Forty Deuce

Things Get Vaguely Interesting

Okay, not really, I guess.  But come on, Radwanska/Cornet?  That's a solid match.  On paper.  Maybe.  And Anna-Lena Groenfeld somehow took Flavia to three sets.  They're trying.  Halfheartedly.

Seriously, I'm perfectly pleased at how these tournaments are progressing, there's just not much to say about Lucie Safarova beating U.Rad.  Or Sam Stosur beating Akiko Morigami.  Okay, maybe there's something to say about that, Sam winning is a rare enough sight these days.

Linz

Singles - Second Round
(1) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Anna-Lena Groenfeld (GER) 63 46 62
(2) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 64 75
(3/WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. Alexandra Dulgheru (ROU) 26 63 61
(7) Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Urszula Radwanska (POL) 64 64
Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) d. (Q) Julia Goerges (GER) 36 62 75

Osaka

[1] Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Katie O'Brien (GBR) 60 61

[6] Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. K Chang (TPE) 75 76(2)

[3] Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Akiko Morigami (JPN) 61 62

Jill Craybas (USA) d. Mathilde Johansson (FRA) 26 62 60

Still Waiting...

Okay, a seed lost today in Linz.  But it was Iveta Benesova.  To Petra Kvitova.  I... don't know what to say.  I guess I'm mildly surprised that Sybille Bammer lost to Alexandra Dulgheru, but I don't know if that's reasonable or not.  Same with Alize Cornet winning a(nother) match.

In Osaka, Sania won again, which makes this a nice little tournament for her.  And Franny mysteriously got bageled in the second by Yung-Jan Chan before wrapping it up in three.  WTF, Franny?

I can't even find any pictures from today.  Well, not that I'm bothered to look very hard.  

Linz

Singles - Second Round
(4) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) d. Olga Govortsova (BLR) 63 64
Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. (5) Iveta Benesova (CZE) 64 75
(8) Sara Errani (ITA) d. Tatjana Malek (GER) 63 60

Singles - First Round
(2) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Monica Niculescu (ROU) 64 62
(3/WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. Timea Bacsinszky (SUI) 76(6) 64
Alizé Cornet (FRA) d. Kristina Barrois (GER) 46 63 63

Osaka

Singles - Second Round
(2) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. (WC) Kurumi Nara (JPN) 61 61
(4) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. Chan Yung-Jan (TPE) 63 06 63
(7) Melinda Czink (HUN) d. Vania King (USA) 64 62
Sania Mirza (IND) d. Viktoriya Kutuzova (UKR) 64 63
Alexandra Dulgheru (ROU) d. Sybille Bammer (AUT) 63 61

Pic This: High on a Hill with a Lonely Goatherd...

Oh, man, Linz's costume party is just the best.  Does anyone know if they get to pick out their own dirndls?

Somehow, her hair really makes this.

 

On grass, indeed.

 

I am very sure I saw her at a junior ice dance competition this year.

 

This is just too much.

Wandered off the set of the remake of Heidi?

 

Looks like the party included a reenactment of this scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off:

 

"Danke schoen... Darlin', danke schoen..."

Well, there's always a fucking party pooper.

Pic This: Scenes From A Cone Match

The Cone made her triumphant return by losing to Jay-Z after taking the first set 61.  It was pretty cool.  I miss Alize, if only because win or lose, her match pictures are so...French.

 

My favorite one after the jump.

Cool As A Cucumber

Sam reminds me of my dog.  Mainly because if Chase, who is piss-in-his-pants shy, could hide behind sunglasses all the time, he totally would.  And no, I do not make my dog wear pants.

 

Sam kept her cool after dropping the first set in a tight tiebreaker, 10-8, to come back and take out the Cone, who was hilariously Coney as usual. 

The WTA: Now With 100% Less Dan Brown

Giggles at Twilight, Gone With The Wind, and Elena not answering the question.

I Don't Know, Cones. You Might Want To Start Thinking About It.

"Now I'm Free....Free Fallin..."

