Forty Deuce

Bring On 2010

Finally, the day that we've been waiting for: The end of the crummy year that was 2009.

2009 was a rough one for me personally, and if you follow FD closely, you've probably been able to read between the lines and see hints of that.  As I mentioned in this week's FD Podcast, I finally quit my job today.  That's right, say goodbye to the seemingly luxurious life of a high priced corporate litigator.  No longer will I be defending evil corporations in their ruthless attempts to take over the world.

I started Forty Deuce in 2008 because I was looking for an outlet.  I felt stifled creatively at my job.  I'm a pretty affable and laid back person, but when you're paid to stress out (which is what clients pay us to do -- stress out about shit they should be stressing out about so that they don't have to), it's pretty hard to walk around with a genuine smile on your face.  And when you're not sleeping and physically and mentally exhausted, it's really hard to protect yourself from being ground down to a nub.

So I carved out this little space on the interwebs where I could still maintain some semblance of a personality.  Where I could express myself creatively about something that I love.  Where I could do and say whatever the fuck I wanted without repercussion.

And much to my shock, you guys came.  And you read what I wrote.  And, much to my surprise, you seemed to like it.  I cannot tell you how much support I took from your comments and your emails.  I spent 7 years working my ass off and somewhere along the line, I began to lose myself.  I was convinced that the only value that I had to the world was as an asshole lawyer.  The kind of lawyer who had to duck out of a Lily Allen concert to tear someone a new one over the phone.  The kind of lawyer who reduced a poor customer service rep to tears because Delta had lost my luggage on a business trip.  The kind of lawyer who would drop $500 for a bottle of wine at dinner simply because I had to justify my job somehow, right?  Have you seen Michael Clayton?  Yeah, think that but with fewer horses and exploding cars. 

But this blog, and specifically all of you, have, in your own little way, reminded me that I don't have to be that.  That maybe, just maybe, I might be good at something other than a paid mercenary.  Shit, if I'm going to be an asshole, at least use my powers for good, not evil, right?

And so I've quit my job, hopped off a career trajectory that would have led to a seven-figure paycheck, will likely sell my house, move back with parents, etc.  It sounds like absolute insanity but I can honestly say that apart form the sadness of leaving some of my best friends at the firm, I am ecstatic and for the first time in 10 years, I feel at peace.  

All this is to say, thank you.  Each and every one of you have played a part in bringing me to this day.  Thank you to the Forty Deuce community and to all the tennis fans out there that tune in.  I still get weirded out when I think that people read this site.  That, when it's not updated, people worry about my personal well-being.  That I have been able to cultivate real and honest friendships with many of you, whether I've met you face to face or not.  

Look, I know I'm a dick.  I know you disagree with me a lot.  I know you have, from time to time, come to hate me with a fiery passion.  But that's ok.  To quote a wise and handsome Serb, "That's ok.  I still love you guys."

Have a wonderful New Year's, everyone.  See you on the flip side.

C Note

PS -- I will be taking a three week vacation starting January 2nd.  It's a vacation that, as my friends and family have reminded me, I've never been able to take when I was a big firm lawyer.  Hell, the one week for Indian Wells last year was like pulling teeth and I still had to run out of the main stadium a few times to get into a screaming match with opposing counsel.  I'll be back in time for the second week of AO.  In my stead, Carrie has graciously agreed to take over and get you guys hyped for the Australian swing.

What, Are You Scurrrred?

Roger's skipping Neutral-Land's David Cup tie against Spain.  Not surprising.  He's skipped the first round of Davis Cup every year from 2005-2009.

"Marry, Boff, Kill"

What do tennis fans do when there's no tennis being played, no tennis news being reported, and no real tennis to anticipate?

They get on the phone and talk about which players they'd marry, fuck, and kill.  

FD Podcast #12: Freaks of the Industry

FD 09 Year In Review: Limping To The End

It felt like we were slogging to the finish line.  But we got there.  And thankfully we had Marat as our tour guide.

• White chicks throwin' up gang signs.
• Linguistics!
• Stosur, Stubbs, Franny, Kleybs.  No, this is not a game of Marry/Boff/Kill.
• C Note and DonkeyGrooming flew across the pond to go to church.  It was awesome.
• I am imagining a pretty amazing threesome right about now.
• Oh, Jesus.  Linz.
• No, seriously.  Just stand there and look pretty.
• Carrie was really annoyed about Osaka and Linz.
• Rafa plays with his balls.
• Nole speaks truth.
• Kolya started his roll.  Huzzah!
• In other news, people still think Kolya's ugly.
• The most frightening Halloween ever.
• Sam!
• I mean, really, Ernie?  It's come to this?
• Cheater, Cheater, Danish Eater!
• Hey, remember when Marat beat Kolya in Moscow?  Yeah, it happened!
• And we were off to Doha!  Strut it, ladies.  Or, you know, not.
• Vika started to let the zingers fly.  Then she lost her shit.  And a match.
• Let's face it.  During the Fall season Dinara as awesome for all the wrong reasons.
• Sigh.
• Not that I cared at all at the time, but Andre used meth.  Apparently.
• Ovaries.  Melting.  Everywhere.  Get a mop.
• Poker Face?  I don't even know her!
• Electrolytes are your friend.  Really.
• In case you didn't know...Oh, and yes, she won Doha, captured the year-end #1, and established her general dominance.  Yawn.
• Wick extinguished in Bali.
• Ana debuted her WAG wear.
• WTA Arts and Crafts.
• Eric and Gwen outadorabled us all.
• Um...so Bali happened.
• In what was essentially my happiest week ever, Nole beat Fed in Basel and Muzz won in Valencia.
• Here we go...
• So fucking weird.
• Goodbye, Marat.  In honor of your accomplishments, we give you an 2 Vagina Salute.
• Apricots are good for you.  True story.
• Oh, man.  Loved that Nole/Rafa match.  Nole was amazing.
• Relaxin' Poles.
• Janko's engaged.  We're sad.
• On to London!  The boys brought the cute.
• I still can't deal with this series of pics.
• I rant against "Rafa Chicken Littles".
• WTF, indeed.
• Holy Shit!
• Momo says goodbye. 
• Thanks to the Italians and the Spaniards for ending the years on a happy teamy no

And that was 2009.  A crazy year that saw some big ups and some devastating downs.  It was fun, but I'm looking forward to 2010.

