Forty Deuce

Someone's Got A New Profile Pic...

You know, it'd be a hell of a lot harder to make fun of JJ all the time if she always looked like this. 

Girl, you need to hire whoever did your make-up for a full-time gig.  He or she is totally the Ken Paves to your Chicken of the Sea.

Or maybe this is the winner's afterglow.  Nah. It's the makeup.

Um...I Hope This Wasn't For Charity.

If you play and exhibition and no one watches, was anything actually ever exhibited? 

This is the existential question I am left with after watching this video of the exhibition in Miami involving Scary Spice, Jay Sean, Nole, and Ana.  Congratulations, Miami organizers.  You found, in Mel B, someone who is currently less relevant to tennis than Ana Ivanovic.

Kick-Snare-Crash.

But really, I'm not complaining.  Anything that gets Ana and Nole to hug at the net is A-OK by me.

Oh, Jesus. We're In Miami, Aren't We.

Like death and taxes, you can always count on Aga to dress up as a hooker in Miami.

So I've never been to Miami.  All I know about it is what I see on TV or in movies.  Oh, and the Will Smith song that I will not quote for yet *another* year in reference to this tournament.  But from what I can gather from my extensive pop culture learnings, it seems pretty fucking cheesy. 

These Miami Player Party pictures do not help dispel this notion.

 

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK is Caro wearing?  She makes Aga look like Coco Chanel here.  There are simply no words.  You are the #2 female tennis player in the world and *that's* what you show up in?  If I didn't know any better I would have just thought she was some belly dancer that was wandering around and Aga drunkenly grabbed her for a picture.

Because you know Aga would.

 

And this?  THIS?  I'm sorry but if I am ever asked me again why I don't lust after this guy I will whip this picture out every time.  Normally he just looks like he reeks of Paco Rabanne.  Now he looks like he reeks of Axe Body Spray, BO, hair product, and GHB.  Just...ew.

If you threw this photo up against a wall it would stick.

(*whisper* Cuz it's tacky.)

 

Oh, was it too warm for your "scarf", Muzz?

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate ING!JJ?  Oh, I haven't?  BECAUSE I DO.

Let her fly her freak flag, ING.  It's pretty much the only reason we care.

"Are you trying to be down, down, down, down, down on women's tennis?"

Thank you, Venus for looking awesome.  I'm going to end this post/rant on a high note.

I Wish I Could Call In Sick With A Hangover

I said soak it in Austrian cheese, Serena, not soak it in alcohol.

Pic This: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

FeliVer go back in time in their beach volleyball gear to interrupt Lindsay's practice session.

Well At Least She Had A Good Time While She Was There

The kid just loves Indian Wells.  There is no other tournament that brings out her smile as much as the desert.  Of course, these pics were obviously taken before she became a Top 60 player.  So, you know, grain of salt.  In the wound.

DRAGANA IS SO FUCKING BADASS!!!

I really really love Heinz. 

Uh, and he likes Ana.  I guess.

Black fingernails?  Is it because you feel black on the inside, Ana?  IS IT???

Ok, so I'm not posting that many action shots of Ana.  Why?  Because they all look like shit.  She's out of balance, early, or late in like, every shot.  Victoria and I spent a good 30 minutes last week clicking through the pictures and laughing our asses off.  It ain't a pretty sight people.

Case in point.

But she seemed happy to be out there.  Dragana, not so much.

Dork.

Not dork.

More Ana and Heinz happiness.

And then I had to ruin it all by getting awkwardly close.  How close you ask?

 

Awk-ward.

Sigh. The things I do for Curtis. I could literally hear him spooging in my ear.

Wait, that came out wrong. Wait, so did that.

An Imaginary Phone Conversation With Mario Ancic

"Oh, hey Ana.  Uh, I don't know if you remember.  You used to be best friends with my sister Sania?  Oh, duh.  Sorry.  Uh, this is Mario Ancic.  A-N-C-I-C.  Um, yeah, so yeah you used be friends with Sania when she was on tour.  I don't know if you've spoken with her lately."

"Um, anyway, I just wanted to let you know I was in Indian Wells.  I've kind of been out of it for the last 18 months so I don't really know what's going on around the tour but I saw your pictures all over the stadium so I thought I'd just give you a call and say hello.  Um, I don't know what you've heard but uh, yeah, that mono thing is *sooooo* over.  Like, totally gone.  Not an issue.  It's like, an opposite of an issue.  Like, CANCEL THAT SUBSCRIPTION BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THOSE ISSUES!  Hahaha.  Uh, yeah.  So I was just calling to say hi.  Um, if you're not doing anything this evening I'd love to grab dinner and catch up.  Maybe head to Cheesecake Factory or something.  It's on me.  I don't know how you're doing these days but I won my match today so I'm feelling *pretty* good.  Oh, and I'm a lawyer now.  Uh, yeah, so you know, if you want.  Or not.  Just checking in.  No big deal.  Just being breezy.  So yeah, hope to see you around." 

"Oh, yeah, this is Mario Ancic.  M-A-R-I-O A-N-C-I-C.  My number is...oh wait.  Haha.  I called you so obviously you'll have my number.  Unless it's blocked.  Or this isn't your cell phone.  I hope it's your cell phone.  Um, yeah, anyway.  Mario Ancic."

