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Dude, Sam. What are you doing losing to Tax Garbin in the first round of Dubai?
Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. [/katie]
And in somewhat similar news, Nads, who made a somewhat resurgent run in Melbourne, lost in straight sets to a wildcard.
Get it together, ladies.
Congrats to Demmy on her second title of the year. Momes was on hand to hand out the trophy. I'm really happy for Lena. Nice to see she's still on track after her loss in Melbourne.
Good on Lucie for her run to the finals.
She had to beat the Italian Fed Cup team to get to the finals.
One year after she was denied a Dubai visa, Shahar came in and won her first match, beating Wickmayer in three sets.
Good on you, Shahar.
Congrats to JCF for winning the title in Brasil, demolishing Kubot, 60 61.
It just happened to be JCF's 30th birthday. Guarana for all!
Finally.
To me, the title was a bonus. Fernando was finally able to show that he can beat a top 10 player. The last time that seemed to have happened was when he kicked off his career surge by beating Muzz at AO 09. In fact, he came into this match with a 15 match losing streak against Top 10ers. But there would be no TED this time. Dude came back from a set down to beat A-Rod in a tight three setter to claim his fourth career title, 36 64 64.
Way to embarrass a dude in front of his girl on Valentine's Day.
Good job, sweaty one. Sorry...the Spanish one. In case that was confusing.
Literal sad face.
Poor Misha was forced to retire due to injury in his final against All That Is Evil and Sucky In The World, Sods.
So congrats or whatever on your title, Evil Face.
Hat. You're doing it wrong.
Congrats to Bepa for defending her Pattaya City title, beating Touchdown Tammy, 64 64.
Shocker. You're doing it wrong.
Nole's got the day off in Rotterdam, Brasil has some catching up to do (rain washed out today's play), and the SAP Open fucking sucks ball for choosing to schedule two Americans for the night matches as opposed to giving Fernando one of the slots, thus ensuring that DG has spent much of this evening sadly cycling through the beautiful pictures she took on Wednesday and wondering if she'll ever see her man again.
Ok, well not really. Work permitting, she's going to ditch work and we'll go to his match during the day session. But don't think I won't be flipping tables and drawing on Andy Roddick posters in protest. Fuckin' bastards.
Rotterdam:
San Jose
Brasil
Rain washed out the entire day of play in Brasil. So they'll a day behind on their OOP.
When Tathiana Garbin makes the quarterfinals of a Premier 5 event, well, that just about sums it up. In other news...[whispers]go Chakky[/whispers].
Paris:
Central (from 13.00hrs)
1. Tathiana Garbin vs. Flavia Pennetta
2. Shahar Peer vs. Lucie Safarova
3. Govortsova/Poutchek vs. Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova
4. Elena Dementieva vs. Andrea Petkovic (NB 18.00hrs)
5. Agnes Szavay vs. Melanie Oudin (NB 20.00hrs)
Elf is out for 8 weeks with a wrist injury.
So I'm guessing he won't be at IW. [/lip quiver]
(Ahhh, can't wait for the IW picture opportunities)
Ah, the kid always comes through. I'm already bummed that Dina probably won't be there and who knows if Ana will still be there by the time I get down there. So thank you Rafa for hitting the courts to prepare to defend your IW title. But I sure hope your knees are healed up. Those IW courts are not kind on the joints.
Said Uncle Toni:
"He's doing fine (after) his latest injury, in his knee. He's had some tests and everything's going as planned, so he'll begin training this coming Monday," Toni Nadal said.
"He'll return to play at Indian Wells (which starts March 8), although the issue of the Davis Cup (the week before) is up in the air. It will depend on how his injury situation evolves and what the doctors say," the coach said.
Please skip DC. Let's go ahead and lighten your load, kiddo.
A valiant effort, Marcos, but the Playstation is back online.
And Nole's making some easy money this week. He's into the semifinals after only having play a little more than a 3 sets of tennis. He beat Chiuds today and already advanced to the semis with a walkover when Mayer withdrew.
