Forty Deuce

Kruisy Kuzzy.

It must have felt nice (and different) to get a straight-forward straight-set win for a change, but the ninja  made her work for it.  Sveta has started 2011 with some great matches but not the best results.  But in all of these matches she's unveiled Sveta 2.0, a more focused, more positive, fitter, and smartly aggressive Svetlana Kuznetsova.  It has been a revelation and I've loved every minute of it. 

Sveta's got Flavia next.  She absolutely cruised over Kleybs, 62 60.  So a great run for Flavia, who once again showed how important Fed Cup is to her career.  She was the savior in Hobart against Australia.  And here she is in the semifinals of a Premier 5.

But it's gotta end at some point.  I'm rooting for Sveta to take the tournament.  But as a few pointed out on Twitter, her legs have got to be tired from all the three setters this week *and* the doubles with Vera.  That said, Flavia's hobbled on that left foot, which caused her to withdraw from doubles here in Dubai (though, word is that she'll ascend to #1 in doubles on Monday).

So let's play the match and see.  But go get it, Sveta 2.0!  This reboot has been awesome!

(Pic: Reuters)

Pic This: This. This Is Why I Hate You.

Whatever.  You're good at tennis.  And you make it look impossibly balletic.  Like I care.

I prefer my tennis to look like this:

"CANNONBALL!"

The diving needs a little...work.

Suck It, Haterz.

FuckYeahAnaIvanovicDotTumblrDotCom.

Ana took out Kleybs in a tense, highly competitive final, 62 76.  Tremendous hitting (check those balls for bruises), spectacular shotmaking, and championship intensity from both sides.  It was a solid match to end the year on.

Primarily because it gave us that picture.

And so, congratulations to Ana, who finishes the year with 2 titles in her last three tournaments, 10 wins out of 11 matches, and finishes the year at #17, ahead of the likes of Masha and Kuz. 

It's a good thing she skipped Bali, huh?

(Pics: Tourney Site, WTA Tour site)

So We Meet Again.

It'll be Ana vs. Kleybs in the Bali final.  The two have met three times per tournament this year.  Or, if you prefer "facts", they've met four times this year, with Kleybs winning the first two and Ana winning the last two.

Ana had an intense and highly entertaining match against Kimiko today and, as expected, Kimiko came to play.  Ana's rhythm on her serve was off in the beginning of the match, but she was eventually able to find her form to claw back from two sets down and save a couple of set points to take the first set 75.  The second set was a bit of the opposite, with Ana leading for much of the set before Kimiko got a late break to force a tiebreak, which she won after coming back from 2-5.  By the time the third set rolled around Ana was able to hold her form while fatigue began to set in with Kimiko, which allowed Ana to take the set 62.  There were some awesome rallies in the match, which saw Ana defending like a mofo, trying her hardest to force Kimiko to hit that one extra shot.  Really high quality tennis from both.

As for Kleybs, she completely outclassed Dani, who just didn't have the firepower to compete with Kleybs, who fired a barrage of shots all over the court to completely confuddle Dani.  She won quickly so you'd think she'd be the fresher player going into tomorrow.  Then again, she will have played three straight days, whereas Ana had a day off between her quarterfinal and semifinal matches.

This one should be a cracker.  If Ana wins she'll end the year at #17.

Yeah, you read that right.

HOLY MOTHER FUCKING CRAP, YOU GUYS. 

(Pics: Tournament Site)

Cut Her a Break, Kimiko-Tan.

So it'll be Ana vs. Kimiko and Dani vs. Kleybs for a spot in the finals in Bali.  Ana dropped only one game on her way to a 60 61 rout of Pavs, Kimiko fought back from 1-3 down in the third to oust top seeded Nails, Kleybs dusted an "I'm over it" Aravane, and Dani scored a nice win over a feisty Wicky (is there any other kind?).

Awesome fact of the day: Ana was one years old when Kimiko turned pro.

Go Ana!  Go Dani! 

And no, that picture has nothing to do with anything.  Except that it is awesome.

Pic This: Glamour Shots Done Right.

 
How bout 'dem apples.

Everybody Chillax...

One thing that's always fun to observe with respect to tennis tournaments is how each individual tournament takes on the personality of its locale.  Last week, we saw the over the top luxury of Doha, which saw the players glammed up and, let's face it, kind of awkward.  This week, the WTA season winds down the beautiful beach resort of Bali, and since Mayleen Ramey isn't there doing an episode of Destination Tennis, the WTA ladies are doing their best to fill in.

