Forty Deuce

Drama Queens.

They may not be best friends, they may not be great tennis players all of the time, and they may have disagreements from time to time.  But after this weekend they both share one unbreakable bond:

Daniela Hantuchova hates them both equally.*

In what was hands-down the most ridiculously dramatic tie of the weekend, Team Serbia overcame every fucking obstacle thrown in their way to stage in improbable comeback to take the tie over Slovakia 3-2, thus avoiding relegation to World Group II. 

I'm going to guess that the only person who is happier than JJ, Ana, Bojana, and Alexandra about Serbia surviving this dicey tie is Dejan.  When he announced on Friday that he wasn't putting in JJ to play a singles match on Saturday, people (read: me) were like "THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK????"  You're *not* going to play the Serbia #1 and player who's been making quarterfinal and semifinal runs for the past month and a half?  Watchu smokin' and can I have NONE OF IT.

No one was providing any clarification other than "I just think it's the right move."  We would find out after the tie that JJ wasn't feeling well so she essentially tapped herself out of Saturday's action.  I totally get why Dejan wouldn't say that in the first place.  But seriously, it would have saved everyone a lot of heavy drinking.

ANYWAY.

Shit could have been baaaad after Saturday.  Bojangles couldn't hold on to a one-set lead over Domi and collapsed in three, shifting the pressure on Ana.  AND WE KNOW HOW MUCH ANA LUUUUUUUURVES PRESSHA!

Actually, she lurved it quite fine.  She threw down the best Fed Cup performance of her career, beating Dani easily, and no there was no squeaking so don't even start with me, Dani.  WHEEE!!!  1-1 after day one.  Surely Dehan would put JJ in on Sunday and Ana and JJ would win their rubbers, hop on a plane, and go broker some peace in the Middle East.

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

After dropping the first set 63 to Domi, Ana was up 3-0 when she went for a backhand and felt a twinge in her abs.  Yup, the same abs that forced her to retire from Hopman Cup earlier in the year.  After dropping three straight games after that, she pulled the ripcord and retired from the match.  Oh, and when Ana retired in tears, Domi danced around and celebrated like she won a Slam. 

And that's when the Tennis Gods were like, "HAIL NAWWWWW, MIDGET."

Help us JJ-Wan Kenobi.  You're our only hope. 

And so, like death and taxes (which are due today, btw #PSA), JJ summoned Falkor (anyone?) and rode in to save the, what turned out to be, very very very long day.  First she needed over two hours and 45 minutes to beat Dani, 7-5 in the third.  Then she powdered her nose, took some time to explain to AK-47 what it means when Aunt Flo comes for a visit (mentoring!), and took the court for the decisive doubles match.  Which turned out to be nuts.

Clearly the fact that it was a decisive doubles match wasn't dramatic *enough* for Team Serbia so they decided to make it interesting: by going down a set and 5-1, 30-0 to Dani and Rybarikova.  Just for shits and giggs.

Final score?  26 75 97.  Serbia advances, Slovakia relegated.

I honestly had no idea whether those guys were Serbian coaches who were celebrating via dog pile, or Slovak fans who bumrushed the court to tear JJ's head off.  Either way, that looked kinda scary.  But also very very awesome. 

A gutsy Sunday for JJ who should totally get a Heart Award for spending over six hours on court, and a wonderful win by TEAM Serbia.  Ana secured a point, JJ secured a point, and AK-47 comes through YET AGAIN in a decisive doubles rubber.  And before people even try to slag off Bojana, let us not forget that much like Tipsy's DC heroics from last year, Serbia wouldn't have even been in a position to get back into World Group if not for Bojangles' Heart-Award-Worthy performance in the first round against Canada. 

As for all the stuff on the Twitter about pitting JJ fans against Ana fans and all that nonsense (if you don't know what I'm talking about don't worry about) all I have to say is this: Whatever.  This is a great accomplishment and result for these four ladies and I would personally rather spend my energy celebrating that than trying to turn shit all negative.  It just seems so unnecessary.  For now, let's pop some champagne, link arms, and sing made up songs that involve words like "ajde", "idemo", and "swimming pools".  We can all return to throwing poo at each other tomorrow.

That's Fed Cup, people.  It brings people together for a united cause.  Crazy shit happens when you stich that flag on your kit.  Sorry, did I say "crazy"?  I meant AWESOME.

(Pics: AP, Fed Cup Site)

*No, I do not know why JJ was dressed like the Hamburglar. 

