Forty Deuce

I Get Stomach Cramps Just Watching This

I highly recommend you watch this video with the sound up.

What A Waste Of A Good Cupcake

I hope it wasn't a Sprinkles cupcake. Cuz that'd be a crime. A crime, I tell you.

FYI, Ana Ivanovic Is The Most Boring Human Being Ever

Ok, I'm not saying that the kid is all personality and charm, but Jesus, these are the commercials that get cut for her?

Oh Boy.

Shake It, Don't Break It.

Seriously?  From Doug Robson:

Serena Williams has finally come clean about the left knee injury that eventually required surgery: She tweaked it grooving at an L.A. dance club in 2002. Asked why she hadn’t come clean earlier on Thursday following her 6-3, 7-6 win over Melinda Czink, Serena said: “I just didn’t want my parents to know. I don’t think they know yet. I’m still a little nervous about that.”

The No. 2 American went on to say the accident was “embarrassing” and “ridiculous,” and that she learned her lesson. “Whenever I go out now I always bring a pair of flats,” she chuckled, noting that she never returned to the same nightclub again. “I don’t dance the whole night in heels.”

Shit, if I tried to drop it like it's hot I'd probably break something too:

Air Quotes: Keep Them Claws Out

“I don’t know what to say. It looks like she’s playing every single week, more than anyone else. If she can play two tournaments in a week, she will do this.”

-- Lena D, on JJ's complaints that the Roadmap doesn't let her play everywhere she wants.

LA, Now 700,000% Douchier

Sam and his lovely off-hand were on display today in LA, where he needed three sets to beat fellow Yankee Ryan Sweeting, 63 67 63.  Unfortunately his doucheclan was in tow for the affair.  Whatever.

Meanwhile, Darth Fish saved 3 match points to beat Gooch.  I don't even know why I'm writing about it.  Like I care.

And in somewhat depressing news, Marat finally lost.  He and Igor fell to the BryBros in fairly boring fashion.

Are they conjoined now?  Are they even technically a doubles team?  Hey ITF, instead of going after poor Tamira Pazcek, maybe you should be investigating these freaks of nature.  Just a suggestion.

Singles – Second Round
[2] M Fish (USA) d [WC] C Guccione (AUS) 67(3) 76(12) 64 - saved 3 M.P.
[4] D Sela (ISR) d R Kendrick (USA) 64 36 61
L Mayer (ARG) d [5] I Kunitsyn (RUS) 76(5) 67(7) 63
[6] S Querrey (USA) d [Q] R Sweeting (USA) 63 67(5) 63

Doubles - Quarter-finals
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) d I Kunitsyn (RUS) / M Safin (RUS) 63 62
M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) d J Coetzee (RSA) / J Erlich (ISR) 61 76(9)
D Istomin (UZB) / L Mayer (ARG) d E Gulbis (LAT) / D Tursunov (RUS) 75 76(8)

Friday OOP:

STRAUS STADIUM start 12:00 noon
J Isner (USA) vs [Q] C Ball (AUS)
[4] D Sela (ISR) vs [6] S Querrey (USA)
L Mayer (ARG) vs  [2] M Fish (USA)
Not Before 8:00 PM
[1] T Haas (GER) vs [8] M Safin (RUS)
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) vs M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA)

GRANDSTAND start 12:00 noon
B Becker (GER) / F Moser (GER) vs Y Lu (TPE) / D Vemic (SRB)

I've Got Some Lotto Numbers, If You're Interested.

Remember this?  Yeah, the "C" Stands for "Cleo", bitches.  It's so on.  From TennisReporters.net:

[A] coy Bartoli said that she preferred to face crushed Jankovic rather than the German because ‘ I always beat her.’ Bartoli is 4-3 against Jankovic and has won their last three matches. JJ was a bit stunned to hear the comments.

“She talks like she’s just Serena Williams,” Jankovic said. “Everybody had a right to say what she wants. I’m not really focused on Bartoli. She’s not like my biggest rival or someone I look up to or I’m scared of. She’s just one of the players on tour, not a big name, or someone who is making the big results or headlines in the game."

When she left the press conference to go for a doping test (something she wasn’t pleased about given that she might have to stay on site past midnight), Jankovic added with a smile, “Bartoli is going to get it tomorrow.”

It's enough to make me actually ditch work to watch a Mono match.  Hmmm...that's an idea...

