Forty Deuce

Pic This: One Less Accessory To Worry About.

Let's be real.  Serena looked HAWT at this pre-Oscar party.  And it looks like she didnt have to bedazzle a boot to match.

Oh, what's that?  Did you just silently ask me what my thoughts were on the Oscars?  You didn't?  Oh, well I don't believe you so I'm going to rant now: Kirk Douglas should have never been on that stage (HAWKWARD), you NEVER play Sorkin off the stage, Melissa Leo's speech was retahded, loved Ben the Baby Daddy helping Natalie up on stage, Colin's speech was so meta, Fincher was ROBBED, and holy shit, Trent Reznor is an Oscar winner.

And let's be real, Toy Story 3 was the best movie of the year.  But seeing as that couldn't win, I'm still bummed about Social Network.

(Pic: Getty) 

 

Hats Off!

And rounding out the weekend of awesomeness, Daveed cemented his spot in "the Conversation" taking out the en fuego Nico (who was going for his third straight title on the red dirt) in three sets to successfully defend his title in Acapulco.  This is definitely Daveed's best start to a season.  We all know the dude's a workhorse.  It's so great to see him play with the confidence, too, coming out on the better side of two tough three setters this week.

Be happy you have a head for that hat, Daveed.

On the ladies side, Gisela won! 

Love the hat, G.  Gangsta.

(Pics: Getty)

That's Just His Face.

He's happy!  I promise!  Either that or he, much like the rest of the world, has no fucking clue what's been handed to him.  Why do tennis tournaments insist on buying their trophies at Good Vibrations?  I hope they sterilized it first.

Delpoooooooooooooooo!

He won!  I can't believe he won.  He did so without dropping a set in Delray Beach.  This is obviously his first title since USO 09 and he's now 4-0 in finals on US soil.  We love you, Delpo.  Please stay.

The win rockets the big man back into the Top 100 at #89.  Three weeks ago he was ranked #484.  How's that for a climb?

(Pics: AP)

Suck It, Courtney.

With pleasure, Bepa.  With absolute pleasure.

What a weekend!  Nole trounces Fed in Dubai and Bepa steps it up and holds her nerve to take out the streaking Caro (who, to be fair, was struggling with a cold or something all week) to finally bag a title and shake that "Titleless #3" that I gingerly placed around her neck on Friday. 

She was, understandably, stoked:

Caro was a bit out of sorts all match, missing balls that she really had no business missing.  But credit to Vera for keeping her level up and capitalizing. 

Crazy happy eyes AND she put a bird on it. 

Perfection.

(Pics: Getty)

This Is My House.

Heh.

12-0 on the year, 2-0 against Fed, and three straight titles in Dubai, bouncing back from a pretty sorry performance in the semis to play some scintillating tennis in the final. 

This is Nole 2.0. 

Upgrade.

(Pics: AP, Getty)

 

Titleless #3 Just Doesn't Have the Same Ring.

If there's anyone who's ok with all the attention being forced on Caro as the Slamless #1, ruiner of women's tennis and sport in general, it's Bepa.  She's now gone a full 52 weeks without a title.  As the #3 player in the world, that's actually kind of crazy. She's a title-less #3.

So let's get off the schnide, Bepa. 

The top two seeds in Doha will have at it tomorrow.  Caro's been absolutely dominant all week, dusting aside Mono, 61 61.  Bepa on the other hand, has had to wiggle out of some tough jams all week.  She had triple break point against her at 4-4 in the third set against JJ today, and somehow slinked out of it to take the final set 64.  She definitely isn't at her best, but her ability to win despite that fact has to give her confidence.

I'm going to give the #1 some respect and tip her for the win.  She's moving really well and seeing the ball so big right now. 

But, you know, go Blue Eyes.

(Pic: Getty, Reuters)

Well, Well, Well....

You know how I said I couldn't wait to see Novak and Roger clash again on hard courts?  Yeah, this is too soon.

Roger's been absolutely clinical this week in Dubai.  Nole's had to fight through tricky draw, and played what he considered his worst match of the year against Tomas, who ended up retiring 2-4 in the third set with a leg injury.  Given their form this week, you have tip Fed.

And yes, that's me trying to jinx him.

They'll clash at 7am ET.  Ajde.