Singles - Second Round
[1] N Djokovic (SRB) d M Chiudinelli (SUI) 64 62
[2] N Davydenko (RUS) d M Baghdatis (CYP) 63 62
[4] G Monfils (FRA) d [WC] T de Bakker (NED) 63 62
[6] M Youzhny (RUS) d [Q] M Ilhan (TUR) 64 64
J Melzer (AUT) d A Seppi (ITA) 62 62
J Benneteau (FRA) d M Berrer (GER) 64 64
BELIEVE. Or something.
Mel took out Peppermint Patty in straight sets. Nice win for the kid, though Patty is clearly not the Patty of yesteryear. Mel gets Agnes next, a winnable match if she...wait for it...believes.
And the seeds of awesomeness continued to fall in Paris, as Franny and Aravane both bit it.
In Thailand, all you need to know is that Chakky now has a win streak. Somewhere in New York, tears of joy are flowing.
Paris:
Singles - Second Round
Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. (4) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) 75 62
Andrea Petkovic (GER) d. (5) Aravane Rezai (FRA) 63 36 63
(6) Shahar Peer (ISR) d. (Q) Karolina Sprem (CRO) 64 63
Agnes Szavay (HUN) d. (WC) Petra Martic (CRO) 62 64
Melanie Oudin (USA) d. Patty Schnyder (SUI) 61 63
Doubles - Quarterfinals
(1) Black/Huber (ZIM/USA) d. Peschke/Srebotnik (CZE/SLO) 76(6) 63
(2) Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova (CZE/CZE) d. Dekmeijere/Grandin (LAT/RSA) 64 36 107
(3) Jans/Rosolska (POL/POL) d. Bacsinszky/Sfar (SUI/TUN) 63 63
Oh, and if you get the chance, please do read the Google translated version of her blog post. The girl should get into politics when all is said and done. She sure knows how to play it.
The World Group Playoff draw is out:
WORLD GROUP I
Belgium vs. Estonia
Ukraine vs. Australia
Germany vs. France
Serbia vs. Slovak Republic
WORLD GROUP II
Spain vs. Poland
China vs. Sweden
Argentina vs. Canada
Japan vs. Slovenia
Those are some interesting ties in World Group I. The Bondos play host to Sam and Rennae, the Germans will host Cone & Co., and good Lord, Team JJ will host Dani and Domi.
I'm already nauseous.
A bit of a blah day for the Ladies. My only question: Can Chakky win another match?
Paris:
Central (from 12.00hrs)
1. Jans/Rosolska vs. Bacsinszky/Sfar
2. Shahar Peer vs. Karolina Sprem (NB 13.30hrs)
3. Lucie Safarova vs. Francesca Schiavone
4. Petra Martic vs. Agnes Szavay
5. Andrea Petkovic vs. Aravane Rezai (NB 19.00hrs)
6. Melanie Oudin vs. Patty Schnyder
Court 1 (from 14.00hrs)
1. Dekmeijere/Grandin vs. Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova
2. Black/Huber vs. Peschke/Srebotnik
The match of the day has to be Kolya vs. Marcos. It'll be a good test to see where Marcos' game is right now. Novak/Chiuds should also be good. They had a good match at the AO. I'll also be keeping an eye out for Querrey/Dent. I have no idea why. But it seems like it might be interesting.
Rotterdam:
San Jose:
Brasil:
I don't know if beating Blah is noteworthy, but Marcos winning anything sure does seem to be newsworthy. I can't think of any reason why anyone wouldn't root for this guy to get back into the top 20 and start busting some brackets. Nice win for him today.
The same can't be said for Boredo, who hasn't been able to get his season on track after taking the Hopman crown. He was seeded fifth in Rotterdam and lost to Mayer in three.
