Forty Deuce

Required Reading

• Gauloises on Novak's Big Boy Pants.
• Chicks rule.
• Chris Chase did what I dared not do: Read the British Press.
• Speaking of which, here's Andy's last blog from Melbourne.  Sometimes, a man just misses his dog, you know?
• Tennis Panorama salutes the one, the only, Francesca Schiavone.
• Cool exchange between Tignor and Kamakshi on the difference between being in the media center and being on a couch.
• Enjoyed this piece on Fed.
• Um...what?
• Christopher Clarey is one of those writers I always look forward to reading.  His dispatches from Melbourne have been great.  Here is on Judy, and Team Djokovic.
• Women's Tennis Blog rounds up the AO fashion circuit.  It was a weird one.  But Bethanie brought it just like she always does.  Badass.
• Rick writes about the Sveta/Fran awesomeness.  So does Bruce Jenkins.
• A fantastic SportsCenter call.
• Non-Required Reading: Dead on.
• Non-Required Reading: THIS IS WHAT THE INTERNET WAS MADE FOR.

Diversity. You're Doin' It Right.

According to the always right and never wrong Kevin Fischer of the WTA, this is the first time in WTA history that the top 10 players are all from 10 different countries. 

Oh, and your eyes do not deceive you.  Serena's out of the Top 10.  Oh, and Dinara is now ranked #117.  If you'd like to amuse yourself (aka, send yourself into depression) take a look at the players who are ranked ahead of her.

Yeah.  Put the knife down.

Pic This: Tiger Mother.

This is easily my favorite picture of the fortnight.

That's Nails' mom.

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: I Hope That Thing Doubles as a Shield.

Cuz boy, it's gonna come raining down hard.

(Pic: Getty)

Pic This: Winning Is Hard Work.

The fine folks of Red Bull will be calling you shortly.

(Pics: AP, Getty)

Novak. Period. End of Sentence.

"He played great. I mean, I would have liked to have played better.  But, you know, I think he would have beaten every other player on the tour if he played like that tonight."

To quote @crystaleyed: That's not not an excuse.  That's a fact. 

Much will be made about Andy Murray's performance tonight.  People will ask questions, they will recycle pieces from their file cabinets that haven't even had time to gather dust, they will heap negativity on the pasty dude, calling for new coaches, new gameplans, hell, they'll probably find a way to weave Maggie into their list ot Top 10 Reasons Why Andy Murray is an Embarassment as a Tennis Player, a Brit, and a Human Being. 

They will do all this at the expense of Novak Djokovic, who, as Andy observed, would have beaten anyone tonight. 

He.  Was.  Ridonkulous.  It was insane.  His movement and ability to hit no look backhand defensive lobs that clipped the back of the line was jaw-dropping.  Andy was yanking him all around the court and Novak would just not. stop. running.  It was truly a masterful performance from Novak, who is clearly riding a wave of confidence that shows no signs of cresting.  The Falcon is flying, and just like those seagulls that circle Rod Laver Arena every night, he's shitting on everyone.

One of the first thoughts I had walking back to the media center after the match was, "Man.  I cannot wait to see him play Roger again on hard courts."  Call me crazy, but based on what I've seen of Novak over the past month, I dare say he's clicked into a new gear, one that none of us knew he had.  By my sleep-addled brain, he may just be the best hard-court player in the game.

All week, Nole's been describing the version of himself that picked up his first Slam title as "a 20-year-old kid who just closed his eyes and hit the ball as hard as he could."  Three years later he's matured into a completely different player.  You can see the intelligence in how he sets up rallies, his willingness to engage in a war of variety with Moose, and his improved speed and strength when he was pulled wide on defense.  He believes in his body and he believes that he can hang in on defense to work the point in his favor.  How many times against Roger and Andy did we see him get his outside leg outside and behind the ball and have such strength and balance as to allow him to either whip it cross-court up, down the line, or up for a lob.  Remarkable.  The balance in his game between patience and aggression seems to flow so naturally now that when he does decide (on a handful of points) to pull the trigger too early, it's actually jarring.

Here's hoping his win tonight and his dominant performance throughout the fortnight (6 straight sets over Fed and Moose!) remove all question marks that commentators have been quick to attach to him.  Not fit enough, not mentally strong enough, too emotional to his detriment, weak server, not clutch.  All that is bullshit now. 

If you're not talking about Novak Djokovic right now, you're missing out on the story.

 

butweallknewandywouldloseanywaybecauseanawasthere,right?

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

I Need To Talk Out My Feelings.

I was out until 5am last night drinking.  It is now a little over 12 hours later and I feel like puking.  I cannot for the life of me tell if that's just my body rejecting the 6am McD's run and pitcher of beer, or my soul trying to fight off yet another soul-crushing Andy Murray failure.  I'm going to pretend it's the former but prepare myself for the latter.

Wouldn't it just be my luck that the one Slam I attend from first ball to last would end in a final between my two favorite players?  I mean, this should be a good thing, right?  I should be happy and relaxed and just settle in for some cracking good tennis.

But I can't.  As much as I would love for Nole to win I think we can all agree (whether you like it or not) that a win here would be way bigger for Andy than Nole.  NOLE ALREADY HAS ONE!!!  HE'S ALREADY A NATIONAL HERO!!!  HE'S ALREADY PROVEN HIMSELF WORTHY OF BEING INCLUDED IN THAT TOP ECHELON OF THE ATP!!!  Andy's....Andy.  A pasty, grumpy dude, who works so hard only to keep falling short.  The last two times he had the excuse of losing to the GOAT.  If he can't do it here, who knows what the negative chatter will be going into Wimbledon. 

Ok, so that was way Negative Nelly of me and I really don't want to be negative going into this match.  So I'm going to try to focus on all the ways this match will be awesome:

They're bros.

They both do a good Blue Steel.

Their girlfriends are totes adorbz.

They have tan friends.

They are secure enough to own tiny dogs.

They both rap.  Or...whatever it is they're doing in that "song".

Phew.  Well that was fun and kind of made me feel better.  This would be a fantastic win for Novak and he absolutely deserves to lift that trophy after his ridiculous display against Fed.  And if he can beat Moose, a dude who has, at least statistically, owned him in their last three meetings, he will officially plant the "I'M BACK, BITCHES" flag on the ATP World.  That would be awesome.

But...please?  You didn't give me Ana, you couldn't deliver Sam, and you refused to give me Nails.  Can I have Moose?  PLEASE, TENNIS GODS, CAN I HAVE MOOSE???

Of course I can't.  How do I know this?  Because HItler's a Moose fan.  And you're never going to win when you're with Hitler.  EVER.

Also, Caro?  If you show up in Andy's box with Adam Scott on your arm, I am going to climb over from the media seats and punch you in the forehead.  You've been warned.

Pic This: Weirdest Karaoke Video Shoot Ever.

Also, winning is boring:

 

It's good to be Kim.

(Pics: Getty)

I Actually Think Tomas and Lucie are Cuter Than The Koala.

Air Quotes: Protective.

Q. Did you speak English back when you were 11? Could you talk to him?

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: Yeah, I had it in school so already I knew some basic things. Back then, yeah, we were speaking kind of more with the signs, you know, hands and legs and stuff (smiling). He was using more of a Scottish accent, so he was really hard to understand.

Q. You also played doubles with him.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: He had the hair (laughter).

Q. A crowd of us came into the interview room and you took the senior role because he was overpowered by coming into a media spotlight. You seemed very composed already that day.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: Because I wasn't facing that much media, you know, in my early stages of the career.