(PIcs: Getty, AP)

Pic This: Don't. Move.

Ok, fine.  This is a pretty remarkable picture.  It's almost creepy how still his head is. 

Almost...robotic.

(Pic: Getty)

It's a Shame I Don't Like Your Tennis.

Caro's been tweeting all week about how a friend gave her an autographed Steven Gerrard jersey in Dubai. So she decided to wear it out on court for her warmup.  It seemed to have worked.  She dusted Flavia with a footie scoreline of 2 and 0.

Between her Serena tweet, this stunt, and her tennis, Caro had a pretty good day.  She's got Mono in the semis.  The player, not the disease.

Cheers to Busted Racquet for finding the footage.

(Pic: Getty)

Serena. For. The. WIN.

See the awesome reactions by Caro and Lindsay, after the jump.

This Is Me Holding My Tongue.

Ok, you guys.  Justine said some things.  She held a 1.5 hour televised interview.  BUT IT WAS IN FRENCH!!!  I don't speak French, which means that I have to rely on second hand translations of what she said, which I'm reluctant to do because if these second hand translations are right, I have many horribly negative things to say.

Things that Justine allegedly said:

• She totally put her hand up against Serena at the French Open, but didn't back down because she was trying to intimidate Serena in the same way Serena tried to intimidate her.
• She totally knew the ball was in against Kim at the Australian Open but tried to influence the line judge to call it out.
• She hopes Kim doesn't keep winning but acknowledges that she is good enough to win 7 more Slams.
• She apologizes to her fans for bolting throught he back door at the airport after she came home from the Athens Olympics.

She has, allegedly, said other things.  Like how she regrets that AO final against Amelie, not because she should have played through and not retired, but because SHE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN AMELIE A WALKOVER.

Ok.  These translations are already pissing me off.  I'm not going to lay into her and call her all the creative names that are running through my head until I see a word for word definive translation of what she said.  But if you speak French, you can watch the entire interview and tell me if I'm wrong.  I am literally begging people to defend Justine here.  Because all this seems like she met with a PR person and her agent, they told her how to handle the interview, AND SHE DID THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE TIMES 10,000,000.

Augh.  Calm.  BUT AUGH.

Required Reading

• Tennis pretty.
• Aga and Ula are no longer agent-less.  They'll be repped by Lagardere.  
• More-dimensional Nole.
• "To see Justine is like watching a rainbow."  Heh.
• Tignor's thoughts on Dubai and Memphis.
• Rick has faith in Nole.
• On the heels of Tignor and Kamakshi's rankings debate, Cronin thinks the rankings system needs overhauling. 
• She kicked out reporters?  So weird.
• So Genie is in TopSpin 4 and Laura is in Virtua Tennis.  Their agents should get raises. 
• In case you haven't noticed, our neighbors to the north are jizzing themselves over tennis.
• Uncle Jamie puts a smackdown on all the "I'M ENTITLED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH SERENA'S FOOT!!!" chatter.
• Citation to Contador aside, interesting observation in Boyfriend's Mailbag on whether the Woz-hating is an American thing.
• My pal Danielle, who I've known for over 10 years, has her own tennis fashion line, Loup.  They're the official clothiers of the Delray Beach Volley Girls.  Go Danielle!
• Non-Required Viewing: "NO!  I don't want to marry you yet.  I want to have a job.  If he says, 'I will not come back go you," FINE!  This is my life!"  This kid rules.
• Non-Required Reading: This type of innovation is why the western world should be scared of China.
• Non-Required Reading: "If these people really cared about stopping abortions and lowering our population crisis, they should stop worrying about women’s bodies and start a campaign encouraging castration."   
• Non-Required Reading: This article is over four years old, but I still love its very true observations of the American workplace.  Through the lens of The Office.

Meanwhile, Everybody Hates Doha.

 

Carnage in Doha today, as Fran lost to Peng, Nails lost to K-Zak, and JJ and Mono destroyed Sania and Shahar, dropping only 2 games combined.  This on the heels of Kuz, Vika, and Bojangles losing on Monday.

Said Fran, in her awesomely Fran way, "I should take some days off, but there is no time...sometimes tennis players can decide, sometimes not. Sometimes you write even when you don't like (it), but you write. It's the same for us."

Message received, Fran.  Rest up for Indian Wells, ladies!