Thursday's Results:
Singles - Second Round
(1) Serena Williams (USA) d. Melinda Czink (HUN) 63 76(7)
(2) Venus Williams (USA) d. (Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) 61 75
(4) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Sabine Lisicki (GER) 26 62 64
(8) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. (Q) Melanie Oudin (USA) 75 64

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(3) Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Kleybanova/Rodionova (RUS/RUS) 64 46 1210
(4) Cirstea/Kirilenko (ROU/RUS) d. Coin/Pelletier (FRA/CAN) 63 63

Friday's OOP
Stadium (from 12.00hrs)
1. Hantuchova vs. Dementieva
2. S.Williams vs. Stosur (NB 14.00hrs)
3. Jankovic vs. Bartoli
4. Sharapova vs. V.Williams (NB 19.00hrs)
5. Black/Huber vs. Chan/Niculescu

"Is She Your Favorite Player?"

Work has been a bitch all week but I was finally able to make it to Stanford for Thursday's evening session, which featured JJ vs. Boom Boom and Nads/B-Matt vs. Klebs/Rodionova.  I was able to secure a front row baseline ticket and we were in business.

The JJ/Boom Boom match was full of starts and stops by both players.  In the first set Boom Boom was, well, booming her serve and her forehand.  JJ was playing tentatively, as she's prone to do when she gets nervous or doesn't know what to do, and Sabine was just teeing off on the ball. 

The second set saw Sabine just lose her way.  Spraying balls all over the place and missing first serves.  She seems really conscious of her service toss.  She practices the toss motion quite a bit between serves and while it doesn't wonk off like Ana, you can tell when she's going to hit the slice as opposed to a flat serve.  Clearly the service issues got into her head because she stopped moving her feet on her groundies and she was just off balance all set. 

The last set went back and forth but all of a sudden JJ found her serve and began holding pretty easily.  It was over after that, as Sabine's serving woes pretty much gave JJ the match.  Serving to stay in the match, Boom Boom tossed in two doubles to pretty much give JJ the match.  One serve bounced before it hit the net. 

So good on JJ for scraping through.  The match was a typical JJ show.  Some interaction with the crowd, lots of Serbian screams to the heavens, sniping at the ballkids, but in the end she found a way to win.  Papa JJ and Ricky were in the crowd.  No sign of Kung Fu Tennis dude.

Next up, Indigo Girls vs. Kleybs & Co.  Nads and Bethanie were nails in the first set, and then Nads starting stinking up the joint in the second.  The tiebreak was tight until the IGs opened it up with a stick forehand volley from Nads and then a ripped forehand return up the line by Bethanie.  It got tight again after that but you had the feeling Nads and Bethanie would pull it out, which they did.

Apparently I was cheering for Nads pretty hard during the match, to the point that the woman sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Is she your favorite player?"

All in all, a fun time.  I'm going to get tickets to tomorrow's night session to see Masha vs. Venus.  That'll mark Maria's first big match against a true top player since her return.  Can't wait.

Back on Court

Andy's back on court in Miami, getting ready for the US hardcourt swing. Nothing funny or snarky to add. I just thought it looked like a fun drill.

Why, Daveed? Why?

Sigh.  I really wish I knew what was up with Daveed.  I suppose the more time passes the more we all have to accept that 2007 was a complete fluke.  But it's a shame.  The #2 seed lost to Nicholas MasDouche, 46 62 64.

Singles - Second Round
[1] N Davydenko (RUS) d A Martin (ESP) 62 63 
N Massu (CHI) d [2] D Ferrer (ESP) 46 62 64
[4] J Melzer (AUT) d P Cuevas (URU) 64 63 
[5] J Ferrero (ESP) d P Starace (ITA) 16 63 62 
I Ljubicic (CRO) d [6] N Almagro (ESP) 75 76(2)
[7] A Seppi (ITA) d F Gil (POR) 75 76(5)
S Bolelli (ITA) d F Fognini (ITA) 63 64
M Gonzalez (ARG) d O Hernandez (ESP) 64 64

Not The Man

Top seeded Stanley fell to the Brazillian Schnoz, 64 64 in Gstaad.  Sucky week for Stan as he dropped out of the top 20 on Monday. 

Singles - Second Round
[Q] T Bellucci (BRA) d [1] S Wawrinka (SUI) 64 64
F Serra (FRA) d [4] V Hanescu (ROU) 64 ret. (upset stomach)
[6] N Kiefer (GER) d I Navarro (ESP) 63 67(3) 62
M Daniel (BRA) d J Benneteau (FRA) 63 76(8)

Doubles - Quarter-finals
[1] J Levinsky (CZE) / F Polasek (SVK) d N Kiefer (GER) / M Youzhny (RUS) 63 76(3)

Pic This: Dude. You Beat Melinda Czink. Calm Down, #1.