In one hand it's been a tough situation for him to face this pressure of media and being a British player. You know, everybody expects him to win Wimbledon and be the best player in the world because he's coming from a country of tennis, you know, a great history. Of course, Wimbledon, we all know it's the most prestigious tournament in our sport. And he faced all of that in his career. He managed to become one of the best players in the world. So you got to give him credit for that.

Actually, I remember that press conference we had. It was in the backroom there a couple years back. I was saying in one hand I would like to be in his shoes because he gets a big support obviously because of the country that he comes from. On the other hand I wouldn't like because of the media attention and pressure that he faces, yeah.

(Pic: Getty; Transcript)

Stubbsy Cries? Stubbsy Don't Cry.

Stubbsy says farewell after 22 Australian Opens. She'll play Fed Cup against Italy next week and then call it a career. She's been killing it in the commentary booth here for Channel 7. Really looking forward to seeing her around tennis. You know she'll always be laughing it up somewhere. 

The video cuts off before all the ladies left the court.  In a cute moment, Flavia and Stubbsy walked off arm in arm as Gisela rubbed her shoulders.  Really sweet stuff.

And thank god Sam wasn't there. The Yarra has nothing on that river of tears.

Air Quotes: Put It On A Hallmark Card.

"It doesn't matter if you are fat or skinny, handsome or ugly.  I will always follow you and always love you."

-- Nails nails her thank yous to her husband in her loser's speech. 

It's Official: Aussie Kim.

For a while there it felt like the stars had aligned for a win that could have shifted the tectonic plates of the tennis world.  We were coming up on Chinese New Year, a Mulan Chinese acrobatic show was coming to Melbourne next week, and Nails had just blitzed Kim 6-3 in 38 minutes to take the first set.

LIke, HOOOOOOOOOOLY SMOOOOOOOOOOOKES.

But we knew something was up with this match when Nails won the toss and elected to receive.  Yup, we were going to get a classic WTA break-fest.  As the second set started no one could hold serve.  Nails was finally able to hold at 3-2.  I honestly that that hold would be enough to steady her and get her to the finish line.

I'm an idiot.

Kim would even it up at 3-3 with a hold of her own and Nails would lose the next three games to lose the set 6-3.  From there, the third set seemed in the can.  Kim reeled off the first seven points behind an intelligent mix of shots and finally closed it out 6-3.  I think it was really Kim's ability to go from a power game to adding slices and spins that got her this match.  Well, that and her experience.

It was nice to see how much this title meant to Kim.  It's her first Slam off U.S. soil, in a country that she loves and loves her back, though for maybe not always the same reasons.  I mean, do you really want to be called "Aussie Kim" because you used to fuck an Aussie dude who's kind of a prick?  Methinks not.  I think she felt a bit that way, too.  "Now I feel like you guys can finally call me Aussie Kim because I won the title."

But this was Nails' tournament.  She was the star, she was the breakthrough, and it was so nice to see her smiling and beaming with positivity after the match.  "I think I play great tennis. I mean, she play better than me. After the match, back to the locker room, I make joke, tennis should only play one set (laughter).  Yeah, I mean, I still happy what I do today, yeah. So I proud for myself."

She should be.  She really played great against Kim and forced her to raise her level.  She didn't choke, she didn't wilt under the moment, and she didn't get all headcasey.  She just got beat by Kim. 

The match, and this fortnight, have been a solid advertisement for the WTA.  I've loved every minute of it. 

(Pics: Getty)

Pic This: How We Got Here.

Are we really already at Championship weekend.  I have to say, this whole experience has gone incredibly fast. But for all the tennis I've seen over the past four weeks all across Australia, from Perth, to Sydney, to Melbourne, I have to say that in all honesty...

I AM SO NOT SICK OF IT.  This sport is just the best.  It absolutely 100% kicks all other sports' saggy asses and I have pictures to prove it.

 

Man, Those Murrays Are A Boring Lot.

There's been much chatter on the Twitter between the Murray camp about their penguin walk impressions.  So Jamie finally opened it up to the public for a look.  Even Maggie got into it. 

As usual, I think Judy pwns.

Heh.

Pic This: Chills.

(Pic: Nike Tennis Facebook page)

"I Feel Like A Backstreet Boy."

Don't insult yourself, Petko. Also, please don't encourage John.

SHE FUCKING RULES. And so does Nole.

You're fucked, Andy.

Oracene Does Not Like Dubious Belgians.

A bit of hilarious confusion last night as Oracene threw her hat in the ring for Nails and caused a lot of headscratching in the process:

Heh.  For a second there I thought Oracene had been elected co-president of the "I HATE KIM FOR NO GOOD REASON FAN CLUB" alongside Pete Bodo.

Oh, and here's some bonus Oracene-mentary:

You're fucked, Andy.

Air Quotes: Boys II Men.

Q. You played Novak seven times on the tour. You maybe played with him as a junior or something. Can you talk about the rivalry between you and Novak.

ANDY MURRAY: Yeah, because we've always been like 3 and 4 the last few years, we've always been on different halves of the draw in every tournament we've played. So, yeah, we haven't come up against each other I think for over two years now.

So, you know, we practice a lot together. We get on well together. We're good friends. You know, so in terms of a rivalry, I think this will be the start well, I hope it's the start of us playing each other in big matches.

Q. Can you take us back to when you first met? What were some of your earliest memories of meeting Novak as a teenager?

ANDY MURRAY: I mean, we both went quite different routes. I played him the first time I think when I was like 13 maybe. You know, it's not like you speak that often to the foreign players and stuff. There's normally a pretty big sort of language barrier.

We played each other up until we were like 15, and then he improved a lot faster than I did. Then I managed to catch up. It wasn't really until we got back on the tour that we started playing together a lot and practicing together again.

Yeah, the first time I played him must have been, yeah, when we were about 13. So it's been a long time we've known each other.

Q. Was that first match in Tarbes?

ANDY MURRAY: Yeah.

Q. Do you know who won?

ANDY MURRAY: I won 6 Love, 6 1 maybe. So, yeah, a lot's changed since then, I'm sure. It will be just a bit tougher than that on Sunday.

....

Q. If it is Andy that you play an Sunday, seems like you guys are rekindling the friendship you had as juniors. You played football. Talk about that.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: Yeah, he's a great footballer. I've been suffering two loses against him before the tournament in football, and I've been really feeling the negatives of that losses. No, we have been friends for a long time.

Right now, I think we reconnected again and become a bit closer. It's nice to see somebody that you grew up with. We played under 12, under 10, under 14. We grew up together. We basically made a breakthrough to top 100 more or less at the same time. It's nice to see somebody doing well, the person who was your long time friend.

So if I get to meet him in the final, we're both professionals. Of course we haven't played for a very long time, already maybe a year and a half or two. Going to be interesting.

(Source: A 100% Public Website That Everyone Can Access Which Posts The Interview Transcripts Almost Immediately After Conclusion of the Press Conference.)

Pic This: Thanks For Cropping Me Out of the Picture.

(Pic: Head Facebook page)

Pic This: I'm With You, Shirt.

GET IT, NAILS.

And thanks for reminding me that I have 80 Fresh Air podcasts I still need to get through.  Asians women are pretty good at nagging.

(Pic: Getty)

Crucify Me.

Andy Murray made it a point to call out the media's complete lack of respect for David Ferrer prior to this match.  "I did one hour of press after my match and didn't get one question about Ferrer.  The guy's #7 in the world."  He has a point.  While I've generally been ignorning much of what's been written down here (just so my thoughts don't get influenced too much), I did read a few preview articles for this match and yeah, it seems like a lot of folks were writing Moose into the finals.

