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If you are a WTA player and you go to the Tokyo tournament, chances are, at some point in your career, you will take part in this annual sushi rolling gig. At least this time they didn't have to play dress up. Looks like they did a pretty nice job with it, too. You can see more pics here.
"Yours looks like Hello Kitty!"
Oh, Aga. Did someone spike her sake with more sake?
Also? Way unsanitary, Vika. Gross.
(Pics: WTA site)
Rafa *finally* took to the court today and, well, he's not rusty. He dropped only eight points on his serve for the match, beating Bemelmens 61 64, to notch his 60th win of the year. As if he needed more reasons to smile. Also, a friend told me he read that Rafa got $1.2M for showing up to Bangkok.
It is good to be the king.
It was, however, not good to be Fernando. He's out of Bangkok with a 64 64 loss to Becker. Becker was actually up 4-0 up in that first set. At least Fer got some Muay Thai lessons out of it.
(Pics: Getty)
Aga was forced to retire down 0-5 to Caro due to a leg injury. There were tears from both but Caro was pretty amazing in her genuine condolensces to her bestie and sometimes tanning partner.
Nice to see. She'll be up against her mindless ball-bashing buddy, Vika, in the semis, and has a pretty damn good chance of capturing that #1 ranking if she does well here and in Beijing. Hold on to your hats.
The other semi will feature Lena vs. Fran. Lena was on the verge of dropping the first set before Bepa failed to serve it out and pretty much went wonky for the rest of the match, throwing in UFE after UFE. It was bummersauce.
As for Fran, she had herself a 3+ hour battle with Kaia and needed two chances to serve out the third set after choking away the first chance pretty badly. Nice to see her back up her late summer results though. Somehow, the better Fran does, the easier RG is for me to take.
(Pic: AP; Getty)
More pics of hilariously confusing traditional costume fails here.
Gilles is just the cutest Baby Daddy ever. And we finally got pics of the family:
Pop go the ovaries.
You've won the award for the Most Inappropriate Sexually Suggestive Tennis Photograph Ever. I mean, there are so many ways I can go with this that I've had joke lock all day. I just couldn't sit on it anymore.
That's what she said.
See what I did there?
In a result that should not and probably does not shock anyone, JJ lost to Kaia in straight sets. That's two wins for Kaia over JJ in a month. I don't watch enough JJ matches to know what's going on with her but I did find one comment from the British Eurosport commentators interesting. Sam Smith was saying (at least, I think it was her) that JJ just straight up has no gameplan these days. She wants to be more aggressive from the baseline but more often than not she's pulling the trigger too early or on shots she has no business trying to hit for winners. It's a combination of no tactics and poor shot selection. People talk all the time about "mindless ball-bashing". This is mindless counterpunching. And it's just as bad.
The girl needs a coach. But apart from that, she needs to allow herself to be coached, and I just don't think she's willing to do that in a meaningful way. I can't blame her, really. I mean, she gave herself over to Ricardo and Etch and they derailed her big time. But she also has to remember that with Ricardo in her corner, she made her only Slam final and she made a four week run that got her that year-end #1 ranking that she so loves.
She's got the movement. She's got the shots. There's no reason to think she can't get herself back into the realm of relevancy. But right now it's just ugly to watch.
I have that shirt. I wore it a few days ago. I can't seem to find it today.
I'm not saying anything. I'm just sayin'.
Also, this is the best picture ever.
The End.
I *think* Rafa's in Bangkok to play tennis. I can't be sure. But he sure is having a good time. The guy just cannot stop smiling.
If you pull out of London with a sprained face, I'm going to be very angry.
As Rafa was off saving the world by planting trees and getting zen, Fernando engaged in some violent boxing demonstrations. Seems about right.
The dude is skilled. You know he has to do this all the time when he hangs out with Feli. It's like being Bieber's bodyguard.
FD Podcast attempts, rather futily, to return triumphantly as Brodie, Victoria, Christina and I hold down the fort while Skype and Lexi having a silent staring contest. We recap our summer tennis adventures, go off on a tangent about tennis statistics, and celebrate the return of JMDP.
And Brodie maaaaaay have wet himself.
Just a reminder, you can download the podcast directly below (right-click save), listen to it on the page (just click the arrow), listen to it from the Forty Deuce Facebook Page, or subscribe to the podcast via iTunes (iTunes lists "0 items" but if you subscribe and then refresh your subscriptions, it'll download).
Andy Murray wants you to know three things: He is lame, he has a dog that is way cuter than he is, and he's going to Beijing.
In turn, I want Andy to know three things: I too prefer vodka to champagne and am rarely ever at a bar after 12:30am, I too have a dog that is way cuter than I am, and I WOULD TOTALLY GO TO BEIJING WITH YOU IF YOU ASKED.