Oh, Do You Need Me To Hold That For You?

Pico was a particular revelation this year.  Sure, his tennis was awesome.  He made a great run to the quarterfinals after a gutsy win over JCF on a blistering Monday afternoon.  But thanks to Brodie's confession of undying hard-on for the guy I figured I should actually pay attention this year. 

And boy was I glad I did.  Not only is the guy super hot, particularly in person, sweaty, and shirtless, but he's an absolute joy to watch. 

Much like Nole, the guy has fun. 

He loves his team of guys and they played soccer on the field all the time, hooting and hollering and otherwise having a blast. 

On the practice court he was all business, but you could sense his joie de vivre, which, let's face it, a lot (and I mean a LOT) of players don't have.  Some players really do seem "workmanlike" in the way they go about their business. 

Pico seems to know that he gets to play his favorite sport with his friends and get paid for it.  I love that.

 

Yeah, ok, Brodie.  You win.  I would.

Also, he is bendy.  Use that information for what you will.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

An Apple A Day Does Not Keep Tranny Away

We saw Flavia practice the day after she lost that weird three-setter with Peer and boy, was Gaby making her work.

They were debating tactics throughout practice and it was pretty clear that Flavi totally disagreed with Gaby's take on the match and what went wrong.  It was pretty much exactly what you'd think a Flavi being pissed in Italian scene would look like.

Obligatory pictures of the tramp stamp none of us knew she had.

I guess that's a look, girl.

Later that day, eating the shit out of an apple.

Hey, where'd you come from?

Tennis Nerds

When you're at a tennis tournament, how do you separate the casual tennis fans, from hardcore tennis fans, from full-on tennis nerds?  Tennis nerds geek out when they see umpires.

 

Mo is *such* a ham.  Anytime we saw him we yelled out and he always looked over, smiled and gave a thumbs up.  Of course one of those times I realized that my boob was totally popping out of my shirt.  But I'll take a the thumbs up as a sign of encouragement anyway.

 

I *just* missed getting a shot of Eva walking the grounds with an ice cream cone.  That would have been a coup.  Oh well.  She was still awesome, strolling around in her badass aviators.

 

Lynn, not surprisingly, was all business, all the time.

Is it just me or could she pass for Sveta's badass older sister?

 

Look at these GQ muthafuckers right here.

 

But it all begins and ends with MoLay, who is looking svelte, tan, and sexy.  

And yes, he totally responds to "MOLAY!!!"  

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All)

How Much Is That Doggy In The Window, ARF ARF!

During Nole's only on-site practice session of the week (at least while I was there), he and Viktor ended their practice session with a tie-breaker.  I am sad to report that their initial negotiation involved the loser pulling down his shorts, which Todd quickly put the kibash on.  Fuck you, Todd, you clam-jammer.

But that wouldn't stop the Serbs from having some fun.  After Nole won the breaker on some pretty questionable line calling, Viktor had to pay up.  He stalled for a good five-minutes, trying to find some way out of it.  But in the end the top Serb won out and Viktor had to endure his humiliation...

Pic This: Man. I Would Have Loved To Have Seen This At IW

SXSW 1, IW 0.

Jo Bet Jo Mamma I Would...

 

Sigh.  I love him.  Like...LOVE HIM.  You truly cannot appreciate how massive Jo is until you see him in person.  Barrel chested, I tell ya.

 

Dude is just meat.  Meat with an amazing smile.

 

 

 

Feli practiced shirtless throughout the tournament, but not even he dared go shirtless when Jo was on the court.

 

 

Rowr.      

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All)

It's Like Seeing a Purple Zebra

Dani Hantuchova smiling on a tennis court?  Wha?

Oh, Darren.

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.

Katie: "It's because she saw me."

I WANT TO BITE IT.

Confession: I saw a lot of shirtless boys practice at IW.  And for the most part, while it was fun, I wasn't exactly fawning over anyone.  It was hotness but I wasn't exactly riveted.  And then Nole took the practice courts for a shirtless practice session. 

I was tuning in just to watch him practice but I found myself completely riveted by his ass.  I just could not stop staring and fawning like a 15 year old girl in heat. 

I never make any requests or editorial suggestions to Steph but on this one I had to grab her and demand she take pics of Nole's ass.

Thanks, Steph.  A million times thanks.

More hotness after the jump.

Sexy Dubs

Some video from some of some sexy doubles teams. I highly recommend hitting up the doubles matches at any tournament. Not only is it more bang for your buck (ahem) but they're usually on the smaller side courts where you can easily find a seat courtside.

Jo and Julien:

Fernando and Feli:

We Really Weren't Stalking You, Evgeny. Promise.

Evgeny saw a lot of us this week.  And by "us" I pretty much mean Tracey and DonkeyGrooming.  We saw him at the hotel, we saw him on the practice courts, we cheered loudly at his matches, and then Tracey and DonkeyGrooming saw him and talked to him and his team repeatedly over the weekend.  To the point that he and his team recognized them around the grounds and kept coming up to talk to them.  Well done, ladies.

If you get the chance you absolutely have to watch Evgeny at practice.  He absolutely *crushes* his forehand and it really is a sight to see.  It reminds me of watching Gonzo or Delpo crush their forehands.  There is no in-between.  It's a complete smackdown on the ball and it makes an amazing sound.  I would post video of it but you can literally hear me and my viewing companion orgasmically sighing or moaning after every stroke.  I had to go sit down afterwards.

