Forty Deuce

Finals Week

Tennis Channel is reairing 2009's Grand Slam finals starting December 21.  Check out the rankings for the men's finals.  Geez, SOMEONE hates it when Fed loses, huh?

Whatever.

#8 – 2009 French Open Women’s Final: (Dec 21 @ 7 pm ET)
Svetlana Kuznetsova def. Dinara Safina (6-4, 6-2)

#7 – 2009 Australian Open Women’s Final: (Dec 22 @ 7 pm ET)
Serena Williams def. Dinara Safina (6-3, 6-0)

#6 – 2009 US Open Women’s Final: (Dec 23 @ 7 pm ET)
Kim Clijsters def. Caroline Wozniacki (7-5, 6-3)

#5 – 2009 Wimbledon Women’s Final: (Dec 24 @ 7 pm ET)
Serena Williams def. Venus Williams (7-6, 6-2)

#4 – 2009 US Open Men’s Final: (Dec 25 @ 7 pm ET)
Juan Martin Del Potro def. Roger Federer (3-6, 7-6, 4-6, 7-6, 6-2)

#3 – 2009 Australian Open Men’s Final: (Dec 26 @ 7 pm ET)
Rafael Nadal def. Roger Federer (7-5, 3-6, 7-6, 3-6, 6-2)

#2 – 2009 French Open Men’s Final: (Dec 27 @ 7 pm ET)
Roger Federer def. Robin Soderling (6-1, 7-6, 6-4)

#1 – 2009 Wimbledon Men’s Final: (Dec 28 @ 7 pm ET)
Roger Federer def. Andy Roddick (5-7, 7-6, 7-6, 3-6, 16-14)

Suspension of Suspense

Don't book your tickets to Australia just yet, but a Belgian court has supended the one year bans handed down to Yanina Wickmayer and Xavier Malisse.  Wicks has been offered a wildcard into Auckland and she's waiting official word that she'll be permitted to play.

It's unclear what the basis of the overrule is.  I'm genuinely curious.

Donkey Says...Jeremy Chardy

"Um. Pretty and sponsored by Lacoste. That's my wheelhouse." -- DG

What a great way to end your outstanding year, Jeremy.  Welcome to donkeygrooming's "I'd fuck you. I'd fuck you so hard" list.  It's pretty prestigious.

Look at those gams.  His lanky legs go on forver.

 

Well look at this GQ Preppy Motherfucker, right here.

Smoldery.

 

For me, personally, it's Jeremy's ability to rock a neck beard. 

It appeals to the hipster in me, though I'd prefer if he were the hipster in me.

Look at that skin.  Lovely, even when forced to rock Tommy Bahama chic.

Have I mentioned that jawline?  It's begging to be bitten.

Those eyes, those brows, that hair.

Welcome to the big leagues, Jeremy.

Donkey Says...Evgeny Korolev

Known around here as "Baby Marat", says Donkey: "What?  He's legal."

Can't argue with that.

He's a biter.  Which...can be a good thing.

He's super athletic.

Speaking of biting, look at those forearms...

Jesus.  He's pretty.

Oh fuck it.  Why do I even bother.  Evgeny is best seen without his shirt.

His body is the bomb diggity.  Perfection.

All I can think right now is "BODY SHOTS!!!!"

NomNomNom

Happy Birthday, Donkey

So one of my very best friends (and intermittent Forty Deuce character) donkeygrooming is celebrating her birthday this week.  DG and I met in law school, though it wouldn't be until four years later, when happenstance brought us together to share an office wall, that we really became friends.  Miraculously, between our random screams of "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" through the wall, daily coffee breaks, and shared misanthropic natures, we became buds.  She's been there in the good, the mundane, and the worst of times and I am incredibly indebted to her for that.  It couldn't have been easy to watch me convulsively cry silently into a bowl of clam chowder for 30 minutes.

I'm not entirely sure I've done much in return but I know for certain that she now has a very VERY deep seated love for swarthy Spaniards, kitten-haired Serbs, and hot Russians.  She reads four websites a day and FD is one of them.  And all she ever wants is pictures of pretty boys.

And so I, C Note, declare this week DonkeyGrooming Week.  It's going to be a week full of pics of the boys that make DG tingle down in her donkey loins.

So move over Edward.  Here come the sparkly rock hard boys of tennis.  These guys will actually fuck you. 

Pic This: "This Is A Vase"

"...for my dick."