Anyone who watches Daveed play knows how dangerous he can be, and given Andy's game, how tough a matchup this was.  Daveed came out on fire.  He was moving well and getting the ball deep on Andy, and while Andy wasn't playing poorly, Daveed seemed completely in control.  They would grind each other through numerous 40+ shot rallies throughout the match, slicing, dicing, and hitting corners at will.  There was tremendous shotmaking in this match.  The key in the first set was Daveed's return of serve.  Andy would actually break and go up 4-3, only to get broken two straight times to lose the set 6-4.

The second set started the same, with Daveed breaking again in Andy's first service game.  But Andy finally (he's about as smart sometimes as he is cute) figured out that he wasn't going to be able to out-baseline Daveed.  So he increased his aggression, hugging the baseline, getting to the net, and hitting out more.  He would save a set point at 5-4, admitting later that he had no idea it was a set point until he held and the umpire called the score at 5-5.  Like I said...he ain't that bright.

Moose would serve for the set and get broken.  I blame Caro, who decided to sit in the MooseBox for the match.  That's some bad mojo.  STOP COPYING ANA.  IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.  But once the set went into a breaker Andy reeled off six straight points before finally taking the set 7-2 in the break.

Boyfriend would roll through the third set, taking it (and, we all thought, Daveed's spirit) 6-1, and he flew out of the gates to a 2-0 lead in the fourth.  Then all hell broke loose as Daveed got his second wind and Andy lost his mind (LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT MISSED OVERHEAD DUCK AT 3-3).  But they battled to a tiebreak, and since Daveed was 0-10 in tiebreaks at Melbourne Park, we pretty know how that went.

And so, for those of us who actually do get sick of Fedal hype and chatter, we get our dream final.  Andy vs. Nole with a lot on the line.  They've played each other since they were 13, Nole leads the H2H, Andy won the last three, but they haven't played each other for over two years.  So basically, history is unreliable here.  Nole is clearly the form player and rightfully the favorite.  I don't know...a Moose win would be an incredible feat here under the circumstances.  He just hasn't looked as impressive as Nole.

Plus Nole's got Ana in his box.  I mean, you can't beat that.  You LITERALLY cannot beat that.  Can I tap out Caro and fly in Robbie?  I'll pay for the flight and everything.  That would at least give Pale Force One a fighting chance.  Their tans are about even.

Either way, it's going to be great.  I really really can't wait and I know I'll be happy either way.

But...I also know I'll be happier one way.  So let's do this.

(Pic: Getty)

Slammed? Slamful? What's the Technical Term?

I never knew you could "smile out loud".  Then I saw this picture.  And I totally did.  It's like when you're smiling so broadly and so suddenly that you actually make a noise.  Yeah, I'm trademarking that, bitches.

There is no longer a Slamless #1 on the WTA doubles circuit, as Flavia and Gisela, or as they're known on Twitter, "FlaviGise", came back from a set and 4-1 down to beat Vika and MaKiri for their first Slam title.  Much deserved for the ladies who had a great run last year, took the YECs, and are just a joy to watch.

"We were like in shock. I think a set and 4 1 down, in the changeover, we were like looking each other and saying, C'mon, we play less than an hour. We cannot finish the match playing less than an hour in the final. "

So they picked it and started playing really aggressively, putting the pressure on the net player.  As it got tighter, Vika and Makiri totally started choking.  The besties rolled from there, high fiving, vamosing, forzaing their way to a title.

It was such a contrast to Vika and MaKiri, who, especially when they blew the lead and went down in the third, acted like strangers.  They didn't make much eye-contact, they didn't high five after points, and Vika's negativity in particular totally set the tone for their team. Stubbsy, who was commentating for Channel 7, was just about ready to jump out of the booth and whack Vika upside the head.

Congrats to Flavia and Gisela! 

But particularly to Gisela, who was totally dorking it up.

LOL.

(Pics: AP, Getty)

 

Hey Jealousy.

Q. It's been no secret that Ana has a crush on Roger. She always says that Roger is her favorite player to watch.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: She has a crush on Roger?

Q. I think so.

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: But you said for sure. Was she sitting in my box?

Q. Yeah. Why was she in your box and supporting you and not...

NOVAK DJOKOVIC: A little bit of gossip. You want to hear that. No, Ana is my friend for since we were five. We know each other. She's been practicing here. She had the first-round loss unfortunately, and she's been practicing because she goes to the tournament from here, from Melbourne next week. So she used the opportunity to come to the matches. She will come to the final. Great to see her there in the box. Great to have her support.

But I'm not going to answer the other question, because I really don't know. You have to ask her.

Pic This: Please Don't Schiavone Me, Daveed.

That hair.  Tuggable.

(Pic: AP)

We All Decide, How To Draw The Line.

I never got a chance to write about Justine in any meaningful way here on Forty Deuce.  She retired (the first time) before I started the blog and by the time she started back up, I was kind of too distracted to care.  Or maybe I was hoping if I ignored her long enough she'd just up and go away.

Oops.

A little over a year ago, despite her emphatic reassurances to the contrary, Justine decided she just couldn't live without staring at Carlos and donning her extra-small Competition kit and returned to the tour, beating anyone whose name didn't rhyme with Schmim Schmysters or Berena Billiams.  Right out of the block she made the finals of Brisbane (losing to Kim) and the finals of the Australian Open (losing to Serena).  Sure she lost both those matches but she played well, really pushed her old rivals, and sent a clear message that one year later, she belonged in the top echelon of the WTA.  You felt like it was inevitable that she'd be back in a Slam final and possibly hoisting one fairly soon.

"AUGH YOU'RE SO ANNOYING WITH YOUR MOUTH HERP AND YOUR GOOD TENNIS" I would cry out, shaking my fists at no one in particular.  It was both therapeutic and Tourettesian.

But January 2010 would pretty much be the highlight of her comeback.  She'd keep losing to Kim, and suffering weird injuries (broken finger at Fed Cup) and surprising losses (YOU LOST TO SAM STOSUR!  ON CLAY!  YOU!  WHAT???).  But she healed up and went for the one Slam she didn't have, the one Slam that she made clear she came back to win: Wimbledon.

Of course she would suffer an injury against, of all people, KIM.  Her season was over and she had to sit in her minimally decorated house atop her modernly European-styled white leather couch that doesn't even look like something that can sat on (clearly I think she lives in the Nuni/Nuni house), icing her elbow while Kim destroyed the field in New York and raised yet another trophy.  Kim was like "cool".  Jada was like "this is boring, we did this already.  I want a pony and a bottle of Jack."  Justine was like "FUCK YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR WINNING AND SHIT."

I mean, my creative writing style aside, you really have to feel for Justine and you can definitely understand her emo head-space.  Here's a woman who had a childhood that forced her to toughen up and keep distance from people in order to protect her fragile emotions, busted her ass to compete with her bigger, more naturally gifted peers, reached the pinnacle of the sport and through it all, built a resume that will ensure she'll be considered among the best tennis players of all time. 

All that and yet she felt she was still lacking.  She looked at Serena, a naturally gifted athlete, who could come into a Slam with no preparation, looking unfit, and still demolish a field.  She looked at Maria Sharapova, whose early success had turned her into a multi-millionaire face of tennis. 

And of course, she looked to Kim.  Kim who seemed sometimes flighty, who I'm sure Justine thought didn't work as hard as she did, and yet she was the one who had the family that Justine keeps saying she wants.  That was probably all fine and dandy when Justine was widely considered the better tennis player.  But once Kim came back and established herself as, possibly, the best player on tour, that surely lit the fire. 