Did I mention that he likes to practice shirtless?  Yeah, that's a plus.  It helps with the orgasms.

Like...a lot. 

IW: Thursday OOP

Well I've left Indian Wells but I'm still unemploying in San Diego and Orange County through Monday.  But blogging should return to its regular schedule, especially now that I have a reliably fast internet connection (thanks, Victoria!).  I'll be filling you in on my Indian Wells adventures over the next few days.

So here's the Thursday OOP.  And can I just once again say "I told you so"?  I knew it'd be a clusterfuck by Wednesday.

I will simply leave you with this: GO KLEYBS, PICO, RAFA and SAM!!!!

STADIUM 1 start 12:00 noon
[23] A Kleybanova (RUS) vs [6] J Jankovic (SRB) - WTA
Not Before 2:00 PM
[21] J Monaco (ARG) vs [20] I Ljubicic (CRO) - ATP
Not Before 4:00 PM
[28] M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) vs [8] S Stosur (AUS) - WTA
Not Before 7:30 PM
[19] T Berdych (CZE) vs [3] R Nadal (ESP) - ATP
[1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) vs [5] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) - ATP-TBA

STADIUM 2 not before 3:00 PM
Y Chan (TPE) / J Zheng (CHN) vs K Peschke (CZE) / K Srebotnik (SLO) - WTA-TBA
[3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) vs [6] B Mattek-Sands (USA) / Z Yan (CHN) - WTA-TBA

Sneks In Fine Form

If I wasn't so lazy I would post a series of pics entitled "The Evolution of Sneki", sequencing pics of Sneki through the years at IW.  All I know is that two years ago when we first saw her she looked like a soccer mom.  But apparently someone is feeling the pressure from someone I'll just call Ragana-Day and got all glam and shit.  But the woman needs to learn from the Big D: Wear platform sandals, dear.  That way you can walk across the lawn without aerating it and looking like a soldier as you pull you stilletos out of the grass.  All that said, Sneks was looking healthy and happy. 

JJ was also in fine form.  Here she is signing autographs for fans *while* someone is practicing.  Uh, get off the court, honey.  She did this despite later dissing fans at the actual practice field exit.  I spoke to a few people over the week who all said that JJ refused autographs to a bunch of little kids, despite the fact that she wasn't exactly getting hounded.  I don't know what goes on in her head sometimes.

That's not to say fans left empty handed.  See that stack of cards Sneki's holding?

 

That's right.  Pre-signed JJ for Mona cards.  Really.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All and C Note)

Does Starbucks Sell Gatorade?

Pavs obviously wasn't able to defend her semifinal points thanks to particular piece of awesome known only as THE HAMMER OF THOR.  But she was around the grounds quite a bit and seemed to be having a damn good time.

 

We were the only two people watching this particular practice session.  It was kind of awkward.  She kept looking over with a "Why are those two watching me?" look. 

 

I hope she didn't recognize me at the Sam match the next day.

In a bit of non-intentional hilarity, Vika would take the practice court across from Pavs.  Once Pavs finished up, we abruptly left, leaving no one watching Vika. 

All of this awesomeness brought to you by Starbucks.  I may have scream-whispered "Is she drinking STARBUCKS???" a little loudly.  But Pavs was just as generous and sweet as she was last year.  Steph actually spoke to her in Russian for a bit and her face just lit up.  Sweet kid.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All)

Pic This: Lady Porn

Sigh.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All)

Ohhh...*That's* TW.

Pics of Ana at her Tennis Warehouse autograph signing.  

 I didn't intend to get anything signed.  I have her autograph, like, everywhere.  But they were only allowing one item per person so some lady asked me to get a picture signed for her.  

 So I did.  And I am proud to report that this time I actually articulated words in sentence structure and she responded in kind.  

 She was really nice.  And pretty.  As a friend noted, "She's a Flipper 180.  She'll turn anyone."

 True.  So true.

 

I Just Love His Voice

Creepy. I know, you guys. I KNOW.

Ham and Cheese

 

Nole hasn't been around the grounds much since we've been here.  I assume he's practicing off-site, which pretty much sucks all around.  I hope he remembers that the last time he practiced on-site, he won the tournament.  So...why fuck around? 

 

 But he did show up after his heart-stopping match with PEHK to do some promo work with Tennis Channel and Emirates Airlines.  And thanks to Twitter, I knew about it and Steph ran over to grab some pictures.

 

"Don't tell anybody, ok?"

 

 

Such a cheeseball.

 

Welcome to the Mile High Club!

 

Her eyes are up here, Nole.

 

 

Gangsta.

(Pics for Forty Deuce by Love All)  

     

IW: Blink and You'll Miss Him -- Gilles Simon

Oh, Gilles.  We hardly knew ya.

Crotch Shot!

Giggles.

Team Murray: Way Hotter Than Actual Murray

 

Ross.

 

Miles.

 

Salt and Pepper Alex.    

It's been a pleasure, gentlemen.  A pleasure.

Wub. Sweet Wub.

Masha playing some "doubles" with Sasha. 

I must say, the dude is good for her attitude because she was in *such* a good mood. 