 

 

 

Yup. She's Totally Serbian.

36 64 76(6)

Bojana!  Why is you lose to Ula?  I totally had you going through your 1/8th to beat Vika.

Once again.  All about me.  It's a talent.

(Pic: Forty Deuce)

 

Burn It. Burn It Down.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???

Hisense Arena claimed the tennis lives of two more Serbs this afternoon, as JJ and Bojangles went down to Peng and Bepa, respectively.  That's another early-round loss for JJ, who's gotta be concerned about the state of her game and her ranking.  She's got Indian Wells, Rome and RG SF points to defend over the next 6 months and it wouldn't be a shock to see her ranking plumet into the 20s if she can't get it together.  She just doesn't look like she knows what she wants to do out there tactically and the frustration sets in quite quick. 

JJ was up 4-1 in the first set and seemingly cruising before she lost her way and let Peng back into the set.  JJ began to back off a bit and Peng stepped up, hitting low and flat and keeping the ball out of JJ's strike zone.  Once Peng got into the match JJ retreated, playing more passively and either refusing to step in to attack when she needed to, or pulling the trigger too early and missing the shot.  It's the same old story for her really.  I feel like I've written up that match analysis at least five times by now.

With JJ and Ana out, Bojangles was the last Serb standing.  Stand she did for 45 minutes, as she quickly showed her solid game of finding angles and hitting near the lines.  I was feeling pleased as punch (as much as I could as she was beating up Bepa) that Bojangles was proving me clairvoyant.  She took the first set easily, 6-2.

But then Bepa, being the nerd that she is, got figured Bojangles' game and started to add a bit more variety to her shots.  She also used her legs, running down everything she could to put pressure on Bojangles to hit harder and closer to the lines.  The legs worked, and Bepa was able to come back and virtually cruise to a three set win. 

A really solid win for Bepa and a lot to be positive about for Bojangles after her Australian swing.  She's going to bag her first title this year.  I just know it.

But back to Hisense.  Nole and Viktor are the only two Serbs left in the singles main draw and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, they're playing each other tomorrow and they're scheduled for Hisense.  My prediction?  The building collapses and they're both out of the tournament.

Do NOT go near Hisense tomorrow.  You've been warned.

(Pics: Getty)

SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN.

Right around noon today the Tennis Gods finally got the plumbing over Melbourne fixed and that famous Aussie sun broke through, transforming Melbourne Park from the dreary and grey slab of the last few days into the vibrantly blue tennis heaven that I had previously only seen on television.  Let me tell you, this place sparkles when it isn't being cried on.  It's enough to put the pep into any tennis fan's step.

So with the courts dried and players finally able to take the court, I grabbed my camera and did the requisite rounds.

First stop, Sabine!  She won her first round qualifying match over Michaela Kraijcek 76 63, hitting 8 aces and 24 winners on the way.  She can still clock that serve and forehand, though her movement is still (and may always be) an issue. 

But it was a nice win for her and she was really pleased with herself after the match, throwing a jolly and heartfelt thank you to a few fans and congratulated her.  I really like this kid.  Super sweet.

Of course, while I was watching Sabine, I couldn't have but be distracted by a very familiar figure off in the distance...

Hey, you.

Nice to see Aga back on court again after that stress fracture in her foot.  She was practicing with Gisela. 

It was just a light hit but hopefully Gisela (who does not wear a sports bra and I cannot understand why) was able to pick up some tips for her match against Caro.  Probably not, but we can hope.

While Aga was practicing I couldn't help but giggle as a familiar figure sidled up beside me waiting to take the court.  That's right, Mlad the Impaler was set to take the court next.  She put her bag down and walked away for a few seconds, but unfortunately I was distracted by Bojangles and I missed my window of opportunity to fuck up her bag.  Or at least give it a light kick or something. 

When Mlad walked onto the court Aga asked her if she had the court next.  Mlad said yes and Aga told her that she and Gisela would just play across if it was ok (hitting to each other cross court).  Mlad hesitated, Aga just started serving, and Mlad finally said it was fine, though she didn't look happy about it.  All this is to say, Aga RULEZ.  You know who also rules?  Heather Watson.  She took out Mlad in the first round of qualifying in straight sets.  Get it, Hev.

No sleep for the weary, huh Bojo?  One day after losing in the Sydney semis, Bojo was back out on court hitting with Mlad.  I would see her 3 hours later hitting with someone else on another practice court.  Oh to have the energy of 19 year old legs.

Now, on to the boys...