Forty Deuce

The One. The Only. Serena.

In case you missed the pretty hilarious news, Serena's going to featured in a Tampax tampon campaign.  Apparently the ads were in the works before her totally non-PMSy outburst at the USO.  I mean, there's *no way* anyone could crack a PMS joke there, could they?  Could they?

God, I would have loved to have been in the conference room with the ad guys when Serena went all mensal.  Either it was the best thing that could have happened to them, or the worse.  Either way, it's the joke that just keeps on giving.

"I will shove this fucking tampon up your fucking vag!  I swear to God!  You do not know me."  Classic.

The Voice Of Evil

Hee. The cheer itself is really what cracks me up. Sounds like something my six year old cousin would make up. "I'm #1. I'm the best. Because I'm #1. I'm not #2. #2 eats poo. I'm #1."

"Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better..."

Oh, like this is a shock.

Justine's apparently coming back, y'all.  She's going to announce it on Tuesday and word is that Carlos will, once again, be by her side.  So the woman who introduced the "ZOMG I HAVE TO LOOK AT MY COACH ALL THE TIME" winning technique that Dinara has now perfected will back on the circuit in 2010.  Boy, Australia's gonna be something.  Tom Perrotta's got some interesting thoughts on why it'll be harder for her to come back as compared to Kim.

Can we really be all that surprised by this?  I think it's actually funny that Kim's USO win, at least for me, totally takes the wind out of the sails of Justine's announcement.  Though I've had mad respect for her, I've never been a Justine fan.  So I'm pretty apathetic towards this whole thing. 

Well, that's not true.  I'm not apathetic.  I'm affirmatively sad.  Because who knows if we'll ever get this stuff again:

Pic This: While I Was Sleeping

Trust me, I'm still recovering, and thanks for all the well wishes.  That was very sweet.  I got a good amount of sleep this weekend, primarily by finding streams of the Switzerland tie.  That was really helpful.  But clearly I ended up in some drug induced daze (or perhaps watching Fed play Davis Cup put me into a uberdeep level of REM sleep that I've never experienced) because I had some crazy wacked out dreams that I can't make heads or tails of.

I found myself mildly attracted to Nicolas "Please put a bag over your face" MasWho.

I vaguely recall something about GB being relegated to Zonal.

I got warm fuzzies as Team Serbia avoided relegation as Nole cheered on. 

I had fits of euphoria as France got all brohuggy to win their tie.

In a fit of...well...I don't know what, FeLo tried to repeatedly rape JCF

He would not be denied.

And then he tried to rub his junk all over Daveed...

And hump Tommy.  The dude's got a lot of love.

And Tomas was zadorable in the Czech Republic's huge win 3-0 win over Croatia.

And then I woke up...

I want my sleepy back.

Programming Alert: I Tired.

Apologies for the lack of posting this week.  But between my US Open hangover, work insanity, and sleeping an average of 2 hours this week, uh...I kinda didn't have much time.

But I promise to make it up to you with a plethora of pictures of Shirtless Steps. 

Buckle up.

Pic This: Snausages!

God I love Davis Cup.

No really.

Augh.  Buzzkill.

You're pretty.  

 I am so digging on Tomas' cheddar.  Did he get a haircut?

So looking at this picture is pretty much my own personal hell.

I don't give a shit what you said.

Sausage Ties

This is the stuff dreams are made.   Well, at least C Note dreams.

World Group Semis

Spain vs. Israel

Friday Day 1: 1200 hrs (1000 hrs GMT)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Harel Levy (ISR)
Juan Carlos Ferrero (ESP) v Dudi Sela (ISR)

Saturday Day 2: 1500 hrs (1300 hrs GMT)
Feliciano Lopez/Tommy Robredo (ESP) v Jonathan Erlich/Andy Ram (ISR)

Sunday Day 3: 1200 hrs (1000 hrs GMT)
David Ferrer (ESP) v Dudi Sela (ISR)
Juan Carlos Ferrero (ESP) v Harel Levy (ISR)