 She signed autographs that day and since I had her AO2010 dress I decided to get her to sign it. Here's the exchange:

Masha: Wow.

Me: Yeah.

Masha: The dress.  That's awesome.  Thanks for buying it.

Me: No problem.  It's a nice dress.

Masha: I'm surprised anyone even remembers that I wore it.

 She was joking and laughing during the whole autograph session.  No sign of "Icy Bitch" Masha that we all know and love.  

 Then again, a happy Masha is a losing Masha, apparently.  So...pick your poison, people.

(Pics by Love All and C Note)

Viktor Loses His Shit

Janko and Viktor were so fun to watch in doubles. But a number of bad calls led Viktor to lose his shit. But my favorite part of this video is my friend's "Come on! Let it go! Win!" If I had a nickel for every time I've wanted to yell that at a match...

That said, he also kept it classy:

Ovary Overload

Feli Plays With Himself

This reminds of this one time when I came out to the parking lot to go to the park with my then-boyfriend and saw him throwing a football to himself for a good 15 minutes. Apparently, according to my cousin who I catch doing the same thing, this is something only-children do. Not sure what Feli's excuse is, though.

Thx 4 the Mmories

 

 Oh, Janko.  You are like a cup of hot cocoa on Christmas morning.  Last year you gave me RacquetGate.  This year, you gave me your random rollaway racquet bag.  I don't know why you insist on having a rollaway.  It's not like you're decrepit.  But thanks for having one.  It made me laugh a lot while I was standing so close to you it got awkward:

 

 

 

Girl, Why You Bringing Up Fed Cup?

*facepalm*

The World Is Conspiring Against Me.

(Pics by C Note and Love All -- please don't steal them without credit)

Between the internet connection being slow, the photo and video files being big, Spring Forward, and my general exhaustion, this is all I can do right now.  But here's a taste. 

For more updates, follow me on Twitter.      

Pic This: Players Party Too.

Um...A-Rod and I share the same clothes and shoes.  This is...awkward.

Oh, are we wearing tapered pants now?  Guess I should read my stacks of InStyle.

 

I love how Kim always look like she just took a major bong rip.  She's so boho.

My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.  He's an idiot.

Sisters!

Uh...Dani wins.

Who invited Keith Urban?

Hellooooooooooooooo Nurse!

He put his law career on hold, filled out a bit, and cut his hair.

 

Marry me!

"Clay or Grass. She'll Flay Your Ass."

I endured a 10 hour car ride and landed in Indian Wells.  Steph and I get excited for Friday's action and Steph professes her lifelong love of Steffi Graf.

And I profess my love for Quasi.

FD Podcast: California On My Mind

IW: Friday OOP

This time, instead of highlighting matches that I think are interesting or important, I'm highlighting shit I actually want to see, which of course means a lot of these are "hottie" highlights.

Well except for that Justine match.  Uh, that might actually be a good match.  Too bad I won't be watching.

Not sure how I'm going to squeeze this all in with the practice court stalking and Ana autographing.  But we'll see....

STADIUM 1 start 11:00 am
V King (USA) vs [2] C Wozniacki (DEN) - WTA
J Blake (USA) vs D Gimeno-Traver (ESP) - ATP
[WC] J Henin (BEL) vs [31] G Dulko (ARG) - WTA
G Monfils (FRA) / G Simon (FRA) vs D Ferrer (ESP) / A Montanes (ESP) - ATP - Possible Court Change

Not Before 7:30 PM
HIT FOR HAITI
J HENIN / M NAVRATILOVA vs L DAVENPORT / S GRAF
R FEDERER / P SAMPRAS vs A AGASSI / R NADAL
Not Before 9:00 PM
J Isner (USA) / S Querrey (USA) vs M Cilic (CRO) / I Ljubicic (CRO) - ATP

STADIUM 2 start 11:00 am
D Sela (ISR) vs [WC] J Levine (USA) - ATP
O Govortsova (BLR) vs [4] E Dementieva (RUS) - WTA
[Q] S Koubek (AUT) vs [WC] D Nalbandian (ARG) - ATP
V Dushevina (RUS) vs [10] M Sharapova (RUS) - WTA
[WC] R Ginepri (USA) vs A Seppi (ITA) - ATP
N Grandin (RSA) / A Spears (USA) vs [8] E Makarova (RUS) / S Peng (CHN) - WTA

STADIUM 3 start 11:00 am
[5] A Radwanska (POL) vs A Chakvetadze (RUS) - WTA
R Gasquet (FRA) vs S Greul (GER) - ATP
[16] N Petrova (RUS) vs P Schnyder (SUI) - WTA
S Stakhovsky (UKR) vs W Odesnik (USA) - ATP
P Hercog (SLO) vs [11] M Bartoli (FRA) - WTA
P Lorenzi (ITA) vs M Russell (USA) - ATP

COURT 4 start 11:00 am
[22] S Lisicki (GER) vs J Craybas (USA) - WTA
N Almagro (ESP) vs M Zverev (GER) - ATP
[7] N Li (CHN) vs [Q] E Baltacha (GBR) - WTA
Not Before 5:00 PM
P Mathieu (FRA) vs B Becker (GER) - ATP
V Hanescu (ROU) vs J Chela (ARG) - ATP

