Just kidding. Zing!
I bet you she dominated at soccer. You know, cuz it's on grass.
Monday WTA Scores
Singles - First Round
(1) Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. Shahar Peer (ISR) 75 63
(2) Sybille Bammer (AUT) d. Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) 26 76(2) 75
(4) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) d. Alexandra Dulgheru (ROU) 46 63 63
Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) d. (WC) Kristina Kucova (SVK) 75 64
Doubles - First Round
(3) Hlavackova/Hradecka (CZE/CZE) d. Krauth/Nooni (ARG/SWE) 63 62
Kondratieva/Lefèvre (RUS/FRA) d. Birnerova/Hrdinova (CZE/CZE) 64 26 107
Klemenschits/Malek (AUT/GER) d. Barrois/Voegele (GER/SUI) 63 57 119
Brozda/Kiszczynska (POL/POL) d. Frankova/Henke (CZE/GER) 63 62
(WC) Kvitova/Vaidisova (CZE/CZE) d. Ivanova/Lapushchenkova (RUS/RUS) 64 36 108
Singles - First Round
Alberta Brianti (ITA) d. (4) Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) 63 40 ret. (right shoulder injury)
(7) Aravane Rezai (FRA) d. Galina Voskoboeva (KAZ) 62 64
Roberta Vinci (ITA) d. Lourdes Domínguez Lino (ESP) 46 64 76(3)
Olga Govortsova (BLR) d. Maria Elena Camerin (ITA) 63 63
Varvara Lepchenko (USA) d. (WC) Corinna Dentoni (ITA) 63 62
Doubles - First Round
Cornet/Savchuk (FRA/UKR) d. Craybas/Grandin (USA/RSA) 76(4) 61
Read more about it at TSF.
Cool interview with Lars Graf. He was a SEAL in the Swedish Navy. Something tells me Mo...was not.
Also, I'm totally impressed that he remembers individual points like that. I would think that as an umpire you're just so in the moment that you don't really remember what happened the point before.
Then again, he was was a SEAL. He's probably trained to memorized codes and shit. Or, you know, whatever espionage Sweden is involved in.
So as you can see over there on the right, I'm on Twitter. And for all the shit I gave Twitter when it first started to get rolling ("what's the point of it? who cares what I have to say? Why do I want to text message 500 people about my day") I actually like it. It's a great way to get breaking news and a lot of funnies (I follow a lot of comedians).
BUT, there are people out there that I won't follow just out of principle. One of those people, and really, enemy #1 on that list, is Justin Gimelstob. I just refuse. REFUSE. He's a tool, a douche, and a complete and utter dick. I refuse to acknowledge or support his existence in the world.
Which means I had to actually read this story on Deadspin:
A true trailblazer, Gimelstob came out of retirement to play in a match yesterday just to tweet-by-proxy throughout. As in the NFL, tweeting mid-match is not exactly polite in professional tennis. But if you're Machiavellian like Gimelstob or Johnson, the ends justify the means:
Gimelstob also mouthed a few comments for the intern to post in between points. Most of them were standard play-by-play recaps.
Oh, and by the way, Deadspin: Who *didn't* know that Sam Querrey had an intern?