The Hunk-a-Hunk of Burning Aussie Love won the AEGON Champions Cup in London, beating Stefan (the tennis player, not the chef).

2-0

DAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!

Let's be real, I did *not* think he had it in him.  Hobbling into Davis Cup, playing a streaking Steps, I just...really...didn't think he had a change here.  He was already a shock pick by Costa to play this second rubber, which I chalked up to Costa feeding him to the wolves, assuming the loss, in order to rest Fer for tomorrow and possibly Sunday.  And that's what it looked like after the first two sets, when Daveed was simply outclassed by Steps in the order of a 61 62 drubbing.

 

But Spain would not be denied.  Steps started to play too cute and Daveed picked up his game.  After he was able to take the third set, it really looked like it was going to turn around.  And did it ever.

Daveed would gut out the next three sets, 64 64 86, after 4 hours.  It was awesome.  He needed this win in a major way.

 

 

Save the Cheerleader.  Save the World.

Tough luck for the Czechs.  Sex should have really closed this out.  Doubt they can overcome a 0-2 deficit.  Radek will have to rally to get up for tomorrow's must win doubles rubber.

1-0

Well that was a triumphant return.

Tomas was able to hang with him for about half a set before Rafa pulled out the first set 75.  From there it was all Rafa, as he'd take the next two sets 60 62.

 

Sorry, Tomas.  You're still pretty, though.

Pic This: Sluuuuuuuurp

Yesterday we got Goran and Paddy, today we get Stefan.  I'm so ok with this.

Pic This: Someone Get Goran A Sammich!

I like my Goran fiery and on the edge.  And no, a fake Ed Hardy hoodie does not on the edge make. 

But good Lord, Beef Paddy still looks good. 

Meh, who am I kidding.  I'd still have awesomely protected bonefests with either.  Or both. 

UPDATED: Dirty South

Midnight Train To Georgia - 30 ROCK - watch more funny videos

The ATP Indianapolis tournament is relocating to Hotlanta next year. Too bad. There had been speculation that the tournament might be moving to Chicago, which would have been pretty nifty. Either way, enjoy the heat, ATPers!

UPDATED: Or, you know...not:

 

UPDATED AGAIN: Also, Kitzbuehl is moving to Nice.

Whatever.

 

#1.  On my shit list.

WTF? Kolya The Fuck.

And then, there was Kolya.

 

I could not be happier about this result.  I mean, seriously, what can you say about Kolya's performance at the World Tour Finals (see, that's me trying to be professional).  He only beat all of the 2009 Slam winners (Fed, Rafa, Elf), as well as RG09 Finalist and hot hand (Sodz).  No one can find anything to criticize in this result.  Tough draw, tough opponents, tough matches...

Tough Kolya.

He'll end the year at #6, bumping A-Rod down to #7. 

 

Too bad for Elf, but he just run out of gas.  A win would have gained him the #4 rank from Muzz.  

And with that, the ATP season ends.  Nole, Rafa, and Fer limped, Muzz flopped, Sod surged, and Fed secured his top ranking.

Thoughts on the WTF? 

I Wonder If They Listen To Their Own Music To Pump Up. Probably.

 

Get some Kleenex because there be some upsets over on the dubs side.  Mirnyi and Ram bounced the #2 seeded BryBros in straights, 64 64, and the #3 team of Dlouhy/Paes fell in straights as well.  

 

It really really really really *really* bothers me that they're wearing Marat's kit. 

WTF?!?: Tuesday OOP

 

Fed vs. Muzz.  This will either be a Fed blowout or a tight three set win for Muzzard. 

I'm leaning towards the former.

Day Session 12.30 pm GMT (7.30 am ET)
Bhuapthi/Knowles vs. Fyrstenberg/Matkowski
Del Potro vs. Verdasco

Night Session 7 pm GMT (2 pm ET)
Nestor/Zimonjic vs. Cermak/Mertinak
Federer vs. Murray

Evil Strikes Again

64 64. 

That sucked.

  

Well-played match by The Evil One.  Rafa was discombobulated and definitely failed to keep colm through the match.  It's a tough loss for Rafa for a lot of reasons but I just can't get over his refusal to challenge that line call on game point at 4-5 in the first set.  Serving at 40-30, Rafa hit an ace that was called a fault.  He thought about challenging but didn't.  Replays showed the ball was in, which would have given him the hold at 5-5.  Instead, the game went to deuce and Sod won the next two points to take the set.  I'm definitely not saying Rafa would have won, but boy that hold would have made a huge difference.