But it wasn't to be.  Her propensity to retire after losses is kinda comical.  I mean, she lost to Dinara in Berlin and retired a week later as if she couldn't possibly believe she lost to DINARA FUCKING SAFINA on European red clay.  I mean if you you're going to lose that fat Russian, you might as well quit, right?  Here she lost to Sveta in straight sets, a player against whom she was 16-2 and hadn't lost to on hard courts since 2004.  Regardless of her elbow injury, which she admits made her less than 100% for the tournament, that had to be a psychologically devastating loss. 

People can argue about the timing of her announcement, about why she'd announce it while a major tournament was still going on.  I don't really care about that.  I'm more curious as to how, within a week of losing to Sveta, she was able to get back to Belgium, see a doctor, get test results back, and definitively learn that she couldn't play tennis anymore.  That just seems so quick and if I were a suspicious person, I would suspect that there's more to this story than just a bum elbow.  That being said, if you're done playing tennis, you're done playing tennis.  I don't think anyone should second-guess that decision.

Justine's a polarizing, complicated figure, there's no doubt about that.  But one thing the haters could never argue about was her tennis ability.  She was good at tennis.  She competed hard.  She had that steely resolve that so many of us wish our headcasey players had 1/10th of.  For that she's absolutely earned the respect and accolades that I hope she gets.  It's a huge loss for the sport.  She was a great player to be a fan of and a great player to not be a fan of.  I, for one, will miss her as my comic foil.  She was my WTA Sod.  But with less devil-face and more I-see-dead-people-face.

Happy trails, Juju.  I sincerely hope you find whatever you're looking for.

(Pic: Getty)

Nole, Twice a Day!

A few years ago, Tennis Magazine referred to Nole as "The Player's Player".  If my memory serves me right (sorry, I can't seem to find the tiny write-up) they described him as the all-arounder who had every shot and was the type of tennis player that other tennis players like to watch. 

You could see why tonight.

There is no doubt that Roger Federer is the artist.  He's the guy who thinks up incredible shots, has an awesome tennis IQ, and whose underrated movement makes his whole game look effortless.  But he got straight up BEAT tonight by a tennis player.  A player who played point by point, hit the right shot when he had it, didn't overplay, and defended the court as though he was running suicides on the baseline (I'm just going to assume you guys know what "suicides" are).

"I thought he played a great match. I didn't think I played bad myself, so it was a match played at a very high intensity for a long period of time.  Clearly it's disappointing to lose, but what to do if he plays well on the big points, and potentially maybe I didn't.  Novak was the better player tonight. You got to accept that and move on from here."

Can't disagree with that assessment.

The match was tight, it was tense, and the final score, 76 75 64 reflects that.  But what it doesn't reflect is how soundly Novak seemed to beat Roger tonight.  He played the big points better, he served huge when Roger was on the verge of breaking him, and he somehow fought back from 2-5 down in the second set to steal the set and seemingly break Roger's spirit. 

Roger was getting cranky with the umpire about stuff, he was stepping out when Nole would bounce the ball too long for his liking and when Nole stopped his motion, confused as to why Roger was just standing there, Roger actually yelled something at him, saying something that evoked a "Sorry" from Novak.  A bit touchy there, Roger.  If you have a problem, talk to the umpire.  Don't yell at another player.  That seemed unnecessary and the boys at ESPN thought it reeked of gamesmanship. Asked about it after the match, Fed took a page from A-Rod's book: "He's a nice guy, the umpire, so I kind of like to talk to him at times."

Cheeky.

Thankfully, Nole didn't let it rattle him.  He carried on with his business and while he had a few tight moments, he steadied his nerve when it really mattered.  A match of maturity from the flying one.

But back to the tennis.  This is the first time Fed will be without a Slam in the cycle since before his win at Wimbledon in 2003.  How's that for a stat.  This was a clean kill by Nole, who hasn't dropped a set to Fed on these True Blue Aussie courts.  He's also beaten Roger at the last two Slams.  He's riding a wave of confidence and playing the best tennis I've ever seen him play, AND he has Ana in his box. 

I mean, can you really bet against the Falcon while she looks on?

(Pic: Getty)

You're Welcome, Melbourne Economy.

"I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace, and... you have saved us all."

What?  It was either that or a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon quote.

It happened.  It really really happened.  Nails was looking down and out after a really sorry first set that saw her pressing way too much, clearly concerned about Caro's ability to get the ball back.  She settled herself in the second set but found herself down match point when Caro served for the match at 5-4.  She was able to save it and take the set, but from there the third set was a bit of a toss-up.  We all know that Caro can't really terminate a rally (she would hit ZERO winners in the third set) so it was up to Nails to work the points, maintain her composure, and execute her shots when she had an opening. 

It's a broken record with Caroline but once again she waited for her opponent to give her the match (via UFEs) instead of trying to take it herself.  She would drop the final set 63 and leave the court in tears, her team of Dad and ADPD hunkering down in the player area trying to figure out what went wrong.  I mean...it wasn't a mystery.  She waited for Nails to make enough errors to play herself out of the match and Nails, because she's badass and stuff, didn't. 

And so we have our first Chinese-born person, man or woman into the final of a Grand Slam.  This is huge and Nails knows it.  But what's so refreshing about Nails is the fact that you know she's not doing this for country or government.  She's doing this for herself and for her team.  If it helps China, then...ok.  So I really feel like that's the only pressure she feels, the pressure from herself, not the weight of 1.3 billion people.  That's pretty huge.

Of course, it wouldn't be a day of Nails awesomeness without some post-match hilarity.  And boy did she bring it. 

• Sam Smith told her it was her five-year anniversary and the look on her face can only be described as "HUH???  What you talkin' about, White Lady?"
• She said she couldn't sleep well last night because her husband was snoring, and even imitated the gutteral snore on court.
• Her mom never watches her play live and Nails said she wouldn't be coming to the final.  "I say come watch the match and she say 'Why? I have my own life."

And some presser gems:

Q. Last year you were in semifinals. Now you are in final. What are you going to do next year? NA LI: If I win this year, maybe next year I will retire. (Smiling.)

Q. They call her the great Danish wall, but you have the great Chinese wall. So it was easy, no?

NA LI: I think Chinese wall more famous.

Q. Getting back to the match, was your game plan just to be very aggressive? Did you think you could outpower her?

NA LI: No, I never think about what I should do on the court. If you are focus on the court, you don't need to think about too much. Just focus. I mean, of course like between the point, only 20 second. What you can think? It's so short the time.

Q. You said after the match you didn't get much sleep last night.

NA LI: Yeah. I mean, I was wake up every hour, so I say, Stop. I couldn't sleep. My husband just like say, Relax. I say, How? Tell me how can relax because I couldn't sleep. So he was like, Okay, he just totally forget me. This morning, he was asking, How you sleep? I was like, Stop.

Q. Is he going to go into another room now?

NA LI: I think today he can stay in the bathroom.

Q. Was it your wedding anniversary today, or is it Saturday?

NA LI: I will think about two days later, but he was think about today. (Smiling.) So I don't know if I was thinking about two days later. Yeah, maybe I should ask my mom. (Laughter.)

She's like the Asian version of Franny.  Totally entertaining, pragmatic, and endearingly honest to a fault.  Personally, I loved her answer to the question as to why she was not "a typical Chinese" because she was funny and talkative:

Oh, yeah, maybe they couldn't speak English so they didn't know how to talk. Yeah, if you guys can't speak Chinese, of course they can make a lot of joke.

That was just such an insulting question.  Come on.  We're fucking hilarious.

She'll take on Kim in the final on Saturday after Kimmy pretty much steamrolled Bepa, who really didn't bring her A-game.  It was, without a doubt, the best match Kim's played here in Melbourne and if she brings that form to the final then I doubt we'll be seeing our first Chinese Slam champion. 