Croatia vs. Czech Republic

Friday Day 1: 1400 hrs (1200 hrs GMT)
Ivo Karlovic (CRO) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)
Marin Cilic (CRO) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)

Saturday Day 2: 1500 hrs (1300 hrs GMT)
Roko Karanusic/Lovro Zovko (CRO) v Lukas Dlouhy/Jan Hajek (CZE)

Sunday Day 3: 1300 hrs (1100 hrs GMT)
Marin Cilic (CRO) v Radek Stepanek (CZE)
Ivo Karlovic (CRO) v Tomas Berdych (CZE)

World Group Playoff ties after the jump.

Pic This: Puff, Puff, Pass.

I...don't know what's going on here.

Pic This: Back. Away. Slowly.

She will fucking shove them down your fucking throat, Donnie. 

Swear to God.  You do not know her.

Pic This: Homecoming King and Queen

I want one!

 

Huh.  That trophy looks different in the light.

 

Kimmy rocking her Mommy Traveler chic look. 

2 seconds after this was taken Justine pulled a Natalie from Love Actually.

Yeah, it brought a tear.

An Antidote

Nice USO wrap-up from Steve Tignor.  I particularly liked his take on Elf and Kim:

The woman sitting next to me, who was coming from somewhere else, said, “Did you see del Potro?”

“Yes, I saw him.”

“I liked to watch him when he won,” she said, and put her hands over her face to imitate his emotional reaction after the final point. She had hit it: That was why I wanted to see more tennis, to see that emotion and relief that only a player who has won his first major can conjure. It doesn’t happen all that often nowadays, which only made the last moments of yesterday’s final that much more exhilarating. Thanks for sharing it with us, DP.

...

While I’m surprised she beat both Williams sisters and went all the way so soon, I knew she would bounce back with no trouble. As with Jennifer Capriati in her comeback at the start of the decade, if you can hit big and through the court on the women’s tour, you always have a chance. Kim can do that, and she can move with a gymnast’s sure-footedness—she seemed to enjoy scaling the wall to get to her husband after the final as much as anything she did on court. More important, she put a smile back on the face of women’s tennis a day after Serena had scowled her way out of the tournament. The trophy ceremony was a love fest and a big welcome back for a favorite of everyone involved in the sport. Her daughter danced, Mary Jo gave her a hug, and the guy crying next to her husband was John Dolan, a WTA pr guy who has had more than his fill of pro egos, but who couldn’t help but become a friend of Kim’s. Would she have beaten Serena anyway? It’s not a lock, given Williams’ history of returns from the dead. But Clijsters deserved the win anyway. You should get something for not dropping an f-bomb at a line judge, shouldn’t you?

Nice.

Soviet Bloc Citizenship Rules, With Yaroslava Shvedova

Can't believe I missed this the first time.  Yaroslava Shvedova, who was born in Russia, on her Kazakhstani citizenship:

Q. When did you move to Kazakhstan?
YAROSLAVA SHVEDOVA: I was thinking like last year, like to move somewhere because I was like coming up and start to improving my game. In Russia was difficult to practice, difficult, because I was like 15 in the country in the WTA ranking, and it was like Federation didn't help. I don't have opportunity to play Fed Cups, maybe Olympics.
Kazakhstan like came to me and ask me if I want to represent Kazakhstan. I said, Yeah, why not? Because I always wanted to represent a country and play Olympics, play Fed Cups, because I love team competitions. And I was like so happy for my change.

Q. Do you have ties to Kazakhstan otherwise? Do you have a connection to Kazakhstan before?
YAROSLAVA SHVEDOVA: No. Because I born in USSR, it was one country before. They have like international rule when country splits, it's mean like if you born in previous country, you become like resident of each parts was split, and you can change your passport.
Because I born in Moscow, I just become Russian. So I had the chance to change once, like Likhovtseva, she was born in Kazakhstan, she changed her passport to Russian. It was like before.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm so amused by this.  So it goes.

Honey, You're Not A Cowboy. Arms To Your Sides, Please.