Afterwards, Rafa was, as always, frank about his performance:

"I didn't play really bad. But in the important moments, I didn't have this calm, this necessary calm, to win these matches against the best players of the world."

"If you want to still talk about me (being) No. 1, I can, but I think is not the right moment. My level right now I think is not to be No. 1."

So, you know, nice win, Sod.  You're still a piece of shit. 

WTF?!?: Monday OOP

Day Session 12.30 pm GMT (7.30 am ET)

Bryan/Bryan vs Mirnyi/Ram

Nadal vs. Soderling

Night Session 7 pm GMT (2 pm ET) 

Dlouhy/Paes vs. Kubot/Marach

Djokovic vs. Davydenko

Greeeeaaaaat.

Top dubs seeds Nenad and Danny dropped their opening match in straight sets to the Polish team of Fyrstenberg and Matkowski, 64 64.  If Nena and Danny had won all their round robin matches, they would have guaranteed a year-end #1 ranking.  As it is, the Bry Bros now have a shot.  

In the other dubs match of the day, this happened:

 

I don't want to talk about it.

 

WTF?!?: Sunday OOP

 

Dim the lights and slip into something more comfortable.  

It's sexy time.

Day session

12.30 pm GMT (7.30 am ET)

Nestor/Zimonjic vs. Fyrstenberg/Matkowski

Murray vs. del Potro

Night Session 

7 pm GMT (2 pm ET) 

Bhupathi/Knowles vs. Cermak/Mertinak

Federer vs. Verdasco

Pic This: The Mad Men Of Putnam, Powell, and Loeb

 

I'd totally watch the spin off.

ATP WTF, Sponsored By Planters Peanuts.

 

But where are the top hats and monocles?  Talk about a missed opportunity.

Either that or this is a brilliant viral marketing campaign by Planters, a la this.

Ok, I'll stop fawning but I love love LOVE the ties the ATP made for them.  The hunter green and grey?  Swoony McSwoonerson over here.

 

Aaaaaand I've stopped swooning.  Thanks, BonerKillerer.

 

I will say this about Fed.  I'm glad he's procreating so that he can pass on that head of hair.  

 

Ahem.  No kids yet for Kolya.  No coincidence I'm sure.

 

I wonder if Simon Fuller, at some point, will drug Muzz, throw him into the back of a van, drive him to some dark alley, and get a one eyed Asian dentist in a wheelchair to fix his teeth.  Because boy, those things ruin a lot of pics.  That said, they're also why I love him.  I know, I'm not right in the head.

 

Aw, perfect. 

 

Rafa looks so different from picture to picture.  Does the dampness of his hair make *that* much of a difference?

 

It's weird to see Andy actually look bigger than Rafa.

Oh yeah.  This guy.

Welcome To The Hogwart's Reunion.

 

If Shanghai made the boys look like Hitmen, London has turned them all into the most mischievous group of prep school kids this side of Manhattan.  And I LOVE it.

  

The battle for Class President begins here.

Nice to see Rafa's hair decided to dry for this pic.

  

The faves.  Or so "they" say.

  

Cute.

 

Not sure why I can't find his stock picture.  Did someone arrive a little late to the party?

 

Lucky Sod.

1, 2, 3, DRAW!

The WTF Draw.  Should be interesting. 

Group A

Fed
Muzz
Elf
FeVer

Group B

Rafa
Nole
Kolya
General Sod

Tough call on who this will play out.  But in the end, I think Rafa has a damn rough draw given his form.  But I'm excited to see Muzz/Fed.  Will Fed decide to win or lose?  I mean, it's all up to him, right?

As for Muzz, that's a pretty good "revenge" draw for him.  What better way to get the crowd into it?

As for Dubs...

Group A

Nestor/Zimonjic
Bhupathi/Knowles
Cermak/Mertinak
Fyrstenberg/Matkowski

Group B

Bryan/Bryan
Dlouhy/Paes
Kubot/Marach
Mirny/Andy Ram

Dick For Evil

Out.

 

In.

Paris: Friday OOP

The blockbuster matches are in the day session.  If Nole and Rafa win, FeVer qualifies for WTF.

"...even Gasquet." How sad.

ATP piece on France's ability to identify young talent.