Then again, it's Kim.  You just never know, you know?

(Pic: AP)

AO Live Blog: Day 11

Ladies semifinal. Jia you and Davai.

Class All Around.

I love tennis.  That's all.

I'm gonna go get shit-faced now.

The Rafa Runs Dry.

The quest is over.  It wasn't supposed to end with Rafa limping, on the verge of tears, taking a beatdown out of respect for his friend and the game he loves.  But that's how it ended and I think everyone's still trying to get their head around this one.  It's a somber mood around these parts.

One year to the day of his 2010 quarterfinal retirement to Moose, Rafa picked up a hamstring injury during the epic 20+ minute second game of the match, and it was all but lost from them on.  He would leave the court for evaluation and taping and emerge a completely different player.  You know how Rafa makes 99.9% of his opponents look a step slow and completely ineffective? 

That's what Rafa looked like tonight against Daveed, who, to his credit, absolutely brought his A-game and really took it to Rafa.  Aside from the disappointment that Rafa got injured and lost, it was even more of a bummer that we couldn't see these two gladiators go toe-to-toe for a full match.  The way Daveed played today he would have had a real chance to beat even a healthy Rafa.  He was aggressive, tactically perfect, and absolutely ruthless despite his look of concern for his friend. 

Rafa didn't roll over after the injury.  Being the competitive beast that he is, he willed himself back into the first set and mounted a a legitimate challenge, fighting from a break down to even the set.  But Daveed held his nerve to break back and eventually take it.  From there, the result seemed inevitable, especially after the match had to be stopped for 10 minutes in the second set for the Australia Day fireworks.  Rafa looked understandably annoyed when he got the news and disappeared to get some medical treatment during the stoppage.  But sore muscles get cold and he wasn't the same player when he came back. 

Once Daveed clinched the second set 62, I think everyone watching the match was watching Rafa, waiting for him to throw in the towel.  But out of respect for Daveed, the crowd, and the game itself, he kept going, accepting his fate and his beatdown.  "I hate the retirements, so this wasn't the day. I did last year. I hate that moment. I didn't want to repeat that."

It was a slow and painful death for the champ, who hung his head on the changeovers and finally had to wipe away tears when the reality of the moment, that his body was failing him on this once-in-a-lifetime quest, settled in.  It was really hard to watch.  It's amazing how quickly Rafa can go from looking like a seemingly invincible sportsman, to a lonely little boy who looks lost.  The too-big-for-him shirt didn't help matters.

After the match, Rafa looked absolutely gutted as he tried to put on a brave face in front of the press.  I was standing in the back of the room but from what I could see it looked like he struggled a few times to keep his composure.  He made it clear that he didn't want to take anything away from Daveed and didn't want to talk about the injury.  He felt fantastic coming into the match and didn't know any details about his injury. 

"I can say nothing about the injury. Seriously, I would prefer don't talk a lot about the injury. Tonight, first of all, I don't know nothing. Second thing, for respect to the winner and to a friend, I prefer to talk about the match. I think he played at a very high level. I just congratulate him and wish him all the best for the semifinal."

"For me is difficult come here and speak about [the injury]. In Doha I wasn't healthy. Today I have another problem. Seems like I always have problems when I lose, and I don't want to have this image, no? I prefer don't talk about that today. If you can respect that, will be a very nice thing for me. Thank you."

"I think I am very, very lucky sportsman about what happened in my career. And I have to accept the fantastic moments that I had during a lot of years with the same calm that when I have problems. And if I am ready to accept both things with I think let's say everything the same, I going to be able to come back and play my best tennis another time."

"My expectations, I said before the tournament, I said before the year start, is enjoy every day and practice hard every day with same illusion, humble and motivation that I did all my career. So that's my principal goal, in general, no?  I lost in quarterfinals today. We'll see what's happen in next tournament. I'll work hard to be ready."

"I love playing tennis. I love the competition. And I love, in general, the hard moments because you are ready to change the situation working hard, working every day with a goal and with illusion."

Class in victory and defeat.  Fuck the Rafa Slam.  I'll just take Rafa.

(Pics: Getty)

The Irony Is She Doesn't Even Hit Hard.

Farewell, Aga.  You will be missed.

I LOVE YOU FACEBOOK.

Pic This: Concerned.

That was Sorana Cirstea seven months ago.

This is Sorana now.

No snark from me.  Just slack-jawed concern.

(Pics: Getty)

Wide Open Spaces.

Wait...I thought the WTA side of things was supposed to be wide open.  But so far, the only thing that's been surprising around these parts has been the uncommonly cool temperatures.  After a week and a half of mild insanity, namely the early departures of Sam and Justine, we're now left with the world #1 Caro, #2 Vera, #3 Kim, and the only player to be undefeated this year, world #9 Na Li. 

From a story standpoint, I think Nails would be the biggest, then Caro, then Vera, then Kim, but I'm really really rooting for a Nails/Vera final.  That's a pair that I can get behind.

The ladies turn it around and will play their semis tomorrow.  Vera and Nails have looked the strongest to be honest, but Kim's always going to be the favorite on hard courts and Caro...plays tennis and has a kangaroo.  So who knows how it will all shake out.

Regardless, it's been a fantastic tournament for the WTA.  The ladies have played the better matches, have been more entertaining off-court, and showed the heart and guts that only comes from the half of the population that has to push basketballs out of their vaginas and pretend that it's the greatest thing in all the world.

(Pics: Getty, Reuters)

Gone, But Not Forgotten.

Fran lost to Caro yesterday.  But that's the secondary story.  I'll have more on Fran later, but seeing as how after playing nearly five hours two days ago she came blasting out of the gate and, for a set and half, made Caro look like a junior who had no business being in the top 100 let alone the Top Dog, then fought off three match points in spectacular fashion, all I can say is this:

Brava, Frank.

Ok, wait, I lied.  I have one more thing to say:

Look, I get it. MTOs are a part of the game.  You can take one whenever for whatever reason and it's not cheating.  But between Aga's third set MTO in her first round match, which Kimiko admitted completely iced her 40 year-old body down and took her out of her rhythm, and Caro's MTO yesterday, taken after she dropped the first set, I have to call bullshit. 

You seriously had the gall, Caro, to call for an MTO for a tight hip-flexor after you drop a set to a woman 10 years your senior who had less than 48 hours to recover from playing a 4 hour and 44 minute match?  I mean, REALLY???  Pam tracked down Sven (look at you, Reporter Pam) and asked him whether Caro was carrying any injuries into the match and he said no.  So Caro goes off court to get it taped, and then, like, 5 games later, tears the tape off and starts running like a rabbit again. 

It reeked of gamesmanship and, at least among fans, threw out any goodwill Caro had gained with her press conference antics this week.  To add further insult to non-injury, Caro would show up to her post-match presser with an inflatable kangaroo and boxing gloves, claiming that the gloves were there in case the kangaroo decided to attack her again.  You go through a tight match like that and you decide to game up the presser?  Have some respect, dude.  You *should* want to talk about the tennis.

Caro would say afterwards that her game was "to win".   That may be a nice soundbite that speaks to the fighter in all athletes, in the context of the match the translation was closer to "I will do whatever it takes to win."  But in sport, while stat sheets and win/loss records are paramount, the way one goes about it matters.  This is why for all the crap that Serena and Venus get (and I admit, I'm one that doesn't mind heaping on them) the one thing they are never accused of is gamesmanship, and in that way they are further bolstered as "true champions" by fans.  No one will ever doubt the competitive drive of Justine Henin, for example.  Her will to win is second to none.  But her history of "winning at all costs" will always make her second to most. 