Love the Jock Walk.

Curling? Not Sexy? Surely You Jest.

As was discussed extensively during yesterday's podcast, I'm still waiting on the post on "Champagne Kim's" win by Pete Bodo.  But in the meantime: His post on Kimmy' retirement, four years ago.

When I first saw Clijsters, I groaned. I thought: very good athlete, excellent movement for a girl so thickly built, a game with roughly the same degree of sex appeal as curling, but without the wacky bits that make curling fun to watch for 30 seconds. She might have moved me off my position if she had showed some heart and drive, won me over with her competitive character, but as time went on it became apparent to me that she was one of the least inspired players I've ever watched.

So...you're saying you're not a fan.  Got it.

It's so perplexing.  I would hope that the good people of FD know that any ire I direct towards a player is completely in jest and really, for comedic storytelling purposes only.  I mean, what's the fun of a narrative without a villain, right?

But this post isn't trying to be funny.  It isn't poking fun.  It's just plain mean and unnecessarily judgmental.  Kim clearly, at some point in her career, must have taken a shit on Pete's head.  That's the only explanation for this level of disdain.  I wasn't even a Kim fan back in the day and I found it really uncomfortable to read.

It reeks of a guy who's been rejected by a girl and goes around telling everyone she was borderline retarded. 

Best Week Ever, Indeed.

So yesterday, while watching the final, I noticed Michelle Collins, Managing Editor for Best Week Ever was all of a sudden tweeting about tennis.  And that made me happy.  Because seriously, you guys, I LOVE HER.  You know what made me happier?  The fact that she was totally digging on Elf:

 

We exchanged a couple of additional tweets and then I tweeted her afterwards:

 

TaDa!  And she totally does the match justice:

But just who is this JMDelP character who would almost certainly be obliterated by the animatronic Federer? Measuring in a 6′6″ tall, he’s a handsome gentleman with a mature, well-bred face, sinewy caramel logs for arms, giant, Road Runner circle feet, and a determined will. Also, he’s only 20 years old, making this last sentence possibly illegal and worthy of a sex offenders registry. It became clear that rooting for this Argentinian wunderkind was the only way to go.

...

Watching this giant hot man child cry tears of exhaustion and joy was easily one of the most rewarding things this lil’ lady has ever witnessed. It was like the end of Rudy, only with a giant testosterone wolf-faced totem pole in place of the delicate Sean Astin.

Awesome.  Love it when non-tennis geeks see what I see.

Pic This: "One More Time."

Closer I Am To Fine

Pretty much can't wipe the smile off my face right now.

"Be Quiet."

Fed's getting a bit ornery with age.

Of course, we can't ignore the obvious...

Air Quotes: May I Suggest A Chocolate Peanut Cheesecake?

Q. You earned a lot of money today. How are you gonna use this? Are you gonna buy something to treat yourself?

JUAN MARTIN DEL POTRO: No, maybe cheesecake for my birthday.

The whole presser is win.

"Dildos Are For Assholes."

Apologies for the silence on the podcast front.  We actually did an extensive one during the Toronto/Cincy tournaments but technical issues rendered it useless.  

In an attempt to make it up to all you 5 podcast fans (and really, that's including the 4 of us), I now present you a Super Sized FD podcast, which wraps up the USO and looks forward to the end of the season.  

And seriously, that's an hour and a half of pure tennis analysis.  We were totally on topic this time. 

Well, except for the whole pink taco thing.  

FD Podcast 091409

FYI -- You can now listen to the podcasts from the page (click on the blue arrow) and subscribe to the FD podcast feed (look for the link on the upper right above my Twitter updates).  You can still download them by right clicking the link.

Pic This: USO Final Wrap Up

And so another USO in the books.  And the last chapter of this one was nothing but rainbows.

 

Acid trip rainbows.

 

Swear to God.  I'm gonna steal that kid.

 

It must be love.

Wheeeee!

For now.

 

Good girl.

 

I am taller than you.

Jailbreak!

 

Jesus.  Way too fucking cute.