Rotterdam:
Singles - Second Round
[3] [WC] R Soderling (SWE) d [Q] I Sijsling (NED) 76(6) 62
F Mayer (GER) d [5] T Robredo (ESP) 64 36 63
Well I can't think of a more appropriate way for Tommy to embrace his American citizenship than a second round loss. You'll fit right in, Tommy.
San Jose:
Singles - Second Round
D Istomin (UZB) d [4] T Haas (GER) 76(3) 62
[5] T Berdych (CZE) d J Nieminen (FIN) 63 62
[6] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d D Sela (ISR) 62 60
Singles - First Round
[1] A Roddick (USA) d [Q] R Deheart (USA) 61 76(1)
[2] F Verdasco (ESP) d Y Lu (TPE) 63 67(6) 63
X Malisse (BEL) d [3] R Stepanek (CZE) 63 64
Because it's not tennis in Brasil without Guga. So lovable.
Brasil:
Singles - Second Round
[1] J Ferrero (ESP) d N Massu (CHI) 62 57 62
[4] I Andreev (RUS) d [Q] R Machado (POR) 63 57 64
[6] P Cuevas (URU) d F Gil (POR) 75 46 76(3)
[Q] C Berlocq (ARG) d J Chela (ARG) 76(5) 62
After enduring the 1 hour and 20 minute drive (ok, yes, I'm whining. But I *never* drive so this is like...a cross -country trip for me. Also, I wasn't driving, which makes my whining even more pathetic) we finally arrived at HP Pavilion. We knew we had reached our destination because you couldn't walk without bumping into a banner of Andy Roddick.
Diversification, boys. Try it sometime.
Once we made it inside (after the door guy referred to DG as "the Mom of the evening" because she was carrying our tickets -- wha?) we checked our phones and saw that the BryBros were signing autographs. We wouldn't be good tennis fans if we didn't take the opportunity to stand within 10 feet of them and laugh. So we did.
After that we got some food and found our seats, which, bless DG, were right behind the players' chairs. She having of course dressed up for the occasion, it was clear that her four inch Stuart Weitzman "fuck me" heels weren't going to make it up and down the arena steps to get our liquid refreshments. So me and my trusty Dunk Lows ran up and down the steps to secure four white wines and two gigantic beers.
Note to the SAP Staff: If you have a sign that says "2 Alcoholic Beverages Per Transaction" don't try and pull this "Sorry, you already have 2 glasses of wine that you bought at the other stand. We can't sell you this beer" bullshit. Do you have a dictionary? Good. Go look up "transaction" and get back to me.
Anywho, once all was said and done we settled into the matches. First up with A-Rod vs. Ryler DeHeart.
If you remember the USO 08 then you remember Ryler as being the kid that Rafa destroyed on Ashe during the night session. Also, if you've been to his website, you know that Ryler wants you to know that "World Domination Is Imminent."
But he was so adorable then and he was just as adorable tonight. He came alive in the second set, playing a great game to break Andy, before choking when trying to serve out the set.
A-Rod broke back and the rest is history. But a good performance by him.
Then it was the main event. Well, at least for us. 30% of the crowd left after Andy won. Idiots. Yeah...we were sitting...kind of close.
I must say, the gangrene Adidas kit looks so much better in person. It's still baggy, but it definitely doesn't look as busy. He looks like a Listerine strip that you just want to put in your mouth. Or something.
It was really interesting to watch A-Rod and Fer back to back. Watching Andy, all I could think was "HIT THE DAMN BALL!!!" I am always amazed as to how much effort he puts into hitting the ball and it just goes nowhere. Yes, he puts a lot of work on the ball and he grinds opponents down, but with his wind up and extension you'd think he'd hit the ball harder. He doesn't. It's frustrating to me.
But with Fer, you know that if the ball is short or if he can get his weight behind it, he'll hit it. And his forehand is a beauty. There were quite a few fun points between the two and Rendy acquitted himself well, especially in the second set.