Centre Court (from 16.00hrs)
1. Parra Santonja vs. Palkina (Singles Q Final)
2. Brianti vs. Pavlyuchenkova (NB 18.30hrs)
3. Vinci vs. Domínguez Lino (NB 20.30hrs)
4. Cornet/Savchuk vs. Craybas/Grandin
Court 2 (from 16.00hrs)
1. Rus vs. Castaño (Singles Q Final)
2. Govortsova vs. Camerin
3. Lepchenko vs. Dentoni
Court 6 (from 16.00hrs)
1. Begu vs. Pivovarova (Singles Q Final)
2. Voskoboeva vs. Rezai
Court 7 (from 16.00hrs)
1. Karatantcheva vs. Savchuk (Singles Q Final)
Centre Court (from 11.00hrs)
1. Bacsinszky vs. Ivanova (Singles Q Final)
2. Pironkova vs. Bammer
3. Zahlavova Strycova vs. Kucova
4. Schiavone vs. Peer (NB 16.30hrs)
ECM Court (from 11.00hrs)
1. Domachowska vs. Pervak (Singles Q Final)
2. Martic vs. Daniilidou (Singles Q Final)
3. Suárez Navarro vs. Dulgheru (NB 14.00hrs)
4. Brozda/Kiszczynska vs. Frankova/Henke
5. Ivanova/Lapushchenkova vs. Kvitova/Vaidisova (NB 18.00hrs)
Court 2 (from 12.00hrs)
1. Tatishvili vs. Mladenovic (Singles Q Final)
2. Barrois/Voegele vs. Klemenschits/Malek (NB 15.00hrs)
3. Birnerova/Hrdinova vs. Kondratieva/Lefèvre
4. Hlavackova/Hradecka vs. Krauth/Nooni
Center Court (from 12.00hrs)
Qualifying: Guillermo Canas (ARG) Tim Goransson (SWE)
Qualifying: Potito Starace (ITA) Ervin Eleskovic (SWE)
Florent Serra (FRA) Andreas Vinciguerra (SWE)
Simon Aspelin (SWE) / Paul Hanley (AUS) Michail Elgin (RUS) / Frank Moser (GER)
Qualifying: Lamine Ouahab (ALG) Peter Luczak (AUS) 
Qualifying: Daniel Gimeno-Traver (ESP) Erling Tveit (NOR)
Victor Crivoi (ROM)Denis Istomin (UZB) (NB 13:30)
Teimuraz Gabashvili (RUS)Christophe Rochus (BEL)  (NB 15.00)
Center Court (from 13.00hrs)
Lukasz KUBOT (POL) vs Pablo ANDUJAR (ESP)
Ivan NAVARRO (ESP) vs Nikolay DAVYDENKO (RUS) (NB 15.00)
Michael BERRER (GER) vs Stefan KOUBEK (AUT) (NB 18.00)
ENBW Court (from 14.00hrs)
Dominik MEFFERT (GER) vs Victor HANESCU (ROU)
Lukasz KUBOT (POL) / Oliver MARACH (AUT) vs Jeremy CHARDY (FRA) /Paul-Henri MATHIEU (FRA) (NB 16.30)
Nice DC write up by Cronin, with some interesting stats about Andy and Blah:
On the other hand, Blake has scored just one live win on clay, over Austria's Stefan Koubek, and only one other singles win away from home in the past eight years. While he's had some spectacular moments playing at home, including during the United States' 2007 title run, Blake has been less than dependable away from the comforts of red, white and blue arenas.
"I think it's a great opportunity for James to slide into the No. 1 singles role," McEnroe said before the tie began. "He's always been the No. 2 guy on this team, with Andy playing the role of No. 1 quite well. But James has a lot of experience, and I think it's a nice change for him to be put in that position."
While that might have been the case at home, Blake did not embrace the change abroad.
Perhaps next year, if McEnroe is forced to select a team to play away on clay, he'll try his luck again with Querrey, or young lefthander Wayne Odesnik, who professes a love of dirt and has had some decent results on the surface. Whatever the case, without Roddick in the fold for every tough away tie, the U.S. is going to be a serious underdog.
After the match, Blake admitted that there was a comfort level in playing No. 2 behind Roddick, the de facto team leader with a Davis Cup singles record of 31-11.
"I got a ton of respect for Andy. I really can't see myself having any more respect for him than today," said Blake. "Being in the No. 1 spot, it shows me how hard his job has been for this many years and how outstanding he's really been as a teammate and a leader of this team because he's counted on as the No. 1 to put up two points, and he does it time after time. Davis Cup is always pressure-packed, but being in the No. 2 spot is less pressure-packed than being in that one spot."
So is it fair to assume that there will a bunch of articles written about James calling him out for his pathetic inability to handle pressure situations and perform on big stages?
Nah. Probably not.
Moving right along to the week ahead, where the clay rats continue to scramble to pick up points before the clay turns to American hardcourts.
For the ladies, Flavs headlines the field in Palermo, along with Patty, Cone, and Pavs. Here's the singles draw.
On the sausage side, the dudes invade Bastad and Stuttgart. Fer, who deserves a break more than anyone else right now, anchors the Bastad draw alongside homeboy General Sod. Really, Nando? Go chill out! It's ok! Bastad draw here.
And in Stuttgart we have the "Oh yeah, those guys!" field, headlined by Gilly, Kolya, and a bunch of Germans. Draw here.
