Indian Wells. It's like a smash and grab wherein I rush in, take as much as I can as quickly as possible (sometimes discreetly, sometimes not so discreetly) and jump into a getaway car before they know what hit them.
Or, you know, it's just me going to a tennis tournament and having a good time. Some people don't think in analogies and metaphors.
Just like last year, I'll be enduring the somewhat hellacious nine hour drive down to Indian Wells. If it's hellacious for me I can't imagine what it must be like for my designated driver, Love All, who not only has to do the actual driving but also listen to my insane rants about anything and everything, listen to the music I want to play because like an asshole, I demand to DJ, and endure my unfounded temper tantrums that invariably occur during the last two hours (pretty much me going back and forth between groaning loudly and punching the dashboard to getting into giggling fits as I sing Celine Dion at the top of my lungs -- That's me in a nutshell). What can I say? I have the patience of a 3 year-old.
We'll be leaving on Thursday and will be on-site from Friday through Tuesday. If you're planning to be there and would like to meet other FDers, just shoot me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) with the best way to contact you once we're down there (cell numbers are best for texting, but email and Twitter works too).
Things I'm looking forward to this year:
- ZOMG, Steffi Graf!
- Blowing out the speakers in Love All's car as I insist on playing all seven Sleater-Kinney albums in succession, pausing to explain why each individual song and lyric is amazing and how they fit into the context of the album. This will also necessarily require me to rant about the state of current music (including the importance of labels, effects of technology, and changes in the current structure of distribution channels), whine about how everything was better in the 80s and early 90s, and then, exhausted, take a nap. When I wake I will whine about how I sound like an old fart and then cry about it. We'll just be getting onto the freeway by the time I'm done. Luckily I have 8 CDs worth of live stuff to play too. Bring your ear plugs, Steph.
- Seeing if Ana has learned any new warm-up games. I hope Marcin's back! I wonder if Dragana's moved to decaf. Yeah, no, that was a stupid question.
- Meeting a bunch of tennis folks. I still have friends who post over at TennisWorld and there's a big TW meetup on Friday after Hit For Haiti at The Beer Hunter. I am a master beer hunter so I think I will fit in well there. Which reminds me that I need to pack my orange vest. In addition to the TW folks it sounds like we'll have quite the FD contingent. On my mark, unleash hell and do me proud, FDers.
- Drinking. Duh.
- Podcasting. I haven't felt like there was that much to talk about lately and I didn't want to force a podcast just to podcast. So I'll pack my gear and do some podcasting in the car on the way down and from the hotel. I also have a little surprise for you guys so stay tuned....
- DonkeyGrooming is coming! I am very excited about this. She went to her first ATP tournament a couple of weeks ago and she had a blast. I love being around people who are excited about tennis. It rubs off on me.
- Masha! I didn't get to see very much of her two years ago. My MashaDar is almost non-existent. Looking forward to watching more of her practices and matches this year.
- Nole and Janko. I saw ZERO shirtless Nole last year because he decided to practice off-site (LAME). This must be rectified here.
- Hanging out with Love All. She's one of my best friends but now that she's got a real job and I...don't, we don't get to see each other as often as we used to. Plus she splurged and used her connections to get us a sweet deal at the La Quinta Resort and Spa. I met Gwen Stefani there two years ago. NBD. Thanks, Steph!
- Roscoe's Chicken 'n Waffles in Pasadena. I always say that if I could only have one last meal it would be Roscoe's. I only ever get to eat it when I'm in LA so I always force Love All to stop there at least once.
- Hanging out with my personal FD crew: DG, Love All, Victoria, Katie, Tracey, and Gina. And I'm very much looking forward to adding more people into the fold. It really is fun as hell to run around the grounds together and cheer together (Ajde Ana!) and heckle together (Hey Vika! IS NOW A GOOD TIME???). Now that I've convinced Katie that I'm not a freaky internet blogger (at least not in a bad way) maybe she'll want to hang out with me. Hard to say.
- Watching the Frenchies practice. Because it is always awesome sauce.
- Midnight Del Taco runs. Again, a chain that I only ever eat when I'm in Southern California. And as I learned in college, Del Taco tastes better after midnight.
- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAFA. And Fed, I guess. Nah, not really.
- Finding new favorites. Two years ago it was Dina. Last year it was Pavs. Who will it be this year?
- The Muzzard. You can always find him. He is the blinding light in the already bright desert. That's a reference to his anti-tan, by the way. I'm not a sycophant.
- Seeing what trouble Tracey and I can get into this year. Last year we broke into a luxury box. The next time we saw each other we stole stuff. A couple of weeks ago we got Dinara sexually harassed. Has our luck run out?
- Trying to score an exclusive interview with this chick specifically to ask her if she's happy now that she broke up with the virgin and is getting railed by Fernando.
- Players' lawn hijinks. Will there be herculean feats of strength? Will there be awkward WTA/ATP flirting? Will there be odd eating habits? That's the thing. WE JUST DON'T KNOW. Expect the unexpected.
- Seeing the amazing pics that Love All takes throughout the tournament. She's a pro. A creepy pro, but a pro nonetheless.
- Meeting some tennis journos and fellow bloggers. I might actually get to meet a few this trip. That could be either fun or horribly embarrassing. I'm hoping for something in between.
- Shirtless guys. I mean, let's be honest.
All this is to say I'm really excited. Plus, Love All and I will be kicking off our vacation early when we go see Quasi at the Independent on Wednesday night. This week is going to be awesome.
I'll do my best to post via my iPhone but as always you can follow me on Twitter. If you're new to Forty Deuce this year feel free to go back into the archives starting here to read and hear all about the Forty Deuce nuttiness from IW 09.
But before we go, can well pour one out for the dildo one more time? I miss that guy.