 

Car!

 

Kids playing at the club in Tandil where DelPo used to play.  It's no swimming pool, but it'll do.

"My Trophyface, m-my Trophyface..."

Believe

Indeed.

 

Hours later and I still can't believe it actually happened, which is totally unfair to Elfie.  Here's a guy who has had a steady and workmanlike ascent through the rankings to reach #5.  He has gone from being the unfit teen who was reduced to tears by Andy Murray a couple of years ago and embarrassed by Roger Federer only 9 months ago, to being a guy who has taken the last three matches from Rafa on hard courts, pushed Fed to five sets on clay, beating A-Rod twice in a week, pushing Muzz in a tough three setter in Montreal, and dusting his way through the USO draw.

And yet despite all of that I, as well as everyone else (except perhaps one *very* happy British woman) completely wrote him off for the final.  No way this giant lug could beat the Maestro/The Federer/Rog.  Fed was on a tear and it just didn't seem like Elf's time quite yet.

 

And for the second day in a row I am absolutely ecstatic when I say this: I was wrong.

 

DelPo would continue the form that took out Rafa in straights into the final.  Except this time, when things got tight and he got down, he didn't throw up his hands and say "too good".  He kept fighting, sticking to his game plan (BIG FOREHAND), and playing within himself.  And as he did, he somehow wore down TMF and made him look...well...not so much TM.

 

It was a weird match all around for Roger.  His lights out serving, which had previously shown no signs of wobbling, all of a sudden wobbled.  Dude couldn't buy a first serve through the first few sets.  That combined double digit double faults at key moments, as well as DelPo's lethal returning, ultimately led to Fed barely spinning serves in the fifth set.  And once that serve went away, Fed looked concerned.  That last set was an AO 09 redux.  The forehand was flying all over the place and Fed looked frustrated.

 

So there you go.  One of the most improbable upsets in a damn long time.

 

I'm not going to pretend that the entire tennis world is happy about this result.  But no matter how cold your heart is, you can't ignore the feel-goodiness of this result.  

 

And if you're still pissy about it, I give you the children of Tandil.  Come on.

 

Welcome to the big leagues, dude.  You've earned it.

Congratulate The Motherfucker, Motherfuckers!

He served, he hit, he ran, he won, he cried.  He was everything we needed him to be:

He was better than Roger.

More on the win later, but feel free to revel in the gloriousness of this moment together in the comments.

That Sound You Hear.

Is the sound of Serena's sponsors' sabers rattling at 9am this morning.

Serena's new and improved "amended" statement:

Hey guys!!!

I want to amend my press statement of yesterday, and want to make it clear as possible - I want to sincerely apologize FIRST to the lines woman, Kim Clijsters, the USTA, and tennis fans everywhere for my inappropriate outburst.  I'm a woman of great pride, faith and integrity, and I admit when I'm wrong.

I need to make it clear to all young people that I handled myself inappropriately and it's not the way to act -- win or lose, good call or bad call in any sport, in any manner.

I like to lead by example. We all learn from experiences both good and bad.  I will learn and grow from this, and be a better person as a result.

Xxxx,

S

Nice to see you've really taken the time to think about this whole situation and let people move on.  Oh, except that there's no reason you couldn't have said this yesterday, you know, before the women's final was played so that we could all move on and simply celebrate the good stuff that came out of the USO.

Get.  Out.  Of the spotlight.  It's tacky as fuck.

In case you missed it, here was her original statement:

“Last night everyone could truly see the passion I have for my job.  Now that I have had time to gain my composure, I can see that while I don’t agree with the unfair line call, in the heat of battle I let my passion and emotion get the better of me and as a result handled the situation poorly. I would like to thank my fans and supporters for understanding that I am human and I look forward to continuing the journey, both professionally and personally, with you all as I move forward and grow from this experience.”

Can't wait to see Kanye's amended apology in about, oh, 16 hours.

Pic This: Jada's Still Got Her Game Face On

Kimmi cleans up well.  The glow from that trophy's gotta help.