"The Passing of the Baton to New Balls." Heh.

Marat's interview with Charlie Rose in 2000 after he beat Pete.

Don't ask me what he talked about. I was too busy staring at his hands.

Pic This: Eye. Rooooooooll.

So LA

Marat's been winning.  It's weird but it's happening.

Soak it in while you can.

Wednesday's Scores:

Singles Second Round
[1] T Haas (GER) d [WC] J Levine (USA) 61 63
[Q] C Ball (AUS) d [3] D Tursunov (RUS) 64 01 Retired
[8] M Safin (RUS) d E Gulbis (LAT) 26 63 64
J Isner (USA) d M Baghdatis (CYP) 63 76(11)

Doubles First Round
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) d [WC] C Ball (AUS) / K Van't Hof (USA) 75 62
E Gulbis (LAT) / D Tursunov (RUS) d [2] B Soares (BRA) / K Ullyett (ZIM) 62 64
J Coetzee (RSA) / J Erlich (ISR) d [3] M Damm (CZE) / R Lindstedt (SWE) 64 64
M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) d R Ginepri (USA) / J Kerr (AUS) 63 62
B Becker (GER) / F Moser (GER) d J Isner (USA) / S Querrey (USA) walkover
D Istomin (UZB) / L Mayer (ARG) d E Butorac (USA) / S Lipsky (USA) 76(5) 67(4) 10-4

Legends Singles
J Courier (USA) d S Edberg (SWE) 46 64 11-9

Thursday OOP:

STRAUS STADIUM start 12:00 noon
[4] D Sela (ISR) vs R Kendrick (USA)
Not Before 2:00 PM
[Q] R Sweeting (USA) vs [6] S Querrey (USA)
Not Before 3:30 PM
[1] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) vs I Kunitsyn (RUS) / M Safin (RUS)
Not Before 7:30 PM
[WC] C Guccione (AUS) vs [2] M Fish (USA)
M Chang (USA) vs S Edberg (SWE) - LEGENDS SINGLES

GRANDSTAND start 12:00 noon
[5] I Kunitsyn (RUS) vs L Mayer (ARG)
J Coetzee (RSA) / J Erlich (ISR) vs M Melo (BRA) / A Sa (BRA)
D Istomin (UZB) / L Mayer (ARG) vs E Gulbis (LAT) / D Tursunov (RUS)

"F before I, F before I..."

Much love to Mrs. Saifn's boss for giving her the afternoon off to go catch her future husband in LA:

• I got to the stadium during the Isner/Baghdatis 2nd set tiebreaker. At 10-all, Isner had a nasty fall and grabbed his leg in pain. Marcos immediately jumped the net and was the first to reach him. After a short timeout, Isner came back on court. He was having trouble putting weight on his left leg, but managed to win the next few points and the match. Marcos shook hands nicely, walked to his chair and smashed his racket. 

• For Marat I sat in the first row behind the baseline. At first it was a little embarrassing to do the S-A-F-I-N cheer by myself, but after a few beers it was less about embarrassment and more about "F before I, F before I". Towards the end of the match, a group of people at the top of the stands started using the cheer, which is awesome, unless they were making fun of me.

• I was getting worried that my good luck charm status was used up with the 3 wins in two days, but just after I texted you that Karate Kid was looking too good, Marat came back. In his on-court interview after the match he said he's staying in LA until next Thursday and that his ex-girlfriend is from here ("So is your future wife," I shouted. OK, whispered).

• There were only a few people waiting for him after the match so I stuck around and got him to sign the playing card Love All gave me at IW. I couldn't ask about the monkey because when he looked at me all I could think was, "Did he just recognize me? Does Marat know me?"

• I stayed to watch Tursunov and Gulbis play doubles against some other guys. They were laughing and joking the whole time, and they won easily. Dima got pulled wide on one shot; when the point was over he picked a flower from one of the pots lining the side wall and presented it to Ernie as a gift, who knocked it out of his hand laughing. It was a really funny moment. They are a super-cute doubles team.

Dear Mr. Mrs. Saifn's boss.  Please recognize that she has been present at all of Marat's 4 wins in three days.  She needs to be there for all his matches.  Do your part and let her go.

Dani California

I'm starting to get the sense that Dani just really likes playing tennis in California.  Nice win for her last night, coming back 4-6, 7-6 (8-6), 6-1, to beat seventh seed A-Rad.  She'll play Lena D in the quarters on Friday.