Nikki V and Alize lose in straight sets in the first round of Prague and Palermo, disrespectfully.  Granted Nikki lost to Alla, who occasionally has game, and Cone lost to Cheater, who is riding a wave of Cheat-tastic momentum.  But still.  Can we stick a fork in those two yet?

And FYI, despite reports from the Czech media that they broke up, Steps was in Prague watching Nikki crash and burn.  You know, it's just like The Sex to be there in a young ingenue's desperate time of need.  He's thoughtful that way.

Also, ALG upset Olivia in Palermo.  Forza Flavia!

Prague:

Singles - First Round
(3) Iveta Benesova (CZE) d. (WC) Karolina Pliskova (CZE) 67(5) 61 63
Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) d. (5) Alona Bondarenko (UKR) 61 63
(Q) Timea Bacsinszky (SUI) d. (6) Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) 62 76(5)
(7) Lucie Hradecka (CZE) d. (Q) Ksenia Pervak (RUS) 63 62
(8) Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. Anna Lapushchenkova (RUS) 61 60
Kristina Barrois (GER) d. Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 57 61 75
Monica Niculescu (ROU) d. Katie O'Brien (GBR) 63 62
Polona Hercog (SLO) d. Klara Zakopalova (CZE) 75 64
Stefanie Voegele (SUI) d. (Q) Petra Martic (CRO) 36 64 63
Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) d. Nicole Vaidisova (CZE) 75 62
Karolina Sprem (CRO) d. Tatjana Malek (GER) 63 62
(WC) Zarina Diyas (KAZ) d. (Q) Kristina Mladenovic (FRA) 64 61

Doubles - First Round
(1) Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova (CZE/CZE) d. Daniilidou/Woehr (GRE/GER)
64 62
(2) Bondarenko/Bondarenko (UKR/UKR) d. Kapshay/Pironkova (UKR/BUL)
75 64
Rybarikova/Voracova (SVK/CZE) d. O'Brien/Tatishvili (GBR/GEO) 64 64

Prague:

Singles - First Round
(1) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Arantxa Parra Santonja (ESP) 62 63
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. (3) Alizé Cornet (FRA) 62 62
(5) Sara Errani (ITA) d. Mariya Koryttseva (UKR) 64 64
(6) Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) d. Jill Craybas (USA) 63 61
Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) d. (8) Gisela Dulko (ARG) 64 61
Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) d. (WC) Nathalie Vierin (ITA) 63 62
Tathiana Garbin (ITA) d. Edina Gallovits (ROU) 64 75
Patricia Mayr (AUT) d. (Q) Olga Savchuk (UKR) 64 64
Nuria Llagostera Vives (ESP) d. Masa Zec Peskiric (SLO) 36 64 62
(Q) Arantxa Rus (NED) d. (WC) Anna Floris (ITA) 76(3) 64

Doubles - First Round
Begu/Marrero (ROU/ESP) d. (1) Groenefeld/Schnyder (GER/SUI) 64 46 119

I've Run Out Of Cone Puns. Basically, She Sucks.

She lost to Shahar, 60 62, in Budapest.  Please to let me repeat. 

She lost to Shahar Peer on clay, getting bageled along the way.  Talk about somebody who's gone completely off the rails.

Casper And The Cone Keep Me On The Edge Of My Seat.

Play has been suspended for the day and four matches are in progress. 

Of particular note, we have the curious case of Casper, who is in a bit of a dogfight with Georgie Stoop (seriously, awesome name).  They've split two close sets (76 46) and will play the third in full tomorrow.  I'm fairly certain the pic above was her reaction after winning the first set 7-0 in the tiebreaker.  Curious, indeed.

And in a brewing "upset" The Cone took the first set off Vera Dushevina got bageled in the second, and is now a break down at 4-2 in the third.  Oh, Cone.  Why in the world do I still care?  I'm not even sure I'm actually a fan of yours yet you keep me hangin' on [cue Kim Wilde].

The other two suspended matches have Tommy Haas up two sets to one and on serve 4-4 in the fourth, and mkeller favorite Michael Llodra has split the first two sets with Josh Goodall.

But What Is That Annoying Sound In The Background?

Wow, you get really close to the action at the Eastbourne practice courts. I want to go to there. Here's Momo and Nads practicing.