But after Rendy won the second set to force a third, I told a very worried DG "Don't worry, Fer's fitter. Rendy won't have the legs to keep up." Sure enough, that's what happened. Fer served better in the third and Rendy was hunched over gasping for air a few times.
So DG and I had a blast and should Fernando get scheduled for the Friday evening session we'll go again. Going to the SAP reminded me how much I love live tennis and how much I'm looking forward to IW this year. It sounds like we'll have a relatively large FD contingent (the regulars and some newbies) and this year DG is going to come along with Love All and I. Stock up on wine and beer, Indian Wells. Here we come.
And so Paris said goodbye to Amelie.
I haven't seen the ceremony yet but I'm looking forward to it. It looked fun.
Well, in a crying-fun kind of way.
Here's hoping she retires that scrunchie, too.
ZOMG, Mama Momes is adorbz. And they are twinsies.
Older French women are so fuckin' classy. It's annoying.
Just a couple of old ladies, havin' a laugh.
No, really, Amelie. The scrunchie. Burn it.
"All I know is that there was a lot of wine and when I woke up, I had a scrunchie in my hair."
Feel the love.
A day after things were kinda boring in the WTA, well, the drama returned. Though not upsets, Pavs lost to Lena and Kleybs is out to Flavia.
In perhaps the biggest surprise of the day, Wickmayer, the third seed in Paris, lost to a Croatian wildcard who I have never heard of, 64 36 75.
And in Thailand, Sabine, Sania, and Kimiko-Tan all lost. So...you have no excuse, Bepa. Well, other your hair.
Paris:
Singles - Second Round
(1) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) 64 64
(2/WC) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 76(4) 61
Tathiana Garbin (ITA) d. (8) Elena Vesnina (RUS) 64 26 62
Singles - First Round
(WC) Petra Martic (CRO) d. (3) Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) 64 36 75
(5) Aravane Rezai (FRA) d. (Q) Evgeniya Rodina (RUS) 64 64
Pattaya City:
Singles - Second Round
Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) d. (2) Sabine Lisicki (GER) 63 36 75
(4) Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) d. Chanelle Scheepers (RSA) 76(8) 63
Sesil Karatantcheva (KAZ) d. (8) Julia Goerges (GER) 62 61
Singles - First Round
(3) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. Galina Voskoboeva (KAZ) 64 62
(5) Sybille Bammer (AUT) d. Marina Erakovic (NZL) 76(8) 75
Tatjana Malek (GER) d. (6) Sania Mirza (IND) 36 64 63
Anastasia Rodionova (AUS) d. (7) Kimiko Date Krumm (JPN) 61 10 ret. (left ankle injury)
Panda's got a boner....
But the Getty caption is even funnier:
ROTTERDAM, NETHERLANDS - FEBRUARY 10: Someone in fancy dress runs free on the centre court in the match between Tommy Robredo of Spain and Florian Mayer of Germany during day three of the ABN AMBRO World Tennis Tournament on February 10, 2010 in Rotterdam, Netherlands.
Because that would be appropriate, too.
With the success of the Novak Open, it looks like plans are underway to build a large tennis complex that will house courts, shops, hotels, and a restaurant. It will, of course, be called "Arena Djokovic"
Whatever. Call me when a drag bar opens called Club JJ and a puppy adoption center opens called Ana's Adoptions. Then we'll party.
So...if I understand this, and I'm pretty sure even if I do, I don't, Dina held a press conference last week in Zagreb, during the ATP tournament, to announce that she's out of Dubai, her back is still broken, she'll be out either 3 weeks or 2 months (uh...that's a range), and she still loves Zeljko with all her heart, body, and soul.
Ok, I may be reading in between the lines for that last bit. But you know I ain't wrong.
I...don't...know...what...he's...wearing.
Anyway, to the shock of no one, Serena and Ana are also out Dubai.
Lena takes the court for the first time since the AO and Kleybs and Flavs do battle, in what could be a Fed Cup final preview. Hah. Nah. Shamil would *never* let Kleybs play the final. Silly Rabbit.
