Forty Deuce

Paris. Momo. This Post Writes Itself.

There was a tournament in Paris last week.  Kim clinched in the #1 ranking (which Caro can reclinch this week with a SF run in Dubai -- so calm down journos hailing "order restored" and all that bullshit) and Petra then beat her in the final and will reach a career-high ranking of #14.  The tournament was so pissed they wouldn't even let Petra keep the free racquet that comes with the trophy.  These are all true things.  Kinda.

But the only thing that matters whenever Paris rolls around is Momo picspam.  The woman wears retirement well.

And scarves.  And blazers.

(Reuters, AP, Getty)

 

Congrats. Whatever.

Justine came back from a set and 3-0 down in the third set to win in s'Hertogenbosch.  Nice comeback, but her penchant for digging herself into third set holes is disconcerting if you're a Justine fan.  Which, I presume no one who reads this blog is so I'm moving on.

Oh, PetKo.  So close!  Your love of third set drama is commendable but the drama only works if you win.  It's like in Alias.  Sydney's idiocy as a spy that requires her to be rescued week by week is only forgiveable if she actually gets rescued.  I mean, if she really were to die, that's no fun, right?  Take heed, PetKo.  All that unsolicited constructive criticism aside, well done this week!

 

Speaking of well done, how about a standing ovation for Ekaterina Makarova?  She went through Eastbourne qualies, then beat Flavs, Nads, Sveta, Sam, and Vika for her first WTA title.  And here's the kicker: She didn't drop a set.  Yes, Vika practically had to be hauled off in an ambulance in the final (looks like a right leg injury), but credit to Maks for not freezing in any of these matches and keeping her nerve.  She could have easily headcased it once Vika started being all drama and shit.  A much deserved ovation, kiddo.  She could meet Venus in the second round of Wimby.

 

Much love to Team MomoLlodes!  Mikey came through in the final to capture his first singles title of the year.

Fear the Scrunchie.  FEAR IT.

And Sergiy Staks demolished a deranged homeless man in the Bosch final, 63 60.

Pic This: Well She's Got Her Coach Face Down.

Momes is in Queens offering coaching assistance to Llodra.

Pic This: Apparently When You Retire, You Get A Free Set Of Abs.

Damn, girl!

Pic This: Day 4

Day 4 was wet 'n wild, but let's kick this off, Awesome Style.

You're too cute to play in the dark.  Thank God for suspended play.

Man, Flavia does not cheat on those net kisses.

That is a damn lot of limb.  

In Mother Russia, rain falls on you.  No, wait, that's the same.  Nevermind.

I Do Feel Better. You Go, Girl.

The choice of "Empire State of Mind" was odd, but otherwise, well done. Way to steal the show, Franny.

"Quand le doigt montre le ciel, l' imbécile regarde le doigt."

And so Paris said goodbye to Amelie. 

I haven't seen the ceremony yet but I'm looking forward to it.  It looked fun.

Well, in a crying-fun kind of way.

Here's hoping she retires that scrunchie, too.

ZOMG, Mama Momes is adorbz.  And they are twinsies. 

Older French women are so fuckin' classy.  It's annoying.

Just a couple of old ladies, havin' a laugh.

No, really, Amelie.  The scrunchie.  Burn it.

"All I know is that there was a lot of wine and when I woke up, I had a scrunchie in my hair."

Feel the love.

Pic This: Roast!

"There was this one time, I mean, I don't remember the specifics, but there was a lot of wine..."

WTA OOP: Wednesday

Lena takes the court for the first time since the AO and Kleybs and Flavs do battle, in what could be a Fed Cup final preview.  Hah.  Nah.  Shamil would *never* let Kleybs play the final.  Silly Rabbit.

Also, Momo is supposed to be honored in Paris.  Here's hoping she shows up with a bottle of wine in hand.  An empty one. 

Vive le Momes!

Paris

Central (from 11.00hrs)
1. Evgeniya Rodina vs. Aravane Rezai
2. Yanina Wickmayer vs. Petra Martic
3. Elena Dementieva vs. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
4. Elena Vesnina vs. Tathiana Garbin
5. Alisa Kleybanova vs. Flavia Pennetta (NB 18.00hrs)
6. Pavlyuchenkova/Senoglu vs. Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova

Court 1 (from 11.00hrs)
1. Jans/Rosolska vs. Uhlirova/Voracova
2. Peschke/Srebotnik vs. Védy/Zalameda
3. Govortsova/Poutchek vs. Jurak/Marosi

Court/time TBA (NB 17.00hrs)
1. Black/Huber vs. Coin/Cornet

Pattaya City

Court 1 (from 15.00hrs)
1. Galina Voskoboeva vs. Vera Dushevina
2. Tatjana Malek vs. Sania Mirza
3. Tamarine Tanasugarn vs. Sabine Lisicki
4. Yaroslava Shvedova vs. Chanelle Scheepers
5. Rodionova/Rodionova vs. Karatantcheva/Rogowska

Court 2 (from 15.00hrs)
1. Marina Erakovic vs. Sybille Bammer
2. Kimiko Date Krumm vs. Anastasia Rodionova
3. Julia Goerges vs. Sesil Karatantcheva
4. Chakvetadze/Pervak vs. Chang/Chuang

Nads and I Are Total BFF

The Ladies talk about their guilty food pleasures.  Not surprisingly, no one asked Dinara because we all know the answer already.

Nadia Petrova: Burger and french fries with everything on it, and Coke. At a nicer restaurant though!

Elena Dementieva: Chips. It’s my favorite bad habit. Potato chips and pizza. The chips are simple – just sea salt. I like to keep it as natural as possible

Vera Zvonareva: My mom makes this Napoleon cake a few times a year…

Liezel Huber: Chips. Not fries, but as in chips from the packet!