Fran admitted after the match that she was fatigued.  Yet she never called for trainer and she didn't use that fatigue as an excuse. 

It's time to grow up, Caroline.  I have been a realistic defender of yours, trying my best, within the circumstances, to acknowledge your weaknesses but defend your position within the sport.  But these antics are junior league and not worthy of anyone who would consider themselves a champion.  True champions realize their position in the sport, embrace it, and act accordingly.  They don't act like they're still in the juniors.  If you want to be taken seriously you would do best to heed the example of your vanquished opponent today. 

Also, stop moonballing, cuz that shit is WEAK.

Winning is great.  But how you compete is greater.  To the extent a player cannot distinguish the two and act accordingly, I can't help but lose respect.  It's possible that Caro could care less that she caused a shitstorm among tennis fans with what she tried to pull yesterday.  But again, given how far she goes out of the way to be liked, I doubt it.

Second, let me just say this about the media coverage of the haps.  Go ahead and google "Caroline Wozniacki" and read the first 10 news articles about yesterday's match.  Chances are they will all focus on Caro's fight.  How she came back from 1-3 in the second set, fighting off a "debilitating leg injury" to courageously gut out the match.  I can't help but wonder how many of those folks writing those articles actually watched the match from start to finish and how many of them are writing honestly, as opposed to ignorning the gamesmanship because the "selling of Caroline Wozniacki" is a better story.  It wasn't a debilitating injury.  The only thing debilitating about Caro was her tennis for a set and a half. 

I generally sympathize with the press corp.  There isn't that much money in this game and most get paid by the article, which means they have to churn as many pieces as they can in order to make this pricey trip worth it.  But I've also seen them write about matches they didn't even watch from start to finish.  They miss the nuances, they hear chatter from other members of the press, and suddenly the misinformed echo chamber is transformed into a truth chamber.  They think they know *exactly* what happened.

I haven't had those restrictions while I've been Down Under both for better (freedom!) and for worse (no cash).  Sure, there are days where I need to focus and write up a piece for publication, but with respect to the stuff that I write on Forty Deuce, I literally either sit at my station and watch a match from start to finish, or I sit courtside and take furious notes.  I constantly work under this fear that I am not doing the players or the matches justice.  They busted their asses to play a match.  The least I can do is pay attention and get it right.

So it was tremendously disappointing to see people ignore what actually happened on court yesterday.  The ESPN crew, which, you know, was actually watching the match, essentially called BS on the leg injury.  If you listened closely you could hear the sneer in Pam's voice as she observed that Wozniacki was moving really well in the latter stages of that second set.  But the print media seemed to turn a blind eye. 

How many Novak Djokovic articles focus on his history of retiring from matches, question his heart because of it, and paint him as a gamey villain who will fake injuries to get ahead?  Just because Caroline's a cute 20 year-old blond with a big smile, doesn't mean she should be immune to the same criticism. 

Fans were looking for Caroline to prove herself during this fortnight.  They were looking to see what she was made of.  Unfortunately, for the time being at least, they might be a little disappointed in the answer.  I know I am.

(Pic: Getty)

Monogram vs. Falcon Face. HALP!

It was a clinical dismantling by Roger today over Stan.  I mean after a week of Stan strutting around like a badass baby-momma-leaver, he comes out and bends over to his Swiss handler.  There's a reason why you're in the shadow, Stan.  It's because you choose to stay there.  It was just a pathetic performance by Stan.  Not that I care.

With Fed booking his place into the semis it was up to Nole to hold up his end of the deal and seal up half of the dream final four (Moose and Rafa play tomorrow).  Seal it up he did.  He was devastating in the first set over Tomas, racing to a 6-1 lead before finding himself 1-4 down in the second.  A bad contact (DUDE. GET LASIK) seemed to be distracting him a bit and Tomas picked up his game.  But after the roof closed because of some light drizzle (it's remarkable to me that they can play *while* the roof is closing) Nole turned it up, fought back to 4-4 and forced a tiebreak, which he clinched 7-5.  Five fist pounds to the chest, a Serbian salute, and windmill fist-pump later (yes, he totes stuck the landing) he was off to the races, finishing up the third set, 6-2.  It was a fantastic performance.  Tomas just couldn't get much done despite Lucie's crystal blue orbs urging him on.

I'm talking about her eyes, by the way.  I wasn't implying I knew what color her boobs were.

And so we get Fed vs. Nole in the semis.  Nole's last three Slam performances?  Quarters, semis, runner-up.  Hmmm...I ain't no physicist but if I were to graph that out....

So yeah, Fed in four.  Because that's the way the universe works. 

(Pics: Getty)

How Do You Say "HOLYCRAPISTHISREALLYGOINGTOHAPPEN" In Mandarin?

Do I dare say it?  Do I jinx it for all of Asia and hard-working, sassy, no-nonsense Asian girls?  I've been trying to ignore Nails as much as possible but, just as sneaky Asians do, she's been quietly kicking-ass, gaining a head of steam, and she now takes the court with an air of inevitability.  Petko definitely experienced the ass-kicking part, as she went up 2-0 in the first set before Nails reeled off the next six games.  The second set was much the same. 

Nails just looks to be a different class of player these days.  She's a subscriber of the Sveta School of "JUST PLAY STUPID, STUPID".  "If you thinking too much, of course you mistake a lot. So tennis, you don't need to thinking too much, just focus."

Focused is exactly the word to describe her right now.  She's 10-0 for 2011, hasn't dropped a set here in Melbourne, hasn't dropped more than 6 games in any match here, and beat Kim in Sydney.  She's playing with intent and direction, knowing precisely what she wants to do on every single shot.  There's no hesitation and it really doesn't look like there's any thought.  It's automatic.  And when a player is in that "automatic" zone, all you can hope as an opponent is that a bucket of cold water drops from the heavens.

That bucket never came for Petko, just like it never came from Vika.  It was enough for Petko to anoint Nails her favorite for the tournament.

"I think she's going to win the tournament.

You know, I haven't seen the other players. It's more a feeling. It's nothing that I can tell you her forehand is good or her backhand. It's just the feeling, how she is on court, her confidence and the way she's playing. I just feel she has a great chance to win the tournament.

Sometimes you get the feeling during the match that somebody is really strong and just has that confidence going on, that aura maybe. Is this a word in English?  Okay."

I'm pretty sure it's a word in Mandarin, too.

Could you imagine how huge it would be for an Asian player, let alone a Chinese player, to win this tournament?  I mean, yeah, Rafa Slams and Britain snapping their streak are big stories, too, but Na Li pulling a Mulan and taking this title for China would change the tennis landscape overnight.  We're talking about a nation of 1.3 billion people that has, so far, left a negligible imprint on one of the most lucrative global sports.  Not only would we be talking of a new generation of Chinese tennis players in 10-20 years, the WTA and ATP Tours could potentially crack open a huge new market.

This would be a really big deal, is what I'm saying.  Nails will have to get past Caroline first to even have a crack at it.  But I can't say that this isn't my favorite storyline coming out of the WTA side of things.

I'm lighting incense and putting persimmons on the mantle as we speak.

(Pics: Getty)

FD Live Blog: AO Day 9

The quarterfinals kick off. Let's talk about it.

