Forty Deuce

Have A Rad Christmas

The Rads had a great time shopping for needy families over the holidays.

Very cool of them.

Even if Agi was thoroughly confused.

Pic This: Ula Radwanska Is Too Good For Dan Brown.

Look! WTAers like to read!

You're welcome, boys.

Heh.  Makes me think of this:

 

THE BOOBY SCARE Featuring Alyson Hannigan, Emily Deschanel, Kat McPhee, Minka Kelly and Jaime King - watch more funny videos

Touch a tit, save a tit.

Pic This: One More for the Road...

It wouldn't be the end of the WTA season without one more chance to laugh at people for being completely incapable of dressing themselves.  Some of them are getting distressingly (read: boringly) good at it, but you know there'll always be one WTFer in the group.  Or two, or three.

A lot of things about this frighten me.  Mainly that, with the faces upside down, it looks like she's wearing a minidress with a Marilyn Manson print.  Also, the eyes.  Freaky.

 

This looks kind of like a bridesmaid's dress I had to wear once, if you cut the skirt off about three and a half feet from the bottom.

[snicker]

Oh dear.  Someone needs to introduce Bepa to these.

I'm not gonna lie: something about the geranium over her ladybits weirds me out.

I need to know what Lena did that they decided she needed a mug shot.

I totally picture Dinara's closet having a "little black dress" section and a "big pink t-shirt" section and... that's it.

LOLZ.

Dig in, Caro.

But really, learn to cross your legs when you're sitting in a dress, honey.  Your wantonness is making Dina sad.  (Then again, what doesn't?)

Stubbsy!  Oy, Ula, we'll talk later.

And, for the creme de la creme, cherry on the sundae, there is the video.  I watched it like 18 times.  Don't make me start liking you, girls.  You know who you are.

On Today's Episode of Trauma...

 

Dear WTA: In the span of 24 hours you had two of your most promising young players reduced to tears because of physical ailments caused by a combination of a long fucking season and the fact that you've situated your year-end championships in a humidly dry environment.  If you don't want to reevaluate things, so be it.  But let it be known that the rest of us call bullshit on your entire fucking system.

Poor Vika.  Seriously.  I really do feel bad for her.  After dominating Agi for 2 and 7/8ths of the first two sets, Via somehow blew a 5-2 lead in the second to suddenly drop it 75.  Then, after the first game of the third set, she started to experience either more thigh strain or significant cramping.  Watching her play after that point was painful and she would eventually retire down 1-4, sending Caro into the semis. 

First, good on Agi for not completely rolling over in this match and forcing Vika to play.  Then again, Polish blood runs deep, yo.  Agi knew that a win would send her fellow Pole, Caro, through to the semis.  Leave it to A-Rad to keep things interesting.

OK, fine. I'll never complain about Doha again.

Agi.  Ula.  Singing Pokerface.  With choreography.

Click here.

700,000 thanks to duhcity for posting.

Pic This: Babysitters Club

While the big girls hit the court to get their YEC on, Agi and Bepa babysat.

With all due respect to Agi and Bepa's tennis skillz, why they aren't holding arts and crafts and diplomacy clinics is a mystery.  Talk about a lost opportunity.

Pic This: Elena, Aga, Please Pack Your Knives and Go.

Plating was not their strong suit.

Let's just be happy they spelled Whirlpool correctly. 

The WTA Subject Tutoring programming is coming along nicely.

Season Ender

This picture makes me sad.

An outstanding performance by MaKiri today meant that Agi won't be playing in Doha (unless she makes it as an alternate).  The fucked up thing is that because of the Bali qualification rules (discussed at length in our last podcast), she might not even get to play Bali.  So we'll have a player, who will likely finish in the top 10, who will play neither YEC.  Nice job, WTA.  Seriously, can you do *anything* right?

 

Flava Flav was forced to retire while up a set to Agnes due to a left knee injury, thus ending her campaign for Doha.  And since Bali is scheduled during the same weekend as the Fed Cup final, she won't be playing Bali either, even though she's qualified.

So...well done, WTA. 

Moskau, Moskau!

The biggie for this week is Kremlin Cup; an ATP 250 for the men and a Premier for the women.  Since it's the week before Doha, most of the top women are giving Moscow a miss.  Never mind that, though, because the four women still in contention for the last spot/alternate status at YEC are all playing.  Davai!

ATP

Nads did the draw.  This is a picture of her immediately after she drew Safin/Davydenko for the first round.  Heh.

 

Yeah, well done, Nads.  So, I suppose we can expect Marat to exit stage right from his last Kremlin Cup relatively early.  Although he did beat Kolya there last year.  Anyway...

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Kolya, Victor Hanescu, Misha, Igor Andreev

Potential Quarterfinals: Kolya/Martin Vassallo Arguello, Igor/Janko, Misha/Fabrice, Hanescu/Pablo Cuevas

Potential Interesting Early Matches: Kolya/Marat (1R)

Interesting Story Lines: Will Igor Andreev repeat as "Mr. Fair Play"?  Will Marat actually give a shit? 

WTA

 

Draw

Top Four Seeds: Vera, JJ, Aga, Flavs

Potential Quarterfinals: Vera/Nads, JJ/Lena V, Aga/Franny, Flavs/Dominika

Potential Interesting Early Matches: CanWoz/Errani (1R), Flavs/Agnes (1R), JJ/Shvedova (1R), Vera/Pavs (2R), Aga/Winner of CanWoz v. Errani (2R), Franny/Sorana (2R), Flavs/Dushevina (2R), JJ/Lucie (2R)

Interesting Story Line: 4 players. 3 YEC spots.  Bring.  It.  On.