Cara Black: My favorite bad food is ice cream!

Sabine Lisicki: Ice cream. Italian ice cream!

Vania King: Fried chicken.

Dominika Cibulkova: A Slovakian dish my grandma cooks called Bryndzove Halusky… it’s potato dumplings with cheese and bacon… and it’s unbelievable.

Bethanie Mattek-Sands: Dark chocolate-covered almonds and sweet potato fries… not together, of course!

Aleksandra Wozniak: My indulgence is chocolates.

Caroline Wozniacki: Crêpes with nutella… it’s SO good.

Ana Ivanovic: Pancakes with nutella!

Michaella Krajicek: Porridge with pieces of chocolate in it. I really love it.

Katarina Srebotnik: Chocolate

Dude.  Nads.  Indian Wells.  You.  Me.  In n Out.

Wow.  That sounded really dirty.  Also dirty?  Whatever the heck Domi is talking about. 

Be What You Be

Nice Reebok video with Amelie. Love those dogs.

Momo Puts On Lip Gloss, Retires

As suspected, Amelie Mauresmo announced her retirement today.

"I don't want to train anymore. I had to make a decision, which became evident in the last few months and weeks. When you grow older, it's more difficult to stay at the top. It's a bit sad, but this is the right decision. I was lucky enough to have an exceptional career and to experience very strong feelings on the court.

If I were able to enter the court, play and shine, of course I could continue, but to achieve this you need to put in such hard work. And I'm not capable of that. I dreamt of this career, I dreamt of winning a Grand Slam title. I lifted trophies in every city in the world and I lived 10 magical and unbelievable years."

Aw, Momes.  Anytime you enter the court and play, you shine.  That's just how it was.  I must say, I wasn't always a Momo fan.  Some of it had to do with my dislike of one-handed backhands (I'm sorry, I don't think they're *that" beautiful) but most of it had to do with that damn scrunchy.  But as her career progressed, it became clear to me that Amelie was just...normal.  She falls in that category of normal people, who pick up tennis, are successful, but have to navigate the absolute insanity of professional tennis without any sense of arrogance, delusion, or, let's be frank, crazy.  I feel like her emotional rollercoaster of a career, with all the pressure put on her by the FFT, by fans, by other players, was the direct result of her normalcy.  I always have sympathy for the normals.  The crazies can have their gazillion titles and accolades.  I'd rather drink with Amelie and talk about Sartre. 

I think we all saw this coming but again, I'm sad she won't get a curtain call.  Personally, I would have loved to have the opportunity to say goodbye at Indian Well, a la Marat.  But I don't think anyone can doubt Amelie on this one.  Where there's no motivation, what's the point?  And what brings me such joy in thinking about Amelie is the fact that I have no doubt that her post-tennis life is going to be something we all envy. 

We're going to miss you, Momes. 

Two Slam titles, #1 in the world, 2004 Olympic Silver medal, and a 2003 Fed Cup Title.

All the while playing as the first high-profile athlete to come out during her career.  A role model for other gay athletes who are too scared to come out for fear of backlash by both fans and sponsors.  I don't think this courageous move can be lauded enough. 

All class, all the time, and a true champion.

End of an Era?

Let's face it, if you had millions of dollars, two awesome dogs, and a cellar full of amazing French wine, why the hell would you put off retirement?

Momo has a press conference scheduled for tomorrow, when she'll presumably announce whether or not she intends to retire.  Here's hoping that she's not just going to pull the plug right now.  I really feel like she deserves a curtain call.  She's so well-liked and I'd really love to see the RG and SW19 crowds send her off.

Air Quotes: Shit, You're Awesome.

"That's for sure the thing that I don't want to make the decision to stop and then after two, six, eight months thinking, shit, I should have you know, it was not quite the time yet."

-- Momo, on retirement.  She says she'll reassess at the end of the season.  I would be really bummed if we didn't get a Momo farewell tour.  I think she deserves one and unlike *some* people, she'd really be moved by how much tennis fans love her.  I would love to see her get a standing ovation at RG or Wimbledon.  She deserves it.

Air Quotes: A Kit Kat For You, Momes.

"You know, it's a matter of being consistent at some point. Unfortunately or fortunately for you guys you have something to write about. She's more consistent than Serena throughout a period of one year. What else can I say? Or you change the ranking system. You just put the Grand Slams really, really high, like many, many points, like ten times more than the other tournaments which are still huge tournaments: Miami, Indian Wells. Those are huge tournaments. Then, okay, you put these tournaments in really back, way, way back, and then you say, Okay, Serena is number 1. Well, I mean, what can I do? What can I say? I saw that Dinara made the statement saying, 'Guys, I'm not making the ranking system. I'm sorry.' She almost has to apologize that she's number 1 now. Give her a break."

Pic This: In Like A Lamb...

Day 1 is on its way into the books. 

And except for a few moments of stress, it was pretty snoozy.

 

Fed won easily, though Devon Britton, the young American, showed some stuff to be excited about.

 

Makiri won easily in her new Adidas Competition gear. 

Hmm...maybe it *was* the clothes.

 

Don't tell Aga, but that ain't a checkmark on her kit.

Yeah, I Don't Know What To Tell You, Sveta

Sveta had a 4-1 lead on Momo in the first set and somehow lost the set 76(9) in a 20 point tiebreak.  From there the two buddies duked it out until Momo won the third set 63.  So basically what we've learned from this match is that Sveta heads into the Open as headcasey as ever.

In the men's night quarterfinal, Chucho took out Serra, 75 64.

So tomorrow's OOP:

 

Bagels and Sticks.

It's nice to see Momo back and gaining some momentum going into NYC.  She 'sticked A-Bond 1 and 1.