First up, Pavs, Kleybs and Wicky went on a surfing lesson, which they all seemed to enjoy.

And take very very seriously.  As Pavs is wont to do.

From there it was on to WTA Arts & Crafts, with Aravane, Kleybs, and Ana.

Shit's intense, y'all.

Recognizing the intensity of the day's events, the ladies stop for some manicures. 

And in a stroke of organizational genius, instead of having local (or "natives" as Kathleen Chloe Cahoon would say) manicurists do the work, they had AO08 semifinalists and former BFFs, Dani and Ana, give each other hand massages. 

Fantastic!

 (Pics: Official Tournament Site)

The Best of the Rest. Kind Of.

The Bali field has been in flux for quite some time, as a number of top players have suffered injuries or called it a season (see e.g., Justine, Masha, Kaia).  But it's finally set:

• Nails (Birmingham)
• WeatherVane (Bastaad)
• Sticky Wicky (Auckland)
• Pavs (Monterrey, Istanbul)
• Ana (Linz)
• Kleybs (Kuala Lumpur, Osaka)
• Kimiko-Tan (WC)
• Dani (WC)

I know what you're thinking.  Mariana Duque Marino got shafted.

Based on current form you have to like Ana and Kimiko's chances but all around this is a solid field.  If all eight ladies can bring their A/B game, we should be in for a highly competitive week. 

(Pics: Getty, AP)

Kimiko and the Curse.

 

Ok, at first it was cute.  But now it's just annoying.  Ok, no it's actually not annoying at all.  But goddammit, why'd you have to go and beat Masha when she was trying to defend her Tokyo title and send her plummetting out of the top 20?  Why'd you have to do it, Kimiko?

Oh.  Because you're awesome and it was your home tournament in front of a home crowd?  Ok, fine.  That's a damn fine reason if I ever heard one.

Also, Masha?  Betty Draper sucks, ok?  In particular, she sucks balls this season on Mad Men.  If you wanted to channel some awesome then you'd be dressing more like Sally, not her horrible tool of a mother.  So I fully expect you to come out in Beijing wearing nothing but Jon Hamm's t-shirt.  Take your fashion cues from awesome people, not emotionless hacks played by people who used to date Ashton Kutcher.

I really don't think this is news.

You know what is news?  Ana winning a match, beating Kleybs easily in fact, after her dismal Heinzless showing in Seoul last week.  And dudes, Ana played WELL.  Great serving, fantastic movement, and phenomenal hitting on her forehand side.  It was ridonk and a truly pleasant surprise.

But of course, the laws of the universe kicked in and Dinara lost to Julia Goerges. 

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BESTIES DO.

 

Trophy Hoister Sunday

Say it with me.  Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....

Gilles beats Zverev in Metz to cap off a fantastic week for him.  That's going to make an amaaaaazing pacifier.

Over in Seoul, Kleybs pics up her second title of the season on Asian hard courts, dusting surprise finalist K-Zak in straight sets.  Congrats, Kleybs.  No please be tired and lose to Ana in Tokyo.

Alla Kudrywhatever picks up the first title of her career in Tashkent, beating Vezzie.  Sad for Vez.

And Chela wrapped up the clay season by winning in Bucharest.

The Weekend Tee-Up.

Here's a roundup of what's at stake over the weekend:

Kleybs, Agnes, Nadia, and K-Zak are into the semis of Seoul, with Klara ousting Dinara yesterday in straight sets.  If you're an Ana fan, you'll be watching Kleybs' progress over the weekend in hopes that she's exhausted by the time she gets to Tokyo.  Yes, it's come to this.  Over in Tashkent it'll be Vezzie vs. Alla, each of whom are trying to win their first career titles.  Go Vez!

As for the guys, Richard, Gilles, Techno, and Zverev are in the semifinals in Metz.  The result of note?  Techno reeling off 10 of the last 11 games to beat Marin in the quarterfinals.  Seriously, what the french is going with that guy?

In Romania, Montanes, Granollers, Chela, and Andujar will duke it out for the last dirt title of the season.