Also, Momo is supposed to be honored in Paris. Here's hoping she shows up with a bottle of wine in hand. An empty one.
Vive le Momes!
Paris
Central (from 11.00hrs)
1. Evgeniya Rodina vs. Aravane Rezai
2. Yanina Wickmayer vs. Petra Martic
3. Elena Dementieva vs. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
4. Elena Vesnina vs. Tathiana Garbin
5. Alisa Kleybanova vs. Flavia Pennetta (NB 18.00hrs)
6. Pavlyuchenkova/Senoglu vs. Benesova/Zahlavova Strycova
Court 1 (from 11.00hrs)
1. Jans/Rosolska vs. Uhlirova/Voracova
2. Peschke/Srebotnik vs. Védy/Zalameda
3. Govortsova/Poutchek vs. Jurak/Marosi
Court/time TBA (NB 17.00hrs)
1. Black/Huber vs. Coin/Cornet
Pattaya City
Court 1 (from 15.00hrs)
1. Galina Voskoboeva vs. Vera Dushevina
2. Tatjana Malek vs. Sania Mirza
3. Tamarine Tanasugarn vs. Sabine Lisicki
4. Yaroslava Shvedova vs. Chanelle Scheepers
5. Rodionova/Rodionova vs. Karatantcheva/Rogowska
Court 2 (from 15.00hrs)
1. Marina Erakovic vs. Sybille Bammer
2. Kimiko Date Krumm vs. Anastasia Rodionova
3. Julia Goerges vs. Sesil Karatantcheva
4. Chakvetadze/Pervak vs. Chang/Chuang
Wow. Rotterdam has two great second round matches between Feli/Kolya and Blah/Marcos. And in fun news, I'll be at the evening session in San Jose. I'll probably light up my Twitter feed while I'm there, mainly typing out the totally inappropriate things DonkeyGrooming will surely be muttering under her breath. Or yelling out loud. Depends on how much beer I can get in her during A-Rod's match.
San Jose
Brasil:
Rotterdam
Nole cruised before Stakhovsky retired, Apricot Bars pulled out a nice win over Lubes, and cutie patootie Chiuds ousted Mrs. Saifn's BFF, Michael Llodra.
Totally cute.
Singles - First Round
[1] N Djokovic (SRB) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) 62 41 ret. (left knee)
[6] M Youzhny (RUS) d [Q] A Golubev (KAZ) 16 76(0) 76(5)
J Benneteau (FRA) d [7] I Ljubicic (CRO) 63 63
[Q] M Ilhan (TUR) d G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 61 64
M Chiudinelli (SUI) d M Llodra (FRA) 61 67(5) 76(6)
[WC] T de Bakker (NED) d [LL] J Hajek (CZE) 76(5) 63
San Jose
I normally don't dig the Tommy cheddar, but that haircut is definitely working for me. Or maybe it's the fact that "God Bless America" plays everywhere he goes. Either way, dude looks good in San Jose.
Not looking good? Jeremy Chardy, who goes down without a fight to Phau. That's six straight losses for Jeremy. I mean, not even Ana's got a streak like that.
Singles - First Round
[4] T Haas (GER) d [WC] D Britton (USA) 64 76(3)
[6] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d R Ram (USA) 67(7) 61 63
[7] S Querrey (USA) d T Gabashvili (RUS) 63 62
B Phau (GER) d [8] J Chardy (FRA) 63 61
[Q] R Berankis (LTU) d R Ginepri (USA) 67(5) 62 63
B Becker (GER) d [Q] T Smyczek (USA) 64 62
M Russell (USA) d *[LL] K Im (KOR) 76(6) 61
*[LL] K Im (KOR) replaced M Fish (USA) - left knee
Brasil
Nothing to see here. Move along.
