Forty Deuce

You Might Hate Me But It Ain't No Lie...

Bye, bye, bye.

So yeah.  Basically, if you've ever won a Grand Slam and your name doesn't rhyme with "Movak" or "Terena", Canada wants absolutely nothing to do with you.  They're all about equality and parity and shit, and basically they would like to treat their prize money like welfare.  Um, that's fine?  I guess?  Not really. 

It's almost (I'm being nice by using "almost" here) comical how ridiculous Toronto and Montreal have been this week.  Andy Murray, being the amazing trendsetter that he is, kicked it off by losing rather pathetically on Monday, and he's been holding the door for everyone else since.  Caroline, Kim, Vera, Petra, Frank, Masha, Rafa, Roger, Ana, JJ, Delpo, blah blah blah.  All gone before you could say "poutine" (you should never say "poutine" because (a) it sounds dirty and (b) it is gross sorry). 

Meanwhile, there have been lightbulbs falling from the sky, power outages that oddly, don't stop play but require Lynn Welch to scream and go horse (not cool!), Windows 95 failures (at least upgrade to XP, you guys), rain delays, crazy wind, and basically everything described in the book of Revelation except locusts.  It's only a matter of time though.  Locusts fucking love poutine.  Look it up.  It's science.

And so, tennis fans took to Twitter to vent their frustrations.  We did it the only way we knew how:  Laughing through the tears.

After the jump, my favorite #newrogerscupslogans.  All credit to @linzsports, who kicked off the fun.

Buckle Up, Nigel. This Happens.

Praying ain't gonna help, Foxy.  Trust me, I've tried.

Another week, another disappointing loss.  It happens.  Sure, kick the kid while she's down.  Crack the jokes, have a giggle, revel in the fact that the pretty girl sucks at tennis.  I still believe in the kid.  I really do.  There's just too much talent there, she works so damn hard, and she cares so fricking much (too much? Perhaps).  I refuse to believe that we live in a world where that doesn't get rewarded down the road, one way or another.

Or maybe she's already been rewarded for it, winning a Slam and reaching #1 at such an early age, and the rest of her career is some form of penance.  Hell, if that's the case, I'm totally fine with it.  Why should it be that Fran or Nails get such accolades for being "late bloomers" when an argument could be made that they were underachievers for most of their career, whereas Ana, who achieved great success early, gets tagged with a "you suck at the tennis" label just because she's in a three-year slump?  I don't know.  I just kinda don't get it.  It's the curse of expectation, I suppose.  Still, that hardly seems fair.

Anyway, despite serving for the second set against Morita and leading 30-0, Ana found a way to choke away the game and the match, losing 62 75.  I thought Morita played really really well, so all credit to her.  That Fed Cup win by Japan last month may have bolstered her confidence.  As for Ana, she said afterwards that she's only been swinging a racquet for a week before Stanford, opting to take a 10-day break with her family to Mallorca, two weeks of fitness training with Scott, and then one week of tennis before heading to Stanford.  If one were to look for explanations for her poor form today, one might point to the rust inherent in her post-Wimbledon break. 

She was surprisingly chipper afterwards, clearly believing that her road back with this new team will be a long one.  Patience, both in her game and her fitness, seems to be the her mantra.  Having sat through quite a few Ana pressers this year, it all really makes sense: the kid doesn't have a whole lot of faith in her fitness, which translates to insecurity about her game, and those doubts cause her to overthink, and splat.

So without further ado, some Ana quotes:

"Definitely not at the level I expected to perform, but still there were a few positive things.  I just started with a new team for about a week now, so it takes time for some things to come in place.  Obviously nerves played a little bit a part, you know, trying to impress a new coach but that's just normal.  It's still a little bit disappointing with the loss and couldn't get a chance to get into the tournament.  But there's lots of positive things that I did out there.  I served well.  Trying to work on a few things and put it together.  But I just wanted to get out there and play a match.  Maybe a few more weeks of practice will be good to get more confidence in certain shots and patterns, but it's good to be out there competing and practicing in a pressure situation."

"We spoke a lot about about the few things that we are working on.  [Nigel] said 'When you're competing when you go out there I want you to trust your instincts and what you're going to do out there.'   But I still try to think too much about technical stuff.  But it's just a matter of practicing and doing it over and over again until it becomes automatic, basically.  It's a process.  It's only been a week, actually, that we've been working together.  It just takes time."

"I know there are a few tournaments coming up that I have to defend a lot of points.  But for me now, until the end of the year basically, it's more about getting that work done, that consistency, getting that base built up again, getting comfortable with my game again, getting that consistent level.  It's not so much about -- of course I would love to see the results straight away and win tournaments again, but sometimes that's not how you go and it takes time for certain things to get into place.  But like I said, I feel very comfortable and I really trust this team I have now around me.  I know good things will happen, it's just a matter of time."

She even cracked a joke:

"I mean you can't tell because I've been in England for a week, but I did have a really good tan [from vacation]."

I still believe in you, dude.  See you and your pale skin in San Diego!

(Pics: San Diego)

 

Practice Makes Perfect.

A view of the practice courts this morning at the Bank of the West Classic. Gorgeous day and chicks who hit the ball really really hard. Well, and Maria Kirilenko.

Would you like to see the 2008 Australian Open finalists hitting side-by-side? OKAY.



And one nice thing about Stanford: You get rill rill close, whether you like it or not.

I wuff this tournament.

Excite@Home.com*

The WTA has rolled out some new signage incorporating the Strong is Beautiful portraits at The Bank of the West and needless to say, I love it.

Hope to see the campaign around all the summer events.

*Sorry.  Silicon Valley joke.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Scott Byrnes, M.D.

Welcome back, Scotty.  Tough life, tough life.

But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO HER???

 

Yes, obviously I am very concerned about the amount of work he's doing on the right side of her upper body.  Shoulder issues?  Already?  We still have a long season ahead of us.

BUT I AM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT WHY HE'S GIVING HER A PUBLIC MAMMOGRAM:

THAT IS WHAT SHOWERS ARE FOR, ANA!

I mean...I didn't even think there was any mammo to gram but leave it to Scotty to find a way.

But, you know, be safe, ladies. #PSA

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: Is That Your Fist In My Face, Or Are You Not Happy To See Me?

I'm baaaaaaack.

Well now you're just making this awkward.

Sorry.  Jesus.  And here I thought you guys liked me. 

Looking forward to spending the week at one of my favorite tournaments, The Bank of the West Classic in Stanford.  Main draw play starts tomorrow.  Here's the OOP.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Behave Badly? You? Naaaaaaaaaah.

"When I rock the mic I rock the mic right."

In what turned out to be a really great event that's right up my alley (Ana + Independent Bookstore + Q&A Session = Yay), Ana showed up to Kepler's Books in Menlo Park to hear a book reading from Inch and Miles and do a short Q&A session afterwards about her definition of success, her family, and the pressures of being a tennis player.  The event was packed out with both adults and kids to the point that Kepler's actually ran out of books.  Heartening.

Here's video of her Q&A.  Sorry it got shaky.  I got a little cocky and tried to take video AND a pic on my BB.  Multitasking multimedia, baby.  I ain't good at it.

"Giving your best every day is all you can ask of yourself, and eventually it will bring out the best in you and your potential."  Good stuff for kids to hear.  Coach Wooden would be proud.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Air Quotes: Belated Wimbly Edition #1

Q. We have a new star at Wimbledon in Li Na who, like you, holds the hopes of an entire nation on her shoulders, albeit a larger nation. Do you have any words of advice for her?

ANDY MURRAY: Well, she's won a slam, so I should be the one asking her for the advice (smiling).

....

Caroline Wozniacki: I think it was 60 million people watching [the Roland Garros final] in China.

Q. 116.

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Well, close (laughter).

...

Q. You're looking forward to coming back to Wimbledon twice in a year?

RAFAEL NADAL: For sure, yes. I hope so, if I qualify (smiling). If not, wild card (laughter).

....

Q. At 7:00 a.m.?
ANDY MURRAY: Well, that's the thing. You have to give one hour every day where they can come. And because the last that you're ever thinking about when you wake up in the morning is that someone is going to come and drug test you. You put it at 7:00 in the morning because I know I'm going to be in bed. It's just a bit annoying because it was my day off and I was looking for a lie in. And then 7:00, it's like...

Q. So were you asleep at the time?
ANDY MURRAY: Yeah. I was fast asleep. But the thing is, as soon as the bell like from the house went, I sort of like woke up. Took like 10 seconds. Looked at my clock and it was bang on 7:00. It was like, I knew it was them. He rung the bell like six times, as well. It was like... (Laughter.)

Q. It's a bit harsh, isn't it? Surely you can't be happy about that many tests, or is that quite normal?
ANDY MURRAY: Normally around this time of year it's pretty normal at most of the big tournaments. I get tested here when the tournament's done. I'm sure the French Open always tests. And then because I'm at home, they always come right before Wimbledon, and then probably at Davis Cup, as well. Normally at Davis Cup we'll get tested, too. So it's a lot of testing, but just part of our job, unfortunately.