Nads and Bethanie

AI practicing with Cahill.

Sveta and CSN.

Cones, Snot Rocket, and the Rads.

Rad, Stosur, and I can only assume Stubbsy there in the background.

JJ with, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, *not* Ricardo Sanchez.

Pic This: It Finally Gets Interesting

Get ready, Paris.  If you hated Shrieka, you're going to hate this one.

Disco Cone won a match!  And gave an awesome presser to boot.

...

...

...

I'm sorry.  What were we talking about?  My mind wandered.

Uh.  Ok.

Yes, we can smell what Marat is cooking.  And it smells like a big pile of bullshit.

I don't know why I thought Jay-Z would do well here. 

It's ok, Purple One.  Go get ready for Wimbly.

Le sigh.  Love you.

I look through a lot of tennis pictures everyday.  And the reality is that these players are so technically sound that it becomes rare that you see an action shot of a player that looks new. 

This one looked new.  Her face isn't all contorted, she's balanced, and she's statuesque. 

Love it.

Agnes rockin the punk Fila dress.  She won!  I can't really explain my affinity for Agnes. But I'm really happy she's winning again.

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'...

I really kind of meant it in a "lookit all those straight set wins" kind of way, but then I found this...

... and this...

Ha.

That, of course, is the pride of Great Britain, taking a dive on his way to a tough 4-set victory over Potito Starace.  It's a good sign that he could tough out a win on a surface he's clearly uncomfortable on, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that RG 2009 is not where Muzz is going to have his Grand Slam breakthrough.  His next match, where he'll face either F-Lo or Tipsy, could be a real struggle for him.

Back to all those straight setters... Nando, Gilly, Marin, Gonzo and Victor Hanescu (okay...) are all through to the third round in straight sets.  Nando, Gilly, Gonzo and Marin had almost absurdly easy times of it out there, with Gilly in particular picking up speed as the match progressed.  Good for him, it would be great for him to be able to turn around his season a little at his home Slam.  Arnaud Clement, C-Roch and Nico Almagro are through in 4, the latter meaning that-- of course-- we must say goodbye to Ernie.  Oh Ernie.

On the women's side, Kristina Barrois is gunning for my personal "least favourite person" award for failing to take out Vika, even after being up two breaks in the first.  Oh well.  Agnes had an impressive 0 and 2 win over Lena V and Nails also had a competent win (1 and 4) over Timea Bacsinszky (known to me as the only player who wears more makeup than JJ).  The Cone managed to finish off her match from yesterday in 2, so good for her.  Pavs is also through, headband and all, in two sets over Julie Coin.

(Sorry for the rushed, picture-free quality of this post; I've got my goddaughter the rest of the day and somehow her mother didn't think "watch TV with Aunt Carrie" was the best idea for an activity.  Bummer.)

Pic This: And By Rabbit I Mean Rochus.

Yucky day.  Wet and windy conditions for all.  Not that it really had any impact on play.  Overall, kind of a boring day on the courts.


Hold up.  He ain't done yet, folks.  Let's see if he can pull a rabbit out of his hat tomorrow.


Snot Rocket and furry friends scampered away with a win.  Thank God.  I was getting worried.


I am digging the yellow that Nike's rocking for the boys.  So fresh and so clean.


Fed is balletic, Rafa is powerful, but for my money, Nole has the best action shots in the biz.  And if I haven't said it yet, mucho kudos to Adidas on their choice of blue for the clay court season.  It looks fantastic against the red clay.


Oh, Gypsy.  I want so badly to hate you, especially when you bounce Dani "Just Give Her A Damn Chocolate Tart" Hantuchova. But then you smile that dorky but sweet smile and not even my hater heart can...well...hate.


I'm gonna go out on a limb and say those are some British fans. 

I don't know what gave it away...


Dear Cone.  Please win tomorrow.  I miss your "Sacrebleu!" game faces.


I could stare at those long gangly Elf arms all. day. long.


One word.  700,000 syllables. 

Comfortability.


I'm not sure beating Blah on clay is worth "shitting the pants" but ok.