FD 09 Year In Review: Where Were We?

Well much as I needed a break after the US Open, I needed a bit of a break from putting together these year-end reviews.  Don't get me wrong, they're a blast to put together.  Unfortunately, life gets in the way.

• In a rather genius marketing move, Tampax announces a deal with Serena after the USO.  Just to be clear, this is a sponsorship deal for tampons, not Midol.  Serena can still lose her shit.  She just can't leak all over the court.  So...win/win.
• In news that is totally unrelated to the fact that Kimmy won the USO, Justine announces she's coming back. 
• Steps!
• What is this, a Fleet Foxes concert?
• Elephant Appreciation Day!
• If there was one running theme throughout FD 09, it is this: Flavia is AWESOME.
• No one likes Nicole Vaidisova.  I'm not even convinced Steps does.
• Months later, I still love Ai's dress.
• Speaking of Ai...tears.  You'll be missed.
• I give a shout out to my good TW friend Sam.
• A cuddly Rafa is my favorite Rafa of all.
• Kimiko showed the kids how it's done.  Because everyone else stopped caring.
• Marat always wins in Bangkok.  I mean, not in tennis, but you know, generally.  He even played dubs and won!
• Querrey California sat on a glass table.  And somehow people were surprised.
• Chillin and Shillin.
• Hey look!  I didn't shit on Roger!
• Oily, lanky, cute boys.
• LOLOLOLOLOL....LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
• Oh, Sveta.
• Ana finally admits she sucks.
• Joint tournaments are awesome.  
• Wow.  I completely forgot this happened.
• Hey, remember when I drunkenly threatened to beat up Victoria?  I have rage issues.
• How did I forget that Gilles won a title this year?  Weird.
• And now, introducing, Zhang Shuai and your new world #1, Serena Williams.  Or is it Nads?
• Chevy Nova bounces Venus.
• "Is her last name Jankovic?"  Love her.  But what is it about the Chinese and the Russians?
• Rafa vs. Marat!  I need a cigarette.  Even Rafa was excited.

And with that, I was off to London for a bit of R&R. 

Hugs. I Want To Give Them.

Great profile on Rafa's year with a lot stuff from Rafa and Co. It's a surprisingly honest and intimate look.

If You Love Hitting The Ball Into The Net, Anta's For You.

Something tells me Don Draper would have some line edits to this one.

Argie of The Year

Congrats to JMDP, who was named the Olimpia del Oro Argentinian Sportsman of the Year.  Quite the achievement for a country with so many great footballers.

And to top it all off, Elfie will take over the #4 ranking after Doha, bumping Muzz to #5.  How about them apples?  Not sure how much that can change before the draw comes out for AO, but if it holds, that sure will shake up the AO, no?

Pic This: Bazar Indeed.

JJ's photoshoot for Bazar Magazine.  Dude, I don't know.  I DON'T KNOW.

What Recession?

Muzz has a new car.  His insurance premium is $500 a day.  A DAY.

At least he bought it used.  Kinda.

How The Fuck Did She Get Tanner?

Baby Koala (yes, we're back to that now that she's in Australia) horsed around with a seal.  Or is it sealed around?  I don't know.  English is my second language.

Also, she hired a new fitness trainer.  In not-even-close-to-being-shocking news, he's Australian.  His name is Damian Prasad and he's heavily involved with the Australian Sports Institute.  I mean, she doesn't look fat yet, so good job, Damian.

That's a fucking huge ass seal with a huge ass fist pump.

It's not just me, right? That tan is unreal.

Now Starring...

Well this is exciting.  For all the wrong reasons.

Nole is set to star in a 10-part miniseries about the King of Yugoslavia.  With a budget of 3 million Euros, this shit is real, people.  And as if that were't enough, his little brother, Djordje, is set to play his younger brother. 

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!

Here's hoping the King of Yugoslavia spent much of his time nekkid.

But on a somewhat serious note, when the hell is he going to find the time to film this thing?

Pic This: Adorbz.

Fröhliche Weihnachten, from the Federers.

So...Justine Really Wants To Win Wimbledon.

In case you were wondering. Nice profile, though.

"She's A Maaaaaaniac, Maaaaaaniac On The Floor. And She's Dancin' Like She's Never Danced Before..."

"Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?"

I Love Anne Keothavong.

That's all really.

In good news, Anne will be returning from injury for Great Britain's Fed Cup tie in Lisbon in February.

I'm An American So I Can Say This: We Do Not Play Nice In The Sandbox.

Primarily because we suck at it.

Serbia has wisely chosen indoor clay for their Fed Cup tie against The Sockless Dick-Blah Brothers.  Pretty sure that indoor court is going to be nice and damp, too.  

Ajde, motherfuckers.

Oh Look. A Boring Guy Wearing A Boring Kit. Awesome.

Seriously, what is up with Adidas?  First they recycle Dinara's 08 kit for Dani, then they put Fer in that godawful collared 80's kit, and now they recycle the blue Fred Perry 09 kit and somehow make it look like puke. 