Pic This: Still Looking for a Hero? I Believe We Have New Options. (UPDATE)

Is this for some WTA late-nite ad campaign?  Because otherwise I can't figure out what the hell is going on.  And if anyone has a clue why Barbara Schett is involved, I'd be extremely interested in some clarification.  (I'm not so sure of some of the IDs, either, so feel free to correct.)

So, because I don't really know what to say about it... here, without further comment or ado, are the pictures.  

(Aga and Timea Bacsinszky)

(Anna-Lena Groenefeld)

 

(Barbara Schett)

(Tatjana Malek)

 

(Anna-Lena Groenefeld and... Catwoman)

(Tamira Paszek)

(Pictures from Barbara at Fierce Tennis)

Some People Learn the Hard Way

Including me, apparently.  As I was writing my (very brief) recap of Linz yesterday, I thought to myself, "You know, now that you've said that about Flavs and Aga, they're both going to lose."  "Hahaha," my slightly more rational side chided me, "don't be such a moron."  I chose to listen to the "rational" side, didn't even bother to highlight the matches on the OOP, and went on my merry way.

Yeah, guys.  The power of the jinx, it's fo realz.

 

 

Yeah, me too.  Flavia lost to Yanina Wickmayer, and Aga to Petra Kvitova, both in straight sets.  Ladies, ladies... wha happen?  Not to take anything away from Yanina or Petra, both of whom I think are better than their rankings.  And, in the interest of YEC, maybe it's better for both Aga and Flavs to have a day off before Kremlin Cup gets under way.  But still.  [sigh]

The one that confuses me the most is Aga's, and it seems like her serve just did her in.  I sort of hated Brad Gilbert for outright laughing at her second serve earlier in the season, but when you see a stat like that she saved 6/8 break points in the second set here, well... it's hard to argue.

(Also, any time I see a Czech player's name now, I hear that reporter in the name video.  Linguistic mocking.)

Singles - Semifinals
(3/WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (1) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 76(5) 63
Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. (2) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 63 62

Catching Up

So... that work thing happened.  And now I am determined to at least get a results post out.  It's not gonna be much, but I submit it humbly for your consumption, dear reader.

Shanghai

More retirements??  You're kidding, right?  And my Quality Guy Ljubicic, too.  Sobs.  But he's an old guy, I guess I'll forgive him the hip injury.

Also, Feli won another match?  This is beginning to feel like some kind of alternate universe.  Also, I was very amused by Kolya's quote that Stepanek "destroyed" him in the second set.  I don't think 6-4 counts as destruction, sweetie.

Singles - Quarter-finals

[1] R Nadal (ESP) d I Ljubicic (CRO) 36 63 ret. (left hip)
[2] N Djokovic (SRB) d [8] G Simon (FRA) 63 26 62
[6] N Davydenko (RUS) d [13] R Stepanek (CZE) 61 46 61
F Lopez (ESP) d [9] R Soderling (SWE) 76(4) 63

Linz

Finally.  Actual matches!  If I hadn't been so preoccupied all day, I would have been glued to Radwanska/Safarova.  Wickmayer/Errani and Kvitova/CSN aren't too shabby, either.  I keep thinking how awesome it'll be if Round 1 of the YEC Race to the Bottom comes down to an Aga/Flavs final.  That would be faaaaaaaantabulous.

Singles - Quarterfinals
(1) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 75 62
(2) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. (7) Lucie Safarova (CZE) 63 76(9)
(3/WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. (8) Sara Errani (ITA) 75 63
Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. (4) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) 75 64

Osaka

The Shanghai of the WTA.  Two retirements in four quarterfinals?  Woz/Woz is always a good time, and I'm glad that those matches are at least getting a little closer, but still.  More than one meaningful match this late in a tournament would be nice.

Singles - Quarterfinals
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (6) Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 62 67(1) 62
Sania Mirza (IND) d. (2) Marion Bartoli (FRA) 64 20 ret. (right shoulder injury)
(3) Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Jill Craybas (USA) 61 63
(4) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. (7) Melinda Czink (HUN) w/o (right foot injury)

Things Get Vaguely Interesting

Okay, not really, I guess.  But come on, Radwanska/Cornet?  That's a solid match.  On paper.  Maybe.  And Anna-Lena Groenfeld somehow took Flavia to three sets.  They're trying.  Halfheartedly.

Seriously, I'm perfectly pleased at how these tournaments are progressing, there's just not much to say about Lucie Safarova beating U.Rad.  Or Sam Stosur beating Akiko Morigami.  Okay, maybe there's something to say about that, Sam winning is a rare enough sight these days.

Linz

Singles - Second Round
(1) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Anna-Lena Groenfeld (GER) 63 46 62
(2) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 64 75
(3/WC) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) d. Alexandra Dulgheru (ROU) 26 63 61
(7) Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Urszula Radwanska (POL) 64 64
Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) d. (Q) Julia Goerges (GER) 36 62 75

Osaka

[1] Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Katie O'Brien (GBR) 60 61

[6] Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. K Chang (TPE) 75 76(2)

[3] Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Akiko Morigami (JPN) 61 62

Jill Craybas (USA) d. Mathilde Johansson (FRA) 26 62 60

Doha 2009: Race to the Bottom

Dinara, Serena, Caro, Sveta, Venus, Elena and Vika are already in.  That means there's one spot left for the Year End Championships in Doha...

... and, with two weeks left, five players within striking distance.

 

(There are zero decent pictures of Marion out there.  Kinda funny.)

Jelena, Vera, Aga, Flavia and Marion.  Five players, 450 points, one spot.  And they're all playing at least once in the next two weeks.  And, obviously, not only is the one spot at #8 open, but both the alternate spots are up for grabs, too.  Given that for the last two years, alternates have both played and won matches at YEC (including Aga and Marion), you can bet no one's taking those spots or potential points for granted either.