Jo Belly!


Phillipe Chatrier is officially christened.

Bring on Round 2!

Confidences

Ugh, is this going to be this year's "karaoke"?  I guess it's a little better than the photo booth last year, but it's still not as good as Rafa bopping around to "La Bamba".  There's some interesting info, I guess (I didn't realize that Tomas and Lucie had been together six years already... aren't they like 14?) but so far The Cone's is definitely the best.

The Cone, child TV star. Who knew? 

Others:

Fernando Gonzalez 

Virginie Razzano

Tomas Berdych ("Where are we going?"  "It's up to you!"  Heh.)

Pic This: Claymates

Pics from around Roland Garros. 

Given the gross grip on that Prince racquet, I think we all know who that is.


What's up with the blue and yellow, Adidas?  Are those going to be the summer colors? 
Also?  Shorts and Ana just do not get along. 


Who the hell is Flashman?



Game faces.


All of a sudden I'm craving beef jerky.  Mmmm....


And chicken wings.  Shit, I really need to get out of bed and eat lunch.


Please tell me she's wearing go go boots too.


Is it just me or is A-Rod wearing a shirt that almost kinda fits him?


Hey Muzz!  Get to the semis and then lose to Rafa 60 60 60 in 48 minutes, k? 
That's the gameplan.  Break!


Dude!  Stop it!


Roger's planning a Surfin' Safari, apparently.
 

Does that tape on her shoulder *really* do anything? 
All it seems to do is scream "HEY LOOK!!! I HAVE A BAD SHOULDER!!!"


Ah.  The backwards cap of dorkitude makes a triumphant appearance.


Gilles x 2.  I know this is super random, but I have always found G Mulls to be kinda cute.


The BunBand is back, folks.  Dina means business. 
And she's practicing more "Ecstasy on Clay" moves.


You're hot.  We know.  Stop it.  Or don't.  I don't know.


Only Jo's smile could distract me from the dead raccoon on his head.


Run, cameraman.  Run.  It's like fuckin' Cloverfield.

Pic This: Rome If You Want To

It's just so damn poetic.  You can't make this shit up.

  
So.  Close.


What the what was going on Vika's quarterfinal match? 
All I have are pictures of her with her ass on the clay. Not that I'm complaining.

 
Does anyone really know where JJ's game currently ranks relative to the other ladies? 
I'm finding it really hard to handicap her chances at RG. 

Also?  With as much hairspray as you use on that ponytail,
I really don't think you should be noshing on it, honey.


LOLZ.

Get a sponsor, Agi.


Come on, ladies.  Get it together for RG.  Stop being retarded in third sets.


The Cone won!  And then she lost.


Not sure I'll ever get sick of Dina's "Ecstasy on Clay" modern art piece.

 
So.  Close.

Cone Sprain

According to Gauloises over at Yellow Fuzzy Balls, La Cone suffered a groin strain against Dani yesterday.  Any chance she'll take some time to heal up in both leg *and* head?  We all know about my French proficiency so I'm going to take G-Dog's word for it.

So that explains the weak display against Dani yesterday.  Sure doesn't explain her two three set 6-4 in the third losses over the weekend, though.  Get your head right, wee one.

French Wall

"You're gonna have to get through me first."

The Cone collapsed, Momo stood tall, and Slovakia gave it their all.  And in the end, France avoided relegation by taking the tie 3-2.

Poor Cone.  Is there any other player right now that has lost so many close matches?  She lost the first rubber to Dani 67 63 64, and the third rubber to Domi 62 57 64.  She's now 0-6 in Fed Cup.

Which meant it all rested on the strong shoulders of Momes.  She took her singles rubbers over Dani (75 64) and Domi (46 62 63), then teamed up with Natalie Dechy to beat Dani/Domi 46 61 64.

So congrats to the Pastries.  They're the only team in the playoffs not to get relegated.

You Know All Hell Will Break Loose When The Cone Is Your #1 Seed

I'm not really a Cone fan but I'm always interested in her results because for whatever reason I find her oddly intriguing.  Besides, she's always prone to some sort of meltdown on court so that keeps it fun. 

