Forty Deuce

"He's Such a Copycat."

A few of you have written inquiring as to when the next installment of the Forty Deuce podcast would be up.  Here's the deal: It is SUPER awkward to do a podcast by yourself.  And with my partner in crime (heh), Love All, off at an undisclosed location for much of this year, I've had to shelve the podcasts.  Unfortunately my dog has very little to say about tennis.

But you can't say that I don't listen so here's the next installment, wherein I've roped in Forty Deuce regulars Sodapop, Carrie, and Victoria, to talk about everything from my general apathy towards Ana's losses, illegal immigration, and Stan's second fiddle, to how badly the WTA marketing department has failed, our love for tennis umpires, and the intimate details contained in Sodapop's diary.  You'll have to excuse any technical issues.  I'm still trying to master it all.  But I'll get it all worked out and I can promise your tech savvy and topically focused p-casts in the future.

I'm warning you, it's a long one and very WTA heavy.  Perfect for sitting in traffic while you're on your way to wherever you don't want to be.

Download Here.

What The Tuck?

Dude?  It's WORLD TEAM TENNIS.

World TeamTennis has suspended and fined New York Sportimes coach Chuck Adams after his team -- which features John McEnroe -- and the Washington Kastles got into heated arguments over players getting hit by shots.

The league barred Adams from leading New York against visiting Kansas City on Friday night for "violating the World TeamTennis Coaches' Code of Conduct."

Adams went onto Washington's side of the court to confront a Kastles player Thursday.

The league called this "the first punishment" for what happened between New York and Washington on Thursday. WTT said it "continues to investigate the incident to determine if there will be any additional punishments issued."

Who is Chuck Adams, you might ask?  Well, he's the one who convinced this girl to pose for Playboy and let him knock her up.  Um, you guys all know how I *hate* to judge people that I don't know, but this guy sounds like a used douche.

The Box, It Beckons.

 
Other than a certain result that I'm going to completely ignore, it was business as usual for the boys in Madrid.  Jo, Stan, and Daveed won without incident, and Marat, Ernie, and FeLo lost.

Singles - First Round
[9] J Tsonga (FRA) d M Safin (RUS) 64 75
[11] S Wawrinka (SUI) d [Q] M Crugnola (ITA) 62 60
[12] D Ferrer (ESP) d [Q] G Canas (ARG) 62 62
[WC] O Hernandez (ESP) d M Vassallo Arguello (ARG) 63 63
M Fish (USA) d J Tipsarevic (SRB) 76(3) 64
F Serra (FRA) d R Schuettler (GER) 62 64
[WC] I Ljubicic (CRO) d [Q] T Gabashvili (RUS) 63 62
R Soderling (SWE) d *(LL) I Navarro (ESP) 64 62
S Bolelli (ITA) d [Q] J Chela (ARG) 75 76(3)
[Q] T Haas (GER) d E Gulbis (LAT) 62 57 75
P Kohlschreiber (GER) d N Almagro (ESP) 63 64
[WC] J Monaco (ARG) d F Lopez (ESP) 64 75

*(LL) I Navarro (ESP) replaced I Andreev (RUS)

Doubles - First Round
F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) d J Knowle (AUT) / J Melzer (AUT) 62 75
S Huss (AUS) / R Hutchins (GBR) d [WC] P Andujar (ESP) / G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 46 75 10-7

Ashley Harkleroad be preggers.

Well that's a pretty good reason to withdraw from the US Open.  Considering she had emergency surgery in March to remove her right ovary and confessed that she was really scared she couldn't have kids, this is great news.  So congrats to Ashley. 

Never trust a tramp-stamped-girl's definition of "classy"

Ashley Harkleroad's artsy Playboy pictorial has hit the web.  Go to WTA Tennis World if you want to see the censored pics. 

I'll be honest, I thought the pictures actually were going to be classier.  Like, she's naked lying in bed or in the shower or something.  Not "Hey I"m standing on a tennis court.  Let me lift my shirt and my skirt so you can see me in all my athletic glory!"  It's all so Hustler's Barely Legal, Volume 213.

But then I saw that sun-shaped tramp stamp on her lower back.  And then it all made sense.  She's totally THAT girl.

"Oompa Loompa, doopity doo. I have another puzzle for you."

So Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy spread (heh) is hitting the stands on Friday.  You can see the cover at Down the Line!  I just don't have the heart to post it on my PG-13 page.

Two things came to mind when I saw the picture:

1. Lady Sovereign's "Orange"
   

   Why not fling her on the window sill as a pumpkin,
   When it's approaching Halloween,
   Or on your English breakfast, place her next to the bacon,
   She could be the beans,
   And you always know wheres she's been,
   And you always know when she's had a pee,
   Cause the toilet seat ain't clean
   Cause the toilet seat has an orange sheen,
   Ching, bring out the detergent,
   Scrub that oompa loompa it's urgent,
   Have you seen her face it's disturbing,
   How much fake tan are you squirting,
   Err it's hurting my eyes, and your starting to look like the sunrise,
   And your fake tan's so ming, you're attracting flies!

2. The scene from 30 Rock where Jenna poses for Maxim, gets oiled up with salad dressing, and proceeds to slip and slide all over the red leather chaise lounge with a rubber chicken in her mouth (I've searched for a clip and damn those NBC copyright lawyers!).

I have no problem with Ashley posing for Playboy.  To each their own.  She's a better pin-up than a tennis player anyway (recent Fed Cup win notwithstanding). 

Sorry.  Was that harsh?  Well my opinion may have been influenced by her idiotic explanation during a press conference at Roland Garros for why she did it (by way of background, the surgery they're referring to was for an ovarian cyst that ruptured and required doctors to remove her right ovary in April):

Q.  You went through surgery and then posed for Playboy?

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: Yeah. Like, I don’t know, I was just laying there for three weeks, and, you know, an offer came to me. I thought, Well, I’m not really doing anything right now. So I thought about it, and, you know, it was something that I did. I’m proud of my body. I was representing a female athlete’s body, you know.  Like Amanda Beard would have done, so, yeah.

Q. I guess the thing that people might be curious about is you had just had surgery, fairly traumatic surgery, so you might not have been in maybe tip top shape.

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: Actually, I was like super thin, you know. I was like thinner than I probably would have been like muscle wise. But we did it in a course of like four different days, so I was working out like a week. My body was actually getting back to more muscular.  But, see, when I don’t play tennis I lose all my muscle, so I become like a size smaller in jeans and everything like that. But at the same time, you know, there was really nothing. I wasn’t really doing anything, and like I said, the offer came to me and I thought about it and decided that I would do it.

Q. I mean, Ashley, you’re weighing the pros and cons of doing that. Can you talk about what you thought the pros were and what the cons would be?

ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: You know, there’s a few reasons why I did it, but I can’t really go into it right now. You know, you can read it and you’ll understand probably more.
But like I said, I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal, you know. I’m proud of my body. I stay in shape and try to stay fit, so like I said, I’m just trying to represent a female athlete and her body. That can be sexy too, you know.

So basically she was bored and thinner than normal because of her traumatic surgery.  Yet she thinks she's accurately representing a female athlete's body.  That's like me being sick with pneumonia for months, losing 30 pounds as a result, and thinking "Hey, I'm going to do a photo shoot to represent what a professional working woman's body looks like." 

Perhaps making potentially life-altering decisions after having your ovary removed isn't the best way to go.  I'm just throwing it out there.