Jelena and Vera are numbers 8 and 9 in the Race right now, respectively, and are separated by a mere five points.  They are both playing Moscow, and, of course, are respectively the defending champion (JJ) and and finalist (Bepa).  It seems natural to assume that, between those two, whoever goes farthest in Moscow will end up with the final spot for Doha.  That really takes the whole thing right down to the wire, since the Moscow final is a mere two days before start of play in Doha.  Game.  On.

However.

Aga, who vaulted herself back into YEC contention with her finals showing at Beijing this week, is currently #10 in the race (225 points behind JJ at #8, 200 points ahead of Flavia at #11) and is slated to play both Linz and Moscow.  A good showing at both could put her right up there, especially if one or both of JJ/Vera crashes out early at Kremlin Cup.  Plus, she should be super-motivated: she's on a hot streak, she's defending points from Doha last year, and a win at Linz would also qualify her for the Baby YEC in Bali.

Flavia, currently #11 in the Race, is 425 points out of 8th, which seems like a lot until you consider that she, like Aga, is playing both Linz and Moscow.  Since Flavia's already qualified for the Baby YEC, but can't go because of her Fed Cup commitments, it might be that she shows up at both tournaments extra hungry to make it into Doha, either fully qualified or as an alternate.  

Marion is #12 in the race, 450 points out of #8 and 225 points out of #10.  She's playing Osaka this week and, as the #2 seed, has a decent shot at the title, particularly if Caroline Wozniacki's health is still iffy.  On the one hand, since she's so far out of #8 and (unlike the two players directly in front of her) is only playing once, her odds for making the cut seem bad.  On the other hand, if I had to pick the steadiest competitor out of all five of these women... it might just be Marion.

So, there you have it.  On paper, it looks amazing.  As for the reality... well, God knows the WTA has had a hard time living up to billing this year, but I still kind of can't wait.

Sunday Wrap-Up: Lazy Guest Blogging (WTA Edition)

Only one of these, right?  Thank God.

How bizarre is it that going into this year, Sveta hadn't won a singles title in over two years, and now she's won 3 (fairly major) ones?  She's awesome.  Good for Aga, too.  Two weeks ago, she hadn't been past a quarterfinal all year; now she's got semis in Tokyo, the final in Beijing, and is back in the top 10 (sadness, Flava Flav).  She's also seemingly back in the hunt for Doha.  Jesus.

Beijing: Kuznetsova d. A. Radwanska 6-2, 6-4

 

Speaking of punch bowls, the pictures of this trophy ceremony are amazing.  You can't convince me they're not already planning for the rest of the day.

 

"I'm going to shove this fucking tennis ball down your fucking throat, I swear to God.  Haha, seriously, do you know where the liquor store is?"

I don't know what that is, and I don't care.  She's the bomb.

Huh. Ok.

Nice to see you're so excited about making your second straight semifinal by beating Lena, Agi.  Don't ever change.  Kuz cruised over Pavs in straight sets, setting up a fantastically headcasey semifinal against...

The Serena Slayer.  Big ups to Nads, who followed up her win over Serena with a three set win over Bollitieri Beater Shuai Peng.  Peng took the first set in a tiebreaker and was playing really well until she hurt her left leg.  From there is was just a matter of time before Nads ran away with it, though seriously, she was still Nadsy about it.  Headcases forever!

And in the "Wha happen???" story of the day, Mono somehow rallied from 63 51 down to win over Bepa.  What. The. Fuck. Vera.  She only won 7 points in the second set after leading 5-1.

And In Matches No One Cares About...

A-Rad came back from a set and 0-4 down to reel off the next six games and win 46 64 62.  Good on her.  I went to sleep thinking she was about to get bageled.

And Bepa avenged her rather dramatic loss to Flavs at the USO with a rather dramatic three set win in Beijing.  Apparently there was a lot of sniping from both of them because of some questionable line calls.  And as the China Open site describes:

Early in the match, Pennetta was berating herself for mistakes, but by the end of the second set, Zvonareva took her turn. She met with her coach twice during the match.

Five times in the match the chair judge corrected the line judges. On the fifth, Zvonareva argued to keep the original call. She then loudly and aggressively scored the next point, but lost the game.

In the third set, when Zvonareva was up 3-2, Pennetta took a break after a back injury. After examination on and off court, she returned to win two more games.

Pennetta fought until the last point, arguing with the chair judge over shots missing the sideline. Finally, Zvonareva won the 2 1/2 hour match with a close 7-5 set.

Heh.  Sounds like a doozy.

After a mild bit of scouring I couldn't find any pictures from these two matches.  Apparently Marion Bartoli is more of a press score than A-Rad, Flavs, or Bepa.  But these pics are great. 

Perhaps the best thing about that Bepa picture?  The caption: "Vera Zvonareva happily met and signed autographs for some of her fans during some time off from matches."

Yeah, she looks ecstatic, WTA.

Pic This: In Like A Lamb...

Day 1 is on its way into the books. 

And except for a few moments of stress, it was pretty snoozy.

 

Fed won easily, though Devon Britton, the young American, showed some stuff to be excited about.

 

Makiri won easily in her new Adidas Competition gear. 

Hmm...maybe it *was* the clothes.

 

Don't tell Aga, but that ain't a checkmark on her kit.

Searching For A Seed

In what was one of Masha's better matches in her comeback, she was able to exact revenge on poor Agi, who beat her at the USO two years ago.  The serve is still wonky but Maria was able to tee off on Agi's puff serves and take advantage of anything short.  Really nice performance from Maria, who got the 62 76 win.  Maria actually came back from 2-5 down in the second set and 0-2 in the tiebreak.  

So the semis will be Pova vs. Kleybs and Lena vs. ReRe.  Uh...Davai!  If Maria can make the final then it's likely she'll be seeded for the USO.  So yes, there is something riding on this tournament.

As a side note: Dear Toronto fans -- Cheering between first and second serves and applauding double faults?  Come on.  