But all the talk of "talent spotting" and "detection" immediately made me think of this:

"It Looks Like It Would Hurt."

On this week's FD Podcast, we wrap up the WTA insanity, debate whether Roger cares about the non-Slams, re-evaluate (through tears) Marat's career, and I relent and actually discuss Meth-Gate.

And Victoria and I crush some Tecate.  Yeah, that's right.  We can multitask like you wouldn't believe.

FD Podcast: It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

Nom Nom Nom, Apricot Bars.

Well how about that? 

Nole and Muzz have easy straight set wins (I'm assuming -- Muzz/Blah is still in the second set), Rafa plays like shit but survives 5 match points to beat Nico, and Fed is out of Paris at the hands of a teary and bloody Apricot. 

Fantastic performance by Julien.  I really thought he'd choke when he served for the match at 5-4.  But he held his nerves and it was Fed who seemed all out of sorts.  The guy looked listless and uninspired.  Perhaps those late night feedings are taking their toll?

Or maybe he just wanted out of the tournament so he could celebrate with Marat?  All I know is, Roger better throw down his AMEX Black Card for this one.  Only the best for Maratski.

Paris: Wednesday OOP

GAME.  ON.

Heart of Lion, Body of A One-Legged Chicken

(Couldn't find a pic from today.  So we're going to go with this one.)

I have no idea how Commodus survived this match, but big ups to him.  After splitting the first two sets against Lubes, Gilles suffered a rough knee injury in the third set that required him to call a trainer in the middle of the game.  He was hobbling and really, had no business continuing to play, and had it been a tournament in any other city I'm sure he would have retired.  But he gamed up and finished the match.  He somehow kept holding serve to force a tiebreak, and in that tiebreak he played extremely intelligent tennis to take the match.  I don't know what happened to Lubes.  You'd think he'd start moving Gilly around but he didn't.  He just kept puffing the ball back with no pace in the middle of the court.  It was so odd.

Afterwards, Gilles seemed almost embarrased about the win.  It isn't clear whether he'll be able to play his next match. 

Earler, Fernando survived a scare and kept his WTF dreams alive by gutting out a three set win over Seppi.  Don't fuck this up, Fer.  I want to see you in London.

Oh, and before I forget, what the fuck, Feli?

Singles - Second Round
[6] N Davydenko (RUS) d B Becker (GER) 62 61
[7] F Verdasco (ESP) d A Seppi (ITA) 67(3) 64 64
[8] J Tsonga (FRA) d A Montanes (ESP) 61 75
[11] G Simon (FRA) d I Ljubicic (CRO) 63 36 76(4)

Singles - First Round
N Almagro (ESP) d M Chiudinelli (SUI) 62 64
[Q] D Guez (FRA) d S Wawrinka (SUI) 63 64
J Monaco (ARG) d J Chardy (FRA) 76(6) 75
J Benneteau (FRA) d P Petzschner (GER) 46 75 63
[Q] A Clement (FRA) d F Lopez (ESP) 63 61

Paris: Tuesday OOP

Jeremy and Pico looks fun.  And tasty.

Admit It. You Don't Want To Leave.

So enigmatic.  So sexy.  So ridiculous. 

He's the closest thing we have to a Don Draper on the ATP tour.

And just like D2, right when you thought he was on the brink and about to pack it up, he sacks up and shows everyone why we love him: His Balls.  Serving to stay in the match, Marat was faced with double match point.  What'd he do?  He reached back and fired a bunch of aces to get himself out of the jam.  All in all he would save 3 match points and go on to win the match in a tiebreak.

And so he lives to fight off retirement.  But not for long.  He plays Elfie on Wednesday.

Try not to get kicked in the face, k?

Singles - First Round

A Seppi (ITA) d P Kohlschreiber (GER) 63 63
I Karlovic (CRO) d P Cuevas (URU) 76(3) 64
T Berdych (CZE) d [Q] V Millot (FRA) 63 76(4)
[Q] L Kubot (POL) d A Beck (GER) 64 36 64
V Troicki (SRB) d P Mathieu (FRA) 76(4) 30 ret. (right calf)
A Montanes (ESP) d V Hanescu (ROU) 36 63 76(3)
J Isner (USA) d [Q] A Falla (COL) 46 76(10) 75 - saved 3 M.P.
[WC] M Safin (RUS) d [Q] T Ascione (FRA) 64 46 76(3) - saved 3 M.P.
I Ljubicic (CRO) d [WC] S Grosjean (FRA) 76(2) 64

Let's Give Them Something To Talk About.

