First of all, Chase, you should be so lucky. Secondly, the fact that you play a sport where there are "legit gays" means you've already sinned and God's not listening. Thirdly, God help the "legit gay kid" who got stuck rooming with your homophobic ass.
How exactly does one become a "legit" gay? Do you apply for a "gay visa"? Do you wear a shiny gold stamp? Is there a certification procedure? If so, can I watch?