COURT 5 start 11:00 am
[WC] A Molik (AUS) vs [29] A Medina Garrigues (ESP) - WTA
[15] F Schiavone (ITA) vs K Date Krumm (JPN) - WTA
[32] M Kirilenko (RUS) vs V Razzano (FRA) - WTA
[LL] T Tanasugarn (THA) vs [19] A Rezai (FRA) - WTA
A Amanmuradova (UZB) / D Kustova (BLR) vs O Govortsova (BLR) / T Poutchek (BLR) - WTA

COURT 6 start 11:00 am
[Q] Y Lu (TPE) vs O Hernandez (ESP) - ATP
M Llodra (FRA) vs [Q] M Matosevic (AUS) - ATP
[8] C Kas (GER) / D Norman (BEL) vs J Tipsarevic (SRB) / V Troicki (SRB) - ATP
[Q] R Mello (BRA) vs H Zeballos (ARG) - ATP
F Mayer (GER) vs E Korolev (KAZ) - ATP
A Clement (FRA) vs P Luczak (AUS) - ATP

COURT 7 start 11:00 am
K Jans (POL) / A Rosolska (POL) vs I Benesova (CZE) / B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) - WTA
J Benneteau (FRA) / J Tsonga (FRA) vs R Lindstedt (SWE) / R Soderling (SWE) - ATP
T de Bakker (NED) vs M Daniel (BRA) - ATP
T Bellucci (BRA) / P Cuevas (URU) vs M Melo (BRA) / B Soares (BRA) - ATP

COURT 8 start 11:00 am
[18] J Zheng (CHN) vs S Cirstea (ROU) - WTA
[30] A Wozniak (CAN) vs K Flipkens (BEL) - WTA
S Peng (CHN) vs [20] A Bondarenko (UKR) - WTA

"You Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Put It All Together..."

Ernie, Jeremy, and Mario (!) all win. 

But then Mels, Lucie, Cones, and Burrito lose.  I mean, those last two I don't really care about except that I wanted to witness their particular brands of crazy in person.  Nice win for Bethany though.  I give all credit to her bringing the fashion back.

Oh, and Ryan Harrison beat Taylor Dent.  He's 17 years old.  Can we put move the pressure from Mels over to him now?  Thanks.

Men's Singles - First Round
E Gulbis (LAT) d M Chiudinelli (SUI) 36 63 63
P Cuevas (URU) d F Gil (POR) 64 75
F Serra (FRA) d A Falla (COL) 61 62
[Q] R Delgado (PAR) d A Beck (GER) 67(2) 62 64
[Q] K Anderson (RSA) d [Q] B Phau (GER) 63 63
J Chardy (FRA) d P Starace (ITA) 61 41 Retired
M Ancic (CRO) d [Q] B Reynolds (USA) 46 63 64
[Q] R Schuettler (GER) d [Q] T Alves (BRA) 75 60
G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d L Lacko (SVK) 46 64 75
[WC] C Moya (ESP) d [Q] T Smyczek (USA) 76(7) 76(5)
F Fognini (ITA) d O Rochus (BEL) 64 16 75
D Koellerer (AUT) d R Ram (USA) 61 63
[Q] B Dabul (ARG) d L Mayer (ARG) 76(4) 62
[WC] R Harrison (USA) d T Dent (USA) 63 64
P Petzschner (GER) d C Rochus (BEL) 62 75
M Fish (USA) d M Berrer (GER) 16 61 63

Women's Singles - First Round
C Suarez Navarro (ESP) d A Cornet (FRA) 64 16 62
[Q] Y Chan (TPE) d S Voegele (SUI) 60 75
[Q] T Pironkova (BUL) d [Q] A Amanmuradova (UZB) 63 62
B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) d A Petkovic (GER) 63 63
P Kvitova (CZE) d A Brianti (ITA) 63 64
[WC] B Mattek-Sands (USA) d Y Shvedova (KAZ) 75 75
S Errani (ITA) d [Q] V Kutuzova (UKR) 75 62
[Q] P Martic (CRO) d [WC] A Tomljanovic (CRO) 76(4) 61
S Bammer (AUT) d K Srebotnik (SLO) 36 75 61
A Dulgheru (ROU) d [Q] M Larcher de Brito (POR) 62 62
R Vinci (ITA) d M Oudin (USA) 36 63 60
J Goerges (GER) d L Safarova (CZE) 75 36 63
[Q] S Stephens (USA) d L Hradecka (CZE) 76(5) 76(7)
A Sevastova (LAT) d [Q] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) 62 36 61
[Q] K Sprem (CRO) d [Q] S Perry (USA) 62 46 63
J Coin (FRA) d [WC] T Paszek (AUT) 64 63

Women's Doubles - First Round
[2] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) / M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) d L Dekmeijere (LAT) / P Schnyder (SUI) 62 64
[3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) d J Coin (FRA) / M Pelletier (CAN) 64 62
M Kirilenko (RUS) / A Radwanska (POL) d [4] L Raymond (USA) / R Stubbs (AUS) 64 46 10-3
S Borwell (GBR) / R Kops-Jones (USA) d A Medina Garrigues (ESP) / C Wozniacki (DEN) 76(4) 46 10-2
V Dushevina (RUS) / A Rodionova (AUS) d V Ruano Pascual (ESP) / M Shaughnessy (USA) 75 36 10-4
[WC] T Garbin (ITA) / J Jankovic (SRB) d [WC] L Safarova (CZE) / V Zvonareva (RUS) 76(4) 63
G Dulko (ARG) / F Pennetta (ITA) d V Uhlirova (CZE) / R Voracova (CZE) 16 64 10-5

Pic This: Things That Are Happening While I'm Not There. This Is Unacceptable.

