It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Walk with me.
Gisela! It's singles! Flavi's not there. Focus!
"So what I'm gonna do is I'm going to hit more to his forehand, like high topspin, and push him back behind the baseline. Then I'm going hit this shot, have you heard of it? It's called a forehand drop shot. Anyway, apparently it works on clay. I just figured this out. Yeah, I know, I'm brilliant. So like I was saying..."
More after the jump.
"Last year, I got asked a lot of questions about why I wasn't doing as well in the slams. It's all well and good winning the Masters Series but the slams are what is important. This year, the one slam I played, I played very, very well - the best tennis of my life."
-- Muzzard, on the importance of doing well at the Slams.
Last year the Queen said she'd go to Wimbledon if Moose made the final. Now, word from on high is that she'll actually come during the first week, the first time she will attend in over 30 years.
Moose Fever. Catch it.
Not so much for winning though.
Happy B-Day, Andy! You're 23, which, according to Tom Haverford, makes it totally not creepy for me to date you! Yay for all of us.
But really, yay for Daveed. That was a fucking clinic that you put on tonight. Now please please please back it up tomorrow.
Pardon me as I have a moment.
...
...
...
Ok. I'm good. That was nice.
The faves keep cruising on the men's side, as Rafa, Fed, and Muzzard keep trucking. I realize now that I'm using "faves" loosely with my inclusion of Muzzard. But you guys know what I mean. Rafa had a tougher scoreline but seemingly easier match against Isner in straights, Andy demolished Hanescu 2 and 1, and some guy named Federer beat another Swiss guy.
This sets up some tasty match ups tomorrow with none tastier than the Rome rematch between Ernie and Fed. Nice to see Ernie follow up his Rome results with a strong run here. Also on tap: Rafa vs. Gael (my knees swelled up at the mere mention of this one), Muzz vs. Daveed (you're toast, Andy), and Douche vs. Nico (two dudes I can't really stand).
Oh, look. Funny Gael pictures. Welcome back, Gumby.
Rafa came through an oddly tricky match against a dude who looked like Sveta's older sister, and Muzzard started his Madrid campaign by not losing. So happy times for all!
“When England play in the World Cup and concede a goal, I’m not jumping up in front of the TV because I’m happy they are losing. If one of my English friends is watching and England score, he’ll be on his feet yelling and screaming and, though I’m happy, it’s not the same sort of passion. If England lost, my friends will be deflated and disappointed and I will be, too. But I’m not cheering whoever England’s opponents are. That’s absolute ****.”
-- MAndy, on whether he'll be rooting against England in the World Cup.
So there it is. Pics of Muzzard with his Queens trophy at a tournament announcement. Incidentally, you should read this post over at Mind The Racket on A-Rod's mild complaining about the lack of grass tournaments and the pithy prize money offered at the ones that do exist.
I don't know, Andy. It might be time to dust off the lawnmower.
62 61 to Kohlschreiber.
I get that no one likes Muzzard except for me, a small handful of enlightened folk around the globe, and Brits for two weeks out of the year. But you can't hate on his mom, Judy, if for no other reason than that she might possibly be the *best* tennis blogger out there.
Some gems from her recent blogs in Monte Carlo:
I joined the accreditation queue behind a bevy of Spaniards. Yes I do mean to use the word bevy as it included ‘Deliciano’ Lopez and Fernando Verdasco. Not the worst queue I've ever been in. It took about ten minutes more than it should have because the girls behind the accreditation desk loved the view. I wasn't complaining either.
...
I came down in the lift with Papa Verdasco and Marin Cilic. Both huge guys but in different ways, if you know what I mean. And get this - the lifts have seats. How posh is that?
...
Meanwhile, back to the MCCC. The dining tables were out on the terrace above centre court (they weren't there on Sunday because rain was forecast) so the great and good of Monaco were out in force and clattering and chattering their way through lunch during the Deliciano-Birdman match. I mean Lopez-Berdych. Easy win for Birdman. Lopez looking good but couldn't say the same for his tennis.