(Pics: Getty)

 

He Came, He Saw, He Came.

You know, if you take the time to position this picture correctly on your desktop, it is pretty amazing.

Go ahead.  I'll wait.

Nole needed three sets to take out an inspired Feli, who was the first player to take a set off Nole in 2011.  After two straight serve and volleyers, Noley's got the tricky Mayer next.  Can we just book him to the finals?

(Pics: Getty)

Paul Smith!

New Bag Checks are up, all filmed at La Costa last year.



I love how Sveta always, always, always sounds drunk.



More like BAGS CHECK.



Wow. Best english from an Asian player by far. Also, that phone is rad.



Ruger!

Welcome Back.

Nole returned to the court for his first match since Melbourne and the dude hasn't changed his kit, his tape, or his shoes since his win.  Unfortunately for people who actually play tennis on the ATP tour, it doesn't look like he's changed his game either.  No major signs of rust against Llodra for the Falconed One. He won 63 63 in 63 minutes.  He's got Feli next.

How cocky am I about Nole's hard court game right now?  I want this guy in the final:

There will be blood.

(Pics: Getty)

Real Tennis Is Hard.

"For me that's not a real match in tennis. I hope to play soon against him in clay court to show him what it is to play tennis, and play rallies, and run, and not [just] serve."

-- Fernando Verdasco, after losing to Milos for the second time in four days in Memphis.

Bellucci d. Verdasco, 62 46 63, 1R, Acapulco.

Maaaaaybe we shouldn't say the first thought that comes to our pretty little brain, huh Fer?

(Pic: AP)

Pic This: I'm Distracted By The Shoes.

Fer and Pico took to the beaches of Dangertown, Mexico to play a little beach tennis. 

Be safe, boys. 

Granny Panties? Sure. Why Not!

Masha's propensity to dress up not like a 23 year-old continues, this time rocking the glamorous "Granny Panty" look.

That said, she looks great.  See the rest of the pics at The Double Bagel.

 

Tuesday Tunes

Bonus: UPGRADE:

Pic This: It's Like "The Cove". But, Like, Opposite. Because It's ADORABLE.

And from his loins, sprang dolphins.

Nole, Jelena, and little brow Marko (!!!) hung out with a dolphin in Dubai.  Yeah, I'd keep an eye on that dolphin too, Jelena.  We don't know what's going on under the water.  Dolphins can get frisky.

WHORE!

(Pics: Getty, AP)

Flirting = Kryptonite.

That pic, while awesome, has nothing to do with what I'm about to say.  But please take the time to enjoy it nonetheless.

Isner lost to T-Gabs in the first round of Delray Beach.  T-Gabs saved four match points and took it in an epic third set breaker that went 15-13.  That's two back-to-back first round losses for the Sexy Chested One, after his five set heartbreaker against Marin in Melbourne . 

Anyway.  Good idea, Steve.

(Pic: Buzzfeed)

Kader Can't Explain For Shit.

Aga lost to Lucie last night. I know. BUT it just isn't an Aga match without some sort of weird, brain-hurting drama.

I mean, I'm pretty sure Kader's right.  But he's the worst explainer of rules in the world. 

Thanks for finding the video, Christina.

Nuzzlin' Nole.

I just...it's too much. Too much.

Thanks to @Noleksa for tweeting.

GOAT Piss(ed).

Heh.

Even Hitler Wants Ana and Novak to Get Married.

He wasn't happy last time.  He wasn't happy this time.  I have to say, I really appreciate his hopefulness.

I love this. So much.

Game Over.

And so it is.  Baby Goran, MANcic, Super Mario, will retire at the age of 26 to The Ordinary Life of Mario Ancic, Esq. (the title of a movie I would totally watch).  It's a sad day.  The dude best known for being the last man until Rafa to beat Roger at Wimbledon (as a teenager in 2002 in his Grand Slam debut on Center Court, no less) was beset with injury through much of his career, most notably the mono he contracted in 2007 that took him out for over two years.  Unfortunately there was always something going with Mario's body.  He was a fragile flower.