Reunited and it feels so good.

Pajama party!

Vania King: Human Emoticon.

Lord, JJ.  Lay off the pancake.

Ah.  The face of confidence.

Go To Tennis is already onsite and they have some great pictures up.  Check them out here, here, here, and here.  Hey Vika, if you want to redeem yourself feel free to garrote Fed with your grip tape.  I won't stop you.  And I'm so happy to see Nole has decided to practice on the grounds this year. 

IW: Thursday OOP

Main draw play is in full swing as the boys kick off their first rounders.

Please don't lose, Jeremy.  I gots to see yas.

STADIUM 1 start 11:00 am
[Q] K Sprem (CRO) vs [Q] S Perry (USA) - WTA
[WC] C Moya (ESP) vs [Q] T Smyczek (USA) - ATP
R Vinci (ITA) vs M Oudin (USA) - WTA
M Berrer (GER) vs M Fish (USA) - ATP
Not Before 7:00 PM
T Dent (USA) vs [WC] R Harrison (USA) - ATP
Y Shvedova (KAZ) vs [WC] B Mattek-Sands (USA) - WTA

STADIUM 2 start 11:00 am
P Starace (ITA) vs J Chardy (FRA) - ATP
L Hradecka (CZE) vs [Q] S Stephens (USA) - WTA
[Q] B Reynolds (USA) vs M Ancic (CRO) - ATP
[WC] L Safarova (CZE) / V Zvonareva (RUS) vs [WC] T Garbin (ITA) / J Jankovic (SRB) - WTA
A Cornet (FRA) vs C Suarez Navarro (ESP) - WTA
M Chiudinelli (SUI) vs E Gulbis (LAT) - ATP

STADIUM 3 start 11:00 am
L Safarova (CZE) vs J Goerges (GER) - WTA
P Cuevas (URU) vs F Gil (POR) - ATP
S Borwell (GBR) / R Kops-Jones (USA) vs A Medina Garrigues (ESP) / C Wozniacki (DEN) - WTA
R Ram (USA) vs D Koellerer (AUT) - ATP
K Srebotnik (SLO) vs S Bammer (AUT) - WTA


COURT 4 start 11:00 am
O Rochus (BEL) vs F Fognini (ITA) - ATP
[4] L Raymond (USA) / R Stubbs (AUS) vs M Kirilenko (RUS) / A Radwanska (POL) - WTA
L Mayer (ARG) vs [Q] B Dabul (ARG) - ATP
L Dekmeijere (LAT) / P Schnyder (SUI) vs [2] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) / M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) - WTA
A Brianti (ITA) vs P Kvitova (CZE) - WTA

COURT 5 start 11:00 am
J Coin (FRA) vs [WC] T Paszek (AUT) - WTA
G Dulko (ARG) / F Pennetta (ITA) vs V Uhlirova (CZE) / R Voracova (CZE) - WTA
C Rochus (BEL) vs P Petzschner (GER) - ATP
J Coin (FRA) / M Pelletier (CAN) vs [3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) - WTA
[Q] Y Chan (TPE) vs S Voegele (SUI) - WTA

COURT 6 start 11:00 am
A Falla (COL) vs F Serra (FRA) - ATP
A Dulgheru (ROU) vs [Q] M Larcher de Brito (POR) - WTA
[Q] R Delgado (PAR) vs A Beck (GER) - ATP
[Q] P Martic (CRO) vs [WC] A Tomljanovic (CRO) - WTA
[Q] T Alves (BRA) vs [Q] R Schuettler (GER) - ATP

COURT 7 start 11:00 am
G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) vs L Lacko (SVK) - ATP
[Q] T Pironkova (BUL) vs [Q] A Amanmuradova (UZB) - WTA
[Q] B Phau (GER) vs [Q] K Anderson (RSA) - ATP
V Dushevina (RUS) / A Rodionova (AUS) vs V Ruano Pascual (ESP) / M Shaughnessy (USA) - WTA

COURT 8 start 11:00 am
A Sevastova (LAT) vs [Q] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) - WTA
B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) vs A Petkovic (GER) - WTA
[Q] V Kutuzova (UKR) vs S Errani (ITA) - WTA

Well If Dinara's Not Going To Wear It...

No major upsets in the first round for the ladies.  That doesn't mean that I'm not upset.  Come on, Anne!  Please at least stick around IW to practice.  I need to see you and Katie in the same place.  I'm not convinced you're two different people.

Nice win for Sorana, btw.  You never know with that one. 