Singles - First Round
[1] J Ferrero (ESP) d E Schwank (ARG) 76(4) 63
[3] T Bellucci (BRA) d [WC] T Alves (BRA) 62 75
[4] I Andreev (RUS) d P Starace (ITA) 62 62
[5] V Hanescu (ROU) d J Souza (BRA) 76(5) 64
[6] P Cuevas (URU) d [Q] F Volandri (ITA) 64 63
M Granollers (ESP) d [7] H Zeballos (ARG) 75 30 ret. (left hip)
L Kubot (POL) d O Hernandez (ESP) 75 76(2)
J Chela (ARG) d P Luczak (AUS) 67(4) 63 64
F Fognini (ITA) d M Vassallo Arguello (ARG) 64 60
[Q] R Machado (POR) d M Daniel (BRA) 63 76(3)
N Massu (CHI) d [Q] R Dutra Da Silva (BRA) 64 36 64
F Gil (POR) d [LL] P Andujar (ESP) 76(9) 62
[WC] R Hocevar (BRA) d [Q] C Berlocq (ARG) 75 63
Buh-Bye. Sorana fell to Mels 63 60 today. It...hasn't been a great few weeks for the Bunny Ranch.
Otherwise it was business as usual in Paris and Thailand. Franny threw down a double bagel, you know, as she is prone to do.
Yeah, I don't know what that last part is supposed to mean. She never does.
Oh, and The Cone continued her streak of awesome by losing to Patty.
Singles - First Round
(4) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. (Q) Vesna Manasieva (RUS) 60 60
(6) Shahar Peer (ISR) d. Alizé Cornet (FRA) 64 61
Patty Schnyder (SUI) d. (7) Virginie Razzano (FRA) 63 76(3)
Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) d. (WC) Julie Coin (FRA) 75 64
Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) d. Iveta Benesova (CZE) 61 60
Lucie Safarova (CZE) d. Tamira Paszek (AUT) 60 63
Andrea Petkovic (GER) d. Katarina Srebotnik (SLO) 75 62
Melanie Oudin (USA) d. Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 63 60
Tathiana Garbin (ITA) d. (Q) Ioana Raluca Olaru (ROU) 36 62 64
(Q) Karolina Sprem (CRO) d. Timea Bacsinszky (SUI) 75 61
Singles - First Round
(1) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Ksenia Pervak (RUS) 63 62
(4) Yaroslava Shvedova (KAZ) d. Ayumi Morita (JPN) 62 64
(8) Julia Goerges (GER) d. (Q) Anna Gerasimou (GRE) 64 64
Alberta Brianti (ITA) d. (Q) Sacha Jones (NZL) 64 46 61
Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) d. Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 61 62
Chang Kai-Chen (TPE) d. (WC) Varatchaya Wongteanchai (THA) 46 63 63
Chan Yung-Jan (TPE) d. (Q) Zhou Yi-Miao (CHN) 62 63
Ekaterina Bychkova (RUS) d. (Q) Nudnida Luangnam (THA) 67(4) 61 76(3)
Sesil Karatantcheva (KAZ) d. (WC) Suchanan Viratprasert (THA) 61 75
And we haven't even gotten to Nole and Kolya yet...
The scantily-clad Baby E has signed a lifetime deal with Adidas. She's the youngest athlete, male or female, to sign such a deal with the company.
Maybe this will take some pressure off her shoulders. Yeah...probably not.
Rotterdam:
The big tourney this week is Rotterdam, with Nole, Kolya, and Sods making their post-AO debut. All three left Australia somewhat disappointed, especially Sod. So look for him to have a good run (he's in Kolya's half), whether we like it or not. That said, go Nole and Kolya!
San Jose:
A-Rod's availability for San Jose is in question. He's having his arm looked at in Austin and will probably make a decision today as to whether he'll make the trip. I suppose it could be the same injury he sustained in Australia but let's pretend he busted his arm whacking off to his wife's new SI pics.