Eurosport called her performance today against fellow pastry Stephanie Cohen-Aloro "diabolical."  Somehow with the scoreline of 60 63 I think they were being kind.

Kid has a lot of points to defend in the clay season.  This is so not a good start.  And yes, you're welcome for that insightful tennis analysis.

The rest of the scores out of Barcelona:

Stephanie Cohen-Aloro (FRA) d. (1) Alize Cornet (FRA) 60 63
(2/WC) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Petra Kvitova (CZE) 63 63
(7) Sara Errani (ITA) d. Mathilde Johansson (FRA) 26 75 63
Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) 61 36 60
Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) d. Klara Zakopalova (CZE) 61 76(7)
Roberta Vinci (ITA) d. Pauline Parmentier (FRA) 64 76(7)

Scenes From A J.Crew Catalog

This pic made me fantastically happy for Dina.  You go you normal girl, you!


That photographer is FOS if he's saying he didn't retouch this pic.  Also, why did the fashion designers insist on putting flat as a board Dani into a dress that *clearly* requires some fun bags?  Unacceptable.


Hey look!  The 70s!


How much you want to be this will be her ANTA dress at Roland Garros? 
Also, does JJ have any other poses?  I'm pretty I've seen this one a thousand times before.

 
A giggling Cone is way better than a faux-sexy cone. 
She actually looks 30 in that second one.  And let's face it, 30 is fucking OLD.


So. Much. Awesome.


We can all argue about a lot of things, but Baby E has the best tan in tennis. 
Also, she looks like she's about to star in a karaoke video.


Dudes.  Talk about MAN FEET.


"I have a black belt...in SEX."

(Pics from Tennis Forum)

Dinara Is Beside Herself Over Her Idiocy

Dina had no business losing that match.  Luckily for her, The Cone has no business winning it either.  Luckily for us, Dina realized both these things just in time to turn her match around after dropping to 2-5 in the third set, staved of two match points and won five straight games to take the match and send the young Cone into tears.

Afterwards, Dinara was...well...Dinara:

Q. What was going through your mind? What tactics were you thinking?

DINARA SAFINA: Tactics? Not really. Just what I'm doing on the court, you know, having the whole ‑‑ you know, it was all about me first set, playing solid. Nothing special, just my game. It's 5‑Love for me. Okay, I had set point on her serve. She hit a lucky shot, 5‑1. Losing so fast my serve, 5‑2, and then I break her again, 6‑2 for me. 1‑Love, 15‑40 on her serve.

From 1‑Love to go down 5‑1, it should have never happened to me, being No. 3 in the world. I played really like a junior today. I think it's just lucky that I went through.

But really it's sad that I can do these kind of mistakes.

Q. Can you pick yourself up for the next match?

DINARA SAFINA: I have to. There is no other way, you know. Because really it's sad what I did today.

...

Q. But the positive for you is that you're managing to fight through these matches, and maybe your level will come in the next three?

DINARA SAFINA: I mean, the game is there. It's just that I'm soft on myself. I mean, winning 6‑2 and then having 1‑Love, 15‑40 on her serve, being dominant, and then like somebody switch me off and I started to just play.

Of course, because she was complaining about everything, I don't know what, her shoulder, this. I just started to look at her, what she's doing, instead of focusing myself and continuing being aggressive.

I just don't know. I'm so stupid looking at her instead of myself. 

...

Q. In some way you must be pleased you were able to come back from two breaks down in the third set.

DINARA SAFINA: Of course, you know. But how many times I need to ‑‑ how many chances I need to have? I'm also lucky that I won first round. The girl, I didn't even have to stay in the court because she was playing with herself. Se was shooting ten balls in the fence, one in the court.

I was lucky to go through second round, because the girl, she could not win the match. Okay, third round at least I played something. Today again the girl has I think ‑‑ I just don't know how many more times I need to prove that either I play or I ready to go home.

The game is there. I just don't know what's going on through my mind.

Q. What did your coach say to you after the match?

DINARA SAFINA: The same. He said if I play like this, you gonna leave home. He said it makes no point for him to sit there and seeing myself playing completely different from what I'm practicing. Practicing playing aggressive, hitting the balls ‑‑ from 10 times 10 I hit exactly where I need to hit aggressive.