Women’s Singles – First Round
P Schnyder (SUI) d T Garbin (ITA) 61 62
V Dushevina (RUS) d J Dokic (AUS) 60 63
[WC] J Henin (BEL) d M Rybarikova (SVK) 62 62
[Q] E Baltacha (GBR) d [WC] A Glatch (USA) 63 67(3) 64
V King (USA) d [WC] C Mchale (USA) 75 63
A Chakvetadze (RUS) d A Keothavong (GBR) 26 63 61
[WC] A Molik (AUS) d T Malek (GER) 61 63
J Craybas (USA) d [WC] E Daniilidou (GRE) 60 75
K Date Krumm (JPN) d M Czink (HUN) 62 62
P Hercog (SLO) d I Olaru (ROU) 75 64
S Cirstea (ROU) d K Kanepi (EST) 67(1) 63 64
[LL] T Tanasugarn (THA) d [Q] E Gallovits (ROU) 62 63
O Govortsova (BLR) d I Benesova (CZE) 60 46 76(8)
S Peng (CHN) d E Makarova (RUS) 61 26 64
V Razzano (FRA) d K Barrois (GER) 63 64
K Flipkens (BEL) d T Bacsinszky (SUI) 76(4) 67(5) 61

Women’s Doubles – First Round
[1] C Black (ZIM) / L Huber (USA) d S Errani (ITA) / S Peer (ISR) 36 62 11-9
[5] A Kleybanova (RUS) / F Schiavone (ITA) d [WC] M Oudin (USA) / S Perry (USA) 64 75
[6] B Mattek-Sands (USA) / Z Yan (CHN) d M Krajicek (NED) / M Niculescu (ROU) 76(2) 62
A Hlavackova (CZE) / L Hradecka (CZE) d M Koryttseva (UKR) / Y Shvedova (KAZ) 63 76(5)
K Peschke (CZE) / K Srebotnik (SLO) d A Bondarenko (UKR) / G Voskoboeva (KAZ) 64 61
Y Chan (TPE) / J Zheng (CHN) d [7] C Chuang (TPE) / S Hsieh (TPE) 63 63

Men’s Qualifying – Second Round
B Reynolds (USA) d L Cook (USA) 64 75
R Schuettler (GER) d G Lapentti (ECU) 46 61 64
K Anderson (RSA) d R Sweeting (USA) 63 76(7)
B Dabul (ARG) d K Kim (USA) 61 64
Y Lu (TPE) d J Witten (USA) 62 61
R Mello (BRA) d N Lindahl (AUS) 62 46 64
B Phau (GER) d D Kindlmann (GER) 61 75
T Smyczek (USA) d [WC] F Krajinovic (SRB) 61 60
R Delgado (PAR) d D Brands (GER) 63 64
T Alves (BRA) d V Millot (FRA) 61 36 62
M Matosevic (AUS) d D Young (USA) 64 46 76(8)
S Koubek (AUT) d S Devvarman (IND) 63 61

Pic This: High Tech Media

IW: Wednesday OOP

The ATP is still finishing its qualifying rounds but for the ladies, the first round starts tomorrow.  The Herp is slated to go on Stadium court.  If you believe the journos, she's the kinda overwhelming favorite.  But this is the WTA.  Does that *really* mean anything?

LET THE CLUSTERFUCKING BEGIN!

Stadium 1 (from 11.00hrs)

1. Patty Schnyder vs. Tathiana Garbin
2. Jelena Dokic vs. Vera Dushevina
3. Magdalena Rybarikova vs. Justine Henin
4. Kleybanova/Schiavone vs. Oudin/Perry
5. Alexa Glatch vs. Elena Baltacha

Stadium 2 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Reynolds vs. Cook
2. ATP: Schuettler vs. Lapentti
3. Vania King vs. Christina McHale
4. Black/Huber vs. Errani/Peer
5. Anna Chakvetadze vs. Anne Keothavong

Stadium 3 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Anderson vs. Sweeting
2. Alicia Molik vs. Tatjana Malek
3. Jill Craybas vs. Eleni Daniilidou
4. Melinda Czink vs. Kimiko Date Krumm
5. Ioana Raluca Olaru vs. Polona Hercog

Court 4 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Kim vs. Dabul
2. Sorana Cirstea vs. Kaia Kanepi
3. Mattek-Sands/Yan vs. Krajicek/Niculescu
4. Chan/Zheng vs. Chuang/Hsieh
5. Tamarine Tanasugarn vs. Edina Gallovits

Court 5 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Lu vs. Witten
2. Olga Govortsova vs. Iveta Benesova
3. Hlavackova/Hradecka vs. Koryttseva/Shvedova
4. A.Bondarenko/Voskoboeva vs. Peschke/Srebotnik

Court 6 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Mello vs. Lindahl
2. Peng Shuai vs. Ekaterina Makarova
3. Virginie Razzano vs. Kristina Barrois
4. Timea Bacsinszky vs. Kirsten Flipkens

Court 7 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Phau vs. Kindlmann
2. ATP: Smyczek vs. Krajinovic (NB 12.30hrs)
3. ATP: Brands vs. Delgado

Court 8 (from 11.00hrs)
1. ATP: Millot vs. Alves
2. ATP: Matosevic vs. Young (NB 13.00hrs)
3. ATP: Devvarman vs. Koubek

Amuse Bouche

Well the players are in Indian Wells and they're having a grand old time.

• Rafa
• JJ
• MaKiri and Marta -- What's up with the yellow strings?  That's new.
• Mel -- Any guesses on the leopard in the background?  Body language and cap tells me Jo.

Oh, and Marcus Tennis is back, you guys.  Time will tell whether he studied his flags this year.

Let Me Get Out My Sketchbook.