Q. Did you make them a cup of tea when they arrived?
ANDY MURRAY: My Mum did, yeah, which we shouldn't make them cups of tea. You know, it's just very intrusive when you get someone sort of in your house in the morning. When you're going to the toilet and they're staring at you, it's a bit... you know, in your own home, it's just quite strange feeling. (Laughter.)

Q. Are you sure they're drug testers?
ANDY MURRAY: You hope so. I've actually spoken with a few of the players about that in the past that, you know, they could easily... because it's not like we ever check. I don't really check, you know, whatever they're saying.

Q. They don't have a card saying...
ANDY MURRAY: They do, yeah. They do have the card, but I don't know. I mean, you're not going to know if it's real or not, are you?

...

Q. For sports fans back home, how would you explain or describe the level of attention or scrutiny Andy Murray is under here these two weeks, and Tim Henman before him?

ANDY RODDICK: Sure. You know, I've been front and center as far as tennis in my own country for a long time. I don't think it compares to what those guys go through here. I don't feel like I can relate.

You know, he gets the full rundown of he practiced for 36 minutes, then he ate a Snickers bar and then continued for another 14 minutes, and then it's like and that's on page four. We already read the first three pages of the day. You know, it's a little tough (laughter).

...

Q. You've been here a long time now. At one point you were the bad guy upsetting Tim Henman.

ANDY RODDICK: Actually, I never played Tim Henman here. But I'm still the bad guy. Point taken, but... (Laughter.)

Q. You got good support today.

ANDY RODDICK: It felt great. They've always been great to me, even when I was fake beating Tim Henman (smiling).

...

Q. Is it kind of surprising that Roger Federer hasn't really had any kind of injury to take him out?

ANDY RODDICK: Not really. He doesn't even look like he's trying when he plays, so how you gonna get hurt (smiling)?

...

Q. Did you see or hear about Serena's tears on court and can you understand the emotion of a first big win after an illness?

ELENA BALTACHA: I actually saw it. I was sitting watching the match. And do you know what? It was so nice to see her not that it was nice to see her break down; I don't mean it like that. Because I really idolize Serena, to see everything that she's been through, for her to come back here and just let that emotion come out, uhm, you know, because I think a lot of people think we're like machines in a way. Just to see that side of her, because she's a very strong personality, very dominant. And to see her kind of break down, it just shows what it actually means to her to be on court again with everything she's been through.

And you've really got to admire that. You really have to admire that. I really felt for her. It actually brought a tear to my eye. I thought, You've got to snap out of it because you've got a match. But, no, it was lovely to see that.

...

Q. She seemed to run you back and forth a little bit.

NA LI: Yeah, I know. I hate that, you know. (Smiling.) I like it standing.

...

Q. The Wimbledon homepage did an online survey yesterday who was the best looking male player who played Wimbledon in history. Who would have gotten your vote?

VENUS WILLIAMS: Usually I've never liked any of my colleagues. I try to keep it professional, hence no tennis relationships. So it's probably for the best for me to stay out of this. I usually like winners, though (smiling). So anyone winning is pretty cute to me.

...

Q. If your injury hasn't happened before, are you now thinking, Why me? Of all the times for it to suddenly come about. Are you feeling a bit, Why me, at the moment?

HEATHER WATSON: It's exactly how I'm feeling. Could have been another tournament. Why this one?

...

Q. At the beginning we heard you say, Oh, don't worry, I'm going to take it off. I'm not going to play with it. Do you think there were people that were actually worried you would play with that jacket on?

BETHANIE MATTEK SANDS: Oh, I don't know. Pam, one of the WTA supervisors, has probably seen a lot of my crazy outfits, so she had a look of worry on her face.

...

Q. Would you be happy to see Scottish players in this British Olympic team, the football team, that's been talked about?

ANDY MURRAY: I don't want to get into any of that political stuff. I've been involved in the Olympics, played under Great Britain, and it was an unbelievable experience. I loved it. It's not for me to decide. It's up to the Federations, that they can decide.

Certainly not getting drawn into any political stuff around this time of year, because we know what happens with that (smiling).

...

Q. No real form coming in here, no coach. What on earth has happened to you?

LAURA ROBSON: You make it sound like I was playing really bad (laughter).

...

Q. Is that mostly in terms of is tennis dying, a country club sport?

ANDY RODDICK: Listen. Here is what we're going to do. If you want to talk about an, Is tennis dying article, let's go by participation numbers, retail numbers, prize money, up, up, up, up, up. I hear this, Tennis is dying. Maybe it's water cooler talk. But I'll put more stock in the business of tennis in our country growing as opposed to having fun conversations around a water cooler.

Q. Why do you think it is that people refuse to accept the stats? The Wall Street Journal printed some stats which said that tennis over the past nine years is the only sport to increase participation in America.

ANDY RODDICK: This kind of gets to my first point. You can just say something and people read it as fact, but it's not researched. If you look at racquet sales, USTA memberships, across the board, it's been up. Do we have four guys in the top five in the world? No, we don't. That's about the only difference. That doesn't mean that tennis is dying. It's an international sport. I feel like a lot of times people refuse to accept that back home, which is unfortunate. It's as international a sport as there is as far as popularity. I feel like it doesn't get its maybe fair shake.

Q. 720,000 people at the US Open.

ANDY RODDICK: Listen, I can sit here and I can have two pages full of pros, the water cooler conversation as a con. So I like to deal in facts, and the facts say the whole dying thing, it's not accurate.

...

Q. So what are you bench pressing?

ANA IVANOVIC: I haven't gone that far yet. I'm still with rubber bands (laughter).

(Source: Wimbledon Website)

Of Silver Foxes and Mandals.

That's Nigel Sears.  Up until about two weeks ago he was head coach of women's tennis at the LTA.  Prior to that he had coached Dani to a Top 5 ranking.  Now he's Ana's new coach.  Yup, kid batted her eyelashes and hired Nigel away from the LTA.  My guess is that he was kinda ok leaving anyway, but there is much to be said about being the guy who helps Ana rediscover her form.  I would love to hear the names of the other folks who threw their hats into the ring for the gig.

Oh, did I mention that Nigel is Kim's dad?  Yeah, here's hoping part of the contract requires Kim to take Ana on some London shopping sprees and teach her that she can in fact wear her hair in non-Pocahontasy styles.  That alone would be worth his salary.

We'll see how it goes.  He seems fairly well-respected as a tennis coach.  But he also seems a bit dick.  He's been known to be quite demanding and blunt with both players and press, two things that, if handled poorly, aren't entiiiiiiirely valued in the Ivanovic camp.  He publicly criticised Dani's attitude in 2003 and he's been known to not exactly mince words when it came to discussing player fitness.  So...fingers crossed that he doesn't leave Ana in a sobbing heap.  At least not consistently.

In addition to bringing on Nigel, Scott "Check Out My Mandals" Byrnes will be rejoining the team.  I love this move.  Ana was the perfect level of fitness under Scott (2007/2008) and he probably knows her body better than anyone else. 

And no that was not meant to be dirty in any way, shape, or form.

Anywho, welcome to hell, Nigel and Byrnesy.  Let's turn this boat around, shall we?

(Pic: Getty)

My Two Pence.

Yeah yeah yeah.  It's late and no one cares about the Wimby player party anymore.  BUT I HAVE THINGS TO SAY.  So here we go.

Not digging the hair, but the dress is colorful, young, and fun.  It kind of makes me want a strawberry daiquiri.  Or a Jamba Juice.  It is also just begging for a nip-slip.  No word on whether that happened but if it didn't I would very much like to know the name of the fashion-tape manufacturer.  I have a roof that needs to be reshingled to withstand gale force winds.

Sometimes people get scared of fashion.  Like, they find it to be this weird place with weird people with weird vocab who make things that look pretty fucking weird and yet the world jizzes itself upon their unveiling and it makes you feel dumb cuz you don't get it.  So people (like how I'm using anonymous "people" to make my argument? Stay with me.), being scared because they don't want to sound like a doof, basically excuse anything that looks nutty as "avant garde" which, apparently, automatically means it's amazing and good. 

I mean, it's bullshit is what I'm saying.

Fashion, like any creative art, is obviously very subjective.  But it's not *completely* subjective.  I don't fucking care that Bethanie is awesome or that this was designed by Gaga's designer.  THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES FOR CRAP.  I mean, first of all, LITERAL MUCH???  Oh, you came dressed like a tennis ball because you are a tennis player who hits tennis balls about to play at a tennis tournament and this party has lots of tennis people who are also going to hit tennis balls at this tennis tournament and everyone loves tennis and oh yeah tennis.  This is *literally* literal. 