Lastly, if you're interested at all, the qualie draw in Tokyo is pretty interesting.  L-Rob is there and she won her first round match over #57 Sevastova (not an easy feat -- Sevastova won a title and beat Ana and JJ earlier this year), and she'll play the winner of Halep/Flipkens for a spot in the main draw.  Whoever wins that Halep/Flipper match will have to turn around play Robbie later in the day.  Good luck, Laura!

And as a random aside, I was totally shocked to see MGMT in the qualie draw.  Didn't realize she'd fallen that far.

Around The Grounds: Day 1

My day started with a little Dinara warming up on Armstrong.  I figured I should probably soak this in as much as possible all things considered.  I've unfortunately had to apply my Ivanovician "If you don't see her early you may not see her at all" tactic to Dinara.  As we all know, it was a wise decision.

Dani tweeting away as she waits for Dinara to stop wheezing and get off the court.

Sania!  She was absolutely CRUSHING the ball during her practice session and it was nice to hear that she beat Burrito later that day. 

I...I...I can't even deal with that dress.  First of all, it looks two sizes too big.  Second, it looks, in person, like it's made of pleather.  Third, well, Yonex designed it so the first two points were a given.  Fugly dress notwithstanding, she won in front of a rather packed crowd on Court 11.

 

I was way too distracted by Rafa and Sam that I didn't even notice that Gilles was Rafa's practice partner.  In fact, I do believe my inside voice actually muttered "What the fuck is up with Rafa's skinny, scrubby hitting partner?"  Shame on me.

 

Walked by Court 6 right as Kleybs won her match.  Kept my distance.  Didn't know if she'd start shaking the sweat off or not.

 

Ran off to get some food (a hotdog and waffle fries in case you didn't care) and came back to see Ana and Flavia practicing together on Court 5.  My hands were full of food so I literally stood courtside as I downed my hotdog in four bites.  You know that scene from 30 Rock with the sandwich at the airport?  Moi.

My phone was all crapped out all day (assume it's a network issue because it's fine when I get back to Manhattan) and I was having trouble hooking up with Lexi, who was busy boozing it up all over the grounds.  But once she saw my message that Ana and Flavia were hitting, she found me.  I'm predictable like that.

 

Flavia talking to Stefano, her physio, who I rather randomly met at a bar the other night.  He is so so so nice.  I have to say, one of the nicest "entourage" folks I've met.  Well, he's doing his job right because the toe seems to be ok.  She won later that night.

 

Then it was time for Coco, who couldn't back up last week's tight win over Dani.  Not entirely unexpected, really, but still a bummer.  But at least Dani had to play well to beat her. 

Oh My Goodness...

Is it really an upset when *everyone* was tapping it to be an upset?  JJ somehow gave up a 4-1 lead in the first to lose the set 75.  She mounted a bit of a comeback down 0-4 in the second but Kleybs was able to steady herself, crack the shit up out of Steph, Victoria, and I, and take the match in straights.

  Kleybs was in full Riot Grrrl effect last night.  First let me point out that Victoria was shivvering.  I didn't think it was that cold but let it be known that it wasn't a warm and balmy East Coast night.  Kleybs was dripping EVERYWHERE.  At one point, after they switched sides, JJ stepped up to serve only to ask Lynn to have the ball kids wipe up Kleybs' sweat drops, which had clearly accumulated at the baseline.  

Kleybs saw and couldn't help but laugh.  I love that she's not embarrassed by it.  Most normal people would.  Not Kleybs.

At another point in the second set, she went to the back of the court and wrung out her hair.  Two feet from the linesperson.  He was...not amused.  Hell, even Lynn started sending the ball kids out sua sponte to wipe up sweat puddles.  You'd think this was a basketball game.

But the coupe de grace?  Kleybs runs wide for a ball and can't get there.  She happens to be standing right in front of JJ's box when she turns and goes FULL WRING.  RIGHT IN FRONT OF SNEKS.  Sneks starts laughing and pulls her camera out of her purse to take a picture.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting courtside with Steph and Victoria and we are doubled over in laughter and cackling.  It was the greatest thing ever.

Kudos to Kleybs for the win.  I was cheering for her pretty loudly and my viral Kleybs marketing paid off.  The guys in front of us turned around and told us she was absolutely phenomenal.  FUCK YEAH, SHE IS.  She was absolutely beaming after the match and was really cute in her on-court interview, though that's like saying Sam was effusive in her on-court presser.  It was as cute as Kleybs can be.

