sex reference, Pspace.

 
And in the "Shit, I don't know who I'm rooting for here" match of the day, Olivia gutted out a tight three setter over #2 seed Domi.  I still refuse to believe she's for real.

And the headscratcher result of the day?  Sheldon (TM Victoria) gets bageled on her way to losing to Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater.  Bageled?  On clay?  Really, Sheldon?

Here are the rest of the scores:
Singles - Quarterfinals
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 75 76(4)
Gisela Dulko (ARG) d. (2) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 67(5) 63 76(6)
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 64 62
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. (7) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP)
46 63 60

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Schiavone/Suárez Navarro (ITA/ESP) 76(3) 62
Kondratieva/Lefèvre (RUS/FRA) d. (4) Cirstea/Wozniacki (ROU/DEN) 46 64 108

Pictoral Hilarity From Bastad

That looks comfy.

Caro at a "press conference".

Caro and Sorana rocking some ABBA, apparently.

And now for the drumroll...