Required Reading

• If you haven't been reading Steve Tignor's dispatches from Melbourne, you should.  I keep swinging by his desk to see if I can catch him just do a "We're Not Worthy" bow but alas, our timing seems to be off.  Either that, or he knows I'm stalking him.
• A nice roundup by Pete Bodo (no, really!) of the Fab Five Froshies who will be impressing us for years to come.
• Rafa's Armani pics.  Thank you to the 23 people who have tweeted and emailed me them.  The reason for my shocking lack of commentary?  I find them completely underwhelming, and in the case of the spread eagle shot, totes grody.
• Some cool stats on the Fran/Sveta match from Busted Racquet.  Crazy to believe that a three setter almost eclipsed that Rafa/Fernando match.
• Sam is 34-0 at Slams when she wins the first set and 6-30 when she drops it.  That's a stat to keep in mind down the road.
• Matt Cronin doesn't think Venus should have come to Australia.  Neither does Oracene.  And neither do I.  But I have nothing but respect for her for trying.
• Man, I want to hear Martina's commentary on that Henin/Kuz match.
• Patrick Mouratoglou questions Gael's heart, to which I respond, "what heart?"  Rick's blogs from Melbourne have been great.
• Bodo on his boy A-Rod.  I go back and forth on the question of whether A-Rod's affirmative decision to become less offensive was gutsy or just plain stupid.  Lord knows the two are separated by a very thin line.
• It was a good Aussie Open for America's Hat.
• Bodo on Delpo.  Christopher Clarey, too.
• A great write-up on Carillo leaving ESPN.  She is certainly missed.
• In case you missed it, my heart jumped when my Google Reader lit up with new New Balls, Please posts from Gauloises.  That's right, one of my favorite tennis writers (yes, I'm calling you that, G) is back.  
• Sad face.  I still love you, Sammy.
• I pimped out some Petko.
• An interview with some dude who's been very very nice to me.
• David Rosenberg is writing for Tennis Channel from Melbourne.  He's great.  And a total cutie-patootie.
• Non-Required Reading:  Amy Poehler modeling pics.

Tuesday OOP: It's Business Time.

The second week of a Slam is where the big boys and girls make their money.  So here we go.

Rod Laver Arena: 11am

• Nails vs. Petkovic - Nails seems absolutely unstoppable.  But the thing is, Petko loves to dance.  Am I crazy to call the Petko upset?
• Stan vs. Fed - I refuse to root for either player here, but you know the universe is tempted to fuck me by having Stan take out Fed.  Is that a result I can be happy about?  I genuinely and honestly don't know.
• Caro vs. Fran - There's been lots of talk about how weird the scheduling has been.  I mean, couldn't they have put this match on second on Laver to (a) give the #1 her first primetime slot of the tournament and (b) give Fran the maximum time for recovery?  But I've heard that in the second week the organizers only schedule one singles match at night in order to avoid super-late nights.  So...I guess I can't argue with putting Nole vs. Tomas on at night.  But even then, a bit surprising not to give Fed the stage, no?  Entirely possible he requested the early match, though.
• Nole vs. Tomas (NB 7pm) - STRESS.  But I say Nole in 3.  Yeah, you heard me.  THIS BITCH AIN'T ON HISENSE.

Oh, and don't forget that after Nole and Tomas duke it out, Rod Laver Arena will be transformed to a gladiatorial coliseum, and Huber/Petrova will be unleashed on Black/Rodionova.  Remember that scene in Gladiator where Joaquin gets all carnal and licks his lips in pleasure as everyone and their tiger try and kill Maximus?

Yeah, that will be me. 

Yay! I Got To Write About Petko!

You can read it here.  Click lots.

(Pic: Getty)

Heavy Rollers.

Muzz and Bepa aren't favorites here in Melbourne and without that burden they seem to be rolling comfortably along.  Other than her tricky match against Bojangles, Bepa has looked solid.  Despite my concerns that she's carrying a bit more weight in Australia, she seems to be moving well and playing smart, tactical tennis.  After dropping an early break against Iveta today, she fought back and cruised to a 64 61 victory, booking her place into the quarterfinals.  She'll face a tough test against Petra in the next round.  Better stretch those legs out, Bepa, cuz you gon' be runnin'.

Then there's Andy, who, just like Vera, came into the tournament with a few question marks, namely, where was his form and would he be able to avoid another quizzical early round exit.  He's passed that test and then some, playing some of the finest tennis of the tournament.  He's averaging over two breaks per set, hasn't dropped a set, and hasn't spent more than two hours on court for any match.  He put an exclamation point on his first week with an absolute dismantling of Hand Lotion this afternoon, playing the brand of Andy Murray tennis that leaves opponents in absolute screaming, racquet throwing rage. 

It was dope. 

He even gave a totally adorkable on-court interview afterwards.  When asked why Judy wasn't in his box during his previous match, "My brother was playing doubles at the same time and obviously I'm not the favourite son."  Hee.

Don't worry, Andy.  You're my favourite so-- wait...does that work?

In other news, Kim is looking FANTASTIC:

(Pics: Getty)

Petra Kvitova: She's For Real.

Q. You won the first set, then what happened after that?

FLAVIA PENNETTA: She won the second and the third.

(Pic: Getty)

"I Wasn't Even Supposed To Be Here Today!"

Two weeks ago, Aga didn't even know if she was going to be able to play Melbourne, having been out for almost three months with a stress fracture in her foot.  But she popped in at the last minute, survived Kimiko and a busted racquet, and saved two match points today against Peng to advance to the quarterfinals, matching her best result at the Australian Open, winning 75 36 75 in two hours and 44 minutes. 

Q. Maybe next time you go into a Grand Slam, you should have no practice and no matches.

AGNIESZKA RADWANSKA: Yeah, I think I should have surgery before every Grand Slam definitely.

Her reward?  Some chick named Kim. 

But Aga's playing with no pressure and it seems to suit her.

I think now is no pressure. I just feel very good after my very short off season. Well, I mean, she's a great champion, so I have nothing to lose. So I'm just going to try and play my best tennis and try to win.

Good on ya, Aga. 

(Pic: Getty)

Cheeky Bull.

Big shirt, big game, I s'pose. 

After sweating buckets (he reportedly lost 2.5 kilos in his last match vs. Tomic) Rafa came out in what can only be described as a tent-like-kite-thingy (that's a technical term) and played his best match in Melbourne, bouncing a frustrated Cilic, 2 4 and 3.  He's lucky it wasn't a windy night, I swear he would have flown around the court like that flying squirrel in those Optus commercials.

Rafa said that he finally felt 100% physically and he was less tired and sweaty this time around.  Good news for Rafa, bad news for the field and all the ladies (and boys) who like to see a greased up, clingy, shirt-changey Rafa.

Speaking of which...

Q. Do you find it distracting when everybody is calling out, I love you, Rafa?

RAFAEL NADAL: No, I feel fantastic (laughter).

Q. Are you able to block it out?

RAFAEL NADAL: No, I heard everything. But is nice (smiling).

Q. What about when the girls whistle at you and take pictures of you when you're changing your shirt?

RAFAEL NADAL: That's a very good feeling (smiling).

Q. Could you tell us more about this Armani campaign? Was it a good experience? What do you think of the pictures?

RAFAEL NADAL: Was a long experience, but very good experience, no? Is always nice to know different worlds. The fashion world is something that I didn't know before.

Yeah, was a good session of photos, long one. But hopefully the result are satisfactory, so... I worked very hard, seriously (laughter). So, yeah, was nice. A different experience and I enjoyed.

Q. Do you find you sexy on the picture?

RAFAEL NADAL: I'm not the right person to say. I always watch myself so so. But what do you think? Do you like it?

Q. Yeah, I do.

RAFAEL NADAL: I happy if you like it (smiling).

The hilarity of the exchange simply does not translate in black and white.  Here's hoping video of the preser makes it online.  The boy was in a good mood and absolutely flirty. 

Next up, Daveed, who needed four sets to get by the jaw-droppingly impressive Milos Raonic.  Everyone loves a little Armada on Armada action, especially between those two grinders.