...
So the boys managed to get the win over Cermak-Mertinak who finished last year at 5 in the world I think. Now they face the Bryans! Should be fun. Hope they don't try any of that chest bumping because Ross could be world No.1 at sweating and he's always soaking wet! Gross.
...
I went back to the hotel to swim again and Andy went off to do press, hoping that he would be allowed to focus on the clay season and not on the
Davis Cup captain announcement.David Nalbandian was in the pool with a very natty pair of bright orange shorts. But then Treacle (Matt Little) and Miles appeared - straight into the jacuzzi. Major water displacement. Time for a sharp exit.
I will forever kick myself for not coming up with "Deliciano". I shake my fist at you, Awesome Judy Murray!
Thanks to gauloises at New Balls, Please for reminding me about the blog. It doesn't have an RSS feed so I forget to check it.
And I think that designated person should be me.
I can't even look at you right now.
Oh, Richie. There's always something to laugh at.
Muzz and Ross hit the clay.
*whispers* Ross knows it's not Wimbledon, right?
By the way, lookin' good, kid. That accidental bouffant suits you.
Monte Carlo Player's Party. Always a classy affair.
Oh, Rafa. I'm not sure you'll ever look comfy in a suit.
Augh. Jelena is so adorable. How dare you?
Skelator never looked so good.
Mmmm. Nenad. And...Steve Buscemi. Or something.
Oh, look who decided to roll out of bed to join us.
Ass.
But that's...not how.
This Q&A with Muzz over at ESPN gave me hope. For the longest time I thought that Andy was content being the defensive counterpuncher that he is. But it's clear that he knows he needs to play more aggressively, he's just trying to figure out what that means. I like it.
57 57 to Aga, 46 46 to the Skinny Sockless Wonder.
Fifth Slam, my mother fucking ass.
Will update with depressing-ass pictures when I get home.
Puff and a prayer. Get on it.
I'm just happy he didn't Donald Young his hat.
Yup. I'd still hit it.
One of Muzz's favorite bands is N.E.R.D. Shocker.
Though, for serious, how the hell did Miami get them? Or was it just Pharrell and no Chad? And why is Pharrell looking all sketch these days? WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS???
Like death and taxes, you can always count on Aga to dress up as a hooker in Miami.
So I've never been to Miami. All I know about it is what I see on TV or in movies. Oh, and the Will Smith song that I will not quote for yet *another* year in reference to this tournament. But from what I can gather from my extensive pop culture learnings, it seems pretty fucking cheesy.
These Miami Player Party pictures do not help dispel this notion.
I mean, WHAT THE FUCK is Caro wearing? She makes Aga look like Coco Chanel here. There are simply no words. You are the #2 female tennis player in the world and *that's* what you show up in? If I didn't know any better I would have just thought she was some belly dancer that was wandering around and Aga drunkenly grabbed her for a picture.
Because you know Aga would.
And this? THIS? I'm sorry but if I am ever asked me again why I don't lust after this guy I will whip this picture out every time. Normally he just looks like he reeks of Paco Rabanne. Now he looks like he reeks of Axe Body Spray, BO, hair product, and GHB. Just...ew.
If you threw this photo up against a wall it would stick.
(*whisper* Cuz it's tacky.)
Oh, was it too warm for your "scarf", Muzz?
Have I mentioned lately how much I hate ING!JJ? Oh, I haven't? BECAUSE I DO.
Let her fly her freak flag, ING. It's pretty much the only reason we care.
"Are you trying to be down, down, down, down, down on women's tennis?"
Thank you, Venus for looking awesome. I'm going to end this post/rant on a high note.
Ross.
Miles.
Salt and Pepper Alex.
It's been a pleasure, gentlemen. A pleasure.
