Forty Deuce

At Least It Wasn't A Double Bagel

Maria from The Double Bagel was on hand to watch Masha go down in flames in her WTT match for the Newport Breakers. 

Personally, I'm going with Maria's airtight logic on this one.

See you at Stanford, Shazza.  Would it be weird if I brought her a Sprinkles cupcake?  Nah.  Creepy?  Absolutely.  But what if I turned it into a presser question?

"Hi Maria.  C Note from Forty Deuce.  I'm sure you've heard of it.  I have a two part question: (1) do you like cupcakes and (2) how many bites would it take to down this one.  Please feel free to demonstrate."

I'll work on my sentence structure, but you get the drift.

Do You Love Serbia or Not? Choose, JJ.

JJ's teamed up with AK-47 for dubs in Portoroz.  That's nice.

She also beat Bojana today.  That's not nice.

Stalker? Is She Talkin' About Me?

New blog up from Petko.  And it's better than the first.

Also, apropos of nothing, this happened:

Little Bo Cone done lost her sheep, yo.

Pic This: Oh Hai, Common.

From the WTA SuperFans page.

Ok, you guys. That's a big muthaeffin walking cast.  Seriously, I'm so confused.

This Is Just An Excuse For Me To Mention Mia Hamm.

According to a poll, five of the USA's top 10 favorite female athletes is a tennis player.  Man, Americans still really love Anna K?  And I call BS on Danica Patrick.  I have never heard ANYONE say they liked her.

But yay Mia! Before there was Sam Stosur, or my dog Chase, there was Mia Hamm, the most reluctant sports superstar ever.

Oh, and thanks YouTube.  I haven't seen this in, well, 11 years. 

One of my favorite sports marketing commercials of all time.

"Yes, Serena, now I know how you feel."

So I went to this awesome German restaurant last night for dinner and as I looked up to place my order for the schnitzel und Radeberger, I had to do a double-take.  Our server looked EXACTLY like Petko.  Same look, same voice, same dry sense of humor.  I had to get DonkeyGrooming's validation so that I knew I wasn't just nutty.  But it was a good thing I saw her because it reminded me to post this:

Petko is defending her title in Bad Gastein this week.  She even won her first rounder over Iveta today, 4 and 0. 

But more importantly, SHE'S BLOGGING THIS WEEK.  Get on it and tweet her some love.

Kudos to the WTA brass for recognizing her awesomeness.

Pic This: The More Things Change...

Nice to see these two pasty kids together on vacay. 

I have no comment on those shorts though.

(Source: New Balls, Please)

Air Quotes: Well Then Can I Recommend a McDonalds and Starbucks Run, Too?

"There was no deep reasoning. I must have been having a Britney Spears moment."

-- A-Rod on shaving his head. 

It's amazing what guys do once they have their woman locked down.

Required Reading

• More on SerenaGOAT.  And Tignor weighs in.
• Uncle Jamie gives tennis tweeters some tips.  Can I get a shot of "Amen!" and a "Hallelujah!" chaser? 
• Nice piece in the NYT on Querrey California's comeback from shredding his arm.
• Gauloises over at New Balls, Please does a cautious happy dance: Delpo could be back in September.
• More discussion over Ana's non-wildcard sitch, from Stephanie Myles and Tom Tebbutt.
• Sammy Stones did some interviews down under.
• Boyfriend weighs in on Serena's foot.

• Non-Tennis Required Reading: This piece from the New Yorker.  A fantastic long-form piece of creative non-fiction on the science (or not) behind art authentication.

May I Recommend Some Tinactin?

Following up on news that Serena's foot injury will require her to miss all of the lead up tournaments to the USO, now comes news that she's possibly, maybe, there's a chance, who knows, questionable for the USO itself.  She had her foot surgery this week and is recovering.

It's still unclear why the injury was so extensive that she needed surgery, and why she's now projecting the surgery could keep her out of a tournament that is two months away.  She cut her foot on some broken glass after Wimbledon and played with the foot injury at that exo in Belgium.  According to her WTT team, she had a cut on her foot and needed stitches.  So did she get the stitches before Belgium?  Is she just getting them now?  I'm so confused.  I'm sure she's hurt and she'll need to stay off that foot for a bit, but "stitches" ain't "surgery".

Personally, I'll believe Serena's out of the USO when she fails to show up for her first round match and the umpire calls a forfeit.  Until then, I'm not buying the crazy she's selling.