That's what Day 3 of Davis Cup is all about: Heroes. And the great thing about Davis Cup is that these heroes often come from nowhere. They're journeymen players who experience the biggest wins of their lives on this stage. And there is something ridiculously awesome about it.
Over in Spain, it was looking like PEHK would be the man of the day. He fended off a strong comeback from Fernando to notch an 8-6 in the 5th win. Who knew the German would knock off Nole and Fer on clay in the span of a month and a half. And if Hero #2 didn't step up in the next match and Germany had taken this tie, I would argue that Techno's win over Fer was the biggest of his career. But alas.
After the Fer's tough loss Spain had to be feeling a bit of pressure. Especially with Beck having taken Fer to five challenging sets a couple days earlier. But in stepped cool as a cucumber JCF, who swashbuckled his way to a fairly businesslike straight set win. And so Spain advances and Germany goes home. Sure, it all shook out the way we expected, but the fun is in the process. Spain will face Israel in their semifinal.
But the thing about heroes is that there's always a goat. And no, I don't mean GOAT, I mean goat. And unfortunately for Argentina, that goat was Pico. Poor guy was unable to notch a singles win during the tie and that's what's why the 2008 finalists are going home. As for Steps, he was able to fight off some knee pain and help bring this one how for the Czechs, who will have an away tie with...
This was a hard fought tie for the Croats. They had that epicly long day on Friday, wherein Ivo and Marin needed 5 sets to take care of Blah and Sockless. But Marin came out and took care of business in four sets, dumping Blah and sending a very clear message to PMac that JAMES BLAKE IS A HORRIBLE TENNIS PLAYER!!! It's time for everyone to accept it. He's clearly in a bad spot. The fact that Querrey CA was left off this team still chaps me. Fuckers.
Once again, Marat couldn't keep it simple. He couldn't just roll over and let Israel easily take the tie by winning the dubs match. No. He had to make it an emotional rollercoaster that ended with him not coming out on top. Because this is what Marat does.
Ram and Ehrlich were up two sets and serving for the match at 5-4. Jonny gets broken and Marat and Consumption proceed to take the next two sets and force a fifth, which, of course, Israel would win 64.
Congrats to Israel for making their first World Group semifinal. As for Russia, maybe it's appropriate that the year Marat retires, they get outclassed by the hungry up and comers.
I honestly didn't think there was anymore shit in the sky that could rain down on Jelena Dokic. You'd think the Tennis Gods would be all out at this point. You'd be wrong.
Tennis Australia confirms that JD is suffering from mono. Hopefully she can recover soon.
With the Marat sitting on the bench, Russia dropped both their rubbers today (heh) to Israel, who are one win away from making the World Group semis. Crazy!
The Hotness and Consumption take the court in dubs tomorrow. Yikes.
Spain and Germany ended Day 1 locked in a 1-1 draw after their #1s took care of business. It took Fer 5 SETS to take out Andreas Beck, who just flat our ran out of gas. How do you lose the next two sets 2 and 1 after you just won a tiebreaker to take a 2-1 lead?
Meanwhile, in a pretty impressive result on clay, PEHK beat Tommy in straight sets.
Bring on Team Pretty for dubs!
Singles - Semifinals
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. (3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 63 46 62
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. Gisela Dulko (ARG) 75 64
Doubles - Semifinals
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Kondratieva/Lefèvre (RUS/FRA) 64 62
(2) Dulko/Pennetta (ARG/ITA) d. Domachowska/Grandin (POL/RSA) 62 64
So Bastad is working out to be a pretty fun tournament. Flavia, Patty, Caro, and Dulko are through, which, given the WTA's "pleasant unpredictability", must give the Bastad tourney organizers some relief.
In the Battle For Middle Earth, wherein Middle Earth is the super cute flowy fashion designs of one Ms. Stella McCartney (who, incidentally, is going to design a line for GapKids), Boots came out on top. And no, that's not a sex reference, Pspace.
Here are the rest of the scores:
Singles - Quarterfinals
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 75 76(4)
Gisela Dulko (ARG) d. (2) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 67(5) 63 76(6)
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 64 62
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. (7) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP)
46 63 60
Doubles - Quarterfinals
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Schiavone/Suárez Navarro (ITA/ESP) 76(3) 62
Kondratieva/Lefèvre (RUS/FRA) d. (4) Cirstea/Wozniacki (ROU/DEN) 46 64 108
Man, you become a Davis Cup hero and all of a sudden it's shits and giggles all the time.