The boys make their final stop in Paris this week.  And there's a lot to talk about.

Draw.

1.  Race To WTF: 7 players are still in the running for the final two spots for the ATP year-end championship in London.  Kolya and Fernando currently hold those spots, but they're definitely not a lock.  Sods, Gonzo, and Jo have to reach the finals in order to have a chance and Radek and Marin need to win the whole shebang (and Fer has to lose his opening match).  So if Fer wins his first match, Radek and Marin are out.  Past that, we'll have to wait and see.  The ATP put together a pretty handy chart to plot out everyone's chances:

The chart calculates each player's point total per round.

2.  Marat's Last Stand: Get ready for it ladies.  This is Marat's final tournament as an ATP professional.  May your vaginas weep accordingly.  He plays tomorrow.

3.  The Big Boys Duke It Out: A-Rod has withdrawn but otherwise it's the first time since the USO that all the top guys will be present.  Muzz, Delpo, and Fer are in Roger's half, while Nole, Kolya, and Jo are in Rafa's half.  But much like the ladies, the ATP trainers better be on alert.  Delpo and Jo have withdrawn from recent tournaments due to injury, and Nole, Muzz, and Rafa (and probably Fed) are struggling with injury as well.  That combined with the WTF could lead to some early retirements/withdrawals/losses.

4. Dubs: How's this for some awesome: Rafa teams up with Pico and Elf teams up with Gonzo.  Hilarity.

Monday's OOP:

Nice Urn, Andy.

Hate the trophy.  Love the jacket and the ugly mug in it.

Congrats to Muzzard for his 6th title of the season after beating Misha in straight sets.  And congrats to Misha for having a great tournament, beating Gilles and Kolya to get to the final.

Whee!

*SNORT*

Slippery Little Sucker

Novak Djokovic, Comeback Kid?  What's going on?

He already had to mount a comeback to overcome Stan.  But this time, Nole looked like a goner.  Serving to stay in the match at 4-5, Nole faced triple break point.  He would then play 5 solid, confident points to save the game, which basically amounted to a swift kick in the nuts to Radek, who wasn't the same after that.  Nole would go on to break and take the second set 75 and the third 62. 

Well done, Falcon!

He'll face Fed in the final, who won the Battle of the Basel Ball Boys in the other semi.  All credit to Chiuds, who forced a really well-played tiebreak, which Fed won 9-7.  From there, Fed rolled to the win.

Semifinal Saturday OOPs

Bali:

Centre Court (from 14.30hrs)

1. Marion Bartoli vs. Kimiko Date Krumm
2. Aravane Rezai vs. María José Martínez Sánchez

Valencia:

Center Court (from 18.00hrs)

1. Davydenko vs. Youzhny
2. Murray vs. Verdasco

Basel:

Center Court (NB 14.30hrs)

1. Djokovic vs. Stepanek
2. Federer vs. Chiudinelli

Russians, Muzzard, and an Ill-Fitting Hat.

Fer in, Tommy out.  No real surprise there.  It was a clean kill.  But I love with Sergio Tachini decides to abandon navy blue and rock out some colors.  And I LOVE Tommy's red and white kit. 

Same goes for Fred Perry.  Love the red accents on Muzz's kit, even if it looks like Muzz is bleeding from the pits.  He also had a clean win, 4 and 2 over Montanes.

And of course, the Russians are in the mix.  Koyla took out Garcia Lopez in straights and Mischa upset Gilles, 4 and 4.  They'll face off in the other semi.

I love it when Gilles gets all veiny.  It makes me laugh.

Swissers, Falcons, and Worms.

Well look who crashed the party.

Not sure people thought the two Swissers to make the semis in Basel would be Fed and Chiuds, but there it is.  Marco summarily dismissed a very flat Reeshie, 1 and 3.

And then there were the comeback kids.  Nole pulled a rabbit out of his hat, coming back from a set and a break down to beat Stan.  And Radek pulled off a bit of an upset, coming back from a set down to beat Marin.  And Jelena's still pretty.

[1] R Federer (SUI) d [Q] E Korolev (RUS) 63 62
[2] N Djokovic (SRB) d [6] S Wawrinka (SUI) 36 76(5) 62
[5] R Stepanek (CZE) d [4] [WC] M Cilic (CRO) 46 63 63
[WC] M Chiudinelli (SUI) d R Gasquet (FRA) 61 63

So it'll be Fed vs. Chiuds (yawn) and Nole vs Steps (intriguing).

