I'm not proud that I took part in this charade, but I did. And the whole Halpert/Petko Twitter flirtation has now become one of the most uncomfortable things ever. What started out kind of adorable has somehow morphed into this game of who can make the Twitter world yell "GET A ROOM" first.
But really, doesn't this all just seem like the entire German Fed Cup team is just following the whole thing and laughing at John? Which they have every right to do, really. The guy asked a girl who cites Bloc Party and German dance music whether she likes an Avril Lavigne song. He deserves what he has coming. But I totally feel like this is some tween comedy where Petko's going to convince him to strip down, put on her panties, and wait for her blindfolded inside a closet, and the door of that closet will actually turn out to be the entrance to Arthur Ashe.
OMG. I should write movies.
Anyway. Here's their exchange:
(Oh god. Here we go.)
(Petko plays it cool. Totes veteran move.)
...
(DUDE. NO.)
(Oh, clearly you two don't know each other very well.)
(Wait. Canadians think Avril's an upgrade from Celine? Huh.)
(Aaaaand Petko's figured it out.)
(Oh no! You admitted you like the song! Rookie mistake! You can't back out of it now. We are officially upgrading this to Threat Level Midnight.)
(Andrea Petkovic is so awesomely normal.)
(Oh god. This is veering toward the David Brentian level of cringe-worthy. If you suggest a song and a girl starts laughing her ass off, unless it was a track off a Tenacious D record, you're fucked. I mean, insofar as you're not getting fucked. Gently or otherwise.)
(SARCASMO!)
(Translation: Here's why I was being sarcastic. That pop shit ain't my jam.)
(Oh, puppy. So excite!)
...
(Red alert, John. Her friends are getting in on this now.)
(And they're so brazenly fucking with you they're tweeting around you in German but totes letting you know that they're talking about you. This is so pro I can't even high five them enough.)
(Puppy want more treats!)
...
(ROUND 3!)
(Seriously, are you 13?)
(Love that she brought up Avril and the chest business, which let's face it, is comedic genius.)
Oh, Petko. Don't hurt him. He's like a little puppy and you're like...Andrea Petkovic.
Also, if I may take the time for a PSA for the boys: Asking a girl if she likes the new Avril Lavigne song is a really easy way to ensure that you will forever be known among her and circle of friends as "The Avril Dude." The Avril Dude NEVER GETS LAID. Trust.
