No doubt that there's going to be some weird stuff in 450 pages of WTA Rules. Here were some that made me laugh out loud:
- Patches? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Patches -- Apparently those black Sony Ericsson WTA Tour patches are mandatory at all WTA events. If you don't wear one you have to "compensate" the WTA by providing additional promotional appearances AND carry around a WTA water bottle or towel during the event (weird). Violating this policy could lead to fines of up to $50k. For not wearing a patch??? Ridiculous.
- Smoking or Non-Smoking -- "Except where prohibited by law, smoking shall not be permitted within the lower level of seating around the courts." What in the hail does that even mean? That's some of the worst drafting I've ever seen.
- A Regular Mango A Go-Go With A Shot of Femme Boost, Please -- "A smoothie and juice bar form an ideal recovery beverage." Seriously, this is actually a standalone paragraph in the rulebook. The rulebook doesn't say it's mandatory for tourneys to provide smoothies and juice bars, nor is it even recommending that tourneys have them. The WTA just really likes Jamba Juice and they're trying to spread the word.
- Condiments of the World, Unite! -- "A selection of international condiments (e.g., jam, honey, peanut butter, vegemite, salsa, ketchup, curry sauce, soy sauce and sweet chili sauce)." America? Check. Britain? Check. Australia? Check. Mexico? Check. India? Check. Asia? Check.
- Does Dubai Have HoJos? -- "Each Tournament should use its best effort to arrange for discounted or complimentary accommodations. If the official hotel rate for a double room (2 persons in room) excluding taxes and breakfast at Premier Tournaments is higher than US$150 per day ($100 at International Tournaments), then an alternative player hotel must be provided with a rate of $150 per day for a double room ($100 at International Tournaments) or less." $150 bucks?!?! I have NEVER stayed at a hotel for less than $150 bucks these days. Luckily, tournaments can apply for a waiver "depending upon local considerations which make compliance with such standards impractical and unrealistic." I'm pretty sure that's called EVERYWHERE.
- Purell Me -- "Each Tournament must provide spill kits, which are maintained by court services, for the proper clean up and disposal of biohazardous material on each court and hand sanitizer which is available for use by Ball Persons following handling of used towels." Has anyone ever seen a ball kid use a hand sanitizer?
- "If You're Gonna Spew, Spew In This" -- "If a player is vomiting, the Chair Umpire should stop play if vomit has spilled onto the court, or if the player requests medical evaluation. If the player requests medical evaluation, then the PHCP should determine if the player has a treatable medical condition. If vomiting is continuous, the PHCP may advise that continued play is detrimental to the player’s health. In that case, the Supervisor/Referee may retire the player from the match. If vomit has spilled onto the court, play should not resume until the vomit spill has been cleaned appropriately."
- Don't Quit Your Day Job -- One of the WTA Tour Tournament Class Board Representativees is Peter-Michael Reichel. His e-mail address is email@example.com. Seriously.