Serena's post-match presser was a riot. At least I thought it was. I think it got to the point where Serena kept shooting me weird looks every time I started giggling. I'm sorry, but the woman is both intentionaly and unintentionally funny.
The black and white quotes don't do this presser justice. I'll just acknowledge that right now. I've been told that the Bank of the West Classic FB page will post some video, which is key because seriously, Serena's facial expressions were comedy enough. But if the audio doesn't hit the Net soon (sorry guys, but I'm gonna give some lead time to the guys and gals who did all the heavy lifting at the presser), I'll try and get it up in a few days.
Huge credit to Matt Cronin. I know he's a polarizing figure in the tennis fan world, but he's the one who decided to go along with Serena's Mexican food obsession, which in turn relaxed her a bit and probably caused her to be more open than she was at the beginning.
A few choice quotes:
On whether she thinks she can win the US Open:
"It's a long way to go. It's about the climb. It's not a matter of how fast you get there, it's just the getting there. So we'll see."
On today's matc--oh look, a fly:
"I really didn't think I played great today. I think I played good in the first set but you gotta play two sets to play a match, at least in women's tennis. So...something smells really good in here, I'm so hungry. Oh my God. Where is that from, Chipotle or something? God. Jeez. So mean. Yeah, D at best. I definitely didn't do well."
Q: So are you a Chipotle addict?
A: No, actually, no I'm not. In LA they always have the hole-in-the-wall little Mexican restaurants, which are the best. And then the taco trucks. So I'm that kind of girl.
Q: You eat off the taco trucks? That's a risk.
A: A risk I am willing and have taken.
Q: So what do you have? Carne Asada?
A: No I always get either chicken or sometimes bean and cheese. Cuz I don't eat meat. So I'll just do that. Sometimes I have shrimp. But not usually.
Q: You have shrimp off the truck?
A: Somtimes. The one by the Staples center. That's the better one.
Q: Hot salsa?
A: Ooooooh yeah. With the hot stuff? Oh my God. I live on it. I live on that stuff.
On a reported quote that said she was so sick of being injured she'd even be willing to play IW:
I said I would consider playing Indian Wells? I must have been high on medicine [laughter]. Or something just as nice. No chance. I must have been either misquoted or literally on meds. I mean, Indian Wells is a great place, I guess, but just not for me. That's so 2000 [laughter]. I'm not going back there. It's 2011.
On her alleged differences with Masha:
I've never been against her or anyone else on this tour. Just because I give 200% out there or just because I'm fighting and saying 'come on', I think sometimes the media want to make something out of nothing. I'm always saying hi to everyone in the locker room. I leave it on the court. That's how I am. So for me it's never been anything personal or non-personal.
She's a nice person, I think. She's quiet, but hey, so am I sometimes, especially before a match. Plus it was good to see a familiar face [at the ESPYs]. I was sitting so close to Justin Bieber and I wanted to meet him so bad. I was too stupid and nervous to say anything. And I saw Maria and I said 'Oh yay.' so I went 'Gosh I wish you could sit next to me then we could both gather enough...' -- I'm sure she wouldn't have been nervous but I was thinkin' 'man, that would have been a lot easier.'
On the Bieb being a bit young for her:
I mean, yes, I don't like him like that. I'm a cougar but not that much [laughter]. Oh man. Not that much of a 'coug'.
On playing Masha on Friday:
"When I'm playing anyone I'm going to go there and do the best that I can do, as well as she is. She's gonna probably look at me as the ultimate enemy out there, as I will do the same with her. And we're going to do the best that we can do each. Like I said, it's nothing personal. This is a job for me and I'm trying to get paid. I've been off a year."
On who controls the relations between her and Venus:
"Hmmm. I don't know because I wanted to have two stories on our house and she wanted one and we have one story. And every time I wanted to change something, like I wanted to build a guest house outside, and she said no. So we don'thave one outside. So I'm starting to think she wears the pants in our relationship [laughs]."
On the 2004 Wimbledon final vs. Masha:
"Nothing comes as a shock to me. You have nothing to lose. I mean, I blew it. It was a great match."
On what would be a satisfying result after Friday's QF:
"I mean, hello? A loss? [laughs] Yeah, I would be so happy. Yeah a lot of people say [the important thing is to play well]. I lie when I say that. Just to lie. I don't know why. I'm gonna stop lying now."
And as she said that, she got up and left without the presser officially ending. You deserve to drop the mic on that one, Serena. Hell of a show.
(Pic: Forty Deuce)