And Boots kept the hurt coming during the evening session, as she double bageled Edina Gallovits.

In other warm and fuzzy news, Chakky came back to beat Bammer in three sets, rightfully putting her on the short list for #1.  Recognize.

Oh, and look at that.  Alicia Molik is playing dubs with Megan Shaughnessy.  Well, not anymore.  They lost to the Spaniards.  But nice to see her name again.

Singles - Second Round
(8) Amélie Mauresmo (FRA) d. Alona Bondarenko (UKR) 61 61
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. Sybille Bammer (AUT) 46 64 75

Singles - First Round
(2) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (LL) Edina Gallovits (ROU) 60 60
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 61 62
(6) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 46 63 61
(9) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 67(8) 62 64

Doubles - Quarterfinals
Benesova/Hradecka (CZE/CZE) d. Dekmeijere/U.Radwanska (LAT/POL) 36 62 107

Doubles - First Round
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. (WC) Molik/Shaughnessy (AUS/USA) 61 61
(3) Craybas/Raymond (USA/USA) d. Jans/Rosolska (POL/POL) 63 62

Pic This: Oh Right, I Do Own a Camera

[C Note's Note: As those of you who actually listen to the FD Podcast know, Carrie and Sodapop (and Brodie) are in Toronto for the Rogers Cup for most of the week.  Carrie and Pop will be posting remotely when they're not too busy downing Coronas, fruity liquor, and doing commentary of every single Dina/Z interaction they can get their eyes on.]

And I did have batteries in it yesterday. Unlike Sodapop.  

The black onesie in action... almost losing to a Canadian I'd literally never heard of.

Awesome personified.

Also, we have Ace, the Tennis Canada mascot.  Sodapop has a thing about people in costumes, and it doesn't help that this thing keeps popping up all over the place.  Okay, it's probably also not helpful that I keep taking pictures of it and snickering at her being creeped out.  It is a little weird, though:

Ace watching Amelie/Sveta.

Ace surveying Sammie/Sveta from on high.

Okay, so he maybe is actually the stuff of horror movies.

We have a zillion pictures and some movies from today, but it's late and our connection is slow, so... hasta manana, todos.  

:(

Momo's return was short lived.  She was ousted by Tranny, 62 36 61.

Whatever. You're Still Ugly.

Nice comeback from Ugly Girl.  Drops the first set to Momo and then goes on win the second and fight for the third in a 46 63 64 win.  Welcome to the quarterfinals on your worst surface, Dina. 

And thank you tennis gods for coordinating the awesome fuck you to the Wimbly organizers.  Dina gets dissed throughout the first week, being relegated to the outside courts because she's ugly.  So they finally give up the fight and put her on Center, sandwiched between two high profile matches (Fed and Muzz), presumably to give people a Pimm's break.  And what happens?

First match on Center Court played under the roof. 

Neener neener.

So Dina will meet Boom Boom next.  That's a tasty one.

Pic This: Leapin' Leprechauns

The higher they go, the harder they fall.  Sad for Elfie. 

But he was WAY cute in his presser.


They don't call him Gonzo for nothing.

I actually think I would enjoy watching the Williamses play doubles live.  Not on TV when there's other interesting and important tennis going on, but you know, at other times.

Just because I know boys read this blog.  You're welcome.  I guess.


Sigh.  If only he flipped it.  Next time.


"Uh...hello."


Hey, it's *that* guy!

Most of the time Momo's pics look weird, primarily because she comes under the ball (heh) so much on her forehand and then her one-handed backhand looks nuts if you don't catch it right. 

But then there are pics like this.  Love.


*Yeah* you're in.  My vagina.

Hey, Upper East Siders.  Looks like S dropped in and braved the hot sun in support of Lonely Boy.  All kidding aside though, I've always really liked Kim Sears.  And I *need* that purse.

Nooooo.  No vest.  Bad Muzz.  Bad.

The Sex is in the house, people.  Respect.

Pic This: Around The Horn On Day 2

Day 2 pretty much followed the script from Day 1.  The top seeds played like top seeds, a few moments of heartburn, a few minor upsets.  But all in all, no major shakeups.

The Getty caption to this pic is "Jeremy Chardy serves to Andy Roddick during their first round match...", which...uh, no.  Still a rad pic though.

Momo will vanquish all that stand in her way.  Or...well...at least the one who stood in her way today.  Who knows what'll happen in two days.

Aw...how adorable.  She went ditched the black tape and went with the traditional off-white tape out of respect for Wimbly.  Or something.

And I'm pretty sure that if Martina saw this pic she'd cream herself.  Go Volley!Ana!

Commodus out of the shadows.

I shit you not.  Those are the lyrics to "One Moment In Time" by Whitney Houston. 

That hand belongs to Georgie Stoop, who also admitted to listening to Spin Doctors before taking the court.  Either Georgie Stoop is 40 years old or the early 90's just hit Britain.

Uh...ok.

JJ was complaining about her feet again today.  So go ANTA!

Seriously, Adidas has to be feeling pretty good about themselves.  That or they totally bribed all the photogs to not take pics of their athletes slipping on the grass.

To this day my parents still make fun of me because when I was a kid (and really, up until I was like 14) I always took pictures crouched down on one knee.  I have no idea where that habit came from.  But I'm fairly certain I have a childhood pic that looks exactly like this one.  Minus the racquet and ball.  But I think I was definitely in a skirt.  All class, baby.

Nice.  Why don't they just write "FAIL" up there and leave it up.

Awesome Is In The Building

Yeah, baby.  The Flavs is in full effect.  Didn't get dumped out in the first round, coming back from a set down to 'stick and bagel NLV.

Let us celebrate!  Flying Birds for all!