 

AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP WITH THE COLLARS.

I'm so angry I can't deal with this right now.

You Know, Because This Worked So Well Last Year.

Apparently Jo has signed on to switch from his trusty Wilson racquet to Babolat.  This is a *huge* change and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely confuzzled by this move. 

Anyone who plays tennis and and has play-tested racquets knows that of all the major manufacturers, Babolat is the most unique in the way that the racquet plays.  In my experience, you either *really* love Babolats from the first few swings or you don't.  Typically, players who use Babolats like it for the control and amount of spin it can maintain, e.g., Rafa, Caro, A-Rod, and Kim.  It's not really a power racquet.  In fact, when I play-tested it, the ball completely flew on me because I tend to hit flat.  More importantly, it's a racquet that can take a long time to get used to.  You usually start using it from a young age. 

For a player that hits as flat as Jo does and who relies on his volleys, this is really curious.  Much more curious than Nole's move from Wilson to Head or Ana's move from Wilson to Yonex.  This sticks, generally, aren't radically different.  Obviously I'm sure he tested it for a good amount of time, but still.  I don't know.

Augh.  I'm worried.  Very very worried.

Best/Worst: What Do We Know, Really.

This week, Brodie, the man behind Mind the Racket, joins in as we continue our year-end wrap up by discussing the best and worst student/coaching relationships, our favorite tennis journalists and bloggers, and things that would or would not surprise us in 2010.  

And I force everyone to stroke my ego by discussing their favorite FD Posts.  I think you can hear my awkward squirming.  I'll post the links in the comments.

The Podcast will be off next week as we all enjoy the holidays with our families.  But we'll return with one more podcast before 2010 where, as promised in the podcast, we're going to play Marry/Boff/Kill.

Please weigh in with your own thoughts on our categories in the comments. 

FD Podcast #11: Oi to the World

Finals Week

Tennis Channel is reairing 2009's Grand Slam finals starting December 21.  Check out the rankings for the men's finals.  Geez, SOMEONE hates it when Fed loses, huh?

Whatever.

#8 – 2009 French Open Women’s Final: (Dec 21 @ 7 pm ET)
Svetlana Kuznetsova def. Dinara Safina (6-4, 6-2)

#7 – 2009 Australian Open Women’s Final: (Dec 22 @ 7 pm ET)
Serena Williams def. Dinara Safina (6-3, 6-0)

#6 – 2009 US Open Women’s Final: (Dec 23 @ 7 pm ET)
Kim Clijsters def. Caroline Wozniacki (7-5, 6-3)

#5 – 2009 Wimbledon Women’s Final: (Dec 24 @ 7 pm ET)
Serena Williams def. Venus Williams (7-6, 6-2)

#4 – 2009 US Open Men’s Final: (Dec 25 @ 7 pm ET)
Juan Martin Del Potro def. Roger Federer (3-6, 7-6, 4-6, 7-6, 6-2)

#3 – 2009 Australian Open Men’s Final: (Dec 26 @ 7 pm ET)
Rafael Nadal def. Roger Federer (7-5, 3-6, 7-6, 3-6, 6-2)

#2 – 2009 French Open Men’s Final: (Dec 27 @ 7 pm ET)
Roger Federer def. Robin Soderling (6-1, 7-6, 6-4)

#1 – 2009 Wimbledon Men’s Final: (Dec 28 @ 7 pm ET)
Roger Federer def. Andy Roddick (5-7, 7-6, 7-6, 3-6, 16-14)

Out of Trouble

Reeshard has been officially cleared by the Court of Arbitration for Sport, which dismissed WADA and the ITF's appeals. 

The court accepted Gasquet's claim that he inadvertently consumed cocaine by kissing the woman in a Miami club hours after withdrawing injured from a tournament in March.

"It was impossible for the player, even when exercising the utmost caution, to know that in kissing a woman who he had met in a totally unsuspicious environment, he could be contaminated with cocaine," the court said in a statement.

A CAS panel of three lawyers said the quantity of the drug in Gasquet's urine test was "minute" and the 23-year-old Frenchman was "clearly not a regular cocaine user."

"The possibility of contamination became the most plausible explanation," CAS said.

The verdict was greeted with dismay by WADA and the ITF, the sport's world governing body.

"WADA considered that the evidence warranted full and total scrutiny," director-general David Howman said in a statement. "WADA abides by the CAS ruling and has no further comment at this stage."

ITF president Francesco Ricci Bitti said the federation was "disappointed" with the court's ruling.

"The ITF also recognizes the potential implications of the CAS decision with respect to future decisions and will discuss these with WADA," he said.

The 23-year-old Gasquet served a 2 1/2-month suspension before an independent ITF tribunal cleared him to resume his career in July. It ruled he was not to blame because the woman -- identified only as "Pamela" -- contaminated him with cocaine.

CAS said that ban should not count as a doping offense on Gasquet's record, even though he had not appealed against it.

No word on what this means for Reeshie financially, seeing as how the original suspension forced him off the court for quite some time.  But I'm sure he's just happy to be cleared.

In other WADA/ITF news, Yanina Wickmayer was cleared to accept a wildcard into Auckland, which she did. 

FD 09 Year In Review: Sweet.

Going into NYC, we all but handed the trophies to Fed and Serena.  Everyone seemed to be struggling but them.  Boy, am I glad we were wrong.