But when he was healthy he was a fun guy to root for and to watch.  Playing the classical big serve and volley game that made Goran famous, Mario reached the semis of Wimbledon, the quarters of the French, and capture three ATP titles.  He was also a member of the 2005 Croatian team that took home the Davis Cup, and he holds a bronze medal in doubles with Lubey.  I mean, he was so good that ESPN picked him as a "sleeper pick" for WImbledon in 2009, WHEN HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE TOURNAMENT.

He was that good!

That pretty much sums it up.  He had dedicated fans who appreciated that he was a good guy with a big game.  And he was pretty.  Very pretty.

I'm glad I finally got to see him play in person last year in Indian Wells.  He didn't have the form of the Mario of old, but it was still nice to see his brand of tennis on the courts.  Did I mention he looked REALLY good?

Happy trails, Mario, and thanks for the memories.  You were a pleasure.

Feel free to leave your favorite Mario moments in the comments.  As for me, he's still the subject of one of my favorite tennis pictures of all time.

I remember sitting in my office staring at this picture for a very, very, very long time.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

Pic This: No, Seriously. You Bald.

See?  We have diving in tennis, too!  Except when we do it, no one makes fun of you (*cough*soccer*cough*). 

Unless your name is Gael Monfils.

Pommel!

Oh no...not the hat...NOT THE HAT!

FUCK!  Where's my hat?!?!  WHERE'S MY HAT?!?!??

Phew.  GET ON MY HEAD.

NobodysawanythingnobodysawanythingnobodysawanythingRIGHT???

Yay!

Internal Monologue: "I have no idea what just happened."

"No, but seriously.  Did you guys see what happened?"

"Yeah, your cap fell off and you're bald."

(Pics: AP)

Sad Canadian is Sad.

Rough luck for "The Other Canadian", Rebecca Marino.  Scherbatsky made it all the way through to her first WTA final against Rybarikova, only to have to retire after the first set with an ab injury.  She's withdrawn from Monterey as well in an attempt to heal up for qualies in IW and Miami.

She was very sad.

Hope you get to go to the mall.  It seems to cheer everyone up.  Even robots.

"I'm gonna rock your body 'til Canada Day."  Kills me every damn time.

(Pics: AP)

Required Reading

• If you haven't yet, Petko's official site is totally worth perusing.  Some great pictures, her thoughts on school and music, and just a whole bunch of Petko awesomeness.  She's one of a kind.
• Tignor's thoughts on Dubai.
• Papa Radwanska should know: You can't control a ninja.
• An interesting discussion on rankings systems by Tignor and Tandon.  The Rally is one of my favorite new columns on Tennis.com.
• Another week, another chance to check in on Gauloises' Delpo-meter.
• I'm not ready to buy into this quite yet, but there's something to the argument.  Also that picture of Sam is gaaaaaaaaaah.
• Instead of the book, can I just have that second picture as a life-sized poster?
• Rafa dares lock horns with Keyser Soze.
• Good piece on Milos.  And Bobby Chintapalli's Q&A with Sherbatsky.  Upshot?  She's a normal.  Don't believe me?  Read her WTA Blog from Memphis.
• Bepa diplomatically tries Vegemite.
• This piece of writing is equal parts unintelligible and unintentionally hilarious.  The only excuse is that it must be a bad translation.  But something tells me it's not.
• Non-Required Reading: DudeBros lipdubbing Firework.  I'm kind of flabbergasted.  And impressed.
• Non-Required Reading: I am neither flabbergasted or impressed.  But I'm kind of mesmerized.
• Non-Required Reading: I haven't seen Splice, but this is the funniest thing I've read all year.
• Non-Required Reading: Blasphemy.

Dude. You Bald.

In case you missed it, A-Rod needed 5 match points to take out Milos, 76 67 75. Not just that, but this is the shot he had to hit to seal it.

It's no Fernando around the post in a 5th set tiebreaker at the USO in my humble opinion, but it is absolutely up there.  Incredible.

Credit to both guys.  It was a fun match to watch.  Andy had an energizing run here, beating Lleyton, Delpo, and Milos to take his 30th title.

That's Three.

You keep winning.  And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

(Pic: Reuters)

Pic This: I'll Throw In The Pinky For Free.

"Hey, guys.  How's it going.  The ATP marketing team here.  Yeah, hope the break was nice.  Say, would you mind stripping down, putting on some PJs and a robe and pretend to drink tea with your hot wife while sitting on top of a checkerboard?"

"Absolutely."

