Sometimes you just gotta do it.
We've all been there. What started out as a perfectly pleasant afternoon of day-drinking and fun in the sun has suddenly taken a dodgy turn. Next thing you know, you've doing eight car bombs in the span of an hour and a half* and the bar that seemed to be kinda cool and retro at the start of the night, now feels claustrophobic, creepy, and it may or may not reek of piss and puke and be full of stripe-shirted I-banking douchebags that you want to punch in the face.
How did I get here? When did my life come to this? What is my best exit strategy?
So there's that 30-45 minute window where, you're kinda convinced you can buckle down and wait out the storm. For some that means finding a quiet corner and dozing off for a bit. For others, it means standing in front of a firepit, staring deeply into the flames for a good hour. Still some might just put on a happy face and just try and pretend they're not as fucked up as they are, chattering and dancing about as if they're fooling anyone but really just slurring, spilling, and falling down a lot.
But dudes. PSA time. It all ends the same. No matter how you try and ride that wave to safety, it will always crash ashore. If you don't catch it in time, you're going to be the laughing stock of your friends forever. You're going to be known as the guy who passed out on the red leather couch like a beached whale, unconsciously puking up over the sides as if an invisible ghost was pumping your stomach. Or maybe you realized it all just in time to have made your way to the bathroom, lock yourself into it, and proceed to projectile vomit for a good 45 minutes as the bouncer threatens your friends that he's going to call 911 because at this point, your non-responsiveness is threatening upon "medical emergency".* Either way, these moments of crisis are best experienced alone and not in front of an audience.
So way to get yourself off the court ASAP and not puke in front of thousands of people, let alone millions watching at home, Petko. Do you know how quickly that puke would have gone viral?
Petko being the self-aware Petko, totes knew it:
"I felt so embarrassed. The last two points I was like, Okay, what are you going to do? Is it more embarrassing running off the court like a maniac or throwing up on the court and being on SportsCenter for the next 25 years? I was like, Yeah, running off the court is better, so that's what I did."
Good plan. Puking on court is no way to introduce yourself to the world as the first German to make the top 10 since 2000.
(Pic: Mercury Insurance Open FB Page)