• "Bright lights will inspire you..."
• Rafa was adorbz.
• Shirtless boys.  And JJ. 
• Yes, Dinara was at the US Open.  
• Big Sasha!  
• Ah, the media blitz that is the USO.
• At least it wasn't Dance Off, Pants Off.
• I still giggle at this.
• The stalkerazzi hit the USO.
• People were worried about Ana.  Justifiably so.
• Seriously you guys, she don't care.
• Pic'n at the USO.
• The drama, it started early.
• Tee-BOW!
• There's still hope, you guys.
• Let's just say it.  Dinara was HORRIBLE.
• Ana finally laid it all out there.
• Sanowa!
• Stella drops MaKiri and low and behold, she starts winning.  Oh, tennis.
• "With legs wide open..."
• But before he leaves, Marat's got something he needs to say.  And so does Momes.
• Augh, fuck you, Vania.
• Oh, Cones.
• Mono broke her va-JJ.  Speaking of JJs...
• Believe It, America.
• Scheisse.
• Forza!
• A few weeks after losing to Sammy Q and getting dusted by Elf twice, A Rod falls to Halpert. 
• Maria gives my favorite quote of the year.
• All was not well in Rafa Land.  But he did recapture #2 and got some man-love.
• Holy crap.  Start the bandwagon.
• Flavs vs. Bepa.  Yup.  
• Nole does good by NYC.
• C Note sad.
• Yanina Wickmayer, ladies and gentlemen.
• Pretty is as pretty does.
• The USTA did what it does best: fucks shit up.
• *#$)(@$)#@(#&(@*Y!!!!!!  
• "It's too late to apologize....it's too late...."
• Welcome to the big boys, Juan.  No really, WELCOME.  You even made it on Best Week Ever!
• Rule Brittania!
• My ovaries hurted.

Thank you New York for ending the Slam season with warm and fuzzies.  We needed that.

FD 09 Year In Review: Let's Get Hard

After a few more stops in Europe, we were off to North America for the US Open Series.  And really, it was nutty, especially on the WTA side.  But what else is new?

• The USO marketing machine kicked into gear.
• Bromance Round 2 commenced.  Davis Cup just never sucks. Ever.
• Ana started WAGging.  Badly.
• Sania got engaged.
• Rajeev!
• James Blake is wise.
• Reeshard was cleared and we were introduced to Pam.
• Portoroz was awesome.  Oh well.
• Flavia started warming up.
• Jeremy was cutes.
• Sybille Bammer won a title.  SYBILLE BAMMER.
• Au revoir to the always classy Nathalie Dechy.
• Mirka popped.
• You can't hear me, but I'm making helicopter noises. Also, hee.
• More embedded reporting, this time from Mrs. Saifn in LA.  And her presence clearly inspired Marat.
• AKO ran into a fence and was out for the year.
• The Samurai became a real thing.
• Ana said goodbye to Scotty B and his mandals.
• Dani was winning in Palo Alto.  And I was happy.
• I caught some live tennis at my "home tourney".
• Not sure what was the best part of the cat fighting between JJ and Mono: The hilarity or the irrelevance. Oh and you know what happens when JJ starts popping off: Everyone jumps on.
• Sam Sacked Serena in Stanford.  And Mono pulled off quite the upset.
• Embedded reporting from DC, courtesy of Romana.
• Easily the most anticipated match that was never aired on TV.
• Ana and Dina tried to fuck my LA vacation.  But they failed.  I had a blast in LA, thanks to Victoria, Katie, and Mrs. Saifn.
• Mrs. Saifn and I commit Grand Theft Dina.
• Elf began his pwnage of A-Rod.
• Kimmy returned.  And she did ok for herself.
• YES.
• Marat finally started acting like a big brother.  And we all swooned.
• Dina's #1 fan needs to be at every tournament.
• And introducing, the Coconut.
• I'm Famous!
• Ana's career came full circle.
• Rafa returned.
• Flavs kept on truckin'.
• Sybille Bammer.  SYBILLE BAMMER.
• Whoa, remember this crazy match?
• Delpo made a statement.
• The Coconut looked like she was back on track.  Nope.
• Muzz finally captures #2.  And I'm the only one who's happy about it.
• K Bond.  Write it down.
• FeVer!
• The FD Stalkerazzi descended on Toronto.
• Toronto got crazy.
• A Rod continued to kind of suck after Wimbly.
• Fed welcomes Andy to the fold and Nole welcomes Rafa back.
• Just when I was totally over Lena she makes a run.  Whatever.
• Happy Birthday, Brodie.
• The girls go to New Haven.
• Mo Mo, please.

And with that, off to NYC.

Stanley The Married Manley

Congrats to Stanley, who looked amazingly cool as he married his beautiful girlfriend, Ilham Vuilloud in a small private ceremony in Lausanne, Switzerland.

I have to say, that dress is awesome.  She looks great.  And I love the open collar on Stan.

Pic This: Awww...She's Adorbz.

Entertain Me!

Interesting Q&A with WTA CEO Stacy Allaster.  And props to TW buddy and former FD commenter, Master Ace:

4. The road map was indeed a success especially after Wimbledon. However, I have heard that players and fans complained that the Premier 5 and Mandatory events were too close together. Will the WTA consider separating them by putting a Premier tournament or have an off week between them?
--Master Ace, Birmingham, Ala.

Thanks for your question, Master Ace. The 2009 calendar was the result of a collaborative effort between the Tour and our players. We worked closely with the Players' Council and our players and reviewed more than five years of Top 10 player playing patterns. Together with the players we determined that the athletes want to play two to three weeks prior to a Grand Slam and because of that, we scheduled our commitment tournaments (such as Mandatory and Premier 5 events) with context to the athletes' competitive needs. During our discussions with the Players' Council, we brought the back-to-back scheduling of Indian Wells and Miami tournaments up for discussion. Our players decided that they wanted to play those two tournaments back-to-back without a break in between.