Wednesday's Results:
Singles - Second Round
(3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Maria Kirilenko (RUS) 61 62
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. (5) Nadia Petrova (RUS) 61 62
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. (7) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) 46 76(6) 61
Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. Monica Niculescu (ROU) 61 75

Doubles - Quarterfinals
(2) Williams/Williams (USA/USA) d. Dekmeijere/Ditty (LAT/USA) 61 60

Doubles - First Round
(1) Black/Huber (ZIM/USA) d. Haynes/Savchuk (USA/UKR) 61 63
(3) Mattek-Sands/Petrova (USA/RUS) d. Kudryavtseva/Poutchek (RUS/BLR) 46 64 104
Chan/Niculescu (TPE/ROU) d. Foretz/Spears (FRA/USA) 64 26 106

Thursday OOP:
Stadium (from 12.00hrs)
1. S.Williams vs. Czink
2. Kudryavtseva vs. V.Williams (NB 14.00hrs)
3. Oudin vs. Bartoli
4. Cirstea/Kirilenko vs. Coin/Pelletier
5. Jankovic vs. Lisicki (NB 19.00hrs)
6. Kleybanova/Rodionova vs. Mattek-Sands/Petrova

See Ya, Scotty

Apparently there's only room for one Aussie in Ana's life.

Ana announced on her website that she and Scott are parting ways.  It was only a matter of time.  He's clearly done all he can for her and taken her fitness as far as he can.  I've always liked scott, even if he did insist on prancing around Indian Wells shirtless and in mandals.  Not entirely sure Dragana was ever a fan though. 

It'll be interesting to see who she brings in to replace him.

Welcome Back, You Hot Sonofabitch

So one of the main reasons I got into tennis is Stefan Edberg.  Not because of his playing style (serve and volley? No thank you) but because I thought he was crazy cute. 


Some things don't change.  He took the court against Jim Courier for an exo in LA.


Love.

Pic This: Shat-Tastic

The Shat takes in the Edberg/Courier exo in LA.

Pic This: The Cutest Little Disfunctional Couple Ever

(pic from DinaUpdates Twitter feed)

Are Your Nads Feeling Minty Fresh?

The Masher crushed Nads in her second round match at Stanford, 61 62.  Way to rebound, dude. 

Sammy Stones also advanced, beating Niculescu, 61 75.

Pic This: Please Don't Turn Into The J-Block

The Samurai's at Querrey CA's match last night in LA.

Cute Boys With Hair Issues Win

Jeremy and Igor won in Umag.  That's all I really have to say with respect to Gstaad.

Singles - Second Round
[3] I Andreev (RUS) d J Hernych (CZE) 64 61
[5] J Chardy (FRA) d M Youzhny (RUS) 63 57 63
V Crivoi (ROU) d T Gabashvili (RUS) 64 64
A Beck (GER) d G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 76(3) 16 76(3)

Over in Umag, Kolya and Daveed won but Viktor did not.  MasWho is still playing but like any of us care whether he wins or loses. 

Singles - Second Round
[1] N Davydenko (RUS) d D Gimeno-Traver (ESP) 62 62
[2] D Ferrer (ESP) d D Koellerer (AUT) 61 67(2) 63
M Gonzalez (ARG) d [3] V Troicki (SRB) 64 36 76(6)
[6] N Almagro (ESP) d [Q] M Granollers (ESP) 61 63
O Hernandez (ESP) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) 76(3) 61
I Ljubicic (CRO) d [WC] F Volandri (ITA) 61 64
A Martin (ESP) d [Q] M Klizan (SVK) 64 64

KO'd

I knew yesterday was too good to be true. 

AKO busted her knee in doubles yesterday when she hit a fence while chasing down a ball.  She was carried off on a stretcher and reports form the tournament are that she was screaming pretty badly.

The caption accompanying that pic: Busted my knee in the dubs. Got a scan in the morning but think i know already :-(

Well it's as bad as it looks.  No word on the results of the scan but Matt Cronin is reporting that she's out for the year.  And as one who has busted her knee, I can tell you that you're only screaming if there's been a tear.

Tough luck, AKO.  Get better.

Oh, and did I mention who was on the other side of the net?  Guess.

Pic This: C Note at 8 Years Old...

"S-A-I-F-N, That Is Who We Just Saw Win!"

36 63 64 over Indy champ, Robbie Ginepri.


And he made pretty while doing it.  Me thinks Mrs. Saifn is a damn lucky charm.