Interestingly, the win keeps Radek in the hunt for the WTF.  The loss means Marin has to win Paris to have a chance.  I'm sure none of you care about this fact.  But I thought it was interesting.  So there.

 

Point, Bodo.

 

Pete's ESPN piece on the Wickmayer/Malisse suspensions.  I'm generally a rule-oriented person.  If you disagree with the rule, change it, but once it's in place, it is what it is.  So thanks to Mrs. Saifn for pointing out that the 1 year suspension was actually mandatory.  Them's the rules.

As for Pete, he makes a great point here:

Wickmayer's infraction was, literally, three times as serious. She went AWOL three times, and that's a little disturbing. You can't expect the teacher to believe that your dog ate your homework three nights in a row. And there's this: These two players aren't the only ones who have to jump through the doping hoops. If Roger Federer, Serena Williams & Co. all have abided by these demands, why should Wickmayer and Malisse get an exemption?

If bat-shit crazy Serena can focus long enough to check in with the authorities, and really, is there any doubt that not even Serena knows where the hell she is at any given point in time, then why couldn't Wickmayer and Malisse?

I think it's still unfortunate.  The penalty just doesn't fit the crime here.  But dem's the rules, I guess. 

The one year suspension could mean the end of a career for Malisse, who'll be 30 next year.

"A procedure before Cas is very costly and lasts a very long time," he said.

"I currently don't have the financial means to take on such a battle. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but if the suspension is maintained that means the end of my career."

Boys: Friday OOPs

Valencia:

 

Basel:

Home Stamp

Over the weekend, Douche Stamp took his first title of the year in Vienna.  Since the picture is only from the waist up I can't tell you if Domi was there or not.

 

The old man still has some spring in his step, as he won his first title in two years in Lyon, beating Michael Llodra in straight sets.

 

And a day after breaking MaratKADS' hearts by ousting the old lug and preventing him from reaching an ATP final, 1812 took the title in St. Petersberg over 8th seeded Argentinian, Zeballos.

And that's the sausage news that's fit to print.

Marat Is About As Good At Retiring As I Am At Quitting My Job.

Team Russia is looking mighty awesome right about now.

Team Russia: Marat Safin, Maria Sharapova, Vera Zvonareva
Team Asia: Paradorn Srichaphan, Zheng Jie, Ayumi Morita
Team America: Michael Chang, Venus Williams, Gisela Dulko
Team Europe: Stefan Edberg, Caroline Wozniacki, Victoria Azarenka

Please let there be Marat/Masha and Stefan/Vika mixed dubs.  The former for the awesomeness, the latter for the complete and utter mindfuck.

So do you think the HK organizers changed the format to include the old fogies so that they could convince Marat to play?  For a guy who keeps complaining about how much tennis sucks he sure does keep playing.  I'm guessing it's because the weather in HK in January is 92% better than the weather in Mother Russia.  Either that or the touching/cheezy Asian tributes really touched a nerve.

In other news... STEFAN!!!

Oh yeah. Boys.

Yes, the boys are continuing the grind in St. Pete's and Vienna. 

St. Petersberg

Singles - First Round

[4] J Chardy (FRA) d [Q] P Luncanu (ROU) 62 62 
[5] I Andreev (RUS) d P Starace (ITA) 64 62
[Q] S Stakhovsky (UKR) d [6] E Korolev (RUS) 64 63
[8] H Zeballos (ARG) d [Q] Y Schukin (KAZ) 76(9) 63
I Marchenko (UKR) d F Fognini (ITA) 64 61
[WC] M Elgin (RUS) d M Kukushkin (KAZ) 63 63
[WC] A Kuznetsov (RUS) d M Granollers (ESP) 67(4) 76(6) 64
[Q] O Dolgopolov Jr. (UKR) d R Ginepri (USA) 62 10 ret. (hip injury)

Doubles - First Round
L Friedl (CZE) / J Levinsky (CZE) d [2] J Brunstrom (SWE) / J Rojer (AHO) 76(7) 67(7) 11-9
I Andreev (RUS) / M Youzhny (RUS) d [WC] P Chekhov (RUS) / V Rudnev (RUS) 67(4) 64 10-5
P Cuevas (URU) / H Zeballos (ARG) d I Kunitsyn (RUS) / M Safin (RUS) 76(6) 26 10-8