Second, aside and apart from the concept, let's go to construction.  Did Alex Noble sit in his minimalist industrial loft in Hell's Kitchen with a can of tennis balls, an exacto knife, and a glue gun?  The skirt is fine and whatever, I guess, but that whole tennis ball bustier fringe action is horrible.  I can totally see Nina Garcia giving crazy stinkface as this goes down the judging runway.  Auf Wiedersehen!

Last, concept and construction down, it just looks bad.  People can talk about how they admire Bethanie for having the courage to wear it and that the courage itself should win the day.  But dudes, I think it's really courageous for someone to walk around naked in a public space.  Doesn't mean that I also don't think "Dude, have some self-respect.  Stop trying so hard to attract attention.  It's pathetic.  Put some clothes on."

Ok, so it's Caro, right?  So we totally know it could be worse.  The fact that Stella didn't tack on a ruffle or 3000 to this thing is a victory.  From this angle the dress looks nice.  I actually quite like it.  It drapes beautifully and I'm a sucker for that shit.  But from the front it looks completely wonk.  The waistline is all crooked and I can't tell if it's a Stella affectation or Woz is wearing it wrong.

As for the hair, look.  I'm struggling to be nice here, really.  But let's just say that Woz has a certain facial feature that is only highlighted when you put her hair up like that.  Let it down, let it loose, and I think she could have really rocked this look. 

Upshot:  Lots to like, lots to hate, and in the end the look fell short.  Sound familiar?

Dance Me In.

It was short-lived but long in fun.  Ivanorazzi never fails to entertain for no other reason than Ana actually seems relaxed and Petko struts around like the big sister that she totally is and somehow gets Ana to act a fool at the drop of a hat.  Glory.

Here's a photo montage of Ana putting on a shirt.  I know the opposite would be preferable for you boys, but you're going to have to take what you can get.  Don't shoot the messenger.

*snicker*

Mission Accomplished!  WTG!

They played a great first round match that had to go very late to finish but then lost their second rounder to Nads and Rodio.  But since they did win one match we got to see the Ivanorazzi jig.  Not that it didn't take actual physical force from Petko to get Ana out onto the grassy dance floor:

 

Too cute. Hope they team up again in New York.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Revival.

 

It'll be Dani vs. Sabine in the finals of Birmingham on Sunday morning, and really, you have to be chuffed (heh, look at me!) for both of them.  Dani came back from a set down to break the hearts of Ana fans everywhere (and, yeah, Ana herself), to survive and play on.  My choice of "survive" is intentional.  Ana had 20 break point chances and converted...two.  2/20, people.  That, like, takes effort.

"In the second set, I don't know if I can even count the number of break points I had and didn't use, and obviously that was disappointing.  But still I was positive coming out for that third set.  I still believed I could come back and win that third set.  But the last couple games there was not really intensity and I was still in the previous games and I just let my mind go off wander off a bit, and on grass everything happens too fast.  But besides those last couple of games I really felt I created plenty of chances for myself and I feel like I was dominating the match in many cases."

But well done to Dani.  She played a really solid match and, not to sound like a broken record, she's played really fantastic tennis this week.  It's pretty hard to believe how crappy her results were in the first quarter of the season.  She's like a whole new woman this past month.

On the other side of the net is Boom Boom, who is just unbelievably over the moon right now, both in terms of her play and her excitement.  She demolished Peng today, 63 61, and the kid is absolutely savoring every moment of her resurgence.

"I think it's pretty much impossible to put it into words.  It's been such a great week for me.  From the first match on it was a really tough first round and I knew if I could win that one I would be into the grass court season well.  It's just going well.  I just love the grass."

"After the injury, I always enjoyed being on the court, but after the injury I did even more.  I appreciate every minute that I'm on the court with the crowd.  That's what I love that's what I miss so much about being away.  Being on the big courts with the huge crowds, it's just the best moments."

There's lots of questions right now about whether Sabine's even eligible for a Wimbledon wildcard.  They have three cards to give to the ladies and one would think she'd deserve one.  But according to WTA rules she's used up her allotment of wildcards already, which might mean that if she gets offered one for Wimbledon and takes it then she would have to forfeit any points and prize-money she gets in the tournament.  Still working to confirm this info but that seems to be the chatter on Twitter.  I was under the impression that WTA rules don't apply to ITF tournaments, which the Slams are, but seriously, I don't know the rules for shit.

(Pic: Getty)

Get Off My Lawn.

Man, Dani really hates the kids.

A fairly clean take-out of grass-loving American teen Alison Riske today, 62 64. Asked afterwards whether she thought there was more opportunity for the younger WTA set these days:

I don't think so.  I think you've seen that in the last few tournaments and Slams, that there's still a lot of potential for the older players to win the big majors because they have the experience and they've been around much longer.  I think it's much tougher now for the younger ones to break through because the overall level of the field, say Top 50 players, anybody can beat anybody.  So it's much stronger and I think it's much harder for the younger ones to break through.

Deaaaam.  Gramma be cranky.  And it's awesome.

Speaking of awesome, it'll be Dani vs. Ana tomorrow in the semis.  Thankfully for Old Granny Pants, you can't squeak your shoes on grass.  OR CAN YOU???

Dani: "I'm looking forward to that match. I have nothing to lose, no pressure on me. She's the one that's expected to win and I'm just going to try and improve my game again for tomorrow."

Ana: "It's going to be a good test tomorrow.  Daniela's has played extremely well the last couple of months.  We had a tough match at Fed Cup and I noticed improvements in her game already then.  I think she's the favorite, she's been playing really good lately.  So I'm just going to go out there and enjoy it."

When told Dani said she was the favorite, Ana smiled "It's always like that, no?"  HEEEEEEE.

GAME ON, PRETTY GIRLS.

(Pic: Getty)

Ana and Darren Sittin' In a Tree...

Another nice win for Ana today over the dangerous Lucic.  She served really really well and was able to keep holding until Lucic finally blinked, handing over important breaks.  Positive stuff.

Afterwards there was talk of her wrist and her never-ending coaching search:

On the wrist injury that kept her out of doubles:

"Trying to stay on top of it. It's a process. It's basically how I wake up.  Sometimes I feel it, sometimes I don't. It's still something I have to be careful of and just trying to stay on anti-inflammatories and make sure it's ok for my matches.  It was a bit sore yesterday and I thought that if I want to play today then I had to take a precautionary step."

On her coaching search:

"I think it's very hard to find a good match.  You travel with that person and you're all the time on the road.  It's someone who's going to boss you around and going to tell you what to do and you have to accept it and not get angry.  I think it's very hard to find that person, you know?  But yeah, hopefully it exists.

"There are lots of great coaches out there.  I think Darren is a great one and we're lucky to have him on the Adidas team.  I think there are lots of good coaches and experienced ones.  But then again, it's someone who sees your game and the best you can be, you know?  And not every coach works good for every player.

"I'm a person who needs stability and structure.  I love working with Darren.  Like I said, I think he's the best coach, one of the best coaches out there.  But it's just very hard to get him to commit because he has a few weeks a year and even in those few weeks you have to share him with other players.  So it is a little tricky and hard so I'm talking a lot to him and just trying to see how everything works out.

"It has to be mutual understanding and mutual communication, you know?  Because coaches can have their opinion but then again, it's what you feel and how you feel on the court so you have to give a lot of feedback to the coach, so there has to be good communication otherwise it can never work.  Because if the coach has a narrow mind it's just going to explode very soon.  So you need a coach, a strict coach, that's why I said 'bossing around' because it's important it's someone strong.  Because a lot of coaches will tell you 'it's good, it's good' just to keep their job.  But that's not what you want to hear.  You want to hear where your weaknesses are and where you want to improve."

Darn you, Darren!

(Pic: Getty)

Air Quotes: Fire Away.

“It's great to be back on grass. I really enjoyed today's match. First game I had chances and I sort of was feeling like I was passive. I was thinking, 'On grass you have to be aggressive, you have to step in.' And that's what I tried to change and that worked really well. I served great and that really helped.

“I had a few days of practice but you always have to keep [staying low] in mind. Have to keep the glutes firing on the grass and try to keep low. I was a little bit wary of the outside as it was a little bit slippery. But that's just the case, most of the time it is on the grass. Tried to step in when I had the opportunity and yeah, it worked well today.”

-- Ana, after second round win over Tatishvili.

Livin' On The Edge.

She hasn't been emo, per se.  In fact, Ana's been charming as ever in her pressers, talking about books she's reading ("The Passage, by Justin Cronin.  Have you read it?"), whether she'll have a new dance with Petko at Wimby, ("It's in her hands. She's the one making up these dance moves.... Our tactics are very simple. We just gossip on the chair.”), and whether they'll do their Miami-wagers on the hallowed grounds of SW19, (“I don't know, I think we're going to keep it at bay a little because I lost all my money. [laughs]").