Um...A-Rod and I share the same clothes and shoes. This is...awkward.
Oh, are we wearing tapered pants now? Guess I should read my stacks of InStyle.
I love how Kim always look like she just took a major bong rip. She's so boho.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen. He's an idiot.
Sisters!
Uh...Dani wins.
Who invited Keith Urban?
So, I never have dreams. I mean, I *have* dreams, like aspirations and whatnot, but I don't dream while I sleep. Or, at least, I don't recall them when I wake up.
But last night I totally had this dream about Muzzard that basically involved us getting into arguments, screaming at each other, walking away from each other, following each other, arguing some more, and then somehow, after 5-6 of these episodes, reaching a quiet detente in the back of a London taxi. And no, that "detente" is not a euphemism. We literally were too tired to continue arguing.
And then I wake up and see that he lost to Janko. Weird, is all I'm saying.
But enough about Muzz. Here, without further ado, is some love for Janko. Because there haven't been very many opportunities this year:
Well that was the shakiest 62 63 opening round win I've ever seen. It took Muzzard an hour and and 41 minutes to beat Consumption, with the second game of the match taking 25 minutes to complete. This was his first match since Australia. Let's hope it get's slightly more workmanlike going forward.
Nole had a bit of match as well, leading a set and 5-0 up before Garcia-Lopez reeled off four straight games. Nole would get hit focus back and break for the set to win 64 64. He describe the win as "sweaty." Which...
I'm sorry, what was I saying? I lost my train of thought.
You don't know where that koala's been.
You did that for two and a half hours, Andy. You can stop now. Match is over.
Sweet.
The dominatrix look is actually apropos.
Seriously, these guys come up with moves that make Bel Ami blush.
Sadness, Part I.
Sadness, Part II.
Heh.
Sweet. Where's Mama?
I think it's adorable that Muzz gave Fed's a head's up that he was going to cry.
"Is she gay? Please God I hope she's not gay."
That flag is a lot heavier than you think.
Aw. Na Li is a Muzz fan!
"ZOMG, I WON!!! ZOMG, I GOTTA PEE!!!"
Scratching it will totally help, Justine. Just keep doing that.
Serena's ode to Rafa.
It's not a Heisman, Fed. Though, you'd probably win that too.
Asshole.
Video of Muzz's choked up "pathetic excuse for a tennis player" speech here.
British self-deprecation at its finest.
I just feel so much for Muzz. He has the weight of a nation on his shoulders.
And it's already started. He's 22!
63 64 76(11)
What to say, really, other than the fact that Roger was simply better in all aspects today. I prayed and hoped that Andy would come out with the aggressive, attacking game that he showed Rafa. Alas, we saw counterpunching Muzz. I guess he didn't learn the first time that you can't counterpunch Roger in a Slam. Hopefully he learns his lesson for the next time. Because, oh yes, there will be many many "next times".
This is not to say that Andy didn't haven't his chances. He had some chances to break in the first but Fed's serve was clutch today, getting him out of a lot of jams. Andy disappeared a bit in the second set but the third set was drama-filled. Andy actually served for it at 5-3 but he couldn't do it. He held on to force an awesomely tense tie-break that Fed won 13-11. Andy had 5 set points that he just couldn't convert. Bottom line, he just couldn't step up and take it when he needed to. I hate to say it, but he choked on a small handful of points that could have secured him the set. And I don't mean that as a slight to Fed. It's not like Fed won those points because Andy choked. He won them because he *didn't* choke. So, you know, congratulations and fuck you for that.
But what I will take away from this match is the hope that the Muzzard gained a few fans during this fortnight. If he didn't do it through his pretty spectacular play throughout these two weeks, he surely gained a few in his surprisngly heartfelt and emotional "loser" speech. The dude cried. Not blubbered. Just shed a few tears when he talked about being thankful for the support he's received. More importantly to me, he seemed to get really choked up when he started apologizing to the "people back home" for not being able to secure the title.