Pic This: Battle of the Polish Papas

Aga and Caroline are playing doubles together in Toronto, which means some good old-fashioned fun on practice.  I will give Papa Wozniacki some credit for trying (although failing) to get Caroline to pick up the mess of balls behind her.  Oh well, Coconut and her man harem took care of it later.

I'm beginning to think maybe Papa R won't let Aga and Ula have a clothing sponsor just so he doesn't have to wear silly Fila outfits or whatever.

There were times when the Papas were hanging out and chatting.  The times when they weren't were obviously funnier.

Just Short.

It was a day of strong challenges that fell just short as, for the most part (*cough*AnaAga*cough*) the seeds came through.  MaKiri stuck with JJ for much of the first set before she dropped the tiebreak 8-6.  From there, JJ took the second set 63 for the win.  But don't worry MaKiri, you still double bageled her and spat in her face at the net in the fashion department.

In the now-more-frequent-then-we'd-expect Woz/Woz match, Caro survived a scare from Aleks, dropping the first 46 before coming back to take the next two tight ones, 64 64.  Maybe Aleks is saving herself for Canadaland.

As for my favorite racquet smasher with a vagina (an important distinction so long as Marat is still playing), Bepa got 'sticked in the second by Kleybs and had to battle out the third to a 75 win.  Survive and move on, Casper.

As for A-Rad, how do you get bageled by Mama Bammer?  I think her new Babolat skirt distracted her.  She's never seen a logo before.

Singles - Second Round
(4) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. (Q) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) 63 64
(5) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. (WC) Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 76(6) 63
(7) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 64 16 75
(8) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 46 64 64
(9) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 64 62
Melinda Czink (HUN) d. (11) Ana Ivanovic (SRB) 76(6) 75
Sybille Bammer (AUT) d. (13) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 60 75
(14) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Agnes Szavay (HUN) 62 64
Sorana Cirstea (ROU) d. Anna-Lena Groenefeld (GER) 63 62
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Alona Bondarenko (UKR) 75 16 64
Peng Shuai (CHN) d. María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) 57 62 61
(WC) Kim Clijsters (BEL) d. Patty Schnyder (SUI) 62 75

Doubles - First Round
Kirilenko/Vesnina (RUS/RUS) d. Chuang/Yan (TPE/CHN) 64 60

That's A Wrap

Despite the LA tournament organizers trying their best to make this the most annoying tourney ever, I had a blast attending the tournament.  It really could have sucked.  The night before I was set to take off, both Dina and Ana lost, the latter being unsurprising and the former being, well, possibly a game changer.  I mean, I was shelling out $500 to *not* see Dinara?  What the fuck?

But it all proved to be worth it.  Despite the 8 dollar beers, prohibition on bringing in outside food or drink (though that didn't stop *some* people), and getting yelled at for bringing in a camera with a lens longer than 3 inches, it was so great to be in the sun and watch tennis.  But what made it awesome was the great company of Victoria, Katie, and Tracy, and the great matchups and high quality tennis (uh...let's ignore the hell that was the two hour Masha/Ula clusterfuck).

Highlights after the jump.

Friends Don't Let Friends Lose To Friends.

Interesting quotage from James LaRosa's blog on friendships on tour.  Much like James, I too am obsessed with wanting these girls to (a) be buddies on tour and (b) be buddies with me (well not all of them, just the awesome ones, cuz that's how I roll).  It's cute to see CanWoz down on court and congratulating Caro in her semifinal win in that fake clay tournament that I can't think of right now, or Caro coming standing courtside cheering on Sorana, despite the fact that she was already out of the tournament.  And I like to think that, especially among the veteran players, that as crazy as I make these women out to be, they're actually way awesome people that I just want to drink beers with and watch get into bar fights (I'm looking at you, Flavs). 

Unfortunately, it looks like the stakes are just too high these days, for both the men and the women.  Per Marat:

Lest we think this is all just a chick thing, Marat Safin chimed in last week declaring the ATP tour too is full of loners in the locker room. "Nobody is friends with anybody," said Safin.  "Everyone travels with his group, there is no more friendship like when I could hang out with [Patrick] Rafter or [Mark] Philippoussis.  I don't have any friends on the tour."
...

"Sometimes it's really tough," says Cibulkova.  "Like at Roland Garros, I played against Agnes Szavay to go into the quarterfinals.  We're great friends, and to be against her on this very important match, it was tough.  But I handled it.  At first she was pissed.  We didn't actually look for each other in the locker room.  A few days after she was fine, she said well done."
...
It's that inability to separate the professional from the personal that motivated Ivanovic's original statement.  One she stands by.  "Obviously there are friends [on tour]," Ivanovic elaborates for the Sweet Spot.  "You chat with all the girls here.  [But] it's very hard to build a close friendship.  A friendship that would last after a tennis career.  It's very hard because of [that] competition."

So what you're saying is that *after* tennis you and Dina will be BFFs?  Sigh.  Fine, I'll take it.

Oh, and just because I can and should, y'all should follow James on Twitter.  You'll thank me later: http://www.twitter.com/JamesLaRosa

MaKiri + Aga = Hilarity

Yan and Chuang somehow survived this...

To get this:

Congrats to them because they totally deserved it, bageling MaKiri and Agi in the first set and them taking the super-tiebreak.

These two somehow win doubles matches despite the fact that Aga insists on trying to be the "better doubles player" but kinda sucks.  MaKiri on the other hand is just a quintessential doubles player.  She just has such great court sense.  But then Aga decides that she'd like to run across the net to poach a ball she has no business poaching and leaving the cross court wide open.

But they're still hilarious to watch.  It's weird to think what the hell these two have to talk about but they're actually quite talkative with each other.  And MaKiri smiles quite a bit when she's playing with Agi.  I think they're planning to play together in Cincy.  MaKiri said that since they've been playing together they keep making finals so they'll just keep on going.