Just thought I'd get that out there.
Brodie watched it all go down.
And Gauloises said it best:
I don't have a signed affidavit, so this will have to do:
"Most important for today is my wrist – and it’s perfect."
WIN.
Kimiko-Tan, you are out of con-fucking-trol. A day after she bounces Masha she celebrates her 40th birthday by advancing to the third round after Dani refused seconds on another bagel and retired, 26 60 40, with a right shoulder injury. That was one hell of a birthday present, Dani. Did Ai put you up to it? Kimiko plays Franny next.
Meanwhile, Ana took one look at Mono's get up and promptly threw in the towel, losing 62 61. The kid is wildly inconsistent right now but that's way better than being consistently stank. So that's the silver lining there, folks.
Except for the minor upsets of Petko over Sveta (dance, bitches!) and Coq Au Vin over Aravane (she's really gotta be hating American teenagers at this point) the remaining seeds pretty much cruised into their next matches. Vika, in her first match since kissing the ground in New York, posted a solid performance against Lucie and Caro does what Caro do: win matches at tournaments no one is watching.
Oh, what's that? You're saying that Sam, the number four seed, lost in straight sets to JULIA FUCKING GOERGES?
Bullshit. No stream, no livescore, and no pictures. It never happened.
WTA Arts & Crafts strikes again.
Robbie took the time out of YouTubing music videos in Tokyo to bedazzle her phone.
So I made the mistake of posting that cobra picture thinking there'd be more tennis news to write about and then I fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up and found nothing really worthwhile and an angry email from DonkeyGrooming, the contents of which are in the post title. So here's a picture of a corgi in a swing.
I apologize.
Um...yeah. So that GIGANTIC FUCKING ADULT FUCKING COBRA was found at the tennis venue at the Commonwealth Games in New Delhi. Oh, and they found another snake in one of the athlete's rooms, too.
I would make a really unnecessary Snakes on a Plane reference except that I really do hate snakes and I would prefer not to deal with them in any way, and that would include having to continue to stare at this blog post as I come up with additional witticisms.
Ok, at first it was cute. But now it's just annoying. Ok, no it's actually not annoying at all. But goddammit, why'd you have to go and beat Masha when she was trying to defend her Tokyo title and send her plummetting out of the top 20? Why'd you have to do it, Kimiko?
Oh. Because you're awesome and it was your home tournament in front of a home crowd? Ok, fine. That's a damn fine reason if I ever heard one.
Also, Masha? Betty Draper sucks, ok? In particular, she sucks balls this season on Mad Men. If you wanted to channel some awesome then you'd be dressing more like Sally, not her horrible tool of a mother. So I fully expect you to come out in Beijing wearing nothing but Jon Hamm's t-shirt. Take your fashion cues from awesome people, not emotionless hacks played by people who used to date Ashton Kutcher.
I really don't think this is news.
You know what is news? Ana winning a match, beating Kleybs easily in fact, after her dismal Heinzless showing in Seoul last week. And dudes, Ana played WELL. Great serving, fantastic movement, and phenomenal hitting on her forehand side. It was ridonk and a truly pleasant surprise.
But of course, the laws of the universe kicked in and Dinara lost to Julia Goerges.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BESTIES DO.
Say it with me. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....
Gilles beats Zverev in Metz to cap off a fantastic week for him. That's going to make an amaaaaazing pacifier.
Over in Seoul, Kleybs pics up her second title of the season on Asian hard courts, dusting surprise finalist K-Zak in straight sets. Congrats, Kleybs. No please be tired and lose to Ana in Tokyo.
Alla Kudrywhatever picks up the first title of her career in Tashkent, beating Vezzie. Sad for Vez.
And Chela wrapped up the clay season by winning in Bucharest.
So I keep fondling this heavy chess piece I just happen to carry with me all the time. This is real, right? He's really going to step out on to a tennis court in front of people, wearing tennis clothes, and swinging a tennis racquet? I'm not making this up?
Because I keep thinking this might all be a dream. Like, let's say a level 2 dream. Stick with me here and think about it: Of course I would have him coming back to a tournament in Southeast Asia and the people populating my dream would be other Asians. Let's even extend this out. I would not put it past my subconscious to construct a dreamworld wherein Sam shows up to a presser dressed as a lumberjack, JJ is a samurai, Rafa joins in on some Buddhist chants on a beach, and Masha spins around for no reason.
THESE ARE THINGS I WOULD TOTALLY PUT IN MY DREAMS.
I mean, Sam's eating a tiny-ass crab. HOW FUCKING SURREAL IS THAT???