Journeyman Glory

While the rest of us are taking a much needed break from the intense first half of the season, the journeymen and women of the ATP and WTA keep plugging away with success.  How do you define a journeyman?  To me it's someone who literally plays tennis for a living.  They probably don't have coffers of cash to fall back on from prior Slam/Masters/Premier wins, or an easy payday from sponsors that allow them to play tennis without too much stress over how they're going to afford their apartment at home.  These are the men and women who plug away week in and week out, picking up paychecks wherever they can.  Glory may come every once in a while, but really, they're playing to win matches so that they pay to get to their next tournament.  You have to tip your cap to them.

 

So big ups to Albie, for taking the title in Stuttgart.  Sure, Gael had to retire due to an ankle injury he sustained in the first set.  But Albie plugged away all week, played some quality tennis, and walks away with a pretty swanky Merc.  Maybe it's just the lawyer in me but all I can think whenever I see prizes like that is "Shit, the taxes are gonna suck."

 

And how about the month Kaia's had?  She's someone that has to play with confidence to win and she seems to be putting it together.  People seem to forget that just over a year ago she was ranked #18 in the world and she was a legitimate upset threat at any tournament she entered.  Nice to see her back-up her win over Sam at Wimbly with a solid run in London and now a tournament title in Palermo.

Sorry, Flavs.

 

And Agnes!  You keep giving me false hope that you're on your way back, but I'll take it, even if you insist on wearing the samurai headband.

 

And then there was Nico, who beat Sod in his own backyard in Bastaad.  Sod wasn't all too happy about it.
I get being pissed at the umpire, but come on.  At least congratulate your opponent.

Tuesday Tunes

He's Off The Market, Ladies

Steps and Nik finally tied the knot.  And all snarking aside, they look both look lovely.

But maybe don't use frame this one on the mantel.

But...She Adidases Montreal!

Here's what Ana said two years ago in Montreal:

"In two years I'm gonna come back here and try to be eager to win again. Hopefully, you know, I'll still have the good support."

Montreal doesn't care about your pandering, Ana.  They're not giving you a wildcard.  You're going to have to play qualies to get in.  To a tournament that you won.  Four years ago. 

Look, I totally understand the tournament's decision.  They don't have a problem selling tickets and therefore don't need her name or face for marketing.  That's fine.  But how about a little respect for a former champion who has done nothing but say nice things about your tournament and help you, in the past, market the shit out of it?  We're not talking about some aging, on her way out, former champion from 10 years ago.  We're talking about a 23 year old kid in a slump. 

Be nice to your former champs.  Seems like a pretty easy rule.

This Is Why You Should Never DDR In Heels.

Serena's out of competition until (conveniently) the US Open because she has to have surgery on the foot that she cut when she stepped on a piece of glass at a restaurant.  No further details on what exactly the surgery is for. 

So...sorry, Istanbul, Cincy, and Montreal.  Especially you, Istanbul.  We know she loved you the most.

"Dance, Midget, Dance!"

After a much needed hiatus, the FD Podcast Team: Sex and the City edition, returns.  We discuss the Wimbledon hubbabaloo, check in with the top 15 WTAers, talk about Stanford and San Diego, and give some tips to those planning their USO trips.

And Victoria accidentally gets drunk.

Oh, and my best gay and DonkeyGrooming crash the party and we talk Twilight for an inordinately long time.

Just a reminder, you can download the podcast directly below (right-click save), listen to it on the page (just click the arrow), listen to it from the Forty Deuce Facebook Page, or subscribe to the podcast via iTunes (iTunes lists "0 items" but if you subscribe and then refresh your subscriptions, it'll download).

FD Podcast #20: Burnout

It Must Be Love...Again.

New USO Series commercials are out.  Well..."new" is kind of overstating it.  But even though they look and sound the exact same as last year's series, there are some gems.  Here they are, in order of C Note entertainment value:

Uh...that's pretty much it. The rest are pretty much boresville.  They really need to just edit a 30 second clip of Bepa going ballistic and call it a day.

Let Me Blow Your Mind.

Serena was able to shake off her "cut foot" to throw what was clearly, the best party ever (it was a pre-ESPY party).

See why, after the jump.

Required Reading

• The New Yorker ponders "Why aren't there more assholes in tennis?"
• Boyfriend says Serena's the GOAT.
• A lot of other people say "Bitch, please."
• Stephanie Myles has an amazing photo montage bordering on stalkerazzi (and I mean that as a compliment) on Mikey LLodes.
• Fierce Tennis breaks down Masha's decision to play doubles at Stanford with Yanina.  Yanina Wickmayer.  Like...the Belgian chick.  
• Tignor's thoughts on how we watched the ATP get flipped on its head over the course of 4 weeks.