(Pic by Love All)

In case you've been hiding under a rock (which, if you're human probably means being crushed by a rock) the sausage and vagina draws for Indian Wells are out.  The men's doubles draw isn't out yet but apparently these two tasty pieces will be playing together.  Good luck getting a seat for that one, ladies.

I haven't had a chance to fully digest it yet.  Will probably do so from the car.  So feel free to frazzle and mock in the comments.

I do see that Muzz is in Fed's half and Rafa is in Nole's half.  And thankfully there will be no A-Rod/Nole matchup unless they're in the finals.  I seriously hate when those two play on US soil.

As for the ladies, on first glance, this looks like a clusterfuck.  Bummed to be missing out on the AKO/Chak first rounder and will probably miss the possible Dani/Mel and Pova/Snot second rounders.  Justine's got Rybarikova in the first round and because life is awesome, we could a rematch of last year's final in the quarters.  Yay?

Things I Bought For Indian Wells

1. A smoke grey Casio Baby G watch.  Because I am 16 years old.  And because I'm actually 32 years old and haven't owned a watch in years.  I will try and use it to blind Vika during her day matches.
2. 2 tanktops.  The San Franciscan in me is always very paranoid about being too cold.  Thus I have a preternatural aversion to shorts.  Tanktops satisfy my temperature regulation issues and allow me to wear jeans every day. #moreinformationthanyouneedtoknow
3. Kiehls' Amino Acid shampoo (smells like coconut!) and Grooming Aid 133.  Not really for Indian Wells, I guess.  I'm one of those cheapos who tends to use the hotel stuff (though the La Quinta Resort has *amazing* products so I'm excited about hoarding those).  But Love All left her Kiehls conditioner at my house and I may have used it all because I was too lazy to restock on my own conditioner.  So since I was at Kiehls buying her a new bottle I figured I should probably buy my own.  The shampoo was actually more of a gift to myself.  I don't actually use Kiehls shampoo.  I use Aveda Shampure.  But it's always nice to mix it up.  Aren't you glad you read this entire paragraph?
4. A dumb hipster hat.  Because I am a dumb hipster.*  Also because I cut my hair and look like a shaggy haired boy if I wear a baseball cap or a visor.
5. "Hello, My Name Is" name tags.
6. A copy of "The Kindly Ones" by Jonathan Littell.  Nothing goes with elite level tennis like a controversial 1,000 page book about Nazis that has been translated from French.
7. A red Mophie Juice Pack so that I can tweet and post with abandon from my iPhone.  And because I can't be a normal person and just get the black one.
8. The new Broken Bells album.  I can't listen to Sleater-Kinney the whole time, right?  (Wrong.)
9. Four Scrimshaw Pilsners.  Again, not for Indian Wells but I took a break from shopping to meet up with friends.  Again, information you could care less about but I wanted to round this out to 10 things.
10. A Belkin TuneTalk.  I'm going to try and do some recording on site and upload them when I get back at the hotel.

All this is to say, NPR's SXSW coverage will pale in comparison to what Forty Deuce could potentially bring you over the next week from the dry desert of Indian Wells.  I say "potentially" because it is entirely possible that I could just get really drunk and forget I even have a blog.  I mean, we're talking about someone who comes home drunk, almost falls over while getting into her PJs, writes a blog post, and then falls asleep without posting it.  So that is my caveat, people.  If I check into the site and people are bitching and moaning about what's not being covered, let it be known that it's probably because I'm actually sitting and watching a match (where it would be rude to be pecking on an iPhone) or I'm passed out in the grass under a tree as Love All draws a dick on my leg.

So six in one, half-dozen in the other.  Either way, I'm going to have a fuckin' good time.

*I'm not actually a hipster.  I'm not cool enough to pull that off.  Please don't act surprised when you see me and realize that I'm just a normal human being with hipster tendencies.

Ok, I'm Actually Feeling Magnanimous. Let Me Hear It.

Hey, remember when the BEP didn't suck? 

So I told you guys ad nauseum what I'm looking forward to at Indian Wells.  So here's your chance.  What are you looking forward to?  And what do you want to see covered during our time down there?  Any suggestions for hijinks or cheers?  I'll do my best to get it done.

Personally, I'm thinking a game of Edward Forty-Hands with Tracey may be in order.

What?  We have to stay hydrated!

Totally Random Contest Because I Feel Like It

So I've sitting here thinking of easy ways to make sure people who want to can identify me at IW.  For some reason I don't think drunk Asian hipster with blue hair, glasses, and a red backpack is enough. 

I've come up with the idea of wearing "Hello, My Name Is" nametags each day.

So here's my open call:  I'm going to wear a different one each day.  Give me your suggestions in the comments.  There are no rules, but just remember that this is a family event in a community with lots of old people.  In other words, you're probably going to have a pull a Tina Fey and make it funny but clean on it's face.  Innuendo is ok but you have to be creative.  I don't want to get thrown out, assholes. 

Winner gets the sweat soaked nametag with their winning submission.  If you want it.  You shouldn't.  I smell.

Marat Is Alive And Well, Y'all.

Like...*really* well.

Marat participated in a tennis exo in Moscow a few weeks ago. 

I think you recognize these guys.

I've never wanted to be an iPhone so much in my life.

Lots more awesome pics over at Lexi's blog, 200 Proof, your #1 source for all things Russian.