The Tour also examined two back-to-back scenarios at Rome/Madrid and Tokyo/Beijing. In order to provide sufficient rest and travel time for those players that go deep at Rome or Tokyo, the Tour introduced "performance byes", meaning that the semifinalists of the first tournament (Rome and Tokyo) receive a first round "bye" for the second week (Madrid and Beijing). This gives our players additional time for travel and rest.

Finally, as we move forward, we will continue to closely track the data to ensure that we stage the right events during the right dates. The Tour is committed to maximizing our players' health and well-being in order to ensure that we consistently deliver our top player fields to our top tournament. I can also tell you that in 2011, we will flip the schedules of Rome and Madrid, so that Madrid comes first. This will make a difference as Madrid's draw is larger, at 64 players, vs. Rome's 56. Having a bigger tournament such as Madrid precede Rome will give our athletes additional days to rest and recover in between these events, particularly as they prepare for Roland Garros.

6. What other sports executives do you admire most?

I greatly admire the commissioner of the NBA, David Stern, because he was one of the first people in sports to understand the value of entertainment. The NBA has taken on a role of a leader in being a fan-centric brand worldwide. David is a great visionary and a trailblazer who has changed how we view sports in general.

7. What is the state of the sponsorship deal with Sony Ericsson and a possible replacement?

We are currently in discussions with Sony Ericsson. Our sponsorship has provided excellent return on investment for Sony Ericsson and we remain cautiously optimistic of a renewal and expect a decision in the near future. If Sony Ericsson were to not continue as a global sponsor of the Tour after 2010, given the strength and quality of the women's tennis product, I am confident that we would find a replacement. That said, I am of course hopeful that Sony Ericsson will want to continue and working with Sony Ericsson remains our priority.

8. What are your main objectives for 2010?

As CEO, I'm determined to deliver to our fans and business partners and continue the effective work with our tournaments in order to manage our business through the challenging global economy. The financial stability of our sport is my main priority. As I look ahead, our main objectives for 2010 and thereafter include continuing with the success of the roadmap, building our brand and the sport in China, expanding and enhancing the Tour's digital platforms, and most importantly, focusing on the fan experience, delivering to our investors, and ensuring the overall health of our players.

I think it's interesting that she admires David Stern for his understanding of sports as entertainment.  If that's something she values it could lead to either some horrific changes to tennis (i.e., on-court coaching) or more focus on marketing, which I think could be a good thing.  I like that she's thinking about ways to expand the WTA's use of digital media.  Welcome to the 21st century, WTA!

Have A Rad Christmas

The Rads had a great time shopping for needy families over the holidays.

Very cool of them.

Even if Agi was thoroughly confused.

Someone's Been Listening To A Lot of Rihanna In The Off-Season

Pete visits with JJ at Bollitieris.  Nothing new or particularly availing.  Maybe it would have been a more informative article if he didn't spend two paragraphs leering.

Anyway, I'm really interested to see how JJ does in Australia.  There's no reason she shouldn't be making the quarterfinals of every tournament she enters.  I mean that.

Back To Sherbet

 

Rafa's AO Kit.  It's...colorful.

Again, I withhold judgment until I see it on Rafa.

The hoodies are cute:

 

This Is...Not a Good Look.

Fer's AO Kit.  Um...oh well.

More pics here.

FD 09 Year In Review: Green With Envy

Wimbledon is not my favorite tournament.  I love London, I love the pomp and circumstance at Wimbledon, but I hate hate hate grass court tennis.  And to top it all off, my favorite players never do well at SW19.  This year would be no exception.

• It's not you, it's me.
• The Muzz Machine picked up, whether any of us (or him) wanted it to or not. 
• Jesus, you guys.  I really had no idea how Twilighty I was being.
• It's a long tennis season.  Players were falling apart.
• Remember when Sania beat AKO and Pavs on grass?  It happened.
• I dare say this is the last time you'll see Fred Perry on the hallowed grounds of Wimbledon.
• The WTA kept putting together awesome YouTube content.
• Mixed doubles 2012.  Bring it on.
• Dina keeps earning respect.
• The Glitter Queen slipped into a coma.  No word on when she'll be back.
• In case you haven't heard...
• Greg Garber of ESPN picks Mario Ancic to win Wimbly.  And my confidence as a blogger soars.
• There's this recurring show in SF, Golden Girls in Drag.  This reminds me of that.
• You'll have to forgive me if I completely forgot Dima won a title this year.
• AHHHHHHH!!! FORGOT ABOUT THESE!!!
• Rafa withdraws from Wimbly.  And I try very hard to remain interested.
• And to think, the jacket wasn't the worst part.
• Well, she *did* make it past the second round.  So...
• My love affair with L. Rob continued.
• Serena sought Russian citizenship.
• Fed's mooseknuckle is awesome.
• JJ may or may not have been taking advice from this guy.
• The British press decide to tear into AKO.  Fuckers.
• Pretty pictures on grass.  Love it.
• Olivia takes out Masha and the Believe Train starts to pick up steam....
• Rules.  They confuse Serena.
• I finally fully embraced my Muzz love, much to the chagrin of others.
• In defense of the "boring ones".
• Not sure Pam has sobered up since this video.
• Stella dumped Kiri for Caro.
• Ana Scott.
• Ivo won, danced, and showed Jo the door.
• Mono had one of the more epic collapses of the year.
• JJ bled from her JJ.
• Boom Boom Pow.
• Dina and Momes brought the roof down.
• Muzz and Stan play an epic one into the night.
• Serena was en fuego.
• Sorry, Fed and Andy.  Yours wasn't even the match of the tournament.
• Of Mice and Men, WTA style.
• Kim vs. Brooks.  Andy vs. Andy.
• Serena takes it.
• Fed won.  And I was respectful.  Until I wasn't.
• And everyone threw some condescending love A-Rod's way.