(Pics: Getty)

Defending the Crown.

When I was in high school I made my fair share of varsity teams.  I can tell you that I never made those teams on the strength of my offense.  I couldn't hit, I was too short to play front row in volleyball, and I was never a natural striker.  But I could defend the shit out any sport I played.  And I loved it.  There was absolutely nothing I loved more than the look on my opponent's face when their "sure thing"...well...wasn't.

I say all this to give context to my ever-complicated relationship with Caro.  I have absolute respect for the ability to defend.  That shit ain't easy and it takes a certain mindset, one that I identify with, to do it well.  This notion among tennis fans that she has no game, or she doesn't "do anything" is just annoying.  If a player can't beat her, isn't that their problem?  I can't see why it's her problem.  And yet, that seems to be the book on her from a lot of fans.  Every one of her wins is accompanied by fans pulling their hair out, whining about how Caro didn't win, the other player lost.

Believe me, I totally understand this response.  It's totally my knee-jerk response, too.  How many matches has Caro won where the post-match conversation didn't involve Caro?  Hold on, let me count.  1...2...ALL OF THEM.

So consider this my plea for perspective.  You don't ascend to #1 at 20 years old by just showing up and standing there with your hand on your hips.  And credit to Caro, she has the right attitude in the face of her critics:

Q. Do you think it’s unfair when people criticize you or when people talk your game and they say, She gets lots of balls back, but she hasn’t got a big weapon? You’ve got to No. 1 in the world. Do you think that’s unfair when you hear people say that?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Um, well, if I don’t have a weapon, then what do the others have? Since I’m No. 1, I must do something right. I think there’re not actually criticizing me. I think the other players should be offended.

She's absolutely, 100%, nail on the head, right.  I'm not speaking for anyone else but I'm pretty sure I direct my rage/annoyance/disappointment in the performance of my players at her.  That's not fair but it happens.  That seemed to be a tolerable position when she was just an up and coming top 10er, but she's in the penthouse now, and personally, it feels completely disingenuous and unfair to say that now.  She rose to the top with that game.  Be fair and tip your cap. 

I mean, if you want to rip on her, there's always that drunk muppet voice.

Oh, she beat Sveta 1 and 3, by the way.  She'll be #1 through Indian Wells. 

(Pic: AP, Getty)

 

 

Pic This: Let's Check In On Serena and See What She's Up To...

Alrighty then.

The Mascot Is Still Retarded Though.

"I'll play mixed for sure. I'd definitely play if Laura's up for it. I like mixed doubles. I don't think it should be at every tournament but at the major tournaments it's a good thing. It's at the Olympics, so I'd go for it."

!!!

I know it's over a year away, but I'm already so excited for the tennis at the 2012 London Olympics.  Consider me one of those people who consider the Olympics a really really big deal.  I can probably chalk that up to the fact that I was an athlete in high school and the main sports I played (volleyball and softball) didn't have professional leagues.  As most female athletes know, the end all be all is the Olympic games.  So I put them on a bit of a pedestal.

But tennis in London for the Olympics?  This could either be crazy awesome or a complete clusterfuck.  As most know, the tennis event will be held at the AELTC less than a month after Wimbledon.  I mean, first of all, how the hell are they going to get the grounds ready, right?  I've heard that they intend to grow the grass alongside the WImbledon grass and then basically re-sod the active courts for the Olympics.  That sounds...interesting.  But perhaps the craziest thing that I've heard is that the grounds will be completely made over into "Olympic Themed" grounds.  Imagine Centre Court with completely different signage, no purple and green colorways, corporate branding, etc.  Did I just blow your mind?  It could, and probably should, happen.  I mean, it would be weird if the grounds basically *looked* like Wimbledon.

Here's a quick summary of the news out this week regarding the London Olympics.  First off, for those who are lucky enough to entertain the possibility of attending, here's the match schedule.  Second, the ITF and WTA have come to an agreement regarding point distribution for the event.  For whatever reason this was a big deal this week, the argument being that it ensures a full field because the players are now properly incetivized.  But hasn't tennis at the Olympics finally reached that stage of being a prestigious event in and of itself?  I honestly don't think any players were sitting on the fence debating whether they'd try to be there based on points.

Anyway, I'm stoked.  To me there is no greater honor than playing with that flag on your sleeve. 