Wednesday OOP:

Vienna

Singles - First Round
[1] [WC] M Cilic (CRO) d [Q] A Falla (COL) 62 63
[2] R Stepanek (CZE) d L Kubot (POL) 64 61
[4] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d [Q] D Kindlmann (GER) 61 63
[6] F Lopez (ESP) d [WC] A Haider-Maurer (AUT) 64 64
[7] J Melzer (AUT) d M Chiudinelli (SUI) 76(4) 76(10)
*[LL] M Berrer (GER) d S Darcis (BEL) 63 62
J Hajek (CZE) d A Seppi (ITA) 76(4) 57 63

*[LL] M Berrer (GER) replaced P Petzschner (GER) - (left calf)

Doubles - First Round
J Isner (USA) / J Kerr (AUS) d [1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) 46 76(8) 10-6
[2] M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL) d [WC] M Fischer (AUT) / P Oswald (AUT) 64 76(3)

"Fuck a lotta women, kid, I have no reason to lie to you. Not just one, a lotta women."

I'd call you "Papa", Marat. But something tells me that's not what you meant.

Thanks to New Balls, Please for finding this.

Faces of Meth

Apparently tennis and crystal meth go together. 

According to an "accidentally" "leaked" tweet by an SI reporter, Andre Agassi confirms in his upcoming autobiography that he did crystal meth during his career.  So, you know, idiot.  That shit will fuck. you. up.

Listen, I've watched a lot Intervention in my time.  And 99% of the time, I've been drunk during the episode.  I've seen episodes on alcoholism, crack cocaine, speedballs, bulimia, anorexia, rage, gambling, shopping, cutting, heroin, etc.  And the one thing I learned from Intervention is that if there is any drug to avoid, it's meth. 

Fergie proves my point.  She's got crazy meth face and she makes crap music.  And it's all because of meth.  Fact.

Still don't believe me?  Click here to browse through Faces of Meth, a project by some Oregon cops who compared photos of meth users over time. 

All this is to say, don't do meth, kids.  Or I will literally punch you in the face.

Pic This: "Baby Are You Down Down Down Down Down..."

Pico goes out 4 and 4 to The Whistleblower in Stockholm.

There's A Reason It's The World's Oldest Profession, People.

So the If Stockholm Open started off with a bang...or not.

Two ATP players were arrested for soliciting prostitutes.  The names haven't been released (and it's unclear whether they ever will be) but we do know that both of them were scheduled to play in the tournament.

Based on my brief scan of Twitter, people seem to be backing Baggy as one of the two, which...heh.  I for one am too tired/apathetic to make predictions.  No matter who gets named I won't be surprised.  Boys like poon, women gotta pay the bills.  It's the stuff of fairytales.

I Totally Had Mleczko/Mlynarkiewicz In My Bracket, Suckers.

Genius. Absolute fucking genius. Welcome back, 30 Rock.

(Sorry to the internationals. The clip is only available on Hulu.)

Monday OOPs

Moscow

 

Stockholm

 

Luxembourg

 

Leftovers

In addition to Moscow, the ATP and WTA each have one more tournament going on this week.  Including possibly my favourite-named tournament of the entire year, the "If Stockholm Open".

Stockholm (ATP 250)

 

Draw 

Top Four Seeds: Soderling, Tommy H., Mosquito, Juan Monaco

Potential Quarterfinals: Soderling/Boris Becker, Mosquito/Andreas Beck, Juan Monaco/Alberto Montanes, Tommy H./Feli

Potentially Interesting Early Matches: Mosquito/Marcos (1R), Feli/Ernie (1R), Jarkko/Gregor Dmitrov (1R), Juan Monaco/Pim Pim (2R)

Big Question: If Stockholm, then...

Luxembourg (WTA International)

 

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Caro, Kim, AMG, Dani

Potential Quarterfinals: Caro/KBond, Kim/Sabine, AMG/Yanina, Dani/CSN

Potentially Interesting Early Matches: Caro/Melanie (1R), Sabine/Benesova (1R), Petra/Patty (1R), Yanina/Alize (2R), CSN/Shahar (2R), Kim/Winner of Petra v. Patty

Big Questions: Why, why, why is Caro playing here??  If Kim wins, will she go to Bali?  Is Luxembourg for real?