"He's Such a Copycat."

A few of you have written inquiring as to when the next installment of the Forty Deuce podcast would be up.  Here's the deal: It is SUPER awkward to do a podcast by yourself.  And with my partner in crime (heh), Love All, off at an undisclosed location for much of this year, I've had to shelve the podcasts.  Unfortunately my dog has very little to say about tennis.

But you can't say that I don't listen so here's the next installment, wherein I've roped in Forty Deuce regulars Sodapop, Carrie, and Victoria, to talk about everything from my general apathy towards Ana's losses, illegal immigration, and Stan's second fiddle, to how badly the WTA marketing department has failed, our love for tennis umpires, and the intimate details contained in Sodapop's diary.  You'll have to excuse any technical issues.  I'm still trying to master it all.  But I'll get it all worked out and I can promise your tech savvy and topically focused p-casts in the future.

I'm warning you, it's a long one and very WTA heavy.  Perfect for sitting in traffic while you're on your way to wherever you don't want to be.

Download Here.

Outclassed.

 

Different tourney, same result.

Question: When is the last time you remember Agi taking down a major scalp?  And I don't mean a slumping Ana from a couple of months ago.  I mean a legit, sit up and take notice, she's so wily and crafty, win?  I can't remember any significant takedown since Masha two years ago.  Sometimes I feel like she's still trading on that win. 

But anyway, once again, Agi was completely outclassed by Venus at a major.  Maybe this is just a pure matchup problem, but I'm definitely on the "SELL" side of A-Rad.  I'm just not feeling it anymore.  I like you for your off-court artistic skills and your propensity to stink-eye, neither of which require you to hold a racquet.

As for Venus, that's 30 straight sets on grass.  She hasn't lost here since 2006 when she lost to JJ (or Ana, if you believe the LA Times).  I don't generally like watching either Williams Sister on any surface, but I do like watching Venus on grass. 

It's pretty:

Good stuff.

Pic This: "It's Business, It's Business Time..."

The BEST.DAY.EVER. started with a whimper and ended with a bang. 

We can't have it all, people.


Unless your name is Mirka.  In which case, you *can* have it all.

 
Um.  No thank you.


"You want a piece of this?"

It's official.  Tennis needs to have pre-match staredowns, a la boxing.  Because they are both awesomely intense and you never know if you're about to watch a sporting event or porn.  So, win-win!

Shhh!  Do you hear that?  Listen oh so carefully and you can hear the sound of a thousand blades of grass screaming.

Yes.  He did it again.  Oh, and FYI, reporters, "slapping the bull" is nothing even close to resembling "The Robot."  Come on.

Did anyone else think it was really inappropriate for the world feed cameras to be shooting Ana all gyno style?  Show some class, fellas.

Seriously?  What is this, 2002?


Yes, she won.  No I have no idea when she's due.


But what does it all mean....


Yeah, so I'm gonna need some of that in and or around the general vicinity of my JJ area.


Sometimes it's really creepy how much Andy looks like Judy.  Oh, and while I'm at it...

K.SEARS IS WAY HOTTER THAN B.DECKS!!! Suck it!


Yes, Tranny scares me.  But she has one of the most awesome "Win Smiles" in the game.  Pure joy.

 
Open your heart, Andy.  Let us in.

In an unfortunate setback for race relations, Venus and Serena double bageled Jay-Z & Co.  Thanks a lot ladies. 

So...you refuse to sign with a clothing company but an insurance company with a lizard mascot put together a deal that sounded appealing to you?  O...k....

Oh, Dina.  Inapporpriate.  In.a.propriate.  Besides, Momo has no idea what that means.

Sleepers

Agi and Lena are quietly into the quarterfinals via straight set wins.  Agi took care of Melanie Oudin in two tough sets 64 75, and Lena dispatched Vez 1 and 3.

Agi will play Venus next.  Lena on the other hand looks well on her way to making her second straight Wimbly semis.  She'll play the winner of Tranny/Gypsy.

Pole Position

Nice profile by the NY Times on the Polish surge in the WTA. 

Dear Adidas: Just give the Rads and CanWoz a contract already.  Then you'd have all 5, which would be like grabbing the entire side of a Monopoly board (I'll leave it to you guys to decide whether it's the "Park Place" side or the "St. James Place" side).

CanWoz Is Doping. You Heard It Here First.

Fantastic run for my favorite Canuck.  There's just something so damn likeable about her.  The French-Canadian-Polish accent, the perpetual smile, the little extra chub, the completely mismatched and out of season Adidas gear.  What's not to love?  So good on her for this impressive run.  Just goes to show that on fast(ish) surfaces, she's a dangerous lurker.  Remember what happened last year in Stanford?

So we get yet another Woz-Woz matchup.  I wonder if CanWoz was waiting courtside to give Caro a high five this time.  Yeah, probably not.  We all know how that worked out last time.

As for the other semi it'll be an all French affair (seriously, why can't you girls play on CLAY?).  I guess I'll go with the Gypsy on this one, mainly because she dumped A-Rad out today.  Can't wait to see Agi's artistic rendering of that one.

(6) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (Q) Ekaterina Makarova (RUS) 63 62
Virginie Razzano (FRA) d. (8) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 76(5) 75
Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) 61 64
Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) d. (Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) 61 60

But What Is That Annoying Sound In The Background?

Wow, you get really close to the action at the Eastbourne practice courts. I want to go to there. Here's Momo and Nads practicing.

Nads and Bethanie

AI practicing with Cahill.

Sveta and CSN.

Cones, Snot Rocket, and the Rads.

Rad, Stosur, and I can only assume Stubbsy there in the background.

JJ with, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, *not* Ricardo Sanchez.