 

This is Sneki leaving.  At 2-5 in the second.  Nice to know your mom still believes, huh?  Oh, and she almost bit it hard on those stairs in those heels.

JJ was in press immediately with a huge ice bag on her ankle and blamed that for her loss.  She says she hasn't been able to practice all week because of the ankle.  Asked if thought she should skip Cincy to rest an ankle she hasn't been able to play on, she seemed unconvinced.  It will shock me if she pulls out.

You're Weird, But I Like You.

No seriously.  That's how I feel about Krazy Kleybs.  I don't get it, but somehow, it works for me.

And according to Chris Oddo, she's quite the character.

Apocalypse Now.

 

I wonder if that's Phil.

Anyways...

A noticeably fitter, and yes, if we're going to abandon "the code", thinner AI actually won a match.  And not only did she win it, she won it fairly easily without collapsing.  This was, to say the least, surprising.  As anyone who has had to Livescore Ana's matches over the past year knows, she's a wee bit prone to building a lead only to let it, and the match, slip away. 

And Ana's not as delusional as she's sometimes accused of being.  She's well-aware of her propensity to implode:

"I've been working still very hard and trying to get back and it seemed the harder I tried the further it was getting away from me.  So just try to relax and try to be in the moment and not think too much about the result because also during my matches I almost like I'd find myself leading and then losing in the end.  Just sort of, once I start to relax and I thought I'm playing well and I thought "Oh my God," you know, "I can win and maybe I can get far" but then the train of thought just goes and before I know it I'm off the court and lost."

Which is why when the crowd started to shuffle out when Ana was up a break in the second, @sblily said, "Where is everyone going?  They know this is an Ana match, right?"  Word up, homie.

But she served fairly well in streaks and was able to weather the early storm, when Kleybs looked like she couldn't miss.  This match was error-strewn, no doubt.  But there were moments of brilliant, heavy hitting by both ladies.

In the end, the star of the show was Ana's rediscovered fitness and agility.  I distinctly remember a point early in the first set wherein Kleybs was yanking Ana all over the court, and Ana got back five or six balls that very easily could have been winners.  Kleybs eventually won the point, but she literally had to hit six winners to do so.  The momentum shifted a bit on that point, as Kleybs found herself going for too much and, more often than not, missing.  To put it simply, Ana totally JJ'd Kleybs.  I can honestly say that I haven't seen her move that well since RG08.

"I think the biggest difference was in my fitness.  Because I really felt that I was getting to every ball and I managed to maintain the rallies and I didn't have to pull the trigger too early and that kind of put me at ease in the tough rallies and I managed to stay strong."

"I think there were a lot of ups and downs with my fitness.  And I have a new fitness coach after, since Wimbledon, and I've been working a lot on fast footwork drills and that reflects a lot in my game.  That's something that I've been lacking and just being strong off both sides, in the corners, which I was lacking a little bit at Wimbledon.  So I think that plays a big part in my game and also confidence-wise. 

After her presser, Ana stopped by Matt Cronin's desk and had a quick chat.  She says her team is joking about how fit she's getting, busting out of her sleeves, if you will.  Ana the Hulk?  Just leave the purple shorts at home, please.

 

So a solid win for Ana with a little help from Kleybs.  It's all fine and dandy but the kid's gotta back it up.  She'll play the winner of Mono/Harkleroad.  *snort*.

Some clips of the match after the jump.

Summer School.

(Flickr)

Confession:  I love Stanford.  I'm not talking about the tournament.  I'm talking about the university.  See, when I was a kid my parents didn't have a lot of money.  So they had to come up with cheap ways to entertain my kid sister and I on the weekends.  This mainly involved the four of us piling into our green Volkswagon bus and going on road trips.  When I was nine years old we visited Stanford for the first time.  It was the first university or college I had ever visited and I thought it was the absolute coolest thing.  We biked around the campus, visited the Rodin Sculpture Garden, went into Memorial Church, and I absolutely fell in love.  I ended up doing a California history report on the school in fifth grade, would go to sports camps here in middle school and high school, and drive an hour and fifteen minutes on a school night to see a Stanford Women's Volleyball game or basketball game.  Hell, in high school I would drive to Stanford and study at the library. 

It's pathetic, I know.

All his is to say, given my love for the school, I'm kind of predisposed to absolutely blow sunshine up this tournament's ass.  The minute I hopped out of my car and smelled the eucalyptus in the air, I had a stupid grin on my face. 