Pic This: "Make Me Forget My Own Name."

I want it in my pants.

 

See more sponge-worthy pics over at HCFoo's blog.

Yay! Now Let's Get Out Of Here.

Nole was the hero in the saucy Croatia/Serbia tie, clinching it with a really weird win over Marin the fourth rubber.  Marin played like shit and Nole kept building these 5-0, 4-0, leads in the sets before struggling to close them out.  The crowd was obnoxious as expected, perhaps not realizing (or caring) that they were freaking out Marin and costing their team points.  

Nole was able to keep his cool though, thankfully, and after the match he immediately ran over to the Croatian bench and shook everyone's hand before joining his boys for some hugging and jumping.  All in all, this tie could have been completely out of control if not for the class of the players on both sides of the net.  So good on them.

So the semifinals are set: Argentina at France and the Czechs at Serbia on what I can only assume will b super-slick hard courts and super-slow clay courts, respectively.  That's some tasty shit right there.

Like A Fat Kid Love Cake.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

Congrats to Nalby and his band of baby blue men.  The King of Davis Cup came through in the decisive rubber, beating Mischa to advance them to the semis. 

Even Marat was happy for him.

Something tells me that come September, we're going to be looking at where Nalby ends up in the USO draw.

Tuesday Tunes

La Furia Roja.

Things I know: Spain won.

Things I don't know: How I got from the bar to my bed.

Things I know: Iker Casillas is the greatest thing ever made by the hands of god.

Things I don't know: Why I would buy champagne for 20 total strangers.

Things I know: Rafa is the most adorable fanboy ever.

Things I don't know: How I'm going to fill the cavernous hole in chest now that the RG/Wimby/World Cup swing is over.  I'll probably just sit in a chair, stare out a window, and listen to Lykke Li as the seasons roll by.  But it's ok.  The pain will remind me that it was real.  That it really happened.

Bastaads. All Of You.

Aravane picked up her second title of the season, beating Gisela in three sets.  How's this for a stat: WeatherVane is 4-0 when she makes the final of a tournament.  If I were a betting man, I'd keep that stat in mind in the future.

The dubs final offered a bit of redemption for both Olivia and Flavs (Flavs lost 3 and 1 to her in the semis) as they picked up their fourth title of the year.  It's starting to look like we're going to see them in Doha.  That should be fun.  I hope they get to go shopping again.

Girl, Stop Trying To Bring Back Hammer Pants. I'm From Oakland. I'm Telling You To Stop.

MaShasha were in Italy last week on vacay.  I don't know much about Sasha really, but I do love that he makes Masha not look like a giant, which she is.  And they're totally cute together.

But the pants.  Oh, the pants.

Pic This: Oh Yeah. JJ.

JJ graces the cover of Gloria IN, in a classy black one-piece that I can only assume was not her first choice.  I've said it once and I'll say it again: LET JJ BE JJ.

And once again, her face has been airbrushed to bits. 

But seriously, did bootie shorts just hit Europe or something? 

His Girl Friday.

Guess who's gonna be firing hard-hitting questions at the likes of Masha, Dinara, Ana, and Sam?

That's right.  The Tennis Gods, for whom I have slaved away for over two years, have finally seen fit to reward my efforts.  I've been granted a press credential for the Bank of the West Classic, held right in my backyard at the school I always dreamed of attending, at the end of the month.  I have no idea what FD coverage is going to look like but it sure will be fun.  The entry list is already stacked with a stable of FD faves.

I just wanted to thank all of you FD readers who have been extremely kind and supportive.   You're the reason I got the pass.   I mean, I have to report page views and whatnot in the media application.  No doubt that you all "clicked" me through the door.  I'll do my best to represent the FD Nation well.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to find a pinstripe suit, a hat, and rogueshly handsome foil who talks a mile a minute.  It's time to unleash my inner Rosalind Russell.

Pic This: So...There's That.

"Hang the Serbs.  Never forget, Never Forgive."

Lana, from Great Tennis Photos, has more.

Kickin' It.

As we all suspected, Rafa's in South Africa, clothed in red and gold, face painted, and armed with a vuvuzela.  Wait...hold on...ok, upon further fact checking only one of those things is true.  But we can dream.

As for me, I will be with my trusted groomer of donkeys at a bar tomorrow morning rooting on Iker and his band of merry men.  Don't let me down, Spain.  If you thought I was despondent after you booted by Mannschaft, you don't even want to know how much rage will well up in my body if you lose to the Dutch National Diving Team.  La Furia Roja, indeed.