Pic This: Fucking Clay

Uh...

He looks retarded.  I laughed.  Not proud of it.

Just do it, Wilson.

Jo just really likes biting balls.

I'm sure Agi doesn't mean it, but she just has the best unintentional Bitch Face on tour.

Coming soon to a billboard over Beijing.  Or, you know, not.

I just want to tackle and lick him.  Or lick his...wait, what were we talking about?

Not exactly Crazy-Eyez Fed.  But we're getting there.

"Oh my goooooodness."

"Code Violation: Fashion Don't. Warning, Miss Radwanska."

So, yeah yeah yeah, there was a match between Kuzzy and Aga today, and it was really important because they'd both been playing well coming in and Aga's won 3 of their last 4 matches, and if either of them were going to move on, they both needed a good challenge from a strong player to really test where they are in their games.

But it got about 14 million times better because MO WAS UMPING!!!!  Seriously, this is the trade-off.  I'm willing to put up with the lack of on-court coaching entertainment at Slams if it means I can have Mo umping WTA matches.  What Aga was wearing today wasn't even that bad...

(Exhibit A)

... but Mo would be just the guy to straighten her out.  Dude, that woulda been awesome.  (Although, he clearly hasn't seen the TTC Rad Sisters profile, because he insisted on pronouncing her name Rad-VAN-ska, not Rad-VINE-ska.  Pfffft.)

Anyway, it was sort of a crazy match, always all about Sveta.  She was just sane enough to get the first set.  Lost it in the second and pulled it back together in the third (after pulling Ye Olde Lena D and going to change after the second set).  Good for her to know she can lose it a bit and still pull out a fairly solid win over a tough opponent, but the whole match was still kind of random.  

Her presser, as always, was full of awesomeness.  This was my favourite:

Q. Can you talk about the coaching relationship, how that's going and what you're learning?

SVETLANA KUZNETSOVA: It's going great. I enjoy working with Larisa, because she's not only my coach, she's my friend. This is great. For me, atmosphere in the team, it's means alot.
Now I have my hitting partner, which is 22, my massagist [sic] which is 24. So it's funny, you know. In some way I just start to think about it right now, and it's very funny. But I enjoy it so much. I cannot explain it.

Q. Why is that funny?

SVETLANA KUZNETSOVA: Because everybody is so young. We're like in school almost. A little bit grown school.

Q. Are you the school teacher or are you the student?

SVETLANA KUZNETSOVA: I'm medium. I'm in between. Larisa is the mama of us, kind of. No, she's not definitely mama. She's like my sister, but older sister which tells me what to do sometimes.

LOL.

Radness.

TTC's profile on the Sisters Radwanska (that's "Radwineska" in case you're wondering). Best part? Agi taking a chomping bite out of that pizza.

More Top Notch Reporting

From CNN:

Phew. No Pompous Commercials.

Looks like Baby E didn't sign an endorsement deal so much she just decided to buy some NetJet time. 

Does this mean that A-Rad just bought a watch? 

Thanks again for posting, Curtis.

You Gotta Buy The Bra Before You Buy The Shirt, Girl.

Well holy schneikies.  A-Rad has a sponsor!  Maybe now she'll finally have matching clot--

Oh.  A watch sponsor?  Uh.  Nevermind.

Pic This: Rome If You Want To

It's just so damn poetic.  You can't make this shit up.

  
So.  Close.


What the what was going on Vika's quarterfinal match? 
All I have are pictures of her with her ass on the clay. Not that I'm complaining.

 
Does anyone really know where JJ's game currently ranks relative to the other ladies? 
I'm finding it really hard to handicap her chances at RG. 

Also?  With as much hairspray as you use on that ponytail,
I really don't think you should be noshing on it, honey.


LOLZ.

Get a sponsor, Agi.


Come on, ladies.  Get it together for RG.  Stop being retarded in third sets.


The Cone won!  And then she lost.


Not sure I'll ever get sick of Dina's "Ecstasy on Clay" modern art piece.

 
So.  Close.

Fed Cup Foto Fun

Sigh.  I'm really sad that I was too drunk and hungover to enjoy this round of Fed Cup in any meaningful way.  I guess I'll just have to piece it all together CSI style:

  
I love how JJ gets away with this shit.  Classic.


"Pop the corks, boys.  Mama's thirsty!"


Sigh.  Oh, Chakky.


"It's the one that says 'BADASS MUTHAFUCKA', motherfucker!"

 
"Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry."


Heeeeeeeeere's Kimmy!

(Also, I'm pretty sure there's a gyno joke I could make but seriously,
I'm not firing on all cylinders quite yet.)

 
Rad!


"Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!"


It takes a pretty dress and a million dollar smile, too.


Huh?  What's Bepa doing here?


All that's missing is a can of Fosters.


Liezel rocks her O face.


Heh.  Heh heh.  The world is changing, indeed.
 

Acne, cold sores, and manhands.  I don't think you're ready for this jelly, World Group.

I'm A Little Worried About The Kids These Days

Getty Images seems to think this Jersey hooker with a heart of gold is Dina. 
No, go ahead, keep laughing.  I'll wait.


... 
...
...
...yeah.  I got nothin'. 


Here's the thing, Boots.  You're actually a really adorable kid.  But wearing a punk-dyed wrinkly Hefty bag is not the way to go.  Methinks the Adidas Player Development program needs a style component.  This is just...bad.


Oh of course you did, Domi.  You just can't help yourself, can you?

(Pics from Great Tennis Photos)

Random Smatterings From Around The IW Grounds

I will always, always, always love Agi's "who farted" face.  It pwns.

 
Rafa's butt.

Muzz looking good in red while practicing with a shirted (!) Ross.

The Kaiser of Techno trying to jog off his loss to Fer.

Dani heading to practice.