So with that in mind, here's my report after Day 1 of Qualies:

• Had a bit of panic attack when I was directed to the "credential" office, gave my name and was told it wasn't on the list.  "Uh...hold on, let me pull up the confirmation email on my phone."  After fumbling with my stupid iPhone for 5 minutes, the woman finally said "Are you media?" "Yes." "Oh, that's a different office."  PHEW!  I walked down to the media center, picked up my pass, and settled in. 
• You can request workspace at the tournament and I, surprisingly, had been given a spot.  In the front row.  This would be awesome except that as I unpacked my laptop I realized that there's no way I can ask a question at the pressers.  Because if I do, the players will look in my direction and see the "I Am Not An Asian Tourist" sticker on my laptop.  And to add insult to injury, two weeks ago I put a Hello Kitty sticker on it.  So yeah...SILENCE.
• Everyone in the media center was super nice.  And they read Forty Deuce.  I was mortified. 
• Packed up my shit and headed to see what was going on the practice courts.  To my pleasant surprise (read: SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!) Ana and Makiri were practicing next to Lena and Dinara.  I only got to see 10 minutes of Dinara's practice but she was crushing it.  Lena's still using that abbreviated service motion.  Ana's toss was ALL OVER THE  PLACE and she was visibly frustrated.  MaKiri was...MaKiri.
• Kleybs practiced shirtless.  Shahar had her right thigh taped.
• Mono was set to the drawring at 1pm.  We all know how that turned out.  One funny moment: When it came time to draw her first round opponent, the tournament supervisor called out the number, and the supervisor in charge of matching the numbers to players said "Roger Federer."  Mono giggled like a school girl and said "That would be perfect."  She knows this isn't wasn't a drawing for Match.com, right?
• After the draw was done they opened up the floor for questions.  "Any questions for Marion?"  Crickets.  Sorry.  I just couldn't bring myself to ask her the burning question on everyone's mind: "So...what's your deal?"
• Went to lunch with Love All at Cheesecake Factory.  Ironically, mind you.  I can report with certainty that their "smaller" lunch portions are still larger than any dinner I have ever had. 
• Came back on the grounds and was informed that I missed Dinara practicing next to Domi.  Spent 30 minutes in the bathroom crying, obviously.  But I must thank the kind gentleman who did a dramatic reenactment of Zeljko's behavior during the session.  Let's just say it involved a lot of crossed-arms, standing akimbo, and stoicism, mixed with a touch of sneaky glances over at Dinara.  SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!  Get over it!
• Sam was back on the practice courts so I stood and watched her entire practice session from ground level.  Had a lovely chat with my new favorite Bank of the West Classic usher, Donald about life, love, and other mysteries. 
• Once Sam was done it was pretty quiet on the grounds so I headed back to the media center.  It's quite fun just sitting in there and talking to other journos and tournament people.  I'm just not used to being surrounded by knowledgeable tennis people.  It's fun to just pick up on little factoids and tidbits that you don't know.  Quite intimidating as well.  All I have to offer is, "Um...I want to have sex with Andy Murray."  It's not really a conversation starter.
• Sat there and blogged for a bit, enjoying my free Sierra Mist, when Chris, who is blogging for On The Baseline this week, leaned forward and said the following magic words: "Sharapova's on Center."  With those words we both quickly packed up our stuff and headed over.  Sure enough, Masha was there.  That was a nice coda to the day.

So Day 1 is in the books and it was a huge success.  Mainly because I didn't make a fool of myself.  Well, except for that whole Ana/Kleybs business.

Can't wait for tomorrow.  More qualies, more practice, a Dinara/Jay-Z photo op on the Stanford Campus, and All-Access Hour.

Just a reminder, you can get my random musings in real time by following me on Twitter.

Touchdown.

And of course, my AnaDar is full effect.  She was practicing with MaKiri alongside Dinara and Elena.  It's weird to see her in colored shoes.  Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, she was stinking up the court.  Toss was all over the place, visibly frustrated.  GOOD TIMES!

Headband!

Magenta-tastic!

Whee!

Ana and Makiri left the court and were replaced by...

And for the record, it ain't that hot out.

No, I said KLEYBS Go Away, Not You, Ana.