But there have been moments, when she's actually talked about her tennis, where things got a bit serious.  I asked her about how she's feeling physically given all the injury struggles this year.  She didn't exactly say "Oh, it's all good.  I'm fine now.":

“It's still a work in process. I'm doing a lot of work on a daily basis and just trying to first of all just get back to a healthy state so I can load it more. Because at the moment it's very fragile.  It's on the edge.  Every time there is some niggles and pains and that's something I want to get rid of so I can actually work hard and get to the level I want to be. I'm just trying to work my way around it and through it and some things just take time. But it's something I'm working hard at.”

And on whether her run at Birmingham (she's into the quarterfinals) gives her confidence for Wimbledon:

“To be honest, after losing in the first round of the last couple of Grand Slams it's hard to set goals for Wimbledon. To actually put myself in a position to play a few more matches and to get that competition going is gonna be huge, you know? You never know what can happen.”

I think I kinda miss delusional Ana.  This one knows too much.

(Pic: Getty)

One Down. Three To Go.

Roland Garros has made me way emo.  More on that in another post.  But basically I'm so ridiculously sure that all my favorites will lose that I can't even muster up a reaction to Ana losing yesterday.  I've gone completely numb.

There was a time when Ana didn't lose first round matches at Slams.  My memory is fuzzy, but if I recall, she had the longest active streak behind Serena or something.  But three years since she won her maiden and only Slam, Ana returned to site of her greatest triumph to complete a most ominous distinction: She's now lost in the first round of all four Slams. 

Do they give you a trophy for that?  A Dundee maybe?  Perhaps some Prozac?

It sucks, obviously. 

Ana said she's struggled with injuries all season.  That we all know.  The Novak-induced broken abdominal in Australia has bothered her throughout the season preventing her from training as she'd like, and then a wrist injury she picked up just last week that forced her to rest before Roland Garros.  Expectations were pretty low for her here, but how do you go from dropping a bagel on someone in the second set to completely falling off the wagon in the third?  That isn't physical.  That's mental.  Which is obviously impacted by the physical.  And around and around we go. 

Around and around in a sea of tears.

(Pic: AP)

Beirut. Like, the City, Not the Drinking Game.

Ana doesn't get drunk.  But she has been to this bar with her brother. 

First?  Adorable that she went to club with her brother.

Second?  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.  Ha.  H.

I Do Not Like Red Eggs and Ham. I Do Not Like Them, JJ I Am.

Had to post these hilarious quotes from JJ and Ana, as translated for me by a buddy.  They're talking about the Orthodox tradition of dying eggs and then kids go one-on-one, knocking their eggs together with the one coming out uncracked being the winner.

How have you been in beating others with eggs, remember any particular victories?

Jelena: Before I start, I always try to pick a smaller or a harder egg from the basket, and to cheat a little when it comes to that. I remember even that I took some wooden eggs, "planted" them as ordinary, and so I managed to defeat them all. But when it all ends, I leave to others to eat. I do not like to eat eggs, and if I have to, then I eat only the egg whites. Eggyolk I'll throw out, I don't like it. But I really like beating eggs.

Ana: I've never good at it from what I remember. I always come in last. Brother, Milos has always been better at choosing the egg that's strongest and will hold on to it until the very end. I'm not sure how he did it, but he'd be the most successful.

JJ cheats.  Ana sucks.  Tale as old as time.

(Pic: Novosti.rs)

Air Quotes: Heh. "Infrequent Triumphs." True.

Per Google Translate:

"Nothing can be for Serbia to achieve one without the other. This victory is very much Ana, just like all the other girls. Because of my condition I could not sit on the bench all the time and cheer for her first day, but I was watching the Sunday when they played against Cibulkova. it is ridiculous to talk about that I have something against her and that I do not care that she wins and is looking forward to. I was thrilled when she got Hantuchova, this victory meant a lot to us. I'm sorry that it hurt, was it is a real setback for her, but I want her to recover as soon as possible and again begins to infrequent triumphs."

Translation error WIN.

Think Before You Tweet.

You realize your avatar is you with a ball in your mouth, right?  Just checking.

So...Domi was kind of excited securing a point when Ana was forced to retire in tears due to her abdominal injury on Sunday.  Eyewitness accounts describe her as celebrating like a fucktard while Ana was busy crying into her racquet bag (paraphrasing, mine).  I wish I could show you what happened but the YouTubes are empty.

What I do know is that if she did what everyone says she did (again, assumption) then it was, inarguably, a pretty classless move.  If Amelie Mauresmo can hold her shit together and show some compassion when she WON A GRAND SLAM off a retirement, then surely you can keep your shit together when you secure a non-decisive point in a Fed Cup relegation tie.  Am I being controversial here? 

But let's give Midge the benefit of the doubt and say she got caught up in the moment (and yes, I'm ignoring my Ally McBeal instincts to yell "But it's an excited utterance and thus admissible hearsay!" Trying to be mature here).  But they she took to the Twitter and tweeted her excitement.  I gotta say, this short-sightedness sure does make me appreciate Caro's boring but classy post-match tweets. 

Whoops.  Got distracted.  The point of this post was actually just to post up tweets at her that cracked me up:

Drama Queens.

They may not be best friends, they may not be great tennis players all of the time, and they may have disagreements from time to time.  But after this weekend they both share one unbreakable bond:

Daniela Hantuchova hates them both equally.*

In what was hands-down the most ridiculously dramatic tie of the weekend, Team Serbia overcame every fucking obstacle thrown in their way to stage in improbable comeback to take the tie over Slovakia 3-2, thus avoiding relegation to World Group II. 

I'm going to guess that the only person who is happier than JJ, Ana, Bojana, and Alexandra about Serbia surviving this dicey tie is Dejan.  When he announced on Friday that he wasn't putting in JJ to play a singles match on Saturday, people (read: me) were like "THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK????"  You're *not* going to play the Serbia #1 and player who's been making quarterfinal and semifinal runs for the past month and a half?  Watchu smokin' and can I have NONE OF IT.

No one was providing any clarification other than "I just think it's the right move."  We would find out after the tie that JJ wasn't feeling well so she essentially tapped herself out of Saturday's action.  I totally get why Dejan wouldn't say that in the first place.  But seriously, it would have saved everyone a lot of heavy drinking.

ANYWAY.

Shit could have been baaaad after Saturday.  Bojangles couldn't hold on to a one-set lead over Domi and collapsed in three, shifting the pressure on Ana.  AND WE KNOW HOW MUCH ANA LUUUUUUUURVES PRESSHA!

Actually, she lurved it quite fine.  She threw down the best Fed Cup performance of her career, beating Dani easily, and no there was no squeaking so don't even start with me, Dani.  WHEEE!!!  1-1 after day one.  Surely Dehan would put JJ in on Sunday and Ana and JJ would win their rubbers, hop on a plane, and go broker some peace in the Middle East.

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

After dropping the first set 63 to Domi, Ana was up 3-0 when she went for a backhand and felt a twinge in her abs.  Yup, the same abs that forced her to retire from Hopman Cup earlier in the year.  After dropping three straight games after that, she pulled the ripcord and retired from the match.  Oh, and when Ana retired in tears, Domi danced around and celebrated like she won a Slam. 

And that's when the Tennis Gods were like, "HAIL NAWWWWW, MIDGET."

Help us JJ-Wan Kenobi.  You're our only hope. 

And so, like death and taxes (which are due today, btw #PSA), JJ summoned Falkor (anyone?) and rode in to save the, what turned out to be, very very very long day.  First she needed over two hours and 45 minutes to beat Dani, 7-5 in the third.  Then she powdered her nose, took some time to explain to AK-47 what it means when Aunt Flo comes for a visit (mentoring!), and took the court for the decisive doubles match.  Which turned out to be nuts.

Clearly the fact that it was a decisive doubles match wasn't dramatic *enough* for Team Serbia so they decided to make it interesting: by going down a set and 5-1, 30-0 to Dani and Rybarikova.  Just for shits and giggs.

Final score?  26 75 97.  Serbia advances, Slovakia relegated.

I honestly had no idea whether those guys were Serbian coaches who were celebrating via dog pile, or Slovak fans who bumrushed the court to tear JJ's head off.  Either way, that looked kinda scary.  But also very very awesome. 

A gutsy Sunday for JJ who should totally get a Heart Award for spending over six hours on court, and a wonderful win by TEAM Serbia.  Ana secured a point, JJ secured a point, and AK-47 comes through YET AGAIN in a decisive doubles rubber.  And before people even try to slag off Bojana, let us not forget that much like Tipsy's DC heroics from last year, Serbia wouldn't have even been in a position to get back into World Group if not for Bojangles' Heart-Award-Worthy performance in the first round against Canada. 

As for all the stuff on the Twitter about pitting JJ fans against Ana fans and all that nonsense (if you don't know what I'm talking about don't worry about) all I have to say is this: Whatever.  This is a great accomplishment and result for these four ladies and I would personally rather spend my energy celebrating that than trying to turn shit all negative.  It just seems so unnecessary.  For now, let's pop some champagne, link arms, and sing made up songs that involve words like "ajde", "idemo", and "swimming pools".  We can all return to throwing poo at each other tomorrow.