MaKiri noshing on a Drumstick while on her way to watch Igor play Lubey.

"Is now a good time for an autograph?  Oh you can't hear me?  Cool."

New Forty Deuce fave Anastasia Pavlychenkova.  That's the last time you'll see me spell that.  She shall heretoforth be known as "Latisha".  Look it up.

Momes having a grand ole time, playing soccer and pulling a Chastain.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

Could Those Shorts Get Any Shorter?

Agi on the practice court with Pops. No sign of Uzi. Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

I Do Not Know What Goes On In This Girl's Head.

Dude. Aga. IT'S A HARD COURT TOURNAMENT!

UPDATED: Where's Sydney Bristow?

Pictures from the K Swiss charity event last night. 

Wow, Caro REALLY is gunning to be the next Ana, no?  Adidas gear, working with Sven, crushing on Rafa, and now fashion coordinating with Fer?  I'm getting shades of All About Eve.

But let's get to the real awesomeness of this event:

Uh...Donal Logue, Michael Vartan, PHM, and Fer, all in one picture?  HELLO!!!


What the what?


Nom, nom, nom.


But of course, once again, there can never be too much awesomeness in one place. 

Lance Bass?  Really? 

UPDATED: For more pics of Marat, Nole, Bepa, and everyone, go to Great Tennis Photos.  I would post them but you know me, no likee the watermarks.

Houston, We Have an Upset

Well our first top 10 upset goes to A-Rad.  She lost a three setter to K Bond, 76 46 61.  A breadstick in the third set?  Someone should probably work on her fitness.  That's just sorry.

Lena D had a tense first round match too and the way she played she should be out of the tournament.  She pulled out a tense one 76 26 61 over Barrois.  She was sluggish in her movement and just seemed all discombobulated on the court.  Barrois actually had a 5-3 lead in the first set before Lena came back.  Hopefully this scares the crap out of her and she wakes up for her second match.

Agi's A Bit Of A Hypocrite.

Here's a link to a rough translation of the extensive interview Agi gave to a Polish newspaper.  My highlights:

Which question don't you like most?

- Absolutely number 1 is: "What happened in the second game of the third set when you played THIS forehand. Or: "Why you didn't shoot ball at line in third game". I hate such questions because tennis match is a composed thing. Right, single actions decide but you must see the wholeness and not one action. One of tv channels asked: "Who would you never loose to?". My dad stood near and he said that to Jadwiga Jędrzejowska. They didn't get a hanging that she's dead. (!!!) I am also irritated that sometimes there are journalists who don't know tennis at all! I appreciate that they are interested in me but it would be right to know what's WTA Tour or Grand Slam. One lady didn't know who's Justine Henin (!!!). I thrilled.

Soccer

- I hate it. I'm annoyed that it's so terribly overrated.

So such matches like defeat in II round of Miami to 15-year-old Portugal Larcher de Brito are not in your mind?

- Weak matches happen to everyone. When you don't have a forehand you'll manage nothing. I don't know why it happened in Miami. A week before in Indian Wells I play great, I was in QF. Additionally, de Brito is not 15! She and her coach claims so but noone believes it. (!!!)

In which smaller tournaments will you play?

- Surely in Warsaw because it's the only tournament where I can show my game to polish people. I wanted to go to Pattaya where I won last year but I couldn't. Vera Zvonareva wanted to play there. She's ranked higher than me so she has a priority.

I meaned rather sport issues eg. serve. I know it's irritable topic...

- Nobody is ideal. I serve worse than Serena Williams, but she moves on the court worse than me. I agree with my dad that with my bodyshape I would have to turn into cyborg on the gym. I don't have the strenght or posture of Venus Williams but it doesn't mean I can't serve. I am annoyed with the people who don't know tennis well. My serve is technical, rotating, with "kick". In TV it looks like as if ball was slow hovewer it's not so in reality. Elena Dementieva serves in similar way, she's ranked higher than me and noone asked her everywhere: "Why do you serve so weakly?"

Do you agree with your father's policy not to connect you with manager agency?

- Yes, aggencies arrange the contract but they take your independence. I know a lot of tennis players who signed the contracts on the beginning of their careers and now they regret because they could to it on better conditions. Agencies begin to decide instead of us. Roger Federer is a good example. He signed the contract when he was number 1. There are always pros and cons always. But now we're waiting.

Doesn't 10th racket of the world need a bigger staff of people?

- It's the next thing we are persuaded and which I don't really understand. On the tournaments you play, you don't train. You can have a staff of people at home. We have a such one.

General coach wouldn't help?

- Sometimes we take someone eg. to Miami. But in general, the specialists from various things are everywhere - physiotherapeutists, masseurs. They are the best, WTA assures so. There are also sparingpartners. The freshness is the most important on the tournaments. There's no need training on the gym or runnin in the forest

You know what?  You're right, Agi.  People NEVER ask Lena D. about her weak ass serve.  Good observation.  And yeah, Roger NEVER had a sponsor before he became #1.  Good call.  And yeah, you probably shouldn't hit the gym or the track too much.  Good plan.

I get that she wants to be rebel and do things differently.  But when you look around and see everyone else putting together teams, hiring fitness coaches, getting leaner and stronger and fitter, don't you think that maybe that shit is important for elite success?  It's like in law school.  Everyone was in study groups, so I joined a study group.  Then I quickly realized that I hated studying in a group and it was a complete waste of time, so I quit the study group and just studied on my own, which was rare.  So I did it my own way, but it didn't mean I didn't study.  What I am I rambling about?  I have no clue.

I do love that she has a chronic case of verbal diarrhea.  Keeps it fun.

Air Quotes: Agi Drops Truth Bombs. Truth Bombs We Already Know.