Anyway, he has to decide today because he's scheduled for the Wednesday evening session along with Fer (which I shall be attending because Donkey said so). But even without A-Rod, this is a solid field that could yield some fun matches, assuming the boys don't get stupid and lose early. DonkeyGrooming is specifically looking forward to the Fer/Jeremy quarterfinal. So make it happen, Tennis Gods.
Brasil:
And then there's Brasil, where Igor and Reeeshard have decided to work on their Portuguese alongside JCF and T-Bell. I'm rooting for JCF to take it but I wouldn't be sad if T-Bell could find the energy to back up his win in Santiago with a trophy at home.
Ah, Paris. It's just not the same without Momo, to be honest. But life must go on.
After Serena's shocking withdrawal, Lena leads the field, with Flavia, Yanina, and Fran in tow. After getting bounced in the second round of AO by Justine, I'm actually really rooting for Lena to take the tournament. The tennis world needs to be reminded that she's still part of the conversation.
Whoa, Bepa. That hair is...whoa.
Bepa will try and defend her title in Pattaya City. Boom Boom is also there, so I'll be looking to see if she's finally recovered from injury and able to make a deep run.
Awww...it's so cute!
I'm not sure why Sam's hair looks like a broom, but just go with it. These are happy times.
Cutes.
That's actually Alicia Molik. But just go with it.
Unless I'm completely dense, no one had any idea that Ana was going to pose for Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue. Good on her, though.
She. Looks. Awesome. Even if she has no boobs or ass.
GIRL, PUT THE MAN HANDS AWAY!!!
I'm drunk. How drunk, you ask? Let's just say I fell down putting on my pajamas and I put my shirt on backwards and I just ate a powdered donut.
With that...here we go....
Alona cares not for your "tactics", creepy dude.
Badass.
No you have to enter her password. No seriously, this has to get done TODAY.
Ruh Roh. Someone raided the Bunny Ranch eyeliner stash.
Didn't she just have a kid, like 4 days from now?
That said...NATHALIE!!!
Oh, Casey. Go buy some tissues from Target.
Uh...I don't know. That's a kangaroo. Seemed funny. Probably funnier if I was sober. Or less. I don't know. Huh?
ALIZE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE'S WAY!!! JESUS!
Someone got a new Toyota....
Kata! I haz a happee.
Whereabout is she???
Oh, Alex. Yelling only scares her more.
You'd think that was Cones. It's not. Hence the current state of Team France.
You smug little bastard.
What are you looking for? Oh that thing behind you? IT'S YOUR GAME.
Five and a half years. That's the last time Feli won a title. So kudos for snapping that streak, dude, with a 75 61 win over Christophe Robert.
Marin defended his title in Zagreb, giving him his fifth title of his career. He's also 15-1 on the year. But more impressive? He didn't let Goran's one week coaching stint derail him. Seriously, that's huge.
The first round of Fed Cup is over and after all the dust and thundersticks have settled we have the four teams we pretty much expected to advance.
Kudos to Team America for their surprisingly (at least to me) decisive win over France. Mels Bells clinched it in her opening match today over Julie Coin. Their reward?
Hosting Team Russia in the semifinals. On the, uh, broad shoulders of Sveta and Kleybs, Russia advanced after trouncing the dream (or nightmare, depending on your perspective) pairing of JJ and Ana in the decisive doubles match.
The day started with JJ engineering yet another three set come from behind victory over Sveta, only to see Ana crumble under the pressure of being a clincher. The kid came out nervous again, dropping to 0-4 in the first, before dropping the match 62 63.
Rough luck for Serbia, even rougher luck for Ana, who will surely have to endure some fun questions and commentary. But kudos to the Glitter Queen of Serbia, who put her money where her mouth was and pulled of a solid Fed Cup weekend. And her win over Sveta should give her some confidence.
If only that darned back would heal....
