It's Funny Cuz It's True

From The Onion:

After losing his first French Open match in four years, a somber Rafael Nadal apologized Sunday for disappointing his "millions and millions of fans," a comment many are calling a gross overestimation of his popularity and overall effect on people's everyday lives. "The people all have faith in me, and I let them down," said Nadal, seemingly unaware that most people were oblivious to the fact that he lost the match, that the French Open was taking place, and that the French Open is a professional tennis tournament. "In the end, it's the [maybe 500 at most] fans who really push me to succeed." When asked if he was disappointed that Nadal had lost in the early rounds of the tournament, Kansas City, MO resident Dale Hughbart, 46, said he hopes Michael Chang wins the French Open because he's a "quick little guy, from what I remember."

I was at a BBQ on Saturday night and I was repeatedly asked "So, who won the French Open today?"  To which, in my head I immediately responded "Seriously?  That happened like 12 hours ago.  If you're so curious, how have you not checked?" and "Oh god.  You're asking to be polite.  But do you really care that Svetlana Kuznetsova beat Dinara Safina 4 and 2?"

Answer:  No.  No they did not.

My other favorite exchange:

BBQ Eater: The French Open's right now?
Me: Yup.  Finishing up.  Wimbledon's in a couple of weeks.
BBQ Eater: Really?
Me: Yeah.
BBQ Eater: That's really soon.
Me: Yeah.
BBQ Eater: For whatever reason I thought Wimbledon was in September.
Me: Nope.  The US Open is in September.
BBQ Eater: Really?
Me: Yup.
BBQ Eater: I thought that was in December.
Me: Have you ever watched the US Open?
BBQ Eater:  A few times.
Me: Have you ever seen snow?
BBQ Eater: No.
Me: ...
BBQ Eater: Still, I could have sworn it was December.
Me: I think you're thinking of the Australian Open.
BBQ Eater: What's the Australian Open?
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: I'm gonna get a cupcake.  You want a cupcake?

And scene.

And yes, I am that socially retarded at large events.