Then he threw down this gem:
"I can cry like Roger - it's just a shame I can't play like him."
It was a tremendously humanizing moment for Andy. A reluctant and very public acknowledgment that he *does* want to do this for Britain. That he feels the pressure to do this for the country. I always got the sense that Andy walled that off, that he didn't care really whether Britain had a drought or not. He was just doing this for him and his team. Clearly that's not the case and it makes his story a bit more tragic.
This article is hilarious. For all the right and wrong reasons:
Tennis is the only sport that is really all about sex. There is nothing new or controversial in this. As a popular sport tennis has its roots in hair-oiled country house flirtation, its rhythms perfectly suited to the honeyed repartee of romantic pursuit. You can tell it's all about sex because the English spend most of Wimbledon tittering and giggling. Plus it's the only professional sport where men's and women's competitions are unquestioningly bonded at the hip. A solely male grand slam would be deathly and, like an unrelentingly men-only Friday night in the pub, oddly pointless.
For Murray, this conjoinedness has expressed itself most recently in his winching into place alongside Laura Robson as a furnished and burnished and excessively giggly boy-girl public relations figurehead for the labouring juggernaut of British tennis. It has become standard at this point to say that Robson is "good for" Murray, a scenario that paints Murray as a seductively stifled all-court Mr Darcy, raw with unrelieved tension. There is something vaguely Jane Austen-ish about the pair of them together, jousting their way through another press conference, the courtly Mr Murray suddenly boyish beside free-spirited Ms Robson. And let's just say it right now. If you don't, on some level, want to see Murray and Robson one day get married and live in a big house in the country where they keep horses, then you're barely human.
Although, if this were ever going to work as an Austen-style narrative Murray would have to unsmilingly evade Robson's initial earnest advances, causing her to veer off tearfully and become infatuated with some mustachioed brute, perhaps the Bosnian world No 33, who would then string her along in dishonourable fashion while a narrow-eyed Murray hoovered up grand slams – but never, crucially, Wimbledon – before seeing the folly of his haughty ways, rescuing her from the brute, winning in SW19 after learning to love again/express his truest feelings and maybe appearing on celebrity Mr and Mrs with Vernon Kay.
Look, I get it. Not many people like the kid. But for one day, you should put that aside and actively root for him. And if you won't do it for me, your loyal blogger who has stayed up until 7am to bring you the funnies, then you should do it for the following ten reasons:
1. Because if Muzz wins a Slam the British press WILL FINALLY SHUT UP about their stupid-ass drought.
2. Because he's ugly as fuck. I mean, seriously, he looks like a weasel with a bad toupee who's been hit in the mouth with a hockey puck. You can't hate on ugly people. It's not cool. Besides, ugly need love, too.
3. Because this sign exists.
4. Because according to Roger, this means more to Andy than it does to him. Shit, if Roger doesn't want it, why should we root for him to have it?
5. Because with Rafa out for four weeks, Nole puking all over the place, and Elf limp-wristed, we need someone to prevent the Fed cakewalk.
6. Because Muzzard still owes L-Rob a diamond and he clearly is trying to save up the money to do it. A winner's check would go a long way.
7. Because if Fed loses he won't cry. Not this time. Instead he'll stand there and seethe and pout like a little boy who didn't get what he wanted for Christmas as Muzzard raises the trophy. You know, like the classy sportsman that he is. And really, wouldn't that be more entertaining?
8. Because this guy is a Fed fan.
9. Because his Mama, who raised two boys as a single mom, is awesome. And any cuteness that he has (which ain't much) clearly comes from her gene pool. I think it's adorable that he looks like her.
10. Because Jesus Christ! He has 15 fucking Slams already. What joy could you possibly gain from seeing him win one more. I mean, did I mention this guy?
Come on, y'all. For all the nerdy, awkward, shy, socially retarded kids in the world who get their one chance at glory against the smug, rich, nice head of hair'd assholes, root for Muzz. It'll make you a better person.
