As promised, here are the official rules Forty Deuce Drinking Game: Roland Garros Edition. Guaranteed to destroy your liver by Day 3 or your money back.
Sip every time:
- Lynn Welch overrules a call and is right.
- Fedal is mentioned.
- Caro hits a moonball.
- A commentator refers to Rafa as "The King of Clay".
- Monfils does something equally crowd-pleasing yet career-threatening.
- Sveta anger-tweets away the pain.
- John McEnroe talks over a point.
- The commentators mention Justine's "beautiful game".
- The cameras catch Mirka texting, snapping gum or otherwise looking bored out of her skull.
- Dragana does her "living statue" impression.
- A-Rad looks like she's pissed about something.
- Commies bemoan the collective serving woes of the WTA.
- ESPN mentions the potential of an All-Williams Final.
- Sammy Stones fires down an ace.
- Justine shoots a look at Carlos.
- Daveed sticks out his tongue.
- Fed hits a forehand drop shot. This escalates to a chug if we get a Fedal final.
- Daveed holds a towel in his mouth.
- Brad Gilbert intentionally or unintentionally fucks someone's name up.
- Masha double-faults.
- Ana catches a ball toss.
- The commies mention Dinara's "slump".
- Commies bring up Fed's amazing inside out FH breakpoint down against Haas last year and how that changed THE ENTIRE COURSE OF HUMAN HISTORY AS WE KNOW IT!!!
- The Parisian crowd either whistles at a player or an umpire.
- Aunt Pimmy's hair is frizzy
Gulp every time:
- Kader confirms an out call by wagging his finger at a player.
- Chris makes fun of Brad's creative use of language.
- "Dickie Gasquet".
- Justin Gimelstob looks like he's got some oil in his T-Zone.
- Clips of Rafa falling down or pushing the cameraman out of the way after his RG08 loss.
- Nole's penchant for retiring in matches is mentioned.
- Fer doublefaults on game, set or match point.
- Tennis Channel sends Corina out on the grounds to awkwardly interview people.
- Serena lets out a primal roar.
- There's a reference to "The Spanish Armada" with no reference to Tommy Robredo
- JJ goes to the ground.
Chug every time:
- You have the urge to either make out with Darren or crawl into Cliffy's lap. If you get the urge to make out with Pam or crawl into Mary's lap, you seriously need to stop the game ASAP. It's not funny anymore. You could really get hurt.
- Rafa wins a set losing fewer than 3 games.
- Feli tries to distract his opponent by showing a little thigh.
- The commentators discuss the possibility of Fed or Serena getting the Grand Slam.
- Mono calls an MTO
- A-Rod goes apeshit on an umpire.
- There's a rain delay.
- The commies talk about Rafa's parents' divorce.
- Vika bitches. About...whatever.
- JJ starts or continues beef.
- Sammy Stones muffs an easy volley.
- The commentators talk up the U.S. men's prospects on clay.
- "Handapalooza" is mentioned.
- You really really miss JMDP.
- The clip of Masha's "Cow on Ice" plays.
- Sveta is even mentioned.
- The Frenchies are referred to as "Musketeers".
- The Adidas Player Development Program is mentioned.
- The commies mention how ridiculous it is that Nole could end the tournament at #1.
Clean a box of Franzia if:
- Fed loses before the semifinals.
- Ernie loses in the first round.
- Andy Murray makes it to the quarterfinals.
- Nole retires from a match.
- Masha makes it further in the draw than Justine.
- Ana makes the quarterfinals.
- JJ finally beats Justine.
- Flavia and Gisela win the doubles title.
Give up on tennis and pursue a life of vagrant alcoholism if:
- The winner on the WTA side comes from the bottom half of the draw.