WHY ARE YOU LEAVING US???

kthnxbye!

The top two seeds fall in Istanbul (Not Constantinople).  Thanks for the drive by, Bepa.

Mariya Koryttseva (UKR) d. (1) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) 62 16 64
Rossana de los Ríos (PAR) d. (2) Patty Schnyder (SUI) 76(3) 26 63
(3) Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) d. (Q) Anastasiya Yakimova (BLR) 64 62
(5) Vera Dushevina (RUS) d. (Q) Yuliana Fedak (UKR) 61 64
(8) Lucie Hradecka (CZE) d. (WC) Cagla Buyukakcay (TUR) 46 63 60
Andrea Petkovic (GER) d. Sandra Zahlavova (CZE) 61 62
Urszula Radwanska (POL) d. Stefanie Voegele (SUI) 62 76(4)
Julia Goerges (GER) d. Masa Zec Peskiric (SLO) 62 63
Angelique Kerber (GER) d. (Q) Alina Jidkova (RUS) 62 63
(Q) Ekaterina Dzehalevich (BLR) d. (LL) Darya Kustova (BLR) 64 76(9)

Love Monkey

More tidbits from our embedded reporter, who continues to risk it all in the name of love, cougars, and monkeys:

• I drove a player that I still can't identify. He said he played yesterday, he's half French/half Persian, lives in Paris, kind of looks like Adrian Grenier. He told me about how hard it is to be a pro tennis player if you're not at the top. He's practiced 6 hours a day, every day of the week for 14 years and still has to crash at a friend's house in LA while top players stay  at fancy hotels. Really nice guy, wish I knew who he was.

• John Isner came in through the back to watch the Sampras vs. Safin exo. I stopped him for a picture, which he was happy to do, then got totally reprimanded by the volunteer coordinator.  Apparently we're not supposed to ask for pictures or autographs while in uniform, which seems lame.  At that point I felt like since I'd already gotten to meet Marat, Spades and Marcos, I was willing to risk getting "fired" to have my cougar moment with Isner.

• I got to watch the 2nd set and tiebreaker for the Safin/Consumption vs. Baghdatis/Sela match.  It totally looked like B/S were going to win, then S/C held off a few match points and all of a sudden they won.  Kunistyn told me they're playing the Bryans on Thursday.

• Then, the best part: I got to take Marat, Kunitsyn, some blonde Russian girl (Consumption's girlfriend? Very sweet girl) and a trainer back to their hotel around midnight. Marat sat up front with me. When I dropped them off, I asked if he would sign something for me and he said "Yeah, of course!" I handed him the photo and he did a double take and said, "Oh!" Then he took a long time signing it. I know it says "THANK U!!!" but can't read what's under it. I also told him I will be in the stands tonight cheering for him and he might remember the cheers from Indian Wells. He laughed.

See the now legendary autographed pic after the jump.  It is the definition of "win".

"When You're Smiling, The Whole World Smiles With You..."

C Note happy.

Some nice stories developing out of Stanford today.  In the battle of "I swear you guys, it wasn't a fluke!" Sammy Stones upset wee Domi 4 and 3.  I have no idea how Mono got pushed to a 76(6) tiebreaker by Ayumi, but yeah, that happened.  MaKiri battled it out with the still slumping Chakky and come out on top (settle down, boys) in the "Oh, Jesus. Just flip a coin" match of the day.  And my little headcase Dani notched a solid win, beating CanWoz in a tight one, 64 46 75. 

And as if a picture of Dani smiling and looking like Anakin wasn't enough, the tennis gods had to give me even more awesomeness when Julie "I got drunk last night at Blue Chalk and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" Coin got bounced by Alla.  Suck it, Drunk Tank!

And oh yeah.  JJ played.

(2) Venus Williams (USA) d. (WC) Stephanie Dubois (CAN) 62 63
(4) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. (Q) Angela Haynes (USA) 63 61
Samantha Stosur (AUS) d. (6) Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 64 63
(8) Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Ayumi Morita (JPN) 76(6) 63
Sabine Lisicki (GER) d. (Q) Lilia Osterloh (USA) 62 63
Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) d. Aleksandra Wozniak (CAN) 64 46 75
Maria Kirilenko (RUS) d. Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 64 57 76(5)
(Q) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) d. Julie Coin (FRA) 61 76(5)

He Definitely Didn't Need The Carbs

Nothing notable in LA today other than the fact that DJ Spades suffered the karmic retribution brought on by refusing my request (via Mrs. Saifn) to do a FD rap. 