62 63 62 in 1 hour 28 minutes. But don't let the scoreline fool you. It wasn't even that close.
Honestly, I'm not gonna spend more time or energy in crafting this post than Jo did in that match. Fed was en fuego, Jo was dumb (drop shots, dude?), couldn't find the court, and possibly a bit injured. It was a sad semifinal performance. The kid just couldn't even muster up the energy to care.
I'm over it. On to the final that I've been waiting two weeks for: Muzz vs. Fed. Based on form and experience, I definitely give Fed the edge. He's looking awfully comfortable out there and I still think his offense is better than Muzz's defense. That said, I won't be shocked if Andy wins. But I'll be surprised. And ELATED.
"That was fun! I want to go again!"
Game face.
"Hey Justine! Can you sign my essay?"
The smile that lifted a thousand spirits.
This Mama don't sleep through matches.
Hah. Too easy.
Suck my kiss.
You all know Lily's a "Chinese" fan.
It's ok, Jo. It was just a tummy ache. He'll be ok.
Whee!
Aw, don't be like that, Marin.
MUZZAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Marin started strong in the first set, but as the match progressed those 18 hours on court started to get to him and Andy stepped it up. It definitely wasn't the show of dominance that he showed against Rafa, but it was a fairly straightforward Muzzard-like win. This was Muzz's third Slam semifinal appearance and will be his second Slam final.
I haz a happee.
These pictures kill me. And I can hear in my head is this.
The hand on the waist, pulling him closer...
You just sense Muzz wanted to give him a squeeze.
"You khit to the bakhand, much spin, ok?"
"You play with much colm, no?"
Andy moved to tears.
Bros don't shake hands, bros gotta hug.
Q. When you talk with your team after a win like tonight, do you smile more? Do you have a voice which sounds more happy than now? Now you talk almost like you lost.
ANDY MURRAY: Have you ever sat in this seat before? I mean, last year I played 80 odd matches and we do a press conference after every single match. We do one before every tournament. More for other bits and pieces.
Q. It's very boring.
ANDY MURRAY: Well, I don't know (smiling). You just get used to doing it. I don't get excited about doing them anymore.
THE MODERATOR: That's lucky because this one's over.
FAAAAAAAACK.
First things first. This was a great match. It was exactly what we hoped it would be. For proof, go watch the first set. Yes, Muzz won it 63, but it was so not a 63 set. Amazing and ridiculous shot-making and court coverage. Both players were playing well.
The shocker: Andy came out and actually hit. He wasn't puff balling and carving the ball. He was being offensive. He was cracking the ball, serving big, and coming to the net when he could. It was the perfect game plan against Rafa. Shoot out of the blocks and take it to him and force him to go bigger than he might have wanted. Threaten him with your hitting and court coverage so that he guns for the lines and misses. People will point to Muzz's big serving as being the difference, or Rafa's backhand, which wasn't on song. But it was the Murray game plan that won tonight. Gone was boring Muzz, who just sits at the back of the court and waits for mistakes. This was Muzzard 2.0. And it was beautiful.
On top of the game plan, it was Andy's focus that allowed him to withstand the Rafa charge. Rafa broke early in the first set, only to have Andy break him right back. In the second set, same thing. After the 10 minute fireworks break, Andy came out to serve and was broken. But he would come out in the next game and break right back. Once they got to the tiebreaker, Andy's big serve and the pressure on Rafa to come up with winners allowed Muzz to put it away pretty easily. I was cautiously happy. I mean, I'm a Rafa fan. I know never to give up on the guy.
Then, in the middle of Rafa's serve at 0-1, Rafa took an MTO to check out his knee. It seems that he tweaked it at some point during that game. He looked concerned. He would come back out and get broken, Andy served out his game, and Rafa pulled the ripchord.