And of course, the Momes.  Another one I like to see on grass.

Pic This: Awesome Shit From Day 1

And so it begins.  Yet another two weeks of frazzletastic tennis a (what non-tennis fans would call) ridiculous surface.


Have I mentioned lately how awesome Shazza is?  No?  Oh, ok.  CUZ SHE IS.


As is the Flying Falcon, who looks like he can hit a leaping overhead and jack himself off all at the same time.


Momo?  So awesome that even douchey white dudes with popped collars like her.  Her awesomeness knows no demographic bounds.

 
Is Fed awesome?  Depends on the definition of awesome we're using.  But you know what needs no definitional clarification?  Fed's awesome mooseknuckle, which he goes out of his way to show off all the time.  Seriously, I must have at least 15 GOATknuckle shots on my hard drive.


Jay-Z.  Always awesome, even when beating other awesome players.


Wait, how'd This Fucker get on the list?  *shakes fist* Damn you, Sod. 


Nads? Awesome.  That dress?  Not awesome. 

Is that a ruffle bandolier?  Because that would easily be the absolute gayest thing to ever come out of Mexico.


Nipple shoes.  Always awesome.  Because I get to write the word "nipple".


Come on.  The definition of.


Jude Law?  Not awesome.  But who's that I see two seats to the left?  Is that the ever awesome ex-Mr. Jolie JONNY LEE MILLER???  Yes, yes, I think it is.  Someone needs to get me some Eli Stone/Slackers/Edmund Bertrum, stat!


Fed's propensity for statuesque poses.  He makes tennis look pretty.  And fancy. 


Tuxedo's eyebrows.  A-some.


Adidas' new grass shoes, judging by the pictures, are clearly 92% better than Nike shoes.


700,000% awesome.

But What Is That Annoying Sound In The Background?

Wow, you get really close to the action at the Eastbourne practice courts. I want to go to there. Here's Momo and Nads practicing.

Nads and Bethanie

AI practicing with Cahill.

Sveta and CSN.

Cones, Snot Rocket, and the Rads.

Rad, Stosur, and I can only assume Stubbsy there in the background.

JJ with, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, *not* Ricardo Sanchez.

Sniper! Sniper!!!

The seeds went atumbling today.  #2, 3, and 4 are out of Eastbourne. 

I'm not entirely sure how a struggling Chakky beats a well-rested JJ on grass in the first round.  But it happened.  And it was a head scratcher.  JJ blamed the change in surface and lack of motivation:

"It took me a while to get the rhythm out there.  And then for some reason from staying so low and getting those low balls my legs got so tight and so tired, and especially in the third set I didn't have the energy in my legs anymore to bend down."

"It was obviously my first match on grass. I'll play Wimbledon and then we'll see. At least I can take a few weeks off then. I wish I could take a break now. I need to get to where I want to play tennis again."

Yikes.

Another head scratcher?  Not that Kuz lost to CanWoz, but that she got bageled in the first set and only took three games off of her.  But we'll cut The Kuz some slack here.  She's not a robot:

"I played for two months on clay and I have it almost in my blood.  I don't have to think about the tactics. I know how to defend, how to attack and what time; how to serve and this and that. And on this surface, everything is opposite. For me, it's too much to change in three days."

The less shocking upset of the day was Momo over Bepa in three.  Nice to see that while Bepa has added much needed strapping to her ankles, she has not gone away from her Casper routine.  I'm just shocked her towel wasn't blue.  Then she'd be *completely* invisible, just like she likes it.

Also losing today? Domi, Sorana, and AKO.  You know who didn't lose?  Dina, who bageled and 3'd ALG.  And no I'm not surprised that it's been over 2 hours since that match ended and there is no story in my newsfeed abou this.

As for the boys, both the top two seeds are out of Eastbourne S'Hitogenbosch.  Fer, lover of grass, lost to Benjamin Becker and Tommy Boredo (I can call him that now that we're off clay) lost to MAR-COS BagDAHtis *clapclapclapclapclap*.

Over in Eastbourne, Igor (top seeded Igor?) followed his ladyfriend out of the tournament,  losing to Fancy Dancy.  Nice day for the Canucks.

Eastbourne Results

Women
Singles – First Round

Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. (2/WC) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 60 63
Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) d. (3) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) 67(5) 63 62
Amélie Mauresmo (FRA) d. (4) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 63 16 63
(6) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 63 62
(8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. (Q) Urszula Radwanska (POL) 61 61
Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 63 61
(Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 67(6) 75 64
(Q) Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) d. (Q) Jarmila Groth (SVK) 76(7) 61

Doubles – First Round
(4) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. Chuang/Mirza (TPE/IND) 75 64
Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Senoglu/Yan (TUR/CHN) 61 64
King/Zheng (USA/CHN) d. Kleybanova/Makarova (RUS/RUS) 76(7) 63

Men
Singles - Second Round
[4] F Santoro (FRA) d R Ginepri (USA) 46 64 61
[8] G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d Y Lu (TPE) 64 67(0) 76(3)
I Ljubicic (CRO) d [WC] J Goodall (GBR) 63 75
J Tipsarevic (SRB) d [Q] B Klein (AUS) 76(5) 61

Singles - First Round
[Q] F Dancevic (CAN) d [1] I Andreev (RUS) 76(6) 62
J Benneteau (FRA) d [5] M Youzhny (RUS) 46 64 64

Doubles - First Round
M Fyrstenberg (POL) / M Matkowski (POL) d [1] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) 61 76(3)
L Arnold Ker (ARG) / M Kohlmann (GER) d A Seppi (ITA) / L Zovko (CRO) 64 36 10-6
[WC] C Fleming (GBR) / K Skupski (GBR) d M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) 64 46 10-8
J Coetzee (RSA) / J Kerr (AUS) d J Benneteau (FRA) / F Santoro (FRA) 62 61
[3] B Soares (BRA) / K Ullyett (ZIM) vs [WC] J Erlich (ISR) / J Murray (GBR) 46 76(6) - to finish Wednesday