[WC]Chris Guccione (AUS) d Kevin Kim (USA) 61 64
[WC]Jesse Levine (USA) d Bobby Reynolds (USA) 62 63
Robert Kendrick (USA) d Vince Spadea (USA) 60 60[2]

Qualifying Results
Carsten Ball (USA) d [4]Donalod Young (USA) 63 60
[1]Josselin Ouanna (FRA) d Dusan Vemic (SRB) 63 62
[6] Ryan Sweeting (USA) d Prakash Amritraj (IND) 75 76(0)
[2]Somdev Devvarman (IND) d [5]Alex Bogomolov (USA) 75 62

Tuesday's OOP:

STRAUS STADIUM start 12:00 noon

[7] B Becker (GER) vs J Isner (USA)
[WC] T Dent (USA) vs [Q] R Sweeting (USA)
F Dancevic (CAN) vs M Baghdatis (CYP) 

Not Before 7:30 PM
R Ginepri (USA) vs [8] M Safin (RUS)
D Istomin (UZB) vs [6] S Querrey (USA) 

GRANDSTAND start 12:00 noon

Y Lu (TPE) vs E Gulbis (LAT)
[Q] C Ball (AUS) vs M Gicquel (FRA)
[5] I Kunitsyn (RUS) vs [Q] S Devvarman (IND)
L Mayer (ARG) vs [Q] J Ouanna (FRA) 

Not Before 6:00 PM
Y Lu (TPE) / D Vemic (SRB) vs [4] S Huss (AUS) / R Hutchins (GBR)

History Repeats Itself

A couple of old dudes dialed the clock back nine years and the result was the same.  Marat beat Pete in their LA exo in a tiebreak, 6-4, 3-6 (10-6).  Pete was still serving bombs but let's face it, Marat, despite his attempts to prove otherwise, is still a tour player.

I don't know what's up with the sleeveless look.  But apparently Pete's been doing some push ups.

Always An Adventure

An odd come from behindish win for Masha over Ai.  She was down 4-1 in the first before reeling off six straight games to take it.  Then she was up in the second before Ai came back to force a tiebreak, which Ai won.  Then Masha came back to win the third 6-1.  Man, if people thought Masha's matches were boring before, they sure aren't now.

No surprises in Stanford yet.  A-Rad continued her Sorana domination with a bagelstick.  It took Nads three tough sets to move on past dubs partner Bethanie.  And Lena dusted AKO 1 and 4. 

Love means never having to say you're sorry, Nads.  But for sears, you should probably say sorry.

Singles - First Round
(3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Anne Keothavong (GBR) 61 64
(5) Nadia Petrova (RUS) d. Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA) 63 36 63
(7) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 60 61
Melinda Czink (HUN) d. Alisa Kleybanova (RUS) 60 75
Maria Sharapova (RUS) d. Ai Sugiyama (JPN) 64 67(6) 61
Monica Niculescu (ROU) d. Meghann Shaughnessy (USA) 61 60

Doubles - First Round
(2) Williams/Williams (USA/USA) d. Chen/Washington (TPE/USA) 64 62

Singles Qualifying - Final Round
(3) Melanie Oudin (USA) d. (8) Chan Yung-Jan (TPE) 67(7) 61 60
(5) Alla Kudryavtseva (RUS) d. Chanelle Scheepers (RSA) 62 63
Lilia Osterloh (USA) d. (6) Alexa Glatch (USA) 62 63
Angela Haynes (USA) d. Stéphanie Foretz (FRA) 75 62

Tuesday's OOP:

Stadium (from 11.00hrs)
1. Hantuchova vs. Wozniak
2. Stosur vs. Cibulkova
3. Jankovic vs. Haynes
4. Dubois vs. V.Williams
5. Cirstea/Kirilenko vs. Granville/Gullickson
6. S.Williams vs. Li (NB 19.00hrs)
7. Barte vs. Oudin

Court 6 (from 11.00hrs)
1. Morita vs. Bartoli
2. Chakvetadze vs. Kirilenko
3. Kudryavtseva vs. Coin
4. Osterloh vs. Lisicki

Court 11 (from 14.00hrs)
1. Kleybanova/Rodionova vs. Craybas/Hsieh
2. Keothavong/Morita vs. Coin/Pelletier (after suitable rest)

Pic This: What. Is. That.

I really have nothing so say.  Nothing at all.  I so confusing.

Pic This: Bepa Hones Her Politician Skilz

Babies, Bepa.  BABIES.