I don't think it needs to be said that this is worrisome. Rafa claimed he was 100% coming in and he didn't show any signs of pain in his knees. Hopefully this is just an acute injury and has nothing to do with his tendinitis. But with the loss, Rafa will drop to #3.
But I feel very confident saying that injury aside, Muzz won this match. He absolutely took it to Rafa and outplayed him. As a Murray fan, it was vindication. The kid knows tennis, he came up with his game plan, and he executed it to perfection. For two sets, it was awesome. He'll get the chance to exact revenge on Marin, who bounced him at the USO. If he can do what he did tonight in the next two rounds, he's going to be very tough to beat.
Q. You sound a bit like Sean Connery.
Rafa won! Hooray!
Guys like MaKiri? Weird.
Well done, photog.
G'day, you hot hunkin' piece of mate!
Stupida testa.
And then the seas parted...for Justine.
(stole that from Brodie)
Forrest Gump is in the draw? Ruh roh.
Pardon me, Florence, but why is your shirt on?
Because this is sexy to someone out there. And who am I to judge?
You go, girl. But what's with the leg?
Who?
Ah, him. You know, the pastiest guys in the top 10 are having the easiest go so far.
Muzz and Kolya are cruising.
Not exactly the elegant Mr. Federer.
Pleated shorts: Ur doin it rong.
[FacePalm]
"Illusions, Dad. Tricks are things whores do for money."
Focus on the tennis, Dina. The bodybuilding career will always be there.
Ah yes. The patented Joey Tribiani "Smell the Fart" acting method.
I wish WTA players could take Hugging Time Outs.
I could name a number of players who would benefit greatly from HTOs.
Oh, John. No.
It's official: Nothing good comes from Asian people being on court.
It was Robbie's 16th birthday yesterday and she hosted herself a little dinner party. And yes, the Muzzard was invited.
"He's really lovely, we get on quite well, even though we're usually mean to each other all the time," said Robson, who was born in Melbourne. "He said 'happy birthday' to me this morning. It's a dinner, not a party. It's very elegant, that's how I roll."
Also how she roll's? Digging on older men.
So...be careful Andy. Even though, as we all know, you loooooove brunettes:
Apparently, according to Caro's twitter, his birthday present to Laura may have been a handbag. The idea of Andy Murray wandering the shops in Melbourne shopping for a handbag for Laura Robson has left me in fits.
Last time I checked, a handbag ain't a diamond, Andy. You still owe her a diamond.
What's under your platter there, dude? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Down boy. Keep "playing that Playstation."
(Though on the serious, if it weren't absolutely disgustingly repulsive, I'd totally be on board with this pairing. But it is. So I'm not. He's mine. At least for two more years.)
You're cute.
Not a shabby tournament for the Red Coats so far. Yes, Katie O'Brien experienced a beatdown at the hands of JJ (I doubt she'll be hoping to play JJ ever again), but props to Elena Baltacha, who took out K-Bond 62 75 to make the third round. Unfortunately she'll run into the svelte tank that is Dina in the next round.
And my boyfriend destroyed Marc Giquel. So I'm happy.
I played around with the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator.
That was fun. I'm totally using Juice Springsteen from now on.
And so the Slam season begins under a cloud of showers, upsets, and...well, a third thing that would appropriately complete that sentence.
Also she looks great, so...sure, why not?
Aw, what a cute ball boy.
I'm not looking forward to watching Justine matches in HD.
The sores. My GOD the sores.
"Hey, you."
Oh, Chakky. Why do the tennis gods hate you so much?
Well that would explain why you look like idiots.*
No no no, Sveta. The exo is over. Please start playing actual matches.
Halt. Hammerzeit.
Wait...which one is nicknamed "Elf"?
Mmmmmovingrightalong.
Heh. Never gets old.
Even seagulls like a good magic show.
Awes.
Only someone on PED could jump that high.
Kidding.
GO AWAY.