It's cool, Jada.  It's over.  Relax!

That's going to make an awesome pacifier.

 

Awesome.

Fairytale In New York

Wow.  It happened.

Back when Kim was about to start her comeback I think I came out and pretty well said that anyone on the Kimmy bandwagon was crazy.  There was no way that she was going to be able to compete with these girls who hit harder, were stronger, were fitter, than the competition 4 years ago.

To quote Pam Shriver, "Boy, I have never been more happy to be wrong."

A lot is going to be said about what this means.  Fuck it.  You know what this means?  It means that Kim Clijsters went through a tough draw, beat both Williamses, used her awesome forehand and movement to break down her opponents and win her second Slam.  She's won 14 straight matches at the US Open.  This is a hell of an achievement from a women that everyone thought at some point was too nice to win *a* Slam, let alone two.  She was heady, competitive, and mature.  She deserves this and no one should take that away from her.  Put the asterisks away, assholes. 

Not that Kim's going to care.  She's got that bundle of awesome to come home to. 

Shit the pants, Jada.  You and your Mama earned it.

As for Caro, she acquitted herself well.  She didn't roll over for Kim and she has a lot to be proud of.  It still trips me out that she's the first out of that young set to get to Slam final.  I thought she handled the occasion well.  She could have easily pulled an Ana RG 07 and wigged out on that grand stage but she didn't.  Loved the beaming smiles from Papa and Mama Wozniacki, too.  They raised themselves a good multilingual one.

I'm really glad that these two women put a nice feel-good Coda on thi s tournament, which could have easily been marred by all the insanity of the past two weeks.  Great sportsmanship and respect between these two likeable players.

Awww.

Melty.

Air Quotes: Yeah...Crazy Game...I Guess...

"Well, I mean, I don't know. It's unfortunate, I guess. But she foot faults at 15‑30, I hit one through the legs. How crazy, you know, tennis goes sometimes."

-- Fed on Serena-Gate.

The Nole Conundrum

And .5 seconds later the world changed.  Apparently.

 

Ok, yes, it was a sweet shot.  But "the best shot I've hit in my life"?  I haven't even watched all that many Fed matches but I can count at least 20 shots that were more insane.  But whatever floats your dick, Fed.

 

As for Nole, he was *so* there.  He played well enough to put himself into position to take each set.  But I think this match highlights what I will call, The Nole Conundrum.

Novak cares about the crowd.  We all know that.  He wants to be loved and he wants to be cheered for.  And if this tournament will be known for anything other than 16, The Shot, The Abs, or The Failure, it will be known for Nole's Redemption.  He finally played with a smile on his face and with an eye towards entertaining the crowd.  No shame in any of that and I love him for all of it.

 

But we also know there's another side of Nole.  And that is the fiery, ultra competitive, I want to beat you badly and piss in your skull side.  In order for him to win Slams, he absolutely needs to let that dog out.  He has to scream, pound his chest, get that crazy "I'm gonna kill you" look in his eyes.  But he's so burned by what happened last year in the Roddick match that in these tight moments, against crowd faves like Fed, he refuses to let that guy take over. 

And to me, that was the difference in this match.  At the key moments Nole couldn't/wouldn't play with the necessary intensity.  And he refused to vocalize his intent and get into Fed's head.  His lack of fire made the match a foregone conclusion, despite the close scoreline.

I love Novak.  Always have.  And I'll continue to root for him in any match he plays (yes, even if it's against Rafa or Muzz).  But if he can't figure out how to solve his Jekyl/Hyde problem he'll never win another Slam, and that to me would make him a huge underachiever.

 

And so Fed gets a crack at 16 against Elfie tomorrow.  He hasn't lost at the USO in like, 3,000 days.  So let the suspense build accordingly.

Contrition. Look It Up.

Serena's official statement:

“Last night everyone could truly see the passion I have for my job.  Now that I have had time to gain my composure, I can see that while I don’t agree with the unfair line call, in the heat of battle I let my passion and emotion get the better of me and as a result handled the situation poorly. I would like to thank my fans and supporters for understanding that I am human and I look forward to continuing the journey, both professionally and personally, with you all as I move forward and grow from this experience.”