(Pic: Getty)

JJ and the Art of Distraction.

Classic JJ. Oh, and way to miss the point Caro.

Extra Salt, Extra Butter, Please!

A-Rod beat Lleyton, Delpo beat Russell.  They'll play each other for a spot in the Memphis final.  An interesting fact of note: If Delpo wins the title he's back in the top 100.

The other semifinal sees Legs McGillicuddy vs. Mardy Fish.  I won't be watching that one but I will be rooting for Milos, even if the hype has gotten way out of fucking control.  Slow your roll, people.  Let the Kid build a career before igniting the fan backlash because y'all insist on talking about him like he's Joseph Smith. 

(Pics: AP)

Please Don't Kill Tennis Players. Thanks.

This is disconcerting.  Both the ATP and WTA are headed there next week.

Ok, Yes. I Will Now Buy Your Underwear.

 

Photoshopped-stuffed-underwear Rafa?  No thank you. 

Behind the scenes, grainy, "I'm not even trying" Rafa?  YES PLEASE.

Awww...look at them try and convince the world that he's not balding.  So cute!

Quick Rafa news: He seems to be healing up and is  "confirmed" for Spains Davis Cup tie in March, which presumably means he'll be ok for IW and Miami.  That said, I'm not holding my breath.

(Pics: Vanity Fair)

Kruisy Kuzzy.

It must have felt nice (and different) to get a straight-forward straight-set win for a change, but the ninja  made her work for it.  Sveta has started 2011 with some great matches but not the best results.  But in all of these matches she's unveiled Sveta 2.0, a more focused, more positive, fitter, and smartly aggressive Svetlana Kuznetsova.  It has been a revelation and I've loved every minute of it. 

Sveta's got Flavia next.  She absolutely cruised over Kleybs, 62 60.  So a great run for Flavia, who once again showed how important Fed Cup is to her career.  She was the savior in Hobart against Australia.  And here she is in the semifinals of a Premier 5.

But it's gotta end at some point.  I'm rooting for Sveta to take the tournament.  But as a few pointed out on Twitter, her legs have got to be tired from all the three setters this week *and* the doubles with Vera.  That said, Flavia's hobbled on that left foot, which caused her to withdraw from doubles here in Dubai (though, word is that she'll ascend to #1 in doubles on Monday).

So let's play the match and see.  But go get it, Sveta 2.0!  This reboot has been awesome!

(Pic: Reuters)

Hell of a Match.

 

There is a heaven.  Of this I am sure.  How can I be so sure?  Because we finally have proof that heaven's corollary, hell, absolutely and definitively exists.  I know this because I lived through it watching this craptastic match last night.

Is there anything more frustrating than watching two talented players trapped in their own heads?  For almost three hours it seemed like neither of these two would JUST RELAX.  Sam looked so frustrated and pissed by the fifth game (she would go on to DF two breaks to JJ in the first set) that I was begging, pleading, whining for her to just go ahead and break something.  Break the racquet, the shrubbery, her chair.  SOMETHING.  But no.

As for JJ, it's still a tactical issue.  She was told for years that she had to be more aggressive and so she's trying.  But 80% of the time you're like "WTF?  Why did you try and hit that shot?"

In the end, JJ would win 76(4) in a third set tiebreak.  She deserved the win, I thought.  If anything, those three missed forehands in the tiebreak by Sam proved that.  You don't deserve to win a match when you miss easy shots like that. 

I mean, the match wasn't HAAAAAAHRIBLE.  It had a handful of great points, a couple for Sam, quite a few for JJ (some of those passing shots were amazeballs).  I'm happy for JJ.  If she can get her game back on track and be relevant again, maybe she'll finally regain the Glitter Queen moniker as opposed to the "Oh yeah. Her." label.

But Jesus Christ, Sam.  Gauloises thought I was crazy when I cautiously predicted Sam would lose.  But she just hasn't looked right all year.  The game is 70% there but there are so many little things that, if you've watched every Stosur match all year (which I pretty much have, a majority of them live) you can see pretty clearly.  Sure, she's moving a bit better, but her first serve has been wildly inconsistent, forcing her to rely too much on her kicker, which, while effective, still allows her opponent to get the ball back and start a rally.  Once in the rally, Sam's losing way too many "neutral ball" points, that is, rallies that start or get to 50/50.  She's even missing on the last ball on rallies that she has no business losing, and often it's been happening too many times on big points.  She's not terminating on the forehand side and she's not consistent enough to work the point with it without missing.