Pack your speedos!

Random Factoid of the Day: GOATs Float!

Fed is topless (eek!) and vacationing in the Mediterranean with the wifey. 

 

I mean, really, would you ever mistake this guy for a professional athlete?

His physique boggles my mind.  Like really.  And I don't mean that in a mean way, actually.  I just mean that it boggles my mind that he's able to do what he can on a tennis court without looking particularly athletic by professional standards.  All power to him, but...it's weird.

Pic This: Karmic Retribution For Photobombing.

Get It, Serbia.

Nenad and some bearded girl won their dubs rubber today, which puts Serbia in driver's seat at 2-1.

Bless.

Allez, All The Time.

Ok, seriously.  How can you not root for France? 

Mikey Llodes put the team on his shoulders and just killed it this weekend.  Heck, not even *this* weekend.  More like he transformed into a top 10 player for 36 hours, first beating Fer in singles, then teaming up with his...friend...and taking out Fer and Feli to clinch the tie for France.

Well done, France.  That shit was gayer than the tent scene.  Oh yeah, I said it.  I SAID IT.

Davis Cup: The Only Thing Nalby Loves More Than Food.

I WILL EAT YOU.

Nalby doesn't play a match for like, three months, drops into Moscow, and takes out Kolya in Davis Cup.  I mean, that's what the guy does.  You have to feel for Nalby.  I hope he gets to hoist that DC trophy one day.  You know if he does he'll use it as a food bowl for the rest of his life.  Like, cereal, every morning.  No spoon.

Mischa leveled it at 1-1 after beating Mayer.  It'll be up to T-Gabs and Consumption to stop the Nalby train tomorrow.  You have to think that if Argentina takes the dubs, it's all but over. 

Francey McFrancey!

Red cards, indeed.

Don't get me wrong, I love the teamy Spaniards.  But the Frenchies give them a run for their money in the HoYay! department.  Today was no exception.

 

After Gael did what he does, win in unnecessarily dramatic fashion (won in 5 sets after being up 2-0), it was Mikey Llodes' turn to try and pull off a big win to put France in the driver's set.

Which he did, serving and volleying his way past a frustrated, exasperated, and confuzzled Fer to take it in four sets.  Fer was jawing with everyone who would give him the time, Allison Lang (boy, don't you dare), Costa, the air, his teammates.  Sadly, his behavior isn't shocking to anyone who's seen his matches over the past few months.  Dude's head ain't right. 

And he got fat.  Or so I've been told.

Tomorrow should be super fun and full of HoYay!  Fer/Feli vs. Llodes/Apricot.  Boys, boys, let's forget about the tennis.  Just strip and start making out.  You want it, we want it, why the charade?

Can't We All Just Get Along?

The great thing about sport is that it can bring people together.  In most countries, top athletes are more influential than politicians.  So it sure was nice to see the laughs and the love between the Serbs and the Croats prior to their DC tie.  This is the first time the countries are meeting since the countries split under not so super-happy-fun-times circumstances.

Unfortunately, the fans weren't paying attention.  On the way to his straight set win over Lubey, Nole had endure some retardedly disrespectful behavior from the Croat fans.  They refused to stand for the Serbian national anthem and chanted "Kill the Serb" during the match.  

I'm always flabbergasted when fans do this shit because it seems so shortsighted.  Don't they realize that it does nothing to pump up their own player?  It sure as hell distracted Lubey:

“It was strange to see guys, the crowd, whistling on Serbian anthem and the players and so loud on ours. You could feel the tension; you could feel the emotion so it was really difficult for me to play the first couple of games.”

Nole said the jeering calmed down once it was clear that he was going to win the match.  Afterward and during the rubber, he stayed calm and classy:

Djokovic was just pleased to come out with a win. “It’s sensitive circumstances that we play in and considering the situation between the two countries that they had 20 years back and, of course, it’s still very fresh [in the mind],” he said.

“We are professional athletes and tennis players and we don’t involve politics in sport. We want to perform our best four the country and win; that’s what I did today and in the end I got a nice appreciation from the crowd for what I have done today so this is what I remember from the match.”

Marin would come back to level the tie 1-1 win a win over Viktor.  On to Day 2.

Pic This: You Like What You See?

Suck it.