Is that supposed to be an apology?  I fully expected Serena to come out today and issue an apology.  This, combined with the pithy $10.5k fires me up.  I'm ready to move on but Jesus, your brand of crazy is something else, Serna.

I shall be returning my 46 copies of "On The Line" forthwith.

Oh, and here's the WTA's statement:

Serena Williams’ conduct last night was inappropriate and unprofessional.  No matter what the circumstances, no player should be allowed to engage in such behavior without suffering consequences.  I have spoken with the USTA about this matter and I agree with the action they have taken.

Serena is a great player who has done so much for our sport and I am certain she will continue to be a role model to millions of young women who want to play the game and excel as Serena has done.  As a role model, it's important for a leader like Serena to step forward and recognize her behavior last night was unacceptable, and I believe that her statement earlier today is an acknowledgement of her responsibility to her fans.

Gottta love how carefully worded that statement is.  Serena has no responsibility to her fans.  That's just stupid and completely irrelevant that she "acknowledged" whatever it is that's supposed to be.  What she does have is a responsibility to the sport she plays and to others involved in it.  She owes an apology to the lineswoman, plain and simple.  It's a damn shame that she doesn't seem to want to acknowledge that.

Pic This: And With That, My Soul Is Officially Dead

The things we do for our men.

Huh. I Always Thought It Was Bigger.

TennisReporters reports that Rafa's got a 15 millimeter abdominal tear.  He's out for a month.

Move Over L-Rob

Congrats to not-Laura-Robson-Brit Heather Watson for taking the Girls' singles title with a 64 61 win.

 

She and her mom were pretty adorable.  She's the first British girl to win the USO championship.  Muzzard won the boys' title here 5 years ago.  Good stuff and something to be excited about across the pond.

 

As for the boys, chalk one up for Atomic, who beat American Chase Buchanan, 61 63, for the title.

Crushed

62 62 62.

Wow.  That wasn't a match.  That was a performance.

 

I'm not convinced that healthy knees or abs would have changed much of this result.  This was a straight set dominating victory any way you slice it.  Elf served well, hit big, and ran Rafa absolutely ragged.  And Rafa had no solution.  Elf successfully pulled Rafa wide with his serve so many times and Rafa couldn't do anything about it.

 

Well done, Elfie.  Now do me a favor and actually back this shit up tomorrow.  Something tells me...you won't.

Wow. Fuck You.

You have got to be kidding me.  The women's final is being aired on ESPN2.  Not CBS, ESPN2.

Please allow me to collect my thoughts before I tear anyone and everyone involved in this decision a new one.

Sunday OOP

Arthur Ashe (12:00)

1. Men's Semifinals
Rafael Nadal vs. Juan Martin Del Potro
2. Men's Semifinals
Roger Federer vs. Novak Djokovic (NB 16:30)
3. Women's Final
Kim Clijsters vs. Caroline Wozniacki

Louis Armstrong (12:00)
1. Women's Doubles - Semifinals
Samantha Stosur/Rennae Stubbs v. Cara Black/Liezel Huber (To Finish 7-5)
2. Men's Doubles - Finals (NB 14:30)
Lukas Dlouhy/Leander Paes v. Mahesh Bhupathi/Mark Knowles

Oh Yeah. There Are Three Other Guys.

Remember Miami? 

 

Well the #1 and #2 boys are going to try to forget it, I'm sure. 

Rafa's dropped his last two matches against Elf, first in that infamous Miami match and then a few weeks ago in Montreal.  Fed has finally snapped his Nole streak, beating him recently in the Cincy final. 

Buckle up.

Moving On...

Sometimes it's not always about Serena, despite what she says sometimes.  While she took center stage for all the wrong reasons last night, let's not forget that Kim played a fantastic match and by all accounts she deserved to win.  She earned that first set racquet smash from Serena by just playing steady, hitting the lines and deep, and tracking down everything to make Serena hit one more shot.  She deserved this and it's a shame that she didn't get her chance to celebrate.