Come to the court and completely like just shadow is playing. Like, you know, Dinara is there, but just not me. So he's like, Okay, if you continue playing like this, I mean, it's better that I go home. I cannot tell you anything from sitting there. Because what I can tell you? You playing even more passive.

I mean, he's telling me at 5‑4, Hit the ball. I telling myself, Hit the ball, and just arm doesn't go because my mind is just stupid.

God.  It is so obvious that Zeljko is totes aware of the fucked-up dynamic of their relatioship.  Threatening her with abandonment?  That's cold.

This is so not going to end well.

No More Drama

And on the fourth day, order was restored.  Lena, Flavs, Cone, Domi, and Kuz all got through with no problems.

Lena and Flavs won 4 and 1, Domi dished out a bagel winning 0 and 2, and Kuz finally cruised, taking her match 2 and 2.  I know upsets are fun and all, but if you look at the full draw, all you want are the favorites to play well and keep the draw in order. 

Zheng Jie had to fight through three sets but she took her match over Czink 76 57 63.  What a great tourney for Asia with Randy Lu's upset over Nalby and now Zheng and Peng into round 3.

And it was Alize's 19th birthday today.  But of course, because she's French, she couldn't just leave well enough alone

So not hot.

 

Noah's Bagels Called. They'd Like To Work Out a Deal.

Please, Bepa, don't hurt 'em.  Double bagel in your second round match?  That's a statement.  Hopefully JJ's paying attention.

Caro and Nads are also through easily.  Caro took out Ruano Pascal, 3 and 3, and Nads ousted Sania (sad face), 3 and 2.  Doesn't look like she's suffering any ill effects of the viral menge.  Good for her.

 

The Cone also through easily, dishing out a baguette and bagel to Petkovic.  And Dani had to fight a bit, but finally took it in three over the weird serving Johansson, 63 46 63. 

It's so amazing with Dani how obviously mental her game is.  Good memories bring good results for her.  How can you explain her two wins at Indian Wells and now, at the tourney where she reached the semis, she's actually progressing through her draw.  This from a woman who we're used to seeing lose before the third round at Tier II tournaments.  Good for her.  Hopefully this is a signal of things to come for her season.

High Five!

I don't know if Reeshie has his gameplan written on his hand but whatever he's doing it's working.  He beat #2 seed Gilly in straight sets  64 64.

That's more like it.  Nole was en fuego today (even in his dorky hat).  He beat PHM easily 61 62 and he looked great.

Nalby also came out strong, beating Llodra 61 63.  Still looks fat though.  And how about a shout out to Getting Close To Super Mario!  He beat Disco 2 and 1.  Not too shabby.

[1] [WC] N Djokovic (SRB) d P Mathieu (FRA) 61 62
[3] J Tsonga (FRA) d S Bolelli (ITA) 64 61
[4] D Nalbandian (ARG) d M Llodra (FRA) 61 63
[Q] J Chardy (FRA) d [5] I Andreev (RUS) 64 46 64
M Ancic (CRO) d [7] T Robredo (ESP) 62 61
[WC] L Hewitt (AUS) d J Tipsarevic (SRB) 75 64
J Nieminen (FIN) d [WC] C Guccione (AUS) 76(8) 63
R Gasquet (FRA) vs [2] G Simon (FRA) 63 64

With Sveta's withdrawal (Ai is into the quarters) only three ladies matches were played in the oppressive heat of Sydney.  Dina dispatched of the overheating Cone 3 and 4, and Lena fought off Agi 62 57 64.  Serena and Boots are playing right now.

Forza Italia

That just about sums it, yeah.

This was a true team effort by Italy.  After Alize took care of Flavia with surprising ease, it looked like France had this in the bag. 

But Goth Bols came out blazing and Gilly was curiously flat.  Bols would take the rubber and the tie would turn on the mixed doubles match.