That's Fed Cup, people.  It brings people together for a united cause.  Crazy shit happens when you stich that flag on your kit.  Sorry, did I say "crazy"?  I meant AWESOME.

(Pics: AP, Fed Cup Site)

*No, I do not know why JJ was dressed like the Hamburglar. 

 

 

 

Pic This: Bottle Your Water, Belgrade. I'm Begging You.

WHUUUUUUUUUUUT.

WHUUUUUUUT.

WHUUUUUUUUT.

WHUUUUUUUUUT.

MAKE SEX AND HAVE BABIES!  AND MAYBE LET US WATCH!  YOUR PUBLIC BESEECHES YOU!

WHY AM I YELLING!

(Pics: Men's Tennis Forum, John Russo Photography)

"E" Is for "Empty."

"Well, I kind of broke my racquet and then kind of cried a little bit.  (Smiling.)  And then I was okay."

Gosh.  Where do I start.  Deep breath.  Sorry if this is really long.  I just feel like a lot of people are curious as to what happened in this match and since no one could watch it and there weren't that many journalists courtside, I want to try and get it right.  I feel like I owe it to both players.  It was a great match.

Here we go.

While her doubles partner was on Stadium Court relying on her fitness to outlast JJ, Ana was wilting on Court 2 in a match that only the 2,500 people sitting courtside were able to watch.  It's a damn shame this match wasn't streamed.   I know Ana fans are carrying a heavy heart today, and if you're like me, that heavy heart feels more like a pit in your stomach this morning.  But if you were able to see the match, you'd have a sense of pride, too. 

She played well, you guys.  REALLY REALLY WELL.  For two and a half sets, Ana was absolutely flawless against Kim.  Sure, she dropped that first set 76(4) but the point count?  Kim: 37, Ana 36.  Kim wasn't at her best in this match, but at least in the first set she was on her B+ game, dictating with her forehand and running Ana corner to corner just to stay in rallies. For her part, Ana was serving well, repeatedly holding at love or 15. 

Uh oh, right?  I was ready for a 61 set for Kim after that.  The kid worked so hard in that first set, played at a high level, and still got nipped in the end.  Time for the inevitable letdown. 

But no.  She came out of the gate with an ace, saving a break point to hold and race to a 3-0 lead.  When she needed a big serve she usually got it, either with a service winner or short return that she put away with her forehand.  Not only was she playing remarkably well, but she was emotionally contained throughout.  There were no ajdes, there were no racquet swipes at the ground.  A few silent fistpumps to herself, turn around, and go again.  As Kim's level dipped just a tick, Ana ran away with it.  Next thing you knew, Ana had the second set 6-3.  No screams, no squeals.  Just a quiet fistpump to herself, a steely look to her box, and a purposeful walk to the chair.  It was so badass, which isn't a word I use to describe Ana, like, EVER.

"She was playing really well.  I mean, it's been a long time since I've seen her play like that: playing aggressive, serving well.  You know, she's tough to beat, so if she can keep that up..."

Kicking off the third set.  I had already made up my mind that I was happy no matter how it turned out.  I was really proud of Ana's performance here but I think we all knew that if Kim could pick up her level a little bit she'd find her way out of it.  Kim's A-game is better than Ana's A-game.  There was no reason to think Kim couldn't find her way back.

But sometimes I forget that as awesome as Kim is, she's still Kim.  She's prone to sudden dips of form that come out of nowhere.  Sure enough, she was pretty much crap for most of that third set.  Rolling backhands into the net, double faulting all over the place, and coming up with panicked shot-selection at the oddest times.  At one point she hit a backhand from the baseline that hit the strings but actually bounced twice before it hit the net.  It was nuts.  As Kim was falling apart, Ana maintained her level and built a 5-1 lead.

And that's when things got...interesting. 

First of all, you know how I was saying Ana was emotionally contained throughout the match?  Well after hitting a forehand winner to secure the 5-1 lead, she finally let it all out:

I was live-tweeting the match courtside and I think I was doing a pretty good job of not getting ahead of myself for much of the match.  But at 5-1, just like Ana, I let loose:

And there it is.  Two people on Court 2, one person on court, one person off-court, allowing themselves, even if for a brief moment, the indulgence to hope.  Hope.  Huh.  Where have I heard that word before.

Kim came out to serve at 1-5 and looked like she wanted to go home and play with Jada.  Through a slew of unforced errors, Ana found herself suddenly looking at 0-40, triple match point.  Then, all of a sudden, Kim decided to play tennis again.  She served those points really well and set up a series of one-two punch points that didn't give Ana a chance.  Kim would save four match points in that game to hold to 5-2. 

"I think because I've been on the tour for many years, you realize that you have to keep trying until the last point is played.  In tennis, that's sometimes probably the frustrating part about it.  But in my situation now, the good thing about it is that it's never over until that last shot is played.  And, again, you know, even if it's 5-1, Okay, you start a game 0-0.  She has to win four points.  So you just try to work your way into it.  And you do feel when your opponent starts to be a little less aggressive, starts to make a few more easier mistakes.  You see her look at the sideline a little bit more.  Those kind of things do -- I notice that, and I think that's what gave me a little bit of a, like, Ah, you know, maybe there is a little chance.

If she would have served a couple of aces and then hit some really good forehands, then, you know, too good.  But I was trying not to give it to her that easily.  I was trying to just try and go for that backhand, and she hit a couple of short ones.  Then I went for it on match point a couple times with my forehand."

I know a lot of people are going to want to say that Ana choked this match away.  I'm not saying that you're wrong, but I'm also not willing to completely buy into that take of the match either.  Kim really did play those 4 MPs well.  She won them. 

"You know, I just felt like I couldn't do much different.  She really served well and played well on those.  On my service games I didn't get any match points, and I do feel like I created chances.  But, you know, many times in 30-All or important points, she played really well and, you know, got lucky with a few lines.  Just really, really tough."

To the extent Ana choked, I think it was in her first chance to serve for the match at 5-2.  She played some *very* tentative tennis in that game and gave Kim the opportunity to take control of the rallies and run her ragged until she missed. 

"I think she got a little tentative towards the end to try and finish it off, and it gave me some chances to, you know, just stay in the match and try not to overplay, try not to make too many unforced errors."

Kim would break there and hold again (saving a MP) to 4-5.  It was clear at this point that she had decided to switch tactics.  For most of the match she was going for winners.  She was the aggressor, working to put away short balls.  That worked well in the first set, but she had been missing badly in the second and third.  Now, with the pressure on Ana, Kim backed off, choosing instead to play backboard to force Ana into going for two much.  The Rope-A-Dope worked.  Ana had to work so hard from corner to corner and she was basically punching herself into exhaustion.  I never see Ana out-of-breath for prolonged periods of time.  But by 5-4 she was sucking air between every point.  Her legs looked heavy, she was practically panting, and she was shooting worried/stressed/freaked out looks at Darren and Olivier after every point. 

"I felt on my service game in the third set kind of my legs kind of, you know, left me a little bit.  Tried to generate more power with my arm, and then started to force it a little more.  So I couldn't generate as much power because I couldn't jump anymore....  You know, the way the year started in Australia, I got injured in my abdominal and it was kind of dragging on a little so I couldn't practice.  So physically I really wasn't 100% there.  Just tried to work hard."

I keep pretty detailed, point by point match notes when I know I'm going to have to write it up. 

"5-5. No legs. Running on guts. It's over." 

That's the last thing I wrote.

The serve that had carried Ana throughout the match was gone.  Exhausted, she was panicking early, pulling the trigger at inopportune times and going for outright winners that she was just too tired to hit properly.  The misses mounted, and despite Ana's valiant attempts to will herself to the win (she came back from 3-1 down in the breaker to level it at 5-5), Kim was just too steady.  Game, Set, Match, Clijsters, 76(4) 36 76(5).

"It is very hard [to accept].  You should see my racquet. (Smiling.)  But you know, I really felt like I haven't done much wrong, you know.  I had my opportunities, and she played some really good tennis.  You know, a few occasions got a little bit lucky as well.  You know, I fought hard, and I felt I stayed throughout the whole match.  I stayed with her and I created opportunities for myself.  Just very disappointed to lose like that.

I think no matter what the ranking says, I think she's the hottest player at the moment.  You know, it was gonna be a good test for me, and I managed to stay out there with her physically and also to create opportunities and create lots of match points for myself.  That's a very positive thing for me to take from here, becaue, you know, coming into Indian Wells and Miami, honestly I wasn't feeling great physically.  So to come all that way and challenge myself against, you know, best player, it's a good thing."

It is a good thing.  They say that success come when preparation meets opportunity.  Ana had the opportunity.  She just didn't have the preparation.  It's been a tough year of battling injuries that have kept her off the court and out of the gym.  She simply hasn't been able to get her body into tip-top shape to compete at her absolute highest level.  Yesterday, she redlined for two hours and ran out of gas.  Nothing she could do about that, really.  It sounds cliche, but she did the best she could for as long as she could, playing at a level I haven't seen from her since her slump.  It just wasn't enough against the world's best player.  That's why Kim's the best.