Fernando's the man this week, as he's scheduled to play singles and doubles. And with the way his teammates have been playing lately, don't be surprised if he does have to suit up on Sunday. He'll kick things off against Beck tomorrow and possibly play Techno on Sunday.
So...I've basically been sitting here for a good 10 minutes marveling at how much I want/need/havetoownimmediately that jacket. I don't know if she already had it in her closet, whether she ran out and bought it, or if AS's Burberry people hooked her up, but I love it.
Unfortunately, something tells me I wouldn't look the same wearing a trench and trouser jeans. Sad face.
Anyway, kid is in Scotland supporting her dude by looking young and casual and rocking an amazing "ZOMG I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!!!" face.
Doesn't she look like she should be holding a drink or something? A cigarette? A tennis racquet? A couple of coffee mugs?
In case the last month and a half hasn't already proven it, Fed's healthy again:
"I'm not scared any more of going into the very corner of the court and digging out a ball, which I was scared of doing at times. And that's why my serve sometimes faltered in important moments, because I didn't have belief that my body was holding up.
"So I would play way too offensive, and against the top guys, that was too risky, and this is why I would lose."
It was only at the end of April, at the Internazionali BNL d'Italia in Rome, when Federer began to feel "like the old guy again."
It has had a big effect on his game: "Now I feel so much better, and I can play the way I normally play -- use offense, use defense. My serve is clicking. I know in the important moments I'll make the right decisions."
Get healthy, Rafa. We need a stretch of "no excuses" mano e mano competition.
They sign Ana a mere days before she goes on to win her first Slam. And now they placed ads all over the place pretty much tapping Fed and Serena to win Wimbly.
Impressive stuff, Rolie. Impressive.
MaKiri is blogging from Bastad this week. Here's a couple of cute bits from her blog:
Doesn't Igor wax his chest? Am I wrong on that?
Bye bye, Pavsy. You lost to MaKiri in straight sets. I don't know what to say to that other than it was her best surface and maybe you were distracted by the awesomeness that is her Stella McCartney kit.
Break out the champagne, folks. MaKiri won a match! With a bagel? What the fuck?
Too bad it'll end tomorrow at the hands of Pavs. I hope. For Pavs' sake.
Singles - First Round
(1) Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) d. Sofia Arvidsson (SWE) 61 63
(2) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) d. (WC) Sandra Roma (SWE) 63 26 61
(3) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. Francesca Schiavone (ITA) 62 75
María José Martínez Sánchez (ESP) d. (4) Kaia Kanepi (EST) 61 76(1)
Maria Kirilenko (RUS) d. (Q) Irina Buryachok (UKR) 60 64
Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. (Q) Julia Vakulenko (UKR) 63 41 ret. (right wrist injury)
Masa Zec Peskiric (SLO) d. (Q) Michaela Johansson (SWE) 62 60
Nuria Llagostera Vives (ESP) d. Ayumi Morita (JPN) 46 60 62
Angelique Kerber (GER) d. Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) 75 64
(WC) Ellen Allgurin (SWE) d. (Q) Ksenia Palkina (KGZ) 64 64
Doubles - First Round
(1) Llagostera Vives/Martínez Sánchez (ESP/ESP) d. Laine/U.Radwanska (FIN/POL) 63 64
Jensen/Larsson (DEN/SWE) d. (3) Craybas/Kudryavtseva (USA/RUS) 36 76(7) 105
Kondratieva/Lefevre (RUS/FRA) d. Krauth/Nooni (ARG/SWE) 62 76(4)
Centre Court (from 11.00hrs)
1. Cirstea vs. Dulko
2. Suárez Navarro vs. Allgurin
3. Wozniacki vs. Kvitova
4. Llagostera Vives vs. Cibulkova
Court 1 (from 11.00hrs)
1. Domachowska/Grandin vs. Jensen/Larsson
2. Pennetta vs. Zec Peskiric (NB 12.30hrs)
3. Kirilenko vs. Pavlyuchenkova
4. Brozda/Kiszczynska vs. Dulko/Pennetta (after suitable rest)
Court 2 (from 11.00hrs)
1. Kudryavtseva vs. Benesova
2. Kerber vs. Martínez Sánchez