The hero?  Flava Flav.  The girl just owns in mixed doubles.  She's the highest ranked doubles player in the tournament and she totally knows what she's doing.  Everyone knows the key to winning mixed is the strength of the women.  Well Flav got picked on my Marat on Saturday and she won that fight.  And she got picked on again tonight and she stood firm.  Good for her. 

 

Hopman Cup: Viva La Wolverine

Team Pain kicked things off yesterday, beating Taipei 3-0 in a surprisingly close tie.  Gilly and The Cone (great band name btw) were definitely rusty, with Gilly missing an inordinate number of easy overhead smashes, and they'll have to tighten things up in the next rounds. 

Oh, and The Cone has either been hitting the gym or the buffet over the off-season.  I honestly can't tell so I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and go with the gym.  Either way, she's bulked up.  As you can tell from the pictures above, Gilly did not.

Next match:  Russia vs. Italy tonight at 10:30am local time, 7:30pm 5:30 PST.  Marat, Dinara, Flava Flav, and Goth Bols.  Bring. It. On.

The Cone Stops Her Slide.

A nice win for The Cone today, who beat Zheng Jie 3 and 2 in a little over an hour.  Matches like this are a great reminder of who important matchups are.  Zheng loves pace, which is why she gives a lot of the ball bashers like Ana fits.  But Cornet won't give you pace, and Zheng simply isn't strong enough to generate her own pace without playing outside of herself.  Hence, against players like Cornet (and let's face it, most of the players not in the top 5) Zheng doesn't stand much of a chance.  She loses patience, hits big, and misses.  The Cone's win stops a three tourney slide of losing in the first round. 

And in Luxembourg, it was a good day for slumping seeds as Chakky, Dani, and Na Li all won in straight sets.

Tomorrow's OOP:

Linz:

Centre Court (from 11.00hrs)
A.Bondarenko vs. Makarova
Savchuk vs. MaKiri
Mono vs. Airon Woman
K.Bondarenko vs. Nads
Meusburger vs. Domi

Show Court (from 12.00hrs)
Llagostera Vives vs. Stosur

Luxembourg:

Baby Ana vs. Benesova (12.30hrs)
Garbin vs. Dulko
Bazcinski vs. Ski Boots
Lena vs. Malek

Go Robby!

The Cone Does Her Best JJ Impression, Forgets To Win.

The Cone bit it hard against Momo today, losing in three sets, 67(3) 63 64.  A very nice win for Momes.  I think this post-clay season has been a humbling one for The Cone, but that's a good thing.  The kid had to realize she has a lot of work to do, namely, learn to hit the ball a bit flatter and work on her serve.

I will say this about Alize.  She always looks great on court.  She rocks that Lacoste well and I feel like she's wearing something different all the time.  Classy, young, and elegant.

As for the remaining Ladies Singles matches, Mono retired in the second set at 61 41 against Domi with a left toe injury.  And Nikki V. fell to hometown girl Vera Dushevina in three sets, 61 36 63.  Future talent indeed.

As for the boys, Fabrice lives on!  He beat Shukin in three.  And Jeremy Chardy ousted Potato Starch, 36 61 64.  Spicoli is also through with his opponent retiring with an ankle injury.

Incidentally, does anyone know if Potato is dating Flava Flav?  Sure seemed cozy in those player pics....

Lots of great first round matches on tap for tomorrow.  Bepa vs. MaKiri, Kuz vs. Li, Flava Flav vs. Venus, Tranny vs. Dani, and Tipsy and CrazySexyLostHisCool are also in action.

Order of Play For Tuesday:

Centre Court (from 11.00hrs)
1. Zvonareva vs. Kirilenko
2. ATP: Kudryavtsev vs. Tipsarevic (NB 13.00hrs)
3. Kuznetsova vs. Li (NB 15.00hrs)
4. ATP: Davydenko vs. Serra (NB 16.30hrs)
5. Pennetta vs. V.Williams (NB 18.00hrs)
6. ATP: Okun vs. Safin

Court 1 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Troicki vs. Donskoy
2. Makarova vs. Vesnina
3. ATP: Llodra vs. Istomin
4. Schiavone vs. Hantuchova
5. ATP: Kerr/Murray vs. Youzhny/Zverev
6. ATP: Ginepri vs. Vanek