(pic from HCFoo's Blog)

Ah, Summer In San Francisco

 

Oh, Lena.  You're so adorable. 

You really thought you could get away with wearing that in San Francisco in July?

Thankfully you followed Mama Vera's advice and brought a jacket.  Because seriously, y'all, it was fucking COLD on Friday.  And that's coming from someone who normally brags about a balmy 68 degrees. 

Ask around.  I've been known to do it.

If squint your eyes you can see San Francisco's penis in the background, a.k.a., Coit Tower.  However, as Carrie and I recently learned, Coit Tower was actually erected (heh) for a chick. 

I can only assume she had a very wide set vagina. 

Not sure why they wanted Lena to pose in front of it...

Energizer Bunny

It's amazing what a little Portoroz can do.  Get a little spa time, a light hit, hang out with your Croatian non-boyfriend, ride a boat, and take home the title.  Next thing you know, articles start getting written about you talking about your resiliency and competitiveness in the face of ABSOLUTE FAILURE.

Or something.

Interesting article by Pete Bodo on Dina.  It is notable for four things:

1. Really?  That's the best pic you could find?
2. Of course, can't write a positive Dina article without completely dismantling her Slam performances.
3. It can't be an article about the legitimacy of rankings and champions without a little JJ bashing.
4. This is the first significant article I've read that gives credit to Dina's resiliancy.  Which, lets face it, I never give her enough credit for.

So how's that for a silver lining?

Fuck. I Take It Back. Screw You, Julie.

So she was hungoverish when she played Ana last year? AUUUUUGHHHHH!

Lolz to "Whoa!", "party pooper", "I like the rhythm", "I like food", and "That's not so glam...." Kudos to the WTA. They've done a pretty good job with these pieces so far. Also, I keep thinking Nadia has a "69" on her shoulder, which amuses me to no end.

How Else Are They Going To Learn?

Masha and A-Rod are confirmed to participate in Arthur Ashe Kids Day at the US Open.  I think this is great.  Kids need to learn very important "Don't Shit Where You Eat" life lesson. You know, literally and metaphorically.

All That You Can't Leave Behind

I really want to be friends with Julie FUCKING Coin and Severine Bremond. They're kind of awesome. Also, I really want a friend named Severine. It's a gaping hole in my life.

Pic This: We Do The Mash

Big Masha practicing with Lil' Masha at Stanford.


Love the dude trying to ignore those short-shortedness that's going on right in front of him.

"Real Tennis", Still Going Strong.

Allianz Suisse Open
Main Draw
Monday OOP:

 
Croatia Open
Main Draw
Top Seeds: Kolya, Daveed
Monday OOP:
Monday has been declared a national day of mourning in Croatia following a train accident that occurred two days ago. Consequently, there will be no play at the ATP Studena Croatia Open on Monday. Main draw action will begin on Tuesday, 28 July.

Istanbul Cup
Main Draw
Top Seeds:  Bepa, Patty
Monday OOP:

Pic This: Could The ATP Hate Kolya More?

Pic This: Crazy Comes Out On Top

Ernie's crazy hair ruins this pic a bit, but congrats to the beautiful crazies
on their dubs win in Indy. 

Christiane Amanpour Reports From LA

Kinda.  Let's just say that I probably would not want to spend two days with Christiane Amanpour watching a tennis tournament, but I would definitely spend two days drunkenly wandering Indian Wells getting into all kinds of trouble with Mrs. Saifn (aka Mkeller).  Thanks to her biting wit and, more importantly, the bottle of Bacardi that she snuck onto the grounds, we got yelled at by Vika and winked at by Marat.  So yeah, us Band of Brothers roll deep.

And to prove that good things happen to rad people, Mrs. S herself is volunteering at the LA Open this week.  Some of you have probably read her tweets about the experience but if you haven't she's been kind enough to put together a quick write-up of her experience on Saturday, wherein she served as a driver for the players.  Put it this way, if you could drive two players from the LA tourney, who would you choose?

Duh.  You'd choose Marat and DJ Spades.  Hands down:

It was pretty much the greatest day of my life. Remember how I couldn't form a sentence after taking a photo with Marat at Indian Wells?  [C Note: Yes, I do.  Couldn't wipe that grin off your face for hours.]  Somehow today I drove a very expensive car with him sitting right next to me.  I looked over once and realized, "Holy shit, Marat Safin is sitting next to me and talking to me."