I think I'm a pretty good tennis fan.  I kill my sleep schedule, roll in late to work, watch tennis on streams from my office when I should be working, cancel plans with friends and family in order to watch tennis.  It doesn't make me a good human being, employee, or, you know, person in general, but I think I've earned some cache with the Tennis Gods.  I don't want to be cocky or anything, but I'm fairly confident that when I get to the white pearly gates of Tennis Heaven, the gods will run to hug me, say "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness! Now, about that Dildo post...", and usher me into the the Kingdom of Tennis Heaven.

Shit.  Humility, C Note.  Humility.  And maybe less cussing.

So, I come now and humbly offer my gratitude to the Tennis Gods for not only delaying play for much of the morning, but then convincing me to have some tea, curl up with some YouTube videos, AND CONK ME THE FUCK OUT so I didn't have to watch Ana lose 63 60 to Kleybs.  This was a solid, Tennis Gods, and I won't forget it.

Afterwards, Ana was surprisingly positive, though it was clear that she had been crying her eyes out.  Poor puppy.  Hang in there!

But, you know, congrats to Kleybs.  That's quite a drubbing in the slow wet conditions. 

Pic This: RG Day 2

It was a warm on in Paris today.  And the heat brought out the crazy.

It's not so much that Feli likes to show leg, it's that his legs refused to be contained.

 

I'm flattered by the offer, but no.

Oh no you di'n't, JJ.  Allison will cut you.  She'll do it.

DonotlookherintheeyeDonotlookherintheeyeDonotlookherintheeye...

Fuck!  Too late.

More after the jump.

And I Thought It Was The Lack of Oxygen

This feels like it's been a regular occurrence, but once again, apologies for the silence.  I've been out of town since Friday up in the snowy mountains of California enjoying the spoils of knowing people who know people who have nice things.  In this case it was a way too fancy cabin up in Tahoe.  As I am currently healthcare-less and therefore not trying to do anything that might leave me injured but short of dead, I didn't hit the slopes.  I hit the bar.

As if that should shock you.

So imagine my confusement (that's totally a word, right?) when I woke up dehydrated, groggy, and breathing thin mountain air to check the weekend's scores only to find this:

 

At first I thought it was the lack of oxygen.  I must be hallucinating.  Then I thought it was a weird dream where Ernie and Kleybs were celebrating the invention of some new sex toy I hadn't heard about.  And then I thought, "Calm down.  Head back to the safe sea-level confines of San Francisco, drink a shitload of Gatorade, and get your head right.  Things can't be what they seem."

BUT THEY WERE.

Semi-Bound

The first round of Fed Cup is over and after all the dust and thundersticks have settled we have the four teams we pretty much expected to advance.  

Kudos to Team America for their surprisingly (at least to me) decisive win over France.  Mels Bells clinched it in her opening match today over Julie Coin.  Their reward?

 

Hosting Team Russia in the semifinals.  On the, uh, broad shoulders of Sveta and Kleybs, Russia advanced after trouncing the dream (or nightmare, depending on your perspective) pairing of JJ and Ana in the decisive doubles match. 

The day started with JJ engineering yet another three set come from behind victory over Sveta, only to see Ana crumble under the pressure of being a clincher.  The kid came out nervous again, dropping to 0-4 in the first, before dropping the match 62 63. 

Rough luck for Serbia, even rougher luck for Ana, who will surely have to endure some fun questions and commentary.  But kudos to the Glitter Queen of Serbia, who put her money where her mouth was and pulled of a solid Fed Cup weekend.  And her win over Sveta should give her some confidence. 

If only that darned back would heal....

 

On the other side of the draw will be the Czech Republic at Italy.  The Italians sealed their tie after both Flavia and Franny won their reverse singles to clinch 3-1.  As for the Czechs, they had a surprise hero in Lucie Hradcka, who subbed in for a sick Lucie Safarova and beat Petkovic in singles, then teamed up with Kveta Peschke to win the decisive doubles match.  It'll be a tough task to beat Italy in Italy on, I presume, clay. 

Fed Cup: I 100% Assure You There Will Be Crying.

So here we go. 

Notably absent: Uh...all of Russia, The "real" Belgians, The Williamses, The Golden Flowers, Sabine, and Gisela Dulko.  And it still cracks me up that Mono isn't on France's team.

World Group I

Serbia vs. Russia

aka "This week, on LOST..."