S'Hitogenbosch Results

Women:
Singles - Second Round
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Ksenia Pervak (RUS) 61 61
(WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (4) Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 64 63
Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) d. (7) Iveta Benesova (CZE) 63 61
Kristina Barrois (GER) d. (WC) Michaella Krajicek (NED) 64 63

Singles - First Round

(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) 60 63
Nathalie Dechy (FRA) d. (2) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 63 36 63
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. Stéphanie Foretz (FRA) 64 67(1) 63

Doubles - First Round
Lefèvre/Védy (FRA/FRA) d. (WC) Flipkens/Kerkhove (BEL/NED) 62 64

Men:
Singles - Second Round
[Q] B Becker (GER) d [1] F Verdasco (ESP) 75 76(4)
D Sela (ISR) d [5] I Kunitsyn (RUS) 64 63
I Navarro (ESP) d [6] M Gicquel (FRA) 64 36 75
M Llodra (FRA)d [Q] K Vliegen (BEL) vs 62 63

Singles - First Round
M Baghdatis (CYP) d [2] T Robredo (ESP) 75 62
[Q] T de Bakker (NED) d B Phau (GER) 76(3) 26 63

Doubles - First Round
[1] W Moodie (RSA) / D Norman (BEL) d [WC] T de Bakker (NED) / J Huta Galung (NED) 64 76(5)
[WC] R Sluiter (NED) / P Wessels (NED) d [2] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) 76(3) 67(4) 10-4
[3] C Kas (GER) / P Petzschner (GER) d O Hernandez (ESP) / F Verdasco (ESP) 67(2) 63 10-8
J Brunstrom (SWE) / J Rojer (AHO) d D Vemic (SRB) / M Zverev (GER) 76(8) 62
O Marach (AUT) / D Skoch (CZE) d P Andujar (ESP) / D Ferrer (ESP) 62 63
A Clement (FRA) / M Gicquel (FRA) d R Wassen (NED) / I Zelenay (SVK) 64 62

Pic This: RG Day 1

The RG Sunday start.  Nothing quite like it.


Not a great day for French ladies.  Mathilde blew 8 match points, all on her serve, double faulting on half them. 

Yeah, a bit nervy these French, no?


Uh uh.  No one gets into Allison "Mom Jeans" Lang's face.  No one.


Fired up Gilly is the hottest Gilly of all.


Quietly confident Muzz is most def the hottest Muzz of all.


Fed must have gotten a haircut.  Cuz I think he's cute again.

As for Pico...yeah....


 Yin and Yang. 

I just love Daveed's totally zen "Come to Jesus" look.  HOT.

 
Nice little keg you got going there, Lleyton.


Baby E's pigeontoedness can't be helping.  Still...I want her tan.


That is some impressive sweating, Ernie.  Well done.


ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?

A Post That Gives Me No Joy.

There is no joy in Mudville.  Our vaunted Momo has fallen to ALG in straights, 64 63. 

And so the Paris curse continues.

Viko won easily, beating Vinci 4 and 2.  And she's rocking the 80s headband too.  I'm too sad to make fun of her. 

But if I wasn't, I would. 

Air Quotes: She's A Charmer.

"If I only knew."

-- Momo, in response to a question on what the key is for her to win RG.

Players Who Suck Take The Practice Court

How dare you show your face around these parts?  Loser.


I would kill for those legs.


I had to do a double take to recognize who this was. 


Gael is questionable for RG. He said he's hoping for a miracle in the next 6 days.  Then again he's such a drama queen, though, considering he's French, isn't saying much.


Aww...Americans on clay.  They try so hard but it still doesn't look right.


Pretty.


Anyone know what his shirt says? 

(Pics from RG website)

Team Adidas Invites Amelie To The Party

 

Fist pumps for all!

Here are your Madrid semifinalists, with Patty pulling her second big upset in two weeks, beating JJ in straight sets.  Tough loss for JJ.  Tougher loss for me as I was really looking forward to seeing a JJ/Dina final.

And Then There Was One.

"You're hot and your cold, you're yes and you're no, you're in and your out, you're up and you're down."

Lena, Kuz, and Nads, 3 of 4 Russians in the top 10, go crashing out of Madrid today.  Lena took the first set 61 from Amelie, then proceeded to "Pull a Lena" and lose the next two 64 62.  Kuz meanwhile ran out of steam both physically and mentally, losing in straights to A Bond.  I guess a letdown was inevitable, but come on.  Alona?  Bondarenko?  She's not even the *good* Bondarenko.

But can I get a what what for Momo?  She crushed Lena even while lactating.  Or something.  Sheesh.  You're officially on my headlight list, Momes, right after Dani and Venus.  Lock it down, honey.

And in Faux #1 news, Baby Blue took out Nails in straights.  Nice.  Though she would later withdraw from dubs citing a right knee injury.  Quit copying your BFF, Dina.  Come up with your own fake injury.