Highlights:

• Safin didn't appear to have a coach with him, at least not today.  I don't know who he hit with in the morning but he went back to the hotel alone (you know, alone with me).  He hit with Kunitsyn in the afternoon and they were laughing and joking in Russian but no coaches for either guy.  Maratski got frustrated after hitting several shots into the net and threw his racket all the way across the court.

• Safin said LA is one of his favorite cities and he loves Entourage and Californication

• Marcos seemed to be unhappy with how his rackets were strung.  In the morning practice they kept bringing him new rackets, and in the afternoon he had two on court with him to test out.

• Spadea wouldn't rap for me.  Since when doesn't Spadea want to rap?

• The new "Behind the Scenes" show for the ATP was following Spadea all day filming him.  I took them to the Chinese Theater and they had him point out landmarks on Sunset Blvd.  He had some really funny stories and some other stories that I feel like I should never repeat.

• All three guys were very gracious about taking a picture with me.  No one was around when I dropped off Marat so he held the camera out to take the photo.
  
  
  
  

• After my shift ended I sat in the stadium for two hours watching Marat and Marcos practice and the place was empty except for workers setting up.  Turns out the best time to be at a tournament is before it even starts.

• Dudi Sela looked super short in person.  Haas is a good looking guy.

So much awesome.  Thanks to Mrs. S for texting me the whole time and letting me live vicariously through her.  But boo on you, Vince, for declining my request for a Forty Deuce rap.  This could have been your big break, bro.

(Pics from Mrs. Saifn.  Don't fucking take them, people.  That's rude and I will track you down.)

"Welcome To Hollywood! What's Your Dream?"

Oh, Igor.  Your ATP mugshot is so full of win.

Here's the LA main draw.  Anchored by Tommy and Socks, with a little Maratness for flavor.  Fleeting flavor, as I'm sure it will be.

Speaking of Maratski, Monday is Marat Day, as he'll lead off the evening session in an exo against Pete, and then play his doubles match with Consumption.  Wise planning, LA.  Very wise.

Monday's OOP:

STRAUSS STADIUM start 12:00 noon

[WC] C Guccione (AUS) vs K Kim (USA)
[WC] J Levine (USA) vs B Reynolds (USA) 
Not Before 4:00 PM 
V Spadea (USA) vs R Kendrick (USA) 

Not Before 7:30 PM 
P Sampras (USA) vs M Safin (RUS) – Exhibition Match
[WC] M Baghdatis (CYP) / D Sela (ISR) vs I Kunitsyn (RUS) / M Safin (RUS) - After Appropriate Rest

Yay! Real Tennis!

Or at least as real as the ladies can make it.

So refreshing to see a main draw that is fun from the get-go.  ReRe/Nails, Sammy/Domi, Aga/Sorana, Dani/CanWoz, Chak/MaKiri, AKO/Lena, Nads/Bethanie, and Masha/Ai.  And that's just first round, folks.

Unfortunately, here's the sweet irony of it all.  I'm going to be in Palo Alto for most of this week for work and yet I probably won't be able to tear myself away to watch any of this go down.  That fucking sucks.  But whatever, I'll stop my whining now.

Monday's OOP:

Stadium (from 10.00hrs)
1. Oudin vs. Chan (Singles Q Final)
2. Niculescu vs. Shaughnessy (NB 11.00hrs)
3. A.Radwanska vs. Cirstea
4. Keothavong vs. Dementieva
5. Petrova vs. Mattek-Sands
6. Sharapova vs. Sugiyama (NB 19.00hrs)
7. Dekmeijere/Ditty vs. Barte/Burdette

Court 6 (from 11.00hrs)
1. Scheepers vs. Kudryavtseva (Singles Q Final)
2. Haynes vs. Foretz (Singles Q Final)
3. Osterloh vs. Glatch (Singles Q Final)
4. Kleybanova vs. Czink

Court TBA (NB 16.30hrs)
1. Chen/Washington vs. Williams/Williams

"I'm Like A Bird, I Wanna Fly Away..."

He's just the best.  And so is that trophy.

First title of the year for Koyla, beating PHM 4 and 2 in Hamburg.

What The Eff, Sam?

Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. 

You're the top seed at Indy and roll over for Robby in a 2 and 4 loss.  Not exactly confidence inspiring.  Much is expected of you, Sam, and you have the talent to do it.  Losses like this are just...not ok.

As disappointed as I am with Querrey CA, congrats to Robbie.  He used to totally gross me out because of his long, stringy, thinning, orange hair.  But he seems like an ok dude and he's such a grinder.  I respect that. 

So congrats to Robbie Ginepri, current US Open Series leader.  Heh.