(Pic: Getty)

"Dolly Wants a Cracker. I Think I Should Get Off Him First."

Dude.  You did not.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU TOTALLY DID.

(Pics: Getty)

Monday OOP: It's Tricky.

Monday's OOP.

Moose vs. Melzer:  Melzer could be tricky, but Andy's gotta win this in straights.  Right?  RIGHT???

Rafa vs. Marin: Marin could be tricky, but Rafa's gotta win this in straights.  Right?  RIGHT???

Kim vs. Makarova:  Maks could be tricky, but Kim's gotta win this in straights.  Right?  RIGHT???

Petra vs. Flavia:  Sorry, Flavia.  I think it ends here.

Raonic vs. Ferrer:  Can Daveed figure out the kid's big hitting game?  If Milos has a good service day, watch out.

 

So a Muppet, a Kangaroo, and a Journalist Walk Into a Bar...

So Caro beat Sevastova pretty easily this morning.  Duh.  But once again the real story (to the extent it's a story at all) is what happened in her presser.  Caro pressers have become a bit of a primetime event here in the media center.  They're standing room only, they're entertaining, and to her credit, the kid has been game for any question thrown at her.

The journalists have decided to join in on the fun and have taken Caro's advice to heart and are asking some interesting and fun questions.  Of course, Caro decided to keep fucking with everyone.

Here, let me just quote the transcript:

Q. What is the most exciting thing you've ever done? If it's illegal, we promise not to tell anyone.

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Uhm, embarrassing or just...

Q. Exciting.

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Exciting. I've done a lot of exciting things, I think. The most exciting? There are some things I just can't tell because it wouldn't look good (smiling).

Well, the other day I went to the park and I saw this kangaroo lying there. If you've seen, I'm playing with the thing on my shin here. It was lying there. So I wanted to go over and help it out. As I went over to it, it just started to be aggressive and it actually cut me. So I think that's pretty exciting. But I learned my lesson and I just started running away.

Q. You went to help it out? You thought it was dying or something?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: I thought I was going to be nice and try to help it out because it was just lying there. I thought maybe it needed some help. I wanted to take it up and maybe bring it somewhere.

Q. It was a baby?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: It wasn't big. It was a baby. I just wanted to help it out. I found out that I shouldn't do that.

Q. Scratch you pretty good?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Yeah, it scratched me pretty well. That's why I'm playing with this tape on my shin.

Q. Did you go to the doctor?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Yeah, I went to the doctor. They cleaned it and everything. They wanted to do a few stitches. I said, There's no way you're going to do stitches. I just told them to glue it together. I'm playing with the Steri Strips. It's looking fine. So everyone is happy.

Q. You've done a lot of boxing. Did you think about boxing the kangaroo as it took a swing at you?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: I'm sure that was ready for some boxing. I like boxing.

It looked so cute. But once it started scratching me, I was a coward and I run away.

Q. It wasn't a park near your hotel in the city?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: No, it was just a little bit outside of the city. We were just outside with some friends because we have a lot of friends here. They wanted to show me around the park. There was a kangaroo that didn't want to be nice to me.

All fun and whatever, but I had within five minutes of going into that presser, befriended a couple of Danish journalists who read Forty Deuce.  So I sat with them in the presser and once she started going on about the kangaroo I could tell from their reaction that the whole thing was a crock.  The problem was that the other journalists in the room didn't and I guess people ran with it.  I don't know if they just tweeted it or if people actually wrote stories about it or what, but apparently it became a problem.  Enough of a problem to where hours later, Caro actually came all the way back to the site and held a presser to clarify that the kangaroo story was a joke and since she told the same joke to the Danish media days earlier, she figured that everyone would know it was a joke.

All much ado about nothing, right?  Right.  It's a stupid story about a kangaroo.  I mean, jeez.  But I guess quite a few journos in the media room took exception and I heard everything from accusations that it was irresponsible, that no one should ever believe anything she ever says anymore, that she's taken this prank too far, and that people are here trying to do a job and she's interfering.

IT WAS A FUCKING STORY ABOUT A FUCKING KANGAROO.  I'm sorry, but if you're a traditional journalist who actually prides themselves in reporting "news" why the fuck are you putting all your eggs into a kangaroo pouch?  The kid is having some fun and yes, she probably should have said at the end of the presser "Uh...I was kidding about the kangaroo thing".  But I can also see her point of view that she thought everyone would know it was a joke because she had told the story as a joke a few days earlier.  Naive?  Perhaps.  But what the fuck?  It's a kangaroo story!  Why does anyone care?

I thought it was more hilarious that she got all embarassed when she had to admit that, despite the fact that she's sponsored by Audi, she didn't actually buy an Audi as her personal car. 

Then again, I'm just a juvenile blogger who has no business being in the press room.  What do I know.

 

Dud.

It was supposed to be the match of the day.  A blockbuster display of heavy hitting in the intimate Margaret Court Arena under the blazing Aussie afternoon sun.  Instead, it was a hitting clinic from Tomas and yet another injury disappointment for Fernando.

It took Tomas less than two hours to dispatch a hobbled Fernando, 64 62 63, who reportedly has a broken bone in his foot that may require surgery.  He's got Novak next in the quarterfinals and he'll have his work cut out for him.  Nole has looked fantastic and as Ana watched from his box (!!!) he clocked Nico Almagro, dropping a bagel in the third. 

If that match is on Hisense I'm gonna kick someone in the balls.

(Pics: Getty)

She's a Dancin' Machine.

 

Welcome to the Australian Open quarterfinals, Petko.  She busted a completely-off-her-game Masha 62 63 to ensure that a German would be the women's AO quarters for the first time since Steffi in 1999. A fantastic result for her but let's be real: Masha was a complete no-show.  Girl wasn't just missing by centimeters. She was missing by yards.  It was ridiculous.

Q. Did you feel comfortable out there tonight?

 

MARIA SHARAPOVA: Did it look like it?

Not really.  In a cute little exchange though, the post-match pressers were backed up so as Sveta was finishing her presser, which ran a bit long due to a rambling answer about her millions of prize winnings, Masha poked her head in and with a wide smile, caught Sveta's eye and said "Sveta, you're done!"  Sveta smiled, walked towards the door and kept on rambling.  "They keep asking me what I do with my millions." "She gives it to me!"  They shared a warm and tired hello, patted each other on the back and carried on.  A nice moment between two tired and disappointed champions.

Masha admitted that it was "a bad day at the office", but when asked about whether it was disappointing to no longer be at the top of the game, she reassured everyone that this, tennis, is what she loves.

I have achieved, like you said, done many things in my career. I've won many matches and been No. 1 in the world, and also had an opportunity to say that I've had enough.

You know, I could do many other things in my life. I have enough money; I have a great family around me. But when I was away from the sport, everything I wanted to do was to wake up in the morning and not put my ballerinas on, but to put on my Nikes and go out there and run and play.

When it was taken away from me, I realized how much I loved it. When you go through it every single day, you almost forget a little bit. You take a step back and, you know, I miss this. I really wanted it.

I believe her.  But I'm not sure she ever thought it would be this hard.

Petko's got the absolutely en fuego Nails next.  Nails derailed the Vika train in rather perfunctory fashion, 63 63.  So once again, Vika's a dark horse choice for hard court Slam, and once again she crashes out earlier than expected.  She's still never been past a quarterfinal at a Slam.  It's a really curious run of Slam results for her.  She just did not have any answers for Nails' flat hitting.

If you want some good tennis analysis, Nails is your girl:

Q. Could you tell us what you thought of the match and why you won.

NA LI: Because I'm better, so I won the match.

Okee dokey then, you awesome little truth-teller.

(Pics: AP, Getty)