Singles - Third Round
Amelie Mauresmo (FRA) d. (3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) 16 64 62
Patty Schnyder (SUI) d. (8) Nadia Petrova (RUS) 64 67(2) 76(5)
(Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. Francesca Schiavone (ITA) 63 46 62

Singles - Second Round
(1) Dinara Safina (RUS) d. Li Na (CHN) 63 76(2)
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) d. (6) Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) 63 62
(7) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 64 61

Doubles - Second Round
Chuang/Mirza (TPE/IND) d. (2) Medina Garrigues/Ruano Pascual (ESP/ESP)
76(4) 46 107
(4) Stosur/Stubbs (AUS/AUS) d. King/Niculescu (USA/ROU) 60 62
(5) Llagostera Vives/Martinez Sanchez (ESP/ESP) d. (WC) Safina/Szavay (RUS/HUN) w/o (Safina: right knee injury)
(7) Hantuchova/Sugiyama (SVK/JPN) d. Bondarenko/Bondarenko (UKR/UKR)
06 62 101

Pic This: Madrid, Marat, Marriage, and Momo.

According to his Twitter feed, Muzz practiced with Rafa today, which provides a perfect segueway into posting Madrid practice pics.


In other bromance news, Fed practiced with his favorite doormat.  Surely they talked about how the sex has already become unimaginative and infrequent, no?


Fed channeling Daveed?


Momo being awesome.


Marat and Tommy.  I've never really got the "Tommy Haas is so hot" thing.  Meh.

Who Dares Oust Momo?!?

Serena's draw opens up a bit with Nails' loss to Bammer (though a healed Bammer on clay could prove tough, too).  Tough loss for AKO to CSN.  But the news of the day was Momo's three-set loss to Martinez Sanchez.  Too bad.  A Momo/Mono second rounder would have been fun.

Singles - First Round
(11) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 60 76(3)
(16) Kaia Kanepi (EST) d. (Q) Vania King (USA) 64 63
Patty Schnyder (SUI) d. (Q) Mariana Duque Marino (COL) 76(1) 63
Carla Suarez Navarro (ESP) d. Anne Keothavong (GBR) 76(5) 64
Sybille Bammer (AUT) d. Li Na (CHN) 76(3) 46 63
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Vera Dushevina (RUS) 64 61
Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. (Q) Alberta Brianti (ITA) 63 64
Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez (ESP) d. Amelie Mauresmo (FRA) 46 76(4) 62
Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. (Q) Mariya Koryttseva (UKR) 76(5) 62
(Q) Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) d. Samantha Stosur (AUS) 64 62
(Q) Ayumi Morita (JPN) d. Monica Niculescu (ROU) 61 63

Doubles - First Round
(8) Azarenka/Vesnina (BLR/RUS) d. Garbin/Vinci (ITA/ITA) 62 62
Bondarenko/Bondarenko (UKR/UKR) d. Errani/Knapp (ITA/ITA) 46 76(4) 103
Dechy/Santangelo (FRA/ITA) d. (WC) Burnett/Moroni (ITA/ITA) 63 62
Craybas/Ditty (USA/USA) d. Bachmann/Henke (GER/GER) 64 60
A.Radwanska/Szavay (POL/HUN) d. (WC) Chieppa/Vierin (ITA/ITA) 62 61

Sigh. Sorry, Pete, But Are You Even Trying Anymore?

 
From his most recent post on Fed Cup:

This weekend, Serbia had to fight its way back into the World Group, despite having Jelena Jankovic and Ana Ivanovic on the squad. Also this weekend, talent-laden but unpredictable France re-inserted itself into the Word Group in yet another match decided by the fifth rubber (the doubles) .

*head scratching*

Uh, doesn't that assume that Serbia WAS EVER IN the World Group?  Doesn't it also seem to assume that France had already been relegated to World Group II?

Maybe I'm just uber-defensive lately but doesn't that seem like a cap on Team Serbia?  Like, "They suck so bad that they lost their World Group status and had to fight back into the elite group EVEN THOUGH they have SUPPOSEDLY elite level players (WHO SUCK) in JJ and Ana."

Dude, if you want to cap on the Serbs be my guest.  But at least do it when they've done something wrong as opposed to, oh I don't know, CARRY THEIR COUNTRY FROM ZONAL GROUP TO WORLD GROUP I for the past 2 years?  This was a great accomplishment for them (not to mention individually for Ana and JJ to beat Spain in Spain on clay when both are supposedly struggling and Ana hadn't played on clay for a year) and I can't help but get annoyed when I see someone trying to take swipes.

So yeah.  Come on! [/GOB]

Fed Cup Foto Fun

Sigh.  I'm really sad that I was too drunk and hungover to enjoy this round of Fed Cup in any meaningful way.  I guess I'll just have to piece it all together CSI style:

  
I love how JJ gets away with this shit.  Classic.


"Pop the corks, boys.  Mama's thirsty!"


Sigh.  Oh, Chakky.


"It's the one that says 'BADASS MUTHAFUCKA', motherfucker!"

 
"Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry."


Heeeeeeeeere's Kimmy!

(Also, I'm pretty sure there's a gyno joke I could make but seriously,
I'm not firing on all cylinders quite yet.)

 
Rad!


"Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!"


It takes a pretty dress and a million dollar smile, too.


Huh?  What's Bepa doing here?


All that's missing is a can of Fosters.


Liezel rocks her O face.


Heh.  Heh heh.  The world is changing, indeed.
 

Acne, cold sores, and manhands.  I don't think you're ready for this jelly, World Group.

French Wall

"You're gonna have to get through me first."

The Cone collapsed, Momo stood tall, and Slovakia gave it their all.  And in the end, France avoided relegation by taking the tie 3-2.

Poor Cone.  Is there any other player right now that has lost so many close matches?  She lost the first rubber to Dani 67 63 64, and the third rubber to Domi 62 57 64.  She's now 0-6 in Fed Cup.

Which meant it all rested on the strong shoulders of Momes.  She took her singles rubbers over Dani (75 64) and Domi (46 62 63), then teamed up with Natalie Dechy to beat Dani/Domi 46 61 64.

So congrats to the Pastries.  They're the only team in the playoffs not to get relegated.

Is It A Coincidence That Dinah Shore Was This Weekend?