Court 2 (from 11.00hrs)
1. A.Bondarenko vs. Srebotnik
2. ATP: Sela vs. Hanescu
3. Errani vs. Azarenka
4. Dzehalevich/Savchuk vs. Petrova/Srebotnik
5. ATP: Donskoy/Vovk vs. Kunitsyn/Tursunov
6. ATP: Llodra/Santoro vs. Chardy/Serra

Court 3 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Demekhine/Kravchuk vs. Stakhovsky/Starace
2. ATP: Levy vs. Benneteau
3. ATP: Gremelmayr/Lu vs. Cermak/Wassen (NB 14.00hrs)
4. Niculescu/Shvedova vs. Chakvetadze/Cibulkova
5. Hrdinova/Uhlirova vs. Dushevina/Kudryavtseva

Moscow Player Party Pics -- Who died?

What's with all the black, ladies?  And seriously, a little bronzer on the feet never hurt nobody.  Y'all need to try it.

(Pics from Tennis Forum and Mens Tennis Forum)

Baby Elephant Forgets The ONE Rule of Packing: Jersey. No Silk.

Yay!  Pictures from the Tokyo Players' Press Conference Extravaganza!  Is it just me or should the WTA should out a memo to players telling them EXACTLY what the dress code is.  I mean, Ana, Dinara, and Lena look like they're going to a cocktail party, Ai Sugiyama looks like she's going to a business meeting, Dani and JJ look like they're in St. Bartz, Momo, Domi, and Agnez look like they're going to the mall, Francesca Schiavone looks like she's going to a concert, and Na Li is wearing army capris. 

I find Ana's attempts to dress up adorable because she clearly has no idea what she's doing.  It's so relatable.

Oh, honey.  You so need a Best Gay.  Because here's what my Best Gay would say: "Oh my gosh.  What.  Are.  You.  Thinking?  You cannot pack a silk dress and then put it on without steaming it first!  And don't tell me you "steamed it" by hanging it in the bathroom while the shower was running.  Because that shit is a LIE.  It doesn't work.  And honey, if you're going to wear heels, you need to OWN IT.  Don't fucking slouch down like you're embarrassed you're so tall and hot.  It's not your fault they decided to put some midget next to you.  Augh!  I don't even know why I'm friends with you.  Sometimes, it's embarrassing!  Cute Prada clutch though!"

Don't worry, Ana.  You're not the only one to suffer the Silk Faux Pas last week:

So you're in good company.

Uh, this picture is AMAZING.  Why?  Ok, I do this all the time.  I'll be dressed up for a wedding or something and I'll just be sitting there minding my own business, zoning off on some random thought, and without thinking, I relax, slouch down a bit, and then RELAX MY ABS SO THAT MY GUT IS TOTALLY HANGING OUT.  Because yes, I (and apparently Ana) have to think about it to make sure my gut doesn't hang out.  I have said it once and I will say it again: BABY ELEPHANT RULES!!!

AI and Company sharing what looks like a very genuine laugh about something.  You know, for someone who is French and therefore ostensibly up to date (whether she likes it or not) on fashion trends, the fact that Momo still wears a scrunchy baffles me. 

But honestly, everyone looked pretty good:

When will the WTA learn?  You put MaKiri in the front row.  It doesn't matter what her ranking is, it doesn't matter how successful she is, it doesn't matter if she's even there to play.  Front Row.  Always.  Come on!

Shockingly, Alize and Cornetto do not mix.

Alize Cornet was forced to retire during the third set of her second round match against Rossana de los Rios in Bad Gastein.  Reason?  Gastroenteritis.  Celebrating your first tour win by pounding Alize and Cornetto floats was probably not the best idea. 

Mmmm...Cornetto.

Ahem, the good news is that both Agnez Szavay and Caroline Wozniaki won their second round match-ups today and are on opposite sides of the draw.  Could this be the week for the Woz's first title?  I like you Agnez, but I'm rooting for Caro on this one.  How can you hate on a girl that looks like she plays tennis in ski boots?