Still, there are a lot of positives for Ana to take away from Indian Wells and Miami as she heads back to Europe.  She's already withdrawn from Marbella, citing the need to rest up and get her body healed.  Smart move, I think.  Hope she hits the clay season with not just a full tank, but a bigger tank.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: You're Welcome.

That shirt would not. stay. down.

An impressive feat of t-shirt engineering, Adidas. 

(Pic: Forty Deuce)

Incredulity: Serbian Style

During Ana's third round win over Razzano, Petko popped in to watch the match after her practice.  Awfully nice, I thought.  She just happened to be standing waiting for the changeover when an absolutely horrible line call went against Ana. 

Just like her BFF, Petko has a HORRIBLE poker face.

 

Uh...you're not helping things, Petko.  You're only encouraging her.

"It's cool, Anci.  I got your back.  This isn't creepy at all.  I promise."

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Yes, Petko. Forty Have.

So Petko has a nickname for me: "Forty".  I feel like this is such cosmic justice for the fact that I run a blog that revolves around nicknames.  Anyway, not only did she bring it up during our interview earlier in the week, but she's hellbent on actually using it whenever she sees me. 

This would include press conferences:

Q: Has [Ana] paid the $20?

Petkovic: Ana?  Yeah, immediately.  You have to pay in the changeovers.  We already exchange -- yeah it's true. (Laughter) It's true.  Forty has pictures.  You have?

That's in addition to Petko shutting down a reporter when we asked her a question at the same time. "Sorry.  It's Forty."  Heh.

Anyway, since she asked, yes, I have pictures of the cash exchange from yesterday's match:

In case you're wondering:

"I won 20 bucks.  Ana, I think she shed one tear, because I hit aces.  I usually go more for percentage and trying to mix it up.  Yesterday, like in the first or second game I hit three aces, which is 15 bucks already.  Also on the decisive point I hit a return winner, which is also 5 bucks, so 20 bucks all in all.  She earned -- I think she had one ace and one important volley, so that was $7.  So $13.  (Laughter)"

Well done, ladies.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Ana Ivanovic Gets Pissed: A Compendium.

Ana had a successful day at the office but a rough day with the umpires.  Her singles match was riddled with questionable calls and her doubles match saw Ivanorazzi get broken in the second set on an overrule from the chair.  Ana was...not pleased.  But as Petko's facial expressions show, a pissed off Ana is a hilarious Ana.

The funny thing is that it wasn't even on her shot.  It was on Petko's.  What a good teammate.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: "No Seriously, How Do You Hit a Tweener?"

NERD.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Losers Pants. Winners Dance.

Ivanorazzi!!!  Totally the highlight of yesterday's viewing schedule.  After spending much of the morning watching Sveta and Sam cruise, I was off to watch me the doubles pairing of two of the more charming and delightful ladies on tour.  And while they're actually not horrible at the game of tennis, they haven't actually won matches together.  And by that I mean, no really, they actually haven't won a match together.

Whoops.  I wasn't the only one stoked for this match.  It took me four changeovers to finally get into the stands.  The Sveta/Bepa dubs was packed later in the day as well.  Take a lesson from your preppy twin, Sony Ericsson Open: People love doubles, even when girls play.

Once inside it was everything I hoped it would be. 

There were lots of adorable high-fives.

Adorabler high 2.5s. 

Actually, that one's more of a high 0.92.

And Ana was a dork.  Seriously.  She was suuuuuuuuuuuuch a dork throughout the match.  During the changeover after this point, Ana went to wallet and gave Petko some cash.  Want to know why?  Well, this is what Petko told me afterwards:

She actually gave me $10 but I had to give her change.  So [the rules are] if you serve an ace on an important point, $5.  If you serve a service winner on an important point, $2, return winner, $2.  And this, where she gave me $2, was she said "OK, I'm going to serve a first serve and if you cross and put the volley away I'll give you $2."  And she just had $10 so she gave it to me and I said I would give her the change later.  Then, after that amazing most epic point ever, she said "OK.  You can keep the change."  We said that probably we would be the #1 and #2  in the world if the prize money was visible on the net post.  So that's our way of motivating.

So there you go.  I'm bringing an abacus to their next match to keep tally.  Just kidding.  I always have an abacus on me.  Because I'm Asian.

After losing the first set 6-4, Ivanorazzi quickly built a 4-0 lead over Angry Rodionova and Chuang.  In fact, they served for the match at 5-1.  Of course, it would have to be Ana serving.  My viewing companion, the lovely Aisha, leaned over and whispered, "How much you want to bet it'll be 5-2?"  House money, girl.  I ain't dumb. 

As if we needed any reminder that these two were playing under an invisible Serbian flag, 5-1 became 5-2, which evolved to 5-3, which morphed to 5-4, which metastasised to 5-5.  NERVOOOOOOOS!  As if the match needed any more twists and turns, Ana served at 5-5 and...HELD!!!  Then on set point, Petko put away a volley and turned to Ana as if to say "See?  Was that so hard?"

On to the Super Tiebreak, where Ivanorazzi have seen their hopes and dreams dashed almost every time.  But they both played fantastic!  Ana was flying around the net, intercepting crosses and putting away her volleys.  At one point she hit a high flying backhand volley which caused me to wonder out loud, "Is it just me or was that...actually...balletic?"  People laughed.  As they should.

Of course Rodio wouldn't go down easily.  With coach Conchita Martinez cheering her on, Rodio thwapped an overhead that Petko had to hit the deck to avoid.  BISH WHAT???  It's a good thing there were steel barriers.  I was ready to charge the court and throw down.  But I should know better.  Petko can handle herself.  On the very next point she hit an overhead in the general vicinity of Rodio.  Heh.  That's our Petko.  From there the ladies built up quite the lead and finally closed it out 10-5. 

Hugs, smiles, high fives, WHATEVER!!!  I WANT TO SEE THE DANCE, DAMMIT!

Um.  So that was awesome.  As they walked off the court a guy called out to Ana to do the dance again.  "Next match,"  she said through a shy smile.  Let's hope so!

I asked Petko what took more time, convincing Ana to do the dance or teaching it to her:

Convincing was hard work  because last week in Indian Wells, I think, in the tiebreaker, I felt like she hit one or two double faults and didn't hit the returns quite as she's used to. Because I told her before the breaker, I thought it would be motivation but obviously it was some kind of scaring her.  I told her "Ana we do the Petko dance if we win!" and I thought like, she's gonna go like "Yeah!  Now I'm going to run even more!"  but she went, like "Yeah.  I'm going to serve two doubles and not put the return in."  So I think she was scared back then.  But now we practiced and now she's more comfortable.  But she said before the match points she said she was getting so nervous because now we were winning it and she would have to do the Petko dance.

Way to hold your nerve, Ana.  And well done with the booty-shaking.

It was a long but successful day at the office for Petko, who took out Jamie Hampton in singles under the blazing early afternoon sun and then had to turn around for dubs under the low, hot late-afternoon sun.  She was wiped (she apparently fell asleep during her massage) but elated:

Emotion-wise, today winning doubles with Ana was really, I was more happy about that than about my singles win because I haven't won a doubles match in a year.  And I'm not that bad of a doubles player, I just don't win.  Today I was so happy and Ana also, because we tried a couple of times to play together and we always lost in the Champions tie-break.  So probably I had good emotions today after winning the doubles.  And I got her to do the Petko dance.

Yes, you did, Andrea.  And *that* was your biggest triumph of the day.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Barf.

Mono fought off some sort of virus or food poisoning to end Ana's inspired run in Indian Wells, 64 76.  It was, to use a technical tennis term, a bummer.  All credit to Mono.  She was clearly struggling physically but once the point started she wasn't missing off either wing and she was running down everything, putting pressure on Ana to hit not only an extra ball but a better ball.  Marion has always been one of those players who seems unbeatable when she's on.  She didn't have her A+ game today.  But it was pretty damn good.  She'll face Yanina next, a match I will very likely not be watching.

All that said, Ana clearly had her chances.  The two traded breaks for much of the second set and while she'd play perfect aggressive tennis while returning, Ana seemed to take her foot off the gas pedal juuuuuuuuuust a bit on her service games to give Mono a sniff.  The big serve that bailed her out against JJ just wasn't there today and she looked slow off the jump.  It's almost as though she's so shocked her serves go in that she isn't ready for the ball coming back. 

The epic rally on the third point of the second set tiebreak sealed the deal for Ana.  It was a grueling point that ended with Ana flat on her back and completely winded.  It seemed to take her lungs and legs for the next few points and she wouldn't recover until they changed ends.  But it was too late. 

Still, considering that she came into this tournament with minimal expectations and came out of it with three straight wins and notching her biggest win of the year over a Top 10 player, I choose to look at the positives.  I just really want her to get her legs under her by the time clay comes around.  She could really do some damage there if her confidence is up. 