On the other side of the draw will be the Czech Republic at Italy. The Italians sealed their tie after both Flavia and Franny won their reverse singles to clinch 3-1. As for the Czechs, they had a surprise hero in Lucie Hradcka, who subbed in for a sick Lucie Safarova and beat Petkovic in singles, then teamed up with Kveta Peschke to win the decisive doubles match. It'll be a tough task to beat Italy in Italy on, I presume, clay.
In case you haven't heard, Gilles, Jo, and Rafa have withdrawn from Rotterdam. Dima, Lleyton, and Halpert are out of San Jose. And Serena's out of Paris with a knee injury.
Well Johannesburg got weird. Daveed fell in straight sets to Stephane Robert (!) 75 64. Robert is ranked 100 in the world. So...yeah.
On the other side, Flyin' Feli chalked up a solid win over Gael, 36 61 76(1) to make the finals.
In Zagreb, Marin is cruising. He beat Ivo yesterday and ousted Douchestamp today to cruise into the finals, where he'll face Michael Berrer. Way to not fuck shit up, Goran.
As for Santiago, the semis are yet to be played but it's shaping up to be a Gonzo/Pico final. Nice.
This tie is a difficult one to get into. I'd expect the Czechs to come out on top, but who knows when you're relying on Lucie for anything. They're 1-1 going into Day 2, with Petra and ALG coming out on top.
Huh. I never thought A-Bond would get the upper hand on Franny in any situation. On the court, in a dark alley, at a bar, nowhere. So color me shocked that she didn't just beat Franny With A Fringe On Top (I honestly have no idea how my mind works sometimes), but she beat her handily, 61 64.
Leave it to Flavia to right things for the defending champs, as she took out K-Bond 75 63. This tie is turning interesting though. If neither team can close it out in singles tomorrow it sets up an awesome doubles tie with the Bondos vs. Whoever Italy chooses to field. That could be entertaining as hell.
Speaking of entertaining as hell (aside -- I clearly have a subliminal obsession with hell as being an incredibly awesome place), Sodapop said there were Ukrainian cheerleaders at the match and they did a cheer to "Personal Jesus".
Anyway, I'm just waiting for one of them to close it out so we can get to the back alley knife fight.
That's a fuckin' game face, people.
And that's...Alize Cornet.
In a hell of a performance by Team America (Fuck Yeah!), Bethany came from behind to beat The Cone in straight sets, and Mels Bells showed her now famous fighting spirit by beating Parmentier, 64 64. I mean, this is a really amazing result considering it was in France on clay, a surface that is not kind to the U.S.
But let's take a moment to ruminate on The Cone, shall we? She was up 5-2 in the first set. And lost it. She is now 0-6 in Fed Cup. She has yet to ever contribute a point to France's Fed Cup team. And it's not like she's lighting it up on the WTA ciruit, either. I know she's the highest ranked French woman who is willing to play Fed Cup, but what the heck is Escude doing other than looking super hot on the sideline? I mean, isn't there a problem if he and the FFT can't get Rezai and Mono to don the snooty French colors? Or perhaps the FFT doesn't give a shit. Which...is entirely possible.
Anyway, big ups once again to the American ladies and props to MJ. They're well on their way to the semifinals.
"You see? *That* is how awesome I am."
After Ana somewhat expectedly lost in straights to Kuz 61 64, it was up to JJ to salvage some hope for the home team.
And as an aside, can we just talk a minute about the hilarious symbolism of the color of their respective kits? JJ's in mensal blood red with the Serbian shield emblazoned proudly across her Wonderbra boobs. Ana's in...white. Hee.
Ok, some people love the spotlight. And then there are some people who *love* the spotlight. And then there's JJ.
She dropped the first set 46 (after 7 straight breaks of serve apparently), then, down 1-4 in the second, she would not lose another game. She ran the table to win 46 64 60. I mean, all I can do right now is snicker.
So the teams go into the second day tied at 1-1. If one of the Serbs can pull out a win tomorrow we'll get Ana/JJ dubs!!! Which should be awesome regardless of the result. Here's hoping Ana gets some redemption tomorrow.