Next up: U-S-A!  U-S-A!

Pic This: Oh, Sara. You Make Me Laugh.

Team Italia celebrating their Fed Cup win in Italy.

 

Sara looks like she literally just came from a poker game.

The Bracket Buster Returns

Nalby is playing a number of exos in South America to test how his surgically repaired hip is doing.  So far so good.  He beat Gaudio and Massu and he's set to play next week in Buenos Aires.

We need a healthy Nalby.  I miss playing "So, which Nalby will we get this week?"  It's a fun game and 10 out of 10 times, I'm wrong.

Suspension of Suspense

Don't book your tickets to Australia just yet, but a Belgian court has supended the one year bans handed down to Yanina Wickmayer and Xavier Malisse.  Wicks has been offered a wildcard into Auckland and she's waiting official word that she'll be permitted to play.

It's unclear what the basis of the overrule is.  I'm genuinely curious.

Pic This: Team Jacob

This whole Vika on Twitter thing is going to be awesome.

Donkey Says...Novak Djokovic

"Oh Yes-le. Was there ever any doubt?  You are the perfect combination of hot, funny, and intense when you need to be. You are the reason I started reading C Note's blog and obsessively Googling tennis players. You are the reason I called up Comcast to add a subscription for the Tennis Channel. You are the reason I started looking for legal positions in Belgrade. One word from you, and I would pick up and move to Monaco so we can settle down and have our nanny raise the children I plan to make with you with vigor. Thanks to all the FDers who put up with what amounted to a week long blogging equivalent of a photo bomb. You can come back now, TO." -- DG

Couldn't say it better than that.  So enjoy the photo essay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Donkey.

PS -- New Moon this week?

Donkey Says...Fernando Verdasco

"I'm given to understand that Fer can be a polarizing figure around Forty Deuce land.  To that I say: I don't care.  It's my birthday.  This dude was singlehandedly (and other parts) responsible for the most depraved, filthy, and pornographic dream I've had in recent memory.  It was a tough call to put him as only my penultimate choice.  Some may scoff.  But, put simply and bluntly, I want nothing more than for Nando to blow my back out.  (PS.  He fucked Ana.  HARD.)" --DG

I can vouch for her dream. 

I woke up to a series of very concerned Gchat messages about said depravity.

Here's the thing about Fernando.  There are a lot of tennis players who are hot "for tennis players".  And then there's a small subset of guys who are just plain hot.  Like, hot in a if they walked into a bar you would stop mid-sentence and stare.  Fernando is one of those guys.

I saw him at Indian Wells, during a time where really, I kind of hated him.  And let me just say he smells really good.  And his body?  You cannot not look at it.  More than any other player (and this includes Marat, Janko, and Simone) I would stop and watch Fer practice just to watch his shirtless sweaty body move. 

 

The guy is sex.  He's the sex that you're totally ashamed that you want but you so fucking would. 

On the floor of a dirty bathroom with a bag over your head.  You would.

 

 

That noise you hear?  Yeah, that's DG. 

FD 09 Year In Review: A Melancholy May

It's so odd to read the recap of the first quarter of the season and know what we know now.  Roland Garros, was...crazy.  Like seriously insane.

• Gilles does his best Alexander Rybak impression.
• Rafa and Ana continued their adorable blind puppy dog flirtation.
• Pretty much sums up Ana's season.
• This might have been Tati's only 2009 appearance on FD.
• Tennis Channel does a solid and actually puts together a nice profile on Dina, the Rads, and Boots.
• Oh, Flavi, no.
• Carrie foreshadows an "alternate universe".
• Jo played dress up.
• RG always gives us pretty pictures.  
• The Gypsy gives Tracy Jordan-like pressers.
• Dina opened up a bakery in Paris.
• Paris said goodbye to Marat and Fabrice.  
• Maria fought and clawed her way to the quarters.  And she reminded me why I love her.
• Karma's not a bitch, he's a fucking asshole.
• The French actually showed up in Paris.
• Agnes!
• Aravene foreshadows her general awesomeness.
• I submit my application for official Janko hand-job giver.
• Four!
• Huh.  Completely forgot this happened.
• Oh, Kolya.
• WORST.  DAY.  EVER.
• I was really busy at work during RG.  So Carrie stepped in.  And was thankfully sensitive.
• I coped with RafAna's double loss the only way I knew how.  Bonnie Tyler.
• I mean, seriously, RG was insane.
• It's fun to think "what if".  And by "fun" I mean "kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic."
• Baby Elf!
• People rooted for Sam.  Well, at least one person.  They're so adorable.
• Vika began a pattern.
• Jesus Christ.  Did I really need to be reminded that Domi made a Slam semifinal?
• But it was nice to be reminded of this.
• Mirka started using her wedding gifts.
• Dina got revenge.  And is a bit of a whore.
• And it was childhood buddies Dina and Sveta in the finals.  And Carrie and I were truly conflicted as to the result.  But we couldn't be happier for Sveta, who is awesome.
• Conflicted is the opposite of how I felt about the Men's final.  More like apathy.
• Fed won.  The Gods cried.

And thus we said goodbye to the whacked out clay season.  The best cure for that stressful shit?

Smoking some grass...

Donkey Says...Janko Tipsarevic

"Wonder how soft that hair would feel on the inside of my thighs as he pops his head up to quote me Nietzsche." --DG

I don't think I can really add anything to that.  So I'll just be quiet now.