Meanwhile, on a near empty court, Sunshiney Boots earned her way into her first Slam final by beating Yanni 3 and 3.  Many congrats to her. 

As it is, it'll be a shock if Kim can't break down Boots' game tomorrow.  But either way, fantastic runs by both ladies.

Pic This: Still Flossing The Fuzz From My Teeth

To answer your question, no, that was not me.

 

Wha happen?

 

Sigh.  If only Serena listened.

You're cute.

 

Rough night.

 

It's ok, honey.  Have a danish.

Adorable little bumblebee.

 

Nice crowd.

The beginning of the end.

 

Va.  Mos.

Air Quotes: Lost In All This.

"I think Kim played a wonderful match, and I think I played good, too.  I think I could have played better, and I actually feel like I can go home and I can actually do better, which I'm really excited about. There's someone out there that makes me want to go home and makes me want to work out and makes me want to run and do better. I can't wait to do that.''

The Tirade

Not that it makes a difference, but to me, it's the racquet and the pointing that make this a big deal. It's on Serena, for sure. She flew off the handle and the umpire had every right to assess the penalty. I just think it's unfortunate that she did. And for the record, I don't think Alison Lange, Lynn Welch, or Eva Asderaki call this penalty.

What. The. Hell.

So...I've been away from the computer all day and I'm not entirely sure I understand what the hell happened today.  Clearly no one told Gonzo that his match was on today and he barely showed up in the 30 minutes it took him to lose 4 straight points in the tiebreak and get bageled in the third.  

And then this: Serving at 15-30, 5-6 in the second, Serena apparently foot faults on second serve to go 15-40.  She berates the linejudge, waving her racquet at her and saying, apparently, "I will shove this ball down your fucking throat".  The umpire summons the linejudge to talk about what happened, and as a result, gives Serena her second unsportsmanlike conduct warning, which leads to a point penalty.  On match point.

Jigga what?  It's unclear whether Serena foot faulted.  As for the point penalty for what she said, I don't know.  I just don't think in a tight significant match like this an umpire should issue a point penalty on match point.  I totally think Serena was out of line, and I think it was more the gesturing with the racquet, rather than the actual words that were said, that got her in trouble.  This is where umpire discretion comes in.  This wasn't, as far as I know, a mandatory warning, a la busting a racquet.  This is the soccer equivalent to not calling a penalty in the box during overtime unless it's an absolutely egregious foul.

Of course, I haven't seen the match yet so this isn't based on much.  Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Don't Worry, You're Still Screwed, Israel

Rafa withdraws from Davis Cup.  He'll be replaced by JCF.

Cross Your Fingers...

Saturday's OOP

Arthur Ashe Stadium 12:00 Start Time
1. Men’s Singles – Quarterfinals
Rafael Nadal (CHI)[11] v. Fernando Gonzalez (ESP)[3]
This match may be moved to Armstrong Stadium. To Finish 7-6(4) 6-6(3)
2. Men’s Doubles – Finals
Lukas Dlouhy (CZE)[4] v. Mahesh Bhupathi (IND)[3]
Leander Paes (IND)[4] Mark Knowles (BAH)[3]
This match may be moved to Armstrong Stadium.
3. Women’s Singles – Semifinals
Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) v. Caroline Wozniacki (DEN)[9]
Not Before:20:00
4. Women’s Singles – Semifinals
Kim Clijsters (BEL) v. Serena Williams (USA)[2]

Louis Armstrong Stadium 12:00 Start Time
1. Women’s Doubles – Semifinals
Cara Black (ZIM)[1] v. Samantha Stosur (AUS)[3]
Liezel Huber (USA)[1] Rennae Stubbs (AUS)[3]

"I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes..."

I've never understood these pictures.  I assume no one is holding a gun to your head.  So why, of all places, do you choose to sit there during a rain delay?

Surely a bored photographer.  

