Yeah yeah yeah. It's late and no one cares about the Wimby player party anymore. BUT I HAVE THINGS TO SAY. So here we go.
Not digging the hair, but the dress is colorful, young, and fun. It kind of makes me want a strawberry daiquiri. Or a Jamba Juice. It is also just begging for a nip-slip. No word on whether that happened but if it didn't I would very much like to know the name of the fashion-tape manufacturer. I have a roof that needs to be reshingled to withstand gale force winds.
Sometimes people get scared of fashion. Like, they find it to be this weird place with weird people with weird vocab who make things that look pretty fucking weird and yet the world jizzes itself upon their unveiling and it makes you feel dumb cuz you don't get it. So people (like how I'm using anonymous "people" to make my argument? Stay with me.), being scared because they don't want to sound like a doof, basically excuse anything that looks nutty as "avant garde" which, apparently, automatically means it's amazing and good.
I mean, it's bullshit is what I'm saying.
Fashion, like any creative art, is obviously very subjective. But it's not *completely* subjective. I don't fucking care that Bethanie is awesome or that this was designed by Gaga's designer. THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES FOR CRAP. I mean, first of all, LITERAL MUCH??? Oh, you came dressed like a tennis ball because you are a tennis player who hits tennis balls about to play at a tennis tournament and this party has lots of tennis people who are also going to hit tennis balls at this tennis tournament and everyone loves tennis and oh yeah tennis. This is *literally* literal.
Second, aside and apart from the concept, let's go to construction. Did Alex Noble sit in his minimalist industrial loft in Hell's Kitchen with a can of tennis balls, an exacto knife, and a glue gun? The skirt is fine and whatever, I guess, but that whole tennis ball bustier fringe action is horrible. I can totally see Nina Garcia giving crazy stinkface as this goes down the judging runway. Auf Wiedersehen!
Last, concept and construction down, it just looks bad. People can talk about how they admire Bethanie for having the courage to wear it and that the courage itself should win the day. But dudes, I think it's really courageous for someone to walk around naked in a public space. Doesn't mean that I also don't think "Dude, have some self-respect. Stop trying so hard to attract attention. It's pathetic. Put some clothes on."
Ok, so it's Caro, right? So we totally know it could be worse. The fact that Stella didn't tack on a ruffle or 3000 to this thing is a victory. From this angle the dress looks nice. I actually quite like it. It drapes beautifully and I'm a sucker for that shit. But from the front it looks completely wonk. The waistline is all crooked and I can't tell if it's a Stella affectation or Woz is wearing it wrong.
As for the hair, look. I'm struggling to be nice here, really. But let's just say that Woz has a certain facial feature that is only highlighted when you put her hair up like that. Let it down, let it loose, and I think she could have really rocked this look.
Upshot: Lots to like, lots to hate, and in the end the look fell short. Sound familiar?
Aw, look! Cones came straight from Bible study. Bless her little occasion-inappropriate Sookie-chic sundress.
Pfft. You're no fun. Flawless. Whatever.
Not gonna lie, I held my breathe when I heard you were going, Frank. But well done. The toenail polish was a great touch.
Rebecca Marino. Girl cleans up well! Totally adorable, Sherbatsky.
You camping in the queue later?
Hmmm. Lots going on here. And I do think Petko totally owned it in the way the Courtney Love owned ratty, old, puke-stained, babydoll dresses and smeared mascara and lipstick in the early 90s. But unless this hasn't been photographed well I kiiiiiinda don't get it. Was the dress *that* pale a shade of pink?
It doesn't look bad and Petko works it. But there's something not right and I can't put my finger on it.
Wear the dress, Pavs. Don't let the dress wear you.
One day you're going to do something that affords me the opportunity to rip on you. Today is not that day.
Nothin' to hate on. Move along.
I'm going to go ahead and guess that Sania just figured everyone would be staring at that ginormous rock on her finger to not notice her homage to curtains, potato sacks, and tan lines. LOOK AT THOSE TAN LINES. I mean...HOW CAN YOU NOT.
I have to give credit, generally, to most of the ladies who did a great job of picking out dresses and shoes to hide their lines, but Sania? Nah. She's just badass like that, I guess.
You look great, Serena. A little different in the face (yeah, I said it) but great.
Lookin' good, Sorana. All that's missing is a Phantom of the Opera mask.
Cute dress, don't really understand the shoes. But Tsvetana is mad pretty so she can pretty much pull of whatever. Also, I don't know why, but she totally has a Gretchen Wiener vibe.
People seem pretty split on JJ's. Count me in the "meh" group.
So there you go. My totally late and completely irrelevant thoughts on the player party fashion. Thought the WTA did a great job promoting it though, and you could tell a lot of thought and hard work went to putting this thing together. Outfitting the top players alone must have been a pain.
As it turns out, the WTA auctioned seven dresses off for charity. Unsurprisingly, Masha's McQueen came in tops at $1,040, Ana's came in third at $760, and somewhat surprisingly, Robbo's McQueen came in second at $800. That's a ridiculous steal for any of those dresses.
(Pics: Getty, Reuters)