 

 

Nomnomnom, you little cub.

New Swords

 

I always get really weirded out when players change racquets.  Usually they're just paintjobs, i.e., the same racquet with a new paint job, but even just the pain job changes the player's whole look. 

So buckle up because Fed and Elf are "upgrading".  I am so used to Fed's old K-Six-One.  This black/red/and gold number is tripping me out.

I do like Elf's new one though.  The black and yellow is dope.

Serena's Mad. And She's Not Gonna Take It Anymore.

As Victoria mentioned during this week's podcast, Serena made her opinions known regarding her $82,500 fine.  Not sure why she decided to make it at Globalgrind.com, but so be it. 

Here it is:

Hey Guys!

As the world seems to know or for those who don't I want to speak about my recently dubbed "outburst" and how I feel.

I have recently been fined by the Grand Slam Committee of the ITF (International Tennis Federation) over 82 thousand dollars for getting mad and using the "F-bomb" at a line Judge.

To clear things up FIRST I was NOT fined 82 thousand dollars. I was fined 92 thousand dollars! I paid 10 thousand dollars on site immediately after the U. S. Open.  So for the record, I was fined $92,000 not $82,000! The biggest fine EVER in tennis.

Also for all those that don't know, I felt incredibly bad, and miserable for losing my cool, and most importantly not representing the person I really am spiritually and the role model I want to be to my young fans.  I have been a very feisty player all my life, but when the time came for me to be calm and cool, I did not exercise a mild temper. How I regret not being a better role model and person to all of my fans. I apologized to my fans and even wrote a personal letter to the lines woman with my apologies. She understood as she often witnesses this as it is not uncommon in my sport, or any other sport. She was extremely supportive and said that she did not think any further actions should be taken against me.

A few years ago in a most important match being watched my millions; I was blatantly cheated and robbed of a US Open title by yet another official. I was again on the wrong side of not one or two, but several other bad calls. This incident however changed tennis. Because of what was incorrectly done to me, the whole sport of tennis adapted new technology for a player to challenge the calls lines persons make if the player feels they were wronged.  I was expected to take solace in the fact even though I lost the U.S Open title (a dream I've been working for since I was 2 years old).  At least others won't be wronged in the future.  I am always happy for the next person. I always am.  I received apologies from the USTA, the Lines Official, and the Head of the US Open. However I don't recall EVER receiving a note, a phone call, a letter even a text from anyone at the Grand Slam Committee ITF apologizing about the wrong and disastrous call one of THEIR officials made.

When I was a teenager I was booed by an entire packed stadium at Indian Wells. In my new book "On the line" I talk about how I remember crying on every changeover in the towel. Praying and wishing I could lose and the match would just be done with.  When the match was over I thanked the crowd those that cheered for me, and even those that did not. Looking back I am still amazed how I remained so calm and positive, and even managed to come out on top.

The fact is every professional athlete gets wronged in one way or another. And every athlete gets upset. We have been working, sacrificing, missing out on numerous things, things we will never get back or experience for the sake of our careers.  For the sake of that one moment in time where we have a chance to shine through.

Imagine for 20 years working day in, day out, sacrificing on countless things to get this job, that will make all your hard work and endless efforts worthwhile.  Try to imagine having that promotion in one moment being taken away from you because of a slight over sight, by someone overseeing your work.  20 years gone away. Time to start over, dust yourself off and try again. You work harder make positive changes. It happens again. 

"Dust yourself off" you say. "Try again"

You do just that. You work even harder than before, spend longer hours. Then it happens yet again. Another slight oversight.

Well this is what happened to me, and to be honest I believe I reached my boiling point. After yet ANOTHER wrong call I began to wonder- Was I being "overlooked" or wrongly judged on purpose!??? Is this being done to keep me from achieving my best? Why does this keep happening at the same place?
 
Throughout my career I have remained calm. But I guess I finally reached my breaking point. A point I should have never allowed myself to get to.  Everything seemed to have surfaced. As you know, losing my cool cost me over 92 thousand dollars.  92 thousand dollars!  This is more than most people make in a year.  92 thousand dollars!  Answer this: Why is it another player who also lost HIS cool not to a line judge - like I did - but to the main officiating judge- using the same "f word" why was HE only fined 10 thousand dollars.  Was what I did 10 times worse than what he did?!

There is another HE who was fined less than half of what I was fined after someone in his camp actually physically ATTACKED an official!!!!

What about the famous HE who made arguing with officials "cool". Cool for "MEN" I guess.
Is it because they are all HE's and not a SHE like me?

It is indeed a massive difference. Being American I guess the 1st amendment, freedom of speech, does not apply to a SHE in this case?  In any event the Grand Slam Committee, ITF and its staff did not hesitate to call, send a note, text, nor write letters after this incident.  Ironic is it not?

I don't mind being fined. If I did wrong I accept the repercussions. All I ask for is to be treated equal.
 
When I was fined the 92K, I asked to see if I could donate some of it to different schools, and programs I'm involved in.  My request was denied.  So, I decided to match the fine by raising money and donating an additional 92K to my 2nd school that I am opening up in Africa, as well as to schools that I am helping here in the United States.  I also want to educate women about what I learned from this whole experience. How we as women are still treated as less than equal.  I am going to turn this 92K into a positive!!!  And I have decided to call it Serena's 92K mission!!! Go to Serenawilliams.com to learn more about my 92K mission.

Serena needed to vent.  That's fine.  And yes, there is merit to some of the comparisons she's making with the guys.  But you'll have to excuse me if I don't feel sorry for Serena being fined $92k when she made over $24 million dollars this year.  As Matt Cronin pointed out, Jeff Tarango's fine as a result of arguing with an umpire and defaulting a match was a greater percentage of his annual earnings than hers.  And, in case she forgets, he was subsequently banned from Wimbledon.  So it's not like he got off easy.