See you in Miami, Ana!  Call me if you want to grab a drink to talk about how Indian Wells is a far superior tournament ;)

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

 

 

 

 

On a Fist and a Prayer.

There was fist-pumping, there was ajdeing, and there was smiling. That's the usual way of things whenever these two meet.  But the difference in today's match between the two Serb Sisters is that while Ana typically only has a monopoly on the first two, today she owned all three.  She played like she believed in every aspect of her game: her forehand, her backhand, her swing volley, they were all working today and they were all hit with conviction.  It was actually beautiful to watch.  If you're an Ana fan you know that it's been a loooooooong time since we could truly and honestly say her game was pretty.  I don't know what she put in her Wheaties but she played without any doubt today. 

Ok...most of it.  The toss was still a problem.  But again, today was a bit different.  Typically, when Ana throws up an errant toss she'll catch it and you'll see her elbow lock and forearm ripple as she seems to be squeezing the ever loving crap out of the ball.  I've seen this happen quite a bit.  It has always been a sign of tension and obvious annoyance/embarassment with herself.

But that wasn't the case today.  More often than not, Ana would just smile in reaction to the particularly egregious tosses.  She was laughing with her box, engaging with the crowd, and smiling on missed challenges.  On one particularly bad challenge, she started talking to the crowd while Hawkeye was loading to get their opinion.  Upon seeing the error of her ways, she started laughing and apologized to JJ for even bothering to challenge.  This was a loose kid.

Maybe she knew the Lord Baby Jesus was on her side?

Or perhaps she was playing in honor of Leather, who she has summarily fired.  That's right folks.  I actually got to break news today!  We obviously noticed that Leather wasn't in Ana's box so I asked around, got confirmation of the split, then asked Ana about it in the presser.  REPORTAGE.  Don't worry.  It won't happen again.

But yes, Ana and Leather have split.  They remain friends but had differing views on where her fitness needed to go:

"I just felt like I needd to get a little bit stronger.  I was feeling very weak on the court and I had quite a few injuries.  I just want to take a bit different approach and gain some more muscles beause my game is so powerful.  I felt weak and that caused a lot of stress on my body.  At the end of last year I lost some weight and I felt really fast and strong on the court, but then I lost too much and I just felt like I couldn't produce anything out of the corners.  I was feeling quite weak on the court and I couldn't recover.  I just felt like I needed a little bit different approach.  I needed to gain some of that strength back.  Not dead weight, just some more muscle mass.  It's a process.

So there it is.  No more Leather.  More on that in a bit.

This was a tough loss for JJ, as evidenced by the one hour she spent sitting on the practice field with her team, gesticulating wildly, talking animatedly, miming everything she did wrong and arguing about it.  She gave full credit to Ana in the presser and said she just didn't feel like she was moving very well.  That's a pretty accurate assessment of the match right there.  Ana's strengths (big hitting, big serving, controlling rallies) were on and JJ's strengths (movement, return of serve, consistency) were off.  Put it all together and you get a 64 62 loss that saw her coach call her out on a coaching timeout for not having any heart. 

Way harsh, Tai.

Resplendent stuff from Ana, who follows in her BFF's footsteps to upset a top seed and more importantly, put together a performance to remind everyone that yes, she can be very good at tennis.  With Kim's second set retirement to Mono due to a shoulder injury, Ana's got a real shot here.  She'll get Bartoli in the quarters and either Yanina or Shahar in the semis.

With Dinara's run, Masha around, Ana beating JJ, and Sam sucking at tennis, this really does feel like 2008. 

Ah...2008.   Those were the days.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: Obligatory Ana Pic of the Day.

SHE PRETTY.

(Pic: Forty Deuce)

So You're Not Dating Nole?

Ana's on-court interview after her win over BZS.

But Where Will Nole Sit? #duh

Four great things about Ana's win on Sunday.  First...uh she won, idiots.  That's awesome, full stop.

Second, she played well.  She was only broken once and even then, she broke herself by serving three double faults.  I thought she was nicely patient in the rally while at the same time looking for her opportunity to crack a forehand and come in to the net. 

Third, she sets up a clash with her bestie JJ, who took out Goerges in straights, on Tuesday.  Those are always an adventure. 

Fourth, she made BZS make that face.

It was a good day, Ana Nation.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Ivanovic!

Her milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard.

And I mean ALL the boys.

Yup, Novak was snuggled up in Ana's box (never not funny!) as she played a solid match, with flashes of brilliance here and there, to beat Kimiko 64 62.  The serve was ok but the story was her forehand which looked better than I've seen this year, particularly on the return.  Let's not get too excited, Ana fans.  It wasn't exactly an inspiring performance.  But it was a win and if you think about it, it's her biggest win of the year.

To add awesome syrup to awesome pancakes, Strycova upset Petra today.  So Ana gets her next. 

Like I said, let's not get too excited.  But we are most certainly allowed to flash a smile.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: Tough Life.

Bitch, you ain't on Twitter.  Why you checkin' your phone?

Heh.  Such a girl.

GET OUT THE PICTURE, LIEZEL.

Why you gotta be creepy, Lleyton?  Can't a hot girl stretch her impossibly golden tan limbs and give you a peek at her hoo-ha in peace? 

What is this world coming to?

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Pic This: Imitation is the Sincerest Form of...Something.

HEY VERA!!!

Oops.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

All...Righty Then.

So the Three Stripes seem to have unveiled a new slogan here at Indian Wells: Adidas Is All In.  Kind of random and not the most inspiring choice, especially when "Impossible Is Nothing" works so well.  I'm guessing it's less directed towards consumers and more a statement of reassurance for their stable of players.  "We got your back," is perhaps what they intend, while all I hear is "We bet the ranch on you so go out there and win or else we're homeless.  No pressure!"

As it is, Adidas literally does have their backs, although again, if you really think about it, sense it makes none:

And yes, that is "All Fernando" goosing Rafa.  The dude likes titties and he doesn't care what they're attached to.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Next Best Thing.

I was in the car yesterday when I got word that Ivanorazzi, rather inexplicably, lost their doubles match.  My reaction was well-reasoned and full of perspective and rationality.  I am nothing if not level-headed.

So you can imagine the amount of scrambling and sprinting involved when, thanks to the glorious combination of Twitter and cellular telephone (or "cell phone" if you're one of those "hip" kids), I found out Petko and Ana were practicing with each other. 

It was awesome. 

Except for the part where Ana kinda sucked at tennis.  Lots of quiet frustration from her throughout their practice set, which continued through her practice set with her hitting partner.  Her timing just looked off.

It's ok, Ana.  You're still pretty.

(Pics: Forty Deuce)

Ivanorazzi.

IW dubs partners. 

Yeah, you heard me.

Sigh. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I know, dude.  I know.

(Pic: Best Week Ever)

Is Kenny G On Staff at the WTA Now?

I've never understood this whole "dinner on the beach" business. Why do you want (a) sand in your food, (b) wind turning your hair into a Bride of Frankenstein fro, (c) having to scream over the sound of crashing waves and wind to have a conversation, and (d) sand up your butt?

Have I mentioned that I'm not fond of the beach generally?  Or Valentine's Day? (High five, Petko.  Concert and beer.  Word).

But side-ponytailed Bepa asking for a surprise?  I just heard a lot of men and women squee their pants.

See Ya, Greasy.

Ana's trial run with Greasy is over and she's kicked him to the curb.  Apparently he tried to add to her game and thought she had lost too much weight.

Never, ever, comment on a woman's weight, Grease. That's, like, the rules of feminism.  Also, don't walk around in RF t-shirts.  That's, like, the rules of not looking like an idiot.

I'm totally "meh" on the whole thing.  I wasn't all that enamoured with the hiring in the first place and to the extent he was trying to fiddle with Ana's game, me no likee.  I'm not saying her game doesn't need fiddling, it does.  But not right now.  Right now she just needs to keep it simple (PLAY STUPID) and knowing what we know about her mind (STOP THINKING!!!) it's best to just let her see the ball, hit the ball.  That's why I thought Heinz did such a great job last year.  It waasn't about turning her into an all-around player or adding tactics and elements to her game to make her "the perfect tennis player".  It was just about see the ball, hit the ball.  In my opinion, that's what she needs right now.  Just to get back to where she has the confidence to play freely and instinctively.

I don't know.  Maybe Moose will listen to all idiots (read: pundits) and fire Judy and Ana can pick her up off the wire.  Maybe she wins without a coach.  Maybe she goes on a two month losing spree.  But the kid needs a team she can trust and it didn't sound like Greasy was in the trust tree.  So regardless of whether he's a good coach or not, out you go.  She's got enough reasons to doubt herself.  She doesn't need someone else adding to the pile, too.

Hey Jealousy.

Q. It's been no secret that Ana has a crush on Roger. She always says that Roger is her favorite player to watch.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: She has a crush on Roger?