What was this, his senior thesis for Trite Stock Photography 101?

We have a naked statue like this in the Castro.  Except that it's not a statue and he's not playing tennis.

Really?  They really thought play would resume today?

Sweet.

Get the man an iPhone.

Blame It On The Rain

You know, watching this now I don't know how I could possibly think they *were* singing.

It was a washed out day in Flushing, despite the USOpen twitter feed imploring us all to "sit tight" and "stay tuned" as play was pushed back in 30 minute increments.  Was it all necessary?  I doubt it.  You're telling me the tournament organizers didn't realize this morning that play would be virtually impossible today?

Neil Harman rightfully calls out the USTA for ignoring the data and creating the situation we have now, wherein the men's final will have to be played on Monday and Rafa and Gonzo are at a distinct disadvantage (they'll have to play three days in a row to win).  

Anyone with half an interest in meteorology could have told the US Open officials that it would start to rain on Thursday evening and that Friday would be a washout. And what did they do? Schedule not one but two doubles matches to start the programme on Arthur Ashe Stadium court on Thursday. Juan Martín del Potro and Marin Cilic had to wait until mid-afternoon to begin their men’s quarter-final; Nadal and González started theirs (twice), but at midnight, the court surface greasy once more, they were sent back to their hotels.

The curse of the night sessions revisited. Rather than see that fairness prevailed — that a grand-slam tournament actually put the tennis first — the sport again bowed to its paymasters in television and had been comprehensively dumped upon.

Ouch.  Tell us how you really feel, Neil.

Introducing The Time Killer 2000

I'm bored and I've reached the end of the internet.  It sounds like a lot of people are in the same state.  

So let's help each other out.  Post your favorite links, stories, YouTube videos, whatever in the comments.

My contributions:

Pic This: I'm Bored

Pic This: Whatever.

I'm so over this rain delay.

Sayonara

Ai formally announced her retirement at the end of the season today in a press conference in Narita.

 

Ai with her mom.  Her mom is dope.  We saw her a lot in IW two years ago.

Somewhere in Bratislava, Dani is crumpled in a heap.

Updated: Clusterfuck

So here's the news from the USTA.  Because of the inclement weather and absolute need to get the women's semis and men's quarterfinal between Rafa and Gonzo completed, play will (at least as of right now) resume at 2pm EST, with all three matches starting simultaneously.  Rafa/Gonzo will be on Ashe, Kim/Serena on Armstrong, and Boots/Yanni on Grandstand.

UPDATED: SCRATCH THAT:

As of noon: Now the USTA is hoping for a window at 3pm EST, but if they can't get the matches on by then they may cancel play today, resume tomorrow, and finish the tournament on Monday:

If the weather cooperates, women’s semifinalists Serena Williams and Kim Clijsters would be first on Arthur Ashe Stadium Friday, followed by Yanina Wickmayer and Caroline Wozniacki. Though the men’s quarterfinal between Rafael Nadal and Fernando Gonzalez is currently scheduled for Ashe after the Williams-Clijsters match, it most likely will be moved to Louis Armstrong stadium, though not before 2:00 p.m.

If Nadal and Gonzalez don’t complete their match Friday, however, both men’s semifinals would likely be moved to Sunday, Widmaier said, to prevent the other men’s semifinalists, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic, from having a day of rest before Monday’s final. If the women do not complete their semifinals Friday, the tournament would have to hold the men’s semifinals and the women’s final on Sunday.

UPDATED #2: The intended OOP per ESPN:

12:30 p.m. - Clijsters vs. Serena Williams
Not before 2 p.m. - Nadal vs. Gonzalez completion
Followed by Wickmayer vs. Wozniacki
Not before 3:30 p.m. - Dlouhy-Paes vs. Bhupathi-Knowles
Let's see what actually happens.

UPDATED #3: USOpen.org updates their OOP.  Play to start at 2pm (weather permitting, obvs).

UPDATED #4: WTF?  Now we're back to what I originally said.  All matches played simultaneously at 2:30pm.