As for her comparison to other male players' behavior being tolerated, yes, I think there is truth to that and an element of sexism does exist.  But again, she brandished her racquet at a line judge and threatened physical violence.  That is a far cry from Fed dropping the "F-bomb" in a discussion with the umpire, A-Rod telling an umpire to speak English, or Marat screaming and yelling.  If she can't see the difference there, I don't know what to tell her.  The fact that she thinks that she was fined for "getting mad and using the "F-bomb" at a line Judge" shows her lack of understanding of what she did.

You did not get fined for losing your temper, Serena.  And you did not get fined for saying "fuck".  You got fined for brandishing your racquet at the line judge and telling her that you would shove a tennis ball down her throat.  And you swore to God that you would.  Last time I checked, you were a Jehovah's Witness.  So...that last part had to mean something, no?

With Age, Comes Wisdom

Dinara withdraws from Brisbane, citing her back injury. 

I think I speak for the Dina Nation when I say: othankGod.

FD 09 Year In Review: Dirt Ballin Through The Gates Of Hell

 

 It was back to Europe for the clay lead-up to Paris.  Rafa tore through the clay, as expected, Nole loosened, up, Andy rose to #3, Fed got married, and the WTA was still nutty, though Dinara began to regain her mojo and play like the #1.

• ZOMG!  Joey Porter!
• We all had the pleasure of the Andalucia Experience.  Well...not all of us.  That's right.  Dinara finally got the carrot.  Little did she know it was actually a dagger.
• Sigh.  The good ol days.
• Pfew.  See?  I *am* qualified to talk about tennis.
• Fed finally put a ring on it.  I mean, really, he put a lot of rings on it.  But he finally...oh whatever.  You know the song.
• Copycat.
• I started dropping New Moon references.  You all can blame your beloved donkeygrooming for all of this Twilight crap.  I know I do.  Every day.
• Nole starts to relax and be normal again. And it was awesome.  Accordingly, he started winning matches.  And losing.  But winning!  But really, losing.
• Rafa kept winning.  And being...Rafa.  And then he didn't.
• Love.
• Na Li holds ancient Chinese secret.
• I started freaking out over Flavs.
• Sabine started racking up scalps.
• Hey look!  Tiger!
• Bepa's season got twisted, in a very bad way.
• No on H8!  Legalize gay marriage!
• I am quickly realizing I need to put together a Serena's Greatest Hits, Air Quotes Edition.
• Oh, my.
• The Frenchies kind of stunk it up this year.  But that didn't mean they sucked.
• Fed Cup fun!  And then...shit got real.  Real fast.
• WTA Top Model hits to Europe.
• The fall of Viko began. 
• The WTA kept fucking with Nads.
• Whoa.  Remember when Rafa dusted Sod 61 60 on clay?  Yeah, me neither.
• Muzz rose to #3.  Not that Fed cared.
• Serena was on HSN.  And it was exactly what you thought it'd be.
• Slap Chop!
• A legendary piece of performance art is born.
• THE GREATEST DAY EVER.
• And Pam strikes.
• Now we know why Serena's all up in arms over her US Open fine.
• Coach K speaks.
• Everyone and their mother takes a swipe at Dina being #1.  Except for Bryan Armen Graham.  And I love him for it.  Almost as much as I love Kamakshi.  And Pete tried acid for the first time and it was good.  But then he sobered up.
• Agnes showed a glimmer of hope.
• We said goodbye to Nalby for the year.
• Totally forgot Amelie made the semis of Madrid, beating Lena along the way.  Good girl.
• Trophy Ceremony of the Year.
• Return of the Mash.  I was happy.  Because, screw the haters, she's awesome.
• And Dina went into RG on the highest of highs.  Oh dear...

On to Paris!

Kolya Wins At Life.

That is all.

Novak. Ana. Serbia FTW.

 
The International Olympic Committee has added mixed doubles to the Olympics in 2012.

That noise you hear is me screaming and doing the dance of joy.  This is basically Hopman Cup if people actually took it seriously.  Amazing.

Who do you want to see team up?

Donkey Says...Marat Safin

I asked DG for a quote for Marat.  She sent me this.

Alrighty then.

Then she sent me this:

Either way, there's a running theme.

There's nothing to say, really. 

There are men.  And then there are MEN.  And then there's Marat. 

I have scoured the web trying to find the best Marat pics and the one thing I've learned is that every single one makes you gasp a little. 

 

In your pants.

 

 

 

There will never ever be another one like him. 

 

The perfect combination of looks, charm, and game.

 

 

I just don't think there will be another guy who is so universally lusted after by the ladies.

 

 

I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly

Pic This: [Insert Resigned Sigh]

"Nope. Rainbows, Puppies, and Unicorns."

On this week's podcast...well, shit got real.  We wrapped up the Davis Cup action and gave out our "awards" to the ATP.  But somewhere along the line we became obsessed with Baby E's sex life.  Well, three of us did.  Lexi, as per usual, kept it classy.

Oh, and we introduce Katie's Korner.  Aaaaaaaaand it pretty much RULEZ.

FD Podcast #10: Sex on Fire

UPDATED: In response to all your email/Facebook/Twitter messages:  Katie is Victoria's girlfriend. 

Donkey Says...Rafael Nadal

 

"I can tell you what I'm going to do with all that junk, all that junk inside his trunk."

"Bite it." -- DG

That "famous ass"...

The biceps...

That chest.

There's a lot to love with Rafa.

Sigh.