Q. I think so.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: But you said for sure. Was she sitting in my box?

Q. Yeah. Why was she in your box and supporting you and not...

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: A little bit of gossip. You want to hear that. No, Ana is my friend for since we were five. We know each other. She's been practicing here. She had the first-round loss unfortunately, and she's been practicing because she goes to the tournament from here, from Melbourne next week. So she used the opportunity to come to the matches. She will come to the final. Great to see her there in the box. Great to have her support.

But I'm not going to answer the other question, because I really don't know. You have to ask her.

Nole, Twice a Day!

A few years ago, Tennis Magazine referred to Nole as "The Player's Player".  If my memory serves me right (sorry, I can't seem to find the tiny write-up) they described him as the all-arounder who had every shot and was the type of tennis player that other tennis players like to watch. 

You could see why tonight.

There is no doubt that Roger Federer is the artist.  He's the guy who thinks up incredible shots, has an awesome tennis IQ, and whose underrated movement makes his whole game look effortless.  But he got straight up BEAT tonight by a tennis player.  A player who played point by point, hit the right shot when he had it, didn't overplay, and defended the court as though he was running suicides on the baseline (I'm just going to assume you guys know what "suicides" are).

"I thought he played a great match. I didn't think I played bad myself, so it was a match played at a very high intensity for a long period of time.  Clearly it's disappointing to lose, but what to do if he plays well on the big points, and potentially maybe I didn't.  Novak was the better player tonight. You got to accept that and move on from here."

Can't disagree with that assessment.

The match was tight, it was tense, and the final score, 76 75 64 reflects that.  But what it doesn't reflect is how soundly Novak seemed to beat Roger tonight.  He played the big points better, he served huge when Roger was on the verge of breaking him, and he somehow fought back from 2-5 down in the second set to steal the set and seemingly break Roger's spirit. 

Roger was getting cranky with the umpire about stuff, he was stepping out when Nole would bounce the ball too long for his liking and when Nole stopped his motion, confused as to why Roger was just standing there, Roger actually yelled something at him, saying something that evoked a "Sorry" from Novak.  A bit touchy there, Roger.  If you have a problem, talk to the umpire.  Don't yell at another player.  That seemed unnecessary and the boys at ESPN thought it reeked of gamesmanship. Asked about it after the match, Fed took a page from A-Rod's book: "He's a nice guy, the umpire, so I kind of like to talk to him at times."

Cheeky.

Thankfully, Nole didn't let it rattle him.  He carried on with his business and while he had a few tight moments, he steadied his nerve when it really mattered.  A match of maturity from the flying one.

But back to the tennis.  This is the first time Fed will be without a Slam in the cycle since before his win at Wimbledon in 2003.  How's that for a stat.  This was a clean kill by Nole, who hasn't dropped a set to Fed on these True Blue Aussie courts.  He's also beaten Roger at the last two Slams.  He's riding a wave of confidence and playing the best tennis I've ever seen him play, AND he has Ana in his box. 

I mean, can you really bet against the Falcon while she looks on?

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: Has It Really Only Been Four Days?

Has it really only been four days?  It feels like a week already, to be honest.  But it's been pretty great so far, even if I feel as loopy as that girl looks.

You know how there are some guys you look at and you're like "Oooh.  I bet you he'd be total gentle and kind in the sex."

Yeah, Lleyton is not that guy.

 

You can always count on some good MaKiri Grit Face when she comes through in a tight three-setter.  Always.  Couldn't follow it up though, and she's out to Iveta today.

The Petko Dance has gone interpretive, guys.

 

Her Off-Season Training Didn't Prepare Her For This.

Um, I kinda love this show. Mainly for the Lleyton dig at the end.

She Rules. 'Nuff Said.

What do you say after that?  No really.  I've been staring at this blank screen for the past hour and all I can think is "What am I supposed to say?"  My favorite player came into this tournament with a lot of hope and just played a gutty match against a game opponent, saved match point after match point, showed the world that she's a fighter, and still lost, ousted out of her favorite Slam in the first round.  What really can I possibly say?

I'm sure all the folks who actually cover this sport objectively will have plenty to say tomorrow.  They'll say Ana choked.  They'll say that she's not back.  They'll say Makarova played a good match.  They'll say Ana will be absolutely devastated with this loss.  They'll say things, and chances are, I won't disagree with any of it. 

But that's not what I want to say.  Being analytical of the match?  Sorry, but as a fan, I just can't even get myself into that headspace. Ten minutes after Ana walked off the court I was in the Heineken beer garden drowning my sorrows, talking about anything and everything other than that match.  Hours later, it still stings and I'm at a bit of a loss.

So this is what I'll say.

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those fans who could just focus on the tennis that's played on the court.  On some level, I think that would make things easier. You could make objective determinations about players and matches, you can cite stats, you can talk about forehands and backhands and debate all that technical stuff.  Seriously, when I listen in on those conversations, I'm totally fascinated and envious.  It all flies completely over my head.  It's like listening in on a conversation where you know everyone is speaking English but they're using phrases and reference points that are completely foreign to you. 

As much as I try (self-preservation and whatnot) I'm not one of those fans.  The actual tennis, if I were to be completely and blatantly honest, is not even secondary.  It's sixthiary.  What draws me to tennis and to players is their character, their heart, how they conduct themselves with the press and fans, their personalities, etc.  You know, all the stuff that, really, has nothing to do with winning a tennis match.

Which puts me in quite a predicament.  I end up becoming a huge fan of players who, many times, can and will suck at tennis.  Dinara Safina is one of those people.  Let's face it, she has a lot of absolutely legitimate excuses, but the fact is that she's simply not all that great at tennis right now.  Everyone joked when the draw came out that she'd get absolutely destroyed by Kim.  But did we honestly think she'd get double-bageled in less than 50 minutes?  Maybe I'm naive and a bit of an idiot (you can strike the "Maybe" from that sentence if you choose) but I didn't.  So when it happened, you just absolutely had to feel for Dinara, who works and tries so hard.  Some people may not care about work ethic but I do.  It just bums me out to see her work so hard on the practice court only to find that she's not even close to being a force to be reckoned with.

And then there's Ana.  My absolute favorite current tennis player.  It's never really had anything to do with her tennis.  Sure, that forehand (at least the one she used to hit in 2007) drew me in and forced me to take notice, but that's not why I'm a fan.  I'm a fan because she seems like a genuinely good person.  She works hard, she's honest, she just seems like a pretty normal human being.

Which is why last night's 36 63 10-8 loss to Makarova was so heartwrenching.  On one hand, of course, I was completely devastated for her.  She's never kept it a secret that she absolutely loved this Slam.  It's her favorite one.  And coming off her wins in Linz and Bali, she was raring to go in 2011.  She played well at Hopman Cup, had a good time, and then, as luck would have it, she busted her gut.  No Sydney for her but that was ok.  She would heal up and be ready for her first rounder here in Melbourne.

For a set and a half it seemed as though all that turmoil could be put behind her.  She played a fairly clean first set of tennis.  Nothing spectacular, but then again, a "clean set" from Ana at this point was in and of itself "spectacular" given her slump.  In Makarova's first two service games of the second set, Ana would have multiple break points that she couldn't convert.  So of course, as it is in tennis, Makarova would get the break first and take the set.  So on to the third.

I really don't know how to sum up the third set.  Was it scintillating tennis?  Nope.  Was it crap tennis?  Nope.  As the set went on it became clear that the match was going to be decided on heart and guts.  Who would be courageous at the right moments and who would be able to execute?

Ana saved five match points in that third set.  And we're not talking about a MP here or there.  At one point she was 0-40 and Makarova had triple MP.  She fought.  She battled back.  She stepped up and hit some great shots to save those points.  The two battled back and forth for over 90 minutes in that last set.  Sitting in the stands I kept waiting for either Ana to crumble (she was serving from behind for most of the set) or Makarova to break (Ana kept fighting and saving MPs and BPs, you just had to think Makarova would blink).  But neither did.  They fought, they hit great shots, they hit shit shots, and after the dust cleared it was Makarova who who won the match on a winner.

And that was the scene at the net.  Defeated, gutted, and on the verge of tears, Ana took the time to congratulate Makarova, and have some words at the net.  Hell, to even manage a smile after that one was a Herculean effort in my eyes.

Seeing that display made it all seem, and I know it's a weird thing to say, worth it.  It was just such a display of class and character and I was left standing there feeling pleased as punch that Ana was my kid.  The loss was, no doubt, crushing.  You can tell as much in her teary presser.  But the fact is that Ana got beat, it was a well-played match, and Makarova absolutely hung in there and won it. 

I'm an Ana Ivanovic fan.  Super proud of it.  And if that's what I take away from this match then that's a-ok with me.

(Pics: Getty)

 

Giggle, Giggle, PORN.

I love Andy's "WOT?"

We all were, A-Rod.



The decision to go handle was money, Ana.



Oh, Nole. 

Boob bump fail at 9:07. Some topspin porn after that, too.