Last year it seemed like Sam had a good idea of what she wanted to do with her backhand.  Nowadays she goes for the two-hander when she's not in the position to hit it, and she goes for the slice when she should hit the two-hander.  There's no clarity on that side which I think accounts for all the misses.

But at least I can pretend this tournament doesn't exist anymore.  Pack your bags, head back to the States, figure out your shit, and let's hit IW and Miami running, corgi.

JJ has Caro next.  She's actually 4-0 on the NEWBUTNOTNEW World #1.  I have absolutely no problems with JJ getting it done. 

So do it, Glitter.

(Pics: Getty, AP)

 

This is Truly Awesome.

Cheers to @carole_bouchard and @footfault_ for tweeting.

Pic This: I'm Sure This Caption Was EXTENSIVELY Researched.

Guten Tag, Andrea! *dorky wave*

As if the Q&A session wasn't enough...

Dear Ms. Petkovic (or can I call you Petkorazzi):

• My favorite Bloc Party lyric: "Don't be offended if I seem absent-minded. Just keep telling me facts and making me smile."
• Beer is my tipple of choice.
• I was a Poli Sci major.
• My parents met at university in Germany and German is the third language in our household.
• Pulp Fiction is my favorite movie of all time.
• I'm an ok dancer but promise to never show you up.
• Ed Westwick happens to be a close personal friend of mine.

Ok, that last one was a lie but that doesn't me we can't be friends. LET'S BE FRIENDS!*

*This message was meant in the least creepy way possible.

You Got Questions? Petko's Got Answers.

The Forty Deuce Nation is firmly on Team Petkovic, right?  I mean, I don't think I've ever heard or read a negative thing about her in the comments from you guys.  Therefore, I accept her awesomeness and badassery as incontrovertable fact. 

Well yesterday, on the heels of my idiotic tribute to "cut and paste" (or "cute and pastey" depending on how you see things) wouldn't you know it, Petko popped on Twitter and held an impromptu Q&A sesh. 

Here are some highlights: 

Pic This: Okaaaaaaaaaaay...

I don't even know how a picture like this gets taken at a tennis match.  I've sat here for 30 minutes running every scenario in my head and I'm really at a loss.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

(Pic: AP)

Shahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

Takes out Wicky in three and the only thing standing between Caro and the #1 ranking. 

To quote FD Podcaster Christina (X-Tina, if you're nasty):

WORD.

(Pic: AP)

I Thought the Wacky Tabacky Was Illegal in Dubai.

Strange happenings yesterday in Dubai.  First off, Sveta and Frank locked horns, splitting the first two sets with a Frank breadstick and a Sveta bagel.  Weird.  They then proceeded to find their Melbourne form at the same time to play some awesome tennis in the third.  There was some massive hitting from Sveta and "HOLYSHITSHEDIDNOTJUSTDOTHAT"-ing from Fran. 

It took Sveta seven match point but she finally converted one to take the match 16 60 75.  Can we just have a tour for these two?  I honestly would not mind that at all.  They really bring out the best in each other.  Really, if these two are ever playing a match, get your ass out of bed, pour yourself some coffee, and tune in.  They match up so well and it'll be worth the line of coke you have to snort in the morning to get through your 9 to 5.

Sveta's got Aga in the quarters.

Then there was this.  Dudes...I don't even know what the fuck.  Flavia looked on her way to a fairly easy win, up 5-1 in the second set, before Vika decided to run silent, run deep, quit her weird whooping noises, and stormed back to take the second set 76.  THEN, Vika races to a 4-1 lead over a clearly pissed off Flavia, at which point I was like "LATES, YO."

Only to wake up to find Flavia won the last set 64.

Flavia's got Kleybs (is there an ointment for that?), who somewhat surprisingly beat #2 seed Bepa in two fairly easy sets.  I mean, that's not that weird but it's kinda weird.

All this is to say...MARRY ME, WTA!!!

(Pics: Getty)

 

Pic This: Ninja Strike!

You can't teach that, Mr. Miyagi.

(Pic: AP)