So seriously, I don't know what to believe. I have no idea when I'm going to kick out of this. Or maybe I don't want to kick out of it. Maybe this is my happy place. Maybe it's ok that I stay in this all-too-perfect dream world and continue to live in ignorant bliss ignoring the harsh complications of the real world, floating amidst the clear blue sk-- What? Who? She...aw, bummer.
Ok, nevermind. After an impressive qualifying run, Robbie lost in the first round of Tokyo to Greta Arn. So this is real life, where every good thing that happens to me has to be accompanied by a horse kick to the face.
Sorry, I meant crab.
Also, she's boozing it up again in Asia. Which is awesome.
You know, for someone who's a bit on the shy side, the kid is rocking Facebook.
Rafa gets all cute and spiritual in Bangkok with a bunch of Buddhist monks.
You can see more pics here.
If I had a nickel for every picture my parents had of of me in this pose, I could buy Honey Deuces for the world. THE WORLD.
Here's a roundup of what's at stake over the weekend:
Kleybs, Agnes, Nadia, and K-Zak are into the semis of Seoul, with Klara ousting Dinara yesterday in straight sets. If you're an Ana fan, you'll be watching Kleybs' progress over the weekend in hopes that she's exhausted by the time she gets to Tokyo. Yes, it's come to this. Over in Tashkent it'll be Vezzie vs. Alla, each of whom are trying to win their first career titles. Go Vez!
As for the guys, Richard, Gilles, Techno, and Zverev are in the semifinals in Metz. The result of note? Techno reeling off 10 of the last 11 games to beat Marin in the quarterfinals. Seriously, what the french is going with that guy?
In Romania, Montanes, Granollers, Chela, and Andujar will duke it out for the last dirt title of the season.
Lastly, if you're interested at all, the qualie draw in Tokyo is pretty interesting. L-Rob is there and she won her first round match over #57 Sevastova (not an easy feat -- Sevastova won a title and beat Ana and JJ earlier this year), and she'll play the winner of Halep/Flipkens for a spot in the main draw. Whoever wins that Halep/Flipper match will have to turn around play Robbie later in the day. Good luck, Laura!
And as a random aside, I was totally shocked to see MGMT in the qualie draw. Didn't realize she'd fallen that far.
Did JJ not get the memo? Serena's not playing Tokyo.
Did someone photoshop out the dildos? Because those are some seriously anemic fist pumps, if that's what they're trying to do.
The Tokyo draw is out and everyone in that picture has a reason to be smiling other than Lumberjack Sam. She's in a quarter along with Vika, Ana, Dinara, Aravane, Wicky, and Mono. That's...rough. So I will excuse her weird fist thing up there. But the rest of you? No excuses.
In other news, BEPA YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME! CAN YOU????
Come on, Caro. Do us a solid and tell her.
Someone's gotta get through that thick skull of hers.
Thanks to @lynnlovestennis for tweeting.
Dinara won! Ana lost.
And so it goes.
The 2011 Davis Cup draw is out. Serbia, the top seed, gets the home tie against India, the Americans are going back to South America, and Spain is going to Belgium. In Zonal news, the Swiss have a first round bye and the Brits host Tunisia, which, seriously, if you can't win that one without Andy, I don't know what to tell you.
WORLD GROUP
First Round
Serbia (s) (c) v India
Russia (s) v Sweden (c)
Czech Republic (s) (c) (*) v Kazakhstan
Argentina (s) (c) v Romania
Chile (c) v USA (s)
Belgium (c) v Spain (s)
Germany v Croatia (s) (c)
Austria (c) v France (s)
Holy shit. He's playing Bangkok.
I expect nothing from him other than to be tall, lanky, mopey, and to carry a big stick. But is there anyone in the tennis world that isn't excited to see him back?
Andy and Serena were in London to attend the Burberry show. Poor L-Rob was in Japan struggling to stream the thing. I honestly had no idea you could stream fashion shows.
You're cute. I don't care what anyone says. Even though I totally know Kim dressed you. Because I refuse to believe that your brain could concoct that much casual awesomeness.
The sneaks, the scarf, the coat, the fact that you love Burberry.
I LOVE BURBERRY, TOO, ANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Call me!
(Pics from Daylife)
So I'm sitting here catching on a month's worth of Tivo and I started going through my files. Sometimes, as you're surfing the interwebz, you just see funny or interesting photos and you save them, not having any idea if you're going to actually have a reason to use them in the future.
So here's me unloading a few randoms on you.
Too cute.
Vania and Shveddy at the Wimbledon Champions Ball.
I...don't want to talk about it.
If there's one thing we know about Igor, it's that he likes pretty things.
Ah. A classic.
Masha, about to eat her dinner.
Robbo and one of her two pooches.
Sorana looking...normal.
Swoooooooooooooon.
Leather brings out the best in everyone.
Yowza.
Never forget.
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