"Some Russians are specific. Sharapova is inaccessible. She's always keeping herself out of the way. She's friends with no one. Chakvetadze is very similar. Kuznetsova, on the other hand, is great! She's funny and always the life and soul of the party. Dementieva is also very likable. She's like a normal girl from the neighborhood."

-- A Rad, on the Russian players.

Pic This: Agi and Uzi Go Crazy With The Flat Iron

 

 

Since When Does Agi Have An "Ever Present Smile"?

Matt Cronin previews 2009 for the ladies:

1. Jelena Jankovic: Let's begin with the positives: Jankovic became the first Serbian in history to end the year at No. 1 and really went hard after the top ranking following Wimbledon. Even though she frequently complains about nagging injuries, she shows up week after week and punches the time clock, mostly with a positive attitude. She is by no means a standout No. 1, but she's a terrific defensive player who can capably mix in high-octane offense. Jankovic does have the tools to win her first major and could do so in 2009, but she cannot afford to play scared at crunch time like she did in Paris and New York.


2. Serena Williams: For those who have closely followed the younger Williams' career, 2008 is the season where she deserved the heartiest pats on the back, as she drove herself harder than she ever has in order to snare another major title. After eight months of fits and starts and some extremely tough losses, all her hard work paid off when she won her third U.S. Open title. Williams all but packed it in after that, but with a continued commitment she should win her 10th Slam in '09. If she does, she will all but have sewed up the unofficial title of being the best player of an extremely good generation.
   
   
3. Dinara Safina: A tremendous four-month stretch that included runs to the French Open and Olympic finals and titles in Berlin, Los Angeles, Montreal showed that in tip-top shape, the tall Russian is capable of great things. But while she picked up her chin at some of the year's biggest events, she also fell short, which indicates that she's not bubbling with self-belief yet. Without question, she has the on-court tools to go a step further in 2009. Now it's up to Safina to take a page from her Slam-winning brother Marat's book and close the deal.
   
   
4. Elena Dementieva:  She finally achieved one of her biggest goals by winning the Olympic gold medal, but at the age of 27, the fleet Russian likely doesn't have more than two years to meet her other two goals, reaching No. 1 and winning a Slam. Dementieva showed in Beijing that she is capable of both accomplishments, but she has to put her nose and mind to the grindstone for an extended period next year if she doesn't want to retire a barely decorated competitor.
   
   
5. Ana Ivanovic:  The sweet-as-pie Serbian roared out of the 2008 gates, reaching the Aussie Open final, winning Indian Wells and then her first major at the French Open. Then, it appeared that she had finally reached her potential and would become a more consistent player. But after sustaining a thumb injury prior to Wimbledon, she collapsed mentally and wasn't really heard from until the end of the year, and even then, she did little to impress. There is no doubt that by improving her serve and coming to net more that Ivanovic could be a primetime contender at every Slam, but as bright as she is off court, she doesn't play smart nearly enough. Ivanovic must open her mind to new strategic possibilities in 2009.
   
   
6. Venus Williams:  It's a virtual toss-up between Venus and her sister Serena for Player of the Year honors, but by winning her fifth Wimbledon title at the season-ending WTA Championships in Doha, Venus grabbed two of the year's six biggest crowns, which no other player was able to do. Week to week, the 28-year-old is no longer a dominant player, but when she's healthy and employing her spiced-up net attack, she's as good, if not better, than any player on the planet. But it would be nice to see her win another hard-court Slam, a feat that has eluded her since 2001.
   
   
7. Vera Zvonareva:  One of five Russians in the top 10, Zvonareva rediscovered her love of competition and fought as hard as she ever has in her career in 2008. Somewhat introverted, she has no love of the biggest stages, but she's a ferocious inside-the-baseliner and can take down any elite competitor when she's not being touted as the favorite. Next year will tell the tale as to whether she can withstand the pressure of being an elite player again.
   
   
8. Svetlana Kuznetsova:  A truly disappointing year for the 2004 U.S. Open champ, who ended the year without a title and then waved goodbye to her longtime coaches at Spain's Sanchez-Casal academy. Now she has gone back to her Russian roots by returning home in the offseason and hiring Olga Morozova to coach her. Hopefully, Morozova will be able to pull the self-confidence that Kuznetsova has been sorely lacking out of her student's stubborn head.
   
   
9. Maria Sharapova:  A season which began brilliantly with her third Grand Slam title at the Aussie Open, an astounding first appearance on the Russian Fed Cup team and her first clay-court title in Amelia Island ended miserably when Sharapova suffered a tear in her right rotator cuff and was unable to compete past the first week of August. The only positive that might arrive from being unable to serve during much of the fall is that she'll be forced to improve her all-around game. But if the world's most endorsable women's athlete doesn't come back at full strength or very near to it and is unable dominate in her service games, she'll be hard-pressed to snare the No. 1 ranking, or even win another major. She's an incredible fighter and manages the court better than she used, but she's for all intents and purposes a power player and given that she's not particularly fast or durable, it's hard to see Sharapova remaining a super-elite player by contesting long, exhausting rallies from the baseline. But if her shoulder does heal, grant her another Slam title in 2009.
   
   
10. Agnieszka Radwanska:  The only teenager in the top 10, this creative and scrappy Pole is much tougher inside than her ever-present smile would indicate. She doesn't have huge overall weapons, but Radwanska plays smart, is very steady and understands her weaponry. At this point it doesn't look like she's Slam-winning material, but if she can grow in confidence and hit out on key shots, a visit to the top five isn't out of the question in 2009.

There's Gonna Be A Lot Of Leftover Guac To Eat.

Pics from the Pajama Party/End of the Year Player Party. 
 

Where is everybody?  Oh, hail no.  First Lady Dinara went through a lot of effort to put this party together and not even Lena or JJ show up?  Y'all made a big mistake.  Dinara's so gonna pull a Kelly Kapoor on you next year. 

Watch your backs.