Huzzah, Kuz and Momo!  Congrats on your dubs win.  You're the feel good team (well...next to Dani/Ai) of the year.  Much love, ladies. 

MUCH LOVE.

Oh, Honey. You Need To Leave Vegas.

Is that a poorly placed tat I see on Boots?  I'm not convinced that thing is even on her hip.  It's like an inch and a half from her belly button.
 
Boots and Sorana, the two ladies holding it down for the Adidas Player Development Program, lost to Momo and Sveta, the two ladies holding it down for...well...something else.

Can we give the sportsmanship award to these two?  I kinda love them.  They were hilarious at IW apparently.  Sveta kept fucking up in a very epic way and Momo kept laughing at her.

Also, I'm kinda starting to think the APDP is a curse this year.  I don't know, we'll see if my theory pans out this week.  But something tells me they don't pick up many racquets when they're training in Vegas.  I mean, it's fine that y'all are fit and everything, but if you can't hit the ball between the lines (OR TO FEDERER'S BACKHAND), you're not really going to "develop" per se.

Maybe they'll prove me wrong.  But Sorana already lost her first rounder yesterday.

Random Smatterings From Around The IW Grounds

I will always, always, always love Agi's "who farted" face.  It pwns.

 
Rafa's butt.

Muzz looking good in red while practicing with a shirted (!) Ross.

The Kaiser of Techno trying to jog off his loss to Fer.

Dani heading to practice.

MaKiri noshing on a Drumstick while on her way to watch Igor play Lubey.

"Is now a good time for an autograph?  Oh you can't hear me?  Cool."

New Forty Deuce fave Anastasia Pavlychenkova.  That's the last time you'll see me spell that.  She shall heretoforth be known as "Latisha".  Look it up.

Momes having a grand ole time, playing soccer and pulling a Chastain.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

Pic This: It's Friday, I'm In Love

 

The Blair Witch Project 2.0

Notwithstanding the odd editorial decision of filming Blair Witch Style, here's a nice little preview of the Indian Wells tennis grounds. Also some footage of Momo and Ana practicing. Love that her toss is still all over the place. For the record, that is like, 20x more people watching her practice compared to last year.

Wait for me Marcin! Wait for me!

"There's a new world for the winning, There's a new world to be won, Do you hear the people sing?

God, what is it with the French and the drama?

Well Momo, you brought a lot of joie and smiles to the hearts and faces of many a tennis fan today.  I dare say even Lena fans can't be all that mad at you.  You fought it out, you weathered the storms, and in the end your talent overtook your headcasiness.  Much deserved, woman.  Welcome back to the top 20.  This is her first title since 2007 and what a way to win it.  Wins over JJ (#3), Lena (#4), and A-Rad (#10) on her way.

As for Lena, what was up with her weirdness today?  She was acting way more exasperated and emotional than compare to her entire stint in Australia.  Was the it the presence of Mama Vera?  Was it her frustration because she thought this was an easily winnable match?  I mean, you blew a 4-2 lead in the first set, had match set point in the tie-breaker, and after battling Amelie back in the second set, you still couldn't close it out.  Lena just could not deal with the variety off Amelie's racquet.  Heck, this might not have been as close a match if Momo didn't muff a bunch of easy backhand volleys.

Anyway, Lena will look for redemption in Dubai.  Momo on the other hand has withdrawn.  She would have had to hop on a plane and be prepared to play tomorrow.

A Return To Form

Feel the love, Amelie.  Feel it.

It's Valentine's Day.  Momo's wearing red.  And she's in the City of Love.

Was there any way this wasn't going to happen?

62 06 61.  That was the scoreline of Momo's quasi-demolishing of JJ in Paris this morning.  She was (second set notwithstanding) effervescent.  Amazing movement and just flawless play.  I thought my eyes were deceiving me.  As for JJ, she wasn't playing horribly, but she's definitely missing more shots these days, which her game can't afford.

She'll face Lena in the final, who won in a walkover when Serena withdrew with a bum knee that she claims got tight during her match with Loit.  WTF? Serena.  Withdrawing to protect herself for Dubai?  To protect ego?  Cuz she just didn't feel like playing Elena?  What's going on here?  Muzz has a bum foot an has withdrawn from next week's tourney in Marseille.  Doesn't mean he's withdrawn from the final in Rotterdam. 

Whatever.  It's no use trying to get in that girl's head.

Look who else had a nice run this week.  Welcome to the finals, Sania!  She beat Rybarikova 64 57 61 and will face Bepa in the final. 

Appendectomy? What Appendectomy?

Momes!  Where you been, dude?

It brings a smile to my face to see her into the semis of a Premier tournament.  And she's not really scrapping her way through.  By all accounts she's been fairly spectacular and the beautiful all court game is back.  I mean, she just beat A-Rad 2 and 0.  Jigga what?

But does she have enough to beat a semi-struggling JJ?  Yet another three setter, this time against The Cone, who seriously should be considering some seppuku with the way her year has gone so far.  She took the first set off JJ 75 and went on to drop the next two 64 64.  That is rough.  But maybe she took just enough out of JJ to even up the match with Momo tomorrow.  Those Frenchies.  Loyal to no one but each other.  And even then, not so much.

Just a quick thought on JJ.  Wasn't all that strength and conditioning work she did over the off-season supposed to amp up her game so that she wasn't playing these ridiculous three setters?  Much like Rafa, she's such a grinder that she really needs to get off the court in the early rounds to save her body over the long haul.  Tourneys like this one aren't good for her.  Not that she cares.  It's not like this is a European tournament. 

Oh wait.