Required Reading

• According to the NY Times, players are so over Davis Cup.
• Players set a good example in the Serbia/Croatia tie.  And the NYT is really obsessed with it.
• And people say she's a cold hearted bitch?
• There's losing a bet and then there's what happened to A-Rod. Ew.
• As expected, Rafa's ready to Vamos on Sunday.
• An awesome interview with our favorite Mini-Marat, Ernie.
• Haasi a Daadi.
• Getting to know Anastasija Sevastova.

Vamos!

 

The Rafa-less Armada is in France awaiting their Davis Cup tie.  I don't think they have tennis on the brain quite yet.

So cute.  Tip of the cap to you, Spain.  You were the better team.

No word on whether Rafa's going to hop a plane for the final.  But you'd be an idiot to bet against it.  It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.  That said, it'd be kind of a dick move considering the rest of the Armada can't go and the only reason Rafa could go is that he's skipping the tie.

(Pics here.)

So a Moose and a Cougar Walk Into A Bar...

Moose was on a show in Britain. He was adorkable. Especially when slow dancing. No seriously. Stick it out to the end.

Here's the extended version of his Autograph rimming. I mean ribbing. Wait, what?

Side note: I don't know if it's because I'm all in a tizzy after staring at the perfectly pale R-Pattz for two hours tonight, but Moose looked goooooooooooooood.

Tuesday Tunes

Air Quotes: Your Ghostwriter Has Writer's Block?

Q. How is the writing going?

SERENA WILLIAMS: I think I have writer's block again. I don't think I can be a good writer because I keep writer's block about 360 days out of the year.

Air Quotes: Team Edward.

Q. They say you look just like Rob. Do you ever get confused for Robert Patterson? It's a great compliment to look like Robert Patterson.

GILLES SIMON: Too many person told me that at the moment. So, yeah, I think that should be.

But, you know, when someone tell you that you look like someone you're never happy. You just wasn't be yourself .

But I know my coach told it to me the first time, and then Novak Djokovic always call me Robert when he see me.

I can't wait to see Nole and Gilles do "Breaking Dawn" at next year's Monte Carlo Player Party.

I Can't Be The Only One.

I can't promise I'll be covering much over the next few weeks.  Maybe a podcast and some shirtless Davis Cup pictures.  Anything else is just a bonus.

All Shook Up.

Roger's #3 for the first time since November 2003, and A-Rod drops to #9.  And for all his hard work, Halpert got a 1 spot boost.  This tennis is a harsh-ass sport.

JJ's #2.  That's all you need to know.

Required Reading

• Spaniards agree: Rafa's the most inspiring Spanish athlete.
• Appreciating Masha's newfound maturity.
• Thoughts on that whole "time violation" business.
• I don't think there's any better term for Navs/Evert than "rivalship".
• Is the Fed-Era over?  Is it?  IS IT??? IS IT!!!?!?!??!?!?!?  (Translation: I liked those articles)
• "Mr. Nadal is also known to be a great fish eater."  Heh.  Sure he is.
• J-Mac's interesting quotes on Rafa, Muzz, and Fed.
• Janko got married and now the Serbs are in Split.  Enjoy the view.
• Corina's engaged!

How Bazaar.

Harper's Bazaar's gamble paid off and Serena will be gracing their cover.  Some great words about body image issues but can't she just own up to the US Open outburst?  No matter what you thought of the call, just admit that you were totally out of line, girl.  And I don't mean admit it once and move on.  Own up to it.  Every damn time.

Then again, what can you expect from a woman who asked Justine for fashion advice.  I mean, really.

Pic This: The Dance

Now, now.  Dollar for dollar, you got a better show.

Kiss it, rub it, make sexy love to it, Pronk.  Good show.

Oh, you two.  My broken heart, it overflows with wub.

Sigh.  Maybe next year?

Ack!  Bring back the monogram.

BRING BACK THE MONOGRAM!!!

Is that Rafa's shirt?  Did you steal it?  It kinda fits you.

Whatever.

"Is that...is she...is that his...?  I'm gonna have to cut a bitch.  Right after my flight lessons."

 

Hey Rafa!  Do you have a towel I can borrow?  No?  Bummer.

 

Ah.  To happier, dorkier times, Moose.

 

It's a pity he wasn't able to ump the final.

 

Big ups to your boy!

Hope she was smiling in the morning...

Did Lucie not get the Rayban memo?

Collar poppin'.

 

World Peace!

All you need is love.

 

Thanks for the show, Tomas.

Jesus Christ, Jamie, GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Occam's Razor.

For my entire tennis-following life I've been told that "the Channel Slam" is, like, impossible.  Only four players have accomplished it.  So how is it that it's been done three times in the last three years? 

Occam's Razor.