Saturday - Play starts at 16:00 (15:00 GMT)
Ana Ivanovic (SRB) v Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)
Jelena Jankovic (SRB) v Alisa Kleybanova (RUS)

Sunday - Play starts at 14:00 (13:00 GMT)
Jelena Jankovic (SRB) v Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS)
Ana Ivanovic (SRB) v Alisa Kleybanova (RUS)
Ana Ivanovic / Jelena Jankovic (SRB) v Vera Dushevina / Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS)

Ukraine vs. Italy

aka "Aw, hell no!  I did *not* leave the South Side for this!"

Saturday - Play starts at 13:30 (11:30 GMT)
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) v Francesca Schiavone (ITA)
Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) v Flavia Pennetta (ITA)

Sunday - Play starts at 13:00 (11:00 GMT)
Alona Bondarenko (UKR) v Flavia Pennetta (ITA)
Kateryna Bondarenko (UKR) v Francesca Schiavone (ITA)
Mariya Koryttseva / Viktoria Kutuzova (UKR) v Sara Errani / Roberta Vinci (ITA)

France vs. United States

aka "Yeah, have fun, Cones..."

Saturday - Play starts at 13:30 (12:30 GMT)
Alize Cornet (FRA) v Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)
Pauline Parmentier (FRA) v Melanie Oudin (USA)

Sunday - Play starts at 13:00 (12:00 GMT)
Alize Cornet (FRA) v Melanie Oudin (USA)
Pauline Parmentier (FRA) v Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)
Stephanie Cohen-Aloro / Julie Coin (FRA) v Liezel Huber / Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA)

Czech Republic vs. Germany

aka "The tie no one cares about because I can't find any pictures."

Saturday - Play starts at 13:00 (12:00 GMT)
Lucie Safarova (CZE) v Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER)
Petra Kvitova (CZE) v Andrea Petkovic (GER)

Sunday - Play starts at 12:00 (11:00 GMT)
Lucie Safarova (CZE) v Andrea Petkovic (GER)
Petra Kvitova (CZE) v Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER)
Lucie Hradecka/Kveta Peschke (CZE) v Kristina Barrois/Tatjana Malek (GER)

World Group II

Poland vs. Belgium

aka "Wait...that's not Ula..."

Marta Domachowska (POL) v Yanina Wickmayer (BEL)
Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) v Kirsten Flipkens (BEL)

Sunday - Play starts at 12:00 (11:00 GMT)
Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) v Yanina Wickmayer (BEL)
Marta Domachowska (POL) v Kirsten Flipkens (BEL)
Klaudia Jans / Alicja Rosolska (POL) v An-Sophie Mestach / Sofie Oyen (BEL)

Slovak Republic vs. China

aka "Why does Domi have to ruin everything?"

Saturday - Play starts at 14:00 (13:00 GMT)
Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) v Xinyun Han (CHN)
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) v Shuai Zhang (CHN)

Sunday - Play starts at 13:00 (12:00 GMT)
Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) v Shuai Zhang (CHN)
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) v Xinyun Han (CHN)
Dominika Cibulkova / Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) v Xinyun Han / Shuai Zhang (CHN)

Australia vs. Spain

aka "Huh.  You guys are in World Group II?"

Saturday - Play starts at 18:00 (07:30 GMT)
Samantha Stosur (AUS) v Maria-Jose Martinez Sanchez (ESP)
Casey Dellacqua (AUS) v Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP)

Sunday - Play starts at 16:00 (05:30 GMT)
Samantha Stosur (AUS) v Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP)
Casey Dellacqua (AUS) v Maria-Jose Martinez Sanchez (ESP)
Alicia Molik / Rennae Stubbs (AUS) v Nuria Llagostera Vives / Carla Suarez Navarro (ESP)

Estonia vs. Argentina

aka "Wait.  Estonia???"

Saturday - Play starts at 12:00 (10:00 GMT)
Maret Ani (EST) v Maria Irigoyen (ARG)
Kaia Kanepi (EST) v Paula Ormachea (ARG)

Sunday - Play starts at 11:00 (09:00 GMT)
Kaia Kanepi (EST) v Maria Irigoyen (ARG)
Maret Ani (EST) v Paula Ormachea (ARG)
Maret Ani / Kaia Kanepi (EST) v Mailen Auroux / Aranza Salut (ARG)

Pic This: Point, C Note.

Pic This:...And The Old Ones...

Something tells me Pavs' outfit is pretty amazing. I'm just guessing.