The other semifinal will see BFFs together again.  These two just can't get enough of each other.  They've both been rolling through their draws but I'm going to give the edge to Lena.  Why?  Because she has the game to frustrate Serena and this isn't a Slam so she won't get all nervy and wuss out.

But we gonna see.

Scores:
(1) Serena Williams (USA) d. (Q) Emilie Loit (FRA) 64 61
(2/WC) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. (5) Alizé Cornet (FRA) 57 64 64
(3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. (WC) Nathalie Dechy (FRA) 63 62
(8) Amélie Mauresmo (FRA) d. (4) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 62 60

What ISN'T An Obsene Gesture When France Plays Italy?

Drama in the France/Italy match:

Former world number one Amelie Mauresmo was furious with Flavia Pennetta after her Italian rival appeared to insult the umpire along the way to a Fed Cup opening-day success on Saturday.

Pennetta won a knife-edge encounter 2-6, 7-6 (9/7), 6-4 in Orleans, northern France, to give the visitors a 1-0 lead in their Fed Cup World Group One tie.

But Mauresmo said she felt Pennetta should have been kicked out after appearing to insult the chair after a shot she thought was good was ruled out in the crucial second set tiebreak.

"At that moment, I didn't really see and cotton on," said Mauresmo, who indicated that when she did look up Pennetta appeared to have mouthed an insult at the chair, flicking her middle finger for good measure.

"She gave the finger - she should have been removed right away," insisted former Wimbledon and Australian Open champion Mauresmo.

The point gave the Frenchwoman a match point but in the hullabaloo she served up a double fault and then slumped to defeat.

Pennetta, who did receive a warning for her conduct, said she was sorry afterwards.

"I am not pleased with myself but that's the first time such a thing has happened to me - it was a gruelling match from the start and I lost control as I really thought the ball was in," said the Italian.

French skipper Nicolas Escude was angry that the Italian was not handed a stiffer penalty.

"It's amazing. When (former French footballer Zinedine) Zidane loses it he gets sent off. Great, everything's possible. Magnificent, you can do as you like," Escude said in allusion to Pennetta.

Phew!

Serbia 2, Japan 0

It was a little touch and go there and Ana's still serving like crap, but she somehow came away with a 64 64 win over Ai to kick off Team Serbia's 2009 campaign to get into World Group I.  JJ had a much easier go, beating Morumi 61 60.  So Serbia is 2-0 and they'll kick off the reverse singles with JJ/Ai (rematch of AO) and then, if necessary, Ana/Morumi.  At this point it wouldn't surprise me if Ana took the match just for the court time.  Let's also hope that the girls stick it out for doubles in front of the home crowd.

Italy 2, France 0

The drama tie so far has to be Italy/France.  Even though Italy has a 2-0 lead, it didn't come easily.  Flavia came back from a set down to beat Momo 26 76(7) 64.  Great win for Flavs.  Maybe this will kick start her season.  But sad face for Momo.  She really should have taken this in straights.

You know there's drama whenever The Cone is involved.  It's like horseshoes and hand grenades.  She lost to Tranny, 61 26 86 in match that lasted over two hours.

Slovak Republic 2, Belgium 0

 
SuperGirl returned and took her match in straights over Wickmayer, 76(2) 63.  And Domi took out The Flipper, 76(4) 61.  Looks like they're well on their way in advancing to play the winner of Germany/Switzerland. Dur.  Nevermind.

Russia 2, China 0

Duh.

Germany 1, Switzerland 1

The two split Day 1 but Day 2 should be the interesting one.  Lisicki will play Patty and ALG will play Timea.  You have to think ALG has the game to beat Timea easily, which means the Swiss hopes are all on Patty to beat Sabine.  That should be a fun match, actually.

As a side note, can someone tell Sabine that she's not a figure skater, nor is she a teenage aspiring fashion designer brat kid sister in Manhattan either.  Lay.  Off.  The Eye Makeup.

Czech Republic 1, Spain 1

Petra Kvitova had a nice win over CSN, holding off a late comeback charge, 64 64.  But perrenial midriff flaunter Iveta couldn't keep her lead, eventually losing to Llagostera Vives 16 61 64.  Still, you have to think Spain has this one given their doubles prowess.

Ukraine 1, Israel 1

Shahar Peer is one of those players that always scares me in Fed Cup.  Like she kicks it into a whole different gear when you slap that flag on her back.  Must be the military training.  Anyway, she kept Israel in the hunt by beating K Bond 63 67(6) 63.  The winner of this tie will play Serbia (if Serbia wins).

Pastries of the World, Unite!

 

Could this be the year France finally puts it all together?  Gilly, LaMonf, and Jo, all had to fight a big but they all got through in four sets, with Jo having a particularly tricky match with Lubes.  Reeshie had an easier go with a straight set win.  He takes on Gonzo next.

And Momo keep on keeping on, beating Baltacha in three sets.  She takes on the red hot Vika next.

Vive La France

A reluctant congrats to France who are so far having a solid tournament after two rounds.  Cornet, Dechy, Mono, and Mathieu won yesterday and the big names took care of business today and Julie Coin is on court against Vesnina, leading 4-1 in the first set.  A plate of Freedom Fries to you all!

Momo and Gilles had easy straight set wins today.   Momo took out Olga Govortsova, 64 63, and Gilles had a quick day, winning 64 61 61.  Monfils had a bit of tough go in the third, but he came back to take it in straights, 61 63 75.

But the story of the day was Reeshie, who's balls finally dropped in the sweltering heat of Australia.  The kid looked like absolute crap in the first set, losing to a Ron Jeremy look-alike, 76(5).  But then he finally got pissed at himself and at the world, threw a racquet, and refocused to take the next three sets, 76(3) 63 64.

Nice job, Baby Fed.  